Existence & Purpose:The Reasons Behind Human Purpose and Meaning of Death, Rabbi Manis Friedman #196

hi everybody Welcome to tonight's program Coach man beld thank you for joining us on this beautiful summer nights uh tonight is shear 196 and I always started first thanking everybody for being part of it and letting people know about the shear emailing it around posting on the WhatsApp statuses it's a place to get a lot of clarity place to grow together place to talk a lot about a lot of issues and hopefully tonight we'll get a lot of clarity on you know some big topics that you know we all know fundament but just we need that you know especially everything that's going on right now so we felt RAB fredman on again who every program came out Freeman has been one more powerful than the next so hopefully tonight will be the same thing if anybody wants to join our WhatsApp chats please whatsa me at 732 314710 I'll send you the community chats and every Sunday uh for every Sunday night you can also go to m.com and sign up for his email flyers and the replays of the shows I also post the WhatsApp stat uh the WhatsApp chat communities on the chat and for the people that are watching this on YouTube you can click on the Subscribe button you can also click on the like button so every time post a new video get to see it right away and be part of it special thank you to all the advertising sponsors Lakewood school here in Lakewood ell 510 Central C from jcm for always promoting us on all the Jewish digital platforms anybody's here the first time every Sunday night at 9:30 on this Zoom ID you have different shim and we talk with different rabbis and different therapists and big people you know that come with points and uh please join us next Sunday night August 4th we're going to have world famous Joey Haber who Rabbi in mag and David in Brooklyn he's in Dale in the summer he gives very powerful speeches he actually has a woman chair live Wednesday my wife went last week she said he was just spoke so amazing so hopefully sure next Sunday he'll be here with us we didn't choose the topic and uh please join us and that should be very powerful indeep tonight's year is 196 and I want to turn the the the the the camera to ared and Lakewood New Jersey to tell us what 196 has to do with tonight's program what's the G shom everyone to zoom share number 196 explaining existence and purpose life conflict Choice uncovered the reasons behind human purpose and the meaning of death this year we dwelling into the above reasons and the secrets behind it which leads us up to tonight's G 196 the hidden secrets beautiful beautiful thank you for that perect perfect okay we're gonna go into it get it start now my famous question I ask you every Sunday night it's Sunday night I mean Sunday afternoon what are we doing here why are we spending our time here what are we trying to accomplish tonight what's the goal of tonight's program oh yeah welcome everyone to another let's with like I say every week with a lot of we're doing number 196 we've covered a lot and uh last week we had an amazing program the basics for shom bias to understand just understand what the man needs what the woman needs tonight's topic is uh we're taking it to the next level it's not an easy one and I do want to thank R Freeman for joining us to talk about this but talking about the top of these topics that are a little bit abstract it's not something that it's not tangible and um many of us have a hard time just understanding when it comes to these ideas something that you can't see you can't touch and um it could be hard but that's really um the goal talking about a um living living you know in the world connected to hasem and every you know every aspect and all of this is something that not always do we understand how to connect especially when we live in a world where most of us are busy running busy um with more tangible things you know making money so that we could have other to serve AEM but many times it could be cars houses vacations it's more the tangible things and um you know you have to be busy you have to make money you don't have time and yes we DAV yes we learn but we're not really connected to it it's more those tangible things that we you know taking care of the kids and the the house the car which is important but sometimes that's where we connect versus when we we need to stop and think a little bit what's what what are we looking for what's the goal um especially as a ye without that you know you're you're missing you're missing the main thing so talking about these ideas I would say many times even whenever fean shares you know you share um these ideas people out they have a hard time understanding connecting to understand really what you know to bring it out so tonight is a time that we can try to understand try to connect and if we have questions let's bring it on the table so that we can eventually slowly step by step live our purpose the Tas on this world you know we all have ups and downs we all have things that we like and then things that we don't like and we don't understand and those who have a hard time connecting to Hashem because he's the one who doing it or maybe not and you're trying to figure it out but all of that takes it takes that you need to stop take a deep breath and talk about these very um not tangible stuff pretty abstract and see where do I come in how do I connect to it so that we can grow and take it to the next level so with a lot ofay hopefully we'll be able to ask our questions understand and take it to to the next level okay let's get into it tonight sh we um titled it gloring existence and purpose life conflict life's conflict Choice uncover the reasons behind human purpose and the meaning of even death getting into the whole Global scope it's more of a mystical spiritual share but hopefully we'll get to use it as a physic to we live through such difficult times where everything really just seems so so beyond crazy I think sometimes we need to go back to the fundamentals of just why we're here without getting like like a zoom out re Manis like zoom out more on a global level so really just that that I think would be very important ra man I read your bio should should we just give it to you what do you want let's get to the topic let's get to the we enough man if anybody doesn't know Rabbi Freeman putting his name in on the internet you'll find him pretty quickly he's the biggest YouTube Rabbi tremendous amount of flow followers so Manan here Manis the floor is yours open it up and then hopefully questions will be able to really clarify all so the first thing is that all of these questions that are so fundamental I mean we can call them mystical we can call them esoteric but really they're just very fundamental they're essential they're they're the core of everything this these questions you would think would be the first ones to get answered in a school in an education and an upbringing it shouldn't wait till a person is 70 to get to these questions they should be with you know with with the olive Bays the ABCs of Judaism ABCs of life so yeah it's time it's very much in in demand to get to what used to be esoteric topics but now it's life giving or life destroying if we don't know why we're here and we don't have a purpose in life we get depressed and it can lead to even Suicidal Thoughts so this is this is not extra special stuff this is this is the bread and butter so let's get to some definitions the first thing is why are we always looking for purpose in life who says there is purpose you're here make the best of it if you can't well too bad who says there's purpose and we've been looking at for it we've been searching for it as if we're so sure that it exists purpose doesn't mean my devotion or my commitment or my goal I can't wake up one morning and make up a purpose I can come up with a plan and come what a plan I want to go to medical school I want to become a doctor I want to make a certain amount of money a year so that I can afford a bigger house in the neighborhood of my choice is that my purpose in life no that's just a choice if I change my mind I'll do something else if you say purpose in life you mean do I exist out of a purpose or is my existence without purpose I'm just trying to make one up if we had not been created with a purpose we wouldn't have any concept of purpose it wouldn't exist just like no one would be homesick if there was never a home so we're looking for purpose because we were created that way so purpose is not my purpose purpose it's my Creator's purpose for me and that's why I'm here and that's what my life is all about so yes I would like to know if I was created for a purpose I really should know what that purpose is now this is good news and this is painful news If there really is a purpose to my life well then my life has just taken on a whole new meaning huge difference on the other hand if I'm created for a purpose and I'll never know my purpose that's pure torture so people are asking what is the purpose of life the purpose means the Creator's purpose not my purpose that I make up after the fact the other thing is if I'm asking what is the purpose of life it means that life does not justify itself nobody asks what is the purpose of eating potato chips I don't need a purpose the potato chips are good what is the purpose of taking vitamins oh good question because if I don't know the purpose of the vitamin I wouldn't be taking them so if I ask what is the purpose of life is because I don't think life makes sense there must be some purpose to it because it itself per se is not justified living because I'm living so that I'm living now that doesn't make sense people who ask what is the purpose of life are convinced that life itself must have a purpose otherwise who needs it we've always in the past assumed yeah got to be gun I mean you got to live why because otherwise you'd be dead today people are saying that's not a good answer I live so that I live and not die that's not an answer so when you say what is the purpose of life you're asking does this living this thing of hanging around until you're 90 years old does it have a good purpose because it needs justification I once heard somebody say the purpose of life is to experience pleasure which is rather foolish because pleasure is life and I'm asking you what is the purpose you can't say the purpose of life is because there's pleasure in life I know there's pleasure in life and I still need a purpose what is the purpose of this pleasure of this ecstasy and sometimes Agony what do we need it for in simple language the question of what is my purpose can be rewarded in who needs me who needs this I didn't create myself the sages say it's easier not to be born the sages also say you are conceived against your will you develop against your will you're born against your will you live against your will and you die against your will which is a little pressing it on the face of it but what it's saying is you don't need any of this well then who needs me I'm here I didn't bring myself into existence so yes there is a purpose or a need for me to be here but it's not my need so somebody tell me what am I needed for otherwise I get depressed just to hang around so now we know what does it mean purpose in life so there's this incredible story in the gamarra one of the sages was riding down the road on his donkey and he saw on the side of the road an extremely ugly individual the sage stopped and said to this man how ugly can you get I'm not sure those were the exact words but something like that how did you get so ugly and the man said don't complain to me go to the designer who designed me and he was not as ugly as he was before because For the First Time in his life he recognized that he had a Creator the ugliness came from his arrogance and from his narcissism self-made man so the sage said to him you're a self-made man why' you make yourself so ugly so he had to admit oh I didn't do that part go to my maker who designed me now the question is if somebody says wow you're beautiful why doesn't anybody ever say go to my maker who designed me I didn't do it wow you're so smart go to my maker who design me leave me alone we say that only when there's something we don't like about ourselves but in truth that should be our attitude all the time who made me who made me dependent on food who made me and designed me that I have to sleep hours out of every day who did this I didn't I don't even think it's a good idea so with this with this introduction we can start to make sense out of life many things in life are not to my liking because nobody asked me nobody consulted with me even my very birth and my very existence I wasn't asked I wasn't consulted if I had been asked I probably would have said no thank you leave well enough alone but here I am which means there's a maker and this maker designs me for his purpose now I need to know what that purposes so my grandfather says to me you know that 3,300 years ago the Creator who designed you gathered the Jewish people at Mount Si and said I think it's time I shared with you my purpose for creating the world and for creating you and he gave us the whole story and the whole picture in writing in the Torah the Torah tells us what God expects from his world from his people from his Nation from each individual why we were designed the way we were designed and how we can partner with him in fulfilling his plan now everything makes sense things don't have to go my way because as far as I'm concerned none of this is necessary it exists because God has a plan God has a passion God has a vision and he created us as his Partners in that Vision so if things don't go my way I am not terribly surprised because I don't even know which way it should go I look in the Torah I find out what should be what shouldn't be what helps God's plan what delays God's plan what gives him pleasure what gives him pain I find out all about the maker who made me and life takes on a whole vast Eternal meaningful existence does that need any further so just last week we read this beautiful thing in the weekly Torah portion Moshe is told that he's not going to go into the land he's going to die 120 years old and that's as long as he was meant to live and mosha is worried what's going to be with the people after he passes over way so in this week in last week's Torah portion Moshe says to God appoint someone provide a leader so that the people will not be like Lambs or sheep without a Shepherd after I'm gone because sheep without a Shepherd are in Mortal Danger God's answer is tell the people to bring a sacrifice which is very pleasing to me it is my bread now this needs to be explained right so Rashi quotes the talmud the midrash that says that this conversation is similar to a princess who who knows that she is dying and she asks her husband to remember to take good care of the children and the husband says to the princess rather than tell me to take care of the children tell the children to take care of me this is the medish telling us what this conversation between Moshe and God was Moshe said take care of the people don't leave them without a Shepherd God says you're worried about the children worry about me and tell the children to take good care of me to provide my bread the sacrifice how do we skip over something like that how do we just read it and go on as if nothing happened God is saying as vital as it is for me to take care of the people it is as vital as as that for the people to provide for me how is it God needs the sacrifice as much as we need a Shepherd without a Shepherd we could be killed what is God worried about so the thinking really has to be adjusted yes without God we would be killed and then what and then we would have no further problems so our need for protection is for a very short time when God says this is my need this is my bread it's forever it's forever the pleasure that God gets from our Mitzvah is forever and it's essential to him like bread and butter except without the butter this is the Torah this is God speaking it makes such a difference because if you want to get down to real real when I started this program in Minnesota 1970 for college women they have a room full of modern women modern in 1970 and they they they're there to learn Judaism whatever I said I thought was really exciting and meaningful all I got was this Blank Stare Torah says this Mitzvah God is beautiful shabas and their reaction was yeah nice don't need this I don't need this and I'm trying to figure out some way to convince them that they need it didn't work until I said to them Torah is really not what we need Torah is what God needs from us all of a sudden the room got excited we really resonate it resonates with us that my purpose in life is not me me needs a purpose me need purpose so it can't be about me and to think that the Creator of the world is the purpose of my existence that's pretty exciting in fact one woman who had made it very clear that she doesn't believe in God altogether she doesn't believe in God I said oh but but God is waiting for you to do a Mitzvah she said really all of a sudden she's interested a god sitting in heaven who doesn't care why should I believe in that so when she said she's an atheist she meant I don't believe in a God in heaven a God who cares who created me with a reason I that's a different story tell me more so we basically have to revolutionize thinking in the world number one it's not about me life is not about me the Torah is not about me religion is not about me if it's all about me then I'm a narcissist and there's too much of that going around we hate it we get very tired of being a narcissist we're choking on it please please tell me there's more to life than me so we need to re-educate the world it's God's world God's plan and he wants us to be part of it that's a whole different picture the purpose is not for us to be rewarded and get to heaven the purpose is to bring Heaven Down to Earth because God who is in heaven wants to come down to earth and be the god of Israel not the god of Heaven to was not given for heaven it changes everything in fact I'm talking to a minister a pastor he says do you believe in the Savior I said actually I'm not looking for a god who's going to serve me I want to serve God the man started to cry he said how come I never thought of that God exists for me to help me to bless me to save me me to protect me we're finally catching on the world is catching on and the world is ready to serve not be served it's so much healthier it's so much Holier it's so much more refined it's so much more Jewish means it's not what I can get from him it's what I can do for him if why is that not taken more seriously there is a Hashem what are you doing for Hashem how are you serving him as the mishna says not only should you serve him but you should serve him without thought of a reward well then what am I doing if I don't need the reward and he doesn't need the Mitzvah what what am I doing is a fundamental questions that every student of of Torah should know before before they even get to the fine print how important is it to know that God has a deeper more personal investment in my life than I have I can do without it he obviously can't well that changes everything well let's put it in very dramatic terms if God forbid tomorrow the world blows itself up and stops existing who's loss who would be the loser of course the Creator that's why God says don't do these sins you're you're destroying my world and on the other hand anything we do that makes this world a little bit better anything grow enough corn to feed other people you've made God's world better and he owes you he's grateful to you you've made his world better not your world so everything good we do becomes Divine and and eternal meaningful forever now you wake up with a whole different attitude you wake up and you know why you wake up and you know who you're serving you know that this this excitement about God that what came in reaction to to Trump not being not being shot everybody says it's a miracle but what's even more exciting is they attribute the miracle to God have people say oh it was a miracle I was in a car accident and oh is a miracle I'm still alive who performed the miracle you're grateful to whom you think this world is wonderful you love your life who do who do you think the world is very quick now just this last week to thank God that's that's progress very Freeman can we go to the polls and questions a lot of questions people want to ask absolute okay so let's start off with the polls just to get the a little warmed up and there's a lot of questions people want to ask and everybody should please ask re is here to answer and clarify anybody has any questions so please this is a very um you know important thing to really have Clarity here we go three question poll I want everybody to give their best answer first question what do you believe is the primary purpose in this world four options a to prepare for the world to come B to work out our character traits C helping others in contributing to society or D I don't really think about it okay D is not a good answer let people answer let people answer let people answer I want to oh people are gonna vote okay yeah second question how do you perceive conflicts and hardship in life how do you perceive it number one as test from hasm to strengthen our faith number two as opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement number three as consequences of human Free Will and choice or option D as Mysteries that are Beyond human understanding third question third and final question what role does awareness of death play in shaping Your Life Choices number one it it motivates me to to live a meaningful and fulfilling life B it causes anxiety and fear impacting my decisions negatively negatively C it has little to no influence on my life choices or D it encourages me to prioritize important relationships and experiences those are the three questions everybody there's no right and wrong just answer the best your ability and then we'll repeat it um with Rabbi fredman and we'll go over and then we'll go into the live questions and again anybody wants to ask Live question please ask text par is here is here to really discuss any question you have and hopefully we get a lot of clarity tonight a lot of okay give you five more seconds will read the polls and then we could you know give you hor on it here we go let me end it and share with everybody here we go first question what do you believe is the primary purpose in this world so you have like a pretty much a three-way split over here 41% of people to appear for the world to come 30% to work out our character traits 27% helping others to contribute to society and only 2% of the people really don't think about it so what's your uh take on that first question okay to prepare for the world to come is the closest answer to the uh to the truth it's not to prepare for the world to come like that's a reward we create the world to come the world to come means how this world will be after mssiah comes it's not be being in going to heaven when you pass away because all those Souls will come back into their bodies after mashiah comes so the world to come is really this world as it will be when mashiah comes and what will make it as great and as holy as it will be all the Mitzvah that we have planted like seeds in this world so that the result will be the the the completion of our efforts we make the world to come that's meaningful preparing for a different world by see we work so hard to make this world better and in the end it's not even about this world we're going to go someplace else we're not going someplace else we are preparing the world that we are going to be in that it should be not only perfect for humans but it should be perfect for Hashem that's called making Hashem a Dwelling Place in the lower world and that is definitely the primary purpose of Mitzvah let's go to the second question how do you perceive conflicts and hardships life like what's the purpose of all this shite that we go through so 24% of people feel it's test Fromm to strengthen our 61% R freen say as opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement all the things we go through is to better ourselves 6% of people say as consequences of human Free Will and choice and 9% of people say as Mysteries that are Beyond human understanding so most most people here believe it's opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement the reason why we have all these fights and conflicts and hardships in life is for self-growth and to better ourselves what's your take on that well they're they're all correct up to a point yes if if we if we struggle we get stronger we become better uh pain does make you more sensitive all of these things are true and it does strengthen our faith if we pass the test but there's got to be something more than that it can't be that God creates cruelty just to see how we're going to that's that's a horrible thought God makes you suffer so that you'll be better there's no other way to do this it must be that the suffering itself is asking to be repaired the world we're in is the lowest world of all creation not because we make make it bad it is a world of death it's a world of Cruelty animals eat each other nature is cruel and we have to change that in order to change that you have to get your hands dirty if you're not going to experience the pain then you can't fix it so very often the pain is there for you to fix it to undo it just like the atahar is there for you to fix it not to give into it but to fix it to make it holy too so when we put up with pain correctly instead of the pain destroying us the pain becomes part of our AAS Hashem and the pain becomes holy until it has served its purpose and it can stop existing after Messiah comes there will be no pain yeah let's go to the last poll and then somebody has a question specifically on this question number two so let's do the third poll and then we'll get into live questions number three what role does awareness of death play in shaping Our Life Choices 64% of 64% of people say here it motivates me to live a meanful and fulfilling life if I know that I'm going to die one day so it gives me theic to live if I knew I'm never going to die I wouldn't be meaningful it wouldn't be fulfilled 9% of people says it causes me anxiety and fear impacting my decisions negatively 4% say it has little to no influence on my life choices 23% of people say it encourages me to prioritize important relationships and experiences what's your take on that for for a very very long time death was the ultimate motivator almost everything human beings did was because they didn't want to die you invent a plow because you don't want to die you invent a wheel because you don't want to die you you discover new foods because you don't want to die everything what is the expression need was the mother of all invention yeah so because every day we make money so we don't die yes yes we build a house you know all of that was because you don't want to die well that isn't working anymore and it shouldn't we shouldn't appreciate life only because we hate the thought of of death life is much more meaningful than that we should appreciate life because life is an opportunity to serve necessity is the mother of invention right right but that's not happening anymore there's something shifting in the world you say to people don't do dangerous things don't don't don't mess with drugs why not well it could kill you and and they don't see the point yeah so what are you saying there's a new attitude towards life it can't be that we live because we don't want to die that's not real living that's that's surviving we have to find much more meaning in life so that death doesn't become the motivator we don't have to be scared into living which doesn't make any sense anyway yes knowing that we only have a few years of this precious thing called life motivates you to and get as much living as you can but not because you're going to die but because life is so rich the ability to serve the Creator and prepare the world for him and that's why eventually death will also cease it served its purpose whatever that purpose is we don't need it anymore now we can live for real life is not an avoidance of death okay RAB Freeman there's a lot of questions and everybody is encouraged to ask to be part of it here I'm gonna onute the first one get on yep hi yeah hi thank you for taking my question sure um I I realized lately that I'm in a very angry um place my life is very painful and it's very possible that you already answered this question but I I whenever I just hear different words having to do with God or anything related to understanding life I just shut down so maybe if I ask it personally I'll I'll get some clarity um how do I see that he's a caring God when everything is just so difficult and why would I care to serve him just so that he feels good while I feel bad that's very very good question so first of all you got to do something to take the pain away not just tolerate it and put up with it so hopefully you're finding some ways of uh of solving these issues and you're not you're not giving in and gonna just live with it but the question itself is still a good question why pain at all why suffering at all so there are two things we need to know I think I mentioned this before when God created the world with all of its ugliness a world of pain a world of death a world of grief a world of sin this is the lowest world but the potential that this world has is greater and higher and more Godly than heaven we can have more godliness on Earth than the angels will ever have in heaven but in order for that to happen this very low world needs to be repaired the S we're here to fix the world now this condition as painful as it is for us it's even more painful for for for Hashem because he sees the end result and has to wait for us to catch up and in the meantime the pain hurts him more than it hurts us like the gamar says three things God regrets creating every single day one of them is Gus in theara he regrets cre it so the question is well if you regret it then stop it but he doesn't stop it because stopping it means canceling the world that can't be the world has to become holy and it will become holy and it is becoming holy every day that you continue to serve him even though there's pain and the pain becomes part of the tick so it's not it's not that God is testing you it's like sending a soldier into war that's not to test the soldier the soldier goes to war to remove the danger or the threat to his country and that can be painful and and risky but it's not there just to see how he'll handle it it's not there to make him into a bigger mench it's there to protect the CI the citizens of the country so it it helps a lot to know that there are things that God regrets about his world and the pain for him is couldn't we have done our job a little quicker so that this would be over by now and of course we complain to him couldn't you make it a little easier so that the job would be over by now but the point is it's not that God has abandoned you to your pain you're going through it together because this painful stuff has to become elevated purified uh redeemed until it becomes part of the Holiness so maybe this will help you a little bit we read on yam Kipper the sto the the the story about the 10 Martyrs the the the Angels Came and cried to God this is terrible this is horrible and what does Hashem say and we read it an Kipper Hashem says be quiet or I'll turn the world back to Mush now that is a strange thing for God to say and and why in the world would we re read it on yum Kipper the only only possible explanation is the Angel comes and says this is horrible it's so painful to watch what's going on and God says be quiet you don't know what pain means you're an angel you're a Mal thank you very much for crying over my children but they're my children you're telling me how painful it is so then the angel might ask well if it's so painful even for you stop it God says stop it that means turning the world back into mush can't do that the world has to become Godly so we're in this fight together and we can debate who it hurts more and who has invested more in it and who is sacrificing more for this plan to work all the beautiful okay let's go to the next Live question hi Freedman thank you for being with us again so my question is more of a general question on the whole topic of the show life conflict death purpose meaning um my question is it's very beautiful um especially a lot of the time I hear a lot of nice philosophical answers or deep answers to deep questions questions such as why do bad things happen to good people what happens in the next World amuna questions um purp our purpose here you know and they're very beautiful and nice but at the same time my question is since these things can there's no evidence that this is the answer there is no proof that this is the answer there's no way it just it just makes sense and it's satisfying but the reason people are going for it is because they heard something and it satisfies them can that be considered full satisfaction the fact that there is nothing to fully back it up it's a theoretical question I'm asking like I I enjoy it it's very motivating or is there something more needed to get purpose and I'll just give an example you know if someone wanted to be a skeptic lead to right the on say everyone says your purpose here you want to know what your purpose in life is look at what's your biggest challenge that's that's what that's what you're here for that's why Hashem gave you that challenge to work with it and that's going to be your tiin um that's very nice and that's beautiful at the the same time someone may say you know a bunch of rabbis wanted to make their religion look the best so they wanted their people to work on what's hardest for them which the rest of the world won't do and they gave such an answer to motivate them and it feels good like my question overall is with all these things that no one could see what's in the next world no one knows if this is no one could there's no right in the scientific method there there's you have to have evidence or you have to have since it's something that can't be tangible or seen like you kind of mentioned your introductory how does it not take away from true satisfaction of that answer even though it is truly true thanks for asking that um can you capsulate that question because I'm missing the the for the question the own for the question is it sounds it sounds nice I me I could reward it it sounds nice God is with you God is suffering also it all has to be elevated all has to be how do you know that's even true fine it makes me feel good but can I really trust it as as a fact which is a very good question because Torah should be as real as any fact maybe more real so the truth of the matter is if you want evidence if you want to know whether something is real look at what's been going on for all of history rather than in one particular period or the present time the purpose of life is more real than than than the stones and trees that we that we can touch and see why because for all all of history people have been talking about the purpose of life it never gets old it never stops it it NE we don't find good answers and we keep on asking there's something very real about it it's not a theory and the answer to that question is not going to be satisfying if the answer is not as real as the need you know people say that when you're desperate you'll you'll uh you you'll use anything as a crutch that's so not true it's precisely when you're desperate that you will be very careful what you lean on either it supports you or it doesn't you need support you're not going to lean on a on on a on a leaf you're going to lean on something stronger than your leg otherwise you'll give it up and go look for something else so there is this reality within us we really are created as purposeful creatures we are not content until we find that purpose and we will know when we find that purpose in the same way that we feel the absence of that purpose so it's not all theoretical we have uh what do you call um we have a a sense of Truth we have a a a radar for EMS and when we hear EMS we know it's EMS more EMS than all of our problems which are very real and that's why it satisfies it lifts the burden because it's stronger than the burden does that make sense yeah yeah it's like intuition if I'm understanding it's another sense yeah yeah yeah you can't give a true question a false answer and get away with it doesn't it work thank you so much let's go to the next Live question hold on hi hi thanks so much so you're saying that the Torah could help me understand like what my specific purpose here is in this world how am I supposed to go about searching what that purpose is because the Torah is so vast and bit like there's so much to it so how can I search to find my specific purpose that will help me wake up in the morning so the previous uh the previous uh caller said something about the hardest thing the thing that gives you the the the the most resistance that's your purpose that's your tick tick doesn't mean fix yourself tikon means fix the world so that it becom becomes a dwelling place for Hashem in the process if you need fixing that gets fixed too so to say look at what is hardest for you and that will tell you that that's why you're here it's not it's not the best indicator we're all here to make the world more Godly the way to make the world more God God is through the Mitzvah but are we all doing exactly the same thing replicating it 14 million times or 8 billion times no every individual is different different from all other people for all of history there has never been a person like you never in the these circumstances with your parents in these times in this world with your talents with your limitations there's never been a person like you so when you bench li no one has ever bench Li the way you do so all Jewish women bench but they're not doing the same thing because everyone is fixing some other detail in the world one person lights chabas candles even though she really needs to continue working and not keep chabas at all and for her lighting chabas candles is an exercise in obedience in m nees for another woman lighting chabas candles the best moment of her week finally she gets to rest she's going to be able to relax for her it's so it's a whole different experience every person has a little difference which makes a huge difference for the world so how do you know which particular Mitzvah you are particularly meant to do where should you put your main effort where should you put your main devotion maybe the answer is not the most hard but the most successful where do you find the most success what are your real biggest talents they are given to you to use them to serve Hashem properly where do you find the greatest satisfaction it doesn't have to be da the one that makes you the biggest makes you the most miserable or gives you the hardest time so we all have our Mitzvah we don't have to look for trouble we don't have to look for difficulties use your talents use your knowledge use your head and every day figure out a way to serve God a little better beautiful okay there's so many questions people really want Clarity R Freeman okay let's go to the next Live question I'll mute hi I just muted them sorry I'll mute again hi hi thank you roodman and thank you Mr pis um so my question is ever since I was a little girl I was always approached with the question right what's the point of hasas um because at the end of the day hashm does have a plan for us and I feel like as much hasas that we do of course Hashem has opport has any thought about changing it he'll change it um but I think as humans like we have a mindset of if we have a goal then we go for it and sometimes when we do hisas that goal is not met um and again it's not meant for us right that's what Robert Freedom was saying before it's not necessarily meant for us but um I want to know that that hisus is being taken into consideration I guess that it really matters so what would you consider proof that your hus worked the only the goal is me right and the goal is mashia as long as mashiah isn't here all har All Our hisas has not yet worked that's why we want to try a little harder and make the world perfect and fulfill God's plan but why if the if the plan is to fix the world why doesn't God just do it himself sure he can do a better job than we can so he tells us lak why doesn't he do it anytime he wants that's because then it's not of course he can make it holy but then it's his Holiness not the Holiness of the world that's why he gave us B because he wants it to be our Mitzvah or you can take me up let me give you a good example the reason that we must have is not so that we can choose whatever pair of shoes we want to buy that's not to choose the house you want to live in that's not that's all what is real real means how you respond to him so let's say for example Hashem wants you to love him if you were to ask why doesn't he just make us love him why doesn't he create us loving him because then it wouldn't be our love it would be his love he would be loving himself but he wants our love for that he has to give us everything else we don't need let him choose which house we live in let him choose which shoes we buy the only area where we must have is in this partnership in this marriage with Hashem you can't make your husband love you because then you're loving yourself he can't make you love him because then he's loving himself so if he demands love he'll never get what he wants because it'll never be your love so that's why Hashem has to be patient he has to allow free choice he has to wait for us to get around to it on our own and he's absolutely confident that we will so what is hisus isus means not so much uh isus in making a living estad and going to a doctor when you need to be cured or even estad in a in the end the is B and whether you're healthy or not is B and whether you're rich or not is Basher the only thing that is not Basher is will you love him will you choose him will you serve him or will you be busy with yourself that his is absolutely awesome and and that's why every little effort makes such a huge difference because it's really your and here he needs it to come from you or it's not a real relationship and that's why the BM said anytime a person even gives a because of difficulties that to Hashem is TR you're immediately forgiven in hashem's eyes because you're struggling in the mission that he gave you and and he loves you for it and that's why the BM said that Sim is the highest form of a hasem Sim means I'm glad to be part of this plan with all of its pains and appointments but I'm glad sh that is such a precious thing to Hashem so we don't need death to threaten us into living we just need to know how valuable and how important this is to him and then we do it with pleasure beautiful let's go to the next Live question you're on so much um my question is in order for me to serve Hashem I have needs there are things I need um it could be physical could be emotional psychological um Hashem wants me to have have these things in order for me to do the mitas so is it my need is it his need even for me to be part of the show there are certain things I need I'm glad to be here but I wouldn't be able to if I wouldn't have certain things certain needs met yes yes you're very right see but that's what we mean that Hashem never asks for something that is too hard for you there are two things going on what Hashem really needs is for you to be by his side serving him like a marriage in order for that to happen he has to give you the um the opportunities the ability to actually do that so here's our deal with Hashem you give me what I need I'm busy doing what you need that's that's our country ract with Hashem and that's why we have and we have we're going to have everything will be good but we're really busy and devoted to serving him and doing what he needs from us trusting that he will provide the opportunity and it makes sense also if you want me to serve you well then take off the hand the handcuffs and if there is a place where I really cannot serve you then obviously those Mitzvah that I can't do are not required of me if you're an is if you cannot fast on Kipper then then then don't he's not asking that of you because if he really wanted it from you he would make it possible so yeah it's it's it's a deal so what are the rewards that the Toyota promises if we do Mitzvah and serve Hashem properly what are the rewards the rain will come in time and you'll have food for yourself and your animal this is a reward no this is what enables us to do the Mitzvah because if you don't have the rain and you don't have what to eat then then it it distracts you from the Mitzvah the beauty of the Jewish people is we don't wait we don't wait until we have everything we need we're busy doing for him what he needs from us and we trust that he will give us everything we need because after all if you hire me to work in your company of course you're going to give me an office with a desk that's not part of my Sal is that part of the reward down to trust that's just good working conditions what did you say it boils down to trust no it boils down to not being dependent we will do the Mitzvah even under impossible circumstances because for most of our history the circumstances have been impossible so Hashem is very very touched and very proud of how well we serve him and he will provide he always does in the end but we don't wait we don't wait not conditional on him doing he'll do what he has to do to give us there it's not like you give me first and then I'll right you know yeah yep y thank you I think everybody's listening and it sounds amazing but at the end of the day people are sitting and whether it's AA or Panos and it's so hard for them you know logically they hear what you're saying you know yeah but we can't and we won't give in these problems we won't give up life we won't give up so it's very helpful to talk about these things even if it doesn't take away the problem but problems can be overcome problems can be transcended we have the ability to be a mench even when circumstances make it hard otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore we would have given up a long time ago so to say yeah yeah but I have a problem we all have problems those problems are part of the tikon that we have to be fixing so instead of seeing it as a discouraging thing it's just a job description if your job is to wash dishes then dirty dishes don't discourage you so if your job is I'm G give you a very painful example there's a mother whose child neb took his life he was 17 years old and and the mother mother was wailing about the the the the tragedy of the meaningless life a waste of life so I sat down with her and I said you know you're not you're not giving your son enough credit nobody kills himself overnight people who suffer from Suicidal Tendencies suffer for years until they can't anymore every day every day of all of those years that your son did not commit suicide was a victory for Hashem a victory for Holiness a victory for goodness and it made the entire phenomenon of suicidal thinking and suicidal uh desperation much weaker for everyone in the world because in the end suicide is an illness it's an evil it's a Darkness it's an unholiness every day that he said no and did not do it made that particular evil weaker that's called tikon you take kak out of the ugliness out of the darkness so that it weakens and people all over the world find it easier to say no when they have a suicidal uh ideation so he fought many battles and won many battles he didn't win the war but to describe that as a waste of a life God forbid every time we say no to a problem every time we say no to despair to yush every time we say no to discouragement we win a battle that's exactly what we're supposed to be doing to these Unholy feelings or Unholy pains we're supposed to say you can't stop me because the MS is stronger because good is stronger than bad so it's not an obstacle it's the job description if God is putting this on your plate it means that this is what you need to fix for the whole world so every time a person is tempted to steal for example and he resists the whole y for stealing becomes weaker in the whole world so in some way it is easier for people who are attempted to steal all over the world to say no and slowly slowly all these yatah haras all these Temptations will be reduced to nothingness and the world will be God's main dwelling place I have a question so my question question is when you see now in the world so much unholiness when you see so much crime so much horrible what's going on the world with people you see the way they're treating AR Isel you see the way the hatred is coming out from all sides you see pure evil from all sides so our job is Tak our job is to make hashem's Dwelling Place beautiful and amazing but when you see it seems like the world is going really down a very to you know like the time of like you know D stuff like that you know it just seems like that the even with all the other you know the gay stuff and all that stuff just seems so strong at this point like what what is it for are you saying that every time we do something proper even though everything is negative that's being M and that even though it's going against the tide yes and we and we you know there's obviously no option but to go against the tide When the tide is so crazy and I think that that's the right word to use I don't think the world is more evil than than 50 years ago but it is definitely more crazy so the problem is not how bad people is the problem is how uninformed how ignorant people are they weren't taught anything about God the average teenager in the street has no idea what you mean by Ten Commandments they don't know what that means is that part of the Constitution is that the uh the Bill of Rights they have no idea what Ten Commandments are they don't even know the movie so how can you blame them the problem now is not so much what is it's what's not what's lacking there's no knowledge there's no lesson there's no mus there's no there's no Hasa it's it's a bigus on this world and question is how will they ever get out of this even chuva doesn't help for stupidity can't you can't do Chua for being insane so really what needs to happen is all these people need to be educated because they're living in a total moral vacuum it's not that they're bad they don't know what bad means they don't know what good means they just know the news whatever the thing feed them whether it's the Instagram or the or the or the news or CNN it becomes like like like this is the way it is you know I mean like very programmable that is so sad and so dangerous so we really need to educate like the G says it's not the mouse that you blame for the for the for the L cheese it's the hole in the house that lets them in close up the hole the problem is not that people are bad the problem is that there's a huge hole a gaping hole in their education even if you're the president of a of a Ivy League school you've you've learned nothing you have no idea up and down right and wrong light and dark you have no idea because nothing in your education taught you anything you need to know so don't blame the people blame the vacuum fill in the blank spaces and people will you know if you if you stop the individual who was marching in a pro uh Palestinian protest stop them and take them aside and talk to them oneon-one in five minutes you change their mind CU they don't even know what they're protesting there's a video there videos of they they they took the teenage college students and they asked them what it means River sea what they talking about they have no idea the yeah so of course there is a very evil group of people who are malicious who want to to control the world who want to to cause all sorts of chaos but they're a tiny minority and they have to be eliminated Hamas has to go that's true but the rest of the world simply needs to know more about about Hashem that's why the ram says when mashiah comes what's going to be the great result the world will be filled with the knowledge of Hashem like water fills the ocean that's what's missing we're also going to say in the daving why doesn't every created being know who created it it's a crazy situation it's not not normal like the guy on the road who never recognized or admitted that he was created so I think if we Teach the World to say whatever it is good news bad news whatever is going on it's not me I did not create myself I'm designed for a divine Purpose By A Divine Creator who has a divine plan to make the world Divine it lightens your load it's so much easier to breathe you feel liberated like like a soldier who knows that the whole Army is behind him and that the president is behind him really behind him doing everything he can to help him succeed in his mission fre let's go to the next Live question okay okay hi how are you thank you hi Rabbi Freedman thank you um recently this week I was hearing another one of your lectures and you were saying that up until recently we've been waiting for mashiah and now you mentioned the idea that mashiah is really now waiting for us can you explain that further for us yeah so we've been talking about it this evening we don't just wait for mashiach we do what it takes to bring mashiach whatever those conditions are like you know the tilting Point have we reached that point where we can tilt the scales and favor of the world so that mashiah can come and and finish the job but mashiach can't come if people are not willing to hear if people are not going to listen see he's going to come and and and and start all sorts of new controversies the world has to be ready for mashiah doesn't mean we have to be perfect but we have to be open to the fact that we need leadership we need a and we are willing to listen to this m then mashia can come but he's going to come and people will say he is mashiach and some people say he's not mashiach we don't need this so we have to do what it takes to make the world receptive to what mhia will teach and the world is far more receptive today than any time in in history certainly in in recent history everyone admits they don't have answers no no one thinks that their president is going to be the the Savior and the solution to all our problems in fact people who believed in whatever it is no longer believe in whatever it is people don't believe that science will solve all our problems people don't believe polit politics will solve our problems people don't believe medicine is going to solve our problems people don't believe in anything anymore because in the last five years everything collapsed communism is long gone democracy is not working so well secularism in Israel has been a disaster even religion in Israel has been a disaster what's left only the abish himself his plan his relationship with us and our response to him is the world ready for mashiah I don't know exact numbers but I would say 80% which is much better than ever in history 80% of the world is ready the rest just haven't heard don't understand don't know so we need teachers we need we need people who can Enlighten the masses so that they do know and once they know they will do the right thing very optimistic about the world when you say 80% is ready do you mean that they gave up or they realize that we need it they realize they need it and they're ready to hear it from the Jewish people you know the N that the that the nations of the world will come to the to the Jews say B it is happening half of my viewers or listeners are not Jewish and all they want to know is what does the Torah say and what should they do it's it's the Nava is coming true in front of our eyes from Asia from Africa from from from the right wing to the left wing they're all saying we need to know what Torah says for us to do because we don't know we are fablet going back to what you said before about T I think there's a there needs to be a mind shift for most people for the people that are struggling for have people that have very hard time um in in life things are not working out and that connection with Hashem how they relate to Hashem while they're going through whatever they're going through and what you're saying makes a lot of sense but it does take a lot of work they probably are not talking to or they're angry and they want they want everything to stop they don't have K anymore there's so much going on and they know I think there has to be like a to understand what should the relationship be how should they connect to Hashem how should they talk to Hashem from a better place so that they can feel at the end of the day oh okay fine slowly I'm getting there yeah so I think the the good word for this thing is get above your problem be bigger than your problem but there's a very cute expression don't tell God how big your problems are tell your problems how big God is in other words you can't be a slave to your problem because then your problem becomes your king and your God and your master people think and and and we're actually encouraged to think this way you're alive you must be alive you must have what you need to live then you can think about the abish then you've lost the game then you're victimized then you're paralyzed and and you're going to struggle a lot the truth is the abish that created the world the abish that gave you life for a very important purpose and if you pursue that purpose then you are fulfilling your life you have a satisfying life with the pain so what is your default position what is your starting point do you start with I have a bunch of needs what should I do or do you start with I'm here to serve Hashem what's your start stting Point serving Hashem is not something you do in your spare time you don't ask Hashem to wait until you solve your problems and then you'll do him a favor and perform a Mitzvah your starting point is my day begins with if things happen that get in the way or make it hard for me I'm busy I am not going to stop what I was created to do because of any problem and strangely enough the problem goes away let Hashem really take care of your needs while you're busy taking care of his needs and it works that's how we have survived much bigger problems than what we have today because we didn't let the problem become our King we have one king and my pain and my problems my financials my health will not become a king in my life and it goes away it gets better that's part of the deal do for me while I do for you but you don't wait because doing what you were created to do is much more important than solving your problems okay Freedman let's go to some more live questions is that okay sure okay you're on next hi hi hear me yep okay I have a question um I think we're alled to be hearing that have like a very important halfth and um I think I can definitely understand that question is what if we feel like uh is is like bringing out the worst enough despite everything we try and I mean let's say then we learn also that everyone has the C to um overcome all the necess that he has which only add to the resentment when you feel like you're not overcoming because you're supposed to be overcoming you have the overcome and you feel like going sign is only making you all stumble yeah I guess we have to we have to point out that most people who say I can't how do I overcome they are overcoming they're living every day and they're doing mites and they're taking care of their family they want to do it better they want to do it with without pain of course of course but to say they're failing they're not failing it's amazing how much good these people do who say I can't I can't I can't and yet they do and that's no small thing but but here's the problem it's not so much how much pain you're feeling it's how much importance and significance do you put on that pain we get discouraged not by what happens but what we think about it for example a person who says nothing good ever happens for me the problem is not the bad things that happen the problem is you've decided that no good thing is going to happen to you that's what's discouraging if you really believe no good thing is going to happen boy is that discouraging but no matter how many bad things have happened if you don't come to that conclusion that you know that victim mentality then then you are bigger than your problem and you persevere and you overcome so what we're saying is not that the pain isn't real or that it's not painful but do you have to honor the pain you have to give it all the credit like it'll never go away it's too strong it's too big it's too powerful you're more powerful and the proof is you're still going but you give it too much attention you give it too much pain I'm gonna give you a very good example I have a back ache I picked up something and I I I I hurt my back so I went for this therapy the therapy is not the Chiropractic the therapy is you're thinking too much about that one muscle that hurts the solution is to become aware of all the other muscles that don't hurt it's like when one leg hurts you favor that leg and you forget about the healthy one right but what if you feel as a person about thinking about the pain you just you're just let's say becoming bitter without it or resentful or having a harder time concentrating when you're ding in because you feel angry yeah or distract or you just feel distracted or unfocused yeah and what could be the good that that came out of such an assign no so what I'm saying is the reason you become bitter it could be that you're suffering exactly the same pain as the person sitting next to you and the P person sitting next to you is not bitter so what causes the bitterness or the the uh the loss of confidence the the the pessimism where does that come from from the pain not necessarily it comes from the impression on your mind that the pain is making man let's go a little deeper maybe clarify it saying two people can go through let's say the same the it could be a very painful use any example child of a death and one person will come over it another person will it'll bring them down so you're saying it's not the pain because it would be the pain everybody would be right everybody would some let's let's say a death of a child which is thing then everybody will be and never never be able to move on and be suicidal but there are people that are able to to pick themselves up but some people that it's stronger so it's not the the the thing it's how they how they reflecting on it or how they viewing it let explain that yes yes so something bad happens God forbid does that give you the impression that from now on life is downhill if you get that impression no I definitely don't feel that way huh definitely that's I'm usually very positive yeah it's from the discouragement when it seems hard yes let me let me give you a very very emotional very very powerful little incident you mentioned losing a child God forid I went to speak in Mexico and they tell me that uh they pick me up at the airport and they tell me that they're going to drive me to the hotel but there's a young couple waiting for me at the hotel who just had a terrible tragedy and they want to talk to me they don't want to talk to any everybody else they're they know they're they're tired they're exhausted they've spoken to everybody they've tried everything they've heard all the explanations and they they can't they can't function he used to be the life of the Sho he would put on Fillin he would come to Davin he kept chabas since the tragedy he doesn't put on fil he doesn't keep shabas he doesn't want to talk to anybody in fact he wants to leave the community Al together what was the tragedy we shouldn't know from it a six-year-old little girl had suffered an aneurysm very sudden and and it was it was minutes and she was gone they weren't home when it happened the parents were not home they are so angry the husband is so angry had God it it was so it was so emotional so painful he says you know why I'm so angry at God because I love him and he stabbed me in the back I asked I asked him a strange question I said has your daughter visited you yet he says yes twice what did she say she didn't say anything she just smiled I said why did she have to come twice it's not easy for a Nisha to come he says I I don't know I said she's telling you two things she could be happy but you're not letting her she's six years old a six-year-old needs a father a father who encourages a father who is proud a father who who who boasts about his daughter why did you stop being her father you stopped being her father you became a professional full-time griver this is what your daughter needs how can you stop being a father to your six-year-old the whole conversation took about 25 minutes and he said should I put on the fill in here or should I wait till I get home it's it's such a once once you realize it of course the pain is overwhelming so you abandon your child you forgot about your child we got to be on top of the pain not under the pain we're bigger than it there are more important things than the pain what are you going to sit there and cry by your daughter's grave this is what she needs from you to make her feel like she destroyed your life you're putting that on a six-year-old the change the sudden relief and release and it was so dramatic literally 25 minute conversation a very similar story a woman who lost her 19-year-old son car accident also the same thing went into shock wouldn't listen to anybody stopped every activity didn't leave her apartment in over six months but they convinced her to talk to me so I went up to to see her there there she was not among the living she was literally not among the living there was no sign of life in her she described her son the best boy in the world such a mench so D and Adel and every Mile in the the greatest of the great so when she finishes I said wow that's amazing you had such an incredible boy for 19 years she she didn't respond so I said you know the shock is so terrible there was no warning all of a sudden your son is gone the shock is terrible but if there had been no shock if God came to you and said there's a Nisha that needs to come down into this world for 19 years an incredible Nish and God asks you would you please be the mother of this boy for his 19 years what would you have said I was sure she would say yes she says absolutely not if I was asked I would say absolutely not so without thinking I said well then it's a good thing God didn't ask you the flood of Tears opened up she had herself a good cry and in front of my eyes she came back to life she came back to life her voice changed the skin tone her eyes came alive what happened here the same thing she's grieving the loss of her son she can't get over the fact she can't get over the fact that her her her the love of her life was gone so I asked her if if you had known that this would be the end you would have said no to your son when she answered that she would say absolutely not she shocked herself what did I just say I wish I didn't have him how does a mother talk like that she became a mother she got her mother her feelings back she wasn't a mother she was a a mourner as soon as she went back to her motherly instincts of course she's grateful to have a son like that of course the 19 years are fabulously meaningful and precious now she's talking like a mother I just want to I'm getting a lot of text they're all the same question different versions we're basically discussing pain and we're really going to depth how we view it and turning it inside out that two people go through the same thing and it's that mindset of what it is that makes people go through it versus taking you over and I just want to read a few of the questions and then we could just give more of a global answer because you can't go to every single person's problem but like one person they marri to a very abusive person and they feel like why would hasem do something like that to me or I have so much you know all pain and suffering whether it's marriage whether it's panasa whether it's physical health whether it's mental illness whatever it is let's just try to Encompass the same thing you're saying just more General we're focusing mainly on the death of a child let's just so when somebody goes through such a thing where they feel so overwhelmed they feel like hashm is so mean to them that the is so impossible so PS you down makes you depressed and like I hate AEM or I'm so angry at hm or it's an I can't what should be the mindset to try to get out of those depressive negative feelings because let's be honest like you just very clearly said it's not the mat that's making you depressed mat is a sad mat but it's it's the mindset the way you're processing it that's bringing you into the the depths of depression so how would you give it more in a global you mean so another way of saying it is mindset your resp responds to the problems but also you can say don't become the problem you have a problem but don't become it like when you grieve God forbid don't become a griver grieve but be yourself don't change your your your your identity don't change your personality remain yourself so for example you have an abusive husband don't don't become the victim your husband has a problem and you don't know how to fix it but be yourself don't become don't let your problem Define who you are yes and don't start acting like some kind of a vigilante be yourself it's bad enough that he is not a husband don't give up your personality don't give up your values don't give up your standards and the the mindset that how could hasem give me such a hard and why is AEM being so cruel to me how do you fix that mindset okay so the question about the ab you have to know being angry at the ab is not a sin you're entitled to be angry I said to this girl who was very angry I said when when Dad did this to you did he expect you to be angry or he expected you not to notice of course he knew you'd be angry you have let's clar before people really misunderstand what you're saying so you got to be angry at hem correct yes because Hashem did something bad for you or hurtful or painful knowing that you would get angry what what are you not allowed to do Tasha you don't end your relationship with him he is your aish he is your father in Heaven and you're angry at him it happens that makes the relationship real so when you talking you sayem I'm so upset that you did this this to me I love you so much but you hurt me personally and it really really hurts yes yes and he appreciates that well if you don't do it that way you're just not living in reality because at the end of the day let's live in reality somebody does something bad to you right somebody causes you to have cancer you are going to be upset at the person the only person you be upset is hhm because he's the one who gave it to you exactly right you're not allowed to be angry at hem like not it's like it's this famous question how could the T give you a a of jealousy if it's a natural tendency yeah so you fight against natural tendencies natur but but there's nothing to fight against being angry at Hashem is exactly right who else should you be angry at you know that he runs the world it's actually it's actually a sign of of of a you really believe in the iish so who else you going to complain to have the reverse side this father I think I mentioned this on a previous occasion a father calls me from Edo that his 12-year-old daughter has gotten it into her head that the Abad is angry at her and she's miserable and they tried therapy and and Kus they tried everything he puts her on the phone I don't know who I'm talking to I don't know who he is his daughter he puts her on the phone what am I gonna say so I said to her dber is angry at you she says yeah I said I'm so jealous she says what I said you're 12 years old and you can get the abish the angry when did you become so important a 12-year-old can get the angry that's that's awesome it means that the Abad is watching that the Abad is paying attention that what you do is important to him and you did the wrong thing so now he's angry what a compliment when the abish says I'm angry at you that is such a compliment when we somebody writing saying that you're saying that being angry is a sign of aun because it means you believe in Hashem but at the same time being angry is also a lack of aun because then you don't believe that hasm controls everything you do believe it but you're in pain you're not saying I don't believe in you anymore you're saying I'm in pain that's so honest that's so real why don't I believe that for the good well you know I can use a little help with that I think I think let me just clarify maybe maybe what I think you're saying is that go through something hard you can't go straight into the it's good it's all going to be good it's more of like a saying but it's not it's not in your heart so you have to let out that that pain that you have being honest and then you still have to use that same pain and say at the end of the day I know hashm is doing for my good but not expressing the pain you're not being real with yourself is that what you're saying yes and the fact is whoever says I'm angry at Hashem you know they're still doing Mitzvah they're amazing and and the abish is is very moved by this he knows how much it hurts and when you're hurting you run to Hashem that that's so beautiful and for people to come and say well you need more that is so cruel it's a terrible thing to say unless unless you're the you're the mashia you're the you're the RO but as a stranger just say walk it off walk it off that's cruel so a person should not feel guilty for being angry don't add that to your problems be angry angry doesn't mean you're getting divorced one question ask yeah I find it hard I still even though I'm grateful for many things I still find it hard at times to escape the feeling that somehow i' got a raw deal in life some of us either like be it genetics whatever family illness poverty um you know start measuring against other people yeah measuring or just even try not to get a on one hand you don't want to I I don't want to wallow an anger but there's still that kind of a bitterness or or just bewilderment like why why yeah yeah so that's what we were talking about before the why is is so damaging much more than what happened because the worst thing for a human being is not pain and it's not um disappointment it's mystery the thought that something can happen to me that should never have happened that is much more damaging than what ever did happen if you can think if you can even imagine that something happened to you that should not have happened to you that's going to make you miserable yeah I was one of those by the way who answered that we don't always know Mysteries you know why things happen you know they just do yeah but you know that it happened for a reason and that it's not something that should not have happened that is the crucial tilting point because the mind falls apart when you think something can happen that shouldn't then life makes no sense anymore you can't go on after that because if this can happen and it shouldn't then anything can happen for no reason and then you fall apart the brain can't handle that it's not the pain it's the senselessness a human being can't handle senseless if things can happen for no reason I quit I quit because you can't deal with no reason you can't make sense of no reason [Music] oura is that it came from Hashem Hashem did it he had a reason I don't know what the reason is that's the mystery but that there's a reason of course there's a reason I think what makes it hard is because excuse me we're Jewish we're supposed to all be beloved by God you know then why are we different from other Jewish families or individuals I think that's what I find pain more painful you know yeah but you see you just asked a very intelligent question thank you didn't think I was we are his favorite people why would he treat me like this that's a logical question and it's asking for life to make sense but when you come to the conclusion no it just happened for no reason oh then we're in deep trouble let's make it even more clear if ien believe that something happened to me that should not have happened it shouldn't have happened it was a mistake it was not meant to be and and it derails me from my life because this should not have been part of my life the problem with that is if it shouldn't have happened then what made it happen who made it happen this is this is bordering on a if Hashem didn't make it happen who did you have a good God and a bad God the Satan made it happen this borders Onish so how could something happen if it wasn't meant to if Hashem did it then it was meant to if Hashem didn't do it then how could it have happened who else runs the world besides Hashem so when we say no bad thing ever happens bad means something that shouldn't have happened a thing that shouldn't happen cannot happen God runs the world nobody else do we need to know why Hashem made it happen not necessarily but we need to know that he made it happen to his favorite people so there must be a very good reason there there better be a good reason knowing that there's a reason is good enough to keep me sane I'm still upset but I won't go crazy if I think that it happened without reason I I'm going to go crazy cuz then life is out of control it's I can't I can't function like this the brain doesn't allow senselessness so that's part of the amuna the amuna is it's God's fault he made it happen I can be angry at him because then I know there's a reason and I know who to blame that will keep me sane I just want to say that doesn't mean I expect life to be just a walk in the park but I'm just saying when you're talking just yeah me extrem the situation yeah yeah so so the best question to ask when something happens that we can't handle the best question to ask Hashem is what do you want me to do it's not business as usual ual I'm devastated in this Devastation what do you want me to do that keeps you going keeps you from becoming victim let's to the closing segment now um wow very powerful share tonight so first of all coming on tonight giving in a very important topic and hopefully we could take it from here there's a lot more to talk about and hopefully everybody gets from this and is able to deal with their pain and suffering has more of a global view why we're here tonight share share 196 if anybody wants to join the WhatsApp chats please WhatsApp me at 732 314710 you can join the community chat you can also go to.com and sign up here the first time every Sunday night at 9:30 on the zoom ID different sh different topics and therapist please join us next week August 4th August 4th with Joey Haber from who's now in Dale New Jersey from M and David in New York um he's an amazing speaker hopefully we'll have to topic uh wrapped up this week that should be an amazing share please join us um if anybody everything is all recorded m.com if has any questions please email Coachman gmail.com everything is recorded also be on all the podcasts and all the coach col colian Apple play Spotify YouTube all those places it's also on the phone lines if people want to call list on the phone 732 305 9011 911 anybody wants to be in touch fre giv a lot of shum a lot of lectures online Zoom for his website I'm sure he has all the information R fre right everything is on your website everything I ever said everything you ever said B is on his website and if you want to follow him the big the big Rabbi um again thank you to all the advertising sponsor scoop lwn Central from jcn going to go to the closing SE segment I'll speak first and then we'll leave it ra to leave us with strong words after such a powerful sh um I just want to say that thank you for coming on it's I believe that we're seeing very difficult things in the world today and people are in a lot of pain and people feel a lot of suffering it's also people are very you know I don't want to use the word self-loathing but people do get into the pain a lot and it does bring them down and it's painful and the Sorrows are a lot and it's hard you know people ask we we doing this for years and years me and coach and the the pain that we've seen come out on this program and pain that so many people are in everybody's in pain some people are stronger than others it's just it's hard to see so much pain and to be like you know and be able to you know give to people and just tell them that you know have more and mindset But ultimately you know there's only really two options the way I see it is either you could self Lo in it and it brings you down and it's it's a sad demise and the other option is you you you do everything within your power whether it's learning coming to coach getting speaking to a friend going to a therapist anything and everything that a person needs or could do that could help him get out of a mat of of depression or Yos or hurt is is a is a person's to do and I feel that we need to work on that very strongly and it's something that we always me personally we always need to constantly do it and you know for fre we probably spoken a lot about hm and a lot about and a lot about a lot of stuff over the past four and a half years but it's it doesn't make a difference like we always need that recharging of our and strength especially when you see so so much difficulty right now going on so I feel like M tonight here people could have some clarity and realize that Hashem is with us and that we have the power to mind frame ourselves to give ourselves theic ultimately we all want to get out of the depression we all want to get out of our mat we don't have any control there's nothing that RAB Freeman could say that's going to answer why you went through this and why hasem chose you and why there's so much pain there's no he doesn't have the answer only hasem knows the answer but we could reframe our minds with to really give ourselves the strength to go on they say this by S by the way it's a good word somebody said what's when give when you give somebody SED when he's down in the dumps he can't pay his bills you give him $1,000 he can pay his mortgage or you help a person out he gets because if a person never gets out of his mat he just gives up and he just comes into deep depression and it's over but that little that you gave him that you helped him or whether it's money or whether your guy comes to you he's depressed and you put your hand around them youo with him you give him the time of day you see somebody that's lonely you invite them for suda that one bit of goodness you give to a person who's down could pick them up to help them for the rest of their lives because they could take it to the next level and then now that they feel a little better they can go get the help they can go reach out to somebody else they could rebuild instead of being all the way on the bottom so when you do a for somebody even talking nice to somebody or being there for somebody you can give them they pull themselves out of the the the depths of depression so that's what I just want to say and thank you for coming on and cl everything fre we love when you come on you you always choose a topic and we go to the the depth yeah I want to thank refan like we heard Ori said every time refan comes on there is what to think about we've heard it we have to hear it again it's something sometimes we understand it sometimes you have to wait listen to it again and eventually you get theic needed and uh basically just a takeaway to understand that there is no one else in this world only you and Hashem like everybody trying to figure out what's my purpose so we heard the concept of purpose you put it down very good but but how do I know what's my purpose so we heard your purpose is whatever you do there's no one else that can do it the way you do it and every person is is a you are you and hem the relationship you and hem the mitz that you and to focus on the things that you do good like we heard you know that hasm has a he gets the an know that you're doing that Mitzvah you know instead of going to the things that are so hard challenge go to the things that you're doing and live with it and uh feel it and like we heard most of us already for mashiah we're not stopping we're not waiting we're we're continuing to do what we need to do to bring mashiah and hopefully the 20% will latch on with the 80% and we'll all be ready and should frean after two and a half hours of talking of existence pain and suffering demeaning and how to really give ourselves the proper mindset what do you want to leave the o with I had a couple came for marriage counseling they were happily married until the week that they came to to see me what happened all of a sudden he invested all his Savings in a in a business deal and he lost the whole thing he lost all the money he was never a rich man he invested $300,000 and he lost all the money he was devastated to say to put it mildly his wife said It's Only Money it's no big deal he can't look at her he hates her she's a monster he wants her out of the house immediately and she's saying what did I say I gave him good advice I tried to help him out what was the issue here before you tell someone that your problem is not serious you first have to feel the pain she didn't cry with him and then say It's Only Money she stood Like a Stranger like an observer like a spectator and passed judgment on his pain you don't have to be so upset it's just money you're a monster when I needed you the most you walked out on me moral of the story before you give someone advice before you give somebody an answer feel the pain and that's why it's hard to do over the internet but if you know you're talking to somebody individually before you say have have it's all for the good don't be the enemy First share the pain as an Insider then you get to say something but if you're standing away immune to the pain you have no right to say anything the Abad does the same the Abad doesn't say trust me trust me first he feels your pain he suffers more than you do now if you know that he's on your side if you know that he's there with you then when he tells you to have B you can hear it you can appreciate it you can try but if he's just sitting up there in heaven telling you to be cool that that's horrible so first empathy than advice okay thank you everybody for joining tonight thank you for giving us so much of your time we really appreciate it and um sh again in the future we hope to see you again hope see next week August 4th Sunday night 9:30 p.m. Eastern same time same place R Joey habber everybody have a wonderful week Kakak