Harry's Video Blog - Bar Mitzvah - The Day After: Parshat Ki Teitzei

car on my there'll beace when you are lay your we head to rest don't you cry no more there's a somewhat frightening law towards the beginning of this week's total portion Deuteronomy 21:8 the law of the Wayward and rebellious son a young man who's just passed Bar Mitzvah who Rebels against his father and his mother steals money from them uses it to buy meat and wine that he then consumes his parents are told they have to take him to the court and if the court determines that he meets all the qualifications they put him to death not because of his current sins but because they know that left to his own devices he'll eventually become a murderer so we put him to death now now that's a radical departure from Torah law God doesn't punish for things that we haven't yet done but don't worry rest assured our stages tell us that no one has ever been executed as a wayward and rebellious son because it's virtually impossible to meet all of the qualifications the young boy would have to be between the ages of 13 and 13 and 3 months his parents would have to have a similar physical appearance and speak with the same voice he'd have to use his stolen money to buy a significant amount of meat and wine so practically speaking you can't ever nor have we ever had an actual Wayward and rebellious son so so why would God take the time to include in the Torah a law that has no real life import the reason of course is to teach us some lessons that perhaps we should be careful as parents not to overemphasize luxury at a time when our children are of impressionable ages it's also telling us that as parents we have to make sure to speak to our children with one voice giving them one consistent message rather than two contradictory messages an is telling us that in those three months after Bar Mitzvah a kid's history can be written during that short time period he can become with the wrong choices irretrievably bad and the converse is also true with the right choices he can become good and set himself up on the right path for the rest of his life that young man who's a man with respect to the laws but still a child with respect to his youthful enthusiasm and his Newfound passions passions that have to be channeled and focused particularly during those three months and yet so many of us fall prey to that bar mitzvah syndrome we spend so much time worrying and planning and Fring about is he going to be able to read the Torah are we going to make a party what type of party who we going to invite what are we going to do about the relatives that don't talk to each other what about the invitations what about the party favors or the desserts etc etc and whether you're making a party on an island or on a boat or whether you're making a theme party or some other wild or wacky shindig or whether you're inviting thousands of your fellow Kim to your bmitzvah or getting called up to the Torah at the cotel or in your local synagogue regardless afterwards when it's over and we tend to Pat ourselves on the back or congratulate ourselves or exhale or slap our son a high because he did it we forget that a bar mitzvah is not a Finish Line it's the Starting Gate and that's what the Torah is shouting out at us with this law those next three months are critical to this young Manchild development it's the three months after Bar Mitzvah that he most needs us not the three months before it's when he needs us as parents as rabbis as Educators as community members as siblings as grandparents as friends don't news on those three months [Music]