Going To Parties & Big Events - Jewish HaShkafa (88)

hey everybody how are you we just had a real great Shure about the Jewish ashfa trying to uh get some guidance from the sages about how to protect our marriages Our Lives everything uh things that uh really should be common knowledge to everybody but they just don't seem to get the picture you know when Corona was one of the things that was supposed to teach us how to protect ourselves if somebody got sick they asked you to uh come visit the only visit they got is maybe a zoom call or a Skype call as far as getting close to them no chance whatsoever it didn't matter if it was a family friend or Family itself everyone understood somebody sick you stay away but when it comes to spirituality people take risks all the time they go to all types of inappropriate events inappropriate places of work and so on and one of the things that the sages are trying to teach us in this sh is simply what is the price of not listening and what's the reward of listening enjoy this sh give me some uh feedback of what you think and bu of theem we'll continue learning together call [Music] we are back here on our uh starting a new week on our series of Jewish ashfa the Jewish ideology that we learned from the tonight's sh will be for the of elim Ben Azel and Moshe AER Ben zman and also for foran ra and also for the the success for all of the righteous people that are watching our sh learning with us uh spreading the Torah out there and uh most importantly contributing in any way that they possibly can whether it's by sharing or working with us or donating for anyone that wants to donate uh you can go to our website uh.org or if that's uh hard for you to spell just go to BH Torah .org uh and anyone that uh donates now for the uh next month uh will uh start another new raffle which we're going to announce the uh winner of the last one uh the um and we're going to start another raffle but this time it's not going to be for a week it'll be for a month um and uh anyone that wins will automatically enter to the raffle which will uh announce the winner at that time uh also to announce the the winner the winner of the uh the last week we last three weeks we had three big Raffles three big Winners this is the fourth winner of the $500 talit Gad this is the talit with the beautiful at on it uh I show it each time just in case people uh did not see it in the previous sh it's a beautiful talit it's the same one like I wear uh they come in different colors this one is in Blue uh bashem the uh the winners that have received it so far have been very very happy bashem with what they got it's a beautiful talit and it's also very good as far as the uh uh comfort is concerned uh so we sell it on the website but uh it's much nicer to win uh than than to buy something sometimes so um we had uh a big winner last week or a couple winners uh and then we're going to have another one right now the winner of the uh talit Gad is from Pomona New York epim Jacobs Ephraim Jacobs you're the winner over the next week you're going to receive your uh this is a uh something I'm hoping that everybody is going to not only enjoy but also constantly remind them to come and watch our sh and learn together with with us uh again the raffle continues we have two now we have the raffle for theit G for anyone that donates over the next month uh enters the raffle we'll pick one winner and then uh we have the other raffle for people that uh subscribe to our YouTube channel unless you're watching it on the app but either way if if you subscribe to the YouTube channel every thousand subscribers there's going to be a new winner of uh something whether it's going to be a tanak or a or P book Orit or USB a bunch of different prices all of them worth a substantial amount of money uh that are worth it to uh to uh to win so with that being said we have a lot going on over the last month there's been quite a few parties you know in the uh in the world needless to say in the Jewish World whether it was the uh the corporate parties that different companies uh especially here in the west uh have the uh the parties the the Christmas parties uh that different companies have at the end of the year or it's the different uh you know family parties that people have uh during this time of the year or just generally throughout the whole year uh but there's been more than usual over the last month and uh although that all sounds great uh when you're in my position as far as dealing with the public and generally dealing usually with their problems uh you would deal with the outcomes of these parties and uh I cannot tell you uh how uh horrible how horrible the news is at the end of such a season because there's always the few people that uh took it too far they uh met somebody at the party and uh took it too far or they knew somebody and they both had a little bit too much to drink or they did this or they did that and there is marriage is broken and there's adultery committed and there's relationships uh tarnished and there's is uh you know endless amount of sins being made during this time of the year unfortunately uh people simply don't learn or don't want to learn and the uh divorce rate in uh in the United States is uh simply the highest it's ever been uh and it's no surprise it's no surprise that the divorce rates are higher than anyone uh has ever imagined could even be uh that you literally have a better chance of uh of uh having a plane crashed into your face than actually surviving a marriage in this country past five years that's how horrible the statistics are today with the uh with the uh uh with marriages just simply because people are either unlearned of how to actually be husbands and wives or they simply have no concept of where the red line is where where where to control themselves uh and needless to say they have no concept of what the Torah actually says about protecting yourself from sin so uh with that being said we have our dear Kish one of the great Jewish sages over the last 100 years that uh has been teaching us over the last year and a half or two years almost about what is the Jewish ideology supposed to be and of course the Jewish ideology does not only apply to people that got in trouble uh to people that are in broken marriages to people that are trying to get married to people that are you know have kids to people that are single young old it applies to all Jews all people that want to have the right Torah mentality uh when it comes to their life and of course anyone that's been watching this series over this time uh as and has applied uh these things to their life it's a needless to say that it's transformed lives left and right and quite frankly quite a few noahides uh that have been watching this series alongside with us have transformed their lives and have sent me countless emails telling me how it's helped them uh in their life in their marriages in their job in their business and they uh uh different things even uh you know parents uh are having completely renewed relationships with their kids as a result of finally understanding what the right ideology is supposed to be and that's quite frankly one of the main things that is uh in the media today when they speak about politics they're constantly speaking about you know the Lefty liberals uh anti- mentality anti-god mentality uh atheist mentality versus the uh what's supposed to be the right Wings which are supposed to be more conservative but of course today uh all of those traditional rules are out the window because you're certainly going to find people on the right with Lefty liberal mentalities and people on the left that you're not even sure what they're doing altogether uh but uh when you see that the problems in the world uh as far as the day-to-day life of people just continues to deteriorate continues to get worse you know you have to ask yourself is there a better way and of course the Torah has a better way why doesn't everybody just simply go to it one of the main reasons is simply because people are uninformed of how much wisdom is in the Torah that's one thing two is because people are simply going to false teachers different types of false teachers gurus coaches uh teachers of idolatry such as Christian it teachers of of heresy such as Islam uh or all the things that are in between teachers that are in essence many times teaching them nothing uh but they put a bow on it and uh and quite frankly make it seem like it's good the beautiful T is is is something that is unchallenged simply because it has all wisdoms in it all there are seven different types of wisdoms in the world that Hashem instituted into the world all of those you can find into the tor but for a person to actually arrive at one of those wisdoms requires a lot of prayer requires a lot of Merit and and the main reason for that is because there are so many false teachers there's so much falsehood out there that by the time the person actually presses the right button or opens the right book or understands things for what they really are versus what their convoluted mind as actually telling them it obviously requires a lot of Merit and of course the beautiful thing is and I would say the the best thing about uh being in this position of teaching people is actually seeing the results that happens to people that simply follow the Torah at all times it's difficult in the beginning doesn't matter where the person is it doesn't matter if the person has been FR and religious their whole life and they finally have uh learned this part of the Torah or it's somebody that's completely new to Judaism uh whether they're Jewish that they were secular their whole life or they're new to Judaism together uh you know and they want to convert uh it's always difficult in the beginning and the main reason for that is because it requires you to change it obligates you it tells you about all of the different things that are happening in your life without even knowing your life particularly and quite frankly telling you that your current reality your current word thought process is simply wrong now of course many people especially teachers that are looking for fame and fortune and so on don't like to speak musar don't like to speak this type type of truth because it's hard for people to accept it and when people are looking more for fame and fortune and to be popular they want everyone to like them so they simply pacify people and tell them things that are nice to hear things that appease people things that make people feel like they're great but the reality is when everyone tells you that they great that simply tells you there's no reason for you to change so then the question is how come your life still sucks how come your marriage is still terrible how come there is so much tragedy out there how come God is punishing us with one disease after another whether it be the Corona virus or other viruses or other types of Crisis that are happening in the world if everything is just so good why is God punishing us so much why is God rebuking us so much quite frankly so of course if a person applies these teachings into their life they start seeing the real mercy of God they start seeing the real beauty of God and and and actually following his toah and that's one of the reasons why we continue to do this despite the n ERS despite the people that say oh it's too much it's too this because I see the results there are literally thousands upon thousands of people that constantly contact us letting us know how it's transformed their life whether it's the new couple that uh just got married in the uh West or another one actually that just had a baby where she uh literally a young woman grew up completely reformed uh feminist completely opposite of tah mentality and today she's married about to have a baby and just sent us a beautiful letter and a a voice recording of how much her life has transformed to the better over the last couple years since she took the TOA into their life seriously or other couples that literally grew up religious to a certain extent they went to Yeshiva they went to uh Seminary but they still felt something missing and then once they started applying these teachings to their life every all of the voids simply went away and were filled with things that are obviously sad fying so the beauty of T is that although it's hard the uh the journey is not always hard and the journey does certainly ends up with good but a person has to prepare themselves to sacrifice going to heaven is not for free going to heaven is not something that is going to be easy and the says that um there are three things three things that a person needs to know that they have to sacrifice in order to attain them number one is to if a person wants to actually know Torah not just know a few books or a few stories but actually have true Torah knowledge be considered a they have to prepare themselves for sacrifice meaning they have to sacrifice the parties and the events and even food and even sex and even uh uh the uh the the time that they spend with their kids all of these things have to be minimized we're not uh Catholics or Christians where we say there's no intimacy of course we have even a series about Jewish intimacy and how beautiful it is and in fact how a person can get to the highest level of servitude of God through the intimacy that he or she would have with their spouse but needless to say even that has to be contained a person cannot be some uh some rabbit uh and thinking that they're going to be holy at the same time a woman cannot be a prostitute or immodest woman uh you know and think that she's holy like some uh somebody told me today that uh they saw a a woman dancing practically half naked at the cotel listening to music thinking that d said that you're supposed to honor hem with music and that's what he meant to go dance at the kotel of course when a person translates the T according to their own ideology they're going to arrive at convoluted things like this like going to a holy Place being IM modest but when a person listens to the holy sages that literally interpret the Torah according to the rules that we got at Mount sa according to all of the things that we have in our tradition for the last few thousand years the person is always going to arrive at the truth and the truth even though it hurts it certainly brings a lot of pleasure to a person's life so the Kish has been trying to teach us this Jewish ideology one step at a time letting us know that first and foremost a person has to understand that the to just learn M which is ethics in itself is fantastic but is not enough is not enough to just learn the law Al by itself it's fantastic to learn it it's it's necessary to learn it but it's not enough a person has to combine the two they have to learn ethics they have to learn the law why because if they learn ethics but they don't know the law then they're going to misapply those ethics and simply think everyone is wicked because they think that oh because I am such and such I control my anger I am very generous and they have a few positive things about them they think that everyone is not exactly like them is obviously Wicked but they obviously don't know how to apply the law where there are times that you need to love people and there are times you need to hate people is a Mitzvah to hate certain people that are enemies of God it's actually a positive deed just like David said Hashem I hate your enemies your enemies I hate why why how could you hate your King David because it's a mitvah to hate God's enemies so it's to just simply love everybody is not a positive thing so if a person just knows good ethics and say oh if I love everyone that makes me a good person no it actually makes you a fool on the other hand if a person only learns Al only learns the law only learns the law that person is simply go could turn out to be a very vicious person why they would apply the law in times where it's you're actually not supposed to apply the law because of ethical reasons so again a person has to learn both M and ala and that's how they could arrive at the right conclusion and this is in essence one of the things that we've been learning over the last few months of course we've learned a lot more than this in the beginning of the series about faith in hem about confidence in Hashem for anyone that wants to learn about watch the first 20 lectures of this series but needless to say here the Kish is taking it a step further a step further applying to what we said in the beginning about all of these parties these events these so-called Gatherings that people have and in essence warning us warning us from all of these types of events warning us from all of these things that could mislead a person or perhaps lead him to Gom instead of to heaven and he told us in uh the uh fourth chapter the the nth section that it may almost be said that careful observance of the law is the only way to correct one's traits for according to other schools of thought the Mitzvah is to distance oneself from trials and it's not worthwhile for a person to search for tests in order to accustom himself to correct his character traits even more so it's a moral obligation not to enter a place where one might come to be tested the same way a person must be careful not to be in a physically dangerous place as it says in theat so we're going to go further than this but here we see the Kish is in essence telling us something extraordinary here that although if you have for example a dog or a cat or a horse or any type of animal and you're training this animal you're training this dog to I don't know fetch the ball or you're training the dog not to bite people you're training this harsh to jump at certain points whatever you're doing with this animal now you could train them all day but how do you really know it's a trained animal you have to test it there's no way that you're ever going to know that this do is not going to bite somebody that looks a certain way acts a certain way says something specific unless you test it okay so the way to actually know whether your training all the work that you put into something actually works when it comes to animals is by actually testing it but when it comes to yourself when it comes to you testing yourself as far as once you've actually worked on yourself and you realize that the Torah forbids you from looking at things that are inappropriate the Torah forbid you from looking at women that are not your wife in an inappropriate way and even ones that are uh uh you're doing business with and you're doing things that are traditional you still have to be careful with the way you look at them and how and and and the way you communicate Al together needless to say women women think that they have a free ride when it comes to looking just because they don't have a male member and they don't waste seed during during their sleep they think they could just simply watch movies and look at whatever they want and this is completely wrong the one of the great sages over the last yearsin that a woman that looks at something forbidden is a Torah prohibition it's a Torah prohibition no different than a man that looks at something forbidden so it's critical for a person to understand that when it comes to training yourself you obviously have to learn a lot learn about why it's forbidden learned that it is forbidden but the question is how will you know that you're now ready to not look how will you know that you're not ready to face the challenge whether it's this or it's something else controlling your anger controlling your stingy whatever it is a person has trained themselves has read the book that I recommended a few a few months ago or uh called remove your anger from your heart fantastic uh uh book very famous among the sages over the last uh uh generation and uh several people that have bought the book have already given me great feedback about it and it's not a surprise if you see who actually uh supports this book you see the S and many other great sages support this book uh but the point being is is that a person can read this book you know and learn about why anger is terrible for them but yet the moment somebody is in front of them really doing something that's extremely annoy Annoying It's they're faced with a test they're faced with a test are they going to pass it do you know if you're going to pass it or not so the sages are telling us that although when you train animals you have to you know actually test them in order to know whether the actual training worked when it comes to yourself you're forbidden from putting yourself in front of a test you're forbidden why number one you're not an animal number one you're not an animal at least you're not supposed to be I mean if you act like an animal then the test is not going to help you anyway but the other thing is is that a person cannot test themselves because the failure of that test and the consequences of that failure are too dear so so long as you don't have to face this challenge keep training keep training and the Kish continues saying that if this is true for physical threat how much more so when it comes to the threat of the Soul now when a person looks at things from the mindset of society and uh if you tell them listen you have to test this new product that you have throw it into the market see if it works usually if it's a normal person wants to uh succeed they're not going to have a problem with testing this product and to see if it sells if it if people buy it people like it why it's it's a part of seeing whether your efforts your toil is going to Bear any fruits someone is launching a uh new uh website a new application a new something usually they'll have a uh uh you know the the uh release of it is going to have two section two segments one is like a silent relief among friends and family to see what kind of feedback you get and then after you get that feedback and you fix all of the things that you didn't think about and didn't realize that went wrong then you have the big release so if you tell somebody listen you need to do this normal person will say yeah sure of course we have to do this we have to test it out we have to throw it out there no problem now if somebody tells them Listen by the way this uh site this application this product this whatever you just made uh it has some problems you know the the buttons fall off the button doesn't work the uh you know this thing doesn't answer whatever it is now generally speaking if a person is again normal and I have to constantly emphasize normal because there are plenty of people that are abnormal uh so if a person is normal and wants to succeed they're going to take all of that feedback and say thanks a lot I appreciate you letting me know that the button doesn't work I appreciate you letting me know that the link doesn't work I appreciate you letting me know that the product doesn't work I appreciate it they're not defensive about it they're not saying oh you're stupid you're just a hater no they're they're actually happy that you told them they're happy that you told them that such and such didn't work or the the word is spelled wrong whatever issue you have the same concept goes where if let's say for example somebody's about to go give a speech or go into a meeting and you tell me he hey before you go into that meeting you have something on your nose what are they going to tell you oh thanks thanks the GL start cleaning himself up oh listen your jack your jacket has a some dirt on it oh thanks a lot they're going to fix it they're not going to be defensive about it they're going to actually love you even more so like you even more so appreciate you even more so because you warned them now this is when it comes to physicality materialism things that are day-to-day stuff but if you go to somebody and you tell them about their flaws in their spiritual State you let them know about their flaws in their character trait control where these people simply cannot control their anger or they're being too stingy or they're being too promiscuous or they're being too emodest or they're being too heretical whatever the case is when you're talking about their spirituality you will notice a very very different reaction 99 out of 100 times if not a 100 out of a 100 times what is the reaction who are you to tell me who are you to tell me that I'm being IM modest did I tell you to look at me who are you to tell me that I'm not generous enough you will be generous if you want want to be so generous how do you know how generous I am do you know what I give when I'm not here how do you know about me what do you know about me and all of a sudden they're very very defensive instead of Simply recognizing the same way that they would recognize in business and everything else when it comes to spirituality they become very very defensive you tell her listen you know you really shouldn't have reacted like that you know the kid was just trying to do uh just say something nice and uh you really just tore him up and you know just I don't know maybe uh maybe you should say uh I'm sorry what do you mean say I'm sorry he's 5 years old why should I say I'm sorry to a 5-year-old well because you wrong and you embarrassed a 5-year-old kid for no reason you thought that uh he wants this but in reality he was just about to say thank you okay whatever it doesn't matter well it kind of does matter because if the 5-year-old learns that for saying thank you you get yelled at then guess what it's going to that's going to have a domino effect ah whatever pass I I'll you know I'll buy him a toy well yeah the toy is nice but it's still not going to teach him the lesson still not it's just going to teach him that you know he got a toy so when you tell somebody listen you have some a problem with your spiritual status immediately people become defensive and not just defensive sometimes they're even willing to go to war and one of the main things that you see in the spiritual world in the world of tah especially is that all of a sudden everyone becomes a scholar how so if you tell somebody Listen by the way uh you know that uh thing you were talking about uh in know in a medical world uh I found out something that uh perhaps you want to go see this doctor oh thanks a lot I appreciate it oh by the way you know how you built that building well I actually have a friend that's an architect and he said that you should do XYZ oh yeah thanks very much appreciate that now if you tell somebody the same thing hey by the way the the Torah says that God says that I should not see a thing of nakedness among you or I'll will uh turn my back towards you meaning that hasem does not want to see any type of immodesty or he's going to run away from you you can pray but he's not listening you can uh plead but he simply ran away why because you're acting immodest you're dressed immodest You're simply modest person needless to say you could even be promiscuous which is much worse so whether male or female it's forbidden for people to be modest it's forbidden for people to be promiscuous so when you're praying to God and you're not getting an answer perhaps it's because you're uh I don't know a womanizer perhaps it's because uh I don't know maybe because you're an adulterer perhaps it's because uh your eyes are like you know the little uh uh um fountains outside that are watering my grass to go all around just look your eyes you look at everything perhaps perhaps that's the reason why God's not answering your prayers perhaps it's because you're wasting seed perhaps it's because you're desecrating the Torah perhaps it's because you're not observing the Sabbath perhaps it's because you don't eat kosher perhaps it's because you cheat in your business perhaps because you're charging people interest which is obnoxious and uh above and beyond the norm uh the bank is at a point where they're looking to uh lend you money so you could lend their money out for the crazy rates that you charge people perhaps that's the reason why God's not answering your prayers perhaps and all of a sudden the response did you get ah who died and made you God how do you know what God said well I actually just read you a verse in the Torah and in the teachings of the sages and that's actually how I know it I didn't create it God didn't actually ask me for permission when he wrote the Torah in fact I wasn't even there when he wrote the Torah because he wrote the Torah according to our tal according in 974 Generations before he created the world with black fire on White Fire so he didn't ask anybody for permission when he wrote the Torah and the rules in it so I'm just telling you what it says he doesn't like immodesty he doesn't like imorality he doesn't like people that aren't ethical in business and so on and so forth I'm just telling you what it says ah I I don't I don't my Rabbi didn't say the same thing well maybe your Rabbi is scared of you maybe you misheard him maybe I don't know either way the fact that you didn't know it until now doesn't negate the fact that it's true and the problem is that people simply do not want to hear it they don't want to hear it unless they're searching for the truth unless they have a trait of Truth within them this is the same thing when we're dealing with some of these people over the years where we're calling out and exposing some of these Wicked people whether they be rabbis or they be missionaries or the Israel the Hebrew Israelites all of these people that literally are misinterpreting the Torah according to their likings with no sources of validity and no legitimacy whatsoever and more times than not you'll see that the instead of acknowledging the truth changing the ways what are they now you don't know what you're talking about and they immediately go to the assults they immediately go into the complete rejection they immediately go into defensive mode of pretty much providing some other convoluted source that makes them seem like as if they're right no one even questions themselves to see am I right or am I wrong now the reason for that is because each and every single one of us has an evil inclination and as AEM said to that the there's an opening there's an opening that each and every one of us has that if we leave it open in our actions we leave it uh you know we leave something out there open for the evil inclination to come he's coming he's coming if you are interested in something else other than the Torah in something else other than the truth you're leaving an opening for the evil inclination to come so so long as a person is not fully committed to serving Hashem there's always going to be an endless list of excuses to justify their behavior and that's one of the things that a person needs to know about themselves to see are they really truly seeking the truth or are they already decided what the answer is and they're looking for a way to validate their answer they're looking for a way to validate their way of life they're looking for a way to validate their their their way and the truth is is that if a person was smart enough to put away their predisposition put away whatever they think is true put away whatever they think is valid put away whatever they think they know and they toiled for and simply analyze their life are you happy do you feel you have the truth do you feel like you're going in the right path now I don't mean do you like the path that you are on I don't mean do you enjoy the path but rather what I'm saying is when a person actually has the truth in their life they no longer have any questions they no longer have any doubts if you have doubts there's something missing if you are miserable there's something missing if you wake up without ambition to ear learn more and do more there's something wrong if you have have a missing links all over your argument that simply do not have an answer then perhaps you don't have the right answer at all now most people I tell no no I'm happy with my life well okay you're happy with your life but aren't you going through a divorce yeah yeah but you know I'm still happy oh you're happy about the divorce no I'm not happy about the divorce but I'm still a happy person well if you a happy person then why wasn't happiness enough to make your spouse happy and your kids happy and everybody else happy and they won't have an answer well if you're happy then how come you have questions about God as soon as something doesn't work out how come you know when the money is not coming in the checked it and clear the job fired you all of those things suddenly your faith and servitude of God all of a sudden Chang change why does it change with the times so when a person actually looks at their current situation if they're honest with themselves they'll see whether they have the truth or not now of course it's a uh it's a journey in itself to get to the truth to live the truth but one of the things that the Kish is trying to tell us here is that once a person has this truth once a person has the clear instructions from God then there's no need for you to go out there and test it because once you know that IM modesty immorality uh promiscuity stealing uh uh idolatry and so on and so forth all the laws of the Torah once you know there are whole list of things that are forbidden there are a whole list of obligations that you need to do you know whether it's prey putting on theiling observe the sabbath eat kosher and so on and so forth once you know all of those things then and that's the test itself there's no need for you to go into a nightclub to see if you're going to look or not there's no need for you to go into a place that's uh you know that's full of immorality full of gambling full of something that's forbidden just to see if you're going to fall for the test or not now when a uh person warns you about your spiritual flaw if you are actually on the path of Truth you'll accept that rebuke with open arms no different than you've accepted somebody telling you to clean your jacket or your nose or whatever it is uh to before you went and meet a very important client or a person that you were about to meet you should welcome to rebuke you should welcome someone actually telling you that you're actually going on the wrong path not because you like to be wrong but rather because now I know what I did wrong therefore I can fix it and therefore I could be on an even better path than I already was so when a person understands the value of rebuke they celebrate it but very few people ever get to that point simply because as soon as a person accepts one or two rebukes they go on a path and then they decide that they know enough to just simply continue on their own and they know that so long as they stay away from the rebuker no one will ever tell them that they're wrong and that's unfortunately one of the things that happens many times when the uh people have uh started the path of going in the right direction they start running away from the place that was actually telling them to change oh all of a sudden the rabbi is uh you know he's not for me anymore wait but isn't he the rabbi that actually helped you do jaat isn't he the rabbi that helped you convert isn't he the rabbi that helped you get married isn't he the rabbi that helped you transformed your life learn to every day yeah yeah yeah but now I need something else what do you need what do you have something else no now I'm learning from the books okay well I mean he's also learning from the books why why why don't you learn oh there's always a reason the reason generally is because people want they get to a certain point of righteousness and then they feel like I can Coast from here I could you know I'll take it things on I'm already I'm good I'm good I could just take on one thing at a time at my own Pace he gave me the Boost I got to where I am thank you very much but from here on I can handle it from here and this is by far the greatest mistake that a person can make in their life why because they simply do not understand that the challenges that they will have from this point on are even greater than the challenges they had in the beginning now although it's not the same challenges where in the beginning you had a problem with modesty in the beginning you had a problem with uh keeping Shabbat in the pre beginning you had problems with something else whatever it was so it seems like these are great problems what a person doesn't realize is that the problems they will have the difficulties they will have along the way get greater just like the says that the greater the person the greater is evil inclination and when a person doesn't pay attention to that then what they don't realize is that the evil inclination will actually let a person grow in righteousness in in Torah let them grow let them grow make them feel like they're on top of the world all of a sudden they become generous all of a sudden they want to learn all of a sudden they are good with everything they schum bite everything is good and they feel like ah I'm doing great I'm learning I'm this I'm that and the the evil inclination is sitting around the corner waiting for this person waiting waiting waiting waiting what is he waiting for he's waiting for this person to completely get his eyes off the wheel off the road start D driving with one hand like he's in some uh rap video and Coast why is he coasting cuz he thinks he's on top of the world and as soon as on top of the world he sell he sends him an atomic bomb of a test some secretary some business associate some business deal something something that he's unprepared for and that something could literally destroy his eternity he has a deal in front of him he knows it's not legal but he figures out who's looking anyway and he does the deal and the deal gets him to go to jail the deal gets him to go either the real jail in this world or the real real jail in eternity or a promiscuity type of thing with a secretary with a colleague all of these things were planned ahead how come why did God allow him to happen it's not about a allow that was always there you just didn't protect yourself why the protection you had you thought is no longer valid because you figured that you could handle it on your own so this is one of the things that the Kish is trying to tell us that a person has to be very very careful not to put himself in front of these tests and one of the main protections that a person can have in regards to these tests is to know where they stand to be honest with themselves and to know where they stand spiritually to know where they stand ethically measure themselves against the Torah and its laws and not against their logic don't think that just because you're stealing from rich people that means it's okay there's no permission to be Robin Hood in the world don't think that just because you are being pro you know a uh uh inappropriate uh only between you and your uh uh your spouse that means it's okay there obviously there a time in place for everything and a person needs to know where that time and place is now one of the big things that we saw over these holiday seasons you can call it throughout the years is that these are usually the times when the yet the evil inclination attacks people the most where people let their guard down they go to these office parties these corporate parties these family parties these amalik parties whatever parties they're going to and more times than not the either the explosion happens over there or the uh you know the plan of attack begins there and one of the things that thear tells us is to get us to to make sure that we stay away from from these types of tests now if a person doesn't know that his current environment is a test and obviously he's he's probably living there so it's important for us to recognize what is this test now the explains and he says in the page 17b which a is a that talks about how and ran were walking down a road that had a fork in it they got to the end of the road and the road was splitting into two and they have to choose which go which route to take in order to get to their destination only problem is on one road there was a church of idolatry and on the other Road there was a prostitution house both are OB obviously forbidden but they need to get to where they need to go so there's no other way to go which path is the right path one of the sages said let's take the road that would uh pass by the uh Church the house of idolatry since the inclination to its idolatry has been weakened by the uh people of the uh the men of the great assembly during the time of the temple the the BET mikdash since the desire to uh to go towards idolatry has been lessened from what it was maybe we could pass by by the church and uh not be harmed the other Sage said no no no it's better for us to go past the second path where there's the prostitution house and get a reward from heaven for overcoming our evil inclination if there's women outside and so on we don't look and in fact we learn tah during that time to keep us strong and we pass it now the commentary by the tosot starting with the uh the word nil nil says that from here we learn that a person should distance himself from the house of idolatry as much as possible because they chose the the path of the harlots meaning the house of idolatry was so bad that the church anything of idolatry so bad that it's better to go in the path where the uh there's a prostitution house so from there the first lesson we learned that idolatry is even worse than immorality but this is hard to understand what's hard to understand that one of the sages said let's go through the path of where the uh the prostitution is so we can actually get a reward for this for overcoming our desires and how do we overcome our desires by studying toah by speaking words of to along the way so we keep focused on Holiness and not look at anything that's forbidden so the K says how could this be how could this like what's the logic behind here it was simple to the toot that it's not a matter of being allowed to go near the place of harlots and it's not a matter of being forbidden to go to near the place of the church both are forbidden but of course a person has to operate in the world now what about the fact that there is a test in both regards the test of idolatry is even worse than test of immorality why there's a concept in the Torah called Mas Mas means people that are missionaries cannot control themselves they have to missionized anytime you meet any religious Christian anybody that's in connected to idolatry it's just a matter of time before they try to entice you to be born again die again I don't know do all the different against that they want and simply become one of these Idol worshippers they cannot control themselves they don't have to be a priest or a pastor or a even a uh a significant member of a church if they're a religious Christian they're connected to this idolatry they have it within them to preach in fact most of the missionizing that actually succeeds in the world is not done by the church uh pastors and and and Priests but rather by the members so the people that are connected to idolatry creat such type such type of uh impurity that it literally the missionizing becomes part of them at the same token what about harlots what about prostitution they actually although their deeds are as evil as can be forbidden as can be horrible as can be it actually it's not always that case meaning they can actually there are times where the door is shut there are times the business is closed and TOS is trying to explain that if it was not for the prohibition of passing by the house of idolatry being as bad as it is there would be no permission whatsoever to pass by the house of leery the house of prostitution because you're not allowed to be in a situ situation where there's a Temptation or a test of any kind even if one is counting on their merits of learning toah so here we see that the greatest lesson here is not necessarily just that idolatry is worse than immorality but the fact is that putting yourself in a in a in a situation where there's a test that you're going to be tested if you have have a choice you're not allowed to do so you're not allowed to do so under any any condition why because if you fail the ramifications are too severe now if a person looks at the G just from the perspective of the story of course this situation doesn't happen to you on a regular basis it's not going to happen to most people on a regular basis but if they apply to their life in a different way perhaps applied to their life in a way where it's more relevant an event someone invited you to a wedding a bar mitzvah a office party a class reunion from 20 years ago and someone invited you and uh you really want to go to see all those people and to eat the food and to have a good time but then you realize that uh well that good time is also tied to men and women dancing together in public which is forbidden to be a part of needless to say forbidden to dance together with your wife even in public needless to say times a million dancing with somebody else's wife or somebody else in public is forbidden as the say says as one of the books that was written about 600 years ago that uh people that go to these mixed dancing parties these nightclubs these weddings whatever they are where men and women are dancing uh uh together in public they don't realize that this inappropriate act this inappropriate uh uh intimate Act is creating demons and those demons don't stay at the party they go home with the people hence the reason why there are so many divorces after these parties why there are so much adultery after these parties why are there's so much problems after these parties so a person that has somebody invite them to let's say family wedding his brother his cousin his somebody that's important to him is getting married and he knows that this person is not really religious and he's going to have music on he's going to have the boys and girls dance together and he uh says listen even though I'm religious I've done chuva I've done everything but uh it's my brother he's having a wedding can I just go to the K I'll just go over there see the actual wedding ceremony itself and then I'll leave or you know what maybe I won't leave I'll just stay but I won't look I'll stay you know I'll just I'll just hang out by the by the bar have a couple drinks of course this is forbidden yeah but Rabbi but I saw that there are some rabbis that are going okay they're also going to go to gam and they're going to also going to have some demons go with them why first and foremost you're not allowed to put yourself into a test second of all the sages teach about this extensively and this is the part that most people don't understand these are not [Music] recommendations if a person wants to be on the good terms with hem they have to understand that these are obligations not recommendations the same page 18b says a SES taught that a uh one who goes to a stadium or a uh encirclement you know a type of event like uh like we just discussed and saw their conjurers Charmers all types of you know people having a like a circus people having a party people dancing together people clowning around this is considered a session of gestures asav uh wrote in chapter 1 verse one the praiseworthy is the uh is the man who did not walk in the counsel of the wicked and sat not in the session of gur but this desire is in a Torah of hem so first and foremost thear says from there we learn one of the things we learn aside from it obviously being forbidden to go to such places one of the things that the uh is teaching us is that the uh these types of places cause a person to waste his time and make a sin called which is instead of learning t uh uh they're uh neglecting TOA but even more so if a person says yeah you know listen I want to go to the party I want to go and learn tah but it's a family party it's a family party so I really got to go so the gar says the reason why David says praiseworthy is the man who did not walk in the Council of wicked but then ends that same verse by saying that he had the desire to uh to um in the Torah of hem is to teach you that if he went to the party the truth is he really didn't have any desire in a Torah of hem he just did it because he didn't have anything else to do he didn't really have any Torah why because if you had desire in the Torah you wouldn't go to that party in the first place now thear continues and says this same verse that DAV says the first T you put open the book of Psalms chapter 1 verse one it says praiseworthy is the man who walked not in the counsil of the wicked and who stood not in the path of the sinful and sat not in a session of gur right this is what it says the question the asks now hold on a second if you're saying that he did not walk in the Wicked Ways then why do you say that uh he would stand with the sinful path because it says that you know he didn't walk in the Council of the wicked and he didn't uh stand in a path of the useful of the sinful if he obviously if he didn't walk with the wicked then surely he didn't stand with the sinful and if he didn't stand with the sinful then surely uh he didn't sit with evil and make fun of the Torah so what is this what is theid really telling us rather the says what is this verse actually telling us what is trying to tell us it means to tell you that if a person merely walks in a sinful path eventually he will stand and linger there and once he stands there he will eventually associate with the scuffers and eventually scuff himself as the Torah tells us if you have become wise then the benefit gained is your becoming uh wise is is your own but if you have scuffed then you alone will bear the consequence in English if a person thinks listen there's a party there's a game it's a championship game I'm not interested in the game but all my friends are I'm not really interested in this wedding or this party but all my friends and family are so you know what I'm going to do I'll just go with them but I'll stay outside I'll hang out by the car you know whatever they're telling me come on you once you come once you come once you come once you come listen I'm not interested but they're not taking that for an inst I don't really want to make them upset you know I don't want I want to try to do K I want to you know be friends with them so you I want to do I'll just go with them and I'll say some cool things about the Torah along the way but then once we get to that place I'm going to stand outside I'm not going to go in I'm not going to go in D says in your dreams if you walked in a sinful path guess what once you get there you're not just going to stand there you're going to check out what's inside oh he's there oh Joe is here Hey Joe what's up man no no I'm outside I'm outside I'm outside but what's up man just want to say want to say hi want say oh wow look at that Steve's here too yeah come outside yeah yeah yeah I'm out I'm out here I'm out here I'm out here want you come outside no no no no it's not for me this thing I just want to say hi I just want to say hi no come on come on no no I'm just standing outside and eventually come on come on come on what happens what happens he say you know what I'm tired you know what I'm just going to take a seat I'm going to sit next to the entrance I'm gon to sit next to the I'm not gonna I'm not dancing I'm just going to sit next to the to over here oh they have food here it's kosher all right yeah yeah yeah I'll have a bite I'll have a bite I have a bite yeah yeah yeah I have some I have something I have something and all of a sudden he's in the party no no I'm not in the party well he's in the party and he's in the place and the girls and the boys and the this and all the different things are happening but no no no I'm over here I'm over he's in his mind he's not in the party and guess what everybody all of a sudden takes an interest in this guy the one guy with a keeper the one guy that's supposedly religious the one guy that has a on oh God forbid it's the religious girl oh the girl she's married she husband's back home with the kid she has the she's but she's at the party but she's in the corner no no no my I got to go I got to go home you know I just have something quick to eat say hi cuz you know cuz cuz we're family and then I'm going to go and they're on his side and you know they're not part of the party but they're inside the party but they're not part of the party but they're actually inside the party in their mind they're not in the party when their husband asks were you at the party no no no I wasn't I was I was at the entrance and guess what everyone takes an interest in this character why the Satan sends all of them like soldiers and all of a sudden hey so what do you have to say what do you why you so religious why you wearing that that that turban on your head it's not a turban it's a oh why you wear that because God said so where did he say that where where did he say that or I don't know I don't know where he said it but he said it so one of the smartmouth says wait so you're telling me you're putting that thing on your head and you don't even know where it says it don't you think that's stupid she's dumbfounded why she doesn't really have an answer she's been doing something she doesn't really know why because she hasn't learned enough but she didn't really need to learn cuz she didn't really have the question cuz she didn't care what the question is because you just wanted to do the right thing but all of a sudden this young stud put a question in her head and all of a sudden his girlfriend says yeah girl you know that's not I don't know it makes you look Muslim it doesn't make you look uh Jewish I don't know I thought you were Muslim and all of a sudden another jab no what are you talking about this is what Jewish people always wear I don't know my grandmother was Jewish she even uh survived the Holocaust she didn't wear that and all of a sudden there's another question wait wait you're grandmother she was in a holocaust she survived and she didn't she didn't wear that she she didn't wear it she has question number two and all of a sudden one of the guys that's a complete heretic he comes in and listen you believe in God and everything I don't believe in the Torah but I don't know I have I know a lot about the Torah or you know a lot about but you don't believe why what happened what why don't you believe I don't know it says in the Torah that God speaks he says he's the only God but at the same time he says let us man let's let make man in our image wait who's us if he's the only God how come there's a us and of course he's not learned enough to know this answer not because all women are not learned she in this particular hypothetical example is not learned and guess what that's the same exact thing could happened on a new b a young man comes to the party and he's he's not part of the party but he's in the party but he's not part of the party but he's in the party and everybody comes around him wait why you wearing those strings no that's a TI I understand what a TI is but why do you wear it well because God said so wait so you think that God cares if you wear those little funny strings on your on your on your clothes yeah he cares where does he say he cares where where does he say where does he say he cares and this kid's not learned enough to say that to tell him the verse he's not learned enough and then he's said tell him well no he says that way actually side says the way we should have these uh TI on a four corner garment well yeah why do you have to wear a four corner garment another guy says just wear like us no corners technically you could skip this whole Mitzvah why why why you want to look different and why you wear a beard and makes you look older what are you 25 30 years old why you wear a beard be hip you look much better before the beard and all of a sudden you no no I like the beard you like the beard is it you well sometimes oh so why don't you take it off you think you can find somebody to get married to with a beard as if no woman in the world ever married a guy with a beard and all of a sudden these things create questions questions the guy doesn't have an answer to and all of a sudden someone reminds him that yeah listen you're so religious how come you can't find a wife he's like well God hasn't sent me somebody yet and of course the Satan is ready to send somebody and one of the guys says well listen yeah my girl over here she's looking for somebody wants to talk to her yeah yeah we're friends since childhood she's looking for somebody and she acts all shy even though she wears no clothes and new stop it and he sees she's attractive and she makes a cute little smile and it's only a matter of hours before they both go to Gom for the sins they're going to make together but he's not part of the party he's not in the party but he's he's in the party but he wasn't supposed to go to the party but he went into the party and guess what the next day he and she send me text messages Rabbi I don't know I don't know what I'm going to do I just I just screwed up I don't know I've been working so hard what did I do I don't know and you think these are two examples are million examples like this and don't worry these are not specific stories with names next to them but these stories do happen and these stories have happened and they continue to happen why because people don't take the Torah to Heart they simply think it's nice nice to hear intellectually stimulating but it's for other people doesn't apply to me and that's why David says if you go to those [Music] parties you're going to fall yeah no but I'm religious EX exactly this is for the religious guy the non-religious guy this doesn't apply to why he doesn't even know who T is he doesn't know what is this applies to the religious guy this applies to the religious girl this applies to you when you're already religious and you know that this mixed dancing wedding and Bar Mitzvah and B Mitzvah and all these Mitzvah are not Mitzvah at all it's amalik it's gome it's sins but you decided to go and you said no no I'm going to stand stand on the side I'm not going to look but I'm going to look but I'm not going to look I'm going to try not to look I'm just going to have a small bite I'm just going to go for the reception you know it's family after all I don't want to cause any tension and they don't realize that's exactly what the Satan wants them to do go there and become a pinata where everybody is going to beat them with a million and a half different questions to create all types of doubts in their minds and eventually a whole bunch of sins to go along with it why because you opened an opening for the evil inclination to come he's here small opening he's already running the house it's like the story that my dear mother told me years ago that I told you guys once where there was once a guy that uh was very very rich had $10 million house and he was happy with his lot he was happy that he had everything that he wanted one day somebody knocks on his door opens the door and he sees a guy and he says yeah I can help you said I want to buy your house I'm sorry the house is not for sale I just finished building it I'm not selling it how much you want for the house no no no no you're not understanding I just said the house is not for sale well how much is it I talk $10 million but it's I'm not selling it $10 million if I give you 11 you take it no no no if you give me 50 I'm not taking it I like the house it's my house how about this what if I pay you $10,000 to have just a small spot in your house no no no no no no I'm not talking about like a room I'll give you $10,000 to just have a nail a nail stuck in your house the guy says are you serious yeah yeah yeah I want to I need listen I just want I like your house so much I just want to I'll pay you $10,000 cash right now just for a nail you got to let me know where where I can put the N to my nail the guy says you know why this guy's so stupid I'll let him for a nail sure go ahead buddy show me the money he takes out $10,000 one two three all Benjamin's brand new sparkling right from the bank the printing machine okay go ahead put your nail the guy takes the nail looks at the room over there oh you know what this is good duck duck duck duck duck right next to the living room puts it over there like okay thanks a lot appreciate good doing business with you they both sign a contract quick contract this is my nail this is the 10,000 exchange shake hands finished okay the owner of the house thinks he's the biggest genius in the world he runs to his wife he's like honey you married a genius she's all Smiley oh yeah of course I know I married a genius but why now he's like honey you don't I'm already making money off of this house making money we just spent a fortune on this house what making money I just sold a nail for $10,000 she says honey you are a genius okay everything goes good he's a genius she's a genius everyone's a genius the Real Genius is the guy that got the nail why later on that night 2:30 in the morning the guy gets out of bed who the who is knocking on my door at 2:00 in the morning opens the door who is it the same guy what what do you want listen that nail I can't stop thinking about it what do you want my hat I need to put my hat away because I don't need it anymore and I figured where could I put my hat I said you know what I could put it on my nail so can I put my hat on my nail right now he goes are you serious yeah well it's it's my nail it's my property I me I want to protect my hat okay okay no he's still happy kind of for the $10,000 that he's got okay if it's only going to cost him a hat 2 o'clock in the morning fine no yala go put your hat away on this nail takes the hat puts it on the nail like thanks a lot good doing business with you okay okay good night closes the door goes to sleep his wife says who was it honey n don't worry about it it's fine good night goes back to sleep the next day 1:00 in the morning the guy is unsure who what where somebody more knocking on the door he runs downstairs thinks it's some type of emergency who is it same guy again what what now said my jacket my jacket it's warm outside I need to put my jacket away and I was thinking where can I put my jacket I said ah what a great idea I could put it where my nail is because I need my hat so can I just put my jacket and then take my hat buddy you can't come at a normal time well listen this is when I I I didn't need it any other time I need it now and since it's my nail I need to put it there okay okay okay put it over there put it over there he lets him in he puts the jacket takes the hat and he goes on his way he's like listen can't you come at a different time I'm sorry I'll try well the next day 3:30 in the morning the guy takes out the shotgun from under his bed he thinks somebody's about to get shot because he just simply can't deal with who's at the door at 3:00 in the morning he opens the door and he sees the same guy goes I almost shot you what do you want at 3:00 in the morning goes whoa be careful buddy all I want is my jacket it's cold I just want my jacket you can't come at a normal time I don't know it's cold now I need the jacket now what do you want for me I need the jacket now take your jacket the next day 2:00 in the morning hey open the door the guy opens the door goes what do you want I was thinking of changing the nail because the nail the last time I looked at it was getting a little weak so I got a bigger nail he goes listen buddy hey you know what hold on I'm going to give you the money back take your money go find someone else you go oh no money back we have a contract he takes out the paper he shows him the paper this is our contract goes no contract this is the contract I'll take you to court go to court they go to court the judge says we're sorry sir you signed the contract it's his nail he's allowed to access his nail whenever he wants over the next few days this guy comes every day to put the nail take out the nail put a hat on the nail put the shoes on a nail put everything on a nail after a week the guy that owns a $10 million house opens the the door gives him the keys to the house he says take the whole house I'm out of here and he leaves that's the parable what can we learn from this you see when a person doesn't realize that the evil inclination the Satan is looking to destroy him he won't be careful on the great things that he built the Great family that he built the Great life that she built all of the things that God gave them they figured I have all these blessings I'm observing Torah I'm doing mitv I'm doing all these wonderful things so everything is good and they'll become a little bit more lenient when they're not necessarily supposed to become more lenient where they're going to leave a little opening cuz somebody invites them to a party or an event or an office or something and even somebody that recommends to them sing a song or listen to a song oh what's the big deal of listening to a song well it's a female you're not allowed to listen to a song by a female if you're a male no come on do you really think God really cares about that what they don't realize is that God does care about that he actually cares a whole lot about that and when they open up that door they're opening up a door for the evil inclination and once the evil inclination has a small little little opening he puts the nail and he's not leaving and he'll keep knocking and knocking and knocking and unless the person can figure out a way how to evict this evil inclination by being even stronger than they were before they allowed this evil inclination in eventually the evil inclination will take over the entire house now one of the great examples of this is in the in page 75a at the end of the eighth chapter that talks about which is a wayward child now thear gives a story that took place where there's an enormous amount of lessons to learn from it and the says taught this in the Name of Love where there was an incident where certain men set His Eyes Upon a woman and his heart became obsessed with her to the point where he became sick love sickness he's not married to her he doesn't even know her but he's infatuated with her and he cannot stop thinking about her now apparently she's not available to him but he is getting sick because of how much he wants to be with this woman he goes to the doctors and he says to the doctors I'm dying the doctors look at him and say yeah you're right the only remedy is for you to cohabit with her yeah but the rabbis you have to talk to the rabbis tell them this so the doctors come to the rabbis he said listen you have a uh you have a guy here you have a Jew here and he's part of the community and uh he has his eyes on one of the girls and he's to the point where he's sick and he's dying he won't eat he won't drink he's having a uh protest of fasting and really the only way to cure this guy is if he's allowed to uh be with her one time so the sages say let die and he won't touch her so the doctors are surprised by this because obviously they have no concept of t or anything they just figured oh since they prescribe something people should listen so then they say you know what okay maybe there's a different solution perhaps she could uh stand in front of him naked and maybe that will be enough to uh appease him you see sir with our clothes on that calms him down the rabbi say let him die and he won't see her naked okay okay before we go let's try something else perhaps we took it too far let's just you know what let them have a conversation with a wall barrier between them sort of like a phone call let her give him a let him give her a call give him a phone number let him give her a call so you can hear her voice said sages said let him die and he won't talk to her even once says that the talking will lead him to have inappropriate thoughts and the inappropriate thoughts are worse than even the sin itself for a Jew even more so than a non-jew why because the holiest place of a Jew's body is his mind that's his his intimate room with and when he has inappropriate thoughts says it's even worse than having a prostitute in a bet mikdash that t tus had says the thoughts of sin are worse than the sin itself this is what it's referring to so now the sages are looking at this say let this guy die and not and not talk to this girl let this guy die not see her naked let this guy die not touch her so then they debate wait was this woman married and that's why he's not allowed to do all of these things that's why there all the all these stringencies says we don't need this to teach us all these stringencies if she was already married because that's already given if she's married then of course he's not allowed to cohabit with her it's one of the three cardinal sins of course he's not allowed to see her uh uh in an inappropriate way because the uh the issues of of a woman that's forbidden to you is not uh something that a person needs to die for and not sin just to actually commit the ACT but even ancillary prohibitions meaning that the uh many of theim say that it's a Biblical prohibition to even gaze at a naked woman to the same extent as actually being with her meaning to the point of he needs to die but rather look at a a a naked woman that's not his wife now some uh sages say it's a rabinal Prohibition but needless to say it's a Prohibition across the board now the sages explain what are some of the reasons why there is so much stringency if she's not married because it doesn't detail if she's married or not if she's married then we know why it's prohibited she's married to somebody else but if she's not married perhaps listen he can go on a deal with her talk to her on the phone a few times and perhaps they'll get married what's the problem says no says the sages did not allow this so that the daughters of isra should not become immodest in the matters of intimacy the daughters of Israel cannot walk around just talk to anybody just because he has the the hat for them you're a princess you're the daughter of God you cannot just talk to anybody just because he wants to talk to you needless to say show yourself in an immodest way just because he has some type of sickness just because he has some type of Desire but what about the fact if she was not married and maybe they're going to get married as a result Mar says no no no his mind is full of obsession and therefore even if he married her he still will stay sick and will end up sinning with other women as a result of it and therefore they said he will not even allow to talk to her so long as his connection to her is through an obsession why this obsession is the problem it has nothing to do with her and if it's not her it's going to be somebody else so if it's coming from an inappropriate Place it'll stay an inappropriate place even if you give it to him on a silver platter it's still not going to cure his illet why cuz his his his his desire his lust is not based on this person it's based on him not controlling himself because he allowed the evil inclination to Simply take over his life so now a person that understands this understands how careful the sages were over the daughters of Israel how careful they were over the sons of Israel to make sure that we do not allow ourselves so much as a inch of room in a place that's inappropriate but yet today most people don't actually understand how to apply these laws in their day-to-day life and when they hear some of the things that some Rabbi say they say oh no that's that's too much and what I'm trying to tell you here is that the law is not only not too much but you'll see that the law that applies what we just said to actual life is the only way that a person will stop themselves will be have the strength to stop themselves from the actual horrible act in the end so one of the things that we learned in last week's Paras when the brothers the tribes came to Yakov their father to tell him that ysf is still alive they knew that if they told yov that yusf is still alive in one shot the old yov could have simply gotten a heart attack from happiness so what did they do they sent Sak the daughter of Asher to go play the harp and sing a song to calm the environment and Whisper the uh the lyrics ysf is still alive and he's the viscero of Egypt and he has two sons epim and man of course and better voice and tune that I'm singing it now but nonetheless why did they do this to calm the environment to an Essence allow yov to hear this before they finally break the news to him now the only one of the things that we learn in is the voice of a woman is considered as if it's her nakedness why because when a man listens to the voice of a woman he thinks about her nakedness her in an inappropriate way and the only time he's allowed to listen to a woman as if it's is direct family it's his daughter granddaughter it's his wife then you have permission but if it's somebody else's wife if it's just a strange woman there's no permission to listen to her sing but the doesn't just end with singing there's more details to it that are very applicable to today's world especially women that are constantly interacting with men whether they're sales women or they're speakers and so on the BET and the in section 75 and also the 214 say that the proabition of a man to hear a woman's voice applies when the voice is enticing such says when she's singing meaning that it's not just if she's singing But even if she speaks in an enticing manner this is for example is very applicable if let's say the woman is a saleswoman or she is a Hostess or anything else and she speaks to men and she has made it a habit to be flirtatious you're violating the Torah you're creting problems for yourself and for others the Mish section 75 18 says that in the event that a man will derive pleasure or have inappropriate thoughts from hearing a woman speak he may not even listen to her voice even in a situation that's generally permitted meaning if a person is like the story that we just said where he's obsessed about some woman and even just listening to her speak normally will give him inappropriate thoughts he is not allowed to hear her talk at all even if it's not singing why he is even worse further when a company or office arranges a party or something Ty a gathering between employees the event should have a between the men and the women this is 52 5284 but also if you're G to have these events especially events that they have in with it's office parties they have in synagogues these days and they have men and women playing games together this is forbidden chapter 22 18 also 308 also rash page 19B men and women playing games together is completely forbidden now of course if he's only with his wife no problem his wife and kids no problem but strangers in public completely forbidden in the rules according to the rules of the Torah what about women that are speakers public speakers the Pim WR in a section three number 14 no Section 5 Al 198 that it can be prohibited from for a man to hear an unrelated woman deliver a speech since when someone delivers a speech they do so in a manner that's aimed to Captivate the audience so she could speak in such a manner that could be enticing to him attractive to him sometimes you have fools bring female speakers to the synagogue to speak to the Jewish Community to men and women this is prohibited and therefore a man should not participate in a conference even if it's a business conference where they feature female speakers or presenters unless you can avoid it meaning they have multiple speakers and there's one woman of speaker when there woman speakers obviously you should leave also if let's say someone has a uh a business they shouldn't appoint the woman to add rest the business meeting where men are going to participate why although she may be really good at our job if she speaks in a certain fashion for sure some of the other guys are going to think about her in things that are not related to the job now the singing of a woman is also applicable of the prohibition even especially if it's a not doesn't matter if it's one woman or multiple women or if it's women and men singing together it's also forbidden this is also in the uh sh of the in uh section 190 the person also has to be careful with his sister-in-laws and other women that are married to other people it's a completely different sin now for that where it's a uh even if it's sister-in-law to hear her sing and things like that is forbidden according to the section 21 verse uh uhak um section 25 21 San 7 uh 217 says that that his heart will uh have inappropriate uh thoughts about her even though even if she's his sister-in-law as far as the games between men and women or entertainment that mixes men and women together one of the main things that causes adultery is that people become too com comfortable with other people's wives or other people's husbands now if a person finds himself in a situation where hearing a woman sing is unavoidable and he can't leave then he should close his ears and think about something else that doesn't think about singing at all that's what says Al P 17A says in multiple other places when a sales lady speaks to men she should take special caution to speak exclusively in an ordinary conversational tone and not in an alluring tone which men are forbidden to hear this is particularly relevant to a saleswoman whose job is to make a sale she must avoid speaking to men in a luring tone also one very good uh uh thing to do for a person that has a company where they have you know the uh The Voice uh recordings they should have the voice recording in the voice of a man so if you have Jews calling your job they're not hearing some woman speak now for a person that is either new to Torah against the Torah or simply is not sanctify themselves to the point of understanding the value of all of this they're going to immediately reject all of this say it's sexist it's anti- women it's anti- this it's anti- that and that's why the Kish is teaching us that although you may think that when you look at the outcome of all of these events that start with a simple game start with a simple sale start with a simple song start with a simple meaning start with a simple conversation that is alluring one party to more than just listen to the song More Than Just make the purchase more than just do whatever it is that it was supposed to be then you see how these innocent actions turn into promiscuity turn into immorality turn into adultery turn into all types of problems that are destroying Society day in and day out now if a person is only going to concern themselves with the big sins saying no no listen I'm not going to commit adultery I'm not going to cheat on my husband I'm not going to cheat on my wife I'm not going to do all of these big things but these small things ah come on listening to a woman sing I like listening to women sing listen listening to this watching this show it's a big deal what they don't realize is that the way the Satan enters your mind is through the small stuff he tells you listen what are you doing right now nothing you got five minutes to burn why don't you watch this uh this uh trailer of this new movie that's coming out you press play you watch the trailer all types of things happening explosions planes this that all of a sudden the there's a very attractive person on the screen kissing another person hugging another person running after another person and guess what Satan got you how you're interested now you weren't so interested in explosions you weren't interested so much in the flowers but you like that actress you like that actor you see when I have time maybe maybe maybe I'll watch that yeah but not supposed to watch movies yeah but it's a it's a superhero film superhero film and before you know it you find the time you don't have time to go to a you don't have time to go and speak to the rabbi about how to fix yourself and your marriage and everything else but you have time to watch 2hour movie and you watch it and guess what you like it it's a really good movie made you feel excited it was had high ups and cool and emotional you even teared a little bit when the good guy recovered in the last minute you even had a second tier when the good guy was really good to the good girl and they ended up living happily ever after and guess what you figure you know I like these kind of stories maybe I could maybe there's another movie oh and at the end of the movie they give you some or the beginning of the movie they give you some new trailers of different movies that are being made and you happen to see that there's another movie that the same actor or actress are playing somewhere else like wow this movie was not so bad it didn't have any complete immorality it was not so bad so maybe I could watch this other film of this person and guess what you watch this other film and you have somehow no time for Torah no time to take care of anything that you're supposed to take care of but you have those two hours for that film and before you know it you watch that film and in that film Out perhaps they have a little less clothes on and perhaps they have a little bit different things to say and there's no explosions in the sky but it gives you all types of thoughts and you start saying wow look how much this guy loves her and you start looking at these two actresses and two actors and people that are on the film as if they're real people as if this is a real event and look how much he loves her oh look how much he treats her look how he bought her that thing and look how he showed up with flowers and you start thinking about your husband like my husband didn't get me flowers like that my husband didn't sink to me in the middle of the street like a my husband didn't uh do this and that and you start comparing some fake film to your real relationship and guess what Satan got you and then he said you know what since my husband is not so good to me and he's not really interested let me let me let me pacify Myself by watching another film and you go watch another film and it happens to have one of the same actors and the same storyline and the same thing and another figment of your imagination and guess what what happens after you watch that film you happen to see that somebody else that you saw in the last couple of films also in the same theater also in the same place that you rented the film also someone is on the same Discord messaging system interested in this film commenting on the film you make friends that have similar interest because of course who wants to be alone and you make a friend and this internet friend of yours that has a common interest is commenting on the film and likes the film and has all types of things to say about the film and even a few recommendations and after you've recommended a few films to each other and you're watching a lot of things and somehow you have time for this but you don't have time for Torah you don't have time to do other things that are productive in life but needless to say you always have time for the movies and guess what he also has a recommendation of a few shows you can watch even more regularly why wait for a movie I mean after all no one has two hours all the time but a four 40 minute show everyone has time for so you start watching some shows and the shows wow those shows are really hear they're just they're just taking your heart and putting it a little bow on it because they know exactly what you want to watch especially when you want to binge watch the whole night and not go to sleep and wake up at 12:00 in the afternoon they know exactly what you need and that's what you do and you start and you have some more friends in this similar interest group and guess what happens you have these friends you have these interest and whether you're a male or a female and you're watching all these movies and your emotions your mind your life is literally enamored in every film one at a time and you start thinking of life like it's as if it's a movie you start thinking that relationships are supposed to be like the movies you start thinking that life is supposed to be like the show and therefore reality of your real relationship with your husband and wife your real relationship with your children your real relationship with your co-workers with your boss can never measure up why because you expect something fictional to fit into reality but then you feel alone no one sees the world like me I don't understand why they don't understand me because they're not watching the movie oh but if you watch those movies and the shows you'd understand me but they don't want to watch the movies so what do you do you find somebody else that's watching it and then you remember wait that group that I was in on Facebook and and Discord and WhatsApp the the movie group there was that one person you know what let me go tell him or tell her what do they think and you find out this person has a lot in common with you not only with the movies but also they're also having a family crisis they're also having a problem with their spouse they're also having a problem with their kids and their job and their life and everything else but you guys understand each other and guess what happens you become love birds oh I love you and I love you and I love you and what ends up happening is adultery this is a real story this is a story that has happened multiple times and unfortunately these stories won't stop so long as people do not stop poisoning themselves with the movies and the shows and the things that are literally meant to destroy your life now when the sages said Don't listen to women sing if you're a guy they weren't giving it as guidance as a suggestion do telling you if you listen to women sing you're going to have inappropriate thoughts not just about that woman but about other women too that you're going to hear Sing too and you're going to see dance too and you're going to do other things too it doesn't stop there you see what the sages were trying to tell us is that you think that so long as you don't commit murder as long as you're not a serial killer as long as you don't throw grenades at people as long as you're not a cannibal as long as you're not a terrorist then you're a decent person as long as you're not a bank robber you're a decent person as long as you're not a terrorist you're a decent person as long as you're not an adultery you're a decent person you're worried about the big stuff now although you're right all those things are bad forbidden and certainly you shouldn't do them but it's wrong for you to think that that's where your focus should be because if you don't focus on the small stuff the music you listen to the people you talk to the way you talk to them whom you talk to altogether how you talk to them who do you associate with what music you listen to what you allow the windows of your soul called your eyes see where you spend your time where you exert your mind if you do not pay attention to those small details then all you're doing is giving the evil inclination a nail but not just one nail a nail in your ears a nail in your mind a nail in your mouth a nail in multiple places and he's going to put his hat and his jacket and his shoes and whatever he wants until he takes over the entire house and it's no surprise that the divorce rates in the west are the highest they've ever been because Hollywood and media and different tools that the Satan has to consume your minds are the most they've ever been whether it's through movies or shows or the news or different types of things that are simply going to consume your mind even video games they're all there to take your mind away from reality put that nail in get you closer and closer to the big sin because eventually the only people you could relate to are people that are just like you because the ones that are outside of that horrible Circle the ones that are connected to God the ones that are connected to the Torah you won't be able to relate to them why they're running away from what you call home now unless you realize that you're going to think think everyone else is crazy until you realize that the only one that's crazy is the one that allowed themselves to ruin their life just because of some movies shows and all types of other things that are completely not productive or real the sages are teaching us things to protect ourselves from self-destruction it's no wonder the stoni Shalom says that a person that watches television watches the news movies even in his days we're talking about 50 years ago is committing idolatry he wasn't saying this to be a Shak ja he was one of the greatest sages in the world over the last generation Hades when someone would walk into his into his he didn't have to see them to know if they are a violated of Shabbat if they're a sinner or not because the second that this person would walk in if they were a secular person that desecrated the Shabbat immediately he would scream to get these people out of there he didn't have to see them someone had Sanctified himself to such a point that when a young man came to him yes came to him asked the sty lagon for a blessing because he's about to get married the SLE go and asked him what Yesa do you go to and he told him the Yesa as soon as the young man left the stip contacted the rabbi of the Yesa and asked him to come the rabbi came didn't know what's wrong with this boy what what happened he just came for a blessing the styler go says to him he's a very good boy but he cannot get married to a Jewish girl right now he said why not he says because he's not Jewish what do you mean he's grew up religious his whole life what do you mean he's not Jewish stle Goen says he's not Jewish styple Goen doesn't say empty statements the rashish Shiva went and checked how could this be and they found out that the young boy his mother converted when he was still a little boy but she didn't take him with her to the mikve she figured that since he's so little it's only a couple years old since she converts he converts along with her by default never converting the kid never dipping him into the mikve keeping him non-jewish and no one knew except and his messenger the stone when someone like that says watching movies watching television is idolatry you pay attention when you see Society poison the minds of children by literally creating cartoons that are homosexual there's no more obvious message than they want is today to Simply tell people that the programming that's on public television on these promiscuous channels Services the Netflix of the world are simply destroying your lives now if a person is not going to be strict with the Small Things by the time it gets to the big stuff it's already too late and that's why the sages were much more concerned with giving us intricate details of what seems like the small stuff rather than a details of the big things because it's obvious the Kish is telling us here that although it seems like the big lesson from the gar was to learn that you should stay away from idolatry even more than morality there's a secondary lesson stay away from tests altogether if you could avoid it run away from it there's no reason for you to test yourself to see if you're going to look or not going to look why because the damage is much more severe than you can imagine once you make a sin you've opened the door for the getting him out is much more difficult than you can imagine this will give people a little bit more insight about the vulnerability of their precious soul how there are a lot of things you have to stay away from and next week in this series we're going to learn a little bit more about not only other examples that are similar to the ones that we talked about today but also some more solutions some more solutions that a person can occupy themselves with one thing I can tell you is this the great sages of am whether it's the ones from 2,000 years ago or the ones from now they also had tests but their tests were different they also had difficulties but their difficulties were different but there is a great difference though about different than the you could imagine that their difficulty gave them pleasure and the last example I say before we finish tonight is a story story about R Shak who learned at some point with the brisker Reb the the RIS SL and one night that they're learning in there a certained difficulty that they can't figure out eventually R Shak leaves for the night goes home and the bris kav continues to learn through the night 2:00 in the morning he finds a solution to that question that they had he wakes up his son go wake up wake up wash your hands do I need to tell you this solution that I found to the question that and I had so the son wakes up hears it okay very good ABA he goes okay now I need you to run to shak's House and tell him this this answer his son says but but but ABA maybe he's sleeping he's not sleeping what do you mean it's 2 o00 in the morning he says the Rak will not sleep if he still has a question on his mind in Torah he's not going to sleep he's waiting for a solution so yeah but maybe he found a solution and went to sleep if he would have found the solution he would have been the first thing he would have done he would have come here and told me about it go to his house the son goes to to ra shak's house and surely 2:30 in the morning the lights are on he knocks on the door raak opens the door and he tells him the answer thanks him he closes the door there was one piece of instructions that the brisar told his son after he closes the door stay outside of the house for a couple of minutes wait to see if he turns off the lights or not if the light stay on that means he didn't like the answer it's not sufficient which means he's going to stay up and continue learning until he finds the solution but if the light turns off that means the answer is sufficient he went to sleep the sun waited few moments later the lights turned off Shak accepted the answer and was able to rest now don't think for a moment that that difficulty is any less than the difficulty people have with parties with drugs with anything else the only differences that that difficulty that had it gives an endless amount of pleasure and also an endless amount of reward in geden whereas the other is only a trap that will lead a person to G maybe is will that all of us choose the right choice to follow hasem is tor and go to heaven thank you for learning with me I'll see you again on Tuesday night for our next sh which is about Jewish intimacy different subject different type of sh and different type of development for our souls [Music]