Goliath and His Mother In Therapy - By Rabbi YY Jacobson

The Yeshiva.net One of uh the most iconic stories in the Tanakh, which has become a household word or name, is known as David and Golias or David and Goliath. The story of David and Goliath as it's known is seen not just as a story that the Tanakh describes about a conflict between two people representing a conflict between two nations, the Jews versus the Plishtim, the Philistines, but it came to be seen as representative of the fact that sometimes somebody confronts a great towering figure or enemy or force of adversity and it would seem obviously that this little person is going to be defeated by this mighty titanic force, and yet when this person employs an unconventional strategy, sometimes things turn upside down and Davids of the world defeat the Goliaths of the world. The actual story is in Tanakh in Shmuel Bet, probably some of you remember it. Where the Plishtim the Philistines are tormenting, persecuting, harassing the Jewish people. They are neighbors in the land of Israel. The king at the time is Shaul, Shaul Hamelach or Saul. And the Plishtim have on their side a mighty muscular ferocious warrior by the name of Golias. The Tanakh describes him as being of unique monstrous figure, uh some 12 ft tall, extremely powerful, and if you could just put your cell phones on vibrate, I forgot to announce. And uh, he is simply his his his figure is so domineering, it could inculcate fear and dread into your heart. And the Tanakh describes how for 40 days consecutively, every morning and every evening, he comes and he faces the Jewish troops, the Jewish camp. He curses them, he harasses them, he taunts them verbally. He instills fear into their heart, how they will all be ultimately decimated. And at some point, Goliath turns to all of the Jewish soldiers, and he says, "You know, instead of uh, having this ongoing combat between two armies, why don't you just choose one representative from your side, let him take me on, and whoever wins wins, whoever is defeated is defeated." Saul, the king and all of his men, are overwhelmed by fear. They do not know who is capable of confronting this mighty figure, this very powerful powerful person, Goliath. And then comes along young little shepherd, David, David Amel who went to visit there coincidentally to bring his older siblings who were drafted to battle to combat, to bring them some food and to help them out, and he sees the situation, and he seeks the permission of the king to confront Goliath. But David confronts him not with a sword, not with a spear, not with any ammunition. David has a a mugen, a a panzer, a a shield, and he has, as you know, in his little bag, he picks up five smooth stones, and he confronts Golias. And Golias looks at him and says, "What am I, a dog that you are the one who comes to confront me?" And he explains to David how very soon his flesh will become the food and the fodder for animals and birds as he will turn him into a lifeless carcass. He curses David, he curses the Jewish people, and he curses God, Hashem, pretty heavily. And David Hamelich tells him that uh "You come to me with your sword, with your spear, with ammunition. I come to you with the power of God who is the leader of my roches Yisrael, of the armies of the Jewish people. Hashem Elokai Tzeva'ot, I come to you with the help and in the name and as a representative of Hashem Elokai Tzeva'ot. And what you think you're going to do to me, I will be doing to you." Now, it seems like an impossible situation. David was no competition for Golias from a pure physical, bodily level. And when Golias is about to confront David, he picks up one of his stones and with his slingshot he directs it and shoots it towards Golias. It hits Golias directly in his forehead and he collapses, after which David, who had no sword, takes Golias's sword and beheads him. The Philistines are obviously overwhelmed. Peace and tranquility are restored to the Jewish camp. That is a very brief summation of a long and dramatic and intense story in the book of Shmuel, Shmuel Bet, Samuel 2 in the Tanakh. The sages, the rabbis, were always sensitive to the Because the way the Tanakh was written was in a way that the nuances of a story usually convey a deeper plot that is not always visible at the surface of the text. And what they asked is a Gemara in Maseches Sota daf mem beis, Talmud Sota tractate Sota page 42, that dedicates a significant amount of time to this significant space dedicates significant space to this story, and wants to know one thing. Golias, the Tanakh says, came 40 days taunting, harassing verbally the Jewish people, threatening them, driving dread into their hearts, terror into their psyches. Why 40 days? And it says Shacharis u'Ma'ariv, he would do it in the morning and in the evening. So Rebbe Yochanan says the 40 days paralleled the 40 days that it took Moshe Rabbeinu to receive the Torah on Mount Sinai. He goes up to Mount Sinai and he's there for 40 days. It's the 40 days he's on the mountain day and night learning the Torah from the author of Torah to give it over to the people. And those are the 40 days that Golias comes out to taunt the people. Why morning and evening? Says Rebbe Yochanan on the v'atlah mikra Shema shel Shacharis u'mikra Shema shel Arvis. In the morning the Jew has a mitzvah to read the Shema, to say and and focus on Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad, etc. v'ahavta es Hashem Elokecha u'v'shochbecha u'v'kumecha. The Torah says there's a mitzvah to read Shema in the morning and in the evening, which we usually do in the morning prayer Shacharis or in the evening prayer Ma'ariv, but even outside of tefillah the mitzvah is to read Krias Shema. Golias wanted to stop them from saying Krias Shema in the morning and in the evening, and therefore he made sure to come out and do his uh routine in the morning and in the evening. And here one wonders, really? Where did Golias grow up? Was he some Orthodox Jew who would have come to shul every morning and make sure that the rabbis and the congregants don't daven? 40 days because of 40 days that Moshe Rabbeinu received the Torah? Is this a mystical association? Did Golias understand this association? Was this consciously? Was this unconscious? What did he know about Shacharis in the morning and in the evening? When he went to a yeshiva, he had an education. He was interested in the details of Jewish ritual and tradition. And he said, "You know what? I could do it for 39 days. I could do it for 40 days. But since Moshe was on the mountain for 40 days, I think 40 days is the right number." Is this a rational association? A psychological association? An unconscious association? Is it an association that the Jewish people are making and imposing on Golias? How do we How do How do we understand this? I mean, in the story it actually happened for 40 days as the Tanakh says. And in the morning and in the evening. To appreciate this, which at first glance it could just seem like, you know, some charming commentary, 40 40 morning evening Krias Shema Golias. One really has to be able to uh delve into a deeper dimension of this entire story. And as is true with most stories, there's always a mother at the core, at the vortex of uh every single story, I think, from the beginning of time until the end of time. And for this, we have to go into an a delve into the deeper dimensions of the story and find out the origin, the feminine origin, and also masculine origin of Golias. And in order to appreciate this, we have to go to a different story in the Tanakh, which is also learned and read on Shavuot, and that's the book of Ruth or Ruth in English. The book of Ruth, studied, read on Shavuot, before Shavuot, contains four chapters. Many of you have learned it or have read it or have heard classes over the years, but I'm going to summarize the story briefly. It's a very moving story. It's an emotional story. It's a powerful story. The story begins in Beth in Bethlehem in Beth Lechem, which is close to Jerusalem in the Holy Land. There's a horrible famine, a terrible famine, a devastating hunger in the land of Israel. There's a wealthy Jew who comes from the royal tribe of Yehuda. His name is Elimelech. And he decides to abandon the land and to go create a future for himself in a very different culture. And he moves away from Beth Lechem in the middle of Eretz Yisrael and he goes to a place to say Moav, to the plain fields of the plains of Moav, which is in the Transjordan on the eastern side of the Jordan River, which in the ancient times was a region known as Moav. And that's where he begins a new chapter, a new life for himself. He travels there with his wife, Naomi, Naomi, and two of his sons, Machlon and Kilyon. They are now segregated from Jewish life, Jewish tradition, Jewish community, Jewish culture, obviously. And the two boys, who are apparently personalities, probably handsome and attractive and wise, attract the attention of two princesses, the daughters of the king of Moav, Eglon Melech Moav, and each of these two sons marries the daughters of Moab, Ruth and Orpah. Mahlon marries a woman named Ruth and Chilion marries a woman named Orpah, two Moabite women who marry these two Jewish boys. Tragedy strikes and Elimelech dies. And then they are there for 10 years and another tragedy strikes and Mahlon and Chilion pass away. So Naomi, the wife, the widow, is now left alone with two daughters-in-law. She has no husband and she lost both of her children. The mother-in-law and daughters-in-law, you could see from the story, got along. There was a kinship. There was a trust. Naomi apparently was, as her name indicates, a very pleasant person. Naomi comes from the word noam, which means pleasant. She was an extremely pleasant, aristocratic, noble human being in her demeanor and her behavior. And the daughters-in-law, who also came from royalty and aristocracy, from a different type of royalty, from the dynasty of Moab, they were grandchildren, ultimately great-grandchildren of Balak, the king of Moab, and ultimately trace their lineage back to, of course, Lot and his daughter, who were the parents of the first child named Moab, which takes us back to Genesis, to parshas Vayeira, after the story of the destruction of Sodom. One thing about Judaism is all of history is one cohesive entity. And there's a relationship there, there's no question. And Naomi hears that there is food in Bethlehem and she decides her days in Moab have come to an end. It's time to go back to her original home and her original community. Naomi begins her return back and her two daughters-in-law follow her. 40 steps. After 40 steps, meaning just a little escort, Naomi turns to them and says, "This is really pointless. I am an old lady. They call me Naomi, but really fate has been very cruel to me. You have no future if you come with me. I don't have any more sons that I can give you as husbands. I'm too old to have new to marry and have new babies, and you're going to wait for them to grow up. There's really no future. You come from a different world, a different culture. You're going to come back there, you're going to be strangers, bereft of family. I have no money, I have no food, I have no affluence. I have no protection. It's really pointless. Why don't you go back? You're too young. I mean, we can imagine the conversation. The Tanakh says it very briefly. You're two young, beautiful, bright women, princesses of Moab. Go back to your home and create a good future for yourself." Naomi's words are very logical. They're very caring. They're very normal. They're very sober. This is a mother-in-law who's completely not obsessive, completely not narcissistic. You could see here a genuine mother who even in a very difficult moment is thinking about what she needs, but is thinking about what they need. She thanks them for being good wives to her sons, but now it's time to say goodbye. What happens next is quite moving. Orpah, one daughter-in-law, appreciates what her mother-in-law says. She cries. Orpah cries as Naomi cries. Vatishaq Orpah lachamaisa. That's the quote of the verse. Orpa goes over to her mother-in-law and kisses her. Ruth cleaves to her mother-in-law. Ruth decides to stick it out with Naomi. And when Ruth does that, Orpa leaves. Orpa kisses her, she cries, Naomi cries. It's an emotional It's an emotional separation for obvious reason. They lived so many years together, and they lived through tragedy together. The death of the children of Naomi was, of course, a tremendous tragedy for her, but also for the widows, for their wives. So, there's a special tragedy that either brings people together or makes them more separated. Depends on the response, depends on the character of people. So, you could see immediately that Orpa and Naomi had a love towards each other, but Orpa goes on to her own way. She goes back to Moab. Ruth cleaves to Orpa. And then to Naomi. And Naomi turns to Ruth and says, "Why are you doing this? There's no future." And we all know that Ruth responds to Naomi and says, "I will not be leaving you." And she uses that expression ba'asher telchi elech ba'asher talini alin amech ami v'eloichayich elohai ba'asher tamusi amus v'sham ekaver It's hard to find more powerful words to express such a profound emotion and commitment. Ruth says, "Where you go, I shall go. Where you lodge, where you sleep, where you dwell, I shall dwell. Your people is my people. Your God is my God. Where you die, I will die, and that's where I will be buried. When Naomi sees Kim is a match to see that Ruth is really eager and unwavering in her commitment, she ceases to plead with her to leave, and Naomi, together with her daughter-in-law Ruth, make their way back to Bethlehem. And we know they come back, they have momish nothing. Nothing. No assets. There's one field that Elimelech owns. No assets. No respect. People could see Naomi. They remember her previous glory, but her husband left and deserted the community. There's no extra respect over there for that family. The boys intermarried. I mean, some say they converted, some say they didn't convert. It's a whole other parsha. Did Ruth and Orpah convert? Did they not convert? Was it a real conversion? Was it not a real? Was it momish an intermarriage or not? But it was a very, very challenging situation, especially you can understand the rumors, right? In the supermarkets, and the shuls, and the tents. The tents of Bethlehem. It was a good, juicy story, especially that Elimelech was considered momish la creme de la creme, from the finest and best mishpachas, as they like to say among the sea. So Naomi comes back. It's a very difficult situation. But as you know in Judaism, there's an there are institutions for the poor. One of them is leket, shikhah, pe'ah, ma'aser ani, which means all farmers who own fields had to leave a certain percentage of fields and harvest and grain and produce for the poor, for the destitute, for orphans, for widows who had nobody to support them. These were some of the ancient, glorious institutions of Judaism. You harvested your field in the corner of a field you had to leave for the poor people. You were harvesting, you were cutting grains, wheat or barley or spelt or oats or rye, and and grains fall off from the sickle, one or two, and you can't pick them up, you have to leave them for the poor. And you gathered bundles, you do sheaves of grain, and you take the bundles home and you forget a bundle in the field, and then you realize it, you don't retrieve it, you leave it for the poor. And then there was the 10% some of the years of all produce that had to go to the poor people called maaser ani that the owner would distribute. And that's what Naomi and Ruth have to survive from. They have to go to the fields together with the poor people and take the leftovers that fall off the sickle, and this was just part of Jewish life. It happens to be that Ruth enters ends in the ends up in the field of a man named Boaz, who was a very wealthy, affluent man, and it happened to be that he was a nephew of Elimelech. Because Elimelech, the father, the husband of Naomi, the father of Machlon and Chilion, the father-in-law of Ruth, Elimelech, had a brother Salmon, and Salmon had a son Boaz. Boaz was a leader, a scholar, a judge, and also a man of means. He had many fields. So, Boaz happened to be a nephew of Elimelech and a nephew therefore of Naomi and a first cousin of Ruth's deceased husband. Really a first cousin of Ruth because Machlon and Chilion were sons of Elimelech and Boaz was a son of Elimelech's brother Salmon. Ruth ends up there. Boaz notices her dignity. He makes sure to treat her with extraordinary sensitivity and dignity, making sure she had what she needs and her mother-in-law had what she needs. And the continuation of the story everybody knows is Naomi right away starts talking about a shidduch. And she thinks that the best shidduch, the best match for Ruth is Boaz. She arranges the encounter in quite unconventional means, but that's not the topic of this class. It's discussed in Ruth and in the commentaries at length. And ultimately Boaz marries Ruth, her first husband's first cousin, her deceased husband's first cousin. And Boaz and Ruth have a baby. And the baby's name is Obed. Obed becomes the father of a man named Yishai, and Yishai would become the father of a man named David, David. So Ruth was David's great-granddaughter. Now Ruth is the one who usually gets the most attention in the story for obvious reasons. But very little attention, unjustifiably so, goes to Orpah. And that's the focus today. I want to know what happened to Orpah, not to Ruth. We know what happened to Ruth. Ruth becomes the mother of Jewish royalty, the great-grandmother of King David, the great-great-grandmother of Melech, of King Solomon, and thus the great-great-great-great-grandmother of Messiah who comes from David and The mother of royalty essentially is a Moabite convert who doesn't come from a Jewish family at all. She becomes the mother of the family of Jewish royalty. Quite in itself an extraordinary lesson and tale. But what happened to Orpah? Do we even know? You might say nothing. She went back to Moab. And that's the end of that. Hopefully she lived happily ever after in Moab. But the Tanakh does not allow us to speculate and be curious about our problem. As we read through the Tanakh, we find in Shmuel Bais that this woman, Arpah, and she's called Harpah, not Arpah, and I'll tell you why in a moment, has four sons. Yishbi, Saf, Madon, but a fourth son, and his name is Golyas. Golyas' mother was Arpah. Now, the Gemara asks why her name was changed from Arpah in Ruth, it's Arpah, ayin reish peh heh, or if you want to spell it out in English, would be a r p a h, and in Shmuel, she's described as Harpah, with an h or a heh, heh reish peh heh. There is a unique symbolism there. It's not stam, they decided to change the name. That generally ayin and heh are from the interchangeable letters in the Hebrew alphabet. Aleph, ches, heh, ayin are letters that are interchangeable. There are between the 22 letters, there are the letters are grouped into five different groups, units, known as the heh motzai the five sources of the mouth from which letters are pronounced, and those letters are often interchangeable when there is meaning in the change. But still, you need a reason why you're going to make a change from an ayin to a heh, Arpah to Harpah. But one of her sons is Golyas, which means that when David confronts Golyas on the battlefield, they're not complete strangers. At the surface, they seem like not only strangers, not only as arch enemies, but completely from two different worlds. It's like we don't even know who we are, who I don't know anything about you besides the fact that you're my enemy and trying to kill me and feed me to the birds. But when we see the story, we know David and Goliath have some deep connection. David is a child, not a child a grand a great-grandchild of Ruth. Goliath is a is a son of of Orpah. Ruth and Orpah were sisters and sisters-in-law marrying both the children of Elimelech, Mahlon and Chilion. They both spent a decade in a Jewish family married to two Jews. Some even say, I said before there's two opinions, did they convert, did they not convert, did Mahlon and Chilion intermarry, did they go through a conversion? But there are many views in the Chazon that they went through a conversion. So which means that it's possible that Orpah lived as a Jew. As an authentic Jew for many years, which means Goliath was Jewish. He was a Jewish boy. He lived as a Philistine. He saw himself as a Philistine. He had no kinship with the Jewish people. But he may have been halakhically and spiritually and biologically Jewish. Who was Goliath's father? Do we know who was Goliath's father? So hold on to that question for a moment cuz the plot thickens quite dramatically when you discover who was his father. But here we come to another statement of our sages, again in Gemara. And the Gemara says that the Medrash Rabbah says in Ruth in Ruth in the Medrash Rabbah in Ruth says that beschar dalet dimoyos as a reward for the four large tears that Orpah cried when she said goodbye to her mother-in-law, she gave birth Arba giborim to four mighty warriors. As I mentioned before, you should be Saf, Madan, and the most well-known world-renowned personality, famous or infamous, Goliath Golias. The four tears produce four mighty men. Rava adds, b'schar arba'im psi'os as a reward for the 40 steps that Orpah took to escort her mother-in-law Naomi back to the holy land. She didn't just say, "Bye, have a good day." She followed her and she took 40 steps. Nitla l'ol ibn Arba'im yamim, her son was given 40 days of power, of grace, to be able to stand there at the battle on the battlefield and taunt and harass and curse and frighten and terrorize the people of Israel. Now, this observation seems a little strange. The four tears represent her closeness to Naomi. They represent Orpah's sensitivity, her love to her mother-in-law, the fact that the separation didn't come easy. She didn't just want to run away. There was a kinship. She cried and she kisses her. So, it seems like at the surface that what the Gemara is saying is that was a great skhus. Because of that great skhus, she has four strong kids. But, what type of merit is that if these four kids don't turn out to be the tsatskes of society, uh the the great nachas of society. She follows her mother-in-law 40 steps that demonstrates a certain nobility. So, but as a reward of that, her son got 40 days to harass the Jewish people. What type of reward is this? It seems like he got some very, very heavy power and was allowed to harass the Jewish people. Is this a reward for a mother who wanted to have some closeness with the with our with with her mother-in-law Naomi? It almost seems like a a cruel reward for a mother. Let me tell you about the nachas that you're going to have for your child because of something good you did that for 40 days he's going to be able to curse Hashem Yisborach. In order to understand all of this, we're going to tune into another very very enigmatic and I would say tragic and difficult statement of our sages about Orpah. And Chazal who saw in the names of people unique precision and meticulousness ask why was she named Orpah? So, you might say cuz her mother was in the mood of Orpah. But the truth is names in Tanakh are always seen as capturing something of the soul of the people who have those names. Starts with Adam and Chava and Kayin and Hevel and Noach and Yitzchak and Sarah. All the names, Yaakov, Esav. Names are very significant. You see in the Shvatim that all the mothers are the ones who gave the names and each name has its message and its theme. You have to understand always what it mean You have to sometimes understand the meaning of it, but names are significant. One explanation in Medrash Rabbah in Rus says, Orpah comes from the word oref, which is the the nape. The nape. The back of the neck. She hifnesa oref l'chamosa. She turned her head on her mother-in-law. Meaning, she made an about-face and she went the other way. Where Ruth followed her mother-in-law, Orpah turned around and she showed the back, the nape so to speak, to her mother-in-law. That's why she gets that name Orpah. But then our sages tell us a completely different interpretation. It's really not so different, but a different angle. And this is where the change comes from Arpa to uh Harfa. One of the When you have crushed kernels of grain, they're called Refus. Harfa means crushed kernels of grain. And the Gemara says, why was she given this name? Hazal tell us in Maseches Sotah daf mem beis and in Medrash Rabbah Rus, and I quote, the night after Arpa left Rus, Mis'arvu bah me'ah arlos bnei adam. She had intimacy with a hundred people. That's what Hazal tell us. A hundred people. In fact, it's one of the interpretations of Arpa, she'arfin oisah me'achoreiha. People came from the back with all the intimations involved in that expression that the sages are trying to bring out. Comes the Chasam Sofer in Parshas Naso, and he says that Hazal learned out in Maseches Sotah daf yud that Shimshon, the mighty giant, was abducted by the Philistines. When he was abducted by the Philistines, he remained in prison. Vayitchanu oisah b'veis asurim. He was uh grinded like in a mill in in prison. And the Gemara says, one of the interpretations in this is that many many Philistine women came to visit Shimshon in prison because they all wanted his gene. And the Sam Sofer proves one of them was Arpa. And the child that came from that was Goliath. Which is why Goliath was so powerful. His mother was powerful, but his father was even more powerful. Meaning his father and his mother were both Jewish. So Goliath, there's no such a thing as a half a Jew. You're either Jewish or not Jewish. But Goliath wasn't even a half a Jew as an expression. He was a full Jew. At least on some level. Not everybody agrees with this interpretation of the Sam Sofer. He derives it from different sources and partials not so. But this is certainly a perspective and regardless of who his father was, the Gamara and the Medrish tell us that that night Arpa was completely completely promiscuous to a point of extremism. Now, one wonders what made them say this. So, they have sources. They derive doesn't say it explicitly, but they have sources, interpretations and commentary and the Sukum to deduce all of these things. For example, the change from Arpa to Harpa and other sources that the Hazal inside it 42 and Medrish Rab explained. But what I want to understand is what was driving this perspective to see this in Arpa? So, they say, "Well, we see it in the Sukum with the arrival from the Sukum. What is the message here? Why did this happen to Arpa? What was going on in the world of Arpa? I'm going to do for you one quote, just one, because I want to to get the flavor. Medrish Rabba, I quote. Just you should have the original quote and those who want to look it up. Medrish Rabba Rus Beis chof. Chapter section two, chapter chapter two section 20. The night that Orpah left her mother-in-law Naomi, she was physically involved with 100 men. Why is she called Orpah? Everyone with thresher like the chaff of wheat. What What's going on here? What's the story? Who is this Orpah? Why did she do this? Finally, I'm going to quote to you one more statement of the sages in Talmud Sota 42 B. The possuk says daf kaba. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law and Ruth cleaved to her. Amar Reb Yitzchak, Reb Yitzchak said. Listen to these words. Let the children of the one who kissed or was kissed be defeated by the children of the one who cleaved. Meaning, Orpah kissed her mother-in-law. Ruth cleaved to her mother-in-law. So God says, let the children of the one who kissed or was kissed, Orpah, ultimately be defeated by the one, Ruth, who cleaved to her mother-in-law. Which is again a very strange commentary. Orpah's cleaved to her mother-in-law simply represents the warm relationship they had, which didn't last. And let's let not let not let's not blame Orpah fully for this. Naomi is the one who told them both there's no future here. Go back home. You come from beautiful homes, noble homes, royal homes, good homes. You're fine schmickers of Moab. You have a You have a future. You have a destiny. Orpah was a pretty rational-minded person. You could see it. Ruth is the one who was the action. Ruth is the one who was stubborn. First of all, following her mother-in-law voluntarily. I don't know if in history that ever happened again. I don't know. Maybe there are some exceptions. But voluntarily her mother-in-law says, "Let's create boundaries." She says, "No, boundaries between you and me? Never." Imagine your mother-in-law calls you and says, "I think it's time for boundaries." And you're like, "Why would we want boundaries? It's wonderful that you come to my house whenever you want. You mix in. You tell me what type of mother, bad mother I am, what type of horrible spouse I am, how I don't know what I'm doing for Shabbos, I don't know how to have a house together, and so forth. Why would we make boundaries?" Ruth is given the ultimate TICKET FOR INDEPENDENCE. NO, I DON'T WANT. BUT BESIDES THAT, IT'S NOT JUST HER mother-in-law she's following. Okay, she was a mother-in-law maybe like no other. Like my mother-in-law. However, Ruth Hopefully she's watching. Or a friend is watching. But it's not only the mother-in-law piece. It's another piece. She's leaving a beautiful future for an unknown future. Remember, hindsight is always 20/20. When Ruth is going back to Eretz Yisrael, she's not the grandmother of David Hamelech. She's not the grandmother of Mashiach. She's a widow from Moab, a convert who has no connections, no protection, no great family, no richness, nobody inviting her, coming on her own, and ultimately they're walking around like beggars to fields taking over the leftovers. In middle of the day so they should be able to have something to eat and not die from starvation. That's not a great life of glory and dignity. Of course, it develops in a whole different way. But that's not what Ruth knows. She doesn't know the future like we know it. Is Ruth ACTING IRRATIONAL? QUITE. ORPAH IS THE rational one. And yet, we see clearly Orpah wasn't doing this out of disdain. She kisses her mother-in-law. She cries for her mother-in-law. So, what is Hashem saying? Let the children of the one who kissed be defeated by the one who cleaved as though this kiss was a horrible thing. I would say this kiss was an example and an illustration of of the normal human warm relationship they had. Okay, Ruth was on a completely different level. She had a different level of commitment, a different level of conviction. But is this kiss good or is is this kiss a moral kiss or an immoral kiss? Of course, it was a moral kiss and a and a and a beautiful one in in in a in a way. What then is the meaning of this? It's almost like the kiss versus the deveikus of Ruth is what captures the entire conflict, which of course tells us that the conflict is much deeper. It's not a conflict between good and bad, between black and white. Very few conflicts are so black and white. It's a much more subtle issue that is being conveyed here. And that's why the conflict is between the one who kissed and the one who cleaved. But as we understand clearly, the kiss of of of Orpah was one of nobility and one of warmth and one of connection. And yet, it's very different than the deveikus of Ruth. So, almost 3,000 years before uh psychoanalysis and psychology really came to the planet and took over the world. And the father of psychoanalysis is considered a man named Sigmund Freud or his real name Schlomo the Freud. So, even though he's considered the father of psychoanalysis, but that's not really the case. Because if you study most stories of the Tanakh, the way they are explained by the sages who were sensitive to nuance, one could find literally endless patterns that focus on profound psychological and psychoanalytical patterns within the human psyche. And here you'll have a classic example of this. Because without this understanding, I think it's almost impossible to appreciate the intricate web of all of the above statements and observations that we made unless we just see it as, you know, some random expressions of fury against Orpah. But when you read it and then you could understand the subplot behind it, you see that actually our sages wove for us extremely sophisticated, intelligent, stimulating, heart-stirring, soul-provoking, and most importantly, challenging message for us like all of the stories of Torah and all of the stories of the Tanakh. One of the sad observations I want to make at this moment is that people often learn Chumash and Navi, especially young young women, young men in schools, in Yeshivas, and they often feel that it's completely irrelevant to their lives. They hear another story about a ba'alas chesed, Ruth was a nice woman. They hear a story about this fellow, that fellow, this man or this woman, and there are some lessons derived, but they don't really see in many of the stories the profound relevance to their lives. It's often just dry and uh lacks a vibrancy. It's tragic because when you explore these stories from a deeper perspective, not only do they come to life, they touch on components that each of us must deal with in our lives, not only every single year, but every single month, every single week, every single day. The story of Ruth and Orpah is an extraordinary story because it represents something very profound about human experience. And for this, we have to for a few moments put ourselves into the shoes of Orpah. Orpah marries a son of Elimelech, a son of Naomi. She spends a decade with her mother-in-law. She is family with Ruth. They come from a similar source. Orpah, therefore, was no stranger to Jewish culture. In fact, Orpah must have been transformed by Judaism. Practically speaking, I'm just going to use cultural expressions, even though I know those times were a little bit different than now. The story of Ruth happens between the death of Yehoshua bin Nun and the advent of the first king of Israel, Saul. After Yehoshua's passing, there were 390 years of judges. There were no kings. If you remember from the Tanakh, the Jews came into Eretz Yisrael. For the first four centuries, they had no king. They had shoftim, judges, who would rule the people. And ultimately, in the days of Shmuel Hanavi, they asked for a king, and Saul was appointed the first king. And then the second king was his successor, well, his son, Ish-bosheth, and then his successor, David Hamalech, and then and then the kingdom split into two, and it was a whole other parsha between Jeroboam and Rehoboam. But the story of Ruth, although we don't have an exact The story of Ruth and Orpah, we don't have an exact date for it. And the question is, when did it happen during the period of the judges? Was it in the beginning? Was it in the middle? Most say it was towards the end, closer to the reign of King David, David, cuz Ruth was a great-grandmother. And it was still close to Samson, especially according to the above perspective of the Chasam Sofer, that Samson was a contemporary of Ruth and Orpah. But the bottom line is that this is in an era before there's a king, therefore before there's a Beit Hamikdash. So, it's the early days of Jewish history in the land of Israel, the first few centuries of Jewish history in the land of Israel. But Judaism was alive in Naomi's heart. Intimacy with God is part of Naomi's soul. You could see it in her words. You could see it how she speaks to her daughters and all. You could see how she deals with her own fate and her own tragedies, her resolve, and her conviction, and how she deals with Ruth and making her own shidduch. You also see in Naomi a very wise Yiddishe mama who said has a long-term vision. And Orpah sees all of this. What our sages are trying to tell us is that Orpah's tears were not crocodile fake tears. Orpah's kiss was not a fake kiss of just a full superficial gesture. Bye-bye, it was great seeing you and knowing you have a good day. And then when you leave when they leave, you know, you sometimes you have a guest and when they leave you say Baruch she patrani? Thank God this person left my house. No. Arpa's tears were powerful. Arpa's kiss was genuine. Arpa's 40 steps were no 40 big deal. She walked 40 steps. I also walked 40 steps. You walk What is What's 40 You know what 40 steps are? You go from here to there, you have 40 steps. So, because I walk 40 steps, I'm also going to have four giants as children? What's these 40 steps? Everybody walks 40 steps. Whatever you want to do, you have to walk 40 steps. Even if you want to get a piece of cake, you need 40 steps. It's right here, right there. You want a coffee, you need 40 steps. No. There are 40 steps and there are 40 steps. There are 40 steps in which I'm walking to get a tissue, to go do something, to go to my car, to pick something up, or to say hi to somebody, or to shut off a video. But what if the 40 steps are 40 steps in which my internal my internal soul is turning over? It's 40 steps in which I'm experiencing an existential crisis, in which I'm being torn between two universes, in which a dichotomy that is so deep and profound is playing itself out. Those 40 steps look like 40 steps, but they're really 40 million steps. Sometimes 40 seconds of a life can just be 40 seconds, or the tension, the depth that is loaded in those 40 seconds are so powerful, it could be 40 years. It works both ways. By Yaakov and Rachel it says, "Vayehi einav kiyamim achadim ba'avasa parshas Vayeitzei." He cherished Rachel so much, seven years went by like two days. Like a few days and sometimes a few days go by like seven years. It's called the theory of relativity. Three three as somebody asked me Well, somebody Well, somebody a Jew once said, "I don't know why Einstein not me. So a Jew once said, "I don't know why Einstein won the Nobel Prize for the theory of relativity. I always knew that everything is relative." Three strands of hair on a head, a bald head, are nothing. What are they? Three strands of hair. He says, "But in a bowl of soup, they're not nothing. They're quite significant. You're sitting in a restaurant, you get a soup with three strands of hair." I don't mean to make anybody uncomfortable, but you get the point. EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE. 40 STEPS are also relative. If during those 40 steps you're contemplating a major decision that will affect your past, present, and future, ha ha, those are not simple steps. What happened during those 40 steps? Arpa faced the greatest existential crisis in her life. She was torn between two worlds. On one hand, the world of Naomi spoke to her volumes. When she saw Naomi lighting the Shabbos candles Friday evening, pun intended because this was before the takanah of lighting candles. Let's put it differently. When she saw her welcoming the Shabbos or baking challah or saying Tehillim, pun intended cuz Tehillim was made by her grandson David. That's why I told you this is early Jewish history. But when she saw Naomi's intimate relationship with God, it spoke to her. She saw Judaism in action. She saw the relationship of Judaism to morality, to charity, to goodness, to kindness, to education, to children, to faith, to purpose. It was dedicated to a life of meaning based on the notion and the conviction that the human being, just like entire planet and the entire universe, was conceived in love. And that our battles, our journeys, our struggles had infinite meaning, value, and purpose. Man did not just evolve randomly and by mistake as a genetic mutation, but rather the human soul and the human body was carved out in infinite love by its creator, who sent it to the world with a purpose for every single part of its journey, even as life sometimes feels like a roller roller coaster, but there is a journey and there's a profound meaning and purpose in every experience in the downers as much as in the uppers, in the exhilarating moments as much as in the challenging moments. Arpa managed to get a glimpse of her mother-in-law's dedication to truth, dedication to morality, dedication to kindness. In her name and in her personality, she saw them bodyment of a life of royalty, a life of pleasantness. Vihe noya tam Hashem el elokeinu aleinu, who is the source of na'ami. Let the pleasantness of the divine dwell on us. O'mase yadeinu kein na'aleinu. As Moshe explained to you Rashi on this pasuk she'atishreshina b'mase yadech. She saw in Naomi's tent, in Naomi's face, in Naomi's behavior, the divine aura dwelling upon it. Naomi was surrounded by a halo, a halo of refinement, a halo of light, a halo of clarity. Halo? Halo Halo of clarity, halo of spirituality. She was characterized by a depth and she was characterized by a life of conviction and commitment. This cannot go unnoticed by a woman who comes from royal background, who's educated, who's thoughtful, and who's sensitive. There's a reason why Orpah initially was attracted to a Jewish kid in Moab. She had nobody in Moab. If she came from the palace, they didn't have no other shidduch. She saw something in this home. Even though this home was not a regular home. This is the home that deserted the people. But still, relative to the paganism, to the promiscuity, these are This is These are the times when pagan idolatry is rampant. Pagan idolatry had absolutely no boundaries. Your children were your property. You treated You could treat your children like you treat your your your assets, your physical assets. The same is true how women were treated. The same is true how relationships were treated, how families were treated. There were idols where they would sacrifice children Idolatry, they would sacrifice children. Violence and bloodshed was the name of the game. The kings were gods and there was nobody above them. There was no concept of equality in the eyes of God. Nobody is above the law. These were all revolutions that Judaism introduced, that nobody is above the law. Everyone is responsible to God. There's a morality that unites everybody. Might is not right. There are limits to power. There are values. God expects something from you. Orpah saw the world of Naomi. But Orpah was also attracted to another world. She had a very, very warm spot in her heart, a fuzzy spot in her heart, for Moab. There was something very attractive and appealing, I should say there is still something very attractive and appealing in the doctrines of Moab, which basically say, you do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want, however you want. No limits to power, no inhibitions whatsoever. What seems like absolute expression of freedom, self-actualization, self-expression. Your passions, your instincts, your habits, sometimes your addictions. Your character becomes your god. In the image of man, god is created. Rather than in the image of god, man is created. Moab represents a world of absolutes, of a world where there are absolutely no moral inhibitions whatsoever, but you are free to exercise literally every instinct the moment it comes. There's something very appealing about this to many, many people. In fact, as I speak today, there are lots of people, I'm not going to give a number, that will hold on to this with every fiber of their being. Because this conversation is the easiest conversation to have. This lifestyle, at least at the surface, seems like the easiest lifestyle to have. Why burden me with the presence of an invisible god? Why burden me with moral limits? Why burden me with the words duty and responsibility? Why burden me with anything? Get rid of the burdens. I just want to have uninhibited expression of all types of freedom the way I conceive it at the moment. Which world would Orpah ultimately embrace? Those were the questions during those 40 steps. They weren't necessarily conscious questions articulated in a logical way. They were burning questions in the depths of her soul and psyche. 10 years with Naomi, is she going to throw that away? Rationally, Naomi was saying go back. You have no future. You don't have a responsibility to me, my husband, my deceased children. You were good wives. Go back where you came from and I'm sure you'll be good girls over there relative to others. You'll still stand out. Ruth made one decision. Orpah said, "It really doesn't make sense." She cried and she kissed. What did that kiss represent? It wasn't a regular kiss. Have a good day. Have a good life. The kiss Vatisak Orpah Lakhamoisa is a kiss that contained all the anxiety, all the ambivalence that was in Orpah's heart. I love you. I cherish you. I will cry when I think about you, but my future cannot be with you. Orpah leaves. She doesn't turn around physically. But what happens to a mother living with such ambivalence? In Hebrew, we have no word for ambivalence. Do you know that? Anybody knows a word for ambivalence in Hebrew? We don't have a word for ambivalence. We only have a tune for it, a note for it. I once shared with you about this note. It's called shalsheles. It's only four times in Chumash and the first time it's found by none other than the great great great great great grandfather of Arpa, whose name was Lot. He refuses to leave S'dom, his new life. He left Avram. He had a bright future. He ends up in S'dom. HIS DAUGHTERS INTERMARRY IN S'DOM. Ruth is always connected to Chumash. Lot's two daughters INTERMARRIED SUCCESSFULLY. HE MADE IT. HE IS the Jew who came from the ghetto, learned English, or German, or Russian. And he not only was integrated, he joined the Supreme Court of S'dom. The Lot yoshev bashaar S'dom, Rashi says, "Minu shofet." This Jew became the supreme A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE IN S'DOM. Is there more nachas for an assimilated Jewish mother? My kid the doctor? MY BOY the Supreme Court justice of S'dom? Now, Lot didn't have a mother, but I'm talking about the mother in concept. Lot made it. His two daughters married out. Wow, he was fully accepted. But then at a moment of truth, when he invited two guests into his home to feed them, he fought had the Yiddisher guta heart of Avraham Avinu. The Jewish kindness embedded in the Jewish gene. The Gemara says in Yevamos, "Shlosha simanim yesh b'umah zu bashanim rachmanim v'gomlei chassadim." There are three signs for a member of the Jewish people. There's a bashfulness, a shyness, a sensitivity. There's compassion, and there's kindness and generosity. If somebody lacks these three, the Gamorah says, you have to know if they're Jewish or not. And it's not This is not a joke. This is a serious thing. For the Jewish people, for a Jew, cruelty is one of the hardest things for him to be able to digest. Jews couldn't believe what's happening, what the Germans are doing, cuz they Most of them couldn't conceive a level of cruelty. Doesn't mean there are no tough, harsh, mean, cruel Jews. But there's a level of cruelty most Jews till today can't even entertain. It's almost like it can't happen. If it happened, I may can't prove it, but it's almost like a person can't do this. Oh, where are you living? Of course a person can do this. You can't do this. Your mother can't do this. There are people who can do this. Something people don't don't understand. Yaitzer leiva adam ramenurav. And this is not about racism, because a non-Jew converts to Judaism, it's not about race. A non-Jew converts to Judaism is exactly the same status. But for thousands of years, Jews have taught and educated and inculcated, right? For a Jewish boy, yeah? Uh in Poland, walking with his I won't say Rabbi Yadin Steinsaltz, Rabbi Yadin Even Yisrael. He says, "What was the greatest insult a father can give a boy in Poland 150 years ago when he's 9 years old?" He's taking his boy to shul on Shabbos morning, and the boy doesn't want to go. He's a He's a normal 9-year-old boy. And he doesn't want to go. And the father's slapping him, and the boy says, "I'm not interested. I DON'T WANT TO DAVEN. I DON'T LIKE SHUL. I HATE SHUL. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "I WANT TO GO PLAY WITH MY SISTER. IT'S NOT FAIR. It could have been a girl. I said 150 years ago. Relax. And uh So he says, at that moment a carriage Sunday morning a carriage is coming down the street. And in the carriage sits our grace of pirates, our hunger for us in a behima pirates and overlords. Right? Big, strong, muscular, rich. He has eight Cossack white horses leading the carriage. He has an entourage of four carriages behind him and bodyguards all over the place. And as it does our hunger for us in going down this gassola going down this narrow gassola street with his pinky. With his pinky he can destroy this little yidala taking his son to shul. And the father looks at the son and says, "IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP, YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE going to grow up like? Like him." And this was the worst insult for a Jewish boy. YOU'RE GOING TO GROW UP LIKE HIM. AND A PERSON FROM THE OUTSIDE, that's a great blessing. But the boy understood. But what do you mean? This man has everything that you don't have. With a pinky he can destroy you. But shlosha simanim yesh b'umah Yisrael, rachmanim, bayshanim, gomlei chassadim. And if he lacked that, he wasn't really human. He may be very powerful, but if he doesn't live a life of compassion and kindness, what makes him human? This is the type of education Jews got thousands of years. It did something to the people. How did I get into this? Where am I holding? Ambivalence. Light. Light. Light. Light. Light. Lot has this from his father, from his uncle Avram. He grew up in Avram's house. There's two guests standing, you take them into the house. And when the people of Sodom say, "Bring them out." Lot has become corrupt. He offers his daughters instead of his guests. That's a separate parsha. What do they tell Lot now when he refuses to give out the guests to be sodomized and abused? They tell him these faithful words. Ha ehod balagur vayishpot shofet. You're a stranger. You're a foreigner. You're going to tell us how to live? Suddenly, the great assimilated Lot WHO REACHED THE PINNACLE OF SODOM SOCIETY, WHO'S A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, WHOSE DAUGHTER IS MARRIED OUT, HE THOUGHT HE'S FINALLY MADE IT. HE OUT-GENTILED THE GENTILES. HE BECAME MORE GERMAN THAN THE GERMANS. HE KNEW GOETHE AND SCHILLER AND SCHOPENHAUER AND BACH AND MOZART BETTER THAN THE VIENNESE and the Germans. And suddenly, they looked at him and they said, "You're a dirty, old, filthy Jew." It's exactly what happened in the 1930s. Exactly what happened. Jews were more German than Germans. You're a old, filthy, you're vermin, you're bacteria, you're a curse to humanity. How do you swallow that? You can't. This is where cognitive dissonance comes in. And when they tell Lot, "Come, leave. Take your daughters and leave." And he goes to his daughters and he tells them. And what happens? Vayehi kimetsahik be'einei hasonav. His sons-in-law look at him as a laughingstock. As a jester, as a comedian. Ha ha ha God is destroying Sodom. What else is happening? What else is happening? An unauthorized unidentifiable object is going to land today from planet Mars and destroy the planet together with your God? They commit suicide. They don't argue with him. They look at him as a meshuggener. It's a dreid to commit suicide. You just laugh him off. And when the angels say, "Leave." Why you mine? He refuses. Why does he refuse? Of course, he can't just leave. He has to say goodbye to a philosophy that has guided him for 50 years, for which he said goodbye to his old uncle of Rama Venu, and he created a new future for himself. He said, "E F she loyba of Rama Venu loyba come. I'm not interested in a Rama not interested IN THIS GOD." AND SUDDENLY, HIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD CRUMBLED RIGHT before his eyes and there's nothing left of it. It's all in shambles. He is seen as a hated despised Jew who wants to take care of two guests and they tell them we're going to hurt you more than the guests. As the possuk says in parshas Vayei, Vayei moein shalsheles, ambivalence. Listen to it. It's a scratched CD. It has the shape of a zigzag. You go there, you go back, you go there, you go back, and you go there, you go back. And they have to schlep him out. Now, we won't discuss what happened with his wife. That's what's called post-cognitive dissonance. Shalsheles. There's no word for ambivalence in Chumash. The closest we have is when Eliyahu Hanavi turns to the people in Malachim Bais Perek Yud Zion and he says, Ad masai Atem poischim al sh'tei seifim? In Yiddish, reilenvet ihr tanzen auf beide chasenes? Well, if you live in Monsey, mit acht tanzen auf beide chasenes. If you live in Brooklyn, auf mit tanzen auf neun chasenes. If you live in Lakewood, drei chasenes. You have a choice if not one person is not going to speak to you for the rest of your life. You don't have a choice. But essentially, you can't dance at two weddings. You all know it. You dance at one wedding. And the old says, "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO SIT ON THE FENCE? You're going TO BE AMBIVALENT." ORPAH WAS THE MOTHER OF AMBIVALENCE. She had a good gene. Came from light. But ultimately, she has to say goodbye. She chooses the world of Moab. But can you choose the world of Moab wholeheartedly when you spent 10 years in the bosom of a woman like Naomi? You can't. So, Orpah internally is a torn person. She is a split personality. She is a dichotomized soul. She forever has a yearning for the glory of Naomi's faith and conviction. For the fact that Naomi's life has a certain dignity and purpose. For the fact that Naomi lives day-to-day with a God. She yearns for it. But on the other hand, on the other hand, she is enticed by the She is enticed by the beautiful cultural evenings that the Moab mansions create. By the waltzes and by the dancings, by people dressed up to kill, walking by receptions, drinking wine, and schmoozing with each other, and giving this nice elegant European smile that makes you feel that they are serene and life is so joyous and wholesome. Even though their marriage they can't trust, their spouses, they can trust. Even though the levels of depression, addiction, fragmentation, disassociation, moral depravity, promiscuity in the undercurrents of the Mayav society are alarming, but it's eclipsed beautifully by the waltzes of Vienna and by the smiles in the salons of Berlin and Mayav. And by all that comes with a life that has absolutely no God whatsoever. That's the story and the tragedy of Arpa. And here is the name of the game. Whatever we don't resolve in our own life doesn't disappear. It just goes over to our children. History is like a ball, like a basketball or a soccer ball. It's a round ball and it travels, the ball travels. My ball comes from my mother and my father, their ball comes from their fathers and mothers, and their ball comes from their fathers and mothers. Naturally, as the ball comes, I kick it. Do I kick it in the same direction? If I kick it in the same direction, my children will deal with the same ball in the same direction. Now, sometimes that's beautiful. But there are also balls that come our way, let's call them curve balls, of toxicity, balls that are characterized by trauma, by deep emotional repression. And here I have to make a choice. Do I just give the ball and bequeath it to my children, or do I make a choice to kick the ball in a different direction? And then my children will be opened up to a different opportunity. That's a choice every generation has to make. But one thing is clear, what I don't confront within myself, my children will have to confront. Just like what my parents didn't confront within themselves, I have to confront. This is not This is not about judging any generation. People do the best they can with the tools that they have, and we're never victims. We are never sold into situations. We're sent into them. This is not judging a mother or a father or a grandfather. Let's remember what happened 70 years ago to our people. Let's never forget that. What we are saying, however, is as we grow in awareness, we have the privilege to make new choices. And in those new choices, I can take this ball and do one of the scariest things it's possible for a human being to do. Kick it in an unfamiliar direction. Naturally, I want to kick it just the same direction. I follow the MO that I learned from childhood. This is what I know. This is how I survive. This is how I live. This is how I breathe. It's familiar. To throw the ball in a different direction shakes me up. It scares the living daylights out of my brain. There are voices in me that say, "You won't survive. There will be nothing left to you. Just go on the familiar path." Some people will even give it the foolish name of mesorah, tradition. They forget mesorah applies to truth, not to insecurity, not to trauma, not to emotional constipation, not to repression of what is really going on, and not to alienation from the true self and the true God and your true soul. That's not Masora, that's toxicity that has attached itself like a dibbuk to tradition, and sometimes we are too bruised and too robotic to distinguish between the two. And we continue the ball. Arpa never resolved that deep tension vibrating in her psyche. And you know who bequeathed little little Golias when he was a little baby, but he didn't remain a little baby for long. Apparently, Golias grew to be very very strong AND BIG. BUT HOW DO I KNOW ARPA DIDN'T RESOLVE IT? I'LL TELL YOU HOW I KNOW. CUZ THE NIGHT AFTER SHE LEFT ROOSH, WHAT DID SHE DO? ONE MAN WASN'T ENOUGH. TWO WASN'T ENOUGH. A MINION WASN'T ENOUGH. 20? 100? REALLY? WHAT WHAT DOES THAT SHOW? TELL ME PSYCHOLOGICALLY, WHAT does that mean? This is a person who is in what? In endless turmoil and pain. Has to numb it. BUT SHE CAN'T NUMB IT WITH A TRANQUILIZER. SHE CAN'T NUMB IT EVEN WITH PROZAC. SHE CAN'T even numb it like I numb it with cheesecake. She can't NUMB IT WITH AN IPHONE. SHE CAN'T NUMB IT WITH TEXTING. SHE CAN'T NUMB IT WITH SHOPPING. SHE CAN'T NUMB IT WITH TELEVISION. SHE CAN'T NUMB IT WITH OPENING HER PANTRIES EVERY MOMENT. She can't numb it with numb it. Numb it. She can't numb it with passive aggressiveness. She can't numb it by lashing out at her kids and her family. She can't numb it by a pie of pizza. She can't even numb it with one person. She needs 100 people. Can you appreciate the level of pain she is confronting, the void that sits in her heart? This doesn't tell us how lowly she was. This tells us how sensitive she was, how deep she was, how wholesome she needed to be. I once asked Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, who has dealt with addiction and recovery for 50, 60 years. And I asked him once we did a Shabbaton in Boca Raton once in Florida. And I asked him if he could tell me about his experiences with addicts over 50, 60 years, if he could tell me a few major truths he learned. And one of the things he told me was something very deep. He's learned that the community of addicts, if you can call them a community, I wouldn't call it a community, but the group of people we call addicts are usually the most spiritually sensitive in every home or every community. He says, "Everybody has pain in life, but when you're deep and you're spiritual and you're sensitive, you can't gloss it over. It's much more acute, it's much more deep, and therefore you have to go to crazy extremes in order to confront it, where other people could just move on." In other words, the depth of tragedy represents the depth of possibility. Arpa can't go to one person. Doesn't work. She tried. You don't go to a hundred if you don't have one. But this is our And when? The night after she left Rus. So tell me, how do you understand such a Gemara? So if you learn it superficially, you say, "Oh, she was such a lowlife." Come on. Lowlifes don't have 100 people. LOWLIFES HAVE ONE OR TWO. ASK ALL GOOD LOWLIFES. They have one person, two people. How do you mean? I'm having three, fine. 100? What's 100? 100 is my sugar. There was MY SUGAR OF TIGHT. YOUR ADDICTION KNOWS NO BOUNDS. WHY? CUZ IT WAS THE NIGHT AFTER SHE LEFT RUTH, AFTER SHE LEFT NAOMI AND RUTH. And yet, this became her life. This became her life. And Shimshon, from an opposite extreme, is coming from THE SAME WORLD. ORPAH UNDERSTANDS SHIMSHON BETTER THAN ANY PHILISTINE UNDERSTANDS SHIMSHON. WHAT DO THEY KNOW ABOUT SHIMSHON? Delilah understood a little bit about Shimshon, Delilah, BUT NOBODY LIKE ORPAH. NOW, THIS IS NOT THE STORY OF SHIMSHON needs a whole other series. We're not now exploring Shimshon, but I'm just touching on it. Shimshon and Orpah, they They They for stain the hand of her. They understand each other. The Gamorah says, "Shimshon sighted a few Shimshon Nikro Shmo Shmo Hakadosh Baruchu." Shimshon was named for God. Ki Shemesh Umogen Hashem Elokeinu. God is called a Shemesh in Tehillim Kapitel Pedola, a sun. And here the word is the sun, the luminescence, the brightness, the intensity, the warmth that the sun cast upon our planet is a metaphor and a parable for who Shimshon is in terms of his divine energy with which he could brighten up the world. Orpah doesn't see her face. Orpah only sees her back, her nape. Orpah never embraces her Pnimius. She only embraces her Orif, her Chitzonius. And now she has children. And the children carry the genes, the DNA, and the experiences of Mommy and tati. And here you have a boy Golias. Golias grew up in a home and in that home the Jewish people may never have been mentioned. But the Jewish people were alive and well in the subconscious of Arpa and therefore the subconscious OF GOLIAS. WHEN GOLIAS COMES OUT 40 days to curse the Jewish people, he's not cursing an enemy, a foreign enemy. You know WHO HE'S CURSING? HIMSELF. HE'S TRYING TO SHUT DOWN, STIFLE and silence his own UNRESOLVED PAIN, ANXIETY, TRAUMA. HE'S TRYING to deal with his own skeletons and ghosts and demons that his mother never DEALT WITH. OF COURSE THE GAMARA SAYS HE DID IT 40 DAYS because the Torah was given in 40 days. OF COURSE HE CAME IN THE MORNING AND IN THE evening because Krias Shema is the morning and IN THE EVENING. GOLIAS CAME FROM THAT MOTHER WHO WHEN THE SUN ROSE UP THERE WAS A VOICE IN HER THAT SAID IT'S TIME FOR KRIAS SHEMA. BUT IN MAYOV IT'S NOT TIME FOR Krias Shema. When sun rises it's time to follow whatever your instinct tells you at that moment, moral or immoral, promiscuous or in promiscuous. Golias came from a source WHEN THE SUN SETS you say it's time for Krias Shema Shel Mayriv. As the sun rises and the sun sets, as day leaves room for night and night leaves room for day the voice in the Jew beacons him or her to say it's time to get up and serve God. It's time to get up and connect with your soul. It's time to get up and engage in the daily battle for transcendence. But it's not easy. You have to be alert. You have to transcend your laziness. You have to be able to confront everything that is going on in you and choose your values over your emotions and instincts. And Arpa wasn't ready for this. Golias had to destroy the keri'ah sh'ma inside of him, the 40 days of Torah inside of him. So, when the Gemara says that the schus of her four tears, she has four mighty children, or the schus of her 40 steps, her son is given 40 steps, 40 days, it's not stam a bus. You know, WE FOUND 40 40, LET'S make a good shidduch like many shidduchim and marry and that's it. Such a hakdama yavan in Sukkah. There's a very profound idea. It's the 40 steps OF NAOMI THAT WERE fueling Goliath's great revolt. It was the tears OF NAOMI THAT WERE EMBEDDED IN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF HER FOUR SONS. THEY COULDN'T ESCAPE THOSE TEARS. ORPAH. It was the TEARS OF ORPAH THAT WERE EMBEDDED IN THE SUB SUB SUB I'm saying sub three times. Now, what would have happened if Goliath LIVED IN THE WEST COAST RATHER THAN IN THE MIDDLE EAST? Some people would have said you need anger management. But, that wouldn't help. BUT, IF GOLIATH WAS SITTING ON A COUCH, WHICH IS REALLY what the Chazal always tried to do with all Tanakh stories. What they tell you is strip away the story from the physical incarnation and put the characters on a couch. Meaning, let's analyze them a little bit. Let's look at the forces behind them, especially in the literature of Kabbalah and Chassidus, p'nimiyus ha'Torah, where they're always searching for the for the core dynamics going on within their psyches, and the same is what they do with Goliath. So, when you put Goliath on that couch, there is anger, there is hate, there is heresy, there is the great curser of David and the Jewish people and Rahman but on another level who is he cursing? In Yiddish there's an expression when somebody curses, you know the expression? A shiltzich. What does a shiltzich mean? He's cursing himself. I told you a few weeks ago you point a finger at somebody you're pointing three or four fingers at yourself. GO USE A CURSING CURSING CURSING. WHAT SHILTZ DO? YOU WANT TO FIGHT? FIGHT. FIGHT. GO EAT. GO TO THE BEACH. YOU LIVE IN GAZA. There's a nice coast in Gaza. He couldn't go to the beach. He had to stand there 40 days cuz Martin Torah was beaconing was beaconing to him even if in his subconscious. He never DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A JEWISH EDUCATION. IT WAS MUCH MORE INTENSE than a JEWISH EDUCATION. IT WAS HIS MOTHER FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. And a mother is always deeper than what you learn in school. You all know that. If you don't believe me, ask your kids. You could sit in school for 70 years but your mother's attitudes and experiences go very very deep. And you have to have the first thing is awareness. It's always awareness. Now contrast Orpah with Ruth. Open up to Tehillim and you'll see the story of Ruth. The Gemara says why is Ruth called Ruth? Because her grandson saturated the world with the poems of Tehillim. Ruth comes from the word rava which means saturated. She's named Ruth because of her great grandson's poetry. Does that make sense? I give you a name because your great grandson was a great Nobel laureate poet of the Jewish people. The Gemara Midrash says she was called Ruth from the word ra'ah. She saw her mother-in-law. Orpah turned her nape. Orpah didn't see her mother in law. She saw her mother in law with her face, not only with her nape. Ruth had that unique courage that is difficult to have in life. Ruth knew everything Orpah knew. Ruth was no naive woman. You see who Ruth was. Ruth was a highly intelligent Moabite princess, just like her sister and Orpah. But Ruth understood that the ultimate secret of life lay not in ignoring your pain, ignoring temptations, repressing stuff that are going on that doesn't ever bring you closer to God. Ruth understood that the secret of life is you can identify everything that is going on in you and even honor it to a certain degree by acknowledging that this is part of the human condition that God created. And yet you could look at a certain truth and say Basherethelchi alech. Basheretolini alin. Amecha amivel akai chala kiya elakai. Basheretomusi almost beshamakover. Where you go, I go. Where you dwell, I dwell. Your people is my people. Your God is my God. Where you die, I die and that's where I will be buried. Ruth is the person who can make a choice. And her choice is not based on the fact that there are no other choices. If there are no other choices, it's not called a choice. Choice by definition means there are other choices. The foundation of Judaism is ubacharta bachaim. You should choose. YOU CAN'T CHOOSE SOMETHING IF YOU DON'T HAVE OTHER CHOICES. WHEN WE FEEL THAT WE make Judaism more appealing by ignoring and eliminating that there are other choices, we're doing an injustice to the depth of Judaism. The depth of Judaism is that I actually God believes that I can make choices. Choices means that there are choices. If I'm a robot, if I'm a mechanic, if I COULD PROGRAM MY CHILD, it's not called choice. The idea of choices means there are things that have appeal to me. They're powerful. They're real emotions, they're real instincts, they're real habits, they're real addictions sometimes. THEY'RE REAL FEARS, THEY'RE REAL INSECURITIES. I may get rid of them one day, and I may not. And yet I choose. I choose cuz I appreciate the absolute truth and value of this choice. And I tell Naomi, where you go, I will go. Your God is my God. Even if at that moment I understand very well what my sister Orpah's experiencing as she's standing right near me. Ruth and Orpah are two parts of every person. They're not two people. They are also two people, but Ruth and Orpah, like all Tanakh characters, are inside of me, they're inside of you. There's the Ruth, and there's the Orpah. So, when the Gemara wants to summarize the story, it can't do it in any more elegant, profound, majestic way than saying, Yavo'u baneha shuka, v'yiplu b'yad baneha d'vuka. It's all in Orpah's kiss. Orpah's tragedy is that she didn't to run. She didn't grow apathetic and indifferent. If she would've BEEN APATHETIC AND INDIFFERENT, GOLIATH WOULDN'T HAVE HATED JEWS SO MUCH. WHENEVER YOU HATE SOMEBODY SO MUCH, IT'S BECAUSE THAT PERSON lives in you. As somebody once SAID, "MAY BE YOU HAVE HIM AS AN ENEMY, but why do you let him live IN YOUR HEAD 24 HOURS A DAY RENT-FREE?" AT LEAST CHARGE HIM RENT. He's occupied so much space. I hate the part in me that this person somehow represents to me. If I become really indifferent, I don't hate. I let you go your way, I go my way. Orpah goes back to Moab. Naomi wasn't chasing her. Naomi didn't have a committee supervising her daughter-in-law. She wasn't that type of Schwieger. She didn't spy or she didn't visit. She Naomi was a Naomi was a very, very balanced, healthy person. She said, "You move on." IT WAS INSIDE OF ORPAH. SO, THE GEMARA SAYS, "YOU HAVE VOLUME ON A SUGAR YOU WILL BE ON A SUGAR." THE DIFFERENCE OF ORPAH AND RUTH SAYS, "ORPAH HAD THE COURAGE ONLY TO GIVE A KISS." AND SHE FOREVER FOREVER forever remember that kiss. She didn't have the courage to choose devekus, to become one, to say, "This is who I am because this is who I chose to be." Yes, could have I decided that I am somebody else? Of course. The choices in life, what does Rebbe Nachman say? Kol ha'olam gesher tzar me'od. We walk a tightrope. The Talmud Yerushalmi says, "On one side of the tightrope, on one side of the bridge, there is fire. On the other side of the bridge, there's ice. If I go this way, I get burnt. And if I go this way, I freeze." I freeze. I don't know how many better descriptions there are to the vulnerability of the tightrope walk of life. Of course, I could have been somebody else. You sometimes look at your friends and your classmates, at family members, and you look at decisions they made throughout their life. You ever go back to your high school class? And you go through the girls, and you see this one made this choice, this one made that choice. In class they were so different than you. In fact, you were considered this level and she was considered that level. And then you look 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years later and you look at people's lives. Sometimes exhilarating, sometimes tragic, sometimes inspiring, sometimes sad and painful. But always meaningful to be able to see those patterns. And it's all based on how much awareness we have and most importantly, how much courage and conviction we have to follow our deepest and truest values in life, not because there's no obstacles or struggles or options. Then you're not alive. If you don't have options, I don't know you're alive. Even ants have options. Even bees and mosquitoes have options. I'm not going to now go into analyze bees, even though I like doing that. I'm not talking about options of a for a 4-year-old. We're not talking about options of a 4-year-old. I mean, 4-year-olds also have options, vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream and other deeper options. But 4-year-olds remain in our home with our responsibility and supposed to guide them and discipline them and love them and polish their diamond so that one day when they grow up, they can make choices based on awareness. And based on the truest values. Ru says one quality was the vechus. What is davuk? Davuk means I don't give a kiss. It's easy. Who doesn't want to give Naomi a kiss? Who doesn't want to kiss certain things? We all have in our life certain values, certain traits we would love to touch. But we want to touch them with the with the point of our finger and then have the luxury to go away. We all want experiences that make us feel good. Ruth wasn't looking for an experience to make her feel good. Ruth wasn't looking for a sheer to make her feel that she's a good person and she's going to get a big portion in Marah. Ruth wasn't that person. Ruth had the courage to do to be dove. Dove means this is how I define myself. This is who I am. This is who I chose to become. dramatic and powerful words where Orpah So many experiences in life, we have a little voice of Naomi in us and we come and we cry. We cry. We love crying. We sit with tissue boxes and we hear something that touches us and we shed tears. We also like giving Naomi a kiss. It makes us feel good. We think it makes her feel good and it gives us the delusion that we're actually embracing that quality but a moment later we walk away. We step away into a different life. We almost not even aware of what we're doing. We're so split often. We're so dichotomized but then the next night I get wild. The way we let out that frustrated energy not as dramatic as Orpah but in so many different ways is just an illustration of the pain that we're in and we don't want to acknowledge it because to acknowledge it might mean acknowledging that when we went to live in time we made a mistake. So, by you might end, we just refuse. But, if sometimes you're lucky and you have two angels who slap you out and they tell you, "Don't look back. Don't go back. It's not for you. We know it's dime speaks to you, but it's really not for you. And this is true on all levels, moral, psychological, physical, spiritual, emotional. To live a life that is really real. To live a life that is infused with truth. To live a life of divinity. To be a real ambassador of God in this world, an ambassador of love, a light of hope, an ambassador of infinity. Takes awareness, courage, conviction, and tremendous commitment. It takes the commitment not to surrender to my fears, not to surrender to my wounds, not to surrender to my voids, not to surrender to my insecurities, not to surrender to everything in me that takes me away from who I really am and who I really want to be. That I must acknowledge is daily work. Not daily work, hourly work. Not hourly work, it's minute to minute. But, it's the only real choice in which my entire self is present in life. Because only Russ could look in the mirror and say, "I did the best I can. I gave it all my got. I was thrown into the marathon and I ran. I was thrown into the ocean and I swam. I was thrown into the canoe and I canoed. I was thrown into the wilderness and I I didn't survive. I thrived. I didn't survive, I thrived. Ruth could look back at her life with no regrets. Ruth could look back and then she said, "I gave it all I got. I never surrendered to external temptations that made it easier short-term." Ruth had make to make sacrifices just like Orpah. But Ruth's sacrifices brought her closer and closer to who she wanted to be at her core. And Orpah, ultimately, her choices brought her further and further away from who she wanted to be at her core. And therefore, when David confronts Goliath on that battlefield, it's almost the end of a full circle. David is looking at his own cousin removed a few times, removed a few generations. When they looked at each other, you read that Tanakh, it's a different story. These were not strangers. These were people who came ultimately from the same womb. From the selbechnait ge- geflochten. From the selbechnait geflochten, sorry. From kneaded from the same dough. Kneaded from the same dough. Or as we would say today, coming from similar genes. They could look each other in the eyes and have the sense of not camaraderie, but deep deep understanding. But there was a difference. David understood Goliath much better than Goliath understood David. Just like Ruth could understand Orpah much better than Orpah understood Ruth. Because Ruth never ignores Orpah. Ruth acknowledges the Orpah in her. She always acknowledges the nape. She always acknowledges the ayin reish. And she chooses to go with the rosh, with the face. For Orpah to be Arpa, she can't look at Roos in the face. She can't. Roos could look Arpa in the face and say, "I got it and I'm not even judgemental. I got it." You could look at yourself and say to your Arpa, "I'm not judgemental of you. I understand. I can understand. We're weak. We're trying to survive. We're little ants, sometimes spiders. You ever see ants on a toilet bowl trying to survive? You'll forgive me." And some people who are insensitive to ants throw them into the dish instead of letting them go free. And sometimes we're mommas the same way. You know, we'll hang on to sinks. We'll hang on to toothpaste. We'll hang on to anything we can hang on to. It's not about judgement. But Roos could look her in the eyes. Arpa can't look Roos in the eyes. She has to She has to crush Roos in her psyche to be able to be Arpa. She can't deal with Roos. She has to develop a certain animosity. At some point Goyus has to say, "Roos is sick. THE GOD OF THE JEWISH people is vengeful. The Jewish people are the worst of the worst. HOW COULD I NOT call you evil?" For me to survive. If I don't do that, I will have to live with you. I will have to live with the guilt. I will have to live with the remorse. I will have to live with the resentment. I will have to live with the sense of loss. I don't want to do that. I turn YOU INTO THE DEVIL and I'm free. The only thing is, I'm not free. Because the reason I turned you into the devil is cuz it's me. That's what we do. We so often do this in life. If you want to understand Roos, you just read Tehillim. If you read the book of Tehillim that was written by Dovid Hamelech, it's a book that's constantly acknowledging fear. You ever read Tehillim in English? You know, your grandmothers and great grandmothers lived with Tehillim. They lived with it. Today we say up like our Tehillim auction. Take a Tehillim in English or Yiddish unless you can understand the Hebrew and listen to David Hamelech's words and you'll see Ruth's genes manifested in David. He's always acknowledging fear, vulnerability. He's always at the abyss. There's not one chapter in Tehillim where David says, "You know, I'm sitting at my pool, enjoying a hot dog. Life is blissful in Monsey. The weather is good, 65°, not in the tent. I already lost my calories for the day from my sweating. I don't need exercise for another week. It's good. I can go eat cheesecake. I'm preparing for Shavuot. Yeah. But I don't know how hot it's by you. I know how hot it's this side of the this side of the bridge. I don't know that side of the bridge. Yeah. THERE'S NOT ONE CHAPTER OF TEHILLIM, "LIFE IS AWESOME. I am the king. I rule the world and everything is great. I do whatever I want." That's not Tehillim. David is so filled with pain. He He had a not a miserable life, but a difficult life. His own siblings saw him as a mamzer. His father thought he was illegitimate. They tried to kill him. His father-in-law tried to kill Imagine your own father, your own father-in-law. The common denominator is they both tried to kill you. It's great. Yes, yes, I know, I know. I know. I'm talking about when he was young. And then when it came to his children, it was very, very difficult life. He was an unbelievably powerful and deep person. And yet we say David Hamelech Yisrael Chai Vekayam. And the book of Tehillim explains it to you cuz in Tehillim he stands at the face of the abyss and he always chooses God knowing that the abyss is right there. That's David. That's what Ruth produced. And that's why Ruth is named Ruth, the Gemara says, because her grandson saturated the world with shirim and tishbachos. SO SHE GETS THE name and the credit FOR TEHILLIM. THAT'S NOT FAIR? YOU'RE GOING TO WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE, WE'RE GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOUR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER? Make sense? Why is David's Tehillim Ruth's credit? Just like Goliath's is rebellion is credit of Orpah. Mom always gets the credit. Just the way it is. Have a wonderful week. 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