Men Need to Communicate their Feelings - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] let me give you a really common scenario that i see in marriage counseling all the time a wife is with the children in the later afternoon early evening and the husband walks in the door and he's not happy he doesn't say hello in a very happy way and he walks away and he goes to a cell phone or his computer and distracts her about 20 minutes half an hour and his wife is feeling broken she's so disappointed she was waiting all day for her husband to come home and greet the family with simcoe with happiness but he looks so disappointed and the wife starts feeling you know maybe it's my fault maybe I'm not to be a good enough job what's she really feeling she's been working so hard taking care of the children getting the house ready making dinner and all she was looking for from her husband was a little bit of hello from them and that would have been enough but he's not able to do it what's going on here it turns out that men and women tend to communicate very differently women tend to express their feelings if you ever watch girls talking together they're often talking about their feelings and your friendship points however tend to be very competitive and often express a lot of more aggression with the friends in school but here's the name thing boys don't talk about their feelings enough there's an expression in English which says big boys don't cry not only the big boys don't cry but adults and people even older never cry because i'm not supposed to show their vulnerability that might be important in the workplace you don't want to show yourself be weak with other people at work but in marriage i'm asking men to express their vulnerability it's so important that men learn how to talk about their feelings so let's do this a little bit differently next time the guy goes in the house I advisement all the time when you walk in the door the first thing you want to express is a lot of optimism you want to walk in the door and say how is my happy family doing today it's just so nice to see everybody if you have little kids give them high five a true if it's if you see your wife say it's so nice to see you I was really looking forward to come home I'm so happy to be home but here's the important things oh man what you need to do if you're having a headache or if your boss was yelling at you today or if you got stuck in traffic and we're frustrated the first thing I suggest is have a little something to eat before you walk in the door she feel more satisfied number two is when you walk in the door say hello to everybody turn to your wife expressed or you're so happy to see her to tell her nicely like this honey had a really hard time at work today I was stuck in traffic I don't feel so well but I really love you it's not about you my bad mood just give me a few minutes I'm going to go to my room I'm going to surf the web I'm gonna lay down i'm going to take a shower maybe read a book but in a few minutes I'm going to freshen up I'm going to be back with you again I guarantee you guys if you do that well you're going to make the happiest twice and happiest children in the world welcome to this new series of who's abrufe called marriage matters my name is rabbi daniel shoma and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world we affect on this important series i will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during a family relationship but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on the blue shell you