Making My Home a Peaceful Place - Part 2 - Rabbi David Kaplan (lecture for women!)

we're starting is we're going to go through the Shan bias we basically have exhausted you all have wonderful beautiful marriages now and your husbands are well behaved so we we've taken get taken care of that I just tell you one story one last story I heard about Shawn bias which it really really and I don't know if the story is supposedly true I don't know if it is or isn't supposedly true Thank You the apparently George Bush when he was president he and his wife were driving the presidential entourage was driving and they stopped off in a gas station which I find hard to believe that they did that the presidential limousine ran out of gas but apparently they needed to fill it up so they're at the gas station and at the yes Asian mrs. Bush got out and she started schmoozing with the yeah station attendant so they finally finish up to what he called and she gets back in the car and the George Bush says sir well who was that guy she's not just a guy you know this guy dated in high school so he starts laughing George was laughing since what's so funny says well you know you could have married getting married again a gas station attendant and he ended up marrying the president united states she says George you got it all wrong if I would have married him he would have ended up the president united states right so which is true by the way I don't know if he would under president because I'll say have they Nomar hot coal bought me tynisha it all comes through the wife whatever doesn t comes comes with the wife so what we're going to do is we're going to move off of shell and bites now I told you if anybody has any specific questions you can feel free to contact me in the email I'm usually good about getting back within 24 hours and what we're going to do is we're going to start from braces and we're going to go through slowly we're going to move through the hash cuff of very such gafas points that come from the Torah some of the points will repeat themselves in various partials but we'll try each time a trapeze we're going to try to open up different different ideas and somehow get a rounded picture of life in life's many many challenges what some people call challenges some opportunities so the first one is the meddra it says the torah started with the word braces and the letter Aleph complaint letter alkali why are you starting the tour with gracious and of course robo said to the set to the letter Aleph well I have something different for you you are going to start the asura Saudi Brousseau know thi maloca so you know that's a cancellation it sounds like a consolation prize so we started the tour with gracious but an ulti and okay imma can't abide a sense the deep runs that we're going to start with the elephants with the major says so like all madrid ship needs to be understood what's the tour trying to convey so that one of our ship says like this there were two major events in history her two major events in history major event everyone is creation a major event number 2 is the giving of the Torah an Aleph takes priority over me the word Aleph is Aleph means alike in Hebrew an aloof is a general and aloof is a commander Aleph takes precedence over base so why are you using the second best one for creation using Bayes which is the second rank you're using Bayes for creation you're giving the top ranker the one with the top-ranked you're giving what he called you're giving creation you're giving the give the giving of the Torah and the answer is that there to there two events one event is creation of the world and the other event is giving the Torah what you always has to know right from the outset right from the get-go that of the two events the giving of the Torah is the bigger event because the Torah the receivers of Torah Talmud Torah everything goes with the Torah that outweighs everything including creation and our quarters rojo made it stay with my sebaceous that that uh if that for Kleiss alerting Torah codes will put the world back to tova vow that's idea number one ID number two is that the Torah says that in the words Tohu vovo the Torah says Tove of oh where does the root of the word come from so the Torah says that a person who would look at the nothingness of creation there's something called nothingness which we can't we can't possibly understand what nothingness is you won't know what nothingness is until you come into my Gomorrah shear then when you see that they're guys in the room in the lack of response then you will say nothingness right then you will know what nothing but until then you can't possibly experience what is the absence of anything it doesn't mean just of its it's the epson so we don't understand so Raschi says in this way this is a very needs to be understood why she says that it's called Tohu vivo because a person is tohe Umi domain a person is Shaq the person is awestruck by the nothingness that's what he says a person looking at wow that is an incredible amount of nothingness so you will see this when you have children who are teenage males teenage males and they're in yeshiva ktana Orisha vignola and you it's something that would american american if you stay in israel and you live it as well i'm not saying you whether you should but if you do and you have you'll see that male teenagers especially in Israel have the ability to sit for long periods of time and do absolutely nothing right they just said then I always wondered growing up sigh only had brothers I wondered what do girls do right what do girls do all day what do they do and then I you know finally I learned that girls don't need much other than other girls right and then I could do is you basically sit in solve all the world's problems right you ain't sitting you're talking you how girls could do that boys we never did that I always wanted to do something I've seen my own boys and you ship up your Shiva boys can sometimes sit and they don't even talk they just sit right and there's almost almost like a wax museum right except there's more action in the wax museum and they just they just gotta sit so that's there's Nick na Nana and it is an active more or less an active person it drove me nuts at the beginning it was like deuces talk loshon hora do something don't just sit there do something productive I don't care for the negative just do something so that's what the trashy says that their total me show me now Anna what does that got to do with our life what are we what stove oh the answer is that we were obviously putting this world to accomplish and I heard a terrible story you love it there was a in a guy during the financial collapse i think was 2008 2007 like I came to his r of he said to his rough I have absolutely nothing to show for my last 25 years except my 45 minutes the night of da fiolee that's what the guy said have nothing left to show except by Laura that now the truth that matter is that when a person loses their money versus lose their money so people are heat the guy lost his phone it's a terrible terrible ordeal he lost his money it's not just the worry people think what you lost his money what are you going to do for the future you should know that it's worse of that in certain ways even worse than that is that what are you going to do for the future the future work it out you find another job you're not going to starve to EE nobody starves to death worse than anything is the present because you're in a state of terrible embarrassment it's terrible doubt and even worse is the past what did i do where my life go where am I for the last 25 years I don't exist I have nothing left to show for 20 25 years of my life I've been in business man I've been hacking I've been doing this I've been doing that way I have nothing lost the chauffeur there's a terrible sense I've lost I've lost my entire value I once had a once asked one of the heads of our math one of the main fundraisers at the Shiva one of the hollow members of our hashanah I make a brotha everyday shallow a sunny fundraiser but there was a there was a one of the one of the main hun holla members I once they understand I guys get 80 billion dollars you gotta yes the guy for money that 80 million dollars a sock yelled yes the guy the guy well the markets down I haven't got anything to give you I mean the markets down so you lost a million dollars that means you still got 79 million dollars you can't give anything to be sure I understand the show where we can't give and if the market is up they give 80 billion 79 81 what's the difference what's in a few mina the answer is that a person who is into that type of world very interesting insight into human nature he gave you a person who is living in that world the money the Karen his his basic amount of money his 80 million dollars is who he is when he makes a profit so until he decides that profit now becomes part of the Karen he's willing to give it away cuz that's profits that's that that's spare cash once that profit once though that care of the profits become part of who he is he's not about to give that way to be roughly the equivalent of knocking on a door and asking I collecting for some free but well I can well when I cut off a finger give us a finger nobody cut off a piece of themselves to give to you the man who's into that sort of world he sees the money is actually a part of him that's who I am that defines me well that defines you I'm not about to give that away I have some extra care some extra what he called nicer guilt because it made some profits recently okay as long as while it's in the state that he sees it as profit he'll give that away to you once it translates I don't know when that when that point is but once it hits the point of caring is not about the other way a guy loses his money he doesn't just lost his way he's lost his essence that's what I'm living for this is who I am and I've lost this a guy told me what was it a hurricane hurricane sandy iron all the disastrous hurricanes given women's names right there's something about that i'm not sure what that is but it's interesting very telling very telling and it's over like hurricane Burt you know in her again hi slim so I some Amanda you know something Nasty's I'm really nasty and and and it's a guy said the family was in was the neighborhood seagate wherever was a family told me his family at Mama's were wiped out they built the home everything was flooded said they were covered by insurance they had all the insurance everything was covered she told me his cousin told his cuz the husband and the wife young couple with a couple of kids they said we got nothing it's like we haven't existed for the last five years we don't have any baby shoes they're none of the sweaters the baby pictures it's all gone every everything we don't exist that's tovo there's a lack of any sort of accomplished sure what so ever that could be devastating to human being there's like where was I I don't have any proof for anything that I've done that stove of oh I remember when I was in eighth grade our secular eighth grade teacher she told us I mean I was an eighth grader and I remember this was absolutely profound to me as I thought what was that they're 12 years old 30 so i thought this way she said if there was ever be a fire in her home the first thing she would grab if she was running out is the family pictures because the pictures can't be replaced and i remember the kid thing oh wow wow that's so deep I'm staking our self I would grab my baseball glove for sure right you know pictures pictures in Iowa you know and I know what I look like I just need a mirror my baseball glove is irreplaceable yeah i don't i don't know what i did but but it's the same sort of idea somebody loses picture somebody is letting a wiped-out people came out of the Holocaust they have nothing no remnants of their family it's it's it's not in the in that situation it's about mature tragedy that's the idea the the uh so person has to know the tova Vogel of the world is a reminder to us that's not what we're supposed to be doing there is no such thing I heard a profound line this mrs. rap man whose husband was just mr. suroz were just niftar from the horn off I called her the other day so she was quoted in a magazine article is one of the best quotes that I've seen it one of the best ideas that I've seen in years and years somebody said to hurry because in the course of the year she had to keep going back and forth to the hospital to see her husband was every day she go to this to the hospital her husband was a really responding and somebody said to her you know once her husband died I think somebody said okay now you're out of your state you were in a state of limbo until now and now you're out of your state of limbo so she said you sowed I don't think she realized her self how profound it was what she said that she was a new state of limbo in a state of limbo because every day that was the avodah of the day and when I was thinking about it I realize you know this is the abode of the day the next day is the next time I you wake up in the morning what's my I voted in that state of limbo no state limbo in life and I realize you're either always in a state of limbo or you're never in a state of limbo so you stayed home I'm not married a time in a state of limbo now I am ready I don't have kids yet I'm in a state of limbo now i'm aaron i have kids my husband's of kerla we don't have enough para nós or in a state of limbo first is not feeling while I'm in a state of limbo till I start feeling better always a state a little but in person there's no end to when a person is in a state of limbo my father and my husband and I they haven't spoke at each other for our we're upset with each other so we're in a state of limbo right yeah you're never gonna see your they're always in a state of limbo or you're never gonna say well be Kara decide this is the state of limbo I'm an estate elimi and I don't have a good carissa when I get a good cover so then I won't be in a state of limbo there is there's no inter state of limbo so the answer is that the Torah jus looks and gets up in every single day we say I have to accomplish today I have to accomplish today is my date this is all I've got in front of me today as I says later on this week's parsha says sucking Bubba yummy Avram was an old man and he was getting old and it says he came along in days buh-bye yeoman with a strange strange statement why does it say I've rung sucking buh-bye you mean he came along with his days so therefore ship several prefer to explain because every single day of his life he made the most of that day and when he got older he could look back at a lifetime of an accumulation of days so a friend of my room and I can lick his omission yeah hit base his shell so you ever schmooze the other night he said imagine do you do people remember kitahama you remember the kids jicama where I don't know what a country you were in a kid is shahama comes once every twenty eight years he does a comma right one-sided 28 years I don't know where you were but wherever you were you if you were there it gives you time you'll know where you were you'll remember where you were i but the to look I remember both of them kids rock on what's every 28 years would you miss kita Showtime do you think there's any conscientious Jew who just forgot about it or missed it I ain't mr. this I kids like how might you know I may not I may not be good about everything else or something comes up once every twenty eight years then I'm not about to miss well today only comes up once in a lifetime today the day we're in right now only cuz if you missed today you missed it for the whole lifetime kids r comma you'll make it up in 28 years you'll be able to make it up don't worry i just got 28 years you today will never come back today will never come back so you worried about kids or anybody what about today dance Avram's up getting boba yummy every single day was every single day has to be lived with whatever the production is for the day there's that there's that there's a guy i read about once an American sums I go he was in heat he bought a Rubik's Cube he bought a Rubik's Cube and he became absolutely crank and cup on this Rubik's Cube and he said it took him 26 years until he finally solved the rubik's cube his wife said that his whole life it he at the supper table anytime they went to a wedding family get-together Christmas every time everywhere he went he could ever taught all he did was play around with a workout this road took up 26 years him 26 years which is a shame because he could have gone to any little kid in Israel he have it done in about four minutes but he went he went to 26 years when 26 years the Rubik's Cube and finally he got it could you imagine such a thing you guys spend 2016 a Rubik's you and we think like what a lunatic right he wasted his life out of rooms like you know there are people that out there far away even in our world will never what did you waste your life I 25 years you accumulated money and 25 years they got wiped out so what did you do what did what do you have to show for it that's the tova vote so rebel hun and vaster men that Sal Chevy Kim DOMA survivors were once went our fundraising trip to America and when he got to America his he went he was in Manhattan and as a Jew who had been in marana vich a Jew had been a little a little boy in brown a had left roundish long before oval Conan and went to America he lives out the American dream and it was secular and he had a clothing factory servile Conan gets into a car he drives down to the factory knocks on the door chauvel item revoir sermon haven't seen you in a long time they shows he says Tommy revoir sermon what did you come here for I mean the gear knows darn well what he came before what did you come here for so a vow certain holds up his frack and he shows them that one of the buttons is missing he says I came to have a button sewed on my frack the guy chuckles he says yeah and she was little boys like every wise to wet would tell me what you've come for so I came to have a rebel a stir with a real Clement you know it was not a person who smiled a whole lot he said I came to have a button so down to my frock so guy says revoir let me show you something she takes him downstairs to the factory area it's got a factory clothing figure you got 200 workers there guys obviously rolling in the dough and he says this is all mine rabbi Wasserman now tell me what if you come for you know I just asked for it I'll give you just tell me what have you come for and the guys in brownwood she should be would they were starving Johanna says I've come to his button so down my frack so he calls over one of the grain he says hey Stan come over here take the rabbi's coat and saw in a button say selves on the button Mohan says thank you very much he turns rung takes his driver he goes down goes downstairs okay next morning real comes it is assignee of the phone rings the guy is living on the other rabbi Wasserman you cost me an entire night sleep I know you didn't they have their button so now I couldn't sleep all night now till you tell me where did you come for please i'll come down to the office and i'll let you know it comes down to the office guy said not tell me why did you come here for johanna says if you know you find it strange that i should have traveled across the Atlantic Ocean just to come here and have a button sewn on my clothing right you find it strange yes I find a very straight well your neshama came down through seven Ricky I'm into this world that's a lot longer than from brown of itch to New York you think you mean your neshama came down here just soak it so buttons that's what your neshama came down here the guy became about you but he became a supporter of the brown of a divot everybody live happily ever after that was a story but the the mooser high skill is is we're here to accomplish we're not here for the ride we're here to accomplish that's what we need a constant reminder of the next part is something as mamash no gala my sahayam now it's me I didn't know it when I first would I first of all but there's no gap and it goes to puss agdal operations parekh olive pasta Khalid and says via vll keep inorganic OSHA and one of the ideas is that anything you see in say from ratios when it appears the first time in the Torah tells you that that's 8-inch something intrinsic because I people wonder is gold something that's intrinsically valuable as gold only something that you've been educated to think gold is valuable well when you walk around the world if you go to Spain and you go to South America do you go to South Africa and you go to the Incas and Aztecs and everywhere in the world gold is it now there was ever an international conference that said okay let's all agree gold is it just like there was never an international countries conference that said let's make a seven-day week isn't a strange thing Scandinavians have a seven-day week in hung in the Congo there's a seven day week entered the Japanese have a seven-day week every gonna wear when was the International Conference deciding we're having said the answer is it wasn't until i scald the torah and the fact that the tour is created and said the world's great in seven days means that is an inherent its intrinsic in the running of the world of juubi saturdays by the way the chinese at one point sometime in about the 15th century which none of you know anything about anyway so you don't know if I'm telling you the truth or lying right but let's say I'm telling you the truth cuz I'm a rabbi the Chinese at one point tried to institute an eighth day in the week they try to an eight day weekend resulted in a civil war with a lot of blood whether that's what happened nobody where you know we're not going to have that right they tried in cydia but it's a strange he should wonder about that is there weird everybody's got a seventh day with why does everybody have a seventh a week the answer is because that's inherent in the human nature for whatever reasons the same way gold the tourist says in parshas races mentions gold twice it says that's the land where there is the gold and the gold of that land was good it was not only gold it was good gold so gold is something that is inherent to the human it in human nature that if you ever I'm sure you must have wondered certainly as a kid probably adult do we do this by nature and this means yes this means no or is that something we're trained with right I'm not sure I'm not sure what the answer is i'm pretty sure that its inherent in human nature pretty sure that this is a negative is a positive i know you'll quote some psychology study from being on magazine which I never look at and and it just I could say it but i'll quote some you know some disaster machine gun model from his man and I you know no okay so the then my wife always asked me to any women read this magazine and it's always about espionage a new sub nuclear submarine some counterfeiting ring you know there's always somebody that's got kind of men's bethel tori that's not whitman women is a Barbie night you know being as being as much refractor there's always something about a DD a diet a recipe some woman is waiting for a up some we're not getting along with her husband you know that in and on some woman who's upset with veena for for not being likes mine you know say i said yeah you know it's always always basically the same stuff so so there's an idea that that that happens have hit right now that his right now the tar says valiums del I karoake made a split that means there is no equality in Judaism there's no god this is extremely important we are not threatened by conservative and we are not threatened by reform nobody takes it seriously one of the most insidious threats to authentic Torah Judaism is the FEMEN the movement of feminism feminism is much more of a threat because it creeps in in certain areas now I know that Cola wives are working and cola wives are supporting but i don't think that Colo wives are doing this because they see feminism as well i should be working because i could also wait now it's because you obviously have torah is a value by you you value Torian because you value Torah so you've had the wisdom to make the correct choice to work and so help support your husband while he's doing the most important thing any human could possibly do so that's a very very good choice I was once when we first moved here when I first married I broke my foot I had gone out to play basketball early on in marriage and my wife watched me a couple of times and at a certain point she said no board basketball for you you're on probation I said why she said because every bad mita known to man comes out on the basketball court your bag IVA you get angry you're selfish she went through a whole list which was all true okay so I took her six months hiatus from playing basketball after six months I got down on my hands and knees and begged her to play she said yeah there's an air of shabbos I went out broke my foot okay so is it was during the doctors strike so he had a certain I had a cast on my foot and I had to go to have the cast change after two weeks foot was still broken I had to have the cast change I was a makeshift doctor's office because they were striking and the doctor he happened to be from Chicago an American guy from Chicago so we hit it off right away I think we were both Cub fans and we hit it off right away and secular so he's examining my foot he takes off his examining my foot he said so it says to be so what do you do I said well I learned in colo he says well you know what do you live on you know how do you how do you how do you how do you support yourself sigh so what my wife works so he goes I guess somebody has to huh just like I give late you know very cynical sardonic so I remember clearly my first thought I will tell you the first I didn't say this because he had my broken foot in his hands but my first thought at the time as soon as he said that was you jerk you that was where those three words flittered through my you jerk you that you went to medical school somebody paid for you to go to medical school or you took a loan from united states government which is essentially a giveaway and because it was a value you were willing to take the money to go through I'm learning a cola because my wife feeling is it important my father-in-law my father my Rose Cole whoever it is I'm not asking you for money why are you passing judgment on what we consider a value so a woman who's married to a guys learning Cole and she wants to work because she sees it this is the most important thing if her husband is a medical school she'd also work the other through medical school so there is no suspicion and those those areas there's no suspicion that feminism is a factor however in the world at large it is very much a factor in the Orthodox world I don't know if you're aware of this in the Orthodox world there are women who the husband make skittish at a wife makes a moat see right there the husband make sure I don't know if you've never heard of this and this is this is much more common than you think the husband ache skittish your wife wakes up Mon C as I like what are we supposed to do after you may come out to what he want to be a man I mean whatever what are you supposed to clap oh wow she pronounced it so well but and the husband bakes the hollis I mean I'm not sure exactly how oh oh ho chi am you know those college you made with the poppy Seaver really good this week and what what what I'm what's the point what are you doing with you know you're not happy with who you are in a hippo your role is right I did I bet it you should know it's very widespread it's very widespread I had a UH I had a when I spoke at a shoal in America when I was one of the first time to ever spoke in a public speaking there's a show where my wife is from a small town and before I got up to speak the Rev of the show comes over to be intelligent Orthodox women in the show a North ago this woman has helped the reform movement design a right a pesach I gotta and in the pace of hagara she changed it to borrow at Hashem is this this is a shomer shabbos woman shomer shabbos Cassius tired of the whole works but just absolutely cranking cup and this one is feminism issue so Rob said to me at the time he said listen when you speak I spoke there a couple of times he said when you speak now maybe stay away from men and women's issues I mean you could if you want to but it's probably should get up sets of course you know I you know I would say aha I spoke about men and women's issues and it and and and I was Africa very very positive about the way I'd say anything deprecating it all in the rough came over after he says was she upset about that talk you know and I she was also and they on simplest era where they carried the tour around so we would go up the aisle and they'd show with the safer Torah and the right shoulder and the women would reach over the other very small maritza they reach over to kiss the safer Torah so as as as I walked past as I up the right sideline I immediately took the safe return shifted it to my left shoulder you know I would have nothing women are touching the Torah so say you should know that this is a very very busy and this is why what this letter came out for the rub on him now about this movement this this what he called this what they call open orthodoxy and particularly maharat which is some institution where they gives me her two women now what the tourists telling you is the tour is telling you is that you may be talented and nobody's saying you're not and you may be smart nobody's saying you're not you may be very very intelligent nobody's saying that you're not but you have a role a wife has a role in a husband has a role the wife the husband is the Foreign Minister the wife is the Minister of the Interior that's the way it works though husband is the foreign minister the wife is the Minister of the Interior and you should know that in haha fish ala casa shalom in yiddish guy there is nothing deprecating about women we do never make deprecating set we may joke about it we may joke about it but there's nothing deprecating about it we don't mean it in any way because we know I for every statement that you hear in cos out that you think may be insulting to him and I'll quote you one or two that builds her up so if it says nuts United Carlos alaya right so first what we explained that a couple years ago that the costly means that they don't have the heavy man that's why they're able to multitask right to be able to multi-task and the other hand it also says because nashim seed Canio skoro got out of me trying I don't say about the men said the men were a bunch of lowlifes that's why they had trouble the women got them out it says it was the women who don't worship Diego the women work so for every negative statement or what you think is a negative statement which none of them are by the way I'll show you a positive statement if women can't be an Aiden Baisden so because anything wrong with Rizzo is number one subject to a certain amount of pressure that a man might not be subject to she could be or c because she is physically weaker she threatened and intimidated more easily which makes a lot of sense and number two a woman may see and perceive things differently than amanda woman enters the i saw the guys don't discuss khabar with your wife so whatever you do don't discuss good more with your wives because the women are going to have a take on it where the women are going to intuit the truth and they're going to wonder why are you dragging around so long before you get it to true so what are you saying I'm fetching here cuz we all know what the hell what's with the ketch over there and therefore it's not a good show and biasing the husband wants to tell you what he learned in the kymaro you know in a wife and also you go in you slip into a feminine take on it a woman type take on it which I quarterly gave you that gift and that is one of the reasons why women don't learn tomorrow now if you listen you understand this well the basic reason at when we on garlic more cuz I'll say the woman wrote misuse it she'll distort it doesn't say because she's that smart doesn't say that anywhere don't say the woman does like no more cuz she's any less smart that man it says she doesn't use it because she will somehow use it in the wrong way that's what the governor says there's a deeper explanation not a deep regulator they're out there I think it's the same explanation it will take it to a certain depth do you know that certain musician oh I'll name and Paul McCartney with the Beatles you know that Paul McCartney oh dayum cannot read music Paul McCartney cannot read music now it could very well be Paul McCartney cannot read I don't know but Paul McCartney could not read music okay now if Paul McCartney was taught music do you think the music he'd produce would be is good or not as good as the music that he did produce what he produced better music if he could read the notes and the answer is if many areas of life you will find that there are certain people who do things intuitively or instinctively and what they do instinctively they do much better than what they do mechanically so for example in baseball when a baseball player was in a slump those of you are assuming you're all from America those of you are not americans should be but the the those are here and I from Chicago you should also be but if a if a baseball player was in a slump so one of the expressions they used to use in sports as a when he's standing at the plate he's thinking too much about what's going on he's thinking about a swing and a my sweetie this way or that way house are only the bed they say don't think so much about what you're doing because what you do instinctively will be much better than anything that you could be taught mechanically and if you think about it too much you're going to ruin it it's working well you're going to ruin it the same thing goes for art I know nothing about art I don't paint but there are people who can paint and if you would force them into this into a square to paint the way you want them to make it would work well because they're much better intuitively women intuitively have a catcher with Ron Hansen know what's right and what's wrong women have an instinctive and intuitive Okoro who gave the women a gift that you know what should be done and you know what's right you're throwing and every smart husband knows that if his wife is bothered by something especially in the area of rudeness he ought to listen to his wife because the wife has a sense of what's right and what's wrong for a woman to go and break that down into the logical steps there's nothing again you're already doing yo who I break it down I mean maybe there's no need for what what you would learn good more for a man needs go mark of the other Corey's gonna end up in prison whereas a woman doesn't need a woman without go on one without that intellectual building of the Gomorrah she's gonna draw the right conclusion already so white why break it down and why fix something that's that broke now they're being the case a wife has to know a woman has to know you have a task you have a task it and your task it is no less important than the tough get of the man and in many ways your task it is more important because you're the backbone of the home the thick that a woman is in the home is not a good night she's the Minister of the Interior the husband is the foreign minister now one thing you have to bear just parenthetically when it comes to shun bias never ever ever my wife has told me that she's heard this and is is so wrong where women will have a rating of rape him and ivory pets will have arguments with each other that the wife says you know I'd like to buy a new sweater and the husband says I don't think we're budget in wife says listen I'm the one earning the money that means that you got a much bigger problem in a sweater got a much bigger problem at that point in a sweater because it means that you're not communicating properly about what your marriages you're earning the money theor knee the money for you you're earning the money for us I mean you first of all opa-locka whatever money you earn belongs to us and all right Lee leave we'll leave that up the husband would stay home lying ham I could drink beer all day and you work and you're not allowed to give away money to suck and he is because it's his money you know that there's a lot you can't give more than a token amount that your husband was you're not to give the sucker and a collector of sucka is that even allowed to accept from a woman at a large amount more than what's considered a token amount I don't know what a token amount is nowadays five shekels whatever it is that's a lock it belongs to your husband but for you two for a woman to say to her husband listen I'm the one working so I make the decision about the money you got you got a lot of you much bigger problems in a sweater that means it so we have to sit down I'm in your marriage you're not communicating properly that give me getting proper a terrific day that's how you decide because you were carrying the money that's how you decide that's not how a marriage is supposed to run so the fact that you're working fact that you're working is because you're working for and ends because to you what your husband is doing is a value more than that there are certain women who should work outside the home because there'll be a better mother there's hurt women who work outside them because they'll be better mothers there are certain women just like there are certain men who can't learn or full time and if they learn half a day they learning will be more productive than if they have to be learning a full time because a man who gets up in the morning he does not have the natural caliber never developed them because so often he did not have the ability and he gets up and looks at a full day of learning things I could learn a minute because every minute is torture amana knows he only has to learn an hour two hours he'll learned that with enthusiasm because after that he'll be able to give expression to whatever his natural tendencies are now you have to be careful series because all these things need a personal rove who gives the hard rock hotels him when he should learn when he should outline i will tell you a personal story when i was in curl and i don't know if I mentioned this or not I was I was learning in colo and I'd been in cova five years full time and at a certain point the the the kollel decided that they were learning a certain subject of the afternoon now I wanted I did not want to learn they went to learn subject day I wanted to learn subject B and the problem was that I knew that I minogue avid over because subject B was probably a second choice of what I should have been learning at the time in subject day was what the rush Colo was it uh gibbehhhh though because he wanted to be learning with everybody Nicole was luring so i decided i'm going to go ask a um what he called an unbiased opinion what he thinks i should do so there's a magic and erica cerra one of the biggest match gave him in here to cheryl and i went to him and I went before i left the house my wife said to me you could go ask him but only if you promise you'll do whatever he tells you to do because she sensed that I bite you if you don't hear what you if I hear what I want to hear great if i don't hear what I want to hear so I'll figure out a way that I will hear what I want to hear as she sensed it correctly she said to me you could only go if you promise to do what he tells you to do yeah of course I why would I do that I've am I that's what I'm going to ask right which means that I wasn't going to do it okay so I wouldn't ask this man so he did he SAT me down didn't know me he knew they knew who I was it seemed me around on me SAT me down he took a list of about eight to ten references of people who knew me and he said come back in a week he called every single person on the list my parents Myra BAM couple cabooses hello everybody on the list I came back a week later and he said to me you asked me if you should do a or b I tell you you should do C and C involves starting to get involved in teaching which was nowhere on the nowhere in the plans at that point and I was devastated because at the time i was learning well in colo in what i call learning well as i was making use of the time very responsibly he felt and picked up on me that i had hit a certain plateau in my development and that by learning full time i'm not going to break through any further in the plateau i'll be more information but not not a higher level of learning and he felt that i will grow more if i get involved in teaching i will grow more in my own personal learning and therefore in the only reason I listen to because I promised her life before i left house is the only reason I was absolutely i was comparison is row when I came home and the only reason I listed so I started teaching or semi-autonomous only I only listened to because I promised my wife I know where she pulled that out but that's why that's why I started teaching now people always ask and how did it work out say can ever say in life what was the best thing I ever did because you don't know what the alternative would have been no no how guy again I don't know what the elder of it I don't know the best thing I was the worst thing I know it's what I was here to do because I asked that story and it's all I could possibly do or you could do it you know you have a Suffolk so whether the course robot one for me because rubber ones go as that story yes that's so responsible that so he told me that's what I did didn't work out well didn't work out well they're fine i have to babe ass joe ghostrobo decided work out well they work out well but you should know there are men they hit a point where by having less time to learn they'll learn more there are certain women who by having less time in the home it will be better mothers and it's not does not cast any aspersions and and their capabilities it doesn't mean they're any less good efficient a mother to the country they're very good mother because she realizes that to be a good mother i have to be out of the house a certain amount of hours a day and that will make me a better they'll make you a better mother but she's that out of the house to develop a career if she's out of house because she wants her career as well then that's already a step of this a touch of feminism invading our values it's not part of our value system but the ikar is that the idea of of the feminism also that no one it should not it should not make its inroads which it usually doesn't however people are affected by their society sometimes you will find a sort of thing the ikar point is what i said about the money that that should never come up there should ever come up in the morning in a marriage well I've earned that's not a factor in the decision whether or not you should buy a sweater it's not a factor you're working because unica husband have a shiftless and you're working because the two of you are working in the same story you're in the same life and you're trying to build something together whether or not you should get a sweater has I filled with who's earning the money whether or not you get a sweater is whether or not we can afford it and it's a joint decision that we're making regardless of where that went again would be like saying said well my father is the one that supported us so it supports us therefore we should we should be able to buy this any other nobody nobody with any any common sense would would say such a thing that's very important that her husband has to recognize his wife is clever what Americans call smart butt LOL wife is clever and and and she needs a stimulation I know women who are better mothers because I go to this year just like you're doing right now and and in the heavy that you know you need a little roughness especially in this life sigh I did rookie and says that that's an absolutely little stimulation and she needs a career but not me she needs the career because I want to be seen as a career person who's advancing I need the career because that will provide me with the stimulation that I need to be a better mother and better wife and survive that's my job I'm not in the career because I really want to advance so people say I got the title professor in front of my name once it crosses it to anything as any honor or prestige in the career that's different for a woman especially for men they often need that other they won't go into the career at all they won't do anything the woman deeds the stimulation that's okay but once she crosses over that becomes a value in your life that wasn't that wasn't what eliazar found in in in in in rifka I may know there was no there's no she wasn't a career yes I want to be the top water drawer in the car right-hander there was no there was no career what he called it was all about it was all about being the wife of the attack of you okay we have to step you