How to Empower Our Children & Students - Rabbi YY Jacobson

So today everybody knows that after Pesak between Pes and Shvis the custom in Jewish communities is that we learn Perky the ethics of the fathers every Shabas or week another chapter. So last shabas was peric olive. First one in the shabas we're going to learn chapter two pikyovas peric bay and I want to focus on pikyovis peric bay um Mishna test actually Mishna test there's a few versions some put it at a later Mishna but uh many of them is Mishna test that's the middle of the second chapter and it's a fascinating fascinating Mishna We'll also see it's also connected to the portions of the week which this year recon is coincides with this chapter and the discussion in this chapter is in the previous Mishna just to give the context the Mishna mentions one of the greatest sages whose name was Raban Ben Zakai Raban the son of Zakai and he was a student of Hillel and Shamai and uh in the previous Mishna Zak who was a student of Shama says he used to say the Mishna says used to say if you learned a lot of don't become arrogant from it this is the purpose of your creation the next Mishna seemingly goes off on a tangent and starts discussing history and here's the history had five students. These are their names. Rabelzbinos. Rabelz the son of Hinos. Rab Yeshua banana the son of Kanya. Rabio. Rabio was a Rabi Shiman Ben. Rabi Shima the son of Nanov. Rabi ben. And Rabaza the son of Ara. So the Mishna now says that Rabbak has five students Rabzhus. He's also known as Rabbi Alzar, the great Rabbi Alzarb who you see on the bottom below the Hebrew there's an English translation I put in he used to count or list their their praise their outstanding virtues and this is what he Rabz [Music] Hinusipza the son of Herkinos he is a plastered sistern which does not lose even a drop of water is a sistern like a pit sud is it's plastered it's plastered so well that even a drop of water doesn't leak out doesn't get lost that's how he described the first student of Herkas which means he retains everything. He forgets not even a drop of water that I put into him. He is like a system but a solid one that contains and retains everything without losing even one drop. Which obviously describes what type of memory he had, what type of mind he had, his ability to listen, his ability to absorb, his ability to retain, and not just retain but retain literally everything. It's important to emphasize that this is the time when Zak says this, the oral tradition has not yet been put on paper. The terabal was still called was was really called because it was tora that was given over bal mouth to mouth, face to face, teacher to student. It was not yet written. only a few generations afterwards generation of Rabbi Yehuda Hanasi Rabbi Judah the prince he would be the editor of the Mishnayas and he's the one who would put down all the traditions and from the generations onto paper and that would become the Mishna the first official text of so the fact retains everything is an incredible incredible feat and very very important especially in that era. Next, the son of a happy is the woman who gave birth to him. That's what he said about him. Fortunate ash, fortunate or lucky or how great or happy is the one who was milled him, the one who gave birth to him. Obviously he's such a special special fine person that the mother who gave birth to him must be truly fortunate and happy the third student who was a priest he was a cayenne he just said one word he's aass obviously from the word a truly kind pious generous outstanding human being baselim the son of Nassan the fourth student is somebody who fears sin the fifth one of he's like a spring that is continuously vibrating with everinccreasing force may is a wellspring gab it's always vibrating It's always flowing with with strength with might. It never ceases. That's okay. The teacher used to say if all the sages of Israel were on one scale, they were on one scale of the balance was on the other scale, he would outweigh them all. In other words, his qualities, his virtues would outweigh all the other sages even though it's four to one. He actually says all the sages may even be more than four. Abash Abash who was also a sage. He was called Abash literally means a borrowed father. An interesting name said in his name if the sages of Israel were on one scale of the balance and Rebel and Herkinus was with them and was on the other scale he would outweigh them all. So we have two versions of what Zak said either he said the first student the sistern that's plastered that doesn't lose a drop that would outweigh them all or quoted him who is the wellspring that is always vibrating and flowing he would outweigh everybody okay the continues said to these five students go out and observe which is the right way to which a person should cleave what's the path a person should cultivate this is a challenge he gives these five great students says a good eye to be able to have a good I a that's the first student says nothing like a good friend a good companion a good pal says a good neighbor says the fourth student foresight somebody who has vision somebody who sees that which will be born even though it's not present And the last one says a good heart. I said to them, I somehow prefer or have a proclivity or a special sensitivity to the words of for his words include also your words. In other words, from all the choices, a good eye and a good friend and a good neighbor and foresight. He says, "I choose the fifth one, a good heart." Because in the good heart, you already have included the other four as well. That's basically the story brought here in his five students. It continues with the opposite in which he says to them go out and see which is the most negative attribute that a person can cultivate and they come back and rebel says an evil eye and Yeshua says not a good friend and says not a good neighbor and Shiman says somebody who borrows and doesn't pay back which means no foresight and rebel says again a heart that is negative not a good heart and Zakai again prefers his insight. Now let's delve a little bit into this Mishna and think about it. The first thing is is a very interesting track to Mishnay but the common denominator of all the five and six chapters is that it's basically teaching a person ethics truths proper behavior. Um the Gmorra says in somebody who wants to be meaning somebody who wants to live a pious and good and decent and noble life should learn and should implement it because already from the beginning is basically a teacher but it's not a teacher of technical laws. It's a teacher of of personality issues, dispositions, characteristics. We to work on things to be cautious about, things to cultivate and so forth. You don't have anywhere else a Mishna that is just dedicated to a teacher giving compliments to his students. It's a wonderful thing that Zakai starts telling five students. He's he's he's enumerating their praises. It's wonderful. But how does it fit into the genre of Pyavas? The Jean Briov is not history. Nor is it a diary about the relationship between a particular teacher and his students. And yet we have a whole Mishna that tells us the story that Zak had five students. If you already want to talk about everybody's students there were hundreds of teachers who had hundreds and thousands of students. So you can go through all of the Rambam and his introduction to Mishna goes through 40 generations from Ashi. Who was the teacher? who is the student but doesn't do that. It starts off right away and goes fast all the way to and over there it's to to tell you how the tradition worked here it's just about five students and then he just tells you he counted the praise of these five students how does it come into pras that's question number one doesn't seem to fit the genre of the ethics of the fathers number two before zaka and after zak there were many great rebas teachers and leaders and sages himself was a student of the great hill and the great shama hillow himself had 80 students the gammorra says in suk he had yonuziel his oldest student zaka his youngest student everybody that's how the chra was transmitted from teacher to student from teacher to student it says ini that the toyra is like and the says says it's like a kadur Kadur bono. It's like a ball that a girl throws to another girl to pass it on. In other words, every teacher took the ball like the baton and passed it on through the ball to the next and they catch it. They make sure you have it and then you throw it on to the next generation. Why is he the only one who's complimenting his students? So you say others also did but somehow the pyavas it's the one story we have that he's the one who was praising his students. There were hundreds of generations before him and certainly after him Zach lived even before the Mishna was written. But this story is said about Zach. Another interesting thing is when Rabbi Yeshua is praised how does he praise him? He speaks about his mother. Now it's nice to speak about a mother. We can speak about everybody's mother with him. He doesn't talk about his qualities. It's almost like he's speaking about his mother's qualities. In a way, you can even say he's not talking about him. He's talking about his mother. Now, they all had wonderful mothers who raised them. But over here, he speaks about he doesn't just say though fortunate is his mother or fortunate is his father or fortunate is his parents. He said uses the word. Fortunate is the one who gave birth to him. But why don't you talk about the qualities, the virtues? He doesn't say that with he says he fears sin. Now that's an interesting thing because all of the sages one of the prerequisites for being in the Sanhedrin for being one of the sages is that you have your if you don't have that integrity that ethical sensitivity so then the scholarship is pretty much worthless. But with bananel he emphasizes he feared sin. Obviously there was something special about benanel different than the other ones. And then there is the argument if he held it if hinus is the greatest because he is a sistern that doesn't lose a drop or he held it is the greatest because he's a maya. He's not a sister that doesn't lose a drop, but he's a well that doesn't stop flowing with everinccreasing strength. So, how are we supposed to understand all of this? The truth is that this Mishna does fit into Pikyavas. It's not just a story about a sage who had five students and he decided he's going to compliment them and in pyavas we have to hear about their compl with the compliments which is a wonderful thing but doesn't seem to fit into a book that's instructing us about ethics and about behavior and about disposition. But what if this mission is actually teaching a very very profound lesson that does guide a person especially in the world of pedagoguy and mentorship and leadership and education. What the mission is is telling us is how does one raise students, disciples, children, grandchildren like Rabb Zakai raised and why him? Why him? So before we get to why him, let's understand what the Mishna is telling us. And we have here clear very powerful guidance. The word understood is Mina means count. He would count their praises. Now it's an interesting expression. You count money. Maybe you count how many eggs you have. You have to make muffins and you need a certain amount of eggs. You count how many eggs you have. You count how many tomatoes or cucumbers you have for the salad. People count things that are countable. What does it mean? He counted their praises. He had a sheet and he counted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. But this is essential to the entire message here. Zach didn't just say, "I have amazing students." He didn't even just tell them, "You guys are outstanding. I love you. I cherish you. You are creme. You're the best of the best." That's also wonderful. But he did something much more than that. Like when you count there's 1, two, 3, four, five. He specified and he counted and he elaborated in a very detailed and specific way each one of their praises. He didn't compare one to the other. He didn't say, "You're all just wonderful kind, wonderful students. I'm lucky to have you." Which is also a wonderful thing to say. But like in a count where you have to be specific and particular counting doesn't refer to the collective. You say there's a big crowd here. How many? Oh, it's a huge crowd. One and two and three and four. What he showed to his each of the students is he showed to them their strengths. He mirrored to them who they were. He allowed them to hear from him and to see in him what he saw in them, understanding that that's the way they're going to be able to see it in themselves by having a teacher who truly believed in them. And not just believed in them in a general all-encompassing way and gave nice feedback and comments, but somebody who can really pin it down. somebody who can really really get down to the to the details. It wasn't just general positive reinforcement. Yeah. Oh, so you're saying is very general. The other ones are more specific. Very good. That was our question. Seems very general. Why don't you speak about his mid, his qualities, his virtues, hisma? Good. Good question. We're going to get to that in a moment. Right. also seems okay he fears sin perhaps in a unique way and that's what we learn from here when when when when we try to lift up somebody we try to compliment somebody in a very positive way I could do it in a very general way you know you're cute you're adorable you're angelic you're such a good which is all good but teaches us something much more also minor that he was always counting and looking out. Yes, that's another interesting thing. It's not that he did it once like it says he would always do it. This was not something you know once in 20 years when the called he said something nice ha this was a constant thing. He was always looking out for it. He always sought he identified it. He emphasized it. He made a stom. He made a ruckus about it. This was his thing. And he would bring it out. He would bring it out not just in words, in actions, in in in most importantly perhaps in body language, in gestures, in the way you communicate to each of them. And because he did this on a constant basis and in a very genuine and authentic way, they began to see that in themselves. He mirrored to them what he wanted. they should be able to mirror to themselves. He showed them what they should be able to see in themselves. So, of course, this belongs in priyavas because it's teaching you how to inspire people, how to empower people. The first thing is you have to be able to see the goodness. The second thing is you have to be able to celebrate it. I could see something and then go to sleep. be able to celebrate it, talk about it, get excited about it, dance with it, and and then help them dance with it. So, first of all, it's seeing it, it's noticing it, and then it's communicating it. And it's not just communicating it once, but it's a lifestyle that is engaged and dedicated to that type of of of of communication. Why Zach? Every teacher Zach was in a unique moment of history. Why? Aben Zaki as I mentioned was a student of hil Shamai. Hill and Shami were the zoo. They were the great sages that lived close to the end of the era of the second basikash. The second basik was destroyed in the year 70 after the common era. Now we're in the year 2023. in the year 20070, right? 20070. It's going to be exactly 2,000 years because it happened in 70. So 2070 is CE after the common area, not BCE. BCE is before zero. In the secular calendar, zero officially is begins the year that is born. Whether that's mammish the year or it's not mage the year is a separate issue. But the year zero begins the year officially that he was born. No, if he was killed by the Romans, he was crucified by the Romans in his 30s. So that would be approximately the year 30 or 36 common era which means exactly 30 40 years before the true which coincides generally with history. Now there's a lot of you know not everything is so clear and there's a lot of debates in terms of the exact history but that's when the year zero begins in their tradition. In fact BCE and CE usually stands for something else but we call it the common era. They have another there's other acronyms for it. It's not for this class. Huh. People say ad is completely different that I usually don't say CE. So the year zero starts starts that calendar. Our calendar Jewish calendar of course the Bameikush was destroyed in the year um very good. Very good. Huh. But but just a drop 38 28 or 3829 or 3830. Right. a few hundred years over. You're talking about the construction of it. Now, did the B was B destroyed in the year 70 or the year 69 or the year 68? There's a few versions, but it's one of those few years. In the in the Jewish calendar, that would be the year 3,830. So, it's very different than 70. The secular calendar, that's 70. By us, it's already 3,830 years since creation. Because our calendar doesn't begin with the birth of a Jewish kid, but one Jewish kid. 28 was built in 348. Yeah. So some say it was 28, 29 or 30, which in the English would be 68, 69 or 70. Who was the leader of the Sanhedrin? which means who was the spiritual leader of the Jewish people during this time and zak and the garitten tells a fascinating story how zak felt that it's impossible for the Jews to fight the Romans it's simply not going to work and he felt that they have to engage and talk to the Romans there were the zealots the koim the sikim who said absolutely not and they staged a revolt they burned the grain in Jerusalem so it would force the Jews to go to war and Zak had a very different opinion. He sneaked out of Jerusalem and the only way he can do it is he feigned his death and they took him out in a coffin to make believe they have to bury him and he was really alive and he went and he met Vaspasian Aspionus. Now that's a fascinating thing because Aspionis at the time was the commanding general of the Roman legions coming to conquer Jerusalem but later he would become the emperor of Rome. He would go back to Rome succeeding Nero Nero and he would send his son Titus to go destroy actual Basamed. Vespasian was the father of Titos. But Zak met Vespasian and Vespasian was so impressed by him that he asked him what he would like and Zakai famously asked for three things. He wanted a doctor for who fasted 40 years. He wanted that he should spare the dynasty of Raml which is the dynasty of David. And he wanted the lasting tenly of he should spear the city of Yavna and its sages which means he should not destroy Yavna and its sages which Vespasian agreed. There were people very critical of Zach. The garra says either or coined the phrase they use the paraphrase the m sometimes hashem takes the mind of the wise and he sets it backwards and they applied this that he wasn't thinking says I'll do whatever you want give me your wish he should have said leave Jerusalem alone don't touch the bd go back to Romeakai thought he will never agree to that he needed to ask for something small but they were very upset The truth is, the truth is and you have to understand this. The Gmorra says in was very sick. He was at his deathbed. He lived very long. Says for the first 40 years of his life, he was engaged in business, commerce. Second 40 years he learned. The last 40 years he taught. So he had a very productive life. When he was on his deathbed, his students came to visit him and they saw that he was sobbing. So they asked him, "Reb sobbing?" And he says, "When a person leaves this world, there's two pathways. One path leads to Ganed to paradise, and one path leads to gem to purgatory. So I'm sobbing and then the last moment before he breathed his last breath he said prepare a chair near the bed for me the king of Yehuda who's apparently came to escort him and zake passed away now the question is did he really feel that he's going to go to gehenn I mean if he's not going to ganed who is it made for you know it's like the old joke. The old joke they say that uh in paradise God takes out a can of tuna and feeds it to Moses and the next day sardines and the next day another can of tuna and then jarred geila fish. Finally after a few months Mosher Rabenu says can the menu in Ganaden be a little more diversified? He says, "Listen, for one person, does it pay to cook? You know, you want the kitchen, you go to Ghan. There's a lot of action over there." Humility doesn't mean that if I'm tall, I say I'm short. And if I'm smart, I say I'm dumb. That's not humility. It's stupidity. You'll forgive me. Humility doesn't mean I lie about my qualities or my virtues. Humility means putting them in perspective, contextualizing them. Zachary really thought that he deserves purgatory after the life he lived. Well, he knew who he was. It's a very difficult thing to understand and he's sobbing that he may end up in purgatory. The answer is that sometimes when a person comes to the end of their life, generally when we get older and more introspective, you may have lived a wonderful and amazing life, but sometimes there's one story that eats up on me and I can't forgive myself for it. And even if a person looks back and they know they tried their best and they did many good things, sometimes there is that one choice I made or that one decision that happened or that one occurrence that I may have not dealt with correctly and precisely at the end of one's life that really comes up knew his virtues and he knew his greatness. But there was one story that sat on his chest for many many years and that was the moment he met Vespasian because Vespasian said, "What do you want? I will do it for you. And Rabbi Yak and Rab Ysef in later generations felt that he made a terrible terrible error. He was given the opportunity to save Jerusalem to save the Bikash. Obviously he was trying his best but he asked himself am I indirectly responsible for the decimation oft because of me obviously it's the Romans who destroyed it but I was given the opportunity to prevent it and maybe my fear or my insecurity or my lack of courage or I was afraid he's going to throw me out of the room or I wanted him to be good to us whatever their calculations were I failed not just me I failed my people. I failed my history. I failed my past, my future. I failed Clal because what he asked for was a doctor for spear one family and spear yav the yeshiva. Don't destroy the yeshiva. He says maybe I do have to go to ge. And at such a moment when you're standing in front of a spian, it's not like you could start looking into books and calling your your teacher and calling other people to consult. you're right in front of the most powerful person of the world. Soon he would become the emperor of Rome. The Roman Empire was the most powerful empire in the world. And at that moment, he made a decision. That's what he asked for. And at this point, before the end of his life, he said, "Maybe, maybe I failed my people and failed them in such a catastrophic and dramatic way." And yet the last moment before he breathed his breath, he said, "Prepare a chair for me." What's the uniqueness of Huda? Was the king of Judea and the Tanakh says that he was one of the most righteous kings, which is not a small thing in the Tanakh because not many kings made it into the list of righteousness. Tanakh is very honest about how leadership corrupts people and especially the kings of Yoris was one of the special ones, the pure ones. And Sanyrian king came and he exiled the 10 tribes in the north of Israel and they have been lost until today. Nobody knows what happened to millions of Jews who were assimilated. I don't know if you know, but there's close to 50 or 100 million people around the whole world who claim that they're connected to the 10 tribes of Israel. It's fascinating. Go figure. The Gmorrah says when Mashiach comes the 10 tribes are going to come back disagreed and the Gmorrah says Rabaka became when he said that he abandoned his piety his piety for saying they're not going to come back. Usually Rabbaka was the defender of the Jewish people wanted that the king of Yehuda should also surrender but he refused. He refused to surrender and he did not give in to and remained in the Jewish hands. So now when came to say goodbye to Zak he was telling him you did not destroy Jerusalem. I'm here to escort you. I'm the one who protected you. You saved your why? Because what Zakai did and what Vespasian didn't re realize is Vpasian thought this old Jew is asking for Yava. Big deal. I'll give him Yavna. Yava is a city. It's like 15 miles from Yurushalam. 20 miles maybe 12 around 12 miles. I think 20 kilometers not far from your center of learning was of scholarship of the yeshivas of the sun. Big deal. I'll give it to them. Well, there's no power here. What Vespasian didn't realize was that by fulfilling this request, he was actually signing his own obituary. He was actually um stamping his own death certificate, Rome's death certificate and guaranteeing the eternity of the Jewish people because what Zaki understood was that with a basikt without a basikt maybe will the Jews be able to survive it's a very very powerful question without etc etc but he knew one thing that if they have if they will continue to have the and the mitzvah and Yiddish will be alive. Ultimately, they'll be able to return. Ultimately, they will be a nation. So, bypass said, "Yeah, I'll give you." He didn't realize that in four a few hundred years Rome would be gone. Where's the Roman Empire today? It's in Wikipedia. That's where it is. You could check it out. You could There's an entry with Vespasian and a statue of Aspasian and a manument of Espasian and a what is it called? Bust a bust of Apasian. We don't have a bust of we don't have a bust of Rabenu. We don't have a sculpture of not of David of Melik. If you want to see David, you have to go to Michelangelo Florence. If you want to see the Rambam, you got to go to Cordoba in Spain in Maral in Prague. In in the Jewish place, you have no monuments and no bust of anybody. But you know what we have? We Huh? They want to destroy those monuments anyways because that's what that's what they are. They have monuments. You have a monument of Titus, a monument of Espasian. The the pharaohs mummified themselves in Egypt. What the Jewish people though have is the teachings of Zak. We don't need a bust. You have the soul of Zak. We learn his every day like him and so by asking for guaranteed that almost two literally almost 2,000 years later, it's close to 2,000 years Rome is gone. But the Jewish people are vibrant. Not just survived but thrived. But at that moment he was full of doubt. So came to tell him, "You weren't wrong, you were right." um because he lived in that era. He literally watched the transition from Gula to Gulas, from independence to exile, from Jewish people having their own land, their own spiritual epicenter, their own independence, spiritual and to some degree and not political. They were under Rome already for a while and they were under Greece at some point. Kashm liberated them from Gree, Syria, Greece, but then the Romans took over. But they still had a spiritual and physical center they can call their own. Zakai saw that all change. He saw it all go down. First of all, he saw untold amounts of death and suffering. Jews being sold as slaved in the hundreds of thousands to the point Josephus says that the price of a Jewish slave was less than $1. Imagine you can buy a slave for less than a dollar. There was so many. That's how cheap the value of a Jew was. saw all of this and he was the leader and he felt a responsibility to guarantee the eternity of the Jewish people and of Judaism in that era which was one of the blackest and darkest eras in Jewish history may be the blackest and darkest era till the Holocaust both in the sheer amounts of death and the catastrophe that took over the collective people and the catastrophe continued because Rome did not just go home and say okay we destroyed the B mikdash now live in peace. 60 years later there would be a bara revolt in 132 and that revolt would not end well. It was a disab then by the revolt at such a moment in history understood you have to create students who will become leaders. You see in a way it's easier to create students than it's to create leaders. to create people who are always dependent on you, who will just always quote you and always call you up and say, "What should I do now? What should I do? What should I do?" That's not so hard. But to create people who can create people, to create people who are independent, who are visionary, who take responsibility, that's much harder. For this, you have to empower them. There are leaders who create students, but the greatest of great create leaders. And what does it mean? They create leaders. They create people who can take responsibility like they took responsibility. For this, you have to be able to teach them who they are. Not just always come back to the source for guidance. You want to be able to always come back to the source for guidance, but ultimately you find the power and inspiration in yourself. Zaki understood that in such a moment in Jewish history, we can't afford to lose any talent. We can't afford to lose any child. We can't afford to lose any creativity. We can't afford to lose any gift. We can't afford to lose any soul. We can't afford to lose any student. We can't. There's too much at stake. It's too precious a time. It's too serious a time to be able to just let people fall down by the sidelines and just say there are always casualties. So therefore, from all the teachers, it was him who taught the path. He went to each of these students and he said, "Let me teach you who you are." And by showing them who they are, they became those people. This wasn't just a man sitting on a chair throwing compliments. This is a lesson in pedagoguy. How you do it. But it must come from a very, very genuine place. Because if it's just lip service, if I just say nice things about somebody and I don't really mean it, I don't really connect to it. I'm just, you know, just throwing out words, but the words are empty, it ultimately doesn't have that effect. And it's not always easy because people have virtues, people have flaws, people have great qualities, but people also struggle with something. And sometimes those struggles take over and they're very profound and very deep. And naturally we gravitate to those struggles says if you see a student or a child and you're not ready to be able to see the praise and bring it out you can't be an educator you can't be an educator go get another job sell pencils pencils are not so sensitive become the CEO of a great factory but if you want a factory for souls oo a factory for souls when I come into my house, when I come into my classroom, when I come in contact with anybody, even if there's other things going on, if I cannot identify and zoom in and tune in to the to the virtues, to the greatness, to the depth, to the genuiness, to the sincerity, to the authenticity, to the spirituality, to the light present in this student's soul, then I will never be able to be that pedagogue who really really brings out the best in my child or the best in my disciple or the best in my student. There was a wonderful teacher he passed away a number of years ago Rabdovich Shrank. He was the principal of the yeshiva in Adelfia in New Jersey. So my friend Srilli Bess who wrote a biography about him it's called just love them beautiful book so he shares there a story about tr and uh his wife often tunes in to us Mrs. strength. So if you're here, welcome. So he shares a very it's it's a small story, but it's not small at all. There was a policy in yeshiva in the high school that you're not supposed to smoke. Not such a terrible policy, right? You're not supposed to smoke. Anyway, he walks into somebody's room at night. One of the dormatory walks in and the boy is sitting on his bed and he's smoking and it was like on a very strong policy. If you smoke, you can't be here. It's not good for your health. It's not good for other people's health. Secondhand smoked shrank sees and the boy, you know, they're face to face and he's smoking. He's like in the middle of, you know, middle of that puff, you know, usually you say, "I got it from somebody else." You know, it's alpabo, which means I received a cigarette from somebody else. So, uh, Rab looked at him and said, "Listen, you know what you're doing is wrong. You're not supposed to smoke. But you know, I also did something wrong. I walked into your room without asking permission. You're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to walk into somebody's room without knocking. So, we both did something wrong. So, let's try this again. Okay? I'm leaving the room and I'm going to fix what I did and you try to fix what you did." And he walked out. He waited a few minutes and then he knocked on the door and the boy said, "Come in." And he came in and guess what? Abracadabra, there was no cigarettes. Sure. I'm sure if you were there, you would still smell it. I don't think he had a spray. Was a boy's dormatory, but uh but that was it. You understand the difference? And that was the end of that. The point was there's a relationship. There's a connection. I'm not trying to catch you. The rules are there for the child. The children are not there for the rules. It's a different approach. Of course, rules are important and policies are important, but the rules are there for the children. The children weren't created for the rules. The institution is here to serve the children. The children are not here to fit into my institution. Or as Winston Churchill put it, we create institutions to facilitate our dreams and then we become prisoners to those institutions that we created for our dreams. You forget what's the means to an end. And what's the end? Institutions, policies, rules, they're all means. The end is people, souls, which each soul is the connection to the people, the attachment, the empowerment, the feeling that they have that they're seen, that they're safe, they're secure, they're soothed, they're cherished, they're valued, they're loved. You want to bring out the best. You want them to fly. You want them to dance till the end of love and beyond. So there was a boy over there who unfortunately stopped keeping Shabas and he was quite mischievous and wild and one Friday night he managed to break into the principal's office, Rabbi Tran's office and the keys to his car were on the desk and he knew Rabbi Tran doesn't need his car for the next 24 hours at Shabas and he took the keys and he went to the parking lot Friday night. So one of the other boys says where you going? So I'm going to the movie theater. I'm going to the movie theater. This and this movie. He says, "Take me along." He says, "No, if I'm sinning already, it's for me. I'm not sinning for other people. It's for my." So he says, "If you don't take me along, I'm going to snitch. I'm going to tell Rabbi Shrank." He said, "Good. I anyway want to be thrown out of this place. Now I'm here cuz my parents are forcing me. Once I'm thrown out, I'm have to go back to yeshiva." Wonderful. Please tell him. And it was Friday night. He drove away. Imagine. So he steals a car on choppers and he drives away. This fellow was true to his word. He went to Abd Frank's home and he told them that this and this boy went into your office, broke into your office. However, he picked a lock, took your keys, took your car and Abd Shrank listens. It's Friday night towards the end of the middle of his meal. And he says, "Where did he go?" He says, "He went to the movie theater." So Abdovich Shrank puts on his coat and he says, "Do you know where this movie theater is?" He says, "Yeah, it's this and this address." He says, "Can you tell me how to get there?" He says, "Yeah, we all know how to get there." And he tells him how to get there, but he says, "It's very far. It's not a few blocks, so you have to walk a mile or two miles." It was a Friday night, a winter night in New Jersey. He says, "I'm going. I'm walking." He puts on his coat and he walks to the movie theater. Imagine. He comes to the movie theater. He goes in, there's a booth. You got to pay whatever you got to pay. No. $7, $12, $11. The woman says, "How can I help you?" He says, "I don't want to watch a film, but I have somebody, a close person. He's there and I have to speak to him for a moment. Could you please let me come in without paying?" She said, "I can't. You can't go into the movie theater without paying." He says, "Now look at me. Do I look like a guy who came in to watch a movie? I mean, look at me. Look at my hat. Look at my bid. Look at my pants. Look at my coat. It's Sabbath. It's Saturday. We don't do this on Saturday. Look, do I look honest? Do I don't look? She says, "Okay, but how long?" He says, "Just a few minutes." She says, "Fine, go in." So, he goes in. Now, you know, you have many auditoriums with different cinema. So, now he has to find and it's dark. They're all watching movies. I don't know. There's going to be five movies, 10 movies simultaneously. So, now he has to start looking for his beloved student. So, he goes into one and he's looking and it's pitch dark and you have to see where everybody is sitting. It's not so easy. Big rooms. It was a big theater. And he goes from one to another one, another one. He goes into one of them. He scans the room and he sees one of he sees him. He sees him sitting watching the movie. So, you know, you're not let to make noise because uh you're going to disturb people in their moment of heightened tranquility. So, he, you know, he he slowly walks over very clandestinely, very silently. Near the boy, there's an empty chair. and he sits down close to him without making even a uttering a peep or a sound. Now you know when you know you're sometimes sitting and even if you don't see you just feel something is happening around you. It's like an energy right cuz people have energy like you just feel somebody is near you even though they didn't touch you. So this boy just felt suddenly that there's somebody near him. So he turns around. Now you can imagine what that moment looked like. It's like you know the worst nightmare for Yeshiva boy coming true. You know, like his principal is sitting in the movie theater right near him. And watching the movie Friday night when you have a better time, right? Shrank and he's he's like, "What are you doing here?" Should disturb anybody. They're watching a movie. It's very important. What are you doing here? He says, "I came to talk to you." He says, "What do you want to tell me?" So, I want to tell you as follows. The popcorn in this particular movie theater is not kosher. So, you'll probably want to buy some food and Pepsi and soda to enjoy the movie. Do me a favor. Don't buy the popcorn. I love you. Have a good night. Enjoy yourself. He gets up and he leaves. He leaves. He goes out of the theater and he starts walking back. He tells the woman, "Thank you. I'm out." He starts walking back home. It's Friday night. A few minutes later, he feels somebody near him. He turns around. It's the boy. He says, "I'm not going to let you walk back alone. I'm walking with you." He says, "Wonderful. Let's walk together." And they walked back a whole way almost two miles cold. Rabbi Trey didn't mention a word. Not about the movie, not about Chabas, not about the car. All he did the whole way back was tell him jokes and stories. He was a very funny and charismatic person. If you knew him, he was extremely charismatic and vivacious and loud and passionate and fiery the trank family. So, uh that's what he did. They came back to the office. They came back to yeshiva. They had to part ways. He gives him a kiss. Says, "Have a beautiful shabas and hope to see you tomorrow." And he went home. Didn't say a word. The boy told the story and said, "At that moment, I knew I was staying in yeshiva and I would never ever violate Chabas again." I was uh I was uh I said this once at a shir and I was in a store a few days later, one of the stores here in Muny, one of the supermarkets I know was Wesley Kosha or evergreen rockland kosher. Somebody came over to me and said every word was true because I was a yeshiva at the time. He says I was a yeshiva at the time. I could tell you the name. Every word was true. He once said the gammor says which means in how do I gain ownership over something? How do I gain ownership over something if something is yours? How do I gain over ownership? If it's mobile, if it's real estate, there's different ways. So one of the main ways is hagba means by uplifting it. You give me your watch, you give me your phone, you give me your jacket, I lift it up, it becomes mine. Of course if you if you give consent I don't mean if I steal it like the by the kenyan right you pick up hagba you lift up and that's how you ka. So Tran used to say, you want to be kind to somebody, you want to acquire a student, hagba, lift them up. Hagba, you lift them up, you're kind of to them forever. You put them down, you lose them forever. Hagba, you pick them up. Ka, you think Rabbi Trang didn't know what he did with the car? You think he didn't know about Chabas? You think it didn't eat him up, but he had to make a choice. He could have looked at this boy and said, "Never step foot into this place and I'm calling the police and I'll put you in prison." He could have done that. Where would that boy be today? We know where he would be. What he understood was the boy is disinterested. The boy is having whatever the boy was going through. But he understood that if there's connection, if there's attachment, if he feels really cherished and loved and believed in, he'll find himself in a different way. There was a boy over there. Just reminding myself, there was a boy there who unfortunately he liked to steal. You know, sometimes he didn't have money and he would go from dormatory room to dormatory and he would empty out people's pockets and people's [Laughter] drawers. Open up your horizons ones, too. Listen, there's another million positive stories, but that I'm just bringing out these stories because it brings out who he was as a mechan. But you do remind me of a story. You do remind me of a good story. There was a there was a Baluva who came to learn a kabad bala yeshiva. His mother was completely secular. She calls him one day and she says, "Jack, how you doing?" So he was a real Baltui was very into it. So he said, "Mom, mom, today is the day that the alterba came out of prison. It's a galdic, a beautiful day." She says, "Wonderful." Okay. A few months later, she calls, "How you doing?" He says, "Today is yud was the day that the rebay came out of prison." A few months later, the dayb came out of prison. It's a great day. So she says, "You know, I'm so happy you're having a good time, but I'm not so happy about the people you're hanging out with. Why are they all in prison? And why are they coming out of prison? And why are they your friends? Okay, I don't know if it's true or not, but it's an old joke they said or an old story they said. So, this guy was pickpocketing people and you know what? They busted him. Somebody caught him. And Rabbi Tran one evening in the Yeshiva, he sees like a little commotion and he hears through the grapevine that they decided a group of boys, they're going to go into his room at night and they're going to beat him up. He's stealing everybody's money for months and months. They're going to they're going to they're going to give him a lesson that he's going to remember. They'll give him a beating. He heard about this. So, he right away asked one of the boys, "Tell everybody." He gave him a list that we're having an emergency meeting in my house right after my for all these boys. He brings him to the house and he tells them a fictional story that he says, "Guys, the fellow who stole the money came to me today to apologize." And he said that he feels so horrible and he doesn't know what he took from what. So he gave me all his money and he said, "Here, give it back to them and let everybody take what they own." And Rabbi Tran takes out from his draw. He empties out all his dollars and he says, "Everybody take whatever is yours." And they all took their money and he promised he'll never do it again. They all left. Now he called him this boy. And he said, "Listen, I went out on a limb for you. I apologize in your name. It never happened. I gave them back the money that you never gave back to me. I did it this time. Next time, you got to take care of yourself." He changed a person's life. He changed a person's life before Rishashana before Rishashana one year but was slick before slick I told a story here somebody sent me the story in email such a moving story it's a little story that maybe captures three books of psychology person emailed me a person went to a wedding and he sees his third grade rebby in school his third grade rebby he sees and he goes over to him and he says shalom Do you remember me? He says, "No." He said, "I learned in your class, third grade." He said, "Yeah, it was like probably 30 years ago, 35, 40 years ago." He says, "Wow, it's so nice. Masleto, great to see you. What's your name?" He says his name. "Oh, I remember such a name in my class." He says, "What do you do?" And he tells his old teacher, "I am a third grade teacher just like you." He says, "Wow, that's amazing. What inspired you to do that?" He says, "You, you inspired me when I saw the impact you had on me in third grade. I decided I want to have such an impact on people." He says, "What type of impact did I have on you?" And this is what he told him. He said, "I was a very poor kid. We came from a poor family. All I craved was a watch. My parents couldn't afford a watch." One day, I saw that one of our my classmates in third grade got this new watch and he had it in his jacket, in his his coat. So, by recess, I decided to steal his watch. He came back from playing outside by recess. He walks in. He sees his watch is gone. He starts screaming to you, to the teacher, "Somebody stole my watch. It's gone. Somebody took it." So you turn to all the kinder and you say, "Did somebody by mistake or not by mistake take a watch? It's not yours. It belongs to somebody. Please give it back and it's fine." At this point, I was too embarrassed. I was too embarrassed to give back the watch. I was afraid of repraisals and revenge and anger and who knows what would happen to me. And you closed the door and you said, "Somebody needs to give back the watch. It's not fear. We stole we somebody's watch was stolen from me. We can't live like this." And you closed the door and nobody was showing up with the watch cuz I was too embarrassed. And you said, "Everybody, please line up and close your eyes and empty your pockets onto the desk near you and nobody's going to see anybody else and we'll give back the watch." And that's what you did. And you had everybody's eyes closed, including mine. So when my watch came out at the desk, there was a big desk, everybody put it on the desk, nobody could see it. And you saved me from public shame and humiliation that day. And I thought you would call me in afterwards and reprimand me for what I did. You didn't even do that. You ignored the story as though it never ever happened. And when I saw how you saved my dignity that day cuz I thought I would be shamed for life, I decided I want to go into this field. I want to do for other children what you did for me. And the older teacher was so moved. He says, "Wow, that is so beautiful. That is so amazing." He says, "Rebi, you're making as though you don't remember the story. you must remember this story. He says, "Actually, I don't." He says, "You mean when you hear my name and you look at me, you don't remember that I stole a watch and you found it and you did not tell me anything and nobody else knew about it?" He says, "I don't remember. I don't." He says, "How can it be?" And he says, "I also closed my eyes." I also closed my eyes. So, I didn't know. I didn't know it was you. I just saw a watch and I gave it back. It was irrelevant to me who took it. I said this over before Slickus. A few days later, I'm getting messages from friends in Brazil, one after another. Wow, this story really did it well. I'm like, what happened? There was the president of Brazil was then running for reelections to be uh to be nominated again as the president of Brazil. Somebody sent him a clip of me telling the story before Slickus. He had it translated with uh by with um captions captions into Portuguese and he sent it out to 25 million people on his list with an introduction. The introduction was we have to learn from the Jewish people how to educate children. And then he sent out my clip. I'm talking in English. He had Portuguese captions. So 25 million Gentiles got the story. And he said, "This is what the Jews understood how to educate children." But I want to think, but what did what did this teacher know that other people don't know? What did he know? This you don't I could go to a 100 seminars. I can read books, right? I can know all the rules. This is something else. This is called an emotional intelligence. Emotional not just intelligence, but love, empathy. It's believing in people. part of me I see a child a Ganf a ganov and what type of mother does he share with his mother of course he's a ganov and I I knew the barber I knew the and you know what I remember when my mother used to talk about the grandmother after the war I remember you think Google does research on people ask your grandmother about after the war you know those everybody today she's a debbitson we remember what she looked like aans in 1947 I'll tell you what happened in the DP camps So of course the the the enicle is a ganif. It's very easy to go there and you know what some of it may even be true. But what he understood was I can analyze he's a thief and why is he a thief? Everyone has toxicity. We all have darkness. It's called the yates. Whatever it looks like and whatever the reason is he had then a choice and the choice is what am I going to connect with? Which world am I going to live in? Am I going to live in the world of negativity or am I going to live in the world of light, of brightness? And that changed everything. The most important thing is he showed the child which world he can live in. The child every day can look in the mirror and say, "I'm a filthy thief." Or the child could wake up, look in the mir mirror, and say, "I'm worthy of this teacher's infinite dignity and dedication. Why am I so worthy? Maybe I'm not just a filthy thief. Maybe there's something so valuable about me. That attachment, that connection is at the core of everything. And that's Zaki who was responsible for the complete destruction of the Jewish epicenter. And exile is going to begin. And Jews are not going to have anything that they used to have to hold on to. Pes is going to be different. No bes will be different. Imagine they used to go to the Bik Mikt. It was different. This was the So Rabbi of the Raovich. Yeah. So he honored me to light the So he says, you know, this is the closest physical proximity, the closest place to where the Kasho lit the first Kaneka. It was the closest place, but it was not in the Harabay. It was down by the plaza of the kisel. So zak said we can't afford to lose leaders. We can't afford to lose talent. We can't afford to lose balish. We can't afford to lose. We can't afford to lose a child. How do you do it? He brought out that quality. Now let's see. Let's see. What do you ask? Uh It's almost like his mother gets the credit, not him. His mother must be happy. He's an aasel. But the truth is he was saying something very deep here. Ash, he doesn't even say mother or father. He says when he was given birth to and the one who gave birth to him. When a child is born, and we all know this feeling, especially I'm speaking to a crowd here in this room who knows this feeling better than I'll ever be able to describe. When you look at that baby, a few seconds, a few minutes, even a few days, a few weeks, a few months after they're born, what do you see? You see everything. Everything is there, right? I remember when my first son Mendel was born. So I was in the hospital was Friday night. He was born of Shabas bin Hashmashus which made it for a very interesting situation because you can't do a bris on Friday because it's the seventh day. You can't do a bris on Shabas because it may have been Friday. So you got to do the bris almost on day 10 Sunday but the midwife said it wasn't bay mash. It was already Friday night but the hospital said that it was bash mashes. They didn't use the word bash mush any it was leed and fray. So uh I remember he came into the world and I made kdesish for my wife afterwards. And then when I started to talk I said to you know I want to be so careful with the words I'm saying in this room because it's the first words this little baby is going to hear. I don't want they should be they should be anything but pure words. We see that child you just see perfection. You see them pregnant with all potential. But how many of us live up to that moment? That moment when everything is so pure and perfect, no distortion. Yeah. No, no negative influence. Not from a parent, not from a home, not from a community, not from a school, not willingly, not unwillingly. It's just like a gift. It's straight from heaven, right? It's still heavenly. You could see the soul. And you want to retain that. But unfortunately, many of us at the time we're five already. Our heart has been broken into a thousand pieces. By the time you're eight, your heart may have been broken into 3,000 pieces. By the time you're 22, some of us are just in a different place. Yeshua was a person that he lived out that moment of birth, that moment of that moment of birth when you're pregnant with all that potentiality, pre any distortion, pre any brokenness, pre any trauma, pre any toxicity. That's what he lived out. He saw himself that way and he actualized it. So he was saying something very, very powerful about him. When I look at a child, can I see that moment of that's the moment I want to see? I want to be able to go back to that moment of you know people often talk about their children or grandchildren or students. I get a lot of emails with very negative terms. My daughter became such a mother writes to me my daughter had the best midas in the house. The best midas and now she's 17 years old. She's obnoxious and rude and disgusting. She became narcissistic and self-centered. stop keeping Shabas and she's being very tough with her. So I wrote back to this mother. I said, "Listen, I don't know and I'm very sorry, but I just want to ask a question. You say that till she was 17, she had the most amazing midas in your house. You think suddenly at the age of 17, a soul of the Gestapo went into your daughter and your daughter said, "You know what? From today, I'm going to destroy my mother and father and brothers and sisters and the whole Mishbach. I'm just going to be destructive." Is it possible that this refined soul just suddenly became the most evil human being in your community? I highly doubt it. You're responding to your pain, which I understand, but maybe it's so important to respond to what is really going on, even though you may not know and she may not know. So she says, "How do you know you're right? Maybe you're wrong." I said, "Maybe." But let me tell you something. If you want to error in life, I know which side I want to error on. Remember if you error on the side of not blaming the child but understanding what happened to them even if you turns out that you made a mistake what happened you show them a little extra love when you shouldn't have okay but if you error on the other side when you blame them for things that they should not be blamed for and then you put them down and that's the side you're erroring on and then one day you figure out you will never forgive yourself for destroying that person. Maybe I'm wrong, but you want to know which side to her. It's always good to her on one side rather than another side. The worst came to worse is I underestimate how horrible you are, my daughter. You know what? I smile to you a little more. Okay, I'll go to Ghan for smiling. The other way is a little more dangerous. How did I get into this? Can I see the child from that moment of can I see the child? Then there's fearing sin. Very important. He doesn't say fierce punishment. He fears sin. Sometimes a person abstaining from negative things is because of the consequences the punishment. But then it's a much more superficial fear because basically the punishment is coming in the future. right now this tremendous enjoyment so who knows what outweighs what and I think let me enjoy now I can always make up later but if it's if what's bothering me is the separation itself taking a marriage a husband who doesn't do anything wrong why cuz he's afraid his wife is going to find out and there's going to be a punishment if he could make sure he she doesn't find out and even if she does maybe he can repair and even if she does but now it's so amazing he may fall. She may fall. But if you're a if what's bothering you is not the punishment, it's that the relationship is going to be ruined. It's too of a special relationship to ruin. I'm afraid of losing such a relationship. It's not about what's going to happen in a year, in two years, in 3 years, if somebody's going to find it, if I could fix it or not. That's the a different type. When we say, what does it mean? I'm afraid because of a punishment. No, the sin itself is what I'm afraid of. the relationship is too precious that I I don't want to disrupt it. But now let's see the last point and here we bring it together and we come to the last point and that is you see praises a sister that retains everything who is the everinccreasing spring because here you have the two personality types. One personality type is somebody who could retain and transmit. The other one is creativity. It's like the sun and the moon. The sun is consistent and stable. The moon is always, we call it lunatic, right? Lunacy, a lunar personality. It's always changing, waxing, and waning, disappearing, coming back. There's two types of personalities. Tradition, it's the ability to hold on to everything and not lose anything, not even a drop. abilities, creativity, innovation, newness, curiosity. He took the old and he transformed and he interpreted and he explained and he expounded and both are crucial in life and both are crucial in education. I want my child to be able to have solid, stable values that don't change, like a sister that's plastered, that holds on to all its truths, but yet we want people to grow and be creative. And in Judaism, too, you have the solid tradition that doesn't change with time. That's but then there's the kamayab the ability to be fresh the ability to be vibrant the ability to be able to soo see the newness and not just become stuck which often depletes somebody from inspiration. But now look when says go and see which mid to is the best mida they argue. Says to have a good eye. Yeshua says a good friend because he says a good neighbor says you see the future and says a good heart. What's the argument? So I want to share with you and this I want I think will be our last point. A teaching from the Baskar was one of the great masters of Dinov in Poland has a famous work ben depends how you pronounce it. And what's this argument? He says, "Go find what's and they're all arguing what it is." So the B says, "How do we understand the the nature of the argument?" And he gives a fascinating fascinating interpretation and I want to share I'm just going to share a few points briefly. It's a little bit of a deep idea, but just one one or two points I want to share with you. Bas Hashem. Take a look in the last paragraph of your source sheet, please. You should all know these right? You all know the in the beginning God created heaven and earth and the earth was chaotic and there was darkness and Hashem's spirit hovered above the water said let there be light and there was light. First creation lightem saw the light was good. And he separated between the light and the darkness. Hashem called light day and darkness. He called night. says the B Saskar. The Gammorra says that if you see in your dream the letter Tess, if you see in your dream the letter Tess, it's a good sign. Sim. Why? Why? Because what's the first letter in Tyra that begins with a Tess. Good. So the first letter in with a test, there's other letters with a test. But the first one with a test is so if you see a test in the dream, it's good. What do you see from me? Says the Basar that every word the first time it's mentioned in the Tyra that ultimately has the most powerful significance when it comes to this word. Just like test there's other tests but if the first time the uses a test is it means somehow test is good. So this means that the first word the uses about anything the first time you have the ultimate core because that's like the beginning. So says when I said go find me the best they said. You want to know what good is? Look at the first time it says to in the first time it says good in the that's the first goodness. If that's the first goodness it's the primary goodness. It's like the mother of all goodness. It's going to say many other times but the first time it says that's like the mother of all goodness. That's like the beginning the genesis. So if we want to find out what's the direct to let's look at the first to and see what it's about. So he says this is now all the opinions revolve around this. What's the first in the God saw that light was good. What's the function of light? Light allows us to see. Light gives us perspective. If there's no light, everything could be in the room, but I can't see. Eyes need light to be able to see. Ears, nose. I could smell in darkness. I can hear in darkness. Sometimes even better, I could think in darkness. I can move my hands and my feet. But to see I need light. So rebel says the first light is seeing. So he says what's the best thing to a good eye. It's how you see things. What do you see in people? What are you seeing yourself? There's people who forget. There's people who lift up to a good eye. In in in paras there's an expression the leprosy did not transform its look. Literally means its look. In other words, it still maintains the same disisconfiguration. But the says means the one who is a leper didn't change his eye his way. the way I look instead of an we spoke about bringing out the goodness in people. What's the opposite of that versus what does lash do? What's lash do? Why why why is a so so opposed to it? It's not just a decree that is just a decree you have to do it and just put a zipper on your mouth. It's a way of living. There's people when they talk about people they bring out the best in the people. There's people when they talk about people, they just know how to bring out the worst. It's what the mirror I'm holding up to. They hold up a mirror, you look at it and say, "Wow, I'm beautiful." Or do I make sure to always hold up a mirror and say, "Wow, I'm so disgusting and ugly. Which person am I going to be in this world?" And it's how I use my words constantly. How I talk about myself, I talk about people I know. I talk about people I don't know. doesn't mean if I have to correct a situation or save people from a very dangerous situation. It's not that may be the best thing to do when you have a danger in a community etc. But means when I become that type of person where's my juice where's my I'm busy bringing out always the worst in people and in myself and in my loved ones is the exact opposite. Surely says what's the best me I in to I do want to make mention of a very special friend who passed away on Friday of mnitzler mnitsler was a embodiment of this when he came into a room his eyes and his soul sensed immediately who's in pain and he knew how to go over to them give them a hug and lift them up even whenever he met me always shower me with compliments Why? He just felt such an urge and yearning to inspire, to empower, to uplift people. You see somebody bring out the best in them. That's the type of person he was. He did it with his songs. He did it with his humor. He did it with his conversation. Most importantly, he did it with his heart. People make a mistake. They think lash or lash is just laws. It doesn't begin with laws. It begins with who you are inside. The hala flows from the inside. It's not the other way around. It's not like I hate your guts, but lush and hor you're a sick person. Drop lush and hor. It's still good not to speak whatever. But it's about cultivating the personality. That's the that's that's at least equally important and significant. So says what's the inva that the light should be good. Light is good. When you see light in a person, in a situation, that's what I inv says, listen to this fascinating ver. He says as follows. Take a look at the P before. The earth was engulfed in darkness. Let there be light. So who became the friend for the darkness? The light. The earth was engulfed in darkness. And God said, "It's not fair. The darkness needs a friend. Hello darkness, my old friend. Hello light, my old friend." I just thought of that. The darkness needs a friend. He says it. That's where they got it from. Those two Jewish boys, Shim and Garfinkl. They got it from the Oh my god. Okay. He literally says he says God said darkness needs a darkness needs a [Applause] friend. Darkness needs a friend. What a be. So, so, so the second opinion, who's the second person of Yeshua says, you know what you need? You need a good friend. You know why? Cuz we have darkness. And what does it mean to have a good friend? somebody with whom I can share my darkness. That's the definition of a friend. And they can then embrace me with my darkness. If it's a good friend whom I can only say the nice things about myself, that's not a friend. Yehuda. Very good. Very good. The only friend in is in par of Yehuda has a friend. The only friend all other relationships in kumish are familial or master slave king subject brothers of course parents children grand the only and what's what what what do we see there what happens yhuda does something and he doesn't want anybody to know and who does he share it with his friend because a relationship is always about sharing my vulnerable parts saying hey I'm the best galok I did this I did this I don't need a friend I could tell that to anybody in show a Good friend is somebody that my darkness finds a friend in this person. So that's that's what he says. Of course the light is good. You know why the light is good? Because it's a friend. It has a [Music] friend. The light has a friend and therefore the darkness has a friend and they befriend each other. Then you have the third opinion. The third opinion he says a good neighbor. What's the idea of a good neighbor? He says, take a look. It says, "God saw that the light was good." And what did he do? He created a boundary. Who said good fences, good neighbors make? Robert Frost also, they're all learning. Good neighbors. It was just a joke. Good neighbors, good neighbors, good fences, good neighbors make. What's the power of a good neighbor? boundaries. Not boundaries that you're in New Zealand that I'm here then we're not neighbors but it's even in a relationship in a marriage there's respect for boundaries I'm not going to choke you with my love there's boundaries ava good neighbor so he says that's what hashem does with the good he sees it's good and he creates a boundary with the darkness so they become that's so says says he who has vision has foresight. So you right away see again he uses the wordya sees doesn't understand but sees everybody could understand the future but to see it like it's vivid is a whole different experience we all know that everybody understands when I eat three pieces of cheesecake at the bris we all know what's going to happen but I don't see it all I see is cheesecake that's the problem right if I could see the future I would look even better than I look can you imagine I'm working on it. I'm working on it. After PES, after PES, where I was pes was a dangerous place. Used to be PES, you lost 10 pounds. And today where I go PES, it's bad news. Hello. Cuz they serve during my speeches. When do you think they serve food? Most people want to get their buddies. Okay, it's just a little humor. Let's let's finish here. So he says it's right here. It says so Rashi says Hashem saw that the original light was the light you could see from one end of the world till the other end of the world but Hashem saw that light will be abused. So he hid it away for the future. So you see he saw the future and that's why he hid it away. That's the opinion of and then the last one says a good heart where is that so he says now you have to do counting with me let's go to the first word beraceious and let's count how many words are there from berious till let's go beratious is one one bar is two elikim is 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 26 27 28 29 30 31 and what's the next? So there's 32 words from etc. That's le 32 le and the next word is said you're all giving me pulp pull but read how it works all the words are leading up to what's good a good heart that's the definition of good soak heard that he says he includes everything else you say because you all focused on just that word and you asked what is but he showed you that everything till that point is all leading up to that. So it's true you all learned your Torah from Tyra and they're all amazingly powerful good things that are mothers of other good things but the of includes oh why because he does he includes all the words from the beginning of till so therefore he includes all the ty that you said because he includes all the words up to ty says the Basar now we'll understand the secret of which is the 18th day of year because he says essentially I'm sorry the 18th day of nobra is the 18th day of which is the 33rd day of the right so he says we know that the spir days are 49 days the gamatri of 49 9 is le to lammed bay is 32 is 17 9 and 6 and 2 that's 17 how much is 32 and 17 so 42 and 7 is 49 so really the focus of the 49 days of spir is the cultivation of le the good heart 32 + 17 together that's 49 that's why say is called and it says that hid it says in Hashem hid the light in also has what's called inma the 32 pathways of so to really understand Hashem says you need a you need a good heart says there's 13 ways of interpreting including so only when you have your own in yourself then you could really expound when somebody learns but they don't have this they don't have this sense of attachment of connection so then it's just information so I could learn I can discipline I could scream I could be zealous I can be afraid I can instill fear in others but the core of connection is missing the leav is missing the The preparation is is 49 which is le and if I don't have the heart or even if I have a heart but it's not a good heart it's a harsh stone-like heart you can't have that matra you can't have this zak inspiring students like this it's just not going to happen it's going to be a different type of relationship yeah you may be following all the rules and all the policies but you don't have the the lifting up of a child the lifting up of a student that comes from a heart feeling a heart that's a preparation and sometimes I can't teach that through words somebody doesn't feel it if they don't see it in somebody's eyes and somebody's heart it's it's very very difficult I guess we could learn it but it's hard to learn especially when my comfort zone and my manuals tell me to go the other way so the le is the preparation for says the saskar so After 32 days of the you're finished with now you start with so is the first day of after you got till the word key is 32 so that's the first 32 days of is till till the that's b and now is giml now starts the the revelation of the the revelation of the light the the inner Good. Once I cultivate that heart now where I look, I see light. I see it in people. I see it in myself. I see it in children. I see it in students. Even if the light is g it's concealed and he concealed it. But I start identifying it and revealing it. So that starts who is the one who revealed safer. The word zy means light. Zy means radiance light. He revealed the light of inra itself you have the nigla of the revealed part of which are the laws the structures which is the goof the structure of like the skeleton and then you have the is the light of the soul of the core of that's what started to reveal with that's why it's the day that Jews build fires maduro they make fires which are light sources of light how do you celebrate the beginning of the day of It's through light, through identifying the light in yourself and in every person you come in contact with. Have a wonderful week. Next week, right? Next week we're on Two of us married.