How to Deal with a Child who Doesn't Want to Go to School - Rabbi Benzion Klatzko

what if your preteen child is not interested in learning or going to school learning at school or going to school they're just not interested what can you do to encourage them bye-bye class go okay so kids normal kids don't love a school so don't be don't be surprised the truth is if a kid comes to a parent and really doesn't like school as a parent it's our job to find out what's going on because very often there could be things going on that we're not aware of your child may be bullied and your child could even be bullied by a teacher teachers could also be bullies and they could be picked on and the child could be made fun of because let's say your child doesn't take as many baths or showers and the kids are making fun of your child because he smells or there are reasons why or it could be date you assume the child's done their homework but they haven't day after day and the teacher is giving them grief so the child doesn't want to go to school or the child doesn't know the material and there's a test and the child feels silly and stupid so in general if a child is a well-adjusted child and suddenly they don't want to they don't want to go to school you should really do the research and and you should call the school and speak to the teacher and sit down with the child and really find out especially for example some children are sick very often do you know they're like always sick they always have a headache their throat is always hurting and you know we're living in a very different age now I it used to be and this is when I was growing up school was a little bit of a very was a little bit of a rough place for a child they were still smacking into school there was still harsh discipline things changed 20-25 years ago and they they keep getting upgraded and there's much more awareness than there ever was about how fragile a child's psyche could be and how we have to be into positive reinforcement in school today could really be a place that a child enjoys and that's a new thing that has not always been like that it used to be the child could tolerate it and feel good if they did well on tests but they couldn't enjoy school today if you have been careful to send your child to a good Jewish school that has rabbim and teachers and moroz who are well trained I have found that in general my children when they're doing well they actually like school they like their teachers they like them or as they like the schools so a child suddenly doesn't like school it is more unusual than it used to be where children obviously didn't like it because the discipline was very harsh and teachers weren't that into the newer methods of understanding what children need in the positive reinforcement and the the picking up so that that's just one one point there are children who are just not academically inclined so you have to make up your mind at a certain point what do you want out of your kid do you if you insist that a kid who's not so academically inclined get A's and hundreds then the kids gonna be scared of you they're gonna be scared to tell you the truth that they're not so good at math and they're not so good in science and it's gonna be difficult so the hints that I got from my parents was the most important thing is effort and conduct show that you have good conduct showing of derech Eretz show that you are nice you're not you don't speak back you don't have foot spa show that you're a nice kid you're trying your best my wife and I we don't look at the kids grades the kids come to us when they have good it's a burka I'm very often they do and if there's a major problem we'll do something about it but we understand that our children are built differently and ultimately ultimately most of this does not matter by the time they're grown-ups my daughter just said to me we're starting geometry she said Tati how many times did you use geometry in your career I said a grand total of zero I said if you were if schools were smart they would drop geometry and I would teach graphic design on a computer and then then you have kids who can make a living instead of teaching things that they did so many years ago but today they're still doing it and kids just some kids are not academically inclined so the most important thing I don't hate to sound so new-age is that your child should be happy I should have a good self-esteem understand what your principles are and don't worry about the grades worry that your child is adjusting emotionally in a healthy way and on their own they're gonna want to try their best and they'll get the good whatever grades they're able to achieve and they'll want to go to school but if you if you sit on top of them with the grades of the homework and you punish them then they're not gonna want to go to school especially if they're having problems academically and again check out what the social situation is in their school if it's our responsibility as parents to find out if our kids are being bullied and we have to we have to do something about it we don't let it go because that's our pan that's our job we're mama bear we're papa bear we have to stand up for our kids and and we have to get to the bottom of why a kid doesn't want to go to school very well said I especially like the way you said that you care about the effort not the results that is so amazing what a positive way to parent [Music] [Applause]