Building an Emotional Savings Account - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] people come to me all the time complaining that they're not that happy in their marriage they have a few children and they're very very busy at work in fact today most couples are working most people are very very busy they have jobs during the day they have jobs during the night they have jobs during the weekend and even when they're not working they're constantly on their phone and they're so busy with other things that they don't really have to be busy with and I tell couples the most important thing is they need to invest in the relationship with their spouse you know those of you know how to save if you put $1 away every day for a month you have $30 if you put $10 away every day you have $300 at the end of the month and why is saving so important because it's possible in a month or now you'll need that money to pay a bill to go on a trip maybe for medical expense so those people that know how to save money have it when they really needed during the rainy day and those people that don't know how to save money just don't have that money available as well the same thing is true in a relationship if you don't invest in a relationship you're not going to have the emotional equity when you need it with your spouse when things are going great in your marriage it doesn't seem like you need that collateral but sometimes things get difficult there's going to be stress in your jobs stress with your in-laws stress with raising your children stress in paying your bills and that's when you need to invest in the relationship with your spouse because then you can pull the collateral out just to those important moments what do people view as deposits in their emotional savings account and what do people view as withdrawals there's no question that people view deposits as things such as compliments spending quality time together listening compassionately to one another and enjoying each other's time together going out and having fun together but what do people look as withdrawals from the emotional savings account when you criticize somebody when you try to control the other person when you're not spending enough time with the other person so if you look at your marriage as an emotional savings account always ask yourself this question am i making deposits in the savings account or am i withdrawing from the savings account if you were throwing too much emotional collateral from your savings account you won't have it when you need it so the best piece of advice I can give you is constantly invest ask yourself the question what did I do to invest in that emotional savings account with my spouse today it could be simple as calling from work and asking how they're feeling it could be telling the other person that you love them it could be helping them out in the house a little more with the chores or with their children but if you're constantly investing in their relationship I promise you a healthier and happier marriage welcome to this new series in HIDA Brut called marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel shomba and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world via Skype on this important series I will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue dealing with family relationships but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on this new show