Dan Lallouz: Home Minyan in NDG

welcome everyone to tonight's event and I'm really thrilled now I'm just kidding yes it's my first time ever doing stand-up it's my first on YouTube and I figured today's yo Matt snowed it's also the owner so like could I do chef Gianna okay tell you my first time doing stand-up ironically I'm sitting down so first of all I'll have some corona lockdown coated how's that affecting you guys oh I'm good thanks for asking hmm I'm still single um my daughter's not always with me so kind of weird to be home alone sometimes it was like no kids to wake you up in the morning it's really easy to get them too late lazy habits you know I've been sleeping in kind of praying with the late minion eating whenever you know when I get dressed some promise like mmm do I want to put on the good sweat pants today I don't know um but between this event and today being yo-yo Ma's notes I took the occasion to get dressed up nice for tonight well more precisely I actually got dressed tonight well not entirely I don't you guys want to shoot I'm not wearing sari wrong crowds all right no but seriously you can't actually do that I Montreal you can't like not get dressed you have to always be closed in the winter it's really cold you know and I have this weird feeling like I always feel someone's kind of watching me like to the windows or something and I don't even live in a religious neighborhood okay that's me anyway right true fellow NDG but I wanna give a lot of props to three actually for organizing these events it actually started out a couple of years ago at the Chabad it was like a men only from men live in-person comedians were actually standing up I think we actually lost a lot of our Froome regulars though because now we're doing it online right so it requires internet but it's weird to like have you seen the random poles going around like in religious circles on Twitter there's one I saw recently it's kind of asking like you actually still get dressed for Shabbat in yom tov seeing that you're staying at home and i got me thinking like imagine that religious circles on internet I do computer consulting as my profession so back in the day at beginning my Trula when I first got introduced to the religious community I go to people's houses you know and I'd ask okay where's your internet connection and usually the way the house would be like loudly watch what we don't have it you me your husband show them what are you talking about kids yes go immediately to your room right fifty minutes in the bedroom come I'll show you we're good anyway can you imagine doing this time right now like in isolation with no internet because you actually remember time before internet like I mean no smartphones no whatsapp's can you believe from people with no whatsapp oh the irony when I first met Chabad Internet was a no-no and now kids can't even attend you see but without zoom craziness I'm telling you but yes confinement isolation I'm actually okay you know it's not so bad I can get by to a certain degree there's like there's video chat there's phone calls the technology thank God keeping us up but I think it's actually been helping me in any way in many ways so like usually actually I go to pray the same minyan for Shabbat which to be at the Chabad in NDG he's very inspiring in real life so now like in the morning is when I'm home alone doing chakra you know I pretend that I'm the husband you know like it's spraying I keep my living room the windows are open and the Sun is coming out and I try out different tunes you know like the singing and like loud sometimes you know and I think I've actually been gathering up a little following yeah there's like random people to kind of show up in my head in front of my house I got during shock read it's not sure if they want me to shut up or to actually join in the minion but whatever we'll see what times okay I'll go well it's kind of tough to pray alone you know all the time so I've been kind of bringing like building my own secret minion if you don't tell anybody social distancing whatever but it's good we play we pray like three times a day it's kind of fun actually they're joining me right now for support if you want to see them yes [Laughter] okay but there's a pretty show they're cool but um they just don't always answer well anyway okay let can be worse anyways I know last week was officially the last post pesach from path event I couldn't join last week but I heard that he who speaks more about the coming out of me trying she'll be praised so here we go so I'll start the beginning okay let's go back to video comment Abby that little video comment burning of a homage we can ever since being Binion comments go with that okay fine so you know I live in a duplex and my non-jewish landlord lives downstairs below and it's kind of weird you know like I realized how our traditions must was so bizarre to non-jews so for example that morning the morning like it was going 10:00 a.m. I came outside and had a platter and I said okay this quickly I look out then I see him down below and I'm like um yeah do you mind if I was gonna make like a small fire on my balcony for about 20 minutes or something is that okay with you it's kind of like perplexes like what's going on why well you know what it's good like I'll kind of explain our traditions of them maybe he'll understand he has no clue about Judaism you know so I explained the whole idea you know first you have to clean out the house or this concept called comments who gave it a comments for my heart from our lives from our homes we stir with scour the house cleaning out the hummus all the crumbs all the dust yeah I know I know Comet dust is not how much but still we metaphorically we hide 10 pieces of bread around the house and then we burn them which is what I'm doing right now the truth is this year was really special like I said I'm alone at home right so this year I actually had to hide all of the 10 pieces and then when I'm searching for them with a little further in a candle you know I've got surprised when I found wait a second I still couldn't find number 6 anyway yeah and then we make transition from comets tomasa right Muramasa what's up with that honestly I try to be you know more more maknae or whatever eyeing each more matzah only throughout about ASA you ever noticed how that stuff is worth more in a weight than gold like seriously you buy like a two-pound thing it's like $500 it's insane it's crazy other thing cause right and the quality control honestly at that price they can't even guarantee I can have every single thing will be a whole piece you know it's like in the morning you ought to sit down to like do your bar need two whole pieces no broken broken can I put a bunch of crumbs together I'll put in with water no way you can do that okay no way um so I felt kind of ripped off a little bit digging like from I think each meal before I did mo but it's all good you know but I still find that I have a lot of time on my hands especially like on the holy days like Yom Tov and Shabbat and everything you know you're alone you know and of course ringg paisa you're saying in the morning you're having breakfast you know there's no like cereal box to read or anything so I started reading like matzo boxes I don't know like what else is there my isn't so good by the way but anyway but I have actually other products that have packaging that I can read to at the table I know you come but makes are much thinking like packaging what packaging okay I respect you guys so much you guys are super stringent on so many different things you buy nothing from the outside everything that you eat drink play stuff is made at home except for the bare essential question you guys have like trust issues or something I don't know when it comes to Pesach like everyone has their own level of finish and you have to always respect it's really important this year was probably the easiest pace after that to happen am i right right for coming Oviedo 311 yeah and I didn't grow up religious so this concept that I'm gonna drop now it's kind of really new to me a few years ago I went to a friend's house and they had a separate Pesach kitchen you know it was really weird smell in the air - what are you guys making schmaltz I'm like anybody I've smelt for my non religious friends and my Sephardic friends who are watching smell basically is they take and they boil down chicken fat and they use that just try everything instead of Wow the first time I had this I literally felt my arteries clogging up like with each bike it was such an experience and then you talk about the whole eating non-gay brock's thing I don't know I'm not I'm not gonna go that don't about it sorry um but yeah so but spending pace for how long was kind of weird you know like I'm usually usually having a big table I've my whole family I have friends I have a bunch of people around you Seder together did she was different it was special you know kind of alone I'll look on the bright side like no one complained about the length of my Seder nobody said anything about how much I was actually drinking um yeah and I mean there was a bit more lonely but it was not so bad but still weird you know I found myself in a unique position of being both the eldest and the youngest cable person at the table at the same time so I got jacked yeah - Donna and then answer myself okay look I've heard it's okay to talk to yourself but apparently you're crazy if you answer yourself I don't know and I was like who knows one I know one you know it's like sometimes when I did like I'm not by myself to you know like I'm like Shalom Aleichem I'll show them Shalom I left him but in the vein of respecting the laws of social distancing I was being very careful I actually left the cop for a yahoo outside the house with a note it was good yep but back to Pesach you ever noticed how everything is like extravagantly overpriced it's crazy like a regular bottle of I don't know olive oil you buy for like six bucks you know now twelve dollars because there's coach you look very tough on it you know paper towel yes they actually have paper towels with a customer Pizza texture on it and the minute Pesach is done there's all these posts based on discount trying to stock up for next year I guess right but everything they used to cost yesterday fifteen dollars now is $0.99 crazy when I was cool I was really stoked I found something really special I found Doritos Doritos I haven't had Dorito since I became kosher okay and these were special in the liquidation section the caution of Pesach Doritos okay from Israel no less it's really good I was super stoked they're actually pretty good I think they might have some a metro and Queen Mary if you guys fell apart but it was really nice to have like Doritos can becoming kosher is really cool it's in a liquidation section so I'm sorry against those who are non good Box liquidation No so yeah so I got these Doritos and they're really good but then I started looking the ingredients you know so they're actually Tasha let's say it's not looking interesting but the first ingredient is corn I'm like corn what do you mean corn like I'm like okay I don't I mean I do eat it but who actually eats corn on Pesach like is there such a big market in Montreal just for Persians to buy a kosher paper like Doritos for Facebook I don't get it my name is yeah but shreya anyway I found that when I'm praying alone it's a bit tough it's complicated like I mean just kind of bouncing between the different days right like if you do quickly resume what I saw first day of young thug no chillin okay I mean deaf for Yom Tov great.full hallo young to Moosa got it okay second a young table Amira yeah full hello okay young so Moosa got it third day shabbat Shibata media but with young tradition ya ha hallo Shabbat youngster with Moosa okay fourth day normal I made out with addition haha well young to Moosa okay and then after Pesach I'm like looking right paper goes out the next morning I'm like whatever might fill in I actually put them in the comment what enjoy and then comes with rubbish yes filling but not the whole time normal idiom I meet a with addition hostel el Rosh Chodesh masala okay rush on Shabbat notes fill it well you get the idea right and no talking for the entire month of Nisan and then coming back after the whole process after a whole month of no timing on my old boy or the guilt for the past month in isolation please forgive me I didn't wipe down every package that I brought in from the store after shopping I forgot to take off my shoes at least once when I came in the house oh I didn't sneeze into my elbow anyway the real thing pricked afternoon is like I've had time I Hanna's working computer who would you think has really been doing all these doom hacks but anyway now we make the transition I think we have to sound like a better period right we stopped is rooh hog and we have a comeback at usual hogs for taco news so now we have to ease back into doing nothing again nothing