How Can You Get Your Spouse to Change a Destructive Behavior? - Rabbi Benzion Klatzko

what do you do or say to get your spouse to change a destructive behavior when people have a destructive tendencies and habits and addictions it's a very very very scary thing it's very scary to see that your husband is addicted to porn or that your spouse has begun to binge eat or drink Friday night Saturday night Sunday or they're popping pills for stress and anxiety and sleep and you you see things are going downhill it's such a scary thing because you've cast your lot in life with this person and this person is changing before your eyes so exactly what rabbi Ruttenberg said it was what I was going to mention as well you must get professional help and I'll take it one step further it's true that the person has to want to change but when it comes to very destructive habits you are allowed to facilitate so for example if there is a spouse who is really gone off the off the deep end when it comes to eating or overeating and their relationship with food has become unhealthy which we know can lead to death just like smoking can it's not a novel to invited to invite a a health coach or nutritionist to come to the house to speak or to make an appointment or to take that step and in a sweet way not an a not an accusatory way but in a sweet way say oh you know what there was this person I thought it would be important and you may get resistance but if you take those steps because very often there's a mind block of like okay I have this issue but what do I do I'm trapped so if you do the legwork and you find out who there I personally to speak to who to make an appointment and you even make the appointment it takes away that step and then just a manner the person you know being a little bit humble and going with you and you and and you tell your spouse you know this means a lot to me it's it's really affecting me and I know how much you love me so I know that this is either I know that if you would know how important this is to me you would come to this meeting with me and you have to be really cold-hearted to respond to that with no I'm still not going right if they love you they're gonna go so that that would be my my my solution and I also will end off with with just a a bracha thought if I were to ask you who is the best husband in the room raise your hand there we go you're the investor right if you didn't raise your hand you should look at the mirror tonight and say why didn't I raise man why couldn't I someone's got to be the best why if someone's gotta be the best he may as well be you if someone's gotta be an awesome husband if someone's gotta be the best wife why aren't you the best wife and I'll tell you why mamela says Kim I and punim upon him came Lavar them like a face sees its reflection on the water so is the heart of man you want the best wife be the best husband and the opposite is true you want to be married to the best husband be the best wife in every way I don't mean not just a nag Mattamy that there I just mean be there for them find out their love language if you haven't read that book find the five love languages find out what means a lot to them and make it your mission to be the best wife and the best husband and you know what the you know the reward is you know the prizes you're gonna end up being married to the best husband or the best life because that's how it works and you'll see the person that you're married they change because you changed so that's my brother to you next time I come Basanta shem if I'm invited back and I say who's the best husband I want all your hands to shoot up like obviously me I mean like right it was the best wife asked my husband she'll tell you he'll tell you Thank You chef Oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause]