Family First: Joseph's Guide to Fixing Relationships - Tehila Gimpel: The Land of Israel Fellowship

hi everybody so great to see you that's some tall praise to try to live up to Jeremy I hope I don't uh I hope I I don't disappoint and that I keep up with uh those expectations um okay so this week's coming portion is V and there's a part in this portion it gets me every time like right in the gut there is this part where they come the brothers all come back from burying Yakov and they finished morning Yakov and then they're afraid that ysep is going to take revenge on them and they come and say listen dad said before he you know before he passed that you should be nice to us and then you know they they concoct this lie and then it just says ysep cried and it's a sucker punch to my gut every time because you can just feel yosef's pain like what can he do but cry it's not the first time he's crying but the other times where he was crying it had a different feel to it right like the other times when he cried when did he cry when he heard the brothers talking amongst themselves about how bad they felt about what they had done to him he like stepped aside and cried it was like this crying of healing of realizing that his brothers had changed and then later when he reveals himself and they're all reunited and they're hugging it says like he cried and all of Egypt heard him crying right but it's like a beautiful cry because it's this crying of of reunification and coming back together but this time when he cries it's a different feeling right it's it's this is a different cry let's think about the position he's in it's in um in Genesis 50 it says uh that they sent Messengers and it says in verse 16 your father commanded us before his death saying so shall you say to Joseph please forgive your brother's transgression and their sin for they did Evil to you please forgive the transgression of the Servants of God of your father and then Joseph wept when he spoke when they spoke to him now think about think about how this looks to him now he really only has two options when he hears this thing that they're saying to him one is that they're telling the truth in which case his father's dying words to him to to the brothers were that he suspected ysep right like something negative about ysep that would be so painful but ysep has to know that that's really unlikely right because because he just met with his father when he brought them Ephraim and manasha the other brothers might not know about that by the way but they just met and his father was saying how happy is that he got to see him and to see his children and his father is blessing him it doesn't make sense that his father thinks that he's going to like do something horrible to the other brothers right so the only other real option is that they're that they're fabricating this that they really think so poorly of him and that they don't know him they're assuming that he wants to hurt them so you know if in the first times when we see ysep crying he's crying because he's so moved by their repentance and their chuva imagine how he feels right now has nothing changed like they still think I'm this awful person they like we've had all this time together and nothing has been healed they don't know him and you know it's so it's so crazy because you know when the first story happens when when yoseph has the dreams and the brothers are mad at him do you remember what the Torah says how old he was it says he was 17 years old and now pay attention when yakob when Jacob comes down to Egypt with all of the family it says that how long he live in Egypt all the family together living in Egypt also 17 years so it's like there were 17 years where he could be misunderstood in the beginning of his life and then from his perspective now we have 17 years to fix it to correct it I was misunderstood but now we're together you know they thought like my prophecy was this hotess but now like they'll see that it was just coming from a good place I was just sharing my my vision that Hashem gave me and you know he thinks they finally reconcile and they're they got blessed together and they go to Israel to bury their father together and they're mourning together he's like oh 17 years and then they come back and do this to him and he's like really after 17 years this is what we have to show for it this is what we have to show for ourselves and and what can he do but to just cry and if you're not feeling like the complete emotional weight of this moment then just look at the words that the Torah uses in verse 15 it says now Joseph's brothers saw that their father had died and they said perhaps Joseph will hate us and return to us all the evil that we did to him but in Hebrew the word used here for hate is actually unusual it says the only other person that I know that that verb was used for is in Genesis 27 verse 41 when it says that asov hated yakob for taking his Blessing it says by sto asav at Yakov the exact same word about his feelings towards Yakov is the exact exact same feelings the brothers think that ysep is going to have for him what are we learning here I me we know that what was asa's plan the Torah tells us what was his plan in his heart right his plan was my father will die and then I'm going to go kill yakob I'm gonna go kill Jacob so they're thinking wait a minute our father just died he feels the same about us that asov felt to our father that's how awful he might just be inside like if you're not getting the full pain of This Moment Like This word just comes in and like makes sure that you don't miss it they're thinking that maybe that maybe he's going to kill them and it's so painful because like yoseph doesn't deserve this all he's done is be good when his brothers reunited with him he forgives them he tells them it was all for the best he receives them with open arms and what's so incredible and heart-wrenching at the same time about the Torah is that the Torah just doesn't tell us happy fairy tales it's so real that sometimes you want to crumple up from how real it is theora isn't selling us a fairy tale because if it was a fairy tale it would say you know ysep had a hard life but his brothers they repented and then yoseph forgave them and then they lived happily ever after the end the story is so real because like that's not how it ends and it almost ended that way like it could have just said they buried their father and they hugged each other the end but it doesn't the story is so real because it's like oh yeah you think you fixed your family relationships you think you got this you think so well just when you think it's all under control it all can decompensate in a moment that is real and then what are you going to do that's the Torah question what are you going to do then when you've been through all the tests and you say I've been through these tests and I fixed myself and I repented and everything's going okay and then everything comes crashing down then what do you do that's what the Torah is asking you and that is what like it's hard to be ysep and forgive the brothers when he sees that they repented you can kind of understand like okay bygones are bygones water under the bridge like you can kind of get Yosef like he's great but like we can all sort of relate with that but when the brothers are sending him right back into that childhood trauma of being totally misunderstood being suspected of something untrue about himself when his that's when his true greatness comes out that is when like the ultimate ysep comes out and that greatness holds like such a powerful lesson because broken family relationships are are like a universal thing that so many people deal with and I'm not just saying that because I'm a divorced lawyer as you guys know like right here on our fellowship on Shabbat thank you all as always Ardell I was praying everyone's prayer requests and you know I would say I I didn't do a statistical analysis but after illnesses I would say that the majority of tests that people share that they're going through even right here in our group is tests with family things is strange children siblings in-laws family members that might be trapped in Addiction in bad relationships it's just so hard and I'm reading and I'm praying for you guys and it's just so hard and so many times like just when when when someone thinks it's like okay and it's getting better that's when it falls apart and that is when ysep is here to show us the way ysep had every justification to say get out of my sight people like after all of this this is what you think of me are you serious but he chooses to save his family he sees his pain he doesn't deny his pain he doesn't bury it he steps aside he feels it he cries it out and then he gathers himself together and he takes his highest self to make the highest decision to save the unity of his brothers and ultimately in doing so saving the unity of the Jewish people so I want to look at two lessons just maybe we can like take out a few snip Snippets of what he can teach us about these kind of family situations so I think the first thing that we can notice when we read Joseph's response to his brothers is his incredible patience because if you look at the verses he basically says to them the same thing that he said to them 17 years earlier when he reunited with him you thought it was for bad you wanted to do something bad but God had a plan he wanted to save people from a famine he's given me all this ability in Egypt to save people he doesn't lose his temper he has patience he understands that it can take years and years he doesn't say hey weren't you listening last time he stands strong in his position he doesn't change his position but holds that space he says I told you then and I'll say it again and he has faith in them that no matter how long it takes eventually they will absorb this lesson of just having faith in hashem's plan and the second thing that I think is so striking in his response is the actual words that he says to them he says am I instead of God do you think that I'm in place of God to punish you for what you've done now it's marvelous because we've heard this sentence once before right from his very own father speaking to his mother when Rael When Rachel was begging yakob she said give me children I can't live without children what does yakob say to her he says what am I God the exact same words in the Hebrew what am I God to give you children and you can feel her pain that's not like considered a really healing interaction right it it's it's often contrasted with his father Yak who prayed in Fr in like rifka's presence but what did she need right then she needed his support not to just say like hey it's a God thing it's not a me thing that was painful for her here ysep uses the same words but it seems to be healing for the relationship why why does the exact same phrase have the opposite effect in a different context I think that ysep here is making what's called a tun a correction a fixing of those very words that pained his mother so much he's using this these words this time for healing and it's a really deep lesson because what is he saying they think that he's going to take out his revenge on them right and he says what am I what am I God what is he teaching us when it comes to other people's pain it's our job to try to comfort them to pray for them to make space to empathize but when it comes to our own pain and our own desire for Revenge Joseph says no that's when you say am I God I'm not God don't take out your pain on the brothers that's a God thing I don't need to punish the people around me I'm leaving my pain and other people's wrongdoings and mistakes that's for God to take care of my responsibility is to love and to keep my family together now of course I have to make my divorce lawyer uh you know like uh asterisk and say don't take this to me that all relationships need to be maintained at all costs because I'm certainly not in favor of toughing out abusive relationships I'm a divorce lawyer for a reason I think I literally spend all day long helping people out of unhealthy relationships it doesn't mean to be tyrannized or abused ysep doesn't allow himself to be tyrannized or abused he stands strong but he rises above his pain and says what is right not what feels good in this moment not what can I do to to to to re to to lash out my pain in this moment but what is right for the unity of my family for the betterment of my family so yoseph is teaching us to look in each family situation not to focus on why we're right and returning the pain to the people who caused us pain but to look at what's going to save our family tree what is the right thing we can do right now no matter how hard it is to save our family tree not to be a God that needs to teach everyone but just like yoseph to shine patiently our faith on everyone around us and just believe that no matter how long it takes we're putting that out in our best effort and the rest is up to Hashem and just to finish off I think you know everything in the Torah has a personal lesson but also a national lesson for Israel and and for the world you know Israel is a family and here in Israel sometimes there can to be a feeling of like we've seen so many miracles how are there still parts of Israel parts of the nation of Israel that don't see it that don't see hashem's hand that don't see hashem's Providence over us and on the other hand we say how can there be people who think that let's say their that their religious Integrity prevents them from participating in the in the rising of the state of Israel or or going to the Army like you can get so frustrated with your family of other parts of the people of Israel and again Joseph is teaching us we continue to shine our faith with Integrity we don't back down but we continue to have patience for all of our brothers and sisters for all of the people that they will eventually and just with faith that just like yoseph says Hashem had a plan that eventually that plan will go into the hearts of all of our brothers and sisters to all see hashem's hand guiding our lives and guiding our nation so with that I wish you guys all a good week