How to Resolve Differences in Parenting Methods - Rabbi Refael Ribacoff

the question is what if the mother and father are not in the same page in terms of parenting though one of the one of the parents wants to be more disciplinarian the other one says okay don't be so tough on them this isn't the army how should they deal with that if they're not in the same page in terms of the way they want a parents grab a rib because tough question I want them at a couple that the wife calls me rabbi what should I do they just had a newborn baby it's wintertime and the husband says I want the kid to go outside without any clothes and I was like why because he has to be tough he has to get used to the weather yes to get used to it the true story you know yes sir you know yeah you gotta get tough you know you gotta get you know that they're wanting a treatment when they're young already and so everything is it's a little baby it's gonna get sick it's gonna get cold how can you do that it's gonna happen plenty times rabbi kugel mentioned when it comes to discipline for example everyone has different sheets a different way of how they want to discipline the child and a lot of times it's based on what they saw in their own family the way their parents discipline them the way they want to discipline their own children I worked on them I'm gonna do it on my children as well but as we see today it's a different generation things are not the same what it was 25 years ago 50 years ago and you can't be closed-minded in how you approach certain areas when it comes to marriage or even parenting you have to be open minded to understand that there's different ways of disciplining a child it's not only just hitting the child or screaming at them and send them to the room and that's the way they're gonna take care of the problem because again it might have worked on you but if you think about the grass of the question did you like it when you follow the screams at you did you like how many parents hate you do you like it when they they locked up in the room and most of them don't say no it doesn't really work it's a scare tactic it might work when the child is young because you're bigger than them stronger than them but even the Torah tells us that it comes to a certain age and a child's life that you can't even hit the child because you back up a bit and that's a problem so we have to be open-minded understanding there are other ways and how to discipline a child there are other ways of how to parent a child there are other ways of how to raise a child and if you don't reach out those professionals that are out there and open yourself up to there's there's books around on the subject there are lectures or the workshops on the subject and to understand it's not just one way to skin a cat as they say there are many ways to deal with the issue and the couple has to understand it that you know I tell them all the time if you can work it out together that's great compromise discussing things and then understanding how to deal with it that's the best way to deal with everything but if you come to situation where he says black and you say white what are you gonna do there's no gray in between they need to have a neutral third party whether it's the rabbi the rabbits in the marriage counselor therapist who's gonna come in and explain to you and teach you the way of how to deal with the situation because otherwise you know you're gonna want your way and his way and you gonna end up being frustrated all the time because why is the kid getting candy all the time why is the kid you know doing all these things why is the kid walking all over me all the time because you're not implementing the right ways of how to deal with situations so if you open-minded to understanding there are many ways there are a lot of techniques that are out there and you'll see every kid is different Kahn Oakland RP Darko you're gonna see it might have worked with this child doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna work with the next job that comes down the road so you have to be open white understand every child is different every child has different temperaments every child is different you know the sensitivity is there for ways of dealing with things and if you don't work with the times and be flexible how to deal with it you can have problems as well [Music] [Applause]