A Generation Of Spoiled Kids - Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky

hi this is D olowski and welcome to the rabbi olowski show whether you're watching with our friends over Tony time wherever you watch and listen to your podcast as always it is a thrill to have you along and don't forget to like share and subscribe assuming that that applies to any of your uh places that you're watching and uh this is sponsored and as I mentioned last time we need sponsors and they make the show go and keep it going so a special thank you to everybody who in my last appeal you know stood up and and came up to the bat to make sure that we have sponsorship so we can keep the show going and uh we're we're looking forward to reading Your sponsorship sponsored anonymously with tremendous gratitude to rowski schita that's me for making so many people's lives happy and meaningful thank you I I cannot think of uh better Epitaph than to say that uh I was able to make people's lives happy and meaningful I was asked once what do you want people to say at your Leva look he's moving but short of that making people's lives happy and meaningful would be just as good um I know it would be just as good but it would also be good I think he's actually moving would be better all right that brings us to the question answer portion of our program not really that is usual be at the end but there's one question that I decided to start the show with by y didya schaer you once gave a sheer and mentioned plant's peanuts it was one of the best sheum I ever heard could you do the same topic in a podcast um okay that's why we started with that question because you know I take requests we take requests I don't know if I've ever done this on a podcast before but if I did I'm going to do it again I know there are those of you out there who listen to every single sheer I have ever given and remember things that I don't and I had somebody come and join as a live audience at one of my podcast and at the end he said to me you didn't say one thing I haven't already heard so uh and I didn't do that because I was repeating I just don't remember I don't remember what I say I was in America recently and someone came over to me and said I was in high school when you were recruiting for ID and I still remember what you said now that had to be 30 years ago yeah he says uh during The Question Answer part somebody asked how do your boys come back from Israel and you said on a plane now I don't remember having having said this every now and then I see quotes from me that I have no recollection of my daughter was listening to a sheer and uh this person quoted me on the she she says ABA listen to this and I don't have any recollection of ever talking about this topic it was the famous gar with rpra wherea had a talid who had a lot of trouble learning and he had to repeat everything 400 times till the kid hopped it so one time he says you know okay after you know we finish learning I'm going to a Chas whatever and uh he did it the usual 400 times and the boy didn't cop it and he says what happened today he say I was nervous the whole time you were going to leave he says no problem I'm not going and he did it another 400 times and the boss called came out and said we pray that as a choice that he can become Bena or have a very long lifespan so the person who was giving the share asked okay we pray they got this BOS why didn't the boy get it the boy sat there and learned the same thing for 800 times until he hoed it why didn't he get it he says I once heard D lowski answer this question I have no recollection of ever talking about this ever yeah he says why didn't the boy get a basle and rowski said cuz the bosal didn't want to have to repeat itself 400 times oh that happens to be brilliant but I don't remember ever saying it I remember half the stuff I saying so um uh so when uh when people ask you know could you say this over again Etc it could be I talked about this on a different podcast I don't know I don't remember but uh but it could be I um we have 250 podcasts give or take you I didn't go back and relisten to all of them you know not that I wouldn't because I'm listening to my podcast is still the most enjoyable thing I can think of even for myself you know and because I have no memory I'm listening to this and I'm like oh this the first time I'm hearing this uh there is a um a best of season one and season two roles they were I don't know if they were put up directly on the website or or or we just added the link at the end of a podcast but uh I watch those and I'm just amazed of how much stuff I said that I have no recollection of saying so we're still waiting for years three four five or six so uh if you're out there you know we're we're thinking of you anyway but it's it's just absolutely amazing to to the uh body of content of like I told you I talk all the time I'm always talking just some of it some of it gets recorded one hour a week so yeah I I'll I'll talk about this I've talked about this in the past and it's a very important concept so if I've spoken about it before you know talks about the importance of K how you have to go over everything and uh to be able to remember it and [Music] um learning 100 times to 101 times the more you review it the stronger as you hold on it the for more you remember it I haven't had the rowski mug for a while so um I'm thinking maybe uh you know we don't have too many sponsorships will we start selling merch I know what you think you know everybody should have their own rowski mug in the morning when does that just look at that look at that bright cheery face if that doesn't wake you up what will anyway the topic to which the plant's peanuts appear is is the following topic and I definitely have talked about this topic many times in different forms but Brisa used to tell his TM when he would give them mus what can I expect from you what have you ever seen I once s bear come out of the bathroom and make a as Yar it changed my life forever and it's a good point what have you seen what what do we know I've told students for years now because there was a time when my students were the age of my children now my students are the age of my grandchildren and um and uh you know I said listen I feel bad for your generation cuz you were raised by my generation and my generation never grew up my parents were adults my father and mother went through the depression people who went through uh World War II they were called the greatest generation my father went out started a business with nothing had nothing had to borrow the money to to buy the business he worked Y valila and he bought a house nobody helped him with the house you know and uh he supported his family and you know he did what he had to do my mother would go to work with him and you know she would come back and she would cook supper and she would uh she would make shabas there was never never complaint I complain because you did what you had to do that's what it was and they raised Our Generation that they we should have it easier than them yeah I'm probably at the edge of the baby boomer generation I don't know exactly what comes next but uh was born in 59 close enough um my brother my oldest brother over Shalom he was born Mish 1950 yeah he was uh he was m is a boomer you know and uh when I was a little kid he used to line up the younger children to sing uh backup for him as he practiced his dwop you know so he'd be singing and we all of us little kids would be sitting there going duke duke duke duke of duke duke duke of duke duke duke which explains why I turned out the way I did cuz when other children my age to memorizing mnas I was doing Duke of duke duke duke of but uh you know we were raised with a sense of entitlement where uh my father grew up in a house where they only spoke Yiddish and in poverty and we grew up middle class um and uh Americans entitled and everything was coming to us it was a sense was a sense but we at least still had a sense of of priority right I never called one of my parents' Friends by their first names I would never think of it it was Mr this and Mrs that and miss this and doctor this and and uh you know you you spoke to people with a sense of respect uh at some point you know they came up of using your first name when they would call you and I know somebody who they called them up and said hi you know is this is this uh Steve you know and he says this is Mr so and so yes how can I help you you're my buddy you're calling me my first name know uh you you conducted yourself with a sense of there are adults and there are children when I was growing up it would never occur to a kid when their parents told them something to say no you you did what you were told you might not be happy about it you might Mumble and Grumble but you did it there was there was still a sense that there was something uh in society um you had your school clothes and your play clothes you would go to school and you'd wear a nice shirt nice pair of slacks you know and uh you didn't wear sneakers you had a pair of shoes and these were your school clothes when you came home you changed into your dungar you know and your polar shirt and you went outside to play and your your sneakers to go outside and play your kids you know and you you set aside your school clothes and you you kept them nice you there was there was a sense I'm going to school there's a way you go to school and there's a way you behave and there was a way you talk and people didn't scream people didn't run around people you know there there was a certain sense of discipline that we had even though we were brought up as spoiled brats and entitled yeah the Next Generation forget about it ev Everything was coming to them I've told this story I'm pretty sure uh my official anad will I'm sure remind me where and when but um I have a friend and he said that uh his cousin his daughter got married to a young man and he supported them he himself supported them in Israel for years well he was learning and uh he paid their rent got them you know gave them uh you know credit card for food they would go out to eat you know and clothing whatever they needed for themselves and for the children he M footed the whole bill for years finally he decided that he had enough of learning and he wanted to become a lawyer and he wanted his to pay the tuition for NYU Law School and he says to him listen I can't afford NYU uh tuition it's too much money uh but I'll pay for a state school they broke off relations they stopped they stopped talking to them wouldn't let them see their grandchildren you don't give me what I want forget it we we have nothing to do with you ever again as an Israeli fellow he said he told us this story he says uh this uh wealthy fellow came over to him and said can I borrow money he say sure but don't you have enough money he says it's all tied up in Investments he says yeah of course I I I trust you impeccably I'll lend you whatever whatever can afford I'll give you sure why he says because my daughter got married to a boy and as part of the arrangements I promised to buy an apartment but I don't have the money right now because it's all tied up investment so I'm paying their rent in a very nice apartment and I got a haa to Bon the boy is taking me to Baston to demand his apartment so I'm going to buy them an apartment right next to his parents and that's it you're done you going to take me to Baston sue me that I should buy you an apartment a sense of the sense of entitlement is frightening absolutely frightening and uh and the Next Generation forget about that don't even try to discipline them that that next generation at all just you know wild wild people and uh the gamar says if a kid's not succeeding and learning and whatever you have to be mad them kids want seder that's why I always say that teaching and acting are the same profession because if you are a teacher you have to be the same teacher every single day of school you uh you had a really bad day and you can't come in and just like say okay everybody just read your book I'm putting my head down you know you have to be teacher and even if you're very upset you can't come in and say all right quiet you little rats better be quiet I'll kill a bunch of you and if you're feeling really happier a giddy you can't come in and like do you know a little little dance you know what I mean because it'll freak the kids out they don't want to see you too happy or too sad they want to see you or too angry they want to see you as teacher every single day and today everything is is just a hefkervelt you know and people are afraid afraid of the students afraid of everybody there's a fellow I know who's uh runs a queue of Co coo someplace in Israel he told me I had a kid who was having problems he was hitting his parents he was stealing money from them he was breaking things in the house like just you know out of just smashing so he finally says look I I have no choice I'm going to call the police and you know have social services put you in a home I I I but can't deal with you and a friend of his said who was in the area he says I wouldn't do that says why we we can't handle it he says because if that kid says to the social worker my parents hit me then you'll go to jail so parents cower and fear of their children and uh every everything's broken down so um the example I give is uh I was uh walking and I tripped now let's be fair it was at night and there was a tree and the tree roots had extended into to the sidewalk and the sidewalk was misshapen and I couldn't really see it at night and I tripped and I fell and I broke my ankle and uh I was uh taken to the uh emergency room and they called my my father you know and the doctor said to me stupid kid why don't you watch where you're going and my father comes and says stupid kid why don't you watch where you're going now this could have happened in front of somebody's store and the storekeeper would have come out and said stupid kid why don't you watch where you're going and that was considered you didn't watch where you're going you tripped it's your fault so uh the the moral of the story is next time you'll watch where you're going you'll be more careful today I'll sue the shopkeeper I sue the homeowner who didn't take care of the sidewalk I'll sue this one I'll sue that one because it can't be it's my fault can't be it's my fault they have no fault insurance no fault insurance is no matter what happens it's not my fault because being an adult means taking responsibility AAS that's what it means to be an adult I take AAS I am responsible and uh that's why I point out Ronald Reagan was an ad adult yeah when the suicide bomber blew up uh the barracks and Lebanon of the American troops and over 200 servicemen were killed he got on television and he said I'm the commander-in-chief and nobody else to blame but me you point your fingers at me I'm the one who's responsible when uh Bill Clinton lied under oath right it's a felony he was disbarred uh the the the bar association kicked him out as a lawyer because he uh because he lied under oath you're not allowed to be a lawyer or as Jackie M put it he's such a liar he can't even be a lawyer um his defense was it's not my fault that I lied they shouldn't have asked me the question oh okay now I understand it's not you have faulted your L you had no choice they asked you a question I wouldn't have lied if they didn't ask me the question because that generation does not assume any responsibility nothing is my fault nobody wants to take responsibility no one wants to be a grownup I used to teach in a seminary and sometimes the mothers would come and uh sit in class with their daughters and not everyone but very often they would come in they were wearing a fall and a baseball cap and jean skirt you know sneakers and push down socks chewing gum I don't let gum chewing in my class but can't really discipline the parents and uh you didn't know who was the teenager and who was the adult you like don't you have to grow up at some point don't you have to become a an adult it's not even a value today it's not even a value to be an adult Tom Hanks who has been at this point in about 450,000 movies yeah it's a it's a contest between him and Nicholas Cage who can be in more movies you know so he was at the beginning of his career he was in a movie called big where he's a 13-year-old boy and uh he makes a wish that he' become big and he becomes a 30-year-old man and of course he's a he's a child in a man's body and that's what the basis of the of the humor is based on and um uh similar to Freaky Friday I guess where people switch places parents and children but anyway so I I remember reading an oped piece in the New York Times by a woman who wrote she says I was watching this film with uh you know uh I was on a date with a guy and uh at one point he says to the girl who thinks that he's a regular adult he says I'm I'm only a 13-year-old boy says and every man in the audience started laughing hysterically says because at the end they all think that they're little boys nobody wants to be the grown-up nobody wants to take responsibility have you ever been in a home where everybody's whining mom I can't find my shoes well I don't know where you put it why don't you look for them I don't know where to look I ask your father I didn't see the shoes how am I supposed to know where they are oh we going to find the shoes I'm not going to be able to go to school and you're just waiting for an adult to come in and slap everybody like grow up take responsibility H I can't make shabas it's too hard we can't make pesak let's go away I can't handle these kids I can't deal with this I can't manage this everything is too hard why why do I have to do it why is it my responsibility why do I have to take care of this noone's whining have to have an adult stand up and take responsibility so when I was a mash in Yeshiva during a particularly dark period of my life you know um but vidillo when he became a mashk he said I knew I would be the door man I didn't know I'd be the door mat you know anyway there was this one boy it was mostly guys who came right out of high school but this particular fellow had spent a year in college and therefore he was much more mature than everybody else I know because he kept telling me all the time how he was so much more mature than everybody else and uh and one point I just said to him you know ding starts at 7:15 you don't get out of bed till 11: sometimes 12 so why do you think you're so mature maturity means take responsibility and without missing a beat he said maybe you should be asking yourself why you can't motivate me to get out of bed because ultimately this is your failure Rabbi and I was stunned how he could just instead of stopping and looking and saying gee maybe there's a problem with me right I have a nephew he was in Yeshiva I don't want to give more information than that but uh he would very often miss nights later and the Mas asked where are you and he would say well I'm going to have uh dinner with my uh aunt and uncle cuz I'm homesick and it's very tough for me of course he was never here he went out with his friends he did whatever he wanted to do but we were a convenient excuse but if you're going to use people as an excuse and you're going to have them as an alibi you better cue them in so they know how to how to tell the story you know so um uh so I wasn't here one time the mash calls my wife now having been a mashah I know I know how these how these tricks work but my wife doesn't she's a very honest a good person I'm not Opposites Attract the mash says you know your nephew is learning by us he goes yeah I know goes I'm afraid that he's homesick says well I I I wasn't aware of that goes yeah uh maybe you should invite him over like not just for like a shop but like you know just for dinner during the week or something says sure I'd be happy to he goes does does he ever come by cuz I feel like he needs to does he ever come by during the week he goes no not really he's never come by for supper he goes he wasn't by you last night he goes no I haven't seen him in a long time he goes oh okay so the next day he goes over to him and says so where were you last night say I told you I went to my aunt and uncle goes yeah I called your aunt and she said uh you weren't there and he he's telling me over the story he goes oh my gosh I'm busted so listen what he does he says what you called my aunt oh my gosh why did you do that now you hurt the relationship this is the only people I have in Israel I got to look at them now oh my gosh why would you do this to me why didn't you just ask me if I was lying I would tell you I was lying oh no what am I going to know by the end he was apologizing to him absolutely brilliant absolutely brilliant so uh but but that's what happens is that people you know it's not my fault it's your fault for not calling me out that I was lying you know there's a there were the geffin brothers who ran the hardware store here in harno for many years and uh he said every now and then you know these uh ha boys would uh like we had things on the counter you know so they would run in grab something and run out so someone stole something I don't remember what it was a flashlight or something but we have security cameras so I see the camera and I get a picture of the kid I don't know who it is and I send it around to all thead and I said does anyone know who this kid is because he came into my store and stole okay so sure enough one of the kadim recognized it and uh sent it out and uh contacted the pH father and fine the father comes into the hardware store and starts screaming at them says you embarrass my kid says he stole from me all kids steal what's the big deal you can't afford a flashlight wow one of my brothers once stole a package of rubber bands from the five and dime my father gave him a beating in front of the owner stealing here he's yelling at them why are you getting said of my kid for stealing what' you have to make an issue of it for now he's embarrassed after R Fel retired from the Hebrew Academy of Nassar County Rabbi godman became the dean and he asked me the following question listen to this question he says uh this kid was 17 years old and his father bought him a new car and a week later he smashed it up smashed into a tree total the car so he bought him another car and he was with another boy from school and they were going to a hockey game and they were late and he ran through a crosswalk and hit a lady and the other boy said you hit that lady cuz I know but we're late had they stopped and called an ambulance and gotten her medical treatment she would have lived as it is she died they went to the hockey game then they go out to see a movie and the whole time this other kid is shaking and shaking I can't believe it you hit somebody and just go on you know they get home that night this kid didn't say anything but the friend was shaking like a leaf and the parents say what's the matter told them what happened they called the police they they found the woman dead they arrested the kid and uh he comes back to school gets out on bail comes back to school one of the b b say you know listen sometimes you have to fall all the way down in order to get yourself back up and you know and you have to rebu he told his father his father came in and demanded the Reby be fired how dare you suggest my son did anything wrong it was an accident that's why it's called an accident he didn't have any intention so rman says to me I know a judge I might be able to get the charges dropped should I do it I said how many people does he have to kill before he faces the consequences of his actions you killed somebody if you kill somebody bog you have to go to You're mlot because you can't just go back and say oh it was an accident listen accidents happened you know there has to be consequences you killed somebody and the only thing the parents were worried about is that nobody should even suggest that he did anything wrong I was Mash Yesa and uh we had a sister school and there was a boy in the sister school who came from one of the important families in that Yeshiva and like I say we were we were somewhat related to schools and the boy got thrown out and uh so the the miva made a deal that if he'll come to us for like a month and do hard time he could come back but at the time I had veto over who could be accepted into the Yeshiva so I here with the boy said I said what happened he says the Yeshiva announced a number of times that if you go to a lot after Yer during you know benim you'll be thrown out of Yeshua and I remember you [Music] know mashash spoke just before on yipper and reminded everyone you're not allowed to go to uh to aot I actually thought of not going but I already bought the tickets you know so I went and I got caught so I said okay what do you want to come here for I said you should go to Yeshiva X he said well I don't want to go there it's a bum place I said that's cuz you're a bum so you should go to a bum Yeshiva because you have no moral compass whatsoever there's no reason for you to come here we have a bunch of brighty bushy tailed you know um you know kids who are trying to grow in they have no whatsoever you know so I said from my point of view you don't belong here at all so the parents pulled in all of their influence and they put a lot of pressure on the Riva and he said to me I have to overrule you we have to take this kid I said okay and the mother called me up and said listen I hope there's no hard feelings I said not from my point of view I'm not going to talk to your kid the entire time he's here as far as I'm concerned he's not in my Yeshiva you know he says I just want to make sure you don't give him a hard time I said oh I won't give him any time I just I really feel bad for him because he has such terrible parents and the mother was like what are you talking about I said how long are you going to be able to run black for this kid eventually he's going to do something where your influence doesn't help and he's going to have to face the consequence of his actions and it's your fault that you didn't allow him to fall down when he was little so before it became more serious he's going to end up in a situation that you're not going to be able to bail him out of and then what are you going to do yeah just leave my kid alone no problem he did his time you know month no problem he goes back to V Yesa and we get a calla came over to me and says could you take him back I said I didn't take him in the first place why what happened he says he went back to the Yeshiva and Friday night he got a whole bunch of people drunk and they all slept through shabas and the Yeshiva says he has to leave I said oh why isn't their parents call up and use their influence and keep them in you know I said cuz you just go from bad to worse if you never take responsibility at some point you have to do it so um there's an award that's given out every year based on the lady from McDonald's this woman bought a coffee in McDonald's and was driving and was holding it in between her thighs and at some point she spilled and burnt her leg who givs a cup of coffee between their legs exactly and Spilled it burnt it she crashed and she sued McDonald's and she one because they sold me a hot cup of coffee and that's why now almost any place in America where you go it's written on the cup caution contents may be hot uh duh so this was considered so outrageous that they started giving out Awards to the stupidest examples of this I don't remember all of them I remember some of them um a guy was driving his winnabago and he put it in cruise control which in his mind meant it was on automatic pilot of course it's not and then he went in the back to get a drink and of course it veered off the road and it crashed and he sued Winnebago because nowhere does it say in the manual that you have to continue to drive the car when it's in or when it's on uh cruise control and he got a new Winnebago and uh now it says You must continue to drive the car and that's why it's written on a Superman Hall Halloween costume caution does not allow where to fly and that's why it's a sign on a power saw caution do not cut wood on your lap and that's why it says on a blow dryer do not use underwater cuz you'll nobody told me and my favorite example is Planter's Peanuts Planter's Peanuts is called plant's peanuts because it's peanuts the jar is shaped like a peanut the mascot is Mr Peanut who is an actual peanut with a top head and a monacle and on the side of the jar it writes caution may contain peanuts because it's not my fault how did I know peanuts in there it didn't it's called plant's peanuts and therefore the attitude is I cannot be held responsible it's not my fault and there we never are expected to face the consequences of our poor decisions and the poor decisions just go from worse to worse and everyone pays the price and that's why the are these uh Soros backed Das who come in with an attitude of letting criminals out and you have people who've committed crimes 30 and 40 and 50 times who go out and just no no no B no this just keep doing it over and over again why shouldn't they know if anyone's ever seen those uh videos of like 80 people just attack a 7-Eleven and just trash the whole place and steal everything and you know what are you supposed to do how do you stop them like a like a swarm of locust descends on a field and and eats everything and just destroys everything and that's why the last mishna and sa which describes what's going to be mashia is the young will have no respect for the old uh nobody will have respect for toyra um children won't respect their parents uh everything will just fall apart and it all comes down from one thing no one wants to assume responsibility yeah it's not my fault not my fault uh I heard somebody speak about the this I'm pretty sure I've mentioned in the past I heard somebody speaking about the uh various social issues that the from Publications like to write about each week along with the disease of the week my wife keeps making me uh doctor appointments every time another issue comes out with whatever the L's disease is you know so uh um so they whatever the problem is and uh this one uh this one uh social worker said none of these things are new they were always there there was always alcoholism there was always abuse there was all these things there's only one phenomena that's new and that's young couples who get divorced in the first two years that's become a brand new phenomena this never happened and I've spoken to some of these couples and they all say the same thing they all say the same thing okay he's crazy she's crazy okay that goes without saying he's abusive she's abusive okay that that goes without say but they have another line that they all use I don't have to take this I don't have to put up with this you know I had plenty of people wanted to go out with me what do I I I don't have to be treated this way because everybody was raised to think that you're the center of the universe and then you two centers of the universe Collide there will be collateral damage that's what happens if I'm the most important person in the world you're the most important person in the world that's what ends up happening it's all about me and then when you have that philosophy and no one's willing to take responsibility and no one's willing to care I'll end with an upbeat story I don't remember where the story is from I heard it many years ago um this guy gets get married to his wife and he gives her as a ring his mother's mother's engagement ring mother gave it to him to give to her it's a mother's mother's engagement ring very old ring and uh it was family arloom and this daughter-in-law had a strained relation with her mother-in-law it happens from time to time and we she did the best she could I'm sure everybody did the best they could but it was a strained relationship and uh at some point they want a on P and she loses her ring they search high and low they can't find the ring well when he tells her mother her mother goes becomes very upset yeah and the daughter becomes very defensive and it's m at the breaking point M at the breaking point doesn't know what to do they're they won't even talk to each other they're so angry at each other now in certain circles a boy gets married he wears a capot I asked this once to one of these boys I said you know this is for Shiva he goes it's like a woman wears a wedding dress he says we get a cap it's not it's not meant to be like fora you know what you wear and there are people who wear it on theum so sukus he's putting on his capot he reaches into his pocket and he sees his wife's ring says You must have given it to me to hold on to and I left it him like K she goes I can't believe it this whole like is only because of you and my mother-in-law says you see you're blaming me it's your it's your idiot son who did this you know I me he goes he's such a draup you know two of them finally bonded over complaining about him that's the one thing and the mother and the and the children you know had in common I remember when my parents and my in-laws met for the first time they were able to bond over who was more disappointed than me well okay anyway for years this was a running joke in the family i k he's he's such a such a drup you know remembers and that you know and that and it went off 20 years he was taking this abuse you know he would just smile you know at some point she decided she get only older now it's 20 years you know maybe by then they would been married for 25 years who knows d decides to have her jewelry um insured she brings it down to this very very old Jeweler that had worked in the family for many years and uh brings a jewelry he's looking at the engagement ringer says what's this he well this is the engagement ring that my mother-in-law gave me he says no it's not says I saw that ring when your mother-in-law had it I had ured it for her this is a different ring say what he says it's a copy it's a good copy but this is not the same ring I mean I'm sure it's also worth uh worth something we'll evaluate it you know the stone Etc it turns out that the husband went out and made a duplicate of the ring and pretended that he had left it in his jacket and for 20 years he let his mother and wife abuse him for the sake of Shalom to take AAS because someone has to step in here and solve this problem and I will be it I mentioned last week my friend Hammer who was n and uh he was a man of a he would take responsibility you know and it turned out that there was a kadisha that had plots and cemeteries and things that they managed that was uh called Young Israel but was independent at the time he was the head of Council of Young Israel he was the executive director whatever he was running and they came to him and asked him if he would take this on and he says you want to incorporate into Young Israel he says no I'm afraid that if a National Organization gets a hold of it they won't manage it properly and the funds will be used and this is a Karen that's been set up and to bury these people and take care of them we want you to take care of it not going to give you any money just we trust you you seem like an honest guy and he took this on he ran the whole thing and at some point National Council found out about it and they started pressuring him to turn it over to them and he said no I was asked to keep this separate I'm going to take care of it he did this on his own and whenever a situation would pop up you know it was Barry who would jump in and deal with whatever the situation is it's called an adult it's a throwback well taking responsibility going and so uh if we want to get out of this gullis remember we built an agel it was a little tiny CF because we didn't believe that we could face a on our own and we listen to the morum who said it's too hard for us to do artshell and at some point we as a people just have to grow up and that's the answer to the first question and now we come to the official question and answer portion of our program and the question and answer this week is sponsored in honor of my wonderful wife Shira on the occasion of an anniversary number higher than I can count Ellie is that beautiful and uh sponsorship for the rowski show is always the perfect gift when you say what am I going to get you for the anniversary you know an appliance a piece of jewelry you know take you out for dinner no sponsor toyra that will be M people all over what could be better if the sponsorship in entitles me to a question how should women honor their husband no it doesn't entitle you to a question but thank you very much for sponsor nonetheless I'll be happy to answer this how should a wife honor her husband I think this is great I think it's great what better anniversary present than telling your wife how to honor you well I I ended the podcast uh portion of the program with a story about how husbands have to honor their wife yeah so there's a mitzvah for a wife to um to uh to be her husband and how do you do that I remember hearing with lastre uh speaking once in a she if you're not familiar with Vasser he's a Israeli who um is very funny does a lot of routines has a lot of he's like me only he's not as funny and he has too much but anyway so he said once when it comes down to a husband it means one thing covod a husband needs covod when I growing up there were a whole bunch of television shows like Father Knows Best Make Room for Daddy you know um all these kind of shows where the father was smart and intelligent and capable and the wife was smart and capable and the children all honored their parents and this was the way it went but the wife of course recognized that the husband was the husband you know here don't you think you should end it yes and then at some point we entered entered into this era where every ABA is uh the butt of the joke and uh and uh they they aren't being taken seriously and everybody's laughing at them behind their backs this was best Illustrated me once by one of my kids when I was complaining about I don't know something of how the kids were treating me or whatever it was you know and my kids there's a word in Hebrew it's called it's like NE you know what I mean and they said ABA don't be you sound like the barenstein bear ABA and it hit me that's the barenstein Bears mama is uncharge and she's responsible she's this and and uh papa is the butt of all the jokes you know when when the children are being disciplined for eating too much drunk food so is he when there's something going on you know they're procrastinating so is he whatever the thing is that he's one of the kids you know and and the strong female protagonist is there to uh to um to give it over but but the fact where everybody is strong and everybody is you know working together you don't have that anymore and so when a wife mocks her husband at the shabas table in front of company or in front of the children besides the fact that you're destroying the entire Dynamic of the family you understand and the kids will not take AB seriously and people will not laugh at him and and that he loses his covet which is the most important thing and so when you say how is a wife M her husband she is M her husband by giving him covet and when you don't find that then you have in Jewish history ases korak you know who makes her husband feel bad makes him feel small instead of building him up and making him feel like he's somebody and so uh you know I remember this wife telling me I asked my husband to learn gamar with the boys and he doesn't really want to I don't know if he really can so I learn with them but they say to me it's not the same no it's not the same the children should learn with their ABA their ABA should have so it was a story with a NV where this guy is complaining and he says I get no respect in my home my my wife doesn't respect my kids don't respect me what should I do says start learning nights Sater he says no no but I have a problem in my house listen to me go out and and just learn nightsat don't say anything to anybody don't argue with anything six some much lat he comes back and says it's a different home my kids respect me why wife respects me but uh but when a person is M you know and make sure that the children of M the father and and and the father it's the best gift you can give it's it's for your husband between me and you it's for you it's for your children you know it it mamish is the part of the Bedrock of what makes a Torah home okay next question by Anonymous is music a gsh pleasure or can it also be Rus is um the zes says that the sh Nagina are next to the Shar Chua nag right music I think it's the G says is nun Gan it's the 50 levels that bring you up to Gan Aiden that's what music is and music you know how music works it's an octave what do I need do again for because it comes around on a higher level you go through all seven notes and then you start again on a higher level that's an octave and it it's like time itself like we have a week and then the next week is carrying on from the week before the kadou of that that shabas and moving you up and music has that power I'm pretty sure I told this story in the past um uh I was teaching the when I was uh when I was teaching and uh and I decided to you know of course go over the niggan for night of rashash I heard I don't know what the makor is but I heard that the niggan that we sing R night goes back to the Bas of mkes that's what I heard I don't know if it's true or not but uh I'm not pone I say over whatever I hear yeah and I said you know and we start we sh the night [Music] and all the boys joined [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] in and I had to stop teaching I was shaking I was I was literally shaking and I said okay we'll stop here and I went to the office and one of the other bam looked at me and I said what's the matter I told him what happened he says no that's the I think the mosha I think it was the M he says that the Nim that we sing and by themselves have the power to be Chua and that's what Thea means when he says the sh Nino next to the sh Chua the music itself is a transcendental experience it speaks to something very deep inside of you that was the reason that used to say don't listen to G music because since it was made from a bad place it'll go into shama because that's the power of music um anyone who tells you not to listen to Goa music they're basing themselves on PR but um uh but the the idea that you know it has that power to lift you up and to and to transform you that's what music does you know the nvim used to have minstrels who traveled with them because you can only get a nvua if you were happy if you weren't happy you would play music and the music would lift you back up so yeah I would say it's a spiritual pleasure by Anonymous how did people know when Zim were before the invention ofum charts how did they know when PL or Al is the answer is they guesstimated it uh they use the Sun and they would look at the Sun and they would know based on where the sun was more or less where they was and it's possible to make a mistake that's the mishna inim where they talk about how soon you have to stop eating ketz because you might make a mistake between 12 and 11 11 and 10 cloudy day you you might not be able to see the sun you can see where the Sun is setting where the Sun is going um the Mish of describes when can you start saying kishma uh when you can tell the difference between blue and white or between blue and green why well that means that there's enough light that you can differentiate it says because they had tius withis so they would hold up the tius and they could tell which was the string then it was time to say kishma others say no they had to hold the string over the grass and see if they could tell the difference between the blue and the and the green um but uh shakar I was once with a RV who was into astronomy and we were coming back it was pretty late and he says you seeing the distance over there on the horizon it was middle of the night you know it's pit FL says you see that little red line on the that little pink line at the end say that's called you could look and you could see where the light is starting to come back in and uh that's why they would give you a Shear how do you know what time it is when you can see three stars not small Stars not big stars medium stars you know means they would go out and check for the Stars that's how they knew um and they would wait and watch Till The Sun disappeared so that was it so this s kishma being at uh you know 921 that they didn't have they could just approximate based on where the sun was what's the third hour the fourth hour and based upon that they would uh they would make you know their time decisions so uh yeah it was not an exact definitely not an exact science they did the best best that they could with what they had you know the other ways of telling time they had U sand sand clocks they had water clocks they had candles that they would have put notches on and light them and see you know where they burnt down to they had Sund dials you know but that's just another way of telling the time from the Sun you know to be able to see it and uh um again on a cloudy day it's says on cloudy day you can make mistakes so you have to be more careful because of that you know and uh you have toh do it so they they they worked with the tools that they had and that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website ri.com you can listen to other shum you can uh read articles download the uh theme song you could sponsor an episode sponsor a question and answer sponsor Paran five you can um uh you could uh sign up for one of our online shurm leave a comment ask a question and that's it until next time I am d rovski and this has been the re olski show it's the rabbi orski show Torah and Sim ready to go the rabbi orlovski show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme no we don't it's the rabbi orlovski show on rabbi orlovsky docomo anytime you two and more it's Rabbi orlovski show Torah and S ready to go it's the rabbi orlovski show till next time till we meet again the rabbi orlovski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi orski show