Cholentface: Frum Jews vs Heimishe Jews

i remember back back in the olden days back before coronavirus a while ago i went to i took my wife out we went to a restaurant very fancy fancy restaurant on a date we brought our gamoras masaka's actually my wife brought uh your vomits i don't know i don't know why and the waiter like i think i think he wasn't jewish because because he had a chip and and a green shirt that that had a giant cross on it and he came over and he said he said what are you doing here why aren't you at work someone ordered some salad we need you to check the vegetables by the way a side point if you ever go to a restaurant and kosher restaurant and you and you order s you order a salad with lettuce you know a whole bunch of greens tip your tip tip a lot of work so anyway after after my wife left to the back to uh to check for bugs we i the guy next to the guy on the table next to me started choking and the and the waiter yelled out does anyone know the heimlich maneuver i jumped up right into action i took a bunch of uh knee block and i just started stuffing them in the guy's face the waiter was like what are you doing i was like i thought you said the hamish maneuver and that's when i realized that there are two types of jews in the world there are from jews and there are high miss jews from jews are like very careful with everything they're they're kind of like a yaki doing buddhica's comets in a grenade factory james jews are more reckless they're more in your face like a like a pregnant israeli in a pizza shop after pesach from jews they're they're just they follow the rules you know like in quarantine i i it's not particular by the way to like uh kasita shares or they're we're in all different groups but from jews are the kind of people who during the quarantine they're very they don't want to cause hashem so they take all 13 kids out of the house and they divide them into little groups of two you know everyone going to the park from a different direction wearing baseball caps but everyone knows they're from juice because all the kids are wearing ties matching ties the entire family jaimish jews chimes jews they like they have no problem they walk outside they're doing an entire mignom right there in front of everyone all right they're gathering they somehow snuck into an amusement park brought in a product challenge with them and and and then then they introduced themselves to you as christopher they don't want to make a call hashem jews from jews are very scrawny they're very thin they're very they don't eat much they have they're on a very strict diet and that's because like they don't have time they're too lazy like i'm not gonna eat bread i'm a froom jew i'm not gonna eat bread i'm gonna i'm gonna go wash my hands six times say two whole brackets and then bench for ten minutes i've got time for that and barry what you want to give a lactose intolerance you want me to eat dairy it's the same thing as matzah flay shake i'm not gonna go flake shake i'm not gonna eat meat i have to wait six hours what if the ice cream truck shows up right outside my door in five and a half hours [Laughter] last night my wife gave me a chicken a chicken wing to eat i took one bite out of it and she reached back into the fridge and pulled out an entire cheesecake i'm telling you she did that on purpose [Laughter] all right from jews uh james jews i mean eating is like it's uh it's beautiful it's a part of life it's a way of life they sit down they got a big chunk that has meat and kishken salami all these accessories that's for breakfast and then they're eating the chocolate with a cold beer inside a hot mikvah i mean that's the way they to eat from jews are our our little our little safety freaks you know they say tila sadera to drive down the block every time you you drive with them it's it's like a like a bucker on its first date you know here come come sit in yes please put on all five parts of the harness um you're no i i'll call the shotgun okay no i would call the shotgun but i already moved it into drive so i'm going to call the shotgun in a few minutes jaime jews i mean when they drive they've got 23 kids packed into an 11 seater that the car hits a bump and the baby goes flying right out of the driver's lap knocking the cell phone out of his hand which goes falling right into the pot of boiling soup in the passenger seat cuts off three ambulances goes right through ten red lights swerves into a spot with a fire hydrant and he's like here i'm here it's kaverim i'm here to change a flat tire