Transcript
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In Jewish law there are two types of
obligations. We have binom
means between the person and the
omnipresent which means God
means between the person and his fellow
or his his friend which means
interpersonal relationships. So like
something that's between you and God. I
don't know worshiping idols like the
worst possible sin in the world. But who
does it hurt other than yourself?
Right? Um just between you and God.
But then like let's talk about don't
murder, you know, that that affects
somebody else, the guy you murdered, you
know, his family, society as a whole,
right? Uh don't steal, don't lie, all
that stuff that governs interpersonal
relationships. Okay, so
let's talk about the fact that Yim
Kipper is a time
for asking each other forgiveness. I
think a lot of people are familiar with
this. Even people who are not so
well-versed in Jewish law, I think are
familiar with the theme of
calling and asking for forgiveness
between Roshashana and Yim Kipper. So
let's talk a little bit about that.
Okay. So here here's the thing. God
forgives everything.
But
if you have something that belongs to
someone else, how can God forgive you?
And God can forgive anything, even idol
worship, which again is like the worst
sin. And God can forgive that.
But if you took something that belongs
to somebody else
and you're going to go to God and say,
"Can we work out a a payment plan?"
God's going to say, "Go to that guy. pay
him. Now, you know, there are payment
plans and there are payment plans. If
you stole from somebody, that's pretty
easy to work out a payment plan. You got
to pay them back the money or whatever
it is you stole.
But then there are other infractions
where you didn't take someone's money.
Maybe you took their peace of mind.
That's a much harder payment plan to
figure out. How do you pay back their
peace of mind? You know, maybe you
traumatized them. Maybe you took away
their sense of security. Maybe you took
away their dignity.
Maybe you you said hurtful words that
took away their their their self-esteem.
And how do you pay that back?
Maybe you were living in a
self-indulgent, irresponsible way that
forced them to to be worried all the
time. You took away their their their
ability to to live a productive life.
And you're going to say, "Well, they
should just go to Alanon and they'll
figure that out even if I if I continue
being a wacko." Well, you're right. But
that's their inventory, not yours. So,
do your own inventory. You don't take
someone else's inventory. The point is
that, you know, imagine if you did act
in an irresponsible way that caused
somebody else a lot of heartache and a
lot of sleepless nights. How do you pay
that back? Now again, you stole
somebody's money, stole $1,000, you can
pay $1,000.
But what do you do when you took things
that are a little bit less uh tangible?
There's the concept of amends. And
amends doesn't just mean um giving back
what you took, but it means making it
right. It means appeasement.
That's what we call uh to be Mias.
Mafias means to appease.
So I got to go to you and I got to ask
you, how can I be Mafias you? How can I
appease you? What do I got to do? What
do I do to make you feel okay about this
again?
And until I've done that or at least
attempted that, I have no business going
to God and asking for forgiveness.
So, it is very very important that
during this time of year that uh if you
have any outstanding
um eighth step list items,
let's just clear that up and let's go to
people and say to them, how can I make
it right?
What would I have to do
to give you back whatever it is that I
that I took from you?
And sometimes, a lot of times, all
people need is an apology. They just
need to see
that you're not gaslighting them
anymore. You're you're ready to say,
"You know what? Yeah, me and you have
the same version of reality. I'm not
going to lie to you anymore. That's what
happened. You're right. That's what I
did. And that was wrong. And I'm trying
not to be that kind of person anymore.
And it's very important to me that I
don't let that come between me and God.
And I think you can even be transparent
with somebody and say, "Listen,
I'm doing this out of a sense of duty.
I I don't even think I'm such a noble
person. I'm I'm not seeking you out to
make amends because I think I'm so
virtuous.
I have no choice. I've come to a point
where I realize that I cannot live a
selfish life. The only way I can live is
to do or to try to do as much as
possible what God wants for me. And I
can't live a life that's aligned with
God's will while I have old debt. So,
how do I pay up the old debt? What can I
do to make it right for you? A lot of
times, I mean, don't rely on this, but a
lot of times, just somebody hearing your
honesty
and and the fact that you're
just confirming for them what they
always kind of knew was true. That
itself is a relief. And they'll say to
you, you know what?
There's you did it already. What you
needed to do, you did. Thank you. Thank
you for confirming that I didn't make
this whole thing thing up in my mind.
Thank you for confirming that you you
were kind of rotten to me. That's it.
You know what? I'm great. I I'm great,
you know, and and I'm happy for you. It
looks like you're doing a lot better
than LA, you know, when we used to hang
out. Looks like you're on to something.
I don't know what got into you, but it,
you know, looks like it's pretty
healthy. So, just keep that up and
that's all I need from you. That's a lot
of cases that's that's what'll happen.
