Gathering In Yeshiva Today For The 2nd Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Avi Oberlander ZT”L

He's listening that he's present. I want to express that Rayoband was present today on during the yard site that's saren bringing the three days surrounding the some say three days before three days after some say the three days a day before a day after but bring the nish comes whatever this means they're more on this earth they have an awareness always there's some that they hang out here more and I want to express that we're making this gathering in the presence of Ry overlander and I want to express that we owe a tremendous gratitude this yeshiva every guy whether that whether whether whether the guys here are living in that space of gratitude I can't I can invite you to enter that space of gratitude somebody built this place that you love somebody built somebody put a lot to create such a place is nuts 17 years ago when I wanted to start this place au himself self is in Abad today called me up and for half hour screaming and yelled a very good person who cared about me deeply he said don't do it Danielle it's impossible don't do it don't create I know what you want to make and he said it's impossible it can't be done I get what you're saying it can't be done it can't be done I beg you not to do it I beg you don't do it others have tried don't do it the person said incredibly smart things why it can't be done and did have some understanding of what I wanted to do. But one of the people, one of the main people who put his life into the high school that all of us are to be part of and came from was Ray Oberlander Ben Yehud Benhud is one of the people I get confused. My son is Hud. Yehudi the Ben Yehuda. Ry overlander put incredible amounts into our MFA. Put his life put his life invested incredibly into the massa and created and put structures in place in the MFA that are all friends of his. [clears throat] Rabbi Silverman, Rabbi Wasniki had a relationship maybe aim. It's not for me. They'll define their relationship. But they were extremely extremely close to Ryolander and he he he invested tremendous amounts. I want to express that his care for Davening was something beautiful. I spoken I spoken a little bit about about his Shabas and his and his attachment to Shabas his his care for Shabas to doing things for Shabas. Shabas Shabas was elite because it had so many it was holy. There was and song that was like full of das but there was also his son Kiki doing card tricks. It was so authentic and nice and homey and comfortable and to me anything holy as jokes. I like water very because you got to know it's intense. I find I can't pull in. I can't. It doesn't do much for me. Make an intense kumitz. When you try to intensity usually, intensity usually is a symptom of not having something. You're trying to get something, trying to be something. When you have something, you don't need to be intense. Rabbi Brown and I talk about events in Yeshiva. We were talking about graduation and we were claring what to do. We had it. Let's just party. Why are we doing anything? No speeches. Let's party for a couple of hours. We have such a time and we said we actually like each other like people the graduation. We actually like like each other. It's funny you make the event. We don't have to do anything for we like people really like I I like Aviad and I like each other. Yanker we like each other. Like we could have a nice time like you don't like do that much. Intensity is in lie of like when you have stuff when you have something real anybody goes to a Shiva house the Shiva houses that are the most powerful there's laughing and crying if there's no laughing there's very little real crying because they're trying it's sad people walk in stop so you don't have to do anything it's mish that people somebody left people in in the healthy shiva homes that are the most powerful ful. There's always like a good jokes that there because people when you suppress if you suppress happiness, you can't feel sadness. If you suppress sadness, you can't feel happiness. Just be and and like like soak in what is his shabas was crazy because it was enforced. He like like chabas chabas was a real thing and in that security and comfort his kids were doing card tricks. Guys were coming and chanting and jokes and then there was like wow there was a There was that. It was like a beautiful mid of Shabases. And in many ways, Ray Overlander brought our MFA Shabas till today. The icker force, the most powerful force in the MFA. Shabas Kaidesh. The most the most powerful force in the Mifa I feel I personally feel is the force of Shabas. Shabas is powerful here. And guys, David Black, I went on a walk. I lost my mind that you validated 17 years of a yeshiva one David block the sincerity the growth what you are is beautiful and his description of liking shabas liking being with his parents liking shabas was was amazing and this is a place of shabas rayberlander brought us and handed us he ran the first seven years shabas he ran the shabas I was only but the shabas was him everything's exact by hashem and somebody who had such a such a appreciation for shabas started the shabas the shabases that we have in the mifa but I want to say is prayer also I love what's happening by chakras here these days there's a beautiful field by started us off but there's many coming in lei's part of there's many many there's many here ding and today we had four kahan by by a beautiful matzv and he was somebody who valued appreciated to watch him d he appreciated prayer appreciated took it very serious demanded a certain decorum a certain there should be a certain matzah by d he ran the tilas for the first many years of the yeshiva and the appreciation for somebody who created the culture the structure and many aspects of our yeshiva is tremendously tremendously appreciated I asked Silverman and Rabbi Wniki to each share if they could share some dakar any messages any inspiration any we make should and will be best hashem and elo for his precious nish I don't I I think in general though the snagging that's done here is is for sure is for sure an elo for his nishama but I this specifically this gathering that's that's meant for a overlander should be should be in the loot for his precious nama. I want to thank Ellie for coming to yeshiva today. Thank you for doing that [applause] for me. How many years ago, Ellie, were you in yeshiva? >> 2013 2004. It's actually 13 years ago. It's actually true. 12 and 13. 13 years ago. [clears throat] Ellie was here so he knows what I'm he knows what I'm talking about. I want to ask I want to ask Ryiki if she share for a few minutes and then we'll go to Ray Silverman. >> [clears throat] >> curious if feels this way feels this way. I'm finding over the last two years in some ways even a little before the petira different find myself going through different tufas of appreciating different aspects of her blender. Um obviously we all have things that will come to our mind at different moments but I find myself in stretches you know I there are talidum who literally think of him every day um I can't say I I think of him every day >> but it wouldn't be an exaggeration probably once every know 10 14 days once every two weeks or so I'll think about him Um, what's hit me the last few weeks, I would say three aspects that hit me the last few weeks that have been on my mind. Um, one thing I remembered when I think I think he started the kaburu with Rebi, um, B Spanish, I think I was in third year and, uh, he was running second sed was running first seder and if you were in that, you were very well taken care of and there was something was for me, it wasn't easy to approach him. Um, somehow I got over that probably because of my brother who was close with him. And I went over to him and [snorts] I asked him, I said, "I um I don't I'm not good in learning. I I struggled mightily in learning. Um, would you learn with me to help me improve in learning?" So he said, "I'll think about it. I'll get back to you." Came back the next day. Few days later, I remember exactly how long. And he offered to learn with me every day from 8:30 to 9:00 in his house. >> What? >> Oblind. And uh I would go to his house every day from 8:30 to 9. And I would sit there butchering words in Gumar. I I I did not know how to learn. He wouldn't let me use an art scroll. And we'd sit there. Remember it was ma suka and word for word, line after line, every day repeating the same. And what hit me now it was it was a big it was a very big favor that he was doing. We did it for a few months and I appreciated it. What hit me is how big he was in learning and we didn't know this. We we weren't we weren't cognizant of it when he was running the mifa. It wasn't the focus. He gave his shim that were excellent and very clear. He had his mishnab. He had his m sham shir. He had his kaburas but it wasn't the focus. His focus for us was he was a rebi's rebi he was um he was running the yeshiva everyone speak about he he was behind the scenes of everything happening in yeshiva his his limit was not our focus and what came out towards the end of his life to me and certain things that he said to me and things that I pieced together was his and his level of learning was extraordinarily high. It was a serious he he he accidentally told me um that he had a shaft with someone who's a rash now for three years straight after three full sudarim from 1000 p.m. to 2 to 2 am every night. I confirmed it with the kabus was a very he was a very big person in learning meaning he he was very very big in learning and funny we spoke about patience today in class the patience he had with me to sit and for a half hour straight every day for months on end and give me the time and the space to develop myself because that's what I'm supposed to do it's It hit me very heavily the last few weeks that something I'm supposed to do right now. If I'm supposed to learn to block Aamar, that's where I am. I'm supposed to be helping somebody in this way. That's what I'm doing and all in on whatever he's doing. Um I'm like sitting with this last few weeks that is an incredible patience and care of an individual who needs something, who wants something. and I'll put aside other things to fully focus on him and help him with his own development. I think in a certain sense it's like a it's like a snapshot or a an overall picture of who he was. It's one thing that hit me. The second thing that hit me that I've I've been focusing on, I should say, >> [clears throat] >> I was saying this last night to a bunch of his and um is right like I don't know exactly how to define my relationship. In some ways we were friends in some ways I was a I guess I don't know. Um, >> he wasn't this. I don't know how to say it right. >> I guess don't leave after the sentence. He wasn't this sadic. He wasn't this sadic. He was so normal and in a way so reachable like his There's a godless in how relatable he was. He he he was remarkable. I don't want you to misunderstand what I'm saying. He was he was out of this world. He it wasn't normal what he was doing, what he was doing, how much he was doing, at what level he was doing it. The amount of people that relied on him on a cistical level, on a individualistic level, families, yeshiva's camps, balacis on a on a large scale, a small scale was very I don't know too many people like that. very rare but so normal and down to earth and just so attainable. I took it as like a like there's someone to look at and try to model and appreciate and and and strive towards. It wasn't I I didn't feel like I'm sitting in front of the gaad and I it's like out of my it's out of my world but really he was out of my world. It's like a funny thing to express. I don't know how to say it exactly. And maybe it slides into the third thing. As I sat around the table last night, there were 10 people of all different types, different personalities. And you had the practical person to my left. You have the extraordinarily extraordinarily emotional person to my right and all different types around the table. And I feel like when when again for those who know when Mosman is to my left and he's you know a doer and he's practical and he's you know accomplishing um you know I I I can I can see a Rabbi Olander in him like a part of Rabbi Oander is like lighting up so to speak with like the just getting things done and more and more he spoke about funny enough he spoke about you know the idea of of of how busy he was without being so busy. I wonder he said we didn't feel he he was that busy he had the time for us he had the ability to listen to us and and smoo with us and whether as someone has expressed before whether it was which broom to buy someone says I don't remember which broom to buy or which yeshiva to go to or how my child for someone so busy I mean as picture like as you're ending the yeshiva year here from pes to end of the year he's also busy with starting up a camp a very very large camp the mountains And as he's ending camp, he's starting up the yeshiva very busy and yet he had so much time. He was Mo was saying like he's he's like taking on a muster, really giving all this muster. Like don't be so busy. Don't be so busy. You're not that busy. He never expressed he's so busy. It's like Momo's being Momo and he's lighting up a certain aspect of our oalander. And then you had another person being himself and he's activating another part of our and you have all these different components and and the you see so many different personalities. You see so many different lifestyles and ways to live from from the most you know quote unquote religious to the most irreligious to the most stubborn to the most easygoing and so multiaceted It was an appreciation of an individual in front of him, [snorts] a celebration. I'm going to express one more thing. And I I I feel bad for not getting it over clearly. I'm having a hard time expressing. >> Um And it could be, you know, we should really take a step back and describe him more, but just a mida that I that I really um I appreciate and strive for and it came out in conversation last night. I'll say like this. Um guys are trying to figure out where to go next year. So, I've gotten a few comments. Some were forward, some were backhanded, like a little annoyed, like, "Okay, I'll ask you where to go." You know, I know you're not going to answer me anyway, you know, and and snide remarks like that. And really, it's Oman's fault. He taught me and he taught us how to trust ourselves. And the classic response to anything you asked him was, "What do you think?" And he wasn't playing a role or using a line. He really wanted to know, "What do you think? You have a question. You have the to figure out what to do. You have the ability to figure out what's best for you. Yes, I can help sharpen a different stubborn. I can help sharpen and and be curious and help you highlight certain points. But ultimately, you have a decision to make. Trust your instinct. Trust your gut. It doesn't mean don't think about it. Of course, it means to think and go through and sit down with a friend or a Rebi or a mentor or a RV, somebody discuss the options and clarify the options. But he really taught through through discussion with you and really from watching him you see it this combination of of a of a humble confidence. There was nobody you want more at the forefront of any crisis because there was certain confidence of gibber strength of a person. It's like a a picture like a leader like just coming to the forefront to lead a group in a in a in a desperate or serious situation. There's there's a real leadership quality in that with at the same time a humility. He taught us to trust ourselves. He it's like the it's like the opposite of the ultimate gaslighting that many of us do with ourselves. We struggle with decisions that we either were taught or we teach ourselves not to trust our own gut. He taught us to really reflect within ourselves. What should I do? Someone was saying how last night his the get together he went to in Brooklyn. It was so was so multifaceted. It was sad and happy and jokes and we had this similar experience at the table. I was saying how I couldn't do that 10 years ago, 15 years ago. I didn't know how to how to just be myself and be present and it was in a certain way like it was was we were able to joke around throughout the night and funny lines and funny things and you know we were reminiscing all the funny lines he had or the way he would imitate people's walks or things people would say I don't remember if you were around for this Yakob Buer he said bro like he he like picked up on certain words he would say and guys were laugh was there he was he was laughing about it and he was very careful who he was never at someone's expense, but he he he knew where to just be. And I I hope I'm giving over a picture in some way, shape, or form. Um, but it it it's I'll say one last thing just, you know, we were we were reminiscing about the Levia and In my estimation, there were probably a thousand people there in the room. That's my guess. And you had from all walks of life. This is what what I mean by so normal. His friends came. We're talking about someone who's so busy. Like how do you have time for friends? His friends came. I know his friends. They're a few years older than me, but my brother's friends, I know them. They were very close to him. Not they were close to him like 15 years ago before he became so big and so busy. He was close to them, sending voice notes at the time, you know, throughout the last, you know, 1015 years when he's running yeshiva running a camp. His friends were his friends. He was normal. He was he was boys with them. Then he had a yeshiva showed up. It wasn't like the classy move for to show because he was there for two years. I know some of his talid from they were real. They are real talen. I know them from Tina. These these guys are 18, 19, 20 years old and they were so close and they appreciate they got it and they understood it. They they nailed it and it wasn't like a classy move. But you had all walks of life in camp and parents of campers from camp and talid and parents of Talid. He had so many different aspects of of of Rebe Oelander showing up to his Leviatha so to speak and so multiaceted so normal and present by each one I'm overwhelmed by it but I think I overwhelmed because I think so many of these things are attainable as a person I can I can reach inside and develop myself in all these things that I'm appreciating from limiter to to shabas like said and and being there for people and being there for family. His kids described this. He has described me like so busy yet again like we can all jump in. We can all jump in the lake because he has a son to take care of so multifaceted. Somebody called me recently a guy who's a young father. So he's married. He has a son. He has a job. He's trying to keep up his own learning his own. There's so many things to balance. I think he I think he was asking for an eight and I'm just like saying yeah you got it right. It's like a a a prime example for us as friend as friends of his asum of his that there was somebody who who who somehow seemed to manage and balance all it perfectly without being perfect. Managed it perfectly in a way managed is the wrong word but lived it all perfectly experienced it all perfectly. Um that we can look up to and yeah we we have We have to have tremendous appreciation that that he did build the sashiva. He is the foundation of the sashiva with um and um I hope the shama has an aliyah from all the words spoken yesterday, last night, today um Thank you. I was thinking said many many amazing I appreciate each one that was said describes and we're describing I don't know if I'm a Talmud and I want to I want to share with you guys before I ask R silverman I want I want to share this with you Morty I want you to hear this there was somebody who started our yeshiva 17 years ago and it was very interesting as as a guys came from very mainstream yeshivas many of the guys >> please I want you I want you to all hear this that there was somebody who's running the mifa >> and in some ways he was called some guys called him obi now his name he's you come from yeshiv you have re rabbi reb rev maron you and and also you have obel and and not being rebi like that people talk about the words my rebi is so relatable there's a very deep thing our yeshiva is it's it the roots of our yeshiva are yeshiva called peska that's having studied now that's where we come from that's where our that's where our roots in many ways come from in the world of peska when we say a rebi is relatable he's we're automatically saying he's different but he gives something relatable. Ryobander guys were confused. Is he a rebby? Is he not a rebby? Rebeam don't typically dress so nicely. The way he enjoyed a cup of coffee, the way he was so worldly and the way he was so engaging. So is he a rebi? And his leva people who knew him the lev was the crowd. You don't you can go to you should we should all not have Le people should have gaz and >> I've been to quite a few levas you don't see the size Levia that he had his funeral was it's people could say number and exaggerate it was packed there were over a thousand people there easily it was packed and it was the Levia the funeral of God and people who were close to him said when did this happen and you had hundreds and hundreds hundreds of tal who who called him rebi who leaned on him for advice people close to him was like when did this happen he he was like obi now he he was a masmid he learned very nicely and seriously I knew him as a bach I knew him as a bak a a masmid a bent beautiful one of the guys and I feel like hashem picked him to start our yeshiv our yeshiva is not a place of titles of the rebby is it's we're we're we're all humans. We're all very human who relate to each other, who understand each other, who go through a girl called me last night. I was with I was driving with Haka and a girl called >> and shared she shared a Shila that she had so much shame from and it was like a story I completely relate to. It was like my story, your story. And the understanding that Hashem sent humans here and we're all humans and a human being could be very, very big. I promise. Not could be. Human being should be big. A human being is very big. The sugander that people grapple, he was so normal. He was like my best friend. He was so big. Yeah, it's true. It's true. It's accurate. And it's so cool that he's the one who started this yeshiva because the yeshiv is a place and it's only in this manner. It's a place of honesty and realness authenticity. You don't play things in peska. You don't try to the guy the the guy I'm talking about David. I went on a walk with him. It was like George rapping and his clasher to his casher to Rab Russ. It's hard to even define. Is he rebie? Is he your best friend? I don't I don't know. We're close. Aadis my rebi the ver people like say my rebi is relatable. Your rebies is a human. Your rebies is a human and reach big heights. I had a I had my own watching Ray overland and he was very big person because you because people could be very very big and he reached serious comfortably and smartly and step by step. He became a very big person, very very very big, very close to Hashem. a huge light a gah an elevated exalted person very like but it's so normal because that's what we're sh that's what we are that's that's what we're namas it's of course it's like person sits and prays to god person slowly person does their does their things they're supposed to in in a serious way in a sincere way to when my rebi passed when my rebi was lift after I fell on the floor. I couldn't stand. I couldn't get up. I was lying down on the floor. I couldn't move. And many thoughts went through my mind. Sitting lying on the floor. I couldn't move. And one of the thoughts were my Rebi knows now. My Rebi valued me and gave me and was me like a Rebi supposed to. And I had a sense my Rebi knows my secrets now. He knows my flaws. He knows my humanness. I was like very very embarrassed and worried about that. And lying there for hours, one of the things that occurred to me is my Rebi was open about humanness. My Rebi is the one who taught me that we're humans and we could be very big humans with history, with past, with mistakes, and yet we could serve Hashem. Yet we could put on fillin say the story of alander's life to me who's the who's who was who was the from the first the starters of our ma was the story of obi even people talk about the talum they say rebby or obi it was it it's a story that a human being a human being a normal us humans frail humans humans who make mistakes humans who are just very human could be very big and that that's really the story of our mass that's the environment of our mass how normal guys could like I was talking to somebody recently about scholar we're talking about him he's a big person a big person be a big person very big person he's so normal he's leagues with us we can get into a fight with him I got into good fights with him and yet he's so big it's the story of our m it's not a place of titles it's not a sort of a place of authenticity of honesty like a guy who's like someone who has a nice coffee could could talk about a nice pair of shoes who I could tell you and I spent seven years talking to the person hours a day I spent seven years of my life talking to him many many hours a day who's a very big person but I overlanded I overland it's good I'm being unclear that's very It's hard. It's It's hard. It's I feel like Ry was with Snicky >> because I'm getting lost in my own things and speaking. So I'm like forgetting you know that I was with Snicky was strung with that because we also want to I I want to go back and then I'm like oh I'm talking I'm speaking. I was not clear right Matthew and I am jumping around but Rab Overlander I spent I spent seven years with Rabbi with Rabbi Overlander talking many hours a day and I could say he was a big person there's no he was a person a human being who spent who who made something did the right things and we're we're nishamus we're big people we come from big places in very honest sincere ways he became he became and was a very very lofty person who cared about others who Rabbi Rabbi Was think he said one of the marks of Oberlander is he nailed every job. There were many jobs to the person. He was a husband, he was a father, he was a rebby, he was a community man and he like nailed every job. I think you nail every job when you show up. If you try to be I think the fact that he was Obie here is why if you try to play Rebby I don't think you could play Rebby husband father community member it's too many jobs to play if you show up as obi he was a rebby it wasn't really a guys are grappling he was a rebby like when did this happen didn't play rebby if you play rebby you can't play rebby husband father you can't play so many things as far as roles in a movie you can't act all the different parts very tough tiring to act anyway. If you act anything, you get exhaust. It's exhausting. People come back from school crazy tired because they can't be themselves. The guys here are less tired. If if you put in a full day, you be less tired. When you're yourself, you don't get so tired. The more guys have taught me to be myself, I come out of a day less tired, working harder. If you're just yourself, if I could be a little more annoyed and angry and frustrated, the more on me, the less tired I am at the end of the day. The more I try to be something. It's exhausting to be something else. I think Ray Overlander nailed so many jobs because he was Obie >> because he didn't he wasn't that guy like being a Rebby. He wasn't busy with the suga. Tell me today a grappling rebby. But he was Obie. Like I picture guy like grappling with his good friend. He was Rebi Lahadra. That's the That's the only Rebi. The Rebi is not trying to be Rebi. The Rebi is not playing Rebi. He was not He was just a beautiful person, elevated person. And we're appreciative. We're appreciative the we get to tap in today. the identification is hard because we had a rebi who was just authentically serving hashem and we looked up to a lot and that that brought us places. So I wanted to ask Ray Silverman to share about his rebi as well. I like I'm gonna I want to speak a little bit like extreme because I feel like um I feel like what I want to do really is I want to like it's really hard when I I've been in a place where someone's speaking about someone you don't know and like they're talking and it's there's something something like disconnecting. I want to know clearly the person who's speaking wants me to know about this person but it's hard to like give over a person. Um, so I the way that I want to say it is like this. I feel like if you're looking for a Rebby in your life, this is what you should look for. It's a very radical way to speak. What I really mean to say is is this is what my Rebby did for me. That's what I'm really saying. Um, this is what my Rebby was for me in my life. Um, and I think um, you know, people say appreciate things while you have them. People always say, "Oh, you're in Shiva now. Appreciate it now. Oh, you have that now. Appreciate him now. [clears throat] Everyone appreciate So I I really think the truth is of of course you appreciate it. You experienced it. If I'm in it, I'm appreciating it. If I'm appre if I'm experiencing goodness, then it's being appreciated. I think later in life, you like look back and you you unravel some of the things that are resting in your heart and you could identify, well, that's why I appreciated that so much. Like that's why I felt so good there. Of course, if you're if you're experiencing goodness, you will appreciate it. That's just a fact. Now, can you always express it? Maybe yes, maybe no. I feel like as I get older and as I look places and I and I try to identify, understand what Reb Overlander was for me, like it, oh wow, he did he was there, too. He was there, too. Like, it it it identifies to me why I had so much appreciation to him. Does that make sense? Um, meaning it almost puts words to the feelings that I felt that I couldn't necessarily express. Um, [clears throat] And I think feelings in general are funny. Like last night I was in Brooklyn with a lot of friends. It was really special just to be with friends. Um and and like I came home and I was like on my way home I felt like so light. Like I felt like wow like you know we actually got through this. And then this morning I woke up and I didn't feel that way at all. I feel like really sad. Um I miss him a lot. I really miss him a lot. And I want to tell you about Overlander a little what he was what he was for me. Um number one [snorts] I think that um a lot of people since he since he died a lot of people feel really unsettled. Um, I apologize if I'm I'm just trying to share what's what I'm feeling. I hope it comes out some level of clarity, but I I feel like if you see that I'm actually experiencing something like I want you to know who this person was to me. Um, and I think who this person was to so many people, I feel like it could actually can mean something to us. Um, but um, you know, there's like a certain level of being in his presence was Literally the most calming thing in the world. You could be going through anything, literally anything, and you're around him and everything's like, "Oh, I can do this. I can do this thing." Whatever that thing was. There was a like a security blanket type of type of feeling. I do feel a lot of people here were his colleagues where his I feel like I was I was a Talmud of his like I was never a colleague of his he was my best friend but that's probably why I was his um and the sense that you got being around him was like everything is okay practically everything is actually okay I don't know what he did to do that I don't know what work he put in in his own life to be able to give that off but there was a sense in his space that everything is okay and in a space like that a person could share a person it was really the safest space that I I can remember in my life one of the most safe spaces and I feel like it's like the deepest desire for for people to be um to be able to be held by someone and I don't mean held I mean like that you can share anything with a person and you will see you will see that it didn't phase them you don't have like worry. Okay, that was a little bit intense. What's he actually thinking about me? You could tell from the way that he was that nothing that you can say would rattle him in terms of who you are as a person, in terms of the challenges that you were facing. It was really the safest space in the world. You know, the Mishna says, and I don't really want this, I'm only saying this Mishna because I felt this this morning. says, you know, if your rebi is similar to an angel, then you should you should uh you should seek you should seek Torah from him. And what's an angel? An angel is a massive thing, but an angel takes up no space. What does that mean to me? Is that is that this massive thing has space for everything. That's what's so big about this angel. There literally space for everything. You could share anything with a person. And it was you don't even have to when you when you know you have that person you're around him really felt safe and I don't know if I'm trying to like like I want you to know like that's enough to talk about I think that there's a person that existed in the world that people human beings in in the year 2022 2023 can go to and sit in his presence and [clears throat] feel totally fine with themselves. That existed. It existed for me. things were small like I don't mean small like like things were negotiable things were interactable you could you could deal with things a person in their marriage like a husband and a wife feel safe to go and speak to a human being about some things that are really going on in between them that's a really safe space a person shares a really vulnerable feeling with a person and it doesn't register that you have affected this person's feeling about you in the slightest is the safest space And I feel like for me that was one of the it was just so common. Another aspect that I I feel like a lot of times in life we're searching for validation. Like is he proud of me? Is he he was such an affusive person. I hear him you know he called me fesk. My mom called you know my family called him that. He called me that. I could do the like that was awesome. That was awesome. everything everything you did. I That was awesome. That was awesome. I could hear him now. I could hear him now saying it. You're doing a good job now. I could hear him saying I feel like we hold space for other people in our lives and they should know how much you like them and they should know how much you mean to them and they should know um you know I've had rebing. You're searching. Yo, just look at me and say something. Say something. Say you like me. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's not good for the He did it. I don't know. It felt really good. Felt really good. He wanted to be around us. Wanted to be around me. And I think um there's one other thing that I I want to share and I think it's really important. It's all I'm really just saying one thing. I'm saying that there was a person who really created space for a human being to exist in his entirety. I don't know if he did it intentionally. I don't I don't know what I have some inkling of what of things, but I don't I don't know. I don't know actually what was but that's what tons of people experienced. Tons of people experienced someone was saying last night I think it's such a good story to bring out the point. And this I want to be clear. I think that I'm not I'm I'm saying all the things that my rebi did for me, but really I'm also saying this one I mean I mean it if you want to know if you have a rebby if you want to this this I would test. Um someone overlander had a period in his life where he was really busy. I mean, a lot of times in his life, he was really busy and we'd get texts, "Hi, Fesy. Thinking about you, and then we'd respond, then he wouldn't respond." So, someone last night said he was going through a really hard time in his life. It's it's actually to me it's it's it's a absolutely beautiful story. Um, and he said every Overlander texted him that and he's and he sent back a big text and afterwards he said, "By the way, if you're not going to answer, don't ever call me again." The guy said, "If you're just going to do this, drop the line and see how I'm doing. Don't don't call me. I'm not going to call you. You won't call me. We don't need to talk to each other again. I hate this thing that you're doing." And the guy who was saying it was saying how it was so inappropriate. It was so And I want to say I think it's the most beautiful text in the world. If you really want to know if you have a safe space, see what happens when you get mad at someone. See what happens when you express let's say human emotions about your Revy to your Revy and people would we got into a lot of fights with him a lot of I say a lot but like we would say hard feelings to him and the the ability to hold to listen to not defend to acknowledge that someone else is having an experience even if he's not at fault even if he's very busy I feel like a lot of times we don't say you know if our rebby hurts us or if someone in our lives hurt us we're so busy like answering up for They're so busy. They're I you know, you have to know he's so busy. He and I understand he's so busy, but do you? Cuz our hurt doesn't speak to the fact that you understand when you're hurt. And this person said a year later Overlander texted him after they spoke it out. Abby Overlander apologized. They a year later he texted him. He said, "By the way, I just want to I just want to remind you I'm still thinking about that text. That text meant something to me." And I think that space um that's the safest space in the world. You want to know if you're safe somewhere, share a feeling that might push someone away. See what happens. You want to know if you're really safe. And I think we mamish had that. We had this person in our lives that was so okay with us. >> So okay. Um >> try it. That's right. >> See, it's going to be a tough week in Durham for a lot of I mean it. I mean it. >> I think there's a question like yeah you could ask I I don't know if this is the answer to the question like how does a person become like this? But I'll tell you what we experienced. It was really weird. It was like a weird experience. Overlander lived like a really really >> Perky spoke about this last night. It was actually beautiful. He lived a really rich life. That's the words that I heard. He lived a really rich life. He had interests. He had his things. He had his He was uncompromising about He had his schedule. He had his things. He had his friends. He had his He had a life. He had his children. And he let us in. He let us into his life. I would go places. He would go to hang out. I would I now looking back I I trip out. Like he took me to places where he was with his friends. He hung out with his friends and he brought us there. Yo, I what is going on here? Like we actually he let us in. He just he brought us along. He wasn't like dropping. Oh, now I'm being a giving you my time. And I know people are saying this, but then I have my time. He had his time. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't have their own time. I take plenty of my own time. But I I think like what I'm the me what I'm trying to say is is when when you live a rich and fulfilling life on your own, you can let people in and that impacts people. I don't think I remember more than five things that he taught me in Torah. I'm not I'm not like I listen to him still. I don't always like this morning on my drive here I was listening to from Overlander. I was a nice vard. I didn't like I felt so good listening to him listening to his voice. I feel like we when you the impact that you have on people very rarely is the things that you actually say to them. It's the presence that you are for them. And I to me that's what I feel um that's what I want to share. I [snorts] hope that people got a a feeling of what Overlander meant to me means to me. Um and this gathering should be a an elo everything that we do in this yeshiva really. I don't think we have to speak it out. Um and uh thank you. Thank you for listening. I think it would be weird and we try not to be weird here to have a gathering for a lander on a young to do song. We're in a shift of song. I do not like singing shabas songs during the week because they're shabas songs. I don't like singing pes songs on sukus because that's peskus here. I think a Ray overlander's yard site to sing would be like right on. He brought he sang Kayak in his in his at his in his and that was a song of Shabas and his life was a song of Shabas. So I want to if the can if let's sing together Kayak the song he taught the MFA Zelig Libram who later brought it back to Durham. Rylander brought it to the And on his yard site for who was shabas I wanted to sing together on his on his yard site. So it's on page for the the sederm. I gave out sederm. It's on page 166. Get the words. It's on inkazic one. Page 166. >> [chanting] >> This goal. in it's all you shall. I am lifting. [chanting] Oh, [chanting] good. [chanting] Sh [chanting] I became Are you [chanting] the shame We have to tell our child [chanting] >> [chanting] >> be sh >> [chanting] >> I [singing] am shaking your >> [singing] >> is God. [chanting] [singing] [chanting] I love [singing] God. I'm a child of the day. Yes, I believe the child [chanting] of his guide [chanting] in heaven. But I shall. >> [music] >> pro. [singing] [chanting and singing] We are dead as [singing] I [singing] >> [singing] >> I go I am [singing] [chanting] behind. >> [singing] >> My God of [singing] I sh. [chanting] Here we need that champagne. [chanting] I I am sh [chanting] I I [singing] [music] am higher. [singing] I am I am here. [singing] toman to all the to for being here for sitting for for being here. It should be precious and aliyah the success of the yeshiva. We have tremendous pride in the guys to watch the last two weeks. We're excited for the last two weeks. We're looking forward to two beautiful weeks of Zman and the success of the guys after guy having the conversations about next steps about next brings out to us the tremendous aliyah that guys have had in yeshiva guy after guy describing I was speaking to you the drill this morning describing their own guys can articulate and express beautifully their own stories their own [clears throat] roads it should be in English for his precious knows he he put tremendous tremendous the guys that were trying to describe to describe a person who as best as we can but you meet you meet Rabbi Silverman and he's describing I was impacted so then you get a sense you meet Rabbi Wiki you get a sense he put tremendous amounts and should give a tremendous aliyah to all of us should be all every single one of us tremendous success in our journeys long long years of of accomplishments of celebrations should be all of our lots. Thank you very very much for being here this morning. Have an excellent afternoon. >> Will be at 3:00.