Feeling the Pain - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

a couple came to me last week in my office and the wife turned to me and said that her husband doesn't really understand her and the husband was upset and he goes I really really love my wife but in truth she didn't feel she was understood and therefore she didn't feel like she was loved I want to tell you a story heard years ago about two Russian alcoholics Boris and Stefan one day while drunk Boris turns of Stefan and said Stefan I really love you Stefan turned to bought the Boris and said you don't really love me you love yourself if you really loved me you would know what's really hurting me inside what do we learn from all this we learned that to love somebody means first you have to really understand think about it what's hurting your spouse what's bothering them what's giving them stress as you can connect with them about that we begin to love them more effectively there's a wonderful story about a great sadak cobra of ari levine who was many years ago inertia lying in the book called pathetic in her time it tells us a story but Robert Levine's wife went pain with her leg for many years and one day rapidly being his wife went to a doctor together they walked into the office rabba Levine knock on the door and walked in with his wife the doctor said tell me what's the problem and badly Levine turns of the doctrine said our leg is hurting what an incredible story rapidly being really really loved his life and how do we know because he understood that her pain was his pain my advice to anyone wanting to improve their marriage as follows learn what's bothering your spouse learn what is giving them pain or difficulty in life when you talk to him about it when he willing to spend time listening to hear what their pain is all about then they're really going to feel loved by you welcome to this new series and he's a brute called marriage matters my name is rabbi daniel shoma and on the license and family therapist based in New York and around the world the effect on this important series i will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during a family relationship but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on the seashell