Building Yourself by Looking Ahead - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] welcome to marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel Shawn buck I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Brooklyn and around the world via Skype we're going to be concluding my series on my new book think good it will be good tonight and I want to begin by talking about this idea that a person can imagine their future before it happens it's a very powerful idea last week's lecture we talked about forgiveness and we were amid bounine we were concentrating and meditating upon the concepts of forgiveness we read from the book - Tomer Devorah and just the day after that I forgave somebody for something that I maybe would not have easily done in the past but because I was meditating on it with this group together I was more ready for it so some things which we do prepare us for the future it does not mean there's always an automatic reaction as people studied sadaqa every day for example now I'm studying this in the Rambam one is more open to giving sadaqa when necessary because you're thinking about these ideas so tonight's topic is the last chapter so to speak of my book think it will be good about creating your future so we've gone through the earlier steps of creating space than going above and thinking good so once you've done that you're in a different mode psychologically and religiously you're a person that has space between the thoughts the feelings and actions they're able to slow down their thoughts you're also able to go above a situation so instead of looking things as we say within the box you're able to look at things like logic from outside of the box and you're able now with those thoughts that are slower and you're thinking more broadly event to think positive thoughts so you've just transformed yourself in a state of depression anxiety perhaps or some other just pain you're going through to more positive state of mind this is incredibly important I have a client today I was talking to and I said to him it's you need to make a choice between turning the switch on or off it's plus - and you can people can even if they're suffering from depression anxiety still despite their thoughts and feelings despite everything they can also introduce positive thoughts in the mind so it's incredibly powerful to be able to turn that switch on where are my thoughts now are they negative or positive if they're negative switch to the positive once you're doing that the final step is creating your future creating something for yourself and as I just mentioned before the more you meditate in what can be it helps you to become what you could be this is an incredible lesson in life to spend time imagining what life would be like without depression without anxiety without struggle without pain even if you're feeling depression you're feeling anxiety and you are experiencing trauma you introduce a new layer your consciousness of imagining a different type of the future this is so incredibly important psychologically you peek into the future with somebody that you're trying to help and you know that a person spends losing it was in suffering emotionally depression anxiety zone spending a lot of time in their past there's a lot of disappointment there's a lot of rumination about things that happen to them happened to their parents happens in them when they were children most of these things are clearly beyond their control they had no control over them they just happen to them but at some point even though that they're experiencing thoughts about their past you also want to introduce possibilities of their future you could say well I'm still depressed I'm still feeling sad I'm still scared yes well despite the keyword in psychology according to Viktor Frankl what I believe in logotherapy is despite what you're experiencing you have to squeeze out you have to find a small space in your mind somewhere and despite your feelings of depression offend a small space of thinking about life without depression without anxiety going beyond yourself because this is the one thing you are control if you're not in control of your past is it's already happen but you are in control of your future in your present you can choose and even if your present is difficult you could say perhaps you're not in control of your present at times does one motive exit one tense you can control you can create with tremendous creativity and thews e azan is your future even though it hasn't happened yet so let's tonight look at how to create a future for yourself even if you're not there yet and to think about it deeply but I also like to begin as I do in the book this chapter with a much loved metaphor from Viktor Frankl so in 1970 I believe he was visiting the University of Toronto I'm speaking to a group of college students a few thousand college students and this video is available on YouTube it's a great free way to watch Viktor Frankl and he turned to the audience and he was talking about the need when working with teenagers at-risk teenagers this is the 1970s right teenagers were in trouble Ribit rebelling into drugs into delinquency too to give them a sense of meaning in their lives and to elevate what he says in his words as a spark within every human being for a positive future for for a sense of meaning in their lives and he was in his 70s at the time in gray hair and he turned to the audience and he said you're not gonna believe this but he and his this his old age took up flying lessons recently and he learned something in flying lessons that if you're going from point A to point B in that direction from A to B and there's a cross wind blowing in that direction if you aim towards B and there's this crosswind you're going to aim you're gonna end up lower than you're expected you're gonna go just let's say let's call this C right so if you aim for being as across when it's gonna push you down but he learned in flight lessons how do you get to B if there's a crosswind you aim for a higher boy aim for D and he called this crabbing I guess it was like a crab like this and you move like this so to speak but you move north of your direction so to speak and you arrive your direction so this is the abbe Maxim this is the great principle of all positive psychology he believes is that if you take a man for who he is you make him worse if you help somebody become who they should become they can become who they can be this is a very powerful saying well let me quote but let me quote the saying as he quotes it more effectively because I think he summarizes it says as follows if we take man as he is we make him worse but if we take him as page 98 but if we take him as he should be we make him be capable of becoming what he can be said too much bran I did this is not even Viktor Frankl this is the famous philosopher Goethe who he was a very big fan of many of his writings come from Goethe and so on but he believed that a person needs to reach for something higher than themselves to become who they can become that's what I was talking about before what is the future you like to create for yourself you create your your star you create that vision of yourself and once you have it you propel yourself towards that vision of what you can become and then perhaps you'll become who you can be so this asks this begs us a certain question psychologically with clients and with ourselves what would my life be like without depression or anxiety what would I be doing Wow that is a difficult question people that are suffering but have them imagine for a few months well what would be doing different I'd be talking to people might be traveling more I'd be more productive financially browse what changes will take place when my life is better what would I be doing differently when all the problems have been resolved what should what would I like to become in the future it's becoming a basically an architect of your future and the wonderful thing is if you if you if you focus on the future you are indeed an architect of it you cannot be an architect of your past because it's become an archaeologist of your past an architect architectures for the future our archaeology's clay for the past there were two psychologists who also believe this in the 1970s and they created something called solution focused therapy really remarkable change in the direction of psychology it was created out of the movement of marriage and family therapy and when I was trained in and solution focused therapy believed that most of psychology was simply more focused on problems and on the past than on their future so they wanted to change the very language of people's problems they believed language had a very powerful impact in people's life as I mentioned a few times before this very famous doctor Bernie Siegel when someone said to them they had masculine and so it was a death sentence he would say it's a challenge the very nature of death versus challenge is very very powerful in human psyche one instills hopelessness one instills hope so to how we talk about something influences how it turns out so if we spend time talking to people psychologically about their problems then perhaps they can't get beyond their problems because they're just dealing with them they said there's either a problem talk or solution talk so with clients they would do a lot of solution talk and avoid the problem talk so one of the things they did it was called the exception question the exception question asked people about times when they didn't experience their own symptoms what were you doing differently at those times when you weren't feeling depressed even somebody who's depressed it's unbelievable or anxious there are times when they're not depressed or let's say there are times when they're less depressed or the less anxious what are you doing when you're less depressed and less tank less anxious and just think about what people do they're on the phone talking to somebody perhaps it gives them a certain sense of elevation relief they are taking a walk in the park they are watching something enjoyable perhaps they are speaking to a friend they are painting a picture they are studying something news and some something Internet which brings them interest to creating something perhaps they're working they're teaching and the answer to the exception question is well if the answer to that question is you were talking to your friend and they made you feel a little bit less depressed so why not consider do more of it doing more of that now this is really incredible so you can help people because they will have their own solution you just have to ask them well what were you doing when you weren't depressants they do more of that now do you become the coach for so to speak fishing you want a fishing expedition the fish the fish is the catch is oh this is what they told you that they're doing when they're feeling less depressed was anxious oh you helped them do more of that that's called the exception question it's also something called the miracle question which is what I was talking about before what would life be like without the history of your problem what if you had a miracle tonight and you woke up and everything had changed what would you be doing differently how would life be different how would you know things have changed you're entering them into a world of new possibilities you're going beyond their illness you're going beyond their difficulty beyond their problems and you're talking about the future at that point I have to tell you how powerful it is psychologically people will sit for years in therapy and never be asked to imagine what life would be like without their illness the more you talk about your positive future eventually the more you become your future as I said before we were learning together last week about forgiving and the next day an opportunity where I forgave somebody it was so powerful emotionally to me because I was thinking about it the more you think about a positive future despite your symptoms the more you'll be able to achieve it eventually in your own time so it's so important to spend time in the future the next part of solution focus therapy is to help the client maintain an optimistic view between sessions whether this is a friend of yours if you're not therapists or somebody you're gonna see once in a while so you can ask me there's a brilliant thing that you in solution focus Arup you say like this between this session and the next session please observe what good things happen in your life that you would like to continue to happen in the future isn't that wonderful you tell your children in school you know between between you know today and tomorrow could you report to me some of the good things that happen to you Wow and that great asking people to go fish for positive things between now in the next session or between now and the next time you see your child or your spouse or somebody at work you turn to your spouse and say between tonight and tomorrow let's tell me just note down on your phone or a piece of paper all the positive things that happen to you at work and then you begin to Jane that is turning that switch on now from the negative towards the pot what are you seeking what you seek is what you get so if you seek that positive you'll find it if you seek it if you see a negative Tiffany you'll find it if you seek at positivity you may find a lot more of that and they might not have expected it but it's also actually there in front of us we just have to seek it out another technique we talked about is you tell somebody to go slowly and don't expect rapid changes so you reduce the likelihood that the client will return to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure go slowly you know it might not change overnight you may see small changes take place in your life and and then you you you hold on to those small small tiny changes that take place and that's where real positivity grows from small little changes I write in the book also that people should be aware of what we call frenemies you know the expansion frenemy people who make you feel bad about yourself people have asked me these questions my friend pulls me down it's so negative somebody's asking questions last about this you know I try to maintain the certain positivity throw me such negativity well you have to choose them to spend less time with people that pull you down that your that are your frenemies you want to surround yourself with people that make you feel good there's nothing like a support group of people that are there for your best interests and you're there for their best interests so surround yourself with positive people have a go-to person that you could talk positive ideas but I have that I have a rabbi writer when I write my books I turn to him I discuss some ideas he's where we have a very creative time together he's also a writer rabbi publicist publisher but I go to him we talk about great ideas again we bounce off each other positivity what about this and what about that and what about this way it becomes a fun time I don't talk to people that say I don't think you can write your book which people have told me don't write that and other people have written books and if I spend time but those people I'll never write a book but if I spend time with my friend the dreamer I'll write a lot of books so spend time with people who you're able to share your vision your dreams about your positive future and you'll see that as gonna be self enhancing and self self fulfilling that we should be what we call lamplighters Paul laid the Yamamah the Gemara says people that light up people that bring light to others I think it's Paul ad AMA workers of the day workers of light those who bring light to others pull a yama life is this isn't our meat I mean that's what it says let's go to another deeper level another therapy which I talked about in the book is called narrative therapy there's a brilliant therapy also invented about 40 years ago it believes that there are positive gains to be made by telling a new story about yourself this is so incredibly powerful each of it every one of us has our own book of stories we have a story a narrative somebody could be an immigrant worked hard and was successful somebody was somebody that struggled in school but ended up you know being more successful because they worked hard at it somebody started a new business they they created their own company their story becomes something they've accomplished or the story could be a very negative story somebody who wasn't I've never liked by my friends Ryan or somebody that was rejected by others so people have title of their book you want to find out what is your title of your book what is your narrative is that a positive narrative is it a negative narrative I've talked about in the past about people that overcame tremendous difficulties immense I once met a child psychiatrist who defeated all odds his parents were divorced when his young child his father was a paranoid schizophrenic he struggled very deeply with his father's illness for many years he became a very famous well-known child psychiatrist I was able to change his narrative his narrative would have been a neglected horrified traumatized child - healer of thousands of children you can change your narrative now let's say somebody didn't experience growth as well they can look differently at what has happened to them in their lives I talk about in the book Joseph's exotic his story Joseph the Torah what is what is this story you know beautiful child this is one narrative beautiful child whose father loved him deeply was rejected was abandoned thrown through a pit and sold into slavery now of course he becomes a second to the king but many years later when his brothers are brought to Adam it's Ryan he's confronted by them and he has a choice to make what narrative could he have said to his brothers I was your hated brother the Jewish child who was tragically abandoned by family and had suffered in prison all these years but what did he also say instead he asked him to come closer to them he says I'm your brother Yosef from whom you sold into Egypt but now do not be sad Yosef changes the entire narrative of his life he were aware of this he says words do not be sad why would they be sad because of what they did and what had happened to him rather what his Yosef say and let it not trouble you that you sold me here for it was to preserve life that God sent me before you some crowd was braces 45 and so Yosef was able to recognize that everything in his life had a purpose that he indeed was sold into slavery in order to save the world and to save his brothers life's many years later he saw himself purely living through scoff apprentice he was fulfilling a role in this in this world despite his suffering he looked at a situation very very differently and this is so incredibly important for anyone who is struggling with depression or anxiety or struggles with pain to be able to change their narrative and one of the techniques a narrative therapy is called to externalize to external I something so how do you external I something the idea is to encourage a person to see the problem as confronting them that they don't have a problem but there's a problem confronting them that simple change in language is extremely powerful psychologically someone tells you that they're terribly depressed and you change that to say I hear that you're struggling against your depression or I hear you're struggling against depression that be even better so depression is externalized - I am depressed - you're struggling against depression you help externalize it and take it outside of the person instead of somebody just saying I'm depressed it's asking tell me about the depression you're experiencing a narrative therapy would ask how does depression affect you it's externalized what does depression tell you what is it communicating with you the main point is to show that the client is not the problem or the problem is not the client rather the problem is trying to control the client instead of saying he has the problem we're taught we tell the client that the problem has him and then the question becomes to who's in charge of this external problem the person or the problem and so we're talking about externalizing things trauma changing the narrative looking at oneself fused with emotional illness depression anxiety versus something external which they're finding against it's much easier to fight something that you're against rather than something which is you so this is incredibly powerful in in the in the role of narrative therapists so we have this idea again of externalizing things moving at one step outside of ourselves and we have this idea of envisioning ourselves as something different whether the problem is ours or the problem exists is a very big change where we view ourselves in our lives so I'm asking people to change their narratives think about what is your own personal narrative perhaps you'd like to do this exercise write down in one sentence your own narrative of your life and once you write that down I'd like you to challenge the narrative how could I write a new narrative a person who's struggled with depression most of my life to a person who has worked towards finding solutions for depression and helps others overcome depression is a very different narrative a person who was rejected by friends and bullied by in their school to a person that seeks had and builds positive friendships with others or a person who cares about people less fortunate than themselves what a difference in narratives you know people walk around deeply with that narrative for some people the narrative is so profound they're in such deep states of depression then they can't do anything else besides feel those feelings we challenge them we want to bring the problems outside of themselves to change their description of themselves and by changing the very narrative it relieves these terrible feelings we have towards themselves were able to accomplish so much more with a different narrative and if you have trouble doing this I'd like you to turn to a very positive loving person and help them rewrite your narrative with you those are the friends you really want to keep company with in your life who who can help me talk who can talk to me about changing my nair who and who not only can help me change my nair who helps to reinforce my narrative when I'm feeling down those are the people you want to do and if you want to do it for yourself to help others how about helping others do it for themselves as well have it become the narrative changer in people's lives for your children for your spouses people that you know in your lives your in-laws become the narrative changer everybody around you suffering from their narratives so be the one that challenges everybody's narratives looks at you differently that's remarkable I've worked with kids that for example well and that family where the schizophrenic father this doctor had tremendous grandparents that believed in him very much so he had he had what he had a a parallel narratives to the negative narrative the paranoid schizophrenia extremely loving embracing grandparents so they believed in him very deeply so they changed they gave him the possibility to change his narrative I've seen cases where I'm gonna really change this when somebody whose parents was a drug dealer and the mother was bipolar and the family was divorced and he was sent to a Christian school and abused in that school for many years and he came to be very very depressed suffering terribly and worried about his family and so on and I found out that he decided in 11th grade he wants to become a nurse because he wanted to heal people that were in pain so I spent a year or two with him helping him become a healer of other people seeing himself as a healer and learning how to be more successful in school to go further with his studies and so on so we changed he was able to change his narrative from this you know child of drug dealer and neglected and abused to a healer of other people how did he view how did he what Badgley walk around with in his life and he's really doing much better than he was doing in the past so a good therapist can help you change your narrative and a good friend could enforce reinforce that narratives and you as good friends can reinforce other people's narratives as well okay so with that in mind and I talked a bit about this in the book and I give some affirmations that I'd like you to consider using in your lives and to write down I envision myself : and write a few lines what do I envision myself as as becoming so here's just some possibilities then you could just use your own so I envision myself attracting new friends and building close relationships just like you do your son it's the exact same thing we didn't coordinate this before the lecture you just said it and you can see right now it actually worked that well I envision myself spending quality time with people I love and enjoying our relationship I envisioned myself improving my marriage and increasing my attachment with my spouse trying to imagine that I envisioned myself connecting with the parent with whom I have been distant for many years in the past see if you can overcome that one I envisioned myself marrying someone who loves and appreciates me for who I am people aren't reducing with that that affirmation I envision myself building a positive relationship with my child or children one has strained relationships with one's children envision yourself and meditate in this every day on your list envisioning yourself improving the relationship with your children and amazing and you could use this for financial gain as well and vision myself earning more money how about that I envision myself being successful at work and even more than that show the ways write down the ways which you will be more successful at work you know I'm gonna get up earlier and get to work on time I'm going to stay a bit later I'm gonna finish my projects in a timely fashion I'm going to put more effort in to building my division of the company or teaching the students I'm teaching or making more sales imagine a salesperson who spends a few minutes a day and visioning herself making more sales what would be better from imagining himself not making sales or making sales where would he be best off what would he meditate in which would give him that the energy energize him to do more it's really visiting oneself in the positive I told you before I'm a university and college professor and I prefer with my students just do positive reinforcement as opposed to negative marking I've seen my students some of them flourished by just being very positive this is why you could do better next time type of language as opposed to this is what you did wrong do this to yourself I envision myself being more successful I envision myself succeeding academically I envisioned myself being happy in my job despite the environment that I'm working in happen if somebody suffering from health issues god forbid I envisioned myself feeling better I envision myself with less back pain I envisioned myself oh you're dr. envision myself healing from discomfort or illness I envision myself eating well and not losing control I envisioned myself exercising and improving my feelings of wellness I envisioned myself climbing a mountain biking a long distance running a marathon or walking long distance and I envision myself living longer how about that Bernie Siegel who works with people our chronic chronic illness but somebody comes to him with Molly says how long do you want to live he says you have to want to live at least 100 years he tells them that's the goal I love I he wants you have to want to live he says you have to want to live that's number one and they're envisioning themselves living he shows scientifically visioning what's up living gives you longevity right so envision yourself Malka professionally work with patient helping people helping your patients and vision themselves being healthy it's extremely empowering we know on the placebo you want to talk sight a little more science something called the placebo effect right we all know about this go to a doctor for anxiety it gives you a sugar pill and you still feel much better the next day what happened because they say that the placebo effect may be 40 to 50 percent right this there's a tremendous impact on the well how could there be a tremendous impact on placebo effect because we know that if we envision something gives us more life force there's science how it effects your scientist right besides is how it affects your different organs Bernie Siegel talks about the neurobiology of this but there's impact on different systems in your body which allow the body to function more healthy if there's a sense of hope as opposed to a sense of depression so as many things people can do in their health just by envisioning themselves eating more healthy feeling better somebody's feeling sick they should spend a few minutes a day meditating on themselves feeling better this will be the star that they look up towards and try to access with all parts of their being in terms of Education I envision myself passing the test I visioned myself working hard and succeeding gaining knowledge completing study objectives finishing complete tractates and the Gemara or books tell you achieve a student ok now you're having trouble learning imagine in the future in a few years from now imagine yourself making assume anyone would feel like to be at that see'em with your friends around something gets up and says cottage of the CM and there's some food afterwards I'm feeling energized you've completed something in your life meditate with people around you I'm very positive worthwhile goals you'll see that enriches their experience they're able to just more easily move towards those goals as we mentioned before I mentioned many other things imagine yourself as a parent dealing konley with your children being patient and diligent not being afraid to discipline when necessary actively listening to them not yelling at them when you're upset never hitting them or hurting them inadvertently feeling appreciated for all your hard work imagine your children appreciating you for all your hard work even if they don't know and of course in terms of mental illness and emotional distress somebody's depressed imagine themselves feeling better happier enjoying life being less overwhelm thinking good thoughts appreciating other people not worrying about the future and so on so those are just some ways I just introduced you to the topic now it's up to you to actually carry this out by writing you're becoming the architect of your future by writing your new narrative of yourself and how you envision yourself every day through certain lists of meditations and I say every morning get up with your list and read it to yourself for a few minutes to start your day think would be incredibly powerful when I was young I wanted to change the world sometime so this I think is real slant sort of hub it's fine and then he went back is as well maybe I'll start with my country I said I'm a start in my city I don't know I don't know if you're successful I'll change my family and it was hard she was left with himself and he spent many years changing himself and he changed a little world so you're right I agree with you it's a good point that real change comes from within yourself and then it's and I'll give you a perfect example in marriage and family therapy just one change in the environment can change everything if you have one person in the family I've had when I do marriage and family therapy I have I could have several siblings and parents in the room together and if one person and that family will do active listening I think you influenced the entire family one person if you help if you coach one mother to listen to their children to do active listening you know active listening is when person says something and you reflect back to them and you you paraphrase what they're saying I hear you if one person in the family does is I often see many people starting to do it in the family because it's strange they're doing it they're not used to doing it if they're coming to me they're probably fighting or angry if one person is able to do active listening and change the dynamics of communication that family people start following it ago first law that's kind of weird you're talking differently mm-hmm and then you know what happens they'll start actually enjoying it because you like to talk to some of your active listens to you some of your actively listens he was reflecting what you're saying is seems interested in what you asked today so that even the most person is against it well actually eventually before it because they enjoy listening to somebody active listening to them and then they start doing to other people so you took one little change in a system egg ecosystem can change the entire pond the entire environment so exactly what you're saying is you like to change and change by visiting yourself behaving differently envisioning them succeeding even without telling them would be helpful this is something that comes deeply from within the person it's not forced upon other people yeah the last thing I want to mention in the book is the other thing which I believe helps the person feel better is doing more acid doing more kindness I kind of believe it's the last step of the process is helping other people just as a funny example Jerry Lewis just died a very famous comedian just died 91 you didn't know he's still alive yeah I forgot he's a Jewish boy from from Brooklyn I forgot he has a name and everybody's morning Jerry Lewis unison and I remember hearing about Jerry Lewis when I was a kid and my grandparents yeah like Jerry Lewis Jerry Lewis was the most one of those successful comedians in history literally in history in the 50s and 60s he was he was making III ready he made 10 million dollar contract the 1950s we signed on by MGM or NBC for 10 million dollars I knew that be being sudden for like you know 400 million dollars today for a contract for anyway so what did he end up doing the last or the second half of his entire life do you know what he did the MDA telethon the Labor Day telethon I know if you're familiar this for 35 years Jerry Lewis ran a 24-hour telethon on television every year on Labor Day to raise for muscular dystrophy that became his life person and a purpose and I and I just read that he never occurred with anybody why he did it no one knew did he have somebody with muscular dystrophy in his family he called them Jerry's kids he rates literally over a billion dollars from us for this room one one Jewish man and so I realized also that he needed to perhaps balance out his tremendous success and wealth which could be empty with a lot of meaning he filled it with meaning he did this by giving giving to other people those who give there's some there's some studies there's a book called the paradox of generosity and these scientists study the habits of 40 families to see if there's a correlation between good doing good and feeling good they found out and I quote Americans who are very giving in relationships being emotionally available inhospitable are much more likely to be in excellent health 40% than those who are not - 31% so and let me quote that again Americans who donate more than ten percent of their income out of that group forty-one percent say they rarely or never experienced depression versus thirty two percent for everyone else scientifically be less depressed give gift to other people the high Bamm the also the authors also observe that doing good creates neurochemical changes quote giving people more pleasure chemistry in their brain and a sense of reward for having done something good so those who give 10% experience less depression those were in giving in their relationships experience more physical health or an excellent health and they have bought a positive reward with pleasure chemistry in their brains that's a remarkable thing so giving to others if it's a running a gimmick to each asset talking to somebody that needs you to talk to them even though you know you may be busy to give them time giving sadaqa or frequently supporting those we're doing good with your own help or volunteering and a cassette or a gimmick these are the people that experience more happiness in life despite their environment despite the feelings that may have despite the challenges in their lives they build a new future for themselves and so giving is incredible thing and if you think about it when we talked about before about self reflection or what we call hyper reflection people are depressed and anxious are reflecting on their own sadness or feelings their own obsessions giving is the exact opposite now when you become a giver right you experience what we call abundance but you know is my favorite word and you beget you become a source of light for others despite your feelings and that light overwhelms your entire being and it well overwhelms the world around you it's transformative so here are some basic acts of cassadee may consider giving more sadaqa raising money to send a child to sleepaway camp volunteering with the childhood special needs setting up singles singles up to get married finding a job for someone out of work driving people to medical appointment to the hospital as a Cassadine it's a tremendously important thing raising the money for people to get married creating a gimmick for food clothing toys furniture food and distributing these items needy families visiting someone who was sick in the hospital visiting the elderly becoming a big brother or sister an affogato LaRocca you know gagal big brother helping out a food pantry inviting guests for a meal tipping someone generously lending your expertise complimenting someone holding the door for someone listening empathetic leader and other person's problems so I suggest you each if you want to become happier and healthier individuals ask yourself a question what tests can I do today what why do today to help somebody else and watch to see how that influences your own emotional well-being an emotional being with people around you [Music] [Applause]