Developing a Relationship with your Family & with G-d - Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein

[Music] I do talk about cynic a lot I've been already for 38 years even though I don't look like I'm that old so last week's PowerShell I'm going to last week's partial talks about a boy that's very often Arif now everybody thinks that this is something new that we have children that are often there F it's not something new at all the Torah talks about a boy that's called a Ben so rare amaura so boy that's 12 and a half then so Remora is between 12 and a half and thirteen years old not 1617 only if he does this between 12 and a half and thirteen years old what does he do says Rashi he eats a lot of meat he drinks a lot of wine he steals and he doesn't listen to his parents he's called the Ben sorrow mara his parents have to take him they stone him it's a terrible story could you imagine parents taking their child the first stones that have thrown at him about the parents and then the people of his town and it's a very hard thing to understand but the gomorrah says it never happened so if it never happens and today we can't even if it would happen we don't have a best in to bring a child so someone to me so 71 so there why would the torah tell us something that never happened we know that everything in the torah could happen but if this never happened and now it can't happen till Messiah comes so it's a story about something that you might as well talk about the Martians landing on earth it's a story about something that can't happen so there's a very deep reason that the Torah talks about something that never happened I've been so Amira and it says the following key Ellis Ben Cyril Moira when it would come person would have a rebellious child an Angels Ramaiya because of if he doesn't listen to his father we would call emo he doesn't listen to his mother the issue also they discipline him below Ishmael a hem and he doesn't listen to them two questions on this plastic one it already said a nanu sure may abaca love if Luba kullimon he didn't listen to his father's voice or his mother's voice and then the plastic ends below Ishmael a him and he didn't listen to them repetitive we know that he didn't listen to them the beginning of the pasta God says he didn't listen to his father he listened to his mother number one number two why doesn't it just say in a new shimei a bit called of is the emo he didn't listen to his father and his mother instead it says in a notion we call Aviv over Kalima there's an extra word uber called and the answer is something that I talked a lot about and the answer is it's following the plastic has to be read differently than it really looks and has to be read the following here Lee ich bin Sarah Myra how could it be that a person could have a child that is so off when does that happen to you when does that happen that a child would be so off so this is how we have to translate when could it be did you have such a child that's so off to dare us a nanu is the cut score ever said this word a nanu Chimay abaca love it will become oh do you know why this boy is so off well this girl is so off to direct because he never heard his father and mother's voice they never spoke to him they never gave him time they were busy talking on their iPhones they were busy talking business they were busy talking to their friends but this child a nano shimei abhi call of Aluva call emo he never heard them talk to him when did he hear them talk to them V Israel also but they disciplined him and they criticized him and they told him what to do and what not to do but besides that he never heard their voice in a loving way it's interesting that I didn't tell him to play this video they never heard the word from the appearance I love you you're special I'm so happy I dive in for so many years to have you all they heard was why did you get a 50 on your test why you late why you sloppy that's fine if you hear the words of love says the plastic but if you don't hear your parents voice be you also all you hear is just a plan we guarantee you below you sh ma la Han he will not listen to you so the plastic is not repetitive the first day NATO sure may have a Colaba the emo means he didn't hear you you didn't talk to him the second part is below you shmeil a ham he will not listen to you if that's all and many parents come to me and it's not all the blame on the parents but many parents come when it's too late when the kid is often better off when the kid is rebelling when the kid tells his mother bugger off in the middle of the night when she's trying to figure out where he is it's too late to give them time then because they know oh my mother and father they want to take me to a baseball game they never took me to a baseball game they want to talk to me they never used to talk to me now that I'm often their ass and they want me to be show me shabad again now they're talking to me they don't really love me they just want me to be a good boy and girl so I look good to everybody else they know it's fake so it's too late at fifteen sixteen seventeen to start talking to your kids I think that it's very important coming in to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur the month is called l l année Rideau D the Dodie Li I am to my loved one and my loved one is to me it sounds very Shakespearean it sounds like Romeo and Juliet's what does this have to do with ello it should mean ello I knew a hash am the Hashem Lee same words Alif LAAM involve lawmen I'm to my loved one my loved ones to me lol is a very scary month it's not a month of I'm loving you love me he loves me I love him and the reason that for Sal used these words is because if we were to stand in front of God in judgment as a judge and a person there's nobody in this room including me maybe in this generation except maybe rough psy him maybe Rob Avadi Oliver Shaw maybe could stand in judgment in front of my shame and wet that that would pass judgment judgment is very hard it's very finite every Mitzvah gets checked out did you really do it did you do it for the right reasons every are they raw they don't miss anything so cuz I'll knew that if you're gonna come to a sham like some guy go to court with a sucker who's an angel prosecuting you you don't have the chance I don't have a chance so they said the following create a relationship in the month of ello create a loving relationship between you and God and there's a very deep word in Kabbalah which I don't think any one of the true never heard there are people that stand in front of God on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and the tsaatan will not prosecute them they come into the room the court has set up the defense angel meet al is on one side the shuttle is on this side they bring in Moshe Ben sorrow and the something goes no next you have nothing to say you're the prosecuting lawyer nothing he's such a perfect guy he's not a perfect guy she's not a perfect girl by a long shot I am not prosecuting this case which was brought down in Kabbalah how could that be how could anyone in this room stand there Russia Shana and when they bring your soul in front of God the prosecuting Angel who prosecutes everybody will say sir Abbas rifki oh Hashem I rest my case and all the agent like come on no no I have nothing to say about her how's that possible so it's brought down the muscle that they give the parable that they give is the king has a wife the Queen and they love each other very very much but she makes a mistake whatever the mistake is she makes a huge mistake and she's guilty and she has to be hung and they go to the lawyer and they say hey the Queen did something wrong really bad he goes okay we have witnesses okay we want you to prosecute her in court thing are you crazy you want me to prosecute the Queen the king will chop my head off he loves her I am NOT going to be the lawyer in this case find another lawyer and they go from lawyer to lawyer and a lawyer in the life are you nuts I'm gonna prosecute the Queen in front of the King I'm gonna have his wife honk no I would like to live with my children if I prosecutor my kids my grandchildren myself my wife he'll burn my house down they'll hang all of us don't mess you don't mess with the Queen therefore there is nobody in the land to prosecute the Queen and she walks away free and another marshal he brings out and this is brought down in a few places imagine the king has a son of Prince and he's very close to the prince and the prince does something wrong and the guy that he does something wrong that takes care of the prince he's like I can't tell the King because the king is not interested it's just like it's just like if you're in shul and your kid is talking and some guy goes over to him and slaps him in the face be quiet go kill you break the guy's arms you'll kill him you touch my kid are you crazy and then your wife will come wherever is left of him should take care of the rest are you crazy you hit my kids while he was talking and deafening she ever touched my kid same father the next day kids talking about having a father lapsim it says what you beat up the other guy that hit me yesterday now you whack me I can whack you you're my kid nobody else can whack you nobody else can give you muster I can give you moisture and there's a relationship in L between you and God says that's not common if you're gonna go to court just like that you know you're in big trouble but if you work on your I need ideally you work on your relationship but I could borrow so he loves you you're his wife you're his child then the son is scared to mess with you he has enough people that don't have a relationship with Russia so therefore the common by giving us advice and they're saying I need with Dave you a dirty we work on your relationship like who's Borough Hall and what is that relationship what causes a relationship between a husband and wife I do a lot of Shaolin bias I tried so many times many of my students whatever so the women I I don't talk to a woman and a man when it comes to show and buys it they have to come together I don't understand rabbis who talked to the wife or the husband because that's their perception I don't understand people who tell parents what to do with their kids without me without meeting their kids I will never tell someone hello my kids am i I need to meet the kid cuz sometimes the parents perception is their reality is totally awful you talk to the kids away oh my kid has a problem what's the problem she wears shoes and the front is open that's it everything else is good Oh everything's very good once in a while we catch her with some clear nail polish what should we do rabbi wallerstein oh my I need to meet your daughter daughter comes into my office she sits down my so you're having a major problem with you what's what's what I'm like you have open toe shoe and clear nail polish I think I think I think there's more going on she goes well I don't keep Shabbos not really eating kosher anymore I'm talking to boys and hanging out with them I like nail polish clear it's a good thing just keep it up don't worry about it like the parents have no idea so I will be talking about nail polish meanwhile kids Macomb Charlotte so you're not allowed to talk or help anyone unless you meet everyone that needs to help because many of the parents have no idea what's going on and in a marriage many times you speak to the wife my husband is my husband that my husband is then you talk to the husband my wife says so it's good to bring them together so they come to my house they sit down at the table I have five daughters were for shame and a wife I'm living with well I was living with six women now for them I'm married and for a while with one bathroom it's a different share six women in one bathroom it's not posh it wash up now we have more than one I don't understand women I'm never gonna try to understand you my daughters and when they walk in the room one of them has sitting by the bed or hears on the bed and my other daughters ironing her hair and I'm like I thought I sure made here permanent press when you get to start hiring you're here so whatever it is we're not gonna talk about women anyway I always let the woman talk first ladies first I like two of you even if you don't I say it anyway the two of you look like an amazing couple like really Mike yeah you must have very nice wedding pictures so what's wrong with your marriage what's going on now whether they're married three months two years 12 years 15 years 40 years sometimes you have to do Shauna bias at the 40 years like what's wrong he looks like a nice guy she's like he doesn't love me doesn't matter how long they marry that's what she always says he doesn't love me and every single husband says the same thing you see that's the problem what do you mean I don't love you I pay the mortgage I don't know why they say that always sometimes the lady says what do you mean you paid the mortgage my father bought the house without a mortgage that's true okay I pay the bills I'm killing myself I work all day I just got you a new car I just bought your jewelry and the lady says and this doesn't give excuses not to buy jewelry for them guys I don't need you jewellery I don't need your mortgage didn't marry you for that my father had a car and a house before I got married so what do you want I get this all the time day and night so what do you look at her so where do you want and she looks and badnesses you know what I want you guys know I don't know what you want I want you to give me some time I want you to spend and I want your car I don't need your jewelry I tell you in case one of the richest people I know the daughter came to me and said tell me were problems that her mother threw a diamond bracelet at her father in front of the kids and said hey I don't even say what she said forget about what she said I don't you Julie you know what you call okay some of the women in this room like I'll forget the time give me the jewelry but okay I just want your time and every guy's like time like I come home I want me and you we got married with just the two of us and wanted me and you we should talk to each other you should tell me how you feel about me you should tell me what our plans are you don't talk to me you either learning which is great but not on my time you either learning or you're in business or your friends or you're on the phone you're just not there for me it's very sad so I'm I have I have a an answer to it I say listen well shame she doesn't have to go to therapy she knows how to talk about her feelings right she's good she knows what she's missing this is amazing so the two of you go away for three days used to be Florida I don't know about tomorrow we'll see but go away for three days it's a place it's a place in Mexico I want it to go not in Mexico right now either right it's pretty much you can't go anywhere stay in New York but did the place in Mexico and I 20 years ago I wanted to go with my wife it's up on a mountain and thus far didn't have a there's a hotel on the bottom forgot the name of the island very nice place and each has villas and each Villa has a private pool it's like perfect and there's a meaning at the bottom of the mountain there's a hotel with a minyan so it's like fantastic so at that time when I called them on it was a very famous place for honeymooners there was no there was no cell phone so it didn't exist there's no phones on the island you had one phone for emergency in the office of the hotel and it's very embarrassing if you went to use that phone they said bring your wife bring your book that's it no radios no televisions no phones just the two of you I'm trying to remember the name it'll come to me anyway so I tell these couples why don't you go there for three days just the two of you it was interesting when I called them and I asked him about the place I said so when people leave like are they are they are they good they said either one of two things happen either they get much better or they get divorced because it's sitting with each other for three days and they can't talk to anyone else but each other and listen you're looking at this please like I married you married me what are you doing so I tell the guys go away for three days right guys in this room take your wife away for three days I'll watch your kids somebody will watch the kids the grandparents the uncles the aunts take your wife away for three days just the two of you so I tell the guy to make your wife away for three days and no one you don't need therapists it'll be cheaper than all the therapists gonna need marriage counseling the guy looks at me goes three days does it have to be in a row okay I do like a day and then three months later another day and three months till nothing I'm like you don't get it man you don't get it so what's love what's real love of a husband and a wife what's real love of a parent and a child what's real love of two friends people who are willing to spend time with each other so the next we don't have much time we have another ten days if you want to show God love spend some time with him saying extra chapter of tehilim living a little bit extra Torah sit at the edge of your bed and say you know I've been complaining to you my whole life about everything that's wrong in my life but you know what there are so many things that are right I can see I can hear I can talk there's a of crisis I got married I have children speaking tomorrow morning to a group of girls and it's a much to large group who are over 40 years old in single I don't even know what I'm gonna tell them you're married you have children and Shem gave you his most precious thing give you children and you're using that time to be on that stupid piece of metal call the booth and it's an apple that's bitten out of look at this don't look at when you go to it when you go to a hotel open up Gideon's Bible look at the picture of Eve on her first sin with the snake wrapped around her holding up the exact same Apple bitten arrow that is on your symbol of your phone that every single day you go to that I've way dessert go to the web where spiders killed their captives go to the net where things are fished out of the water so they can't breathe go to the cell where prisoners are they even named it that you should all understand it go to that go to the keys on your computer push the enter button and look for an exit button there isn't any it says escape you don't have to be brilliant what are you doing are you married to your phone do you love your phone and the answer is yes you do because if spending time with something means that you love it then all of us are in love with a piece of metal but we have human hearts around us our children our husbands and our wives we have human hearts that need time and instead of that but giving it to a lithium battery why am I telling you this tonight because what is Russia China what is the judgment what do you want what do we ask for money yeah health yeah children yeah a oh yeah details man it's just details cuz without time you don't get any of those without time you're dead you don't have a second left in your life you're gone you're in the other world so when you're standing on Rosh Hashanah you're saying give me 365 days of 24 hours plus 60 minutes times 60 seconds that is what I need from you god I don't want to live 11 months I want to live 12 months I want time so when you ask for something when you're asking for time because the marriage and the money and that everything else is only if you have time if you don't have time you can't be married you're in the ground so if you're asking for time what are they judging us I was just shutting up kept rapport what are they judging you what are you gonna be judged for you're coming and you're asking give me time so to say okay we gave you time last year let's see how you used it you used it well they give you more time you abused it we give you less time so the something walks into the court and he says put up on the screen how many minutes she used on the phone last year not connected to the creator's creation at the flowers not the birds and the butterflies not the sense of smell because phones don't smell not the sense of touch not the sense of hearing because the phones are not alive how much time did she spend in my world that took me six days to create but I gave to the human being and how many how much time does she spend in the fake world the man-made world that has no feelings whatsoever and no emotions and if she spent more time in the man-made world then why should we give her God's world the judgment of today's human being how you spent your time he gave you a wife he gave you a husband he gave you children he gave you parents and you're spending that time with a machine that carries nothing about any one of us this is not even a Jewish thing this is that this is Time magazine this is Newsweek this is the non-jewish world isn't that a Jewish thing about the time that this other world is taking away from us so we're standing with Shoshanna and I want I want to be new world of Shem I want to smell a flower I want to eat an apple I want to touch I want to hug my children I want to listen to music I want to see beautiful colors and scenery I want to be in your world but if you're not gonna be in his world there's no reason for him to give us another year of life so at least for the next 10 days spend it in his world less phone more world show him that you appreciate time that's my judgment and your judgment and all of our judgments and the whole world it's not just Jews the whole world is judged on Rosh Hashanah and it's a disease of the whole world it's an addiction I'm not even getting into the bee masala Shabbos in the whole addiction of it just give you family give each other the most precious thing you have which is love and what is love love is time time is potential one moment of your life did you understand what a moment of your life is in Jewish law if you have a 98 year old man who had a major stroke and he's brain-dead he's 98 years old great-great-grandchildren built you Shiva's helped America unbelievable guy 98 he did everything he's brain-dead brain dead his heart still pumping nothing else he will never wake up he will never talk again he's over he's young 21 year old guys in an accident class - all of his wife is pregnant he's expecting a child and they need a liver his liver is lacerated to save his life he needs a liver transplant and they say rabbi this guy he lived his whole life he's brain dead can we get his liver to save this kid he's about to have a child the child will never see his father he has his whole life ahead of him it doesn't make sense to let him die and let this guy live and the halacha is can't take the liver because one second in this world brain dead brain dead one second in this world you cannot take that second away from that 90 year old man and say that kid doesn't meet logically Santa makes no logically says because we as human beings do not understand what one second in this world is but the rabbi's the Torah was written as sham said you cannot take the life of another human being to save another human being that's Judaism a moment in life look what we're doing with our moments come home at least for the next take on for the next year you come home for the first hour again this is not even Jewish for the first hour that a father comes home mommy patty put your phone in a basket and turn it off kids everybody in a basket for the first hour the kids will see that you know what we mean more to our parents than that phone they will look at that phone and they will not believe it and don't leave your phone on vibrate because that's torture to sit there while you're eating and see them jumping you're gonna go crazy and have withdrawal turn them off turn your kids on first pus it in Bensalem IRA if we don't hear the kids don't hear their parents voice and don't ask questions while they won't listen I want to give everyone a broth of a very simple Brussels ashame should give you this year a lot of time a lot a lot of time it's evil to see what a big event show thank you [Music]