Chanukah: Choices in Life - Rabbi David Kaplan

[Music] morning everybody about 150 years ago when I was in high school we had a teacher one of our English classes he he didn't like us and we did not like him the man had a very annoying habit first of all what he lectured us he always pointed with his glasses there's something very humiliating to be on the receiving end of somebody pointing their glasses at you and they had another habit that periodically he would repeat the last word of a sentence sentence because he felt that that made him look sophisticated sophisticated so he was once handing back our test papers now I have a pretty vivid imagination I could not make this up if I wanted to he was handing back our test papers and he said gentlemen the trouble with your papers there was too much repetition repetition so of course I was sitting in the front row he was a brutal ex-marine and we were terrified of him of course I was sitting in the front row biting my lip off not to laugh but I learned a muster lesson probably the only thing I learned all year in that English sophomore English class which was certain times of life certain things are repeated have to be repeated and the danger of speaking after several speakers is something I say maybe repetition but I'm sure that it is something that if it was said it's worth worth repeating if I say it again two drives lesson home a young man his wife gave birth and she left him home to take care of the kids for about five days while she went off to the bait hakama women claimed that you know the whole giving birth and painful and I personally you know I think the think is more of an attention-getting thing I said that once to my wife I said it once to my wife and I've been in pain ever since so this young man this young man goes and he's got to watch the kids they you know what it's like for a father to watch the kids for five days or six days you know or four days whatever over ten minutes whatever it is and the father's watching because I'm worried when I watch the kids you know my wife was giving me last-minute instructions before she traipse off to the bait house lamashtu give me last-minute instructions about showering and bathing and washing and laundering and I listen nicely politely and I smiled and I said to her listen I will give them back to you basura shem happy and healthy but all those hygienic action verbs ending in ing they ain't happening by me changing clothing meant you know Ravana and shim and change you're going to school today that sort of thing so this young man wife comes back after four or five days she says to listen I am you know you did a great job with the kids and I could see you're a bit worn out so now it's your turn I'll watch the kids pick a hotel of your choice and you go to any hotel you want for four or five days you stay in the hotel he says sir listen you given me four days off she goes yes so let me do it my way he goes to the gabbai of a little stable which is only used for diving on Shabbos he asks for the key to the stable takes a mattress food locks himself in for four days with a mastectomy and in four days he hazzard the entire Maseca to start to finish it was bein assumed on him he said to his wife this has invigorated me I'll be able to go into this man a new person now this little energized me so we know that in life person has to make choices choices are not always easy as a matter of fact one of the most difficult things like possibly the single most difficult thing is making a choice when a person is faced by choice sometimes things are going very well so many things are going very well and all of a sudden somebody offers you a job or there's an offer and throws you into turmoil had I never had the offer I would if I was fine up until now and suddenly there's a new offer something else on the table and now I have to make the choice that a choice creates internal pandemonium person is very very unnerved by having to make the choice so difficulty of life is often person has to make the correct choices and the choices are not easy some of you may remember about I don't know if it's 10 years ago 15 whatever was they had the sheitel crisis in Eretz Israel you remember that I imagine that you remember yes where the shape loss coming from somewhere in India wasn't clear whether they were used for avodah Zarah they were only used as part of the ritual their Buller they're not and it was a disorder I so Suffolk of their eisah and many many people had to make the choice of whether or not they're going to suspend wearing their shackles because there are bun and Posse and anyone with a shape though from the certain company those shape lock are a Suffolk they're isolate because it was used as part of the avodah Zarah service since mama Shea mr. doe Raisa and since it's a Suffolk there I said there were delegations that were sent to some small town somewhere in out in India to find out exactly what was going on was it part of the avodah Zarah service or wasn't part of the avodah Zarah service so there was a teacher in a school and she walks in this is a teacher who never went anywhere without a sheitel she didn't leave the house without a shade though then go shopping without shield and take a shower without a shell nothing without a hazel and she walks in one day she's wearing it to hope and the little girls in class dine your girls they look at the teacher say you know mrs. blow knee you know what's going on they're absolutely shocked so teacher says well you know they're abundant paw skin that shade left from this company cannot be worn unless the person is sure that until we make sure and therefore since Tara Bunim said it it's a difficult thing I've chosen to listen to the rub on him and therefore not gonna wear to sheitel the girls are so shocked they were so impressed and also one of the little girls she stands up and reaches up to her head and she pulls off her hair and she's got no hair underneath and she said you know I haven't been well for the last few months nobody knew about it I've been wearing a sheitel to hide the fact that my hair is falling out but if they're our Bunim said we're not allowed to wear shackles and I'm not gonna wear sheitel so the choices in life are often difficult and a person sometimes has to make the difficult choices there's another lady some of you have heard this story I always come back to this because I think it is so real this goes on in homes all the time a woman who baked these 75 haleh's for a sheva bravas and you know she's got make it a show ruff is the next week so she bakes these 75 collars and she she puts them you know of course there's never room in your own freezer she goes to her neighbor Miriam do you have room in your freezer for my collars she says sure nobody who knows why that is there's always a room for somebody else's stuff in a freezer even if you don't have room it's lamella me nutella and it's just very epic I put my collars in your freezer she says sure the night before the shove a brother she could learn says the Miriam could I can I take my Hallows I wanna start defrosting them you know next tomorrow night's the sheva breakfast she says okay so Miriam goes to the back room she opens up the freezer and there are three collars left in the freezer and she's looking and she's a miracle you know tearing up and she goes over to her husband sitting any other is just Hershel he says yeah you know me and the boys have been eating them all week they're been really good the last time now women have this ability to yell without making a sound I'm always enchanted by inertial just look at other men get that confused look on their face like she's crying and she walks over to her says Tina I'm sorry my husband ate all the collars my husband i boys ate all the fellas sushi look she goes really well I hope they enjoyed them she goes aren't you upset she goes no why should I be upset I baked them that somebody should enjoy them as long as they enjoy the big deal I'll bake more tonight I'll buy at the bakery what's a big big deal not a big deal so you know everyone stole this story in a group there's a lady sitting in the back she could not restrain herself she just burst out water saw Degas she could not hook so I want to tell you something is that lady at Sudeikis she's making a choice a wonderful lady you want to know something ladies to know that Sudeikis is that Sudeikis is now that Miriam who faces a choice if she doesn't go back to her husband and tell him you nitwit what were you thinking we did I ever ever ever baked challah if she just doesn't say a word that's it Sudeikis hey that's a much harder - how about ASA that's hard and you know you know how the story ends of course eight she doesn't say a word she doesn't say a word she doesn't say a word about 2:00 in the morning she sits up in bed you know what are you thinking so I tell you so for those few hours that's it Sudeikis so for those few that's a real today cos you know then you know Hershel is walking on eggshells for the next week you know he's he's he's just being as careful is that you know he's that he's is such a good mom chill I'm involved Nick for the next week he's that every husband knows you know if the wife is ever looking at you like this you're in big trouble big trouble and if they ever got they're in a big loop then you better find the nearest window and go out I've always found what also the wife calls you by your full name it's also dove 'add capital then you know you know oh I think I gotta dive in tomorrow I'll see you in three days so we have y'all ova ova out the door so the choices are not always easy and it starts with a verb of you know because I'll say that Avram Aveeno has faced the first choice he faced are you go into a flaming furnace or you're not going to go into the flaming furnace and eyebrow Aveeno chooses that is going to is going to go into the flaming furnace my cell was similar bun and glycerol now see the throughout history we're going to have to make choices and the choices are not always going to be easy choices the choices that are being made the choices are being are very difficult choices Avraham Avinu has to make ten choices he Pierce's initio knows in all through history less exposure two weeks ago roughly Meno makes the agonizing choice the ordeal that she faces is she going to choose to main take keep her husband or is she going to choose to forfeit her olam has a-- and her Olam haba at that moment she didn't know what would happen is she going to forfeit at all in order to spare her sister the shame of being taken out of the football and she replaces her in rouxelle a man who makes the choice she cannot bear that her sister should have to go through any sort of suffering any sort of humiliation is sort of embarrassment she makes a choice that is the single most difficult thing we face it hundreds of times a day the idea of making a choice in roughness where we put our emphasis are we going to pass a test or not many years ago my Rebbe Konev Rocko's they attack they brought her mental wine bucks at Sal he read us an article a Torsen map that was published in Eretz Israel a secular Israeli editor of one of the Israeli dailies anti-religious day of the man named I'm known dentin er wrote an article now you know that journalists always want to show that they are objective that they maintain some sort of Latin note there's no bias on their part and I'm not dengler who is himself anti-religious wrote a very positive article nobody knows why he did it he wrote that being I think the title of the a column the article was something called little I think it was called live ID a classic live ID and what he writes in this column is that his friends he's here he is in Israel he says there are three types of friends he has those who have left the country those who have gone to the United States they've left Israel they're living in either in Los Angeles or West Germany wherever they go those who were killed in Israel two wars and those who have become balli Chile's and he writes and this article he laments the fact that he finds that he's all by himself live ID he has no friends they're all gone they've gone to one of three directions and then the mr. dank nur writes unclear why he did this he writes when I go to dissing off in Tel Aviv and I look at the people there all I see our faces of people covered with darkness and yet when I look at my friends who've become Bally Chivas who've given up a life of materialism in lack of self control they have a light glowing from their face that's what he writes so I'm not Dec gird it was the first time I heard of him and then I heard of him again about I'm guessing about ten years ago he wrote another column this was the column Hanukkah time he wrote this column and in this column he challenges the secular Israeli public he writes to the secular Israeli public there you are eating some gone yet I'm sure you've heard some guy note or the ideal miracle food because you eat one and it burns inside for eight days I'm sure you know that and so he writes there you are eating self Gani out possibly lighting menorahs you're celebrating yet he asked the Israeli public imagine the war was taking place today you have Vikas Bahl no he my one side you have the oven him on the other side the Yvan M stand for entertainment licentiousness lack of self-control pleasure fun no me dos work at all that's on the one hand then you have the Hashem Annoying who stand for self control Torah Fela Phil in Casa de nada Mahavira if there or was taking place today whose side would you be on who would you want to emerge victorious the Avani or the cosmonium you yourself are living like Avani and you're celebrating the victory of the Hashem and I am whose side would you be on who would you want to be victorious if that war was taking place today so I remember I saw this article I was thinking to myself you know if I was a secular Israeli I have a problem here because I have ever serious identity crisis what am i I'm an Israeli I'm a Jew exactly what am i and he's absolutely right because I'm living my life very much in favor of the Avani ideals and the last thing I would want is they have to go to base Magisters to say to hilum were to restrain myself for any pleasure that I would like to indulge it and they're very asked him which side whose side would you be on very very provocative question my next thought was that as pleasant that wasn't a pleasant thought either - so it was extremely unpleasant because I thought to myself whose side would I be on whose side would I be on what in my life is a demonstration what in my life is consistent with cash from annoy values and what in my life is consistent or is more in line with Yvonne ebail values and it was very very difficult you know I was grappling with that issue it's not easy and you got a it you have to activate a tremendous amount of honesty you know I was once let's go into England flying into Heathrow Airport so he got to the I'm a coin and there was a problem at the time for Kohanim to fly from England territory show there's a problem with bodies and the planes I always had to ask in those days I would have to call the cargo department of the ll to find out there anybody's on the plane and I have to call a few times during the day because the sooner I'd find out the sooner I can start making alternative alternative plans I remember one time I called the guy cargo I called him up one city afternoon I said hell yeah they're gonna give me anybody's on tonight's plane he says I mean no I called him again I called him a third time about an hour before the flight I said are gonna be anybody's on tonight's plane to say yes sir there will be 200 bodies all of them alive about enough of my so so when when when I get that as I got that at that so I had a route myself because I'm a Co hain so I was flying to England I was there for about a week and then I was flying back through Germany through Frankfurt Germany I was gonna fly to Germany and then pick up El Al coming out of Germany there wasn't a problem so when I get to the get to the passport control and there's a Hindu you know I got a man's about six four got a long black beard he's wearing a tickle interesting contrast well he was from India he was worried about the shades I guess but say he's wearing he's wearing you know he's got a long beard he's wearing he's wearing this head be he's wearing their thing on the head and he immediately took a very strong dislike to me I don't know why I don't think I'm their bad always and I walked in on I walked and as soon as he saw me he could tell there was there was tension and we have to fill out the the card there's a card that you fill out you know the board when you when you enter the country and on the card it says write down your profession your occupation so I wrote teacher so the guy picks up my cart and he glances over it he says to me a very very aggressive way says what do you teach so I said Toro so he looked at me flinched for a second because he don't know what that meant and then he looks at my card he said why are you flying through Germany so I said to him well because there's a problem with too much mace some post skimmer may kill but some are mah clear there's a Passat offici I'm math Amir so I'm going through Germany and then probably the sweetest five seconds of my life he looked at me and I looked at him he's looking at me and I'm like like that and we looked deep into each other's Souls it is the god worshipper versus the cow worshipper and we looked deep deep into each other's Souls he didn't say anything and he says to me what do you teach I said Torah these stamps a pastor says are they going in now I thought to myself sorry interesting the guys suspected me being a terrorist yet he couldn't admit that he didn't know a word I said I knew that he didn't know he knew that I knew that they didn't know we both know it was wonderful every time I go back tingling for the same guy I can't boy I was terrific and yet he couldn't admit because he didn't have enough he didn't takes tremendous amount to be honest person makes a self-assessment very difficult thing so this requires this requires some pretty pretty harsh honesty and a person has to ask himself is the thing that I'm doing any stage in life and I want to tell you something you're wonderful alright so if you knew how many misses you do in the course of a day if a person understood you don't even appreciate yourselves I guarantee you don't appreciate yourselves because you get up in the morning and you do mitzvahs from the beginning of day today and they you know I realize how many how many you're doing and because the fact that you're here today you obviously came to hear the shiurim the food was a completely second thought back fire fire fire in the back of your mind had almost nothing to do with the choice and a person who's working on themselves obviously a person you understand you from the moment you wake up in the morning you know minutes as you're doing now my kids used to play if you want to see it reflection is in your children or your grandchildren I used to get up Shabbos morning my kids to play sure kids they show you know one boy puts on a big towel up it's a big beach towel and it's the tallest and one guys the guy buy and the other ones who yells at the guy buy and then you got and it always ends with an O for a fright there's I so sort of off roof and they're playing show I don't know if Catholic kids play Church you know okay you bring the nails I'll bring the hammer you know I did that to me last week so it sister I don't know exactly how that works from kids are playing you know where they say they see it in you they see what you're doing I don't know what the girls the girls didn't play show the girls played played wedding that was a very confusing game by the way I never I never picked that one up because I know he's do there were two of them one was the hustling one was the Calla but one doubled as the mother-in-law and one was holding a baby and then somebody walked around seven times I think they both walked around each other seven I'm not sure how that worked in a from home in a from home you know that you get up in the morning if you know what you're doing you know the brisker of once saw a man sitting on a park bench he said to this man a loafer he said to this man tell me something have you done anything productive today tell me something productive you don't think man say just I have I got up this morning I put on my right shoe and then I put on my left shoe then I tied my left shoe and I tied my right shoe exactly what hello who says the brisker of the brisker of the brisker of was a fire risk over was me spoil at the man's answer that a Jew understands you fulfilled one how Lachlan Johan are do you realize what you've done in a person sitting here do you know what you've done did you make breakfast for your family you cook the meal for somebody in your house do you know you've just done a HESA to dare Raisa we take it for granted if a dog was scratching at your door you would bring him in and feed him maybe you would I assuming those you know those who would the one of you who would but if a dog if you would feed a cat or a dog you'd feel you've done a mitzvah you'd feel you've done something you've done a pest that if you feed a family member feed a husband or you feed a child or for you to grandchild you have you've done a yes it is a de-icer you're diving to give tell me didn't I said so on the one hand were full of mitzvahs Malay mitzvahs Kareem on that's even the worst of the Jews on the other hand we understand that there's always time to grow and that's why we have your moot over this way behind oka it's always a question of inspiration of trying to pick up and inspire ourselves to grow I heard a bunch of from kids or ones playing Monopoly and one of the kids landed I know tell boom he's out the game it's when the other kid says you know what let's make him a good Mach hmm yeah where'd you get the idea okay it's a kid living in Israel so that's one of the big words in the house is you know come on mouth gratzi to Balak mouth mouth yeah but that's what they're singing the parents that saw that that's what a child is the child sees a child's reflection of you you're doing myths this morning tonight so where's there room for improvement person has to be very honest is there room for improvement where can I change where can I grow so person asks himself when it comes to technology is technology the various forms of technology sneeze luxuries whatever it is that we're involved with is this something that I was I'm emulating an Avram avinu a roughly Manu or is this something that I would have gotten from a guy by name a Papadopoulos whose value is this whose value am I now imitating whose value where's this coming here very very important question for us to ask ourselves this time of year how do you regard an aviary the hunched-over Kayla man who's walking around and perhaps his clothing doesn't indicate it's not quite as polished as a professional and he's hunched over a Gomorrah might have curly big curly pay us in your heart of hearts how do you see this person that's an indication of where you're holding what you really feel about him in his Torah in his value I heard about a couple winter a score of a Schuyler so they come into the robbed asking shy whatever deshyla was and the rub speaks them for a few minutes of the wife after the he answered her shy she said to the rough guy just ask you a question you know every surface in your living room is covered by swaram everywhere I looked there storm storm storm so there's an uncovered so cheers storm storm over here storm over there throw him over there I mean why do you have safar him all over the place so the rough said I think my wife could answer that better he calls in the Rebbetzin and she asked the ribs of wine storm every surface that is like clean surface in the room so Rebbetzin smiles she said to me well this is a living room isn't it this is the room for living the tour is Kihei Maui know this or is our life it's for living so person was seized you know your son comes home from school we made a seal - nice well that's great just get your machine is off the dining-room table that's an indication of a certain value child comes up with her but she dies puts it on the table you should dance he's got a mission nice in his hand in our day and age he's got a machine i answ in his hand she'd count your blessings count them it's a biggest bra if that's not a value than a person so where did I get that from so we celebrate the past Shemin why do we celebrate the PUF Shemin there was a war pop Shannon I mean I boil is good living and surviving is better why do we survive the pop Shemin and the answer is with mm ella goes and he defeats go yes so what happened Meldrick says he hits him in the head with a rock it is embedded goal yas comes out dove it takes his stone boom nails him right in the forehead and the measure says what would you expect a hit in the forehead that's strong enough to kill somebody so under normal circumstances he would fall backwards and the meddra says he fell forward why did he fall forwards as the meddra sh2 saved of a time a lot of 12 steps sewed of Adar melech instead of having to walk all the way over there to chop his head off conveniently go yas falls at his feet he could chop his head off over here when I ask you something Tabata Mela is about to become a national hero he's gonna marry the king's daughter he's gonna have everything good I guarantee you mm Ella would have been glad to take the extra 12 steps to chop his head off with the sword it was a beautiful day for a head shopping there was no reason there why does he need Gaga's to fall forward the answer is that there was a victory but where is the indication of the overtime Ella is special indication as he gets his own little nice kisses a little nice a little miracle and his own little miracle is such that it shows you're special the war was a tremendous victory but we need a little special miracle just to show you know what you had to survive because I promise you'll survive but what shows that you're special which shows that you're special is you get the little days of the pop Chapman finally finally young man in my neighborhood and that's a young anymore I mean is he's my age so very very young and I once asked him today he's a rove he's a PO sake he's a Roche kollel and I once asked him how he became about Shiva he told me he lives on a secular kibbutz anti religious secular but so one day on the kibbutz there was a tragic traffic accident three sets of parents were killed in a car accident the daughter of one of those sets of parents left the kibbutz a short couple months later went has become a ballast Qiu of everybody figured she's emotional emotional turmoil why would anybody normally become a ballast chuhwa and the meantime this young man went to the Israeli Air Force and one day about a year and a half later they get word that the girls engaged she's getting married so he told me young man told me this himself he and his friends from the Air Force as captain Israeli Air Force flying f-15s said he and his friends around the way to the wedding and our entire way they were making jokes about you Shiva buckles you should have a brush with a bunch of turtles in a shell they don't know what's going on anything could be out of touch he gets to the wedding they're still making jokes that's a hopper they're still making jokes the entire time to make you shiver but girls all of a sudden plus a new collar coming out of the hood room the guy says okay Kyle how's the color coming out let's get ready for dancing he told me that everybody in the room stood up the yeshiva bokram stood on one side of the room to be mcconnell the hosted to dance with him and the secular people his friends his people they all were on the other side of the room he told me he stood there and he looked at the contrast and he thought to himself Zach I visit MIT van ear at Sellafield and he wrote Elliott told me the choice to be from was made on the spot he didn't have any questions there was no convincing there was no arguing it was only tell me what to do there was a McCarver there who saw his eyes light up he came over to start arguing with him he said to him don't argue with me just tell me what Zach I resumed it when you're at Sellafield who the heart of a crime occurred as robust as choose life that's what we have to do we make choices all the time our job is to choose life coach Brooklyn open Saul make the right choices all the time which you resolve it a little bigger Hanukkah I mean [Music]