Internet Addiction #5: Overcoming Denial - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] my name is rabbi Daniel shomba I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world via Skype this is the fifth video on a series of how to overcome internet addiction today we're going to be looking at how Rabbi Avraham torski in the book addictive thinking looks at how the Internet addict rationalizes denies and projects his addiction on other people my friends there are three important things you have to overcome to overcome your internet addiction step one according rabbi Twersky is overcoming denial somebody who is in the state of denial doesn't even believe they're an addict look around you and all the people using the cell phone that might be yourself included ask yourself are you really an Internet addict or do you deny being an Internet addict and there's one way of knowing put away your phone see how long you can last without reaching for your messages region 2 check the news and so on you'll begin to see is it something you crave is it something which is for you formed a bad habit with is it something that you're addicted to or is it something you really have no choice but to use and therefore you feel now that you've lost all freewill if that's true but you still don't admit it you're in a state of denial and in fact there's a difference between lying and denial a liar knows that they're not telling the truth but they're very good at dressing it up and trying to manipulate the other person without them knowing about it somebody in denial does not even believe that they themselves have a problem so the first step to overcoming denial is admitting you're having a problem the second factor is what we call rationalization rationalization means you give good reasons for bad behaviors I once met somebody who became addicted to the Internet he ended up losing his job losing his family and his children but he ultimately believed there was a good for every time he misused the internet he worked in an office that dealt with social media that did a lot of work in the internet and he had to be connected to his phone for clients and for information literally 24/7 sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of night to check his messages other times he'd spend 15 or 16 hours a day glued to his computer screen or to his cell phone after work and he believed that he had to use the Internet in order to make a living and be successful he was doing something called rationalization he believed there was actually a good reason behind his addiction and therefore didn't take responsibility to stop it the third factor is called projection projection means that we blame another person for own addiction this is seen all over the place in terms of people that have internet addiction they say that they're having a bad day or feeling depressed therefore they have to watch their phone all night long and have to catch movies which may be appropriate or inappropriate another person says that the reason he looks at inappropriate internet sites is because his wife puts him in a bad mood she's mean to him she's critical she doesn't make him dinner sometimes he gets back to there with anger he projects on to her that she's the reason for his addiction and therefore one has to overcome and stop this projection the only person that's responsible for their addiction is you is yourself when you admit that you're the source of the problem that only you can overcome your pain only you can overcome your addiction is the minute you begin to enter into a state of sobriety and as we mentioned a few videos ago there's nothing as exciting as heartfelt as warm as enjoyable as actually gaining control of your life but to do so you have to stop denying you have a problem stop rationalizing saying there's actually good reasons for it and most importantly stop blaming others for your addiction and take responsibility for yourself welcome to this new series of legal group called marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel and on the licensed marriage & Family Therapist based in New York and around the world we like on this important series I will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during the family relationships but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your question and I'll try to answer as many questions on the future