Marital Harmony: The Importance of Seeking Peace - Rabbi Neriya Aminov

[Music] [Applause] [Music] so let's learn one more thing over here about that is connected to shalom bytes it says that when mosh when moses died it says that the jewish people cried when mosh rabino died but when aaron died aaron according tied he says the whole entire jewish nation cried women and men and rashi says why why did everybody cry when aaron died so as she says oh rashi said rashford says he would run after peace he would make peace between husbands and wives between friends and binisha bala between friends and friends and that was called israel whether the males and the females were crying everybody was crying it says they cried for 30 days both men and women and many thousands of jewish people named their children our own after after he died the children were named after our own after because if not for our own this child will not have come into the world thousands of people had children because of our aquarium because they made peace shallam bites between husband and wives the question is like this listen to this question the russian shiva khabib is i don't understand it makes sense made a lot of shalom bite a lot of problems between husbands and wives he fixed it makes sense okay but how many people in the jewish people in the desert had shalom bite problems i would have said in the desert when they came out of egypt they sold the miracles of god they were so holy there's maybe one percent maybe that would be very high one percent of people in the desert have shallow by problems there's no bills no insurance no schools no there's only clouds of glory surrounding you what are you fighting with your wife about more wives oh you're saying over there my wife's so there was a problem more women so no less problem oh even more wise you're saying less here no but it creates and it creates other feuds family feuds so there's shiva he says there was a very small minority of the jewish people that had shallow mind problems and then he needed our own help so then why did everybody cry for our own when he died why did everybody cry men women and so many people felt connected to iowa and they didn't feel connected to moshe moshe rabbin was willing to die for the jewish people many many times he said a thousand moshe abu shaddai and not the nail of one jew should be heard but was not involved with the jewish people like moshe alberto was but yet everybody cared about his death and everybody cried so he says maybe you'll tell me they cried because they thought you know aron is the ultimate marriage counselor maybe one day we'll also need his help and they felt connected to him because he was saving so many jewish marriages maybe he will also be connected to them he says you can't say that that's not the reason because it says because all the jewish people cried because few thousand jewish babies were born because of our honor coin so all the jewish people cried because they saw what allah did for them not for us they saw what i wanna do for these families for these children so he says we learn from here there's two types of love there's love that i love you because i love myself i love my wife because my wife cooks for me cleans for me takes care of my children for me takes care of my needs my desires so i love her because i love myself that's one type of love and then there is a type of love that he says i love you because hashem gave us a mitzvah in the torah to love every human being especially your wife because they are made in the image of god and inside of me i am also made in the image of god i am holy therefore i love everything else that is holiness love good things because i am good inside of me i love righteous people i don't know if you notice naturally i grew up with a lot of really really big rabbis naturally i love them my father once said to me why are you giving him the sandak for your baby what did he do for you he fed you he raised you he bought you and put you in the house what did he do for you he doesn't understand i have so much love for this man this is not even the rosh yeshiva it was shiva student who was my you know helping me learn a little bit i have so much love for him because he's so holy i just naturally love him because i have holiness inside of me and my holiness connects to holiness even if he didn't do any good for me he didn't help me therefore the jewish people loved the quran so much since they saw in action his righteousness and his holiness and how he was working day and night 24 7 to make shalom bite between a man and his wife even people that didn't know ahwanakohen's holiness felt it even people who didn't experience shalom by problems felt around love and care for every jew because they knew hawon is the the epitome that at the top the the pinnacle of shalom bite and therefore because shalom because brought thousands of children into the world all the jewish people men and women all cried for him while they didn't do for moshe who was willing to sacrifice his life for them it's pretty crazy remove yourself from bad then do good if you want to do chuva right when you want to go jump into the mikvah first you have to throw away the rat right throw away the sins then you jump into them if you jump into the milk with your sins what are you doing a lot of people they go to the mikveh they think the mikko is going to make them holy it doesn't make it doesn't make you holy you have to make yourself holy by throwing away your sins sumira you first remove the bad then asset of then you do good right the video writes and then it says shalom seek for peace peace after and run after it will fail seek so abandon yonah explains in the gates of repentance which is appropriate right before him keeper and rosh hashanah before elul is coming abandoning the rights we learn from here very important lesson is not toiling and dealing and trying putting effort to make peace between husband and wife between you and your wife if you're not trying very hard and then you're removing the fear of hashem and he's considered to be an evil person because he doesn't fear hashem that's what rabbiniona writes because the video is remove yourself from evil do good then you will run after peace and you will seek it revenue invites if you're not running if you're not actively trying to make peace between husband and wife between yourself and your wife then you don't have fear of hashem and naturally you will do bad meaning because if you if you're a complete if you're a good person you naturally have the tendency to have peace if you're a good whole person you want to have peace how could it be that you're not actively taking actions to make peace between you and your wife if you're a good person the only way that you won't be taking active action to make peace between you and your wife or between you and your husband is because the fear of hashem is now within you you don't feel the holiness inside of you you don't feel the greatness inside of you the soul that is inside of you you don't feel it if you felt it you would be so unhappy and so unsatisfied to have a marriage to have a life with fighting and and and and argument and without working on it without making it better you'll be so unhappy if you are unhappy with lack of peace and you're doing something about it that's a very strong sign that you have a tremendous amount of holiness inside of you that you feel it that's what the medic writes but then naturally the next step after that is you have to be running after peace if you don't do sins by the way i think i told you guys in the past the students of the regional rights how is god going to judge where you're going to be in ganeden based on how your wife sees you muhammad alright based on how your wife judges you why why how your wife judges you so i always tell you guys your wife knows you the best right we're learning this gemara that we're learning now what happens if a guy if a guy dies without children his wife is supposed to get married to the guy's brother right the guy's brother in order that he should have children with her and the soul that will be born will be the husband the husband that will be born will be their child the wife knows him best his brother knows him best will both be able to fix him it's more than the wife knows you best it's because a woman feels a need to build a relationship if you if you don't have that need then your religion is fake if you don't have the need to build peace in the house you can be putting ten pairs that fill in blue cities yellow tits as green tits is all the all the religious stuff you do on the outside but inside it's all empty the reason student writes the way you can tell if you're really god-fearing person is from the eyes of your wife how your eyes how your wife looks at you because if if your wife sees that you don't want to do peace you don't want to build a relationship that's the whole reason why god put you in this world to connect to your wife you don't want to do that then all the actions that you're doing outside to connect to your creator are not real how could it be that you want to be creative you want to be connected to your creator but you don't want to be connected to your wife the way to be connected to hashem is through your wife through the connection that you have to your wife you get connected hashem that's what the rambam writes that's what he's telling us that's what that is telling us that's why all the jewish people felt aron according to holiness the fact that he was able to always run constantly after peace that's what we have to do in our marriages we shouldn't be satisfied with the fact that we don't have an argument we don't have a fight we shouldn't be satisfied today went by and we didn't get into a fight that's not what our marriage is about our marriage is about growing the peace the intensity the love the emotion the connection the bond you have to get to the point where you cannot wait to come home to speak to your wife you have to get to the point where you cannot wait for your husband to come home and to speak to him not because you want to vent but because you want to bond with him that's what marriage is supposed to be about marriage is not supposed to be just let us be let us you know try to live of course yeah let us make it happen let us make it work mary's supposed to be to the point where you're crazy about her and she's crazy about you the same way when it happened for the first two three months the first two three months when we were infatuated with children each other but god gave us our magic that dissipated after three months sometimes less that's how we're supposed to be and that's why the people felt the holiness of aawanakwan more than anybody sure [Music] and like they can't wait to see each other again they're not tired yeah well most of the most of the time i think it's because they're not they're not tied up and i'm still trying to get her i'm so i'm still trying to make it that i was i yeah i have to put on the show i have to put on the show so in a way if a woman has high self-respect for herself then her husband will always feel i'm still trying to get her even after marriage if she feels good about herself she has self-esteem about herself then her husband will always feel like i'm still not satisfying her i still need to try to get her