How to Respect your Spouse - Rabbi Akiva Rutenberg

so the next question it's a brilliant question I I think it was based a little bit I'm bad about what rabbi Israeli was quoting from the Rambam that you know he was talk a lot about respect if the man respects his wife one themself if the woman respects his her husband more than necessary then it's gonna be shelling by it of course so now the question is how does a spouse show respect to the other spouse how does a wife show respect to the husband and how does the husband show respect to the wife very very good question let's start with rabbi rune Berg so respect respect is I really believe has to be based on something that's real you can't fake respect and that means that you have to in your heart of hearts really see your spouse as somebody great and really believe in their greatness sometimes in a relationship as you know life goes on and there's problems and stress and different things our minds can get focused on our spouses weaknesses and challenges and we take for granted their strengths and I think in today's society this is particularly challenging and I really believe in John Gottman one of the experts on relationships he says if you stop a man or a woman in the middle of their day and their busy day they're running around Wall Street and you say tell me five things you respect and love about your spouse and they're not able to do that big problem because if we can't see the good in the other person then we're just going through the motions and the other spouse is not going to feel particularly good in that relationship and then resentment creeps in and negativity and that unfortunately is the marriage killer the marriage killer is resentment and negativity and I really believe this is also very true about our children if you want to have properly know of your children you have to respect them you have believe in them not you're telling them you believe in them but you don't really believe in them and this is very challenging because many of us grew up in homes where our parents maybe put us down and they thought that that was the best way to be a good parent is to find our faults you spilled our milk you slum Mazel you piece of yeah you know come on what's wrong with you can you do anything straight and it gets ingrained in our brains and we passed it on this Laura to the next generation and they pass it on such a beautiful miss aura every generation to the next generation this is the Miss aura we want to kill we want to stop this is not the Miss nomer we want to pass over over if we really believe in our children if we see the good in them and see them as heavyweights it's interesting the Hebrew word for respect is the word kavod kavod is the same root as the word cough aid heavy and that means because you should see another person as somebody heavy somebody of great great power great potential somebody that you have to reckon with and if we do this then we automatically come up code to a great amount of respect [Music] [Applause]