Healthy Shame

Perek Chof Beis, page kuf tes zayin the last paragraph. Unbelievable. >> [snorts] >> Um So the the next paragraph is based on a possuk. I think in parshas Eikev. And the possuk says in the very end of the parsha, the possuk says Not because you are so many did Hashem have a desire does Hashem have a desire for you. Ki atem ham at mikol ha'amim, because you're the smallest among the nations. Imagine that's in Chumash. Hashem says I don't love you because there's so many of you. Because actually you're the smallest among the nations. So Chazal darshon Ki atem ham at mikol ha'amim is that you make yourself small. Ki atem ham me matim atzmichem, you make yourself small, that despite all the greatness that I shower upon you, it doesn't affect anything. You know like the type that like imagine you have a classmate that um suddenly is super super successful. You know, he he has this he starts a company, a startup, you know, he gets involved in AI, whatever it is. And before you turn around, you look online, the guy's worth a hundred million dollars. Nice, right? You meet this guy at a yeshiva dinner or something. You're a little nervous to say hi to him, you know, this guy just became one of the you know, the big guys. And you walk over to him, and nothing. It's like nothing changed. He's the same person, the same humble person. He's as interested in your life as you are in his. He inquires how you doing, how's your family. He remembers things going on in your life, and he leans into them. That's super impressive, right? It's super super super impressive when that happens, you know? You know, sometimes you find the opposite that as soon as people get a certain amount of gedulah, suddenly they're harder to harder to talk to. Could be when they become wealthy, that's the easiest example. If some somebody suddenly becomes wealthy, they don't have time for people like us, you know? And sometimes it could be from a position standpoint, you know? You know, like suddenly, you know, you know, in the world that I live in, in the world of Yeshiva, so like suddenly one of the Rabbanim becomes the Rosh Yeshiva, you know, the Rosh Yeshiva, let's say Mir Yeshiva should Yairich Yamim al Mamlakha that he should be here for many years. And let's say I happen to know a couple of years ago that a very very very big famous Yeshiva was was was was having a conversation with our Rosh Yeshiva, let's say. Okay? Apparently, Baruch Hashem, nothing came of it. But so then they would decide, okay, so pick a Rebbi, you know, becomes the Rosh Yeshiva, okay? Now the other Rabbanim, think about the other Rabbanim, they sit down with this Rebbi. Now he's the Rosh Yeshiva. Did something change? That's the beauty. Some people have a middah, it's not the pshat that they they're very high people, but they're still nice. Sometimes you have people that nothing changes. If anything, they become more humble. You know, they just become more humble. There's no airs about them at all. It's an incredible middah. It's an incredible middah. You know, someone becomes the president, someone becomes appointed to government, someone becomes a CEO of a company, you know? Tim Cook resigns steps down from being Apple CEO, somebody else steps up and takes his place. That guy, you know, you know, suddenly moves to the Mizrahi shul, you know? You know, suddenly all the yeshivas are calling him. How does he act? Is he the same guy or does something change? And this Klal Yisrael is is praised that by leaders of Klal Yisrael, the greater they become, the more humble they become. And if you've known true leaders in Klal Yisrael, you know that that this is indeed the case. But listen to this. Hazal say further, it's not because you are more than all the nations. Hashem says to Klal Yisrael, my sons. You know he's going to say something loving when he starts over with banai, right? My sons. I need to I have a desire for you. Now let me make it. You imagine that a couple of years ago a guy came over to me. I said, you say you always talk about that Hashem loves us. I want to just tell you it doesn't say in one place in the Torah that Hashem loves us. This is what the guy told me. You imagine? I told the guy Hashem loves us. Hashem loves us. Hashem loves us. Hello. Hashem has a desire for us. Hashem loves us. Hashem wants us. We say it by kiddush. I get choked up sometimes. Every Friday night. Every Friday night. Think about it. Tomorrow night. Hashem was with his Hashem wanted us. Is there anything more intimate than that to say about Hashem? Intimate than that to say about Hashem? Hashem when he wanted us. Amazing Sham wants us. Look at these words. My sons. I have a desire for you. I shall say you know what gives me an extra to be close to you. Because even when I rain greatness upon you, I bring greatness upon you. You make yourself small in front of me and listen to these epic examples that the that the bring. No sat to do a problem. I gave greatness to a problem of you know. I don't know if you know it's all. You're the beginning of a new nation. Okay. You're the beginning of a new nation. You are. The beginning of not just any new nation. I don't know if you know it's not the George Washington of Israel Shalom. I don't know if you know it's the of a nation that the entire world was created for. That's going to bring about Messiah. That's going to exist a young man. I don't know if I was a problem of you know I feel feel pretty good about myself. What is a problem of you know himself say? I might he says that I know he offer a fair. I am dust and ashes. When he's talking to a sham and diving to a sham he says a sham there's no reason you would want to listen to me. I'm nothing. I'm nobody. But still please listen to my feel and save the people of Sodom. I know he offer a fair. Did I did I run really believe that? Apparently I don't think I have a problem of you know it's playing games when he spoke to a sham. Apparently I have a problem of you know really believed that he was offer a fair. Did I have a problem of you know he was a great man? He must have known he was a great man. Nobody ever accused of stupidity. He must have known he was a great man and yet he said this when you're standing in front of Baruch. And every meter that you have came from Baruch And who is greater than our minds could possibly comprehend. The appropriate feeling is forever. It's not a low self-esteem feeling. It's just an honest feeling of looking at yourself in contrast with the that you're talking to. Let's move on. Another generation, another time in history. A few generations later No good to Aaron. I gave greatness to Aaron. Aaron Their their their leadership was questioned in the midbar. It was a year by the name of Aaron. Who gathered two other by the names of Aaron Who gathered together hundreds of other men. people I think and and and and they gathered people together to make cool to rebel against Aaron. And the the lotion that they used when they rebelled against Aaron is who do you think you are that you think you're better than us? He called all the nation. Every all Jews are holy. Why are you lifting yourself up over with on the nation, okay? Why are you over the nation? Aaron They did not accept leadership because because they were yearning for Ga'avah what to be be dominating over other people. Moshe Rabbeinu would have been happy being a shepherd for the rest of his life. It wasn't he wasn't here to dominate over other people. He was here to do Hashem's shlichus. be an even nem on Moshe Rabbeinu is b'chol beisi ne'eman who is Hashem's trusted servant. And Moshe Rabbeinu did not become a leader of Yisrael because he thought he was better than everyone. He became a leader of Klal Yisrael because Hashem told him to. So when they when they when Moshe and Aaron responded to the criticism on them they said "V'nachnu mah?" And us, what are we? Lo aleinu lunasechem. Your complaint is not on us. Ki al Hashem, your complaint is on Hashem. This is not about us. V'nachnu mah? What are we? So that's what it says. I gave gedulah to Moshe and Aaron, amru they said "V'nachnu mah?" Okay, we go to another generation, another era in Jewish history, the days of David Hamelech. David Hamelech, the David that was a young shepherd with seven older brothers who were each one gedolim in their own right. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu said that David should be the one who's nimshach to be the first Melech Yisrael from Shevet Yehudah to start the the dynasty of Mashiach ben David. David Melech Yisrael Chay V'Kayam, the great warrior who took down Golyas and took down all of the enemies of Klal Yisrael. The one who wrote Sefer Tehillim. Can you imagine the author of Tehillim? What's the first thing we do when anything goes wrong in our lives? We reach for the Tehillim. David wrote Tehillim. You think he had a right to feel good about himself? I think he could have felt good about himself. I think he could have sat here and felt like, "I'm a little better than you guys." No sati gedula le-David, I gave greatness to David ha-Melech. Omar, he said, the anochi telas and I am a worm. Velayish, I'm not a chashuve person. >> [cough] >> He calls them im mashe'ein ha-lev ha-yashar. All of this comes from the fact that a straight heart, a clear-thinking person, is not me-niach atzmo, does not allow himself le-hispates to become seduced mi-shum ma'ala she-yeish bo ve-eilo. Don't be seduced by your good middos. Don't be seduced by what you do better than other people. Hashem has been good to you. It's not a reason to walk around feeling like we're better than other people. That's the um that's the message that we've learned. Be-yodai, because he knows be-emes with truth, she-kvar lo mipnei zeh yoitzei mi-dei shiflusai. This alone will not help him go out of his lowliness. We know we have so much that we need to improve in our lives. He im mitzad ha-chaseronus ha-acheirim, um what about all our other chaseronus? Maybe I'm better than you in one thing, but in other areas I have so much to learn from you. She-yeifsha she-liyu ba, it's impossible that there wouldn't be other chaseronus. Ve-oich cha ba-oisam mitzvos atzman she-he'isik. Even the good deeds that you did, the mitzvos that you did, the Torah you learned, you did them perfectly? Really? You're ready to say in front of the world, "I I'm the great fulfiller of mitzvos"? Lo higia avadai le-tachlis ha-avodah. hasn't gotten to the final goal. But not only that, even if only you had one kisser and even if only you had one kisser and you are a human being. That's enough to say, "Okay, human beings are great because I should make us great, not because we're great." Flesh and blood born from a woman. This is enough and more to kiss us and greet us to appreciate our loneliness, our limitations. It's not appropriate for us to be by the giver. Do you have my love? Of course you have my love. Do you have my love? Huge my love. This is not to say that a person doesn't have my love. This is not to say that a person doesn't have very powerful parts to them, but we have to give credit where credit is due. Every my love that a person achieves I know I love you so much Kale Allah. It's the kiss of our sham on him. I can just go and graciously grant you if I use my heart to give my love even if from my physicality and my nature I'm not a giving person or I'm not a loving person or I'm not a holy person, but I can just go and so good to me and I can just go and inspire me and brought me to be able to perhaps taste or have some sense of some good me does. How can anyone yell at the highest? Therefore, you know how we should react to this? We should react by making a suit of cider. We should thank Hashem. Turn on the music. Finally. Let me shake a no no eat to the one who gave him all those meters. If you learned your good meters from your parents, you thank Hashem for your parents. If you learned your good meters from your friends, you thank Hashem for those people. You You recognize that without Hashem's help, you would not have gotten there. All the mazel timer. I'm sorry. How can anyone yell at the highest? Let me shake a no no eat to the one who gave him all those meters. And to even feel greater Hashem, greater humility in front of Hashem who's given you so much. You know the feeling sometimes that you can get from someone so much that you probably feel ashamed from that person. How do we stand in front of Hashem? Hashem gave us everything. What shame. It's very holy shame. It's not negative shame. It's not shame that your therapist will say, "Shame is bad." It's the sense of humility. I owe everything to Hashem. All the mazel timer, what is this like? The only way you would It's like a poor person that gets a poor person that gets a ton of I just gave that much. She actually It's impossible that he wouldn't feel a certain bush. He call Marshall my cousin She covered as well. The more Hashem he receives, the more he has shame. The more humiliation, the more bush he feels. The same thing is true with any person She ain't no his eyes are open. Yeah, you have to have open eyes. And then you can thank Hashem for that, too. Lira is his actual to be able to see himself. The he massive The Hashem is achieving great my how can I return to Hashem how can I respond to Hashem all of the his to me and that's the way we walk out we don't walk out from learning about another without our shoulders droop and feel like We walk out with our head held high grateful to Hashem for the rich that he has given us.