Gevurah of Hod - Counting the Omer - "You're not #1" - Rabbi Alon Anava

[Music] Another thing we're going to be counting tonight is Gevurah she b'Hod. Yesterday was the 29th day of the Omer. Yesterday we were talking about that Chesed she b'Hod is making space for another person, recognizing that another person exists. And how do I do that? By acknowledging that the other person has his feelings, has his opinions, he has his life, and I have to make space for another person. This is the Chesed she b'Hod. Gevurah she b'Hod. In order for me to make space for another person, space means that to acknowledge that the person exists, and that the world is not only evolving around me, that there's other people in the world. In order for me to do that, then I have to make myself smaller. Or the Kabbalistic term to it is letzamtzem et atzmi, is to make me not as great as I think that I am, and to move myself aside a little bit. And why should I do such a thing? Is that the other person should be who he is. Sometimes people want to try to overpower another person, or try to define to them what they need to be, or me trying to control another person, or just me saying I am the center of attention, I don't care about other people. But when I want to remove myself a little bit, it's for that person to be who who that person is. And of course it all has to be aligned with the Torah. It's not when he wants to be who he is that it's against the Torah. If the person is going against the Torah, I don't have any obligation to make room for this person. I'm talking about a person that's is around me, that is following the path of the Torah, and I need to make space for that person. And in order for me to do such a thing, then I have to admit that every person has his space. That's what we said this said yesterday about Chesed she b'Hod. Hod can be explained as Hodaya, as thanking, but a Hod can also be admitting that I admit to somebody, to something. This is called Hodaa. Lehodot in Hebrew to admit is animodeh. Like you say in the morning, modeh ani lifanecha, I admit to the Kadosh Baruch Hu. You pray three times a day, we say modim anachnu lach, I admit to the Kadosh Baruch Hu that he's the master of the universe. So I have to admit that every person has his space, and not negate or disqualify somebody because I think that I'm so great. How do I do that? Then there are many ways of doing it, but first I have to know that the way to do it is that to look at every person and know that I can learn something from that person. If I'm looking at another person and right away I'm brushing him off, then I don't think that the person has any type of worth. It doesn't worth anything. But if I see I can learn from you something, then suddenly you have value. So I have to understand that I have can and should learn from any other person. I'm not the number one. Moshe Rabbeinu maybe can be the one that says that I have what to teach. But even people as great as Moshe Rabbeinu, like David Hamelech, David Hamelech says mikol melamdai hiskalti, I have learned from every person. So I have to understand that when I look at another person, I can be inspired by the person. Why? Because most likely that person has at least one or two midot, a good characteristic that is better than me. And that's the way to do it, is when I look at another person, not to look at the what he's lacking, or what he's not doing, or what he's bad at. That's very easy to find the the deficiency or the lack. Now look at another person say, what can I learn from that person? Must be that he has a much at least one midah, one attribute better than me. And if he has one thing better than me, then already there's a place for me to learn from him. And if I'm already able to learn from him, then I acknowledge, I admit that that person has also his space in the world. The only way of doing it it can only be done in the power of Gevurah, and that's making me smaller. If I don't know how to make myself smaller, then I don't know how to make space for another person. This is the Gevurah she b'Hod. Hod is when I admit that you exist, that you have a talent, that you have something that you can teach me. You have feelings, you have an existence, you're a person. How do I do that? I have to take the power of Gevurah is to contract myself, letzamtzem et atzmi, to make myself smaller. Now, I spoke last week and this week that that the Sefirah, the whole week of Hod, is one of the most important parts of the of the Tikun Hamidot. Is making a nothing out of myself. And when we think about it, what one of the things that we're doing throughout the Sefirat HaOmer, is what are we doing? We are mourning the death of the students of Rabbi Akiva. And what exactly are we mourning? Mourning, sorry. The fact that they did a sin. As great as they were, as great sages as they were, they sinned towards each other, and therefore there was a plague and they all died. So part of us mourning, because one can argue and say, "I'm not mourning death of others. Am I mourning the killing of Rabbi Akiva who died as a martyr, as a harug malchut? We don't mourn the death of anybody. Why am I mourning now the death of the students of Rabbi Akiva?" So one can look at it in a different way and say we're not necessarily mourning, rather we're trying to do a tikun for them. We're trying to do a rectification for they what they failed. And not by making them less than what they were, but obviously as great as they were, they missed something that they didn't respect each other the right way. So part of Sefirat HaOmer is doing a tikun for that. Is actually acknowledging other people. I mean, we don't know exactly what was the sin they did, but nevertheless we do know that they how is the talmud says lo nahagu kavod ze bazeh, they didn't give respect to each other. Why? I mean, there are different opinions, but we come here to do a tikun, to do a rectification. Now, usually what will be the obstacle of me making space for another person? Has to be some type of an obstacle. What would be that obstacle? Me. I am the obstacle. I am the one who will cause the problem that will make room for another person. Why? Because in my eyes I think that I'm the most successful. I'm the right I'm more right than you. And that was maybe the problem that the students of Rabbi Akiva had. I'm more right than you. I learned from the best, and I know what needs to be done. So we have also this problem that I mean again, I'm talking in general, not every layperson. Talking very general here. It's very important that people don't take it necessarily personal to their life, but either way, even in a refined way, we all have that issue that when I get into an argument, usually the argument is because I think I'm right, you think you're right. But I think that I'm right because I can't be wrong, you have to be wrong. I'm the right one. Why? Because I think that I'm the successful one. I'm the smart one. I'm the right one. So the the thing is, then if that's what I'm thinking, then it means that you don't have any value, or you don't have a a role, or you don't have a part. If I completely negate you, if I completely disqualify you, what am I thinking of you? That you are nothing. If I'm not looking at your opinion right now, or at your thought or desire, or your what you coming in into the argument, so I'm totally disqualifying you. And maybe that's what the two the students of Rabbi Akiva did, that they saw themselves as that's the only option. I don't look at you as an option. And nevertheless, this is something that I need to rectify. Gevurah she b'Hod, this is the Sefirah we're going to be counting tonight, is coming to help me with that. Because I need to admit that another person exists in the world, and that they have a space. In lashon kodesh, in Hebrew you say lehodot bimkomo shel ha'acher, I have to admit that you also have a place, you also belong in this world, you also have a mission in this world, you also have a purpose, you also have your thoughts and feelings and desires, and you know that Hashem loves you like he likes me. Maybe he likes you more, but nevertheless, but nevertheless I have to admit that you have also a place in the world. So Gevurah she b'Hod is coming to help me to do that, by making me a little bit smaller. How do I do that? By admitting that I'm not so perfect. Again, I told you Hod can be explained as Hodaya, thanking. This is one approach of looking at the entire Sefirah that I constantly have to be in a state of thanking, grateful, and appreciative. That's one way of looking at it, but also Hodaya is that I admit. So I have to admit I'm not that great. I know where I'm good at. We spoke about it yesterday and last week. I need to know what I'm good at. And I need to know where I'm great at and what are my values and what are my virtues, but I also need to know I'm not perfect, and there are many things that I'm not so great. Now, and if I admit that I'm not so great, then it means that the other person has something that is a little bit better than me. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong to admit that you are much better than me in what something that I'm not. You can be a better of and you can be a bit of musician, you can be a bit of storyteller, and you can be a bit of gardener. Doesn't matter what it is, but you're better than me in something. That's it, end of story. There's no such a thing that a person has it all. When I admit that I'm not so great, in other words, then I'm admitting that you're better than me in something. And this is the whole This is the admitting the whole da. Very important to do this entire practice the entire week of Hod Bechlalah in general, but specifically the week of Hod Hod specifically this type of practice has to be done mitokh simcha, from happiness. Not to do it by saying like like two little kids when they fight, and one of them needs to give give in or surrender, he does that because that's that's what he needs to do, but he does it still with a a sour face. Okay, you you you win. That's not the way to do it. So, do it with simcha meaning with real happiness, you know? Yeah, you're right, you're you're better than me here. You're more right than me, and so forth. Has to be done from simcha. This is the Hodaya Hodaya the admitting and the thanking it has to be done with a what's called ain tovah, with the right way of looking doing it. So, it has to be all done in the simcha. If I'm doing it in any other way, then it's not going to work. So, again, the Gevurah she be Hod is taking the power in me that allows me to narrow myself, contract myself, limit myself so that I become a little bit less, by default you become a little bit more. So, I'm making room for another person. Now, practically saying, when we want to apply that into our life, then I have to first of all be 100% honest. This is the key the key to any type of tikkun middot. If you're not honest, it's never going to work. I have to have 100% honesty here. And when I'm thinking honest, then I have to look at other people and say, do I really think that this person is worthless? So, don't look at somebody that you love. Look at somebody that you're not 100% crazy about, and ask yourself, but honestly, is that person really no good for nothing? He's like the scum of the earth, the dirt of the universe, where the world can be fine without that person? But you have to be honest, because you look at the person that you dislike. Why do you dislike? Cuz he talked about you. He lied to you. He cheated you in business. He Whatever. Insulted you in front of other people. He's smarter. He's more successful. He has more money. Whatever it is. That's kind of many the reasons why we dislike somebody. But I have to think honest. Okay, so that person did something to me. Okay, let's say he did something wrong. But that does mean that there's nothing good in that person? Even something did If somebody did something wrong to me, and I naturally don't like that person, but I should not like that person, because whatever he did to me, the Shem allowed him to do that. He's just a messenger to say that word, to do something, to slander, to cheat, take. But I have to look at a person specifically that I'm not crazy about, and say, does that person have something good? Yeah, everybody has something good. No such a thing that a person doesn't have something good. And from there, once I see the good in everybody, even the person that I don't want to see anything good, and I want to disqualify the person right away, which is the easiest thing to do, but make yourself a little bit less than what you are, and look for that good part in that person specifically that you don't like. Now, you have to memorize in your in your thought constantly that we are here to fix each other. And how do I get a tikkun for myself? When I look at you. I can't fix myself. I can't do a tikkun by myself. And I explained that many times that the main part of our avodah of our effort in this world is to refine my middot. And now, if I would live on a deserted island, would I be able to do it? No. Why would I How would I be able to refine myself if I live in the middle of nowhere? Cuz if I have to work on the middah of anger, so somebody needs to make me angry. Now, if I live in a beautiful tropical island with myself, who will get me angry? The parrots? The bananas? I need somebody to annoy me. So, I my my middah the the attribute of anger can be triggered all the time, so I can work on myself. If I have to work on patience, it can only be when people are around me. I'm not going to be able to work on myself if I'm dis if I'm not connected to anybody. So, I have to understand that how do I get my tikkun? Because of you. And usually the people around me are the ones who are going to press the buttons. As the people around me are not the ones who are necessarily the easiest to get along with. It can be a spouse, can be a kid, can be a parent, can be a coworker, whatever it is. If you look around, you'll see that the people in your life are the ones who are pressing all the buttons. But, these are the ones who causing me to be better. If I am childish, if I am narrow-minded, or if I'm what the teachings of Kabbalah explained calls it katnut hamochin, that my intelligence my intellect part is in a very limited way, so I don't see you as an assistance, I see you as a burden. This is what's called katnut hamochin. I don't see any benefit in you. I don't see your side. But if I apply what's called gadlut hamochin, that I'm able to make room for everybody and see everybody's benefit, that's how I'm able to apply in my life to understand that you are here to help me grow. And without you, I won't grow. So, again, you take this middah of Gevurah she be she be Hod, that you make yourself a nothing. You diminish yourself. And it doesn't mean that you make yourself a loser and you're saying I'm a no good for nothing. That's not what I'm talking about. We're saying that I contract myself. I take much less space. And you know, sometimes you fly, and the people sit like this on the on the seat. But I also want to share the the how do you call the armrest? Some people sit like that. Okay, you have to sit more like this. We're sharing a flight for 10 hours. It's not about you putting your elbows out. So, the entire week of Hod we have to understand that it's all about admitting that you are better. You're in some things, not in all the things. You have your your space, your feelings, your existence. When I know how to apply that, needless to say, this is one of the most powerful things to allow you to refine yourself. And this week is a very important week to to to to move on. We're kind of like in between the the tikkun of the middot between Chesed, Gevurah, and Tiferet, and and Chesed, Gevurah We started with the weeks of Chesed, Gevurah, Tiferet, and Netzach. Now, we're done with that. Hod is in the middle, and then we're finishing with Yesod and Malchut. So, we have to take this week very very serious. May Hashem will be able to do a tikkun to the students of Rabbi Akiva, and not only that, to do a tikkun for the world, and a tikkun for ourselves. And may Hashem Shem should make us successful in what we do. [Music]