Forced or Arranged? What’s Really Happening Today

positivity relationship and I appreciate for having giving us the time and topic was close to hearts being and is dating and it means a lot and I think that this is ultimately the the goal of life. The ultimate episode which obviously it went viral became one of the top podcast that we ever recorded. Um actually is in our relationship obviously in our marriage um what the responsibilities are. the response the actual practical information in terms of is healthy relationship and the roles and whatever. So is the role in our relationship and to me they question because of completely different meaning. He says and the bills and the laundry and the in reality if you study it and if you speak to real relationship coaches they tell you it's not all about that it's just the opposite the responsibility can help them it's very nice but meaning relationships people don't they they dance for masculine feminine which is that relationships the because they they like act as if they are the man in terms of the decisions and and then obviously the relationship is off cuz the responsibility in the is just creating problems. So back to the simple question but is the responsibility for in relationship. Fine. Beautiful. [Music] Wow. Weber. Wow. >> I was so excited because it's it's it's a lifechanging. So this is a big effectual change. So this is beautiful. >> Yeah. So to your question Ali um it's a loaded question and organization phenomena um more or less is marriage demons responsibility right I'm sad but but that that's the way I look at it and understanding. >> Correct. >> And and the emphasis and the marriage agreement agreement. Yeah. >> This agreement was the man signed relationship. The agreement is an interesting language. It's kind of English. York, right? Yeah. I guess. So agreement. Wow. Right. So question am I doing take out the agreement. Yeah. and right and okay. So like Yeah. Wow. right in the agreement that he has to be available agreement. That's it. Wow. Right. No, to give is to receive. Like literally says greatest satisfaction, right? >> Yeah. offers. Oh, you have to be careful because Wow. >> Like an appreciation. I saw you lit up. It was like wow. Like the host appreciation in our life. >> Absolutely. So yeah. Yeah. move. So, it's all the bills. I appreciate it so much. like so when the month that's all the >> Yeah. >> Right. So the the responsibility is I feel offsetting the the energy in the atmosphere in the coming but usually is the man the one is responsible for >> and the is by nature is the receiver and for the man. Thank you. This is in direct the so direct because my responsibility basically like differentiating like obviously and I think that this is just mind-blowing. But the question these roles are get get exchanged basically because I want to hold them accountable >> but it's because it probably interchanges. >> So the question is why does that happen? That's my question to you responsibility, >> right? Unhealthy, >> right? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So again, they have no idea. Yeah. sign agreement, right? York like the but this is the actual agreement. Wow. Are you ready for that? for meaning space for a man. Meaning when a man tries best provided you know Okay. Yeah. Wow. Like respect in general. >> Yeah. Thank you. was was bringing the amount of the the right energy in the confident masculine help awareness gave space for the man. Right. Okay. meaning because I think in relationships things reciprocate it's basically kind of energy and reciprocated, you know, things reciprocate, you'll get back a gift or something like that. Not that everything works that way, but decreates the relationship, decreates the boundaries. Um I'm kind of n detail but is basically and even with having difficult conversations if you're not afraid to have them then your spouse will also come to you with a when they feel that there's a difficult conversation >> but the simple question is what what is the role of what does a man really need from a woman so for this woman to be a good woman >> right >> in the relationship. >> Yeah. So according to [Music] the lushness less lime les meaning the [Music] reflect right the the zen shant and the sh the beautiful sh from the luna is a reflection from the zen. Okay. Is the one with reflect, right? So the reflect and he smiles. It is nice. It is good. So the frozen Yeah, of course. But again, is in a bad mood, right? Yet I believe the man. >> Yeah. says the man's responsibility when a man is feminine the powerful part issues relationships whatever a bad personal welcome. Right. >> Right. So he's taking it personal. against the in the confidence for the throw down. It's fine. It's okay. I'm here for you. I feel bad. >> Wow. >> Mhm. >> The problem is when the man >> react >> when the Yeah. When a man feel threatened can blame on the man, right? It's okay. Whatever. Yeah. So, right. Yeah. So the is gave him the space for the meaning right you automatically >> this is irresponsibility this is irres irresponsibility past issues and past relationships. >> Wow. >> In a bad mood, he makes like these are human beings. They make Allah's and the man the man is responsible to take care of it, >> right? And >> how beautiful it is when actually get in is not because she has to but because she wants to. >> Exactly. >> Suddenly you find yourself that responsibilities. >> Mhm. >> Right. So maybe included. Okay. >> Well, according But is responsible to um but right a man can meaning is gay, he's beautiful, he's nice, >> yeah, right? So this so the roles actually is um yeah, >> right? Um, I want to put you a little bit on the spot, but who do you think is responsible for most relationships not going well? >> The man. >> Yeah. So, [Music] um, um, so most relationships Most relationships was ending 75% relationships with ending is the fro is the one that calls it. Yeah. The one was >> which makes sense because according to what you just said hyped on is the initiator is the pursuer the initiator and is sham. So if 75% of them call it off means that technically shielding. >> Yeah. Yeah. Which is what I thought. Okay. The garden of peace. Right. >> So it it basically the man is responsible. >> Yeah. So marriage is impossible meaning mental health issues um um terrible emotional issues with impossible and it's impossible and it's not going to work. So unfortunately borderline personality disorder >> BPD and BPD is responsible you have to do it right so it's very important to know that problem of peace like the cancers But in the right Christians, Christians is acceptable. and there is no love. Wow. So unfortunately marriages was the man that of the world and lots of abuse and right the cl responsible and the cl is as when usually when a feel unhappy is the man the one happy. >> Or at least carry the responsibility in their relationship, right? >> Yeah. >> Wow. Very powerful. Question for a second. Okay. Um question. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. This is question mostly and mainly relative meaning that questions relative and hopefully relative that you feel you can do your mission session. >> Mhm. there to define the man space the fro space and and what I've read in psychology in their books they call it and the space in between specifically therapy book getting the love you want um so how you work or which formula what you have seen but if you can talk about it vif device the difference between zans on space, the space between um to elaborate basically friends and so does the woman. And then there is conversations that these people can both have in between meaning or uh take it away. >> Yeah, it's a very foundational question. Um so general question is the the boundaries when mention suddenly how to bring it up in a conversation because the space in between us. Yeah. >> Okay. >> So, so um two different conversation space cards. >> Was it about dating game? >> Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The man is responsible for the ra and the fro is responsible for the man. Is that a true statement? >> Wow. Okay. Yeah, that's exactly where I was going. >> Right. So, so yeah, it's a beautiful um topic was discussing. So in general levels a marriage meaning like a certain community let's say yeah whatever direction, right? Right. Yeah. So, it's Yeah. It's specialist problems in the marriage yet gave him the clue shaft. [Music] is a person meaning that's that's that's the the punch line a real relationship in terms of um and like Vag Right. And the love, right? It's not going to last, right? So is like the best. They said they said the punch line. That's of each other than a certain plate [Music] is that society. Mhm. is by the way. How about let him find for himself why he wants to go to and that carries into a relationship on space. You don't know what he's struggling with. You don't know. So why judge them for it? It's only because we grow up believing that we have this comfortable but can't decide whatever because I am uncomfortable. Right. >> Right. Exactly. responsibility. Yeah. To a certain level relationship. But [Music] meaning you can say boundary is but in terms of the actual relationship. blame like I said damage damage and a space in between and in the space in between and vice versa >> right that's beautiful the point is a certain right so problem underlying problem. But but but appreciate. >> Yeah. >> Right. I really want to do it for you, but it's very uncomfortable for me, so I'm not going to do it. >> Like what I'm saying? So the same thing for relationship. >> Exactly. Right. As much as I love you, I really want to do it for you, but this is a little bit hard for me. Correct. >> It's a conversation. It's like space in between. Yeah. So meaning shopping and in the space in between conversation. Okay. So what do we do when we do want to go together? In the space in between what do we do? >> Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. So says not because I don't love you. >> Yeah. Correct. We can really love each other and find agreements for 999 things that we agree on. was. Yeah. Right. Right. >> So, so >> Exactly. So, demonstrate >> this is the space in between. >> Exactly. >> This is the space between >> correct. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I can't live like that. Meaning space is not space. >> Exactly. Like Okay. But relationship is exactly the >> correct. And the toxic vague, the unhealthy vague. I was going to stop eating. Relax. Relax, dude. Wrong. Okay. Yeah. Down space, ear space, the space in between. >> Mhm. >> Relax. Don't don't make a whole relax the way the crisis. Stop sending them away. Stop hating on them. Just the opposite. Please love on them. Understand it has nothing to do with you. there's a crisis of and and they say OTD is instead of OTD on the data >> and and stop and and that was the reason why the crisis of completely stopped cuz our perspective on them stopped the problem in our relationship because spouse is different self-created problem the side it's a problem They had a moment a moment but so >> very nice. Yeah. Says awareness and space. It's not about me. No, it's not about you. You just have to give space awareness is because lack information they said the idea that you created invented you know that information shoving it under the rug not taking responsibility is is is not okay. It's not okay video on YouTube shorts professor guide the students leave the classroom leave the classroom the students power is because no good reason. for no good reason. And that's when episodes I always thought to myselfons responsible for responsibility responsible for the for the growth too for the information share information and knowledge because one day as been busy Be nice and let's say in business some one day it will come back to me and somebody will be honest to me in business mention that that ghost you let's say in business stop the phone and hold hold these people accountable in public but because then he'll be able to respond to my message >> right it's going to come back to you >> so says, "Because when you see something wrong, speak up. Speak up because you do want to make this this world a better place cuz one day you're the one that will that will be hurting from this, >> right? >> That's I'm trying to tell you. No. Yeah. Speak up. >> Tell each of these 10 kids how to be a normal husband and wife because then they will go out to the world and make other normal husbands and wives. They will be the example for their kids. Okay. >> Absolutely. says, "But the information." Yeah. >> Very famous. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. powerful. >> It's very powerful because problems and that's what Okay. Wow. [Music] Wow. Yeah. Right. Wow. Right. Because of him. Yeah. Right. Why? Because it's real change. >> Real change. Unfortunately, this unfortunately as a couple right do what you can do right >> wow >> so so yeahish damage for the laden. Right. So yeah, it's news. Massive news. Wow. Let's stop this, right? Right. >> Right. um on this exact topic. It's very powerful. By the way, this is the reason for their podcast episodes that we did and passionate passion because the lasting change and you know we can say now 10 20,000 views later. Oh, we know we had an impact on many people >> right in a marriage which is been in the arranged marriage. from love. >> So um >> yeah man, this is the question. basically >> been in an arranged marriage. >> Yep. >> So arranged marriage um is not not always terrible meaning arranged marriages and it's it's very beautiful. research involved the kindness arranged a marriage to do arranged marriage to a forced marriage. That's why arranged marriage is is not something was terrible. a forced marriage is terrible and it's not acceptable, >> right? >> But but in the I push the involves in in the process, but it's still nice marriages. Perfect. A force marriage is an issue regardless forced marriage. Um it's never too late. meaning rightouse each other over 20 years like like over 20 years, 22, 23 love chemistry. What are you talking about? Wow. Wow. >> So, so if you're meant for each other, but unbelievable. asking. So meaning >> wow they feeling in arranged marriage uh is a feeling again forced marriage arranged marriage I wouldn't talk negative about arranged marriage because I don't believe it's it's bad I believe a forced marriage is very that um but the feeling right over. >> So you know what set of dates but set what do you like like happy and hopefully right. Um what we need to see that it's the right one. What is a red flag and a green flag for a man in your opinion? And what's a red flag and a green flag for afro? So >> dating or marriage >> in in dating? So meaning to say what's an immediate red flag stay away. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. It could be it could be a one-word answer. how they stay away. Um so immediate red flag um um feels to be crazy over their mech and this is mama. Yeah. >> Then then that that's a huge red flag. >> W Okay. Why? because um because uh for five minutes and they mention five minutes it's a done deal. Um the main reason for this is over blind like there's no one to talk to >> right there's no one to talk to and get kidnapped get captured by them. >> Yeah. So you have to go home like >> Yeah. >> Okay. So this guy from male and female. >> Okay. And what's a what's a and what's a green flag? What's something that if somebody sees that a day quality? Okay. Wow. This is that's worth pursuing. >> It's a green flag. Green flag. meaningitive points. Obviously, the man is a listener. Correct. So this is a huge respect like of course this is number one. Number two, uncomfortable situation especially about dating right in dating usually. So, so funny. But weird. But give it um I get but it's not that's not the point. The point is nature feel uncomfortable in a restaurant. Okay. [Music] Okay. like she doesn't have a voice like is okay like >> so that's a real red flag. Um so the green flag is >> how you feeling? Are you okay? You should always check in with her like the situation. >> So question specifically elaborate of the podcast. He said last podcast that you have to be totally happy and sure before you finish a shed. But the thing is sometimes you can only find what there is on market and you need to make yourself happy with whatever you are able to find. So go >> yeah is correct totally happy 100% confident basis for yeah you don't have to be happy you have to be confident that's number one number two the market. So the market is an interesting word. The market. So the market says actuallyis. Yeah. Well, this is the opposite. >> Oh wow. >> So is the opposite. in the economy. There's no like what are you talking like question is unfortunately at a very compassionate compassionate but is that a low energy question? Right. Yeah. The market, right? This is question. >> The problem is forever. is the market. Right. >> Right. Whatever market, right? But it's a matter of time. >> So like the market keeps on changing meaning. Yeah. saying the cash is our own cuz you're basically as if that's a very valid point I think like this is yeah I mean you said it right >> question of the marketie anxiety But the question is the question. Let's put it this way. >> I never looked at the market. I always looked at >> That's right. But okay. The u set. Okay. Go a second. Yeah. important deal breakers, right? Yeah. Relationship is important, right? Okay. So market. Ah okay. has chosen, right? Whatever. Okay. The deal break is never so% confident. confident% this is my decision% man choice Yeah, people are hurting mention and uh >> in relationships, initial relationships and um I just want to send compassion out. So mention >> relationships relationships. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Relationships. >> Yeah. It has a real shadow side meaning psychology psychology. But relationship family and companionship and love and whatever relationship and a Holocaust survivor. How come [Music] a relationship? >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> So that's that's powerful. So the relationship is deep. >> Yeah. >> To a very deep placement. [Music] You're hitting a wall. >> Wow. >> Like there's nothing to do. And and and without mention we have to have a lot of respect. >> Yeah. courageous step like I want to move forward, right? This is interesting. >> Nice. Okay. Questions. is good. Okay. Oh wow. I need something you touched on. How do I know if someone has an emotional mental challenges if they can hide it on the dates? For example, someone who is borderline or controlling. >> Wow, that's deep. especially if >> yeah. >> Okay. Yeah, the neighbors controlling wasn't the chance personality or whatever actually do tricks in them. I'm just I'm just imagining nine. Okay. But the question um so this is responsibility. So this is number one. [Music] Wow. I mentioned the controller and especially BPD. [Music] So, especially BPD. But but [Music] like busy. I'm so sorry. >> Yeah, >> it's a problem. That's a good idea. It's okay. It's okay. No problem. Makes sense. >> Wow. Yeah, it's tax. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Which is beautiful. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Okay. And and so this is a powerful point. This [Music] suspicious controlling issues. with the um story was was your friend date massive issues in the lobby bringing bring oh wow our loyal friend and She she really loved him and there was no one to talk to. personality disorder [Music] certain tricks they see very fine whatever a boy and a girl I need your signature. >> Wow. >> It's like tell me more. Um and and it's beautiful conversations and we enjoy we really like each other beautiful like what kind of dating coach are you like ready for the next step. >> Yeah. >> You have no idea who this person is. Wow. Yeah. Wow. No way. I don't want to do it. Like she didn't want to go for a walk with him. >> Wow. That's unbelievable. >> So that's a story personality disorder. Right. And of course changes in the story. Yeah. >> But personality disorder and I'm so happy. >> Yeah. >> Right. So do wow. But the basics, if somebody wants you for you or wants you for your money, how do you know their intentions? I guess the answer is you do random stuff for her. >> You do random stuff. And if you have money, make like try your best that other person like the discussion dating. It's not all about your money and it's not all about going shopping and benefit meaning >> not about spending a lot of money. Yeah. >> It's not about spending. Yeah. >> Well, it's very it's very uhations. And I don't like the idea. I think it's wrong. I don't think it's right because toys and guilt. So excited for their toys, but they have nothing to do with you. >> Wow. >> So So this that's important by dating too beautiful like don't always do it. Wow. Like Right. Which is important, right? >> Yeah. Um that's the question. Oh, so basically the question of Instagram, how can we create a real healthy relationship with an arranged marriage? There is no choice but it's the address that they should start dating. What is the most important thing for a woman to understand about a man in a relationship? revol I guess to polish up the question what is boundaries question what is the healthy boundaries like because or whatever like a boundary that some people would cross, some people would not cross. >> Yeah. And obviously because for them it's like it's they're not connected in that way. >> Yeah. I don't I don't see anything wrong but question as well. Um, the question is meaning for some reason I don't feel intention relationships that I always say was the intention. So, you know, [Music] because it's completely irrelevant. spouse field meaning discussion with the spouse in general spouse >> right >> but it's a conversation >> yeah communication it always comes down to that that's to me my number one the number one which is like >> communicate becauseunicated [Music] WhatsApp conversations with relationship it would bother her or sometimes not. And I think communication is boundaries that boundaries and boundary but the conversation in between us. >> Yeah. Yeah. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Open conversations and Right. It's not about you. It's just because it's just the way it makes me feel. >> Right. Right or wrong. I don't appreciate preferences% but and expresses accept the way you are whatever but >> but in general they question it's something that like it's probably something deeper meaning the question >> right right um okay um very powerful thank you so much >> yeah thank you of listening to relationship podcast like psychology. I love reading the books. I love reading the work and I love taking inspiration from different happy couples that I see or asking them what their secrets are like. mentioned they are fascinated especially to hear what what a relationship should really look like and um what does a healthy relationship look like >> healthy relationship oh it's actually me from negativity and >> yeah what's the good side what's the good >> relationship is beautiful relationship ship marriage especially is the most the most beautiful. Oh wow. Relationship. It's not good. Wow. Okay. Right. like so a relationship with beautiful value and when I mention it's a feeling of security it's a feeling of says feeling relationship says certain feelings relationship grounded plots in a loving plots and a family is is is powerful, beautiful in a healthy relationship with the no matter what. In a relationship is Yeah, beautifully said on a positive light as relationship beautifully relationships. Beautiful relationship and complicated. recipe but complicated so beautiful commitment to each other. Yeah. Right. in successful relationships and beautiful with the spouse any relationship siblings. >> Yeah, very nice. Thank you very much. Although questions and um if questions hopefully Oh wow. >> But um but we'll see. We see how it goes. In the actual depth of a relationship, how to be how to raise childrens. There's so much other questions that I have that I can think of. But uh like I said, this was one of the podcast that I got the most feedback again out of 80 90 episodes mentions meaningful comments and and compliments of the episode which means that >> people listen to it and they so thank you very much. Um you want to talk about your coaching pract your um relationship uh practice. You're a marriage counselor. >> So if anybody needs help while dating specifically second marriage, right? Or dating a second marriage. mention successful and say marriage other dating other business relationship it's not my specialty but partners is a relationship from partners because it's all the same idea 50inut free phone call meaning schedule free phone call for first timers of the link. >> Okay. >> Amazing. Thank you so much. Leave a like. Share it with a friend that can enjoy. a comment. We read and see every comment and some of them do addressed and the questions questions we'll we'll bring it up again. Thank you so much for being here and supporting the channel and for the members that are signed up $10 a month you can see extra bonus content from every episode. Um thank you very much for being here. Thank you. >> Thank you Ellie. My pleasure.