Have Huge Homes

The Sugya, the Sugyas that we're handling, the Sugya that I'm handling, that that we've been handling at this at this at this gathering, we're learning the parashas of Torah. And to me, the iker Sugya, I want you to hear this message. I want you all to sit for a minute. The Sugyas you're putting text here whole right after. The Sugya that we're handling is the Sugya of brotherhood, of brothers being together. It's tremendous part of the Sugya of going to Mitzrayim. We went to Mitzrayim, Yisrael was rejected, was sent, was sold, and the brothers their unification, the coming together of the brothers, Ani Yosef, a shame among and the unification of the brothers happens in Mitzrayim through Mitzrayim and the process of Mitzrayim. Part of the growth of our people is our people coming more together. And we've been handling a lot brotherhood connection relationship, people bonding. I want to talk for a few minutes about bonding. I want to share something about bonding that's important to me on the Sugyas of brotherhood, of connection. I wanted to Everything's in the Torah. I'm I'm coming from one place, you can't come from many places. But the Sugyas we're talking about our connection, relationship, brothers seeing each other, brothers noticing. We discussed how Yisrael wasn't seen, and we asked, "How didn't the brothers see Yisrael?" And I expressed that it was a little bit of a mida connected mida. When he was with them, they didn't see his side. They didn't see his kedusha. And then eureka, they don't notice it's him. They didn't see their brother. They didn't understand him. They didn't appreciate his his light. And then Hashem took away the side of their brother all together. So the Sugyas of seeing your brother, noticing your brother. I love discovering guys in Yeshiva. Discover a guy is you could see everybody. I promise every guy here and every one of our people has a light that's crazy, that's nuts. Every once while you get a glimpse, you get like I've said this story in Yeshiva. There was a guy in Yeshiva very, very private here. He He went through a very difficult life. We had a rabbit that lived on our campus for a long time. And early in the morning, I once I'm not usually here very early in the morning. I once was here pretty early and behind the dining room, I was on a phone call and I'm standing behind the dining room and I caught this guy feeding the rabbit. It was the biggest rabbit I ever saw in my life. Who here remembers the rabbit? Who here saw Rabbi saw the rabbit? Anybody else ever saw the rabbit? Who was that? It was huge. This bocher would was was behind the dorm, behind the dining room and he was feeding into the rabbit's mouth cut up apples and was feeding the rabbit and he told me that he does it every day and he told me that usually he said he tried feeding him carrots, but he likes apples better. Every day he'd feed it. I was like crazy moved. He wasn't trying that anybody should catch him. If you want to do anything here that nobody's going to catch you and you do it around 6:00 7:00, it's after the night shift has gone to sleep and before the morning shift arrives. He had like the perfect time. He was feeding the rabbit. I was very, very moved by a person, sensitive neshama, who like cared daily he was feeding the rabbit. And even he found the rabbit's favorite food. Carrots not as much, apples better. I was very moved. Now, people have a light from one end, we don't always see the light and neshama is a big thing. It's a crazy. Our own neshamas when we access little pieces, you understand? Our neshamas are a big, big, powerful light that we can access more and more of our own souls. Learning to see each other, to notice each other, to notice our light, to notice others light, these are the suggas of brotherhood. I want to share an aspect of brotherhoods. Two of all the shvatim, there's a unity. There are two of the shvatim that are singled out in parshas Vayechi that they are brothers. They're a pair. And the two brothers are Shimon and Levi. Yaakov Avinu on his deathbed, he says about those two, I picture this, shaking his head, Shimon and Levi achim. You guys are brothers. They are a powerful Shimon and Levi is a crazy force. It could be being a Levi Levi that I'm like lean to shave it Levi. Shimon and Levi is a crazy force. Now, they did some tough stuff with their force. They destroyed the whole city of Shechem, these two brothers. That's like a powerful unity, Shimon and Levi. Specifically amongst all the shvatim, there's a power called Shimon and Levi. They They took down Shechem, and they took Yosef HaTzaddik, the one who The one and Rashi explains how we know, but Shimon and Levi achim. Then he gives them mussar, by the way. Yaakov Avinu criticizes them, arur apam. Oh, you guys got to be more careful. But he also acknowledges Shimon and Levi achim. You have a union, Shimon and Levi. Now, what is this secret to the union of Shimon and Levi? I don't know. I want to share something I saw in a beautiful safer. I want to share this, it's a truth, and this to me is one of the secrets of relationships. I'll tell you one year on Donny and Ellie's yardzeit, we were talking to Yeshiva at a meeting, a gathering about brotherhood, and Ezra Shulman spoke we were talking about unity and friendship. And Ezra Shulman said there's an elephant in the room. I remember he said there's an elephant He said we talk Everybody's saying friendship. There was a whole discussion on friendship. He said, Ezra Shulman, that the main thing to friendship is honesty, is the willingness to be open, the willingness to confront imperfections in ourself. When we're young, we You know how many guys Every Every human being carries secrets they think they're going to die with them. Nobody's knowing this. I'm going to the grave with this one. The dark secrets of youth that we cover and bury Honestly, when two And then people in the space of facing, figuring out, being courageous, they build walls. They build a bravado. They build a fakeness. Yo, what's up? And you build something. Everything that you build, every cover, blocks relationship and connection. If I am not connected to myself, I have presented something, I can't connect to you. Where I am and where I discover me and I'm safely me, we could actually meet and and connect. Each Ironically, that wall that we build in youth, covering up things for good reason, we're not ready to share yet. But the cover and the bravado we build disrupts relationship to others. And I want to express Shiman and Levi are the shpitz of brothers. I saw in a safer, Levi means connection. Melava Malka, to be melava somebody, the word Levi upon you love a Levi ishti. Levi means connection. Shiman is sham avan. Where there's sin, where there's weakness, where there's humility, where there's an admission of some frailty, Levi. Sham oven Levi, Shimon Levi. The spits of connection comes where I acknowledge, where I'm humble. Where I'm willing to be vulnerable. I remember when Ezra Shulman literally there's a whole discussion of friendship and Ezra Shulman said, "Let's be honest, the real way of friendship is to be vulnerable and it's difficult to be vulnerable. Is to be weak, is to be is to share, is to is to be in that space, I'm human. I have human emotion, I have human frailty. And where we're honest to be in that space, there we connect. Shimon Levi, Sham oven, there there's a sin, there there's frailty, there there's weakness, Levi. Then there's connection, that's Shimon Levi. That's what I saw in a safer. The reality of that, the truth of that line, that where we are willing not to build a fake bravado or a fake wall, build something and just the humbleness of we're frail and we [snorts] have flaws and we have things we have things that bother us and hurt us and there where we acknowledge that and are present to that, there we're capable of connection and relationship. And when we build with two guys show up, each one hiding from the other, there's no connection, there's no relationship, there's no we can't connect. We have presented something other than ourselves. So, how would even the person connect to that? Even were they to connect to that, they're not connecting to me, they're connecting to that. But Sham oven, where there's frailty, where I'm willing that's Shimon Levi. That's what I saw in a safer. I liked that a lot that in the names, the names contain the essence, Shmuel Goram. I liked that in the names, Shimon and Levi, that represent connection, achim, brotherhood and unity is Sham oven where there's frailty levy. Then you have connection. The word levy means connection. Where there's frailty, where there's a willingness to be vulnerable. I think in the Yeshiva, the last night is dramatic in the extent, but it really exists the whole year to anybody who understands the Yeshiva. In this room, the closeness on the last night of the year is freaky. A guy gets up and and is vulnerable and shares shares details of his story and to watch the chevre like walk up and connect and relate. A guy got up in Yeshiva about I got exact. A guy got up 5 years ago in Yeshiva and at 3:00 in the morning, I remember what time it was. It was it was on an even it was I believe it was 3:00 in the morning. I remember that it was the beginning of an hour. I think it was 3:00. The guy said that he lost his father. It's a guy in Yeshiva. I'm not sharing something crazy. He said his father what? No, years ago. 5 years ago. A guy said the guy described to us losing his father when he was a youngster, when he was 13 years old and described that he wasn't ready to grieve. Described walls he put up and a persona he put up and things he did that were because he couldn't feel his own stirnbe present and he asked the chevre that I want to grieve my father tonight. He started crying. He said I want to mourn my father. He described his father. The place went up one after one to give him a hug, to give him a mukem menachem. The connection in the room was like freaky of a guy who shared that he needs to grieve. He needs to share his loss of years later, 5 years later from his loss, he said I feel ready to grieve publicly. I've grieved privately, he said. I want to express and told us about his father and what he lost and the place the connection in the room was it's interesting that years ago Yaks what I used to do, I wanted to get as many people as possible to have a chance to speak. Guys want to speak. So I would rush to in between the speeches and I started capping like most things you rush through. You don't rush it. Don't rush. Rush is rush. Sham It's not It's a good thing to slow down. A very good thing. Rav Guyslar Rebbi Rebbi was sneaky as the shpitz. He slows us down in a good way. Be present. Don't rush. And in earlier years I was rushing like the last night to get more speakers. Now I don't rush. This past year I don't care. Let's have two speakers. The The afterwards people hugging and connecting. A guy opened up Shimon Levy. Where there's weakness, where there's a willingness to be weak, to be afraid, to have challenges, to not be perfect. Sham oven Shimon Levy there there's connection. This past year we had much less speeches cuz the in between was more important to me. If we couldn't get, we can't get. Pacha oines. But it was What? After the guy spoke when people run up to give him a hug. Yes, you were here. To me that's crazy. It's Don't ever forget that picture David. The picture after a guy's open. What was the unity like in the room after the guy's open? I never seen I don't think there's anything I saw that in my life. The sense of we're with you, we're mamish with you in the deepest way. Guy opened up and there's a connection here. We're mamish behind you, support you, care about you, respect you. It's a very important picture to remember in our life. Shimon Levy. I've I've I've witnessed in my life guys share something with a tattoo or a moment that they were afraid for years to share. They sit down with a loved one and you see a new something that was such a source of fear, I can't say this, what's going to happen? And it's shared and the closeness gets the crazy closeness. Somebody who actually wants to support you, wants to be there. We're all very human. We could relate to humaness. And the guy opens up Shimon Levi. Shimon Shimon Levi, there's this weakness, there's floor. Levi Shimon and Levi, the picture of of unity. I want you to remember it's if the word, I want you to remember you could just remember your whole life Shimon Levi. Whenever you're carrying and you're afraid and you feel the need to build a wall and to put up something, maybe we could picture Shimon Levi. Two connection. What's What's the secret, Shimon? Shimon brings to Levi. And then you have Levi. So, I wanted to share this this idea of Shimon and Levi, the the brotherhood of two people that are willing to be humble, that are willing to be human, that are willing to be present. There you have Levi. So, that's the first thing I wanted to share with the chevre. The second thing I wanted to say, I've given a lot of thank yous to him. I don't want it to be I don't Gratitude is a space. Gratitude's not cheap. When I was younger, yachts, so when I was younger, my I had heard from a miller something cool that I still believe in a lot. He said before you bow maydim, think of something that you want to thank Hashem for. Don't waste the bow. So, it was a it was a cool thing. Once in a while before I would bow maydim, I would think of something to thank Hashem for. And I you can imagine I would try to say things shacharis one thing, mincha another, maariv shacharis try to change it up. A new thing to then and there endless things to thank Hashem for. It could be breakfast, lunch, supper. It could be every every one of your different children. It could be your spouse. It could be your parents. It could be your neighbor. It could be athletic ability. It could be endless things to thank Hashem. Daily we have a lot of things to thank Hashem. Reb Miller said not to waste the bell, so I would thank Hashem for different things. The guys here have changed my life and I'm at a I'm at a space trying to really get to know my inside and be more present to my inside. Today when I remember before I bow my head, I don't ask myself what do I want to be grateful for. I want to be grateful for everything, but I'm bowing now, what am I grateful for? Reb Miller's trick I was using to like say, "Okay, Hashem, I want to thank you. I don't know if I'm grateful for that. I want to be grateful for it. I don't know if I'm feeling gratitude." And why not? I'm not in touch with it. Now, could be thinking about it begin chitsonius meres apnimius will make me more grateful. I actually like asking myself before I bow, what am I grateful to Hashem for? What do I have gratitude? Gratitude is a very deep place. What am I grateful for? And I like asking myself and then I don't mind. I don't care 30 shma esrays in a low row, it's the same thing. But I want to tap in. I want to be grateful to Hashem for everything. It gives me a lot. But I think identifying what am I grateful? Do you know families that Friday night Shabbos is a day to thank Hashem? There families that go around the table and they have everybody sit a beautiful minig. Say what you're grateful for. Now, typically when you go you could do this in your own home one day. It's a beautiful thing. Typically people say Shabbos is a day of table. The song as the vi'am sing on Shabbos is totally Hashem. It's the thank Hashem. It's a day where persons aware Hashem gives us everything we have and a person's aware of that. When people go around the thank you typically kids say what they want to be grateful for. I want to offer the possibility not what you want, what are you grateful for? It could be I if if we were doing this in our family, I would pick something if the matzah ball was wet, it wasn't dried out, it's probably be the most present thing. I really appreciate the matzah ball is wet. You know when a matzah ball is dried out, matzah ball is exciting. A good matzah ball in the soup and when it's wet and it schmacks and tastes delicious. It's like your Shabbos is so nice. When it's dried it's like shucks. It's a matzah ball and it was What's another name for a matzah ball? A kneidel. A gishmack a wet kneidel. I would like to thank Hashem for the wet kneidel. Now people people somebody else could think like I had the wet kneidel like that's what I'm feeling right now. That's what I experience right now. I could ask what I want to be grateful but I'm really grateful. Like soft. You know what I mean wet that it's not dried out. It's not dried out. If it's dried out it doesn't work. If it's dried out or it's dried You never had a hard kneidel? If as he's less mcgoshen than as he notices please. I'm talking from here as he as he as he as he what would as he thank for? He would thank for the that day that was like an early men he's like still like excited the minion like when with different people. I'm happy for the kneidel. As he's happy that there was a min a day like there were actually 10 people like answering and they are present. He didn't have to count men people who were there before who will come later so. But everybody has their things that they're grateful for. But I But But But we could actually lean into what we're grateful for in a real way. I want to express I want to What? A lot of times the pressure, the thing we are grateful might be very small and minuscule. We think we have to say something fancier. Kids will say, "I'm so happy. I'm the best mom." You know, they'll say It's not what the Not necessarily are in the the space right now. I don't mind. I'm not critiquing and they want to be grateful is good also and they would be grateful and intellectually they're grateful. That's good, too. But what you're feeling is cool. You get places. Now you can When you feel, you could like you could You're just getting there. You're like present. I want to express the gratitude that he's been here a lot this year and this has been a different year. The staff working differently and I want to say that I'm in a space with Yads. What you're doing this year in the Yeshiva and I want to express this in front of the guys to appreciate. It's different this year and what you're doing and accomplishing is incredible. >> [applause] >> It's I It's wild to me how many We're holding months. We're holding very far in the year. We're holding far. This is not a cute thing. What he's organized and created is something that will be lasting. We have much much much more involvement of dorm counselors. Things are more spread out. There's more people connected doing I'm watching like next door their dorm counselors working. Yehuda was working with Machol. There's two dorm counselors sitting right now in in Vermont. Yaakov Yaakov Manila set up and prepared the food that there's systems in place of people working together. Very very much together and giving, and arranging, and setting up, and doing it in organized thorough way. It's just very, very, very appreciated. It's It's game changing for Yeshiva. A Yeshiva Baruch Hashem, the Yeshiva has grown a lot from the days you were here. It's much bigger. It's not just number of guys in Yeshiva. We today have alumni that amount of people plugged into the Yeshiva is staggering. There are things I personally I used to be able to be a a kid. That's how come you don't come at night? I have weddings at night. I have responsibility on the phone and much more. Our community has grown to say a hundredfold is an understatement. Our community has grown. And and there's just many more people leaning into the Yeshiva that it's important the Yeshiva can reach. But what Yatz has created Hashem, as the Yeshiva our community has grown that somebody's come in here to create an organization to make it run smoother. And just give more opportunity to do is tremendously appreciated. So I want to thank Yatz for that. This is a world of connection, of honesty, and you've let it function and flourish. You've added something that will last. Hashem will last. So I really appreciate you being and appreciate what you brought here. Thank you, Yatz. >> [applause] >> Shloime, let's do a nice song l'kavod Yatz. L'kavod Yatz, let's do something nice. Then I want to share more my Yichud. Let's go. Simon. Why is plastic better? Is plastic better? It does. I never heard that. I never heard that. How many shots I never heard that. Yes, yes. There was a truth to that. Some like that. Some like it hard, clearly. I would say my experience. >> [laughter] >> You related? Yeah, it's you related to the hard tomato. Oh, all over? Yeah, it's translated to French, Spanish. >> [snorts] >> Two songs I want to react both are hard on the voice so I like it for us though and the other one is the new the Zush you've been doing what's it called? Yossi you heard this Keli Shuvasti the Zush that's nice. You ready? Let's go. I didn't know. >> [music] [music] >> Keli [music] Shuvasti [singing] >> [music] [singing] [music] >> A Keli Shuvasti [singing] >> [music] [singing] [music] >> A Keli [music] Shuvasti [singing] >> I >> [music] >> need you. I am the best. I am the best. I am >> [music] >> the best. >> [music and singing] >> I am the best. I am >> [singing] >> I am the best. >> [music] >> I am >> [singing] >> I am >> [music] >> the best. I am I [music and singing] am the best. I need >> [music and singing] >> you. >> [music] >> I need you. >> [music] >> I need >> [singing] >> you. >> [music and singing] >> I need you. >> [music] >> I am the best. >> [music] >> I am >> [singing] >> the best. I [music] am the best. >> [music and singing] >> I am >> [music] >> the best. >> [singing] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [singing] [music] [singing] [applause] >> Michael, you can come play for you who that is sing something. Come Michael. I next to you. Come Michael, come. I want to practice for tonight. You want to practice for tonight? And nobody nobody tell anybody. This should be Thank you, baby. You want to come up? Come you to my Just you would as just a friend just amongst us. Do you know that? I guess. We'll do it together. You sing and I'll sing along. We'll do it together. I just practicing [music] for tonight. So, if everybody could just keep it a secret. Oh, would I have to [music] speak with you? Baby, [music] you can tell [singing] me I've [music] been lost so long [singing] I belong. >> [music] >> All is out to you. >> [music] >> Oh, tie to my king. >> [music] >> Father, I plead. >> [music and singing] >> Never let ever let go of me. Never let [singing] ever let go [music] of me. Realize that I'm lost in my life. Pick [music and singing] me up. Help me stand. Don't let go of my hand. Tie to my king. Father, [music and singing] I plead. Never let ever let go of me. Never let ever let go [music and singing] of me. >> [music] >> Oh, tie to my king. >> [music] >> Oh, Father, I plead. >> [singing] >> Never let ever let go of me. Never let [singing] ever let go of me. >> [music] >> Realize that [singing] I'm lost. Pick [music] me up. Help me stand. Don't let go. >> [music and singing] >> I plead. [music and singing] bleed. Oh, never let never let go of me. >> [singing] [music] >> Never let never let go. >> [music] [applause] >> Thank you. [applause] This is a brand new guitar? Yeah, brand new. You who did you play guitar or something? >> [applause] >> I want to I want to talk about one an aspect in this week's parashah as well. With very much focused on connection, relationship, the sogginess of these parashahs, the the coming together of brothers. It says insert the possuk in the Gemara in Shabbos, it says "Ulevent shinayim mechalav." You have to love second seder. It says that "Ulevent shinayim white teeth mechalav." It's talking [clears throat] about the chelek of Yehudah. And he's going to have such a good chelek, he's going to have red in eyes from wine. There's going to be so much goodness there. He's going to have red eyes from wine. "Ulevent shinayim" and very white teeth make hollow from milk. There's going to be so much milk, he's going to have extremely white teeth from the milk. Comes the Gamara in Kesubos and the Gamara in Kesubos says "Who will then shine make hollow white teeth from milk?" Says the Gamara "White teeth is more important than milk." More important the way we're going to ex- white teeth means to smile at somebody who will then shine them. White teeth make hollow is more important than milk. More important to smile at somebody than to feed them milk, which means people's emotional well-being is more important than their physical well-being. As much as you understand that your job is to supply physically to your children, to your wife, hollow, you have to supply milk, who will then shine make hollow. White teeth is more important than milk. It's mevor in Rishonim. Every man has to take care of his wife. He owes his wife to physically support his wife. She rocks who saw by NASA Yegara. She ranks who saw her physical needs. And a man owes his wife food and clothing. He signs Kesuba and he's saying "I'm going to physically take care of you." Inasa means intimacy. Included in intimacy means to emotionally take care of her. A man obligates himself to physically and emotionally take care of his spouse. He obligates. He promises in front of Adam. It's a quiet part of the Hasana. It happens before the Chuppah. It's not so loud. A young bachur goes to the wedding won't know about this part of the wedding. But in the quiet part of the wedding, the guy in front of Adam obligates himself in front of witnesses. It's one of the main part and one of the holiest parts of the Hasana is a man promises in front of witnesses. It's called the kesubah and in the kesubah the guy promises to physically and emotionally take care of a person. I will physically How many men, husbands and fathers wrote, "I don't get it. I bring home food. I support my family." That's the physical needs of your family. You owe your wife and children, but you owe your wife We're talking about your wife in the kesubah. A man owes his wife to a emotionally care for somebody. And if you When you talk about the physical and emotional, everybody understands what it looks like when people have no physical needs, don't have the physical needs taken care of. Anybody can picture a yeshiva home that has no food. That's ridiculous. Is somebody emotionally taken care of? Is somebody taken care of? Is there emotional care? It's funny people check out their sons' yeshivas. I wonder I don't know how to do this. It should be like a rating. We send youngsters off to yeshivas. They don't have They don't have the love and the support from a mother and a father. Is there emotional care? Is the kid The well-being of a youngster. Is his emotional needs met there? Is he The kid's 13 years old, 14, 15. You have to physically take care of somebody and there's no emotional care for a person. Which is more important? Everybody understands You don't have your physical needs, people die. People die when their emotional needs are not taken care of. "Ul avan shinayim chalav." The Gemara in Kesubos says that a smile is more than milk. Means a person's emotional well-being is more important than their physical. It takes What means more important? It's probably more dangerous. A physical is like a survival instinct. The person in a certain way could get the chalav themselves. "Ul avan shinayim." The smile, the appreciation, the encouragement from another is less negotiable than the milk. The invention I mean smile is more important than the milk. So, I wanted to express this aspect of emotionally caring for another person. And I wanted to say a specific thing about emotionally caring for another person. This has to do with friendships and ultimately the most important friendship in marriage is make space for another person's feelings. Even when they're angry at you, make space for that. Make space. They're feeling something. To take the time to sit down. A guy in Yeshiva described to me, I was like so moved. The guys are so sophisticated emotionally many guys. Not all the guys, many guys. A guy described to me was sad and he said another guy sat with me for an hour and in silence. He didn't say a word. He made room for my sadness. I was very touched. Two guys sat together and the guy needed it. His friend like just sat there, made room for us. He was sad and he was down. Everybody's rushing and running and coming and going and another guy slowed down and made a space for his friend's sadness. He was like what He didn't try to answer it. He didn't try to cure it. He didn't He made a space for another's Taking care of somebody's emotions is all part of the smile. It's part of It's part of the obligation that a man's going to be himself to care for his wife is making space for her emotions. Making space for what she's feeling. Everybody's busy. Everybody's running. People have busy lives. And it's hard enough to be present to what's going on inside ourselves. A healthy home. One day every guy here will have a wife, will have children to take the time in your busy life. People do homework with their children. That's wonderful. You sit down, you do the homework. Sit down with your child and make sure emotionally we are present to the world go as best as we can be being emotionally available and present to what's happening by them. A listening ear and there's like space inside of yourself what I watch in your Shiva people watch in your Shiva a lot of guys speak to Morty. A lot of speak to him. He has space for the next person's feeling. There's like space for it. He's available for a guy to express and creates that there's a space for it. [clears throat] It's not about giving any answers and saying back and teaching and telling your child our kids will not open up to us or speak to us or be interested in speaking to us if we can't create space for what they're feeling. You come home, you're tired yourself and your wife wants to share to make space. She's frustrated. She's upset at something that you're listening. You could ask the right question that you're literally making a space for what's on her mind. This is not like an extra credit or very This is the obligation of every person. It's more important than the money that you're obligated to bring home. So when a guy rolls, I don't get it. I support my wife equal and more important than the physical than the money he brings home is a le v en shalom is the smile is the validation is the encouragement is the space the noticing of that person. Well, that is the smile to people who see each other and you smile at them. I you are seen what you're feeling. There's like a space for what you feel to try to create that space. I want to express a p'shat that I think is like p'shat. The the the the mission in others says >> The Mishnah says your base has a sukkah with a roof your house should be wide open. Should be a spacious. I think people need very large homes. You need very spacious it's like wide open. I want to express that a house should be a very large space with a lot of room. It means there's room for all the children in the home. We have busy lives that somebody asked me today. I came in this morning and just like hit me somebody asked how you doing? And the person asked in a way like they really wanted to hear and it was like funny. Every single person has a lot of suggies in their life. When you're a married person you have your suggie, your wife's suggie, each child's suggies. How are you doing? It's like well okay in my mind the person like wanted to hear I was like going through the different suggies in my mind. Do I do I want to share any of them? Maybe but he asked he asked in a way like how you doing and he wanted to hear. We have many suggies. Your base has a sukkah with a roof. Needs a heart that's wide open too. That's open to the max of of each person to the situation to what's going on that there's space for you. You'll see in our own lives we're all leading busy and lives with a lot on our plate. And to carve out the space, the time, the energy to that this can come in here also. I think increasingly we have hectic homes. Our Hashem our families are large. I would say to make sure to make sure I'm not discussing how how big somebody we should all have many many children. You can have more children than you have space. So, not trying to we should have big families. Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetzky was very strong on people to space their children properly, to be careful. Rabbi Yaakov was strong. My father, zatzal, pushed me towards this way. Rabbi Gissinger, zatzal, pushed towards the big families, but making sure that we have space. He would say to space the children, that we could be present for each child and be focused and be attentive and make room talk in the home not just for the physical child, but for their journeys, for their emotions, for every aspect. I'm sorry, I was talking about myself. I can't be my own kid, I guess. And then how will I ever have space is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have space. We're going to Shlomo's Shlomo's space. finds space. What did you say? >> We didn't know like how to space. I don't say there's a way to know. I say that we have to be very attentive to our mishpacha as best as we can be. Rebbetzin and Chaim and all them, the emotional needs are more important than the physical. The physical needs are huge. Everybody understands that. we're talking to the person who has space for us well, You're my example of this, When guys open up, a guy will call me late at night. I've I've asked many guy, "Please find Shlomo." What's it's And has brilliant advice and good advice has a place, but what much more is he has space. He has a heart that does There's a willingness and an ability to make space for somebody and what they're what their feeling. So, I wanted to share this with the chevra because because we're speaking about relationship and connection and unity. And this is a huge achrayis in relationship that I make a space for the other person and the things they're feeling. This is something we could do for our roommates. We could really do for our roommates. Somebody sharing to like really have the ability to hear, to to ask the question, to really carve out that space for what they're experiencing, you make your room a much, much bigger room. Wow, there's a lot of space in this room. There's space for my and we can easily make it a very tight place where there's not much room. There's not much room. It's interesting. It says it says about Yerushalayim there was a nice. Nobody ever said "Yerushalayim, it's too narrow." There was always space for people. Now certainly that means physically Yerushalayim like stretched, but of course and of course it means in the deepest sense there was room for people in Yerushalayim. Yerushalayim, which is a place of Nidchei Yisrael Yachad, here there's room for people. Nobody ever said "Yerushalayim, it's too I want Durham to be like the biggest space in the world. Like such a large space, there's mamish space for us and our stuff. There's like really space. Yebasecha Berovcha that there's really space. Okay, he's frustrated, he's this and there's mamish the space. I thank this and Mordcha, two of the two of the They're two of the builders of the Yeshiva. You make this place humongous. This campus because of you Mordcha is like a million miles big. Cuz you make space. There's like space for me, for other people. You make it very roomy, like really roomy. My my dream as Baruch Hashem, this is the main job of dorm counselors is to make each dorm building much, much bigger. What Mechal, Eliyahu, and Shimon have done downstairs in the Carlton, it's it's now like The downstairs Carlton's probably like 14,000 miles long right now. Just a big space. It's like there's like room for the chevre. There's room for people, all different people. People are heard. People are seen. So I wanted to I wanted to express this that the dorm counselors do in the dorms and challenge everybody here in your own life. Best session will all have homes to make space to make space for another person, a person's emotional needs and learning to care and take care and and and help another person emotionally as well as physically. This is the responsibility of marriage. For anybody to have a husband and to sign a soul and mean it, it means that I'm going to do this. It's partial that the I know her emotional needs. It's the Mishnah. In the it says I know I care. I'm going to respect my wife. That's the means all her emotional needs. It's part of intimacy if somebody is cared for and taken care and is comfortable and feels safe and feels seen, that's all part of NASA. Of course, to respect the person that does not know us all of this without that. All these things come from a place of respecting a person that you matter and your journey and all its product matter. That's that's the making an emotional space. Rabbi Rice Silverman was speaking to a share this morning about a topic that in the world of was a huge huge topic. I'm not going to go by cuz I'm I'm bringing out one point. A person's inner journey matters a lot. He was discussing we're used to as the external to oppressor, the one who's mean to us. We all of a sudden have a in America where we don't see the oppressor. And he said equal to the external is the internal and this is just true. This is the was busy our own guys looking at it in the of you see like the the rabbi in front the guy and then people have like a lot of stuff in here. You have to like push that away to become him. Uh-uh, not in the world of Hasidus, not in the world of truth, not in the world of Pnimius. Our own inner struggle is part of the story of Golus and Geula. Our own inner world when you make space for somebody's story, it's the emes, it's true cuz their story really does matter. Your wife's frustration, you and you make a space. A husband sits down, a husband sits down and listens and creates a space. It's very tiring. If you're not used to feeling, it's very tiring. Not used to feeling, it's very tiring. I want to say on myself who ignored my inner world a lot and was not used to. I don't I can I can push hard and not sleep much during the week. I could push hard. I don't like to, I try to sleep plenty, but I could push hard and not sleep much during the week. I could push hard one week and not eat so much. I could do that. To feel, if I feel for like 2 minutes, that's I'm like tired for a month. I'm like drained. I can't move. I'm not used to it. I'm not used to it. But where you make a space, somebody's expressing, and every husband owes this to his wife, owes it. Every man to his children, this is what we do. We make a space. There's a sit down. There's a conversation. There's a listening. There's mamesh a space. It could be for hours. There's a space for somebody going through something. It's not what you're answering, what you're advising, what you're saying. It's creating a space. That's all part of the hanacha naim, the smile, the validation of another, the encouragement of another will eventually naim the smile that tells a person I have a picture I have a picture and I'm going to close with this. There's a picture I And this is like making a There's like one example I can making the space for somebody. It's just a picture that I like drawing to the guys. I'm a terrible artist. It's the way Hashem made me. My son Moishe, I'm so proud could draw a beautiful pictures. But I mean like I can't draw anything. Just But I like with words to draw a picture. I'm going to draw like a picture of emotional support of just one picture. It's one scenario that I like drawing the picture of the space for somebody. It's something that happened to one of my kids minus what I did. That's I'm going to I'm going to make a picture of what if something of what a father could like make space for a child. My son Moishe, the whole Yeshiva went to watch a playoff Waterbury playoff basketball game. There were about 500 people in the gym. We got the gym Yaakov we couldn't get a gym. It was our home game. We didn't want to play in their gym because we want in their gym we couldn't bring in the whole school. We busted the entire school. So we busted the whole Waterbury. In the gym there were over 500 people. A lot of alumni came. And it was a playoff game. We got the gym Yaakov Coco, his uncle who's an incredible guy, Remendy Coco, got me the gym. He got us pizza also. He was like incredibly nice to us. Got us the gym and food. Took care of us like crazy, Remendy Coco. You know Remendy Coco, Rabbi Levy? Very special person. You know Yeah, yeah, very good. You know him, Artscroll? famous league Guys played in his league. It's a famous league. He's Yaakov Coco's uncle. So he like wine and then he bought us pizza. Like he didn't He did not Not only did he give us the gym, it wasn't enough. He ordered pizza for all Yeshiva. But he took good care of us and got us the gym. The gym Akiva is packed and raucous. And with 5 seconds left, it's a playoff game. Hudi's at the foul line. And and he has He misses the first five but he has two free throws. And Trying to remember the exact scenario. But I believe he had two free throws. If he hits them, we can go to overtime. If he misses If he misses it, we lose. If he misses the free throw, we lose. And the gym is just going bedlam. The people are screaming. There was like high anxiety. And our guys traveled from far and our buses came in the middle of late in the third quarter. We had a crazy traffic on the way. So, guys had come out of a bus to see the last quarter and a half of game. It's a playoff game. The gym is going nuts. And Hoodie is at the free throw line for these two free throws. He hits, we go to overtime. He misses, we're out. And the pressure There's like heavy pressure. Now, this isn't exact This is what happened. And this was going on the tension. My wife doesn't follow sports. She was going It was scary. It was like the gym the tension in that gym. This will happen. This is the picture that this did not happen, but this is the picture I want a father to be able to do this for a son. When the son looks over at his father and you lock eyes. And in that locking of eyes is at the front The gym is going nuts. And the picture is a father looks at his son. And there's like a deep message. First of all, I believe in you. I love you. You hit or you miss, I'm your father. I'm your biggest fan. You're also crazy capable. You got it. You're okay. You know how to do this. You can. And you give over a sense of ability. A sense that if you miss it, you're fine, too. I won't budge an inch. And a sense A sense of ability and validation and capacity that a father and son lock eyes. And they like nod. And the son knows and then takes his free throws. The picture of a father really encouraging not just the physical needs of a child, the emotional band of understanding each other, of being there. I'm with you. I get the pressure. I understand it. My mish with you. That's all part of What? Of course. What I tell you the story of famous. I'm not going to tell you that we lost in overtime. That I'm not going to do that part of the story. He did. He did. He did. But um But really really I want this I want guys here to get these things. I want guys to get these things. I want I want guys here to understand relationships and the supplying for another It's funny allows the dorm counselors and gives them opportunity to take guys out to eat. And it's funny that it's something we've discussed. I discussed I discussed this with I don't want dorm counselors to think that you could just give things instead of relationship. Then you're falling to that parent. And a lot of why I wanted to cap what they give because I don't want a guy to give things instead of themselves. Morty and I just discussed this. The spoiled child typically the child that's spoiled is not all the yeses he gets. It's the great no he gets. He doesn't get the father. I know myself when I'm busy, I tend to want to quickly take my son to 7-Eleven. Don't go there. You're giving things in lieu of the deepest thing he needs, the self. So even when we spoke about dorm counselors like giving stuff, that's great to take guys out to eat. So nice. Don't be guilty of giving stuff instead of yourself. If that helps you give yourself and together giving stuff is big. That's the of going out to Ricardo. I don't want to call going out to little loaf is the because that's flashing. But going to Ricardo is the but spending time seeing a person, noticing, talking to a person, relating is Levenstein is the smile that we owe people that we owe our loved ones. The Levenstein the smile is more important than the milk. Ricard is wonderful. You brought the guy skiing that's wonderful. You're like that dad if you only take him skiing and you can't give the smile the conversation the relationship you're missing the main thing. Levenstein the smile is more important than the milk. So the whole reason we organize and people take people places to give the milk is important. The milk counts but it's only to facilitate the Levenstein the smile the be that guy I ask every single person here with your own families one day. The beautiful thing of raising a mishpacha be present all of us me and you to be present to supply the emotional and physical needs to do a really good job of supplying the emotional and physical needs. I will caution guys here if you don't make room for your own feelings you won't make room for your children. You just won't you won't even recognize you make room for your own and there's room. Make sure your house is a very big place and there's like space in the family each kid's going through a story it's my favorite time of week is kiddush and I sit there by kiddush just looking around everybody has a story that they're coming with. In Yeshiva the dining room by kiddush is loud. I have we need a microphone we need some help there to make it not allowed. There was some but we don't follow those rules. But the room is like a buzz and everybody one cannot do a microphone on Shabbos but in the room on Shabbos there's like a buzz each person coming with their story your base make sure your house is wide open with room for everybody's story. I thank the guys for listening I thank you guys for being here. Have an excellent evening. Whoever is there will be what time is it now, Shmuel? Second seder 5:16. We join Dave Roose and Shmuel. Shmuel Jackwitz seder second seder 5:15. [applause] That will be learning Gemara. Tonight the there's going to be performances. what time are the performances? What? 9:30. Come to the performances, have it. Come to it. It's funny that that it gives you talk about Levenshinayim, the opportunity for guys to perform and get up and shine and be celebrated and be heard. Levenshinayim hello, come to the performances 9:30. You do we have a roster prepared?