Grace After Meals - Part 4 - Rabbi Reuven Lauffer

yesterday we spoke about men women are obligated in recycling their thermals and reciting grace after meals what about children so children under the age of Byron battement obviously the middle of a child becomes barrel bat mitzvah then he's not a child anymore with regards to larnaca lee is considered to be an adult and but children under Bar and Bat Mitzvah are obligated to bench right and that's from the rabbis and to din of what's called a Kanaka din of training them to do the mitzvahs education and it's important actually that they be taught how to bench it's interesting another to that there's a there's a custom amongst most boys that before before they reach their Bar Mitzvah but maybe like a month before they reach the bomb it so they start putting on the tefillin and the reason for that is also to get themselves ready to get themselves used to it and then once and then once they become completely obligated then at that point there you know that they're used to putting them on and they feel a little less uncomfortable because we're going to fill in at the beginning is definitely a little bit difficult okay what about what about smaller children than that so children that have reach the age of Kindles of Education so we're talking about you know six seven eight and what about less than that so smaller children for sure you can teach them to recite some of their customers and so sometimes they look they'll just recite the first the first paragraph the first brocker over there and that way they'll learn the whole thing interesting enough with regards to teaching children it's permitted to use the name of God even though the normal circumcised or not benching for example so we're you know check your child had lunch and he had a sandwich and you want to teach you how to bench so it's permissible for you to use the name of God whilst teaching them how to bench because that's part of the educational process the same way that it's miscible to teach them how to make brokers hate so for example somebody who's teaching in a kindergarten I don't know if they recite Broca's in kindergarten but whatever age it is that they start you know a person who's already dove and in the morning they've already prayed and they come in and then they pray together with the kids so they're going to have to repeat the brothers over again that's okay right because it's all been done for educational reasons it is true that some poise can some authorities are of the opinion that children should be taught a slightly abridged version of because Amazon but in general most of the authorities say that it's okay to teach children at a bench even if they're not going to do the whole thing how are we supposed to regards been cheering right what's our what's our relationship with Ben she's supposed to be so according to that lock it's interesting we're supposed to regard been ching as if we're Davenham their leader as it would have any lachemann i say which means we're not allowed to make any breaks in between you should not a lot of talk not allowed to making interruptions you should avoid stopping at any point during been Qing unless you're waiting for the person who's leading the benching to say the bracha so that you can answer our name they've put aside from that you should avoid making any kind of breaks in between and again it's a problem if you if you do it's a problem and shale about whether somebody has to go back but he ever he is fulfilled his obligation if he doesn't go back and he just recite the whole thing from way left off but it's something to be very careful about another thing you should know when you're coming to bench is that you should not have anything in your hands like so except for a bencher right which means you shouldn't play around with with you know sometimes it's like cutlery left on the table silverware left on the table bits and pieces right you shouldn't be doing any of that and you shouldn't be messing around with somebody who's sitting opposite you with somebody who's next to you there's a concept in that loss of called headstock a dot o SI cadd ass s like a dance is that you're supposed to have your mind on what's going on the whole time and this is particularly particularly applicable with things like when you wash your hands for her mighty and now you're waiting for somebody to make a mighty so over there you're not supposed to be having you know a silent conversation with a person opposite you you're not supposed to be pulling faces you're not supposed to be making people laugh you should just be waiting for the bracha to be recited the same is true during Biff's amazon of course it doesn't need to be said you in the middle of doing something which is holy and you're supposed to be taking it seriously so so serious is because Amazon that according to some authorities you shouldn't even answer to other things that are being recited at the same time so let's say for example a person's eating lunch and just it just so happens at where they're eating lunch somebody organizes a minyan familiar and now they're doubling lilica and they recite the kedusha or they recite Kaddish according to some opinions if you're in the middle of benching in the middle of Beckett amazon then you should not recite what everyone else is saying she's carry on with your own recitation that's how important it is other other opinions are not like that but nevertheless the very fact that there is an opinion like that indicates just sounds seriously we're supposed to take because some wasn't okay what do you do if you stopped benching because you have to go to the bathroom that's a different that's a different kind of an interruption of you which means it's an interruption which your person's gone to a place with scholastically unclean the bathroom is considering an unclean place and therefore the broker needs to be repeated according to most of the authorities of bracha needs to be repeated okay here's an interesting idea very radical I'm not sure how seriously you should take this but because I'm also should be recited with qivana right the person should have intent they should be serious about it you should concentrate your words should be said slowly and clearly it's best to read through it perhaps once or twice and English to understand what it is you're saying to have a better qivana and it's interesting that it's also according to most i'd most authorities it's better to recite birkat hamazon from a cedar of adventure from some kind of a something that you're really rather than to rather than to recite it off by heart the cata mazon is a Segalla it's a I don't know like a good omen for wealth which means that when a person with sights bake at amazon the way that they're supposed to hopefully it's going to help that person to receive some kind of wealth to be successful in his material life and if that's the case it's really something that we should take pretty seriously you know people run around all over the place trying to get to go Lord to get Brock off from all kinds of people and from all kinds of places when really all they have to do is just recite verses a Muslim carefully with qivana slowly enunciated each word the way that you're supposed to and hopefully that's going to help here is an interesting I locker over here it's it's not the way that the Mishnah borough rules but other post Kim certainly do shocked America Rav the Oracle children they rule but if a person benches without qivana without intent without concentration then even buddy evered it's not good they're venting is no good and they've got to go back and they've got the bench again and now again we don't Paskin like that we follow the ruling the mr Boyle doesn't rule like that but the very fact that you've got authorities who are saying these things is an indication that we really need to have to take them carefully now it yet understand it is conceivable length has got nothing to do with kevanna the amount of time you spend doing something right so for example you can have somebody who spends you know 20 minutes praying the Amidah but he may not his mind might be you know drifting off all over the place I remember one of the one of the funniest skits that ever took place over here on Purim in the yeshiva was they had this guy came it's in the olden days yeah I think you know what was called a boom box in those days a great big recorder he's stuck in on the table and he presses the tape and it's a it's a what you're hearing is a monologue of what he's thinking was he's praying right so you hear the first thing you hear is that you know bowels down really loud banked his head on the table and the first thing you hear is ouch right and then four then I was like I'd like 10 minute monologue about what's going on and he looks and sees a person the person next to him is hasn't reached where he dreams that I better slow down because I'm from her than he is and it's like you know the whole thing is like and it was really really really clever actually and at the end you know takes us three steps backwards and you know one two three left right you know I says I feel great he says now the only I could learn how to say the words so you know it's like length of time has got nothing to do with how much come on you've got very often for a lot of people the more time you spend on something the greater is your chance that your mind is just going to wander off into who knows which direction however carvanha concentration is that you you understand and you know what it is that you're saying and that's something which everybody has to do they say in the in the mirror you she was near the late regime in the mirror of hi Schmo Levitz so they say that the you know mostly Shiva's the yeshiva waits for the Russia Shiva to finish before they begin the recitation of the the repetition of the Amidah in the mirror the Russia Shiva waited for everybody else he dabbled very quickly and when it asked him why that was he explained that his mind was so consumed with his learning that if he spent more time than he did daven Inge his mind would drift back onto the page of Gomorrah that he was learning and that wasn't good and he said he preferred to daven with more you know with proper concentration for more concentrated amount of time than to allow that to happen so some new sits down and so I just got a bench quickly wait a minute and then start to know mumbling something quick as can be there is a chance that he's doing it okay there really is chances are not though I'd through the real chance is that he's he's just gambling things off he hasn't got a clue what he's saying and he's not saying his words correct he's not saying them properly and again it's a prat here we sit it's a problem if you don't know the whole thing so you should recite whatever you do know if you've got something in front of you with English in it for example so you could recite some of it in Hebrew and some of it English it's permissible to recite the whole of because amazon in English if somebody's not you know not up not up to saying it in Hebrew right the vision of Brewer does say not in regards to Ben Chi but with regards to dabbling in general that Josh and I kodesh the language that the prayers are written in Hebrew lush and I kodesh Biblical Hebrew language that the present min is something which has got an incredible innate holiness to it and if somebody is able to speak Hebrew that if they able to read Hebrew even if they don't understand very well what they're saying they should still pray in Hebrew rather than in the language that they're familiar with what I would suggest is like this I I think the people who are ready to start praying in Hebrew they're ready to start practicing and praying in Hebrew I think it's a very good idea to pray you know practice a little bit start praying in Hebrew and take off maybe a few minutes each day not not more than that just a few minutes each day to look into what it is that you're saying so you'll be able to pick up the intent as well as you're saying it you know i'm a big fan for example the artscroll sitter I think it's very very well formatted right so when you come to dabney our media for example it tells you exactly what the paragraph is all about before you begin it so you know you're at least you're aware of what it is that you're praying for even if you're not completely aware of every single word what that might need what that might mean but the concept of what you're praying for is there I think that's it's kind of important another thing that's a good idea Ganesha bruce says that you should a person should recite benching out loud be a catalyst on like gross after meals you should recite it out loud because that brings better qivana that it makes a person concentrate better and when you say something out loud you're thinking more about what you're saying then if you just say it you know without without actually saying the words it's also good if you stayed out like that mr. Burroughs said that way you hopefully you won't miss out bits and pieces or other people are listening so they'll remind you for example we just went through a high dash right so sometimes people may forget to say ya lo vio vio you somebody hears you benching and they hear that you're about to miss it out so they'll tell you you know Yalo yo and you'll go back and you'll recite y all of you over the way that you're supposed to place that you're supposed to the same is true for shabbos same is true for yomtov right all of these things so it's a good idea to recite out loud he's interesting I locker over here that you should sit when you bench down lockers like this interestingly enough you should sit when you bench even if you ate standing up and now that's a big kiddush over here because normally you know what I understand if you sat down when you ate so I understand why you should sit down when you bench right that makes sense right and that if you were walking around you stood you stood up whilst you were eating and and now when you come to bench you need to sit down why is that because the answer is very simple that walking around and benching with kevanna with intent don't go together with each other they just don't which means you've gotta sit downs a lot easier to concentrate on something when you're sitting down than it is when you're wandering around yeah preferably you should sit down where you ate a best you should sit down where you can see where you ate so let's say for example I don't know let's say you went to a you went to a wedding right and you washed and you SAT and you know you sent down and you ate and then you got up to dance and by the time you come back somebody's taking that whole tables now you know being taken by other people so the best thing to do is to sit sit in a place where you can see where you ate right and then bench over there rather than if you can't you meet you know we're gonna yank the gang out of anywhere you're not gonna eat the schnitzel after he started eating what you left behind so right that's a good thing to do what are you doing if you're traveling so it's an interesting thing we're traveling because when you travel you are not in the same place you were when you started hopefully unless your initial on the m1 right and then the chances are you probably have moved anywhere alright one of the highways in London win in England where you know it's just always it's always packed backed up you get on a train right and you're going from one place to another place you get on the bus and you're going from one place to another place so your place is considered to be where you're sitting walking Oh interesting problem so what do you do when you're walking you've now moved further away and you can't see where you were so you should just sit down where you were but you sit down where you get to and bench over there even so you can't see where it was that you originally started making your eating your meal from right your sandwich whatever it was light light plug means that we don't make exceptions you know divisions right no divisions right so you've got a how locker that was very good actually well done you've got a you've got we got you know the locker isn't you're supposed to bench sitting down because the majority of people cannot have Kabana when the walking around its not good for them right I what about me me if I walk around then I do have kevanna that locker is that you're supposed to follow the majority night so person should sit down and a person should bench over there even though he's moved further along because he's been walking sitting in a sitting in some kind of a vehicle is a lot less complicated because what you're sitting is considered to be the place that you're eating even though that place is no longer where it was nights again you get on the train at one place and a couple of hours later you're getting off somewhere else but in the meantime you can bench on the way because you're sitting in the same place as you were as you ate if a person did walk around whilst they were benching so buddy evide fill their obligation now we need to understand that the left happy nobody ever over here huh bit birdie evered right which is a very good these are two very important concepts inside of Halawa look at Tila means that you've done something in the best possible way right so for example a locker says that you need to sit down when you bench so I sit down and I bench and I say it out loud and I say it from a sinner and I've done right I've done everything that I was supposed to do but the evidence that i benched standing up i bench walking around is my been Qing ok now so in a certain way it's not always applicable but in a certain way but he ever is like de facto after having done it is it ok to do it which means you go to the rabbi you Satan can I walk around when I been sure he'll say no go to the rabbi and say I walked around whilst I was benching what now and he'll tell you that but he ever did you fulfilled your obligation right you don't have to go back and bench again I don't know I don't know if it's a minimum I guess so in a certain way it's a minimum hello and it but it's it's fulfilling the MIT sir not in the best possible way but you're fulfilling it you yeah you know what you've done you've done the minimum requirement in order to get through what needs to be done just one one last thing over here about walking around which is very interesting actually I think anywhere luckily if you're if you need to walk because if you sit down to bench you're going to be late for something so let's say you've got a a meeting that you've got to get to or somewhere somewhere that you've got to be gotta catch a train whatever it is right if by sitting down and benching it's going to cause you to be late so then even look at Tila it's okay the bench whilst you're on the move but whilst you're walking again allafrica argument so it's very novel it's a very novel idea if either person as that you've got to be somewhere and if you sit down and bench it's going to cause you to be late so even look at feel it it's okay for you to bench whilst you're moving whilst you're walking right so what do we love without before that really you have to sit down and you have to bench right okay here good if you've got a meeting with somebody at 3pm a friend that it really doesn't make very much difference if you turn up at 310 then fine for short sit down a Venge if you're going to miss your train or your plane or minta right then no keep walking and bench whilst you're walking in order to be able to get to where you need to get to you've got a an important business meeting you've got an important interview to get a job right if you sit down and you can't come to these things late even though they'll keep you waiting over there right you can't you can't turn up like a thing over here is like this that with inside of a locker we have to have definitive times and figures in order to be able to do things properly right so the person needs to know how long has he got with inside of to be able to bench the original obligation for benching was the first three bruh hot are minute or are they come back that's at obligation to recite them and the after that anyone could say whatever you can say whatever you want to which means that look you know if it was up to me which for some reason is not be cameras on would be an awful lot shorter than it is today that's for sure alright so you know what is the function of big cat I mazon so most people say the function would be Karama's on of course is to say thank you for what you mean right so it was up to me would just be you know thanks very much that was great i'll see you next time but for some reason if you take a look if you've got any idea what it is that you're saying over there that doesn't seem to be very much connection after the first blessing the first blessing takes care of everything as an athlon colobus what became the festival akkulam God gave us you know we ate it's good right but after that we start talking about bris milah we start talking about the Land of Israel we start talking about the Davidic dynasty we start talking about rebuilding you shall I'm and then all you do is have a lousy sandwich right and the next thing you know you like sitting down over here and it's taking you longer to bench than it did to eat the thing to begin with which we like this I book the first three brothers aren't Minotauro the last broccoli which is editing by Ezra sofa which is its instruction of the base of me life talking about the destruction of the temple and that's talking that that was added in later on after the destruction as you're adding it in at over motive and it needs to recited right until the base of it is going to be revealed in its a shame as soon as the base middle be rebuilt we won't have to recite that particular brother over there over there you shall I miracle if Romero and they know right we won't have to say that the rest of Ben Ching now I don't know exactly at which point it was added in but all of the bits after are you house train'll talking about all the haraka man's that come after that now I don't know I really don't know historically at what moment all of these things were put in obviously at some point off after the guy named what are we going back I don't know that perhaps were going back it's hard to say maybe 1,500 years maybe to get in to get into the period of when it was first started to be recited what is interesting is that they were it was accepted by everybody which means that as far as I know all of the different nuh Scott all of the different various ways of venturing according to different communities all include the bits that were added in afterwards what what is interesting just allow lucky practical halacha 10 mention is that the all of that rock amongst which are recited requests right so according to the according to the Vilna gone you shouldn't recite them on Shabbat we don't we don't ask we don't we don't ask for personal requests on shabbat shabbat is a day that's dedicated to our chemin we give in to our share but not the other way around and that's why you may find that many people not many people but you may find there are people that you go to for shabbat where they finish benching after the last prophet of allie foster anal you