Yisroel Bernath: Pesach Programs

pesach has been quite a feat I mean so many people had missed their Pesach programs the horror they actually had to clean their house and there was no cleaning help I mean I really feel for you how are you managing must be awful are your kids complaining at all are your kids upset with the Kids program at your Passover program in the house are they complaining about the lack of choices and food well my friends on behalf of Pesach program organizers all over the world now you know how it feels I think the only thing the kids aren't complaining about is how much they paid by the Passover programs the 24-hour tea rooms the stations the performers let's talk about the performers for a second have you noticed that the performers that usually do the programs are mama SH goin Meshuggah they're doing Facebook live broadcasts I mean the comedians the singers the magicians they're complaining how they were supposed to be in Prague and they were supposed to be in California and they were supposed to be in Italy and then some cruise in the Mediterranean and neva now they're on Instagram with their kids nagging at them complaining about the lack of options in the kitchen tea room so you got all so I've been getting all these messages of this performance and that performance even here the front Prague performance and my kids were really excited about some famous illusionist and so we go on to the zoom thing and I had to like type in the the zoom code you dot us - 964 you know with the sign for boron and then you see thousands of people watching and then he has his kid covering the screen during the illusion I mean he could have cut someone in half for the same price just have someone just covered the screen look at that everyone we cut him in half yay she wacky had his kid holding the camera and and he's shaking the camera the whole time during the performance I still have a headache from it's like I'm a Eli gold kept complaining about his kid producing the live show and then all these people were commenting so he couldn't get his hosts on my friends now you know how it feels now then there's the back of the trucks let's talk about the back of the trucks what is it with these trucks with the music and people not doing social distancing on the back of the trucks I mean they're driving through the streets - driving through Cronkite's through Flatbush I don't think they were quite Mitzvah tanks but they were screaming Happy Passover while riding through one of the most religious neighbourhoods in the world Crown Heights I mean honey tell me who are you screaming Happy Passover - were you throwing schmira matzah off the back of the truck I mean no no no no no turn down Lefferts maybe there there's some people that don't have any matzah Crown Heights performers I have something serious to talk about you know that you're supposed to stay at home I mean how are we gonna stop this thing if you're running around like it's a regular Pesach it's not a regular Pesach us poor people had been getting tons of free concerts and we're loving every minute of it and ends and what's with hask they get the memo we're all poor this year everything is supposed to be free I mean did anyone actually watch it I'm sure that there was this one guy who paid for the concert and then he sent the link only to his sister only sent the link to her best friend who only sent the link to her cousin basically you get the idea they probably made 18 bucks but it's it was for the children of course so how else you entertaining your kids a friend of mine put up a post that he's looking for camping equipment to borrow because they were going camping as a hollow my trip in the living room it's true that's what he was doing anyway I really feel bad for all the lonely people there'll be no more lonely people never again I mean asking yourself the four questions disagreeing with yourself all night I mean singing off tune with yourself I kept in seeing all these single people posting they're like single satyrs you know like you have one plate and one thing and one day and I was like really feeling bad about this whole thing all these single people with there one thing that I see one guy he has another seder plate on the other side of a table and I had to message him I said dude like why is there another seder plate there he's like I have to have a seder I never go to so someone told me today there's always next year and yes I think people who run Pesach programs now is a good time to start advertising while this special experience is fresh in our minds I'm going to open this mish buffa magazine and seeing it as per usual an insane amount of Pesach programs I'm thinking Italy California the Poconos Aruba a piece of bread and and when you see those ads each one is trying to be much better than the next I mean I'm convinced that Benny Friedman has kapitsa Sedaris he said every single pay soft program in the same night I mean there's only eight nights of there's only eight nights of Pesach how can you go to 40 programs in 15 countries and then there's people who will do anything to get you to come to their program you were yesterday Rosenblatt no problem so Makara baklava mature ever don't worry we'll make it happen our piece off program offers gab Russ and non-gay Bruce oh yeah well our pea sauce program offers gabbros non-gay brooks kit Gnaeus and non kidneys oh yeah well ours offers get brooks non-gay bras a kidney it's a non kidney it's a whole of control and a call of stomp oh yeah oh yeah well ours offers to Brust nan de bras a piteous and a non kidneys coffee straw wholesome anti-god yeah oh yeah well ours offers it Brooks Naga Brooks kidney it's non kidneys hoga straw whole stem and alum it's option a [Laughter] singing shaft a deep fried mother-in-law and Shabbos we actually make the carafe sandwich three Ms BAE us on-site a non kit Gnaeus sushi chef or how about this one we have a show cut doing lies on site and guess what it's on the children's schedule 24-hour tea rooms you can't forget about the tea rooms so with people because now that I'm thinking about you know it's gonna be a big business next year because everybody's gonna be wanting to go to these pace off programs I mean we're all like so cooped up in our house so I was thinking of two programs that I was going to to advertise what do you think of this pizza in Siberia are in your room additional borscht traditional yachak traditional potatoes come to the place where potatoes started entertainment real live blood libel we have a game it's called find your passport and then I had my other one and what I'll tell me what you think of this one Passover in Syria do adventure tour experience the exodus from Egypt by trying to flee the country entertainment the Boys Choir only ten will make it home visit the rains palace but there's nothing left for you to take visit the graves of Mordecai and Esther not from the Purim story I'm talking about the two Zaman correspondents who were caught last year after they've after they exposed all the Isis leaders watch a real live reenactment of Yodas and Halle furnace before the ISIS Boys Choir its Glatt Kosher and hollow slaughtering on site will have so many female speakers like rebus in Twersky or someone else we're not sure since we haven't seen under the burka especially designed road courses for Zionists and the bottom of the advertisement it's gonna say it's gonna be the bomb airfare sponsored by Nazi Ricardo