How Can a Husband Gain Respect without being a Dictator? - Rabbi Refael Ribacoff

rabbi Ribicoff how would you deal with this question if the husband says how am I supposed to get some respect if there's no fear I think a lot of the words of the Rambam are are interrelated it's very interesting how the guys always pick up on the fact that I need to be treated as a king and they want to make sure that they get treated as a king I think the main thing that the rabbi was bringing down is that the men should concentrate what their responsibilities are towards the wives and the why and when we should be concentrating on the responsibility towards the husband and not always double-checking are you doing what you're supposed to be doing and make sure everything is okay that way there was a story of a rabbi who taught tottenham he taught the guys before they got married and he came across teaching the latinum that this Rambam as well I went to me had one of the buckram was a younger light and after couple months he decided to visit the cut time to see how he's doing in his house and living a cold life you're not living in the lap of luxury it's simple but they're getting along and he comes to the guy's house and he sees you know it's got the basic furniture but at the head of the table there's this ornate chair fit for a king and he asked the guy myself well what is this and he says rabbi you taught us that the wife has to treat her husband like a star like a metalic like like a king so I made sure we bought a king's chair so that whenever I sit on it my wife will remember that I'm the king it's just to give me the respect the rabbi was a little bit taken aback and he explained to the Talmud to a student that's not what it means about the example from from bollock at the time when benissa were coming and that they got scared what's gonna happen with them and started to do something and afterwards it says the book was the king of Moab at the time and the Rabi that's the question it doesn't matter that he was a king beforehand he just saw what was going on he decided to do something at the people all riled up and then they crowned him as the king and that's how he became any word the title being a king at the time he explained that it's not automatic that you become a king because he's sitting on the chair that doesn't make you a king there's a difference between a king and a dictator a king is one who cares about his subjects he cares about his countrymen he cares about everything in the household if you're the king your wife is the queen that children are the princes and princesses and the other ones you need to make sure you're taken care of a zoo mashhad I'm a hobbit at the Marriot you want to get evolved you want to get respect you want people to teach you give you respect you have to give them respect first it doesn't come automatically and you can't demand it from them if you act and behave properly as the king is supposed to act and behave you're gonna get the respect from your queen from your wife and from the children from your subjects that you have in your country if you can act like a dictator and rule with an iron fist they're gonna hate you and your kingdom is not gonna last for a long time just to get back we mentioned before I think I brought to mention that the word kavod comes to work evade being heavy I want to touch it up a little differently the word kavod is the same Camacho as the word lave 32 why because respect comes from the heart an example that's given obscure master Paul he brings down a beautiful bit of example form from the fun Magilla what it is to treat each other as a king in a queen it brings down the story when Esther was it was fasting and she wanted to come to greet the king of eros this is the last chance how can I go on now I wasn't cold what's gonna be take the chance what if that says this is why you became the queen and when she came in to see Akash verse it says that a rose gave her out he gave he pointed to her the scepter that he had in his hand and it says that as the chemist she touched the tip of the of a scepter so she was a bully I asked the question why does it have to mention the extra words that he gave he stretched out the scepter that was in his hand what was it they would have to be in his hand how do you stretch it out to her and why don't have to mention that he acts that she actually touched the tip of the scepter so explains that a flesh wound is so Esther he was so enthralled by her beauty she has such a fame and he loved us so much she said it's not appropriate for me as the key to stretch out to my queen the scepter that I give to everybody else to touch instead he turned her over and he stretched out to her the part that he holds in his own hand to give to the Queen because you're my queen you deserve to touch the part that I touch not everybody else touches and as I was so taken aback by that show of respect and love for her and she said this is the king how can I touch the place that the king holds in his hand and she actually went and touched the tip of the scepter like everybody else does as an example of areas of goid as a non-jew and an ester as the Jew but the respect and that we see from the each other that they gave as the king and the Queen to show the respect for each other this has come the cavort comes from the left from the heart and if a person's the couple is willing to do that to treat each other with that type of respect hopefully they have wonderful shot on bias between themselves oh man sans really want to hear we got to earn the respect [Music] [Applause]