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Existence & Purpose:The Reasons Behind Human Purpose and Meaning of Death, Rabbi Manis Friedman #196
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Rabbi Manis Friedman on Let’s Get Real with Coach Menachem, Sunday, July 28, 2024, #196 Exploring Existence & Purpose: Life Conflict Choice - Uncover the Reasons Behind Human Purpose and the Meaning of Death
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hi everybody Welcome to tonight's
program Coach man beld thank you for
joining us on this beautiful summer
nights uh tonight is shear 196 and I
always started first thanking everybody
for being part of it and letting people
know about the shear emailing it around
posting on the WhatsApp
statuses it's a place to get a lot of
clarity place to grow together place to
talk a lot about a lot of issues and
hopefully tonight we'll get a lot of
clarity on you know some big topics that
you know we all know fundament but just
we need that you know especially
everything that's going on right now so
we felt RAB fredman on again who every
program came out Freeman has been one
more powerful than the next so hopefully
tonight will be the same thing if
anybody wants to join our WhatsApp chats
please whatsa me at 732
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part of it special thank you to all the
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Jewish digital platforms anybody's here
the first time every Sunday night at
9:30 on this Zoom ID you have different
shim and we talk with different rabbis
and different therapists and big people
you know that come with points and uh
please join us next Sunday night August
4th we're going to have world famous
Joey Haber who Rabbi in mag and David in
Brooklyn he's in Dale in the summer he
gives very powerful speeches he actually
has a woman chair live Wednesday my wife
went last week she said he was just
spoke so amazing so hopefully sure next
Sunday he'll be here with us we didn't
choose the topic and uh please join us
and that should be very powerful indeep
tonight's year is
196 and I want to turn the the the the
the camera to ared and Lakewood New
Jersey to tell us what 196 has to do
with tonight's program what's the G shom
everyone to zoom share number
196 explaining existence and purpose
life conflict Choice uncovered the
reasons behind human purpose and the
meaning of death this year we dwelling
into the above reasons and the secrets
behind it which leads us up to tonight's
G
196 the hidden
secrets beautiful beautiful thank you
for
that
perect perfect okay we're gonna go into
it get it start now my famous question I
ask you every Sunday night it's Sunday
night I mean Sunday afternoon what are
we doing here why are we spending our
time here what are we trying to
accomplish tonight what's the goal of
tonight's program oh yeah welcome
everyone to another let's
with like I say every week with a lot of
we're doing number
196 we've covered a lot and uh last week
we had an amazing program the basics for
shom bias to understand just understand
what the man needs what the woman needs
tonight's topic is uh we're taking it to
the next level it's not an easy one and
I do want to thank R Freeman for joining
us to talk about this but talking about
the top of these topics that are a
little bit
abstract it's not something that it's
not
tangible and um many of us have a hard
time just understanding when it comes to
these ideas something that you can't see
you can't touch and um it could be hard
but that's really um the goal talking
about
a um living living you know in the world
connected to hasem and every you know
every
aspect and all of this is something that
not always do we understand how to
connect especially when we live in a
world where most of us are busy
running busy um with more tangible
things you know making money so that we
could have other to serve AEM but many
times it could be cars houses vacations
it's more the tangible things and um you
know you have to be busy you have to
make money you don't have time and yes
we DAV yes we learn but we're not really
connected to it it's more those tangible
things that we you know taking care of
the kids and the the house the car which
is important but sometimes that's where
we connect versus when we we need to
stop and think a little bit what's what
what are we looking for what's the goal
um especially as a ye without that
you know you're you're missing you're
missing the main
thing so talking about these
ideas I would say many times even
whenever fean shares you know you share
um these ideas people out they have a
hard time understanding connecting to
understand really what you know to bring
it out so tonight is a time that we can
try to understand try to connect and if
we have questions let's bring it on the
table so that
we can eventually slowly step by step
live our purpose the Tas on this world
you know we all have ups and downs we
all have things that we like and then
things that we don't like and we don't
understand and those who have a hard
time connecting to Hashem because he's
the one who doing it or maybe not and
you're trying to figure it out but all
of
that takes it takes that you need to
stop take a deep breath and talk about
these very um not tangible stuff pretty
abstract and see where do I come in how
do I connect to it so that we can grow
and take it to the next level so with a
lot ofay hopefully we'll be able to ask
our questions understand and take it
to to the next
level okay let's get into it tonight sh
we um titled it gloring existence and
purpose life conflict life's conflict
Choice uncover the reasons behind human
purpose and the meaning of even death
getting into the whole Global scope it's
more of a mystical spiritual share but
hopefully we'll get to use it as a
physic to we live through such difficult
times where everything really just seems
so so beyond crazy I think sometimes we
need to go back to the fundamentals of
just why we're here without getting like
like a zoom out re Manis like zoom out
more on a global level so really just
that that I think would be very
important ra man I read your bio should
should we just give it to you what do
you want let's get to the topic let's
get to the we enough man if anybody
doesn't know Rabbi Freeman putting his
name in on the internet you'll find him
pretty quickly he's the biggest YouTube
Rabbi tremendous amount of flow
followers so Manan here Manis the floor
is yours open it up and then hopefully
questions will be able to really clarify
all so the first thing is that all of
these
questions that are so
fundamental I mean we can call them
mystical we can call them esoteric
but really they're just very
fundamental they're essential they're
they're the core of
everything this these questions you
would think would be the first ones to
get answered in a school in an education
and an
upbringing it shouldn't wait till a
person is 70 to get to these
questions they should be with you know
with with the olive Bays the ABCs of
Judaism ABCs of
life so yeah it's time it's very much in
in
demand to get to what used to be
esoteric topics but now it's life giving
or life destroying if we don't know why
we're here and we don't have a purpose
in life we get depressed and it can lead
to even
Suicidal
Thoughts so this is this is not extra
special stuff this is this is the bread
and
butter so let's get to some
definitions the first thing is why are
we always looking for purpose in
life who says there is
purpose you're here make the best of it
if you can't well too
bad who says there's
purpose and we've been looking at for it
we've been searching for
it as if we're so sure that it
exists purpose doesn't
mean my devotion or my commitment or my
goal I can't wake up one morning and
make up a
purpose I can come up with a plan
and come what a plan I want to go to
medical school I want to become a doctor
I want to make a certain amount of money
a year so that I can afford a bigger
house in the neighborhood of my
choice is that my purpose in
life
no that's just a choice if I change my
mind I'll do something
else if you say purpose in life you mean
do I exist out of a purpose or is my
existence without
purpose I'm just trying to make one
up if we had not been created with a
purpose we wouldn't have any concept of
purpose it wouldn't
exist just like no one would be homesick
if there was never a
home so we're looking for purpose
because we were created that way so
purpose is not my purpose
purpose it's my Creator's purpose for
me and that's why I'm here and that's
what my life is all
about so yes I would like to
know if I was created for a purpose I
really should know what that purpose
is now this is good news and this is
painful news If there really is a
purpose to my life well then my life has
just taken on a whole new
meaning huge
difference on the other hand if I'm
created for a purpose and I'll never
know my purpose that's pure
torture so people are asking what is the
purpose of
life the purpose means the Creator's
purpose not my purpose that I make up
after the
fact the other thing
is if I'm asking what is the purpose of
life it means that life does not justify
itself nobody asks what is the purpose
of eating potato
chips I don't need a purpose the potato
chips are
good what is the purpose of taking
vitamins oh good
question because if I don't know the
purpose of the vitamin I wouldn't be
taking
them so if I ask what is the purpose of
life is because I don't think life makes
sense there must be some purpose to it
because it itself per se
is not
justified living because I'm living so
that I'm living now that doesn't make
sense people who ask what is the purpose
of life are convinced that life itself
must have a
purpose otherwise who needs
it we've always in the
past assumed yeah got to be
gun I mean you got to
live
why because otherwise you'd be
dead today people are saying that's not
a good
answer I live so that I live and not die
that's not an
answer so when you say what is the
purpose of
life you're asking does this living this
thing of hanging around until you're 90
years
old does it have a good purpose
because it needs
justification I once heard somebody say
the purpose of life is to experience
pleasure which is rather foolish because
pleasure is life and I'm asking you what
is the purpose
you can't say the purpose of life is
because there's pleasure in life I know
there's pleasure in life and I still
need a
purpose what is the purpose of this
pleasure of this
ecstasy and sometimes
Agony what do we need it
for in simple language the question of
what is my purpose can be rewarded
in who needs
me who needs
this I didn't create myself the sages
say it's easier not to be
born the sages also say you are
conceived against your will you develop
against your will you're born against
your will you live against your will and
you die against your
will which is a little pressing it on
the face of
it but what it's saying is you don't
need any of
this well
then who needs me I'm
here I didn't bring myself into
existence so yes there
is a purpose or a need for me to be here
but it's not my
need so somebody tell me what am I
needed for otherwise I get
depressed just to hang
around so now we know what does it mean
purpose in
life so there's this incredible story in
the
gamarra one of the sages was riding down
the road on his donkey and he saw on the
side of the road an extremely ugly
individual
the sage stopped and said to this man
how ugly can you
get I'm not sure those were the exact
words but something like
that how did you get so
ugly and the man
said don't complain to me go to the
designer who designed
me and he was not as ugly as he was
before because For the First Time in his
life he recognized that he had a
Creator the ugliness came from his
arrogance and from his
narcissism self-made man so the sage
said to him you're a self-made man why'
you make yourself so ugly
so he had to admit oh I didn't do that
part go to my maker who designed
me now the question is if somebody says
wow you're
beautiful why doesn't anybody ever say
go to my maker who designed
me I didn't do
it wow you're so
smart go to my maker who design me leave
me
alone we say that only when there's
something we don't like about
ourselves but in truth that should be
our attitude all the
time who made
me who made me dependent on food who
made me and designed me that I have to
sleep hours out of every day who did
this I didn't
I don't even think it's a good
idea so with
this with this
introduction we can start to make sense
out of
life many things in life are not to my
liking because nobody asked me nobody
consulted with
me even my very birth and my very
existence I wasn't asked I wasn't
consulted if I had been asked I probably
would have said no thank you leave well
enough
alone but here I
am which means there's a
maker and this maker designs
me for his
purpose now I need to know what that
purposes so my grandfather says to me
you know that 3,300 years ago the
Creator who designed you gathered the
Jewish people at Mount Si and said I
think it's time I shared with you my
purpose for creating the world and for
creating
you and he gave us the whole story and
the whole
picture in
writing in the
Torah the Torah tells us what God
expects from his world from his people
from his Nation from each
individual why we were designed the way
we were designed and how we can partner
with him in fulfilling his
plan now everything makes
sense things don't have to go my way
because as far as I'm concerned none of
this is necessary
it exists because God has a plan God has
a passion God has a vision and he
created us as his Partners in that
Vision so if things don't go my way I am
not terribly
surprised because I don't even know
which way it should
go I look in the Torah I find out what
should be what shouldn't be what helps
God's plan what delays God's plan what
gives him pleasure what gives him
pain I find out all about the maker who
made
me and life takes on a
whole vast Eternal meaningful
existence does that need any further
so just last week we read this beautiful
thing in the weekly Torah
portion Moshe is told that he's not
going to go into the
land he's going to
die 120 years old and that's as long as
he was meant to live and mosha is
worried what's going to be with the
people after he passes over
way so in this week in last week's Torah
portion Moshe says to God appoint
someone provide a leader so that the
people will not be like Lambs or sheep
without a
Shepherd after I'm
gone because sheep without a Shepherd
are in Mortal Danger
God's answer is tell the people to bring
a
sacrifice which is very pleasing to me
it is my
bread now this needs to be explained
right so
Rashi quotes the talmud the
midrash that says that this
conversation is similar to a
princess who who knows that she is dying
and she asks her husband to remember to
take good care of the
children and the husband says to the
princess rather than tell me to take
care of the children tell the children
to take care of
me this is the medish telling us what
this conversation between Moshe and God
was Moshe said
take care of the people don't leave them
without a
Shepherd God
says you're worried about the
children worry about me and tell the
children to take good care of me to
provide my
bread the
sacrifice how do we skip over something
like that
how do we just read it and go on as if
nothing
happened God is
saying as vital as it is for me to take
care of the people it is as vital as as
that for the people to provide for
me how is it
God
needs the sacrifice as much as we need a
Shepherd without a Shepherd we could be
killed what is God worried
about so the thinking really has to be
adjusted yes without God we would be
killed and then
what and then we would have no further
problems so our need for
protection is for a very short
time when God says this is my need this
is my bread it's
forever it's
forever the pleasure that God gets from
our Mitzvah is
forever and it's essential to him like
bread and
butter except without the butter
this is the Torah this is God
speaking it makes such a
difference because if you want to get
down to real real when I started this
program in
Minnesota
1970 for college women
they have a room full of modern women
modern in
1970 and they they they're there to
learn
Judaism whatever I said I thought was
really exciting and
meaningful all I got was this Blank
Stare Torah says this Mitzvah God is
beautiful shabas
and their reaction
was
yeah
nice don't need
this I don't need
this and I'm trying to figure out some
way to convince them that they need
it didn't
work until I said to them Torah is
really not what we
need Torah is what God needs from
us all of a sudden the room got
excited we really resonate it resonates
with us that my purpose in life is not
me me needs a
purpose me need
purpose so it can't be about
me and to think that the Creator of the
world is the purpose of my existence
that's pretty
exciting in fact one woman who had made
it very clear that she doesn't believe
in God
altogether she doesn't believe in God I
said oh but but God is waiting for you
to do a
Mitzvah she said really all of a sudden
she's
interested a god sitting in heaven who
doesn't care why should I believe in
that so when she said she's an atheist
she meant I don't believe in a God in
heaven a God who cares who created me
with a reason I that's a different
story tell me
more so we basically have to
revolutionize thinking in the world
number one
it's not about
me life is not about me the Torah is not
about me religion is not about
me if it's all about me then I'm a
narcissist and there's too much of that
going around we hate
it we get very tired of being a
narcissist we're choking on it please
please tell me there's more to life than
me so we need to re-educate the world
it's God's world God's
plan and he wants us to be part of
it that's a whole different
picture the purpose is not for us to be
rewarded and get to heaven
the purpose is to bring Heaven Down to
Earth because God who is in heaven wants
to come down to earth and be the god of
Israel not the god of
Heaven to was not given for
heaven it changes everything
in fact I'm talking to a
minister a
pastor he says do you believe in the
Savior I said actually I'm not looking
for a god who's going to serve me I want
to serve
God the man started to cry he said how
come I never thought of
that God exists for
me to help me to bless me to save me me
to protect
me we're finally catching on the world
is catching
on and the world is ready to
serve not be
served it's so much healthier it's so
much Holier it's so much more
refined it's so much more Jewish
means it's not what I can get from him
it's what I can do for
him
if why is that not taken more
seriously there is a Hashem what are you
doing for
Hashem how are you serving him as the
mishna says not only should you serve
him but you should serve him without
thought of a
reward well then what am I
doing if I don't need the reward and he
doesn't need the Mitzvah what what am I
doing is a fundamental questions that
every student of of Torah should know
before before they even get to the fine
print
how important is it to know that God has
a deeper more personal investment in my
life than I
have I can do without
it he obviously can't
well that changes
everything well let's put it in very
dramatic
terms if God forbid
tomorrow the world blows itself up and
stops existing who's
loss who would be the loser
of course the
Creator that's why God says don't do
these sins you're you're destroying my
world and on the other hand anything we
do that makes this world a little bit
better
anything grow enough corn to feed other
people you've made God's world better
and he owes you he's grateful to
you you've made his world better not
your
world so everything good we do becomes
Divine and and eternal meaningful
forever now you wake up with a whole
different
attitude you wake up and you know why
you wake up and you know who you're
serving you know that this this
excitement about
God that what came in reaction to to
Trump not
being not being
shot everybody says it's a
miracle but what's even more exciting is
they attribute the miracle to
God have people say oh it was a miracle
I was in a car accident and oh is a
miracle I'm still alive who performed
the
miracle you're grateful to
whom you think this world is wonderful
you love your
life who do who do you
think the world is very quick now just
this last week
to thank
God that's that's
progress very Freeman can we go to the
polls and questions a lot of questions
people want to ask
absolute okay so let's start off with
the polls just to get the a little
warmed up and there's a lot of questions
people want to ask and everybody should
please ask re is here to answer and
clarify anybody has any questions so
please this is a very um you know
important thing to really have Clarity
here we go three question poll I want
everybody to give their best answer
first
question what do you believe is the
primary purpose in this world four
options a to prepare for the world to
come B to work out our character traits
C helping others in contributing to
society or D I don't really think about
it okay D is not a good
answer let people answer let people
answer let people answer I want to oh
people are gonna vote okay yeah second
question how do you perceive conflicts
and hardship in life how do you perceive
it number one as test from hasm to
strengthen our
faith number two as opportunities for
personal growth and
self-improvement number three as
consequences of human Free Will and
choice or option D as Mysteries that are
Beyond human
understanding third question third and
final question what role does awareness
of death play in shaping Your Life
Choices number one it it motivates me to
to live a meaningful and fulfilling life
B it causes anxiety and fear impacting
my decisions negatively
negatively C it has little to no
influence on my life choices or D it
encourages me to prioritize important
relationships and
experiences those are the three
questions everybody there's no right and
wrong just answer the best your ability
and then we'll repeat it um
with Rabbi
fredman and we'll go over and then we'll
go into the live questions and again
anybody wants to ask Live question
please ask text par is here is here to
really discuss any question you have and
hopefully we get a lot of clarity
tonight a lot of
okay give you five more
seconds will read the polls and then we
could you know give you hor on it here
we go let me end it and share with
everybody
here we go first question what do you
believe is the primary purpose in this
world so you have like a pretty much a
three-way split over here 41% of people
to appear for the world to come 30% to
work out our character traits 27%
helping others to contribute to society
and only 2% of the people really don't
think about it so what's your uh take on
that first
question okay to prepare for the world
to come
is the
closest answer to the uh to the truth
it's not to prepare for the world to
come like that's a reward we create the
world to
come the world to come means how this
world will be after mssiah
comes it's not be being in going to
heaven when you pass away because all
those Souls will come back into their
bodies after mashiah comes so the world
to come is really this world as it will
be when mashiah comes and what will make
it as great and as holy as it will be
all the Mitzvah that we have planted
like seeds in this
world so that the result will be the the
the completion of our
efforts we make the world to come
that's
meaningful preparing for a different
world by see we work so hard to make
this world
better and in the end it's not even
about this world we're going to go
someplace
else we're not going someplace else we
are preparing the world that we are
going to be in that it should be not
only perfect for humans but it should be
perfect for Hashem
that's called making Hashem a Dwelling
Place in the lower
world and that is definitely the primary
purpose of
Mitzvah let's go to the second question
how do you perceive conflicts and
hardships life like what's the purpose
of all this shite that we go through so
24% of people feel it's test Fromm to
strengthen
our 61% R freen say as opportunities for
personal growth and self-improvement all
the
things we go through is to better
ourselves 6% of people say as
consequences of human Free Will and
choice and 9% of people say as Mysteries
that are Beyond human understanding so
most most people here believe it's
opportunities for personal growth and
self-improvement the reason why we have
all these fights and conflicts and
hardships in life is for self-growth and
to better ourselves what's your take on
that well they're they're all correct up
to a
point yes if if we if we struggle we get
stronger we become better
uh pain does make you more sensitive all
of these things are
true and it does strengthen our faith if
we pass the
test but there's got to be something
more than
that it can't be that God creates
cruelty just to see how we're going
to that's that's a horrible
thought God makes you suffer so that
you'll be better there's no other way to
do this
it must be that the suffering itself is
asking to be
repaired the world we're in is the
lowest world of all
creation not because we make make it
bad it is a world of death it's a world
of Cruelty animals eat each other nature
is cruel
and we have to change
that in order to change that you have to
get your hands dirty if you're not going
to experience the pain then you can't
fix it so very often the pain is there
for you to fix it to undo it just like
the atahar is there for you to fix
it not to give into it but to fix it to
make it holy too
so when we put up with pain
correctly instead of the pain destroying
us the pain becomes part of our AAS
Hashem and the pain becomes holy until
it has served its purpose and it can
stop existing after Messiah comes there
will be no
pain yeah let's go to the last poll and
then somebody has a question
specifically on this question number two
so let's do the third poll and then
we'll get into live questions number
three what role does awareness of death
play in shaping Our Life Choices 64% of
64% of people say here it motivates me
to live a meanful and fulfilling life if
I know that I'm going to die one day so
it gives me theic to live if I knew I'm
never going to die I wouldn't be
meaningful it wouldn't be
fulfilled 9% of people says it causes me
anxiety and fear impacting my decisions
negatively 4% say it has little to no
influence on my life choices 23% of
people say it encourages me to
prioritize important relationships and
experiences what's your take on
that for for a very very long
time death was the ultimate
motivator almost everything human beings
did was because they didn't want to
die you invent a plow because you don't
want to die you invent a wheel because
you don't want to die you you discover
new foods because you don't want to die
everything what is the expression need
was
the mother of all
invention yeah so because every day we
make money so we don't die yes yes we
build a house you know all of that was
because you don't want to die well that
isn't working anymore and it
shouldn't we shouldn't appreciate life
only because we hate the thought of of
death life is much more meaningful than
that we should appreciate life because
life is an opportunity to serve
necessity is the mother of invention
right
right but that's not happening
anymore there's something shifting in
the
world you say to people don't do
dangerous things don't don't don't mess
with drugs why not well it could kill
you and and they don't see the point
yeah so what are you
saying there's a new attitude towards
life it can't be that we live because we
don't want to
die that's not real
living that's that's
surviving we have to find much more
meaning in life so that death doesn't
become the motivator
we don't have to be scared into living
which doesn't make any sense
anyway yes knowing that we only have a
few years of this precious thing called
life motivates you to and get as much
living as you can but not because you're
going to die but because life is so rich
the ability to serve the Creator and
prepare the world for
him and that's why eventually death will
also
cease it served its purpose whatever
that purpose is we don't need it anymore
now we can live for
real life is not an avoidance of
death okay RAB Freeman there's a lot of
questions and everybody is encouraged to
ask to be part of it here I'm gonna
onute the first
one get on yep hi yeah hi thank you for
taking my question sure
um I I realized lately that I'm in a
very angry um place my life is very
painful and it's very possible that you
already answered this question but I I
whenever I just hear different words
having to do with God or anything
related to
understanding life I just shut down so
maybe if I ask it personally I'll I'll
get some
clarity um how do I see that he's a
caring God when everything is just so
difficult and why would I care to serve
him just so that he feels good while I
feel
bad that's very very good question so
first of
all you got to do something to take the
pain away not just tolerate it and put
up with it
so hopefully you're finding some
ways of
uh of solving these issues and you're
not you're not giving in
and gonna just live with
it but the question itself is still a
good question why pain at all why
suffering at
all so there are two things we need to
know I think I mentioned this
before when God created the world with
all of its
ugliness a world of pain a world of
death a world of grief a world of
sin this is the lowest
world but the potential that this world
has is greater and higher and more Godly
than
heaven we can have more godliness on
Earth than the angels will ever have in
heaven
but in order for that to happen this
very low world needs to be
repaired the
S we're here to fix the
world now this
condition as painful as it is for us
it's even more painful for for for
Hashem because he sees the end
result and has to wait for us to catch
up and in the
meantime the pain hurts him more than it
hurts
us like the gamar says three things God
regrets creating every single
day one of them is Gus in
theara he regrets cre
it so the question is well if you regret
it then stop
it but he doesn't stop it because
stopping it means canceling the
world that can't be the world has to
become holy and it will become holy and
it is becoming holy every day that you
continue to serve him even though
there's
pain and the pain becomes part of the
tick so it's
not it's not that God is testing you
it's like sending a soldier into war
that's not to test the
soldier the soldier goes to war to
remove the danger or the threat to his
country and that can be
painful and and risky
but it's not there just to see how he'll
handle
it it's not there to make him into a
bigger
mench it's there to protect the CI the
citizens of the
country
so it it helps a lot to know that there
are things that God regrets about his
world and the pain for him is
couldn't we have done our job a little
quicker so that this would be over by
now and of course we complain to
him couldn't you make it a little easier
so that the job would be over by
now but the point is it's not that God
has abandoned you to your
pain you're going through it together
because this painful
stuff has to become elevated
purified uh
redeemed until it becomes part of the
Holiness so maybe this will help you a
little bit we read on yam Kipper the sto
the the the story about the 10
Martyrs the
the the Angels Came and cried to God
this is
terrible this is
horrible and what does Hashem
say and we read it an
Kipper Hashem says be quiet or I'll turn
the world back to
Mush now that is a strange thing for God
to say and and why in the world would we
re read it on yum
Kipper the only only possible
explanation
is the Angel comes and
says this is
horrible it's so painful to watch what's
going
on and God says be
quiet you don't know what pain means
you're an angel you're a Mal thank you
very much for crying over my
children but they're my children you're
telling me how painful it is
so then the angel might ask well if it's
so painful even for you stop
it God says stop it that means turning
the world back into
mush can't do that the world has to
become
Godly so we're in this fight
together and we can debate who it hurts
more
and who has invested more in it and who
is sacrificing more for this plan to
work all the beautiful okay let's go to
the next Live
question hi Freedman thank you for being
with us again so my question is more of
a general question on the whole topic of
the show life conflict death purpose
meaning
um my question is it's very beautiful um
especially a lot of the time I hear a
lot of nice philosophical answers or
deep answers to deep questions questions
such as why do bad things happen to good
people what happens in the next World
amuna questions um purp our purpose here
you know and they're very beautiful and
nice but at the same time my question is
since these things can there's no
evidence that this is the answer there
is no proof that this is the answer
there's no way it just it just makes
sense and it's satisfying but the reason
people are going for it is because they
heard something and it satisfies them
can that be considered full
satisfaction the fact that there is
nothing to fully back it up it's a
theoretical question I'm asking like I I
enjoy it it's very motivating or is
there something more needed to get
purpose and I'll just give an
example you know if someone wanted to be
a skeptic lead to right the on say
everyone says your purpose here you want
to know what your purpose in life is
look at what's your biggest challenge
that's that's what that's what you're
here for that's why Hashem gave you that
challenge to work with it and that's
going to be your tiin um that's very
nice and that's beautiful at the the
same
time someone may say you know a bunch of
rabbis wanted to make their religion
look the best so they wanted their
people to work on what's hardest for
them which the rest of the world won't
do and they gave such an answer to
motivate them and it feels good like my
question overall is with all these
things that no one could see what's in
the next world no one knows if this is
no one could there's no right in the
scientific method there there's you have
to have evidence or you have to have
since it's something that can't be
tangible or seen like you kind of
mentioned your
introductory how does it not take away
from true
satisfaction of that answer even though
it is truly
true thanks for asking
that
um can you capsulate that question
because I'm missing the the for the
question the own for the question is it
sounds it sounds nice I me I could
reward it it sounds nice God is with you
God is suffering also it all has to be
elevated all has to be how do you know
that's even
true fine it makes me feel good but can
I really trust it as as a
fact which is a very good
question because Torah should be as real
as any fact maybe more real
so the truth of the matter is if you
want evidence if you want to know
whether something is real look at what's
been going on for all of history rather
than in one particular period or the
present
time the purpose of life is more real
than than than the stones and trees that
we that we can touch and
see why because for all all of history
people have been talking about the
purpose of life it never gets old it
never stops it it NE we don't find good
answers and we keep on asking there's
something very real about
it it's not a
theory and the answer to that question
is not going to be satisfying if the
answer is not as real as the need
you know people say that when you're
desperate you'll you'll
uh you you'll use anything as a
crutch that's so not
true it's precisely when you're
desperate that you will be very careful
what you lean on either it supports you
or it
doesn't you need support you're not
going to lean on a on on a on a leaf
you're going to lean on something
stronger than your
leg otherwise you'll give it up and go
look for something else so there is this
reality within us we really are created
as purposeful creatures we are not
content until we find that
purpose and we will know when we find
that purpose in the same way that we
feel the absence of that purpose so it's
not all theoretical
we have uh what do you call
um we have a a sense of
Truth we have a a a radar for EMS and
when we hear EMS we know it's EMS more
EMS than all of our problems which are
very
real and that's why it satisfies it
lifts the burden because it's stronger
than the burden does that make sense
yeah yeah it's like intuition if I'm
understanding it's another
sense yeah yeah yeah you can't give a
true question a false answer and get
away with it doesn't it
work thank you so
much let's go to the next Live question
hold on
hi hi thanks so
much so you're saying that the
Torah could help me understand like what
my specific purpose here is in this
world how am I supposed to go about
searching what that purpose is
because the Torah is so vast and bit
like there's so much to it so how can I
search to find
my specific purpose that will help me
wake up in the
morning so the previous uh the previous
uh
caller said something about the hardest
thing the thing that gives you the the
the the most resistance that's your
purpose that's your
tick tick doesn't mean fix
yourself tikon means fix the world so
that it becom becomes a dwelling place
for
Hashem in the process if you need fixing
that gets fixed
too so to
say look at what is hardest for you and
that will tell you that that's why
you're
here it's not it's not the best
indicator we're all here to make the
world more Godly the way to make the
world more God God is through the
Mitzvah but are we all doing exactly the
same thing replicating it 14 million
times or 8 billion
times no every individual is
different different from all other
people for all of history there has
never been a person like you
never in the these circumstances with
your parents in these times in this
world with your talents with your
limitations there's never been a person
like
you so when you bench li no one has ever
bench Li the way you
do so all Jewish women bench but they're
not doing the same
thing because everyone is fixing some
other detail in the world one person
lights chabas candles even
though she
really needs to continue working and not
keep chabas at
all and for her lighting chabas candles
is an exercise
in obedience in m
nees for another woman lighting chabas
candles the best moment of her week
finally she gets to rest she's going to
be able to relax for her it's
so it's a whole different
experience every person has a little
difference which makes a huge difference
for the world so how do you know which
particular Mitzvah you are particularly
meant to do where should you put your
main effort where should you put your
main devotion maybe the answer is not
the most hard
but the most
successful where do you find the most
success what are your real biggest
talents they are given to you to use
them to serve Hashem
properly where do you find the greatest
satisfaction it doesn't have to be da
the one that makes you the biggest makes
you the most miserable or gives you the
hardest
time so we all have our Mitzvah we don't
have to look for trouble we don't have
to look for
difficulties use your talents use your
knowledge use your head and every day
figure out a way to serve God a little
better beautiful okay there's so many
questions people really want Clarity R
Freeman okay let's go to the next Live
question I'll mute hi I just muted them
sorry I'll mute again hi hi thank you
roodman and thank you Mr pis um so my
question is ever since I was a little
girl I was always approached with the
question right what's the point of
hasas um because at the end of the day
hashm does have a plan for us and I feel
like as much hasas that we
do of course Hashem has opport has any
thought about changing it he'll change
it um but I think as humans like we have
a mindset of if we have a goal then we
go for it
and sometimes when we do hisas that goal
is not
met um and again it's not meant for us
right that's what Robert Freedom was
saying before it's not necessarily meant
for us but
um I want to know
that that hisus is being taken into
consideration I guess that it really
matters so what would you consider proof
that your hus
worked the only the goal is
me right and the goal is
mashia as long as mashiah isn't here all
har All Our hisas has not yet
worked that's why we want to try a
little harder
and make the world
perfect and fulfill God's
plan but why if the if the plan is to
fix the
world why doesn't God just do it himself
sure he can do a better job than we
can so he tells us
lak why doesn't he do
it anytime he wants
that's because then it's
not of course he can make it holy but
then it's his Holiness not the Holiness
of the
world that's why he gave us B because he
wants it to be our
Mitzvah or you can take me up let me
give you a good
example the reason that we must have
is not so that we can choose whatever
pair of shoes we want to
buy that's
not to choose the house you want to live
in that's
not that's
all what is
real real means how you respond to
him so let's say for example Hashem
wants you to love him
if you were to
ask why doesn't he just make us love
him why doesn't he create us loving
him because then it wouldn't be our
love it would be his love
he would be loving
himself but he wants our
love for that he has to give
us everything else we don't need let him
choose which house we live
in let him choose which shoes we
buy the only area where we must have
is in this partnership in this marriage
with
Hashem you can't make your husband love
you because then you're loving
yourself he can't make you love him
because then he's loving himself so if
he demands love he'll never get what he
wants because it'll never be your
love so that's why Hashem has to be
patient he has to allow free choice he
has to wait for us to get around to it
on our
own and he's absolutely confident that
we
will so what is
hisus isus means not so much uh isus in
making a living estad and going to a
doctor when you need to be cured or even
estad in a
in the end the is B and whether you're
healthy or not is B and whether you're
rich or not is
Basher the only thing that is not
Basher is will you love him will you
choose him will you serve him or will
you be busy with
yourself that his is absolutely
awesome and and that's why every little
effort makes such a huge
difference because it's really
your and here he needs it to come from
you or it's not a real
relationship and that's why the BM said
anytime a person even gives
a because of difficulties that to Hashem
is TR
you're immediately forgiven in hashem's
eyes because you're struggling in the
mission that he gave you and and he
loves you for
it and that's why the BM said that Sim
is the highest form of a
hasem Sim means I'm glad to be part of
this plan with all of its pains and
appointments but I'm glad
sh that is such
a precious thing to
Hashem so we don't need death to
threaten us into
living we just need to know how valuable
and how important this is to him and
then we do it with pleasure
beautiful let's go to the next Live
question you're
on so much um my question is in order
for me to serve Hashem I have needs
there are things I
need um it could be physical could be
emotional
psychological um Hashem wants me to have
have these things in order for me to do
the
mitas so is it my need is it his need
even for me to be part of the show there
are certain things I need I'm glad to be
here but I wouldn't be able to if I
wouldn't have certain things certain
needs met yes yes you're very right see
but that's what we mean that Hashem
never asks for something that is too
hard for
you there are two things going on what
Hashem really needs is for you to be by
his side serving him
like a
marriage in order for that to happen he
has to give you the
um the
opportunities the
ability to actually do that so here's
our deal with
Hashem you give me what I need I'm busy
doing what you
need that's that's our country ract with
Hashem and that's why we have and we
have we're going to have everything will
be
good but we're really busy and devoted
to serving him and doing what he needs
from us trusting that he will provide
the
opportunity and it makes sense
also if you want me to serve you well
then take off the hand the handcuffs
and if there is a place where I really
cannot serve you then obviously those
Mitzvah that I can't do are not required
of
me if you're an
is if you cannot fast on Kipper then
then then
don't he's not asking that of you
because if he really wanted it from you
he would make it possible
so yeah it's it's it's a
deal so what are the rewards that the
Toyota
promises if we do Mitzvah and serve
Hashem properly what are the rewards the
rain will come in time and you'll have
food for yourself and your animal this
is a
reward no this is what enables us to do
the
Mitzvah because if you don't have the
rain and you don't have what to eat then
then it it distracts you from the
Mitzvah the beauty of the Jewish people
is we don't
wait we don't wait until we have
everything we need we're busy doing for
him what he needs from us and we trust
that he will give us everything we need
because after
all if you hire me to work in your
company of course you're going to give
me an office with a desk that's not part
of my Sal is that part of the
reward down to trust that's just good
working
conditions what did you say it boils
down to
trust no it boils down to not being
dependent we will do the Mitzvah even
under impossible
circumstances because for most of our
history the circumstances have been
impossible so Hashem is very very
touched and very proud of how well we
serve
him and he will
provide he always does in the
end but we don't wait we don't wait not
conditional on him doing he'll do what
he has to do to give us there it's not
like you give me first and then I'll
right you know yeah yep y thank
you I think everybody's listening and it
sounds amazing but at the end of the day
people are sitting and whether it's AA
or Panos and it's so hard for
them you know logically they hear what
you're
saying you know yeah but we can't and we
won't give in these problems we won't
give up life we won't give
up so it's very helpful to talk about
these things even if it doesn't take
away the
problem but problems can be
overcome problems can be
transcended we have the ability to be a
mench even when circumstances make it
hard otherwise we wouldn't be here
anymore we would have given up a long
time
ago so to say yeah yeah but I have a
problem we all have problems
those problems are part of the tikon
that we have to be
fixing so instead of seeing it as a
discouraging thing it's just a job
description if your job is to wash
dishes then dirty dishes don't
discourage
you so if your job is I'm G give you a
very painful
example there's a mother whose child neb
took his
life he was 17 years old and and the
mother mother was wailing about the the
the the tragedy of the
meaningless life a waste of
life so I sat down with her and I said
you know you're not you're not giving
your son enough
credit nobody kills himself
overnight people who suffer from
Suicidal Tendencies suffer for
years until they can't
anymore every day every day of all of
those years that your son did
not commit suicide was a victory for
Hashem a victory for Holiness a victory
for goodness and it made the entire
phenomenon of suicidal thinking and
suicidal
uh
desperation much weaker for everyone in
the
world because in the end suicide is an
illness it's an evil it's a Darkness
it's an
unholiness every day that he said no and
did not do it made that particular evil
weaker that's called tikon
you take kak out of the ugliness out of
the
darkness so that it weakens and people
all over the world find it easier to say
no when they have a
suicidal uh
ideation so he fought many battles and
won many battles he didn't win the
war but to describe that as a waste of a
life God forbid
every time we say no to a problem every
time we say no to despair to yush every
time we say no to
discouragement we win a
battle that's exactly what we're
supposed to be doing to these Unholy
feelings or Unholy
pains we're supposed to say you can't
stop me because the MS is stronger
because good is stronger than
bad so it's not an
obstacle it's the job
description if God is putting this on
your plate it means that this is what
you need to fix for the whole
world so every time a person is tempted
to steal for example and he
resists the whole y for stealing becomes
weaker in the whole world
so in some way it is easier for people
who are attempted to steal all over the
world to say
no and slowly slowly all these yatah
haras all these Temptations will be
reduced to
nothingness and the world will
be God's main dwelling
place I have a question so my question
question is when you see now in the
world so much unholiness when you see so
much crime so much horrible what's going
on the world with people you see the way
they're treating AR Isel you see the way
the hatred is coming out from all sides
you see pure evil from all sides so our
job is Tak our job is to make hashem's
Dwelling Place beautiful and amazing but
when you see it seems like the world is
going really down a very to you know
like the time of like you know D stuff
like that you know it just seems like
that the even with all the other you
know the gay stuff and all that stuff
just seems so strong at this point like
what what is it for are you saying that
every time we do something proper even
though everything is negative that's
being M and that even though it's going
against the
tide yes and we and we you know there's
obviously no option but to go against
the tide When the tide is so
crazy and I think that that's the right
word to
use I don't think the world is more evil
than than 50 years
ago but it is definitely more
crazy so the problem is not how bad
people is the problem is how uninformed
how ignorant people
are they weren't taught anything about
God the average teenager in the street
has no idea what you mean by Ten
Commandments they don't know what that
means is that part of the
Constitution is that the uh the Bill of
Rights they have no idea what Ten
Commandments
are they don't even know the
movie so how can you blame them the
problem now is not so much what is it's
what's
not what's lacking there's no knowledge
there's no lesson there's no mus there's
no there's no
Hasa it's it's a bigus on this
world and question is how will they ever
get out of
this even chuva doesn't help for
stupidity can't you can't do Chua for
being
insane so really what needs to happen is
all these people need to be
educated because they're living in a
total moral
vacuum it's not that they're bad they
don't know what bad
means they don't know what good means
they just know the news whatever the
thing feed them whether it's the
Instagram or the or the or the news or
CNN it becomes like like like this is
the way it is you know I mean like very
programmable that is so sad and so
dangerous so we really need to educate
like the G says it's not the
mouse that you blame for the for the for
the L cheese it's the hole in the house
that lets them in close up the
hole the problem is not that people are
bad the problem is that there's a huge
hole a gaping hole in their
education even if you're the president
of a of a Ivy League school you've
you've learned nothing you have no idea
up and down right and wrong light and
dark you have no idea because nothing in
your education taught you anything you
need to
know so don't blame the
people blame the
vacuum fill in the blank spaces and
people will you
know if you if you stop the
individual who was marching in a
pro uh
Palestinian protest stop them and take
them aside and talk to them oneon-one in
five minutes you change their
mind CU they don't even know what
they're
protesting there's a video there videos
of they they they took the teenage
college students and they asked them
what it means River sea what they
talking about they have no idea the
yeah so of course there is a very evil
group of people who are malicious who
want to to control the world who want to
to cause all sorts of
chaos but they're a tiny
minority and they have to be eliminated
Hamas has to go that's
true but the rest of the world simply
needs to know more about about Hashem
that's why the ram says when mashiah
comes what's going to be the great
result the world will be filled with the
knowledge of Hashem
like water fills the
ocean that's what's
missing we're also going to say in the
daving why doesn't every created being
know who created
it it's a crazy
situation it's not not
normal like the guy on the road who
never recognized or admitted that he was
created so I think if we Teach the World
to
say whatever it is good news bad news
whatever is going on it's not
me I did not create
myself I'm designed for a divine Purpose
By A Divine Creator who has a divine
plan to make the world
Divine it lightens your load it's so
much easier to
breathe you feel
liberated like like a soldier who knows
that the whole Army is behind him and
that the president is behind him really
behind
him doing everything he can to help him
succeed in his
mission fre let's go to the next Live
question
okay okay hi how are you thank you hi
Rabbi Freedman thank you um recently
this week I was hearing another one of
your lectures and you were saying that
up until recently we've been waiting for
mashiah and now you mentioned the idea
that mashiah is really now waiting for
us can you explain that further for
us yeah so we've been talking about it
this evening we don't just wait for
mashiach we do what it takes to bring
mashiach whatever those conditions are
like you know the tilting Point have we
reached that point where we can tilt the
scales and favor of the world so that
mashiah can come and and finish the
job but mashiach can't come if people
are not willing to hear if people are
not going to listen see he's going to
come and and and and start all sorts of
new
controversies the world has to be ready
for
mashiah doesn't mean we have to be
perfect but we have to be open to the
fact that we need leadership we need
a and we are willing to listen to this
m then mashia can come
but he's going to come and people will
say he is mashiach and some people say
he's not mashiach we don't need
this so we have to do what it takes to
make the world receptive to what mhia
will
teach and the world is far more
receptive today than any time
in in history certainly
in in recent
history everyone admits they don't have
answers no no one thinks that their
president is going to be the the Savior
and the solution to all our problems in
fact people who believed in whatever it
is no longer believe in whatever it is
people don't believe that science will
solve all our
problems people don't believe polit
politics will solve our problems people
don't believe medicine is going to solve
our
problems people don't believe in
anything anymore because in the last
five years everything
collapsed communism is long gone
democracy is not working so well
secularism in Israel has been a disaster
even religion in Israel has been a
disaster what's
left only the abish himself his plan his
relationship with us and our response to
him is the world ready for mashiah
I don't know exact numbers but I would
say
80% which is much better than ever in
history 80% of the world is
ready the rest just haven't heard don't
understand don't
know so we need teachers we
need we need people who can Enlighten
the masses so that they do know and once
they know they will do the right
thing very optimistic about the
world when you say 80% is ready do you
mean that they gave up or they realize
that we need it they realize they need
it and they're ready to hear it from the
Jewish
people you know the N that the that the
nations of the world will come to the to
the Jews say
B it is
happening half of my viewers or
listeners are not Jewish and all they
want to know is what does the Torah say
and what should they
do it's it's the Nava is coming true in
front of our
eyes from Asia from Africa from from
from the right wing to the left wing
they're all
saying we need to know what Torah says
for us to do because we don't
know we are
fablet going back to what you said
before about T I think there's
a there needs to be a mind shift for
most people for the people that are
struggling for have people that have
very hard
time um in in life things are not
working out and that connection with
Hashem how they relate to Hashem while
they're going through whatever they're
going through and what you're saying
makes a lot of sense but it does take a
lot of work they probably are not
talking to or they're angry and they
want they want everything to stop they
don't have K anymore there's so much
going on
and they know I think there has to be
like a to understand what should the
relationship be how should they connect
to Hashem how should they talk to Hashem
from a better place so that they can
feel at the end of the day oh okay fine
slowly I'm getting there yeah so I think
the the good word for this thing is get
above your
problem be bigger than your
problem but there's a very cute
expression don't tell God how big your
problems are tell your problems how big
God
is in other
words you can't
be a slave to your
problem because then your problem
becomes your king and your God and your
master people think and and and we're
actually encouraged to think this way
you're alive you must be alive you must
have what you need to live then you can
think about the
abish then you've lost the
game then you're victimized then you're
paralyzed and and you're going to
struggle a
lot the truth
is the abish that created the world the
abish that gave you life for a very
important purpose and if you pursue that
purpose then you are fulfilling your
life you have a satisfying life with the
pain so what is your default position
what is your starting point do you start
with I have a bunch of needs what should
I
do or do you start with I'm here to
serve
Hashem what's your start stting
Point serving Hashem is not something
you do in your spare
time you don't ask Hashem to wait until
you solve your problems and then you'll
do him a favor and perform a
Mitzvah your starting point
is my day begins
with if things happen that get in the
way or make it hard for me I'm busy I am
not going to stop what I was created to
do because of any
problem and strangely enough the problem
goes
away let Hashem really take care of your
needs while you're busy taking care of
his needs and it works that's how we
have survived much bigger problems than
what we have
today because we didn't let the problem
become our
King we have one king and my pain and my
problems my financials my health will
not become a king in my
life and it goes away it gets better
that's part of the deal
do for me while I do for
you but you don't
wait because doing what you were created
to do is much more important than
solving your
problems okay Freedman let's go to some
more live questions is that okay
sure okay you're on
next hi
hi hear me yep okay I have a question um
I think we're alled to be hearing that
have like a very
important halfth
and um I think I can definitely
understand that question is what if we
feel like uh is is like bringing out the
worst enough despite everything we
try and I mean let's say then we learn
also
that everyone has the C
to um overcome all the necess that he
has which only add to the resentment
when you feel like you're not overcoming
because you're supposed to be overcoming
you have the overcome and you feel like
going sign is only making you all
stumble yeah I guess we have to we have
to point out that most people who say
I can't how do I overcome they are
overcoming they're living every day and
they're doing mites and they're taking
care of their family they want to do it
better they want to do it with without
pain of course of course but to say
they're failing they're not
failing it's amazing how much good these
people do who say I can't I can't I
can't and yet they
do and that's no small thing
but but here's the
problem it's not so much how much pain
you're
feeling it's how much importance and
significance do you put on that
pain we get discouraged not by what
happens but what we think about it for
example a person who says nothing good
ever happens for
me the problem is not the bad things
that happen the problem is you've
decided that no good thing is going to
happen to
you that's what's
discouraging if you really believe no
good thing is going to happen boy is
that
discouraging but no matter how many bad
things have
happened if you don't come to that
conclusion that you know that victim
mentality then then you are bigger than
your problem and you persevere and you
overcome so what we're saying is not
that the pain isn't real or that it's
not
painful but do you have to honor the
pain you have to give it all the
credit like it'll never go away it's too
strong it's too big it's too
powerful you're more powerful
and the proof is you're still
going but you give it too much attention
you give it too much pain I'm gonna give
you a very good
example I have a back
ache I picked up something and I I
I I hurt my back so I went for this
therapy the therapy is not the
Chiropractic the therapy is you're
thinking too much about that one muscle
that
hurts the solution is to become aware of
all the other muscles that don't
hurt it's like when one leg hurts you
favor that
leg and you forget about the healthy
one right but what if you feel as a
person about thinking about the pain you
just
you're just let's say becoming bitter
without it or resentful or having a
harder time concentrating when you're
ding in because you feel angry yeah or
distract or you just feel distracted or
unfocused yeah and what could be the
good that that came out of such an
assign no so what I'm saying is the
reason you become bitter it could be
that you're suffering exactly the same
pain as the person sitting next to you
and the P person sitting next to you is
not bitter
so what causes the bitterness or the the
uh the loss of
confidence the the the pessimism where
does that come
from from the
pain not necessarily it comes from
the
impression on your mind that the pain is
making man let's go a little deeper
maybe clarify it saying two people can
go through let's say the same the it
could be a very painful use any example
child
of a death and one person will come over
it another person will it'll bring them
down so you're saying it's not the pain
because it would be the pain everybody
would be right everybody would some
let's let's say a death of a child which
is thing then everybody will be and
never never be able to move on and be
suicidal but there are people that are
able to to pick themselves up but some
people that it's stronger so it's not
the the the thing it's how they how they
reflecting on it or how they viewing it
let explain that yes yes so something
bad happens God forbid does that give
you the impression that from now on life
is
downhill if you get that impression no I
definitely don't feel that way huh
definitely that's I'm usually very
positive yeah it's from the
discouragement when it seems hard yes
let me let me give you a very very
emotional very very powerful little
incident you mentioned losing a child
God
forid I went to speak in
Mexico and they tell me that uh they
pick me up at the airport and they tell
me that they're going to drive me to the
hotel but there's a young couple waiting
for me at the hotel who just had a
terrible tragedy and they want to talk
to me they don't want to talk to any
everybody else they're they know they're
they're tired they're exhausted they've
spoken to everybody they've tried
everything they've heard all the
explanations and they they can't they
can't
function he used to be the life of the
Sho he would put on Fillin he would come
to Davin he kept
chabas since the
tragedy he doesn't put on fil he doesn't
keep shabas he doesn't want to talk to
anybody in fact he wants to leave the
community Al
together what was the
tragedy we shouldn't know from it a
six-year-old little girl had suffered an
aneurysm very sudden and and it was it
was minutes and she was
gone they weren't home when it
happened the parents were not
home they are so angry the husband is so
angry had
God it it was so it was so emotional so
painful he says you know why I'm so
angry at God because I love him and he
stabbed me in the
back I asked I asked him a strange
question I said has your daughter
visited you yet
he says yes
twice what did she
say she didn't say anything she just
smiled I said why did she have to come
twice it's not easy for a Nisha to
come he says I I don't
know I said she's telling you two things
she could be happy but you're not
letting
her she's six years
old a six-year-old needs a
father a father who encourages a father
who is proud a father who who who boasts
about his
daughter why did you stop being her
father you stopped being her
father you became a professional
full-time
griver this is what your daughter
needs how can you stop being a father to
your
six-year-old the whole conversation took
about 25
minutes and he
said should I put on the fill in here or
should I wait till I get
home it's it's such
a once once you realize
it of course the pain is
overwhelming so you abandon your
child you forgot about your
child we got to be on top of the pain
not under the
pain we're bigger than
it there are more important things than
the
pain what are you going to sit there and
cry by your daughter's grave this is
what she needs from
you to make her feel like she destroyed
your
life you're putting that on a
six-year-old
the
change the sudden relief and release and
it was so dramatic literally 25 minute
conversation a very similar story a
woman who lost her 19-year-old son car
accident
also the same thing went into
shock wouldn't listen to anybody stopped
every activity didn't leave her
apartment in over six
months but they convinced her to talk to
me so I went up to to see
her there
there she was not among the
living she was literally not among the
living there was no sign of life in
her she described her
son the best boy in the world such a
mench so D and Adel and every Mile in
the the greatest of the
great so when she
finishes I said wow that's amazing you
had such an incredible boy for 19
years she she didn't
respond so I said you know the shock is
so
terrible there was no
warning all of a sudden your son is gone
the shock is
terrible but if there had been no
shock if God came to you and said
there's a Nisha that needs to come down
into this world for 19 years an
incredible
Nish and God asks you would you please
be the mother of this boy for his 19
years what would you have
said I was sure she would say
yes she
says absolutely not
if I was asked I would say absolutely
not so without thinking I said well then
it's a good thing God didn't ask
you the flood of Tears opened
up she had herself a good
cry and in front of my eyes she came
back to life she came back to life
her voice changed the skin tone her eyes
came
alive what happened
here the same
thing she's grieving the loss of her son
she can't get over the fact she can't
get over the fact that her her her the
love of her
life was
gone so I asked
her if if you had known that this would
be the
end you would have said no to your
son when she
answered that she would say absolutely
not she shocked
herself what did I just
say I wish I didn't have
him how does a mother talk like
that she became a mother she got her
mother her feelings back she wasn't a
mother she was
a a
mourner as soon as she went back to her
motherly
instincts of course she's grateful to
have a son like that of course the 19
years are
fabulously meaningful and
precious now she's talking like a mother
I just want to I'm getting a lot of text
they're all the same question different
versions we're basically discussing pain
and we're really going to depth how we
view it and turning it inside out that
two people go through the same thing and
it's that mindset of what it is that
makes people go through it versus taking
you over and I just want to read a few
of the questions and then we could just
give more of a global answer because you
can't go to every single person's
problem but like one person they marri
to a very abusive person and they feel
like why would hasem do something like
that to me or I have so much you know
all pain and suffering whether it's
marriage whether it's panasa whether
it's physical health whether it's mental
illness whatever it is let's just try to
Encompass the same thing you're saying
just more General we're focusing mainly
on the death of a child let's just so
when somebody goes through such a thing
where they feel so overwhelmed they feel
like hashm is so mean to them that the
is so impossible so PS you down makes
you depressed and like I hate AEM or I'm
so angry at hm or it's an I can't
what should be the mindset to try to get
out of those
depressive negative feelings because
let's be honest like you just very
clearly said it's not the mat that's
making you depressed mat is a sad mat
but it's it's the mindset the way you're
processing it that's bringing you into
the the depths of depression so how
would you give it more in a global you
mean so another way of saying it
is
mindset your resp responds to the
problems but also you can say don't
become the
problem you have a
problem but don't become it like when
you grieve God forbid don't become a
griver grieve but be yourself don't
change your your your your identity
don't change your
personality remain
yourself so for example you have an
abusive
husband don't don't
become the
victim your husband has a problem and
you don't know how to fix
it but be
yourself don't become don't let your
problem Define who you are yes and don't
start acting like some kind of a
vigilante be yourself it's bad enough
that he is not a husband
don't give up your personality don't
give up your values don't give up your
standards and the the mindset that how
could hasem give me such a hard and why
is AEM being so cruel to me how do you
fix that mindset okay so the question
about the
ab you have to
know being angry at the ab is not a
sin you're entitled to be
angry I said to this girl who was very
angry I said when when Dad did this to
you did he expect you to be angry or he
expected you not to
notice of course he knew you'd be
angry you have let's clar before people
really misunderstand what you're saying
so you got to be angry at hem correct
yes because Hashem did something bad for
you or hurtful or painful knowing that
you would get angry what what are you
not allowed to do Tasha
you don't end your relationship with
him he is your aish he is your father in
Heaven and you're angry at him it
happens that makes the relationship
real so when you talking you sayem I'm
so upset that you did this this to me I
love you so much but you hurt me
personally and it really really hurts
yes
yes and he appreciates
that well if you don't do it that way
you're just not living in reality
because at the end of the day let's live
in reality somebody does something bad
to you right somebody causes you to have
cancer you are going to be upset at the
person the only person you be upset is
hhm because he's the one who gave it to
you exactly right you're not allowed to
be angry at
hem like not it's like it's this famous
question how could the T give you a a
of jealousy if it's a natural
tendency yeah so you fight against
natural tendencies natur but but there's
nothing to fight against being angry at
Hashem is exactly
right who else should you be angry at
you know that he runs the
world it's actually it's actually a sign
of of of
a you really believe in the iish
so who else you going to complain
to have the reverse side this father I
think I mentioned this on a
previous occasion a father calls me from
Edo that his 12-year-old daughter has
gotten it into her head that the Abad is
angry at her and she's
miserable and they tried therapy and and
Kus they tried everything
he puts her on the phone I don't know
who I'm talking to I don't know who he
is his daughter he puts her on the
phone what am I gonna
say so I said to her dber is angry at
you she says
yeah I said I'm so
jealous she says what I said you're 12
years old and you can get the abish the
angry when did you become so
important a 12-year-old can get
the
angry that's that's
awesome it means that the Abad is
watching that the Abad is paying
attention that what you do is important
to him and you did the wrong thing so
now he's angry
what a
compliment when the abish says I'm angry
at you that is such a
compliment when we somebody
writing saying that you're saying that
being angry is a sign of aun because it
means you believe in Hashem but at the
same time being angry is also a lack of
aun because then you don't believe that
hasm controls
everything you do believe it but you're
in pain
you're not saying I don't believe in you
anymore you're saying I'm in
pain that's so honest that's so
real why don't I believe that for the
good well you know I can use a little
help with
that I think I think let me just clarify
maybe maybe what I think you're saying
is that go through something hard you
can't go straight into the it's good
it's all going to be good it's more of
like a saying but it's not it's not in
your heart so you have to let out that
that pain that you have being honest and
then you still have to use that same
pain and say at the end of the day I
know hashm is doing for my good but not
expressing the pain you're not being
real with yourself is that what you're
saying yes and the fact is whoever says
I'm angry at Hashem you know they're
still doing
Mitzvah they're
amazing and and the abish is is very
moved by
this he knows how much it
hurts and when you're hurting you run to
Hashem that that's so
beautiful and for people to come and say
well you need more that is so
cruel it's a terrible thing to
say unless unless you're the you're the
mashia you're the you're the
RO but as a stranger just
say walk it off walk it
off that's
cruel so a person should not feel guilty
for being
angry don't add that to your
problems be angry
angry doesn't mean you're getting
divorced one question
ask yeah I find it hard I still even
though I'm grateful for many things I
still find it hard at times to escape
the feeling that somehow i' got a raw
deal in life some of us either like be
it genetics whatever family illness
poverty
um you know start measuring against
other people yeah measuring or just
even try not to get a on one hand
you don't want to I I don't want to
wallow an anger but there's still that
kind of a bitterness or or just
bewilderment like why why yeah yeah so
that's what we were talking about
before the
why is is so damaging much more than
what
happened
because the worst thing for a human
being is not pain and it's
not
um
disappointment it's
mystery the thought that something can
happen to
me that should never have happened that
is much more damaging than what ever did
happen if you can think if you can even
imagine that something happened to you
that should not have happened to you
that's going to make you
miserable yeah I was one of those by the
way who answered that we don't always
know Mysteries you know why things
happen you know they just
do yeah but you know that it happened
for a reason and that it's not something
that should not have
happened that is the crucial tilting
point because the mind falls
apart when you think something can
happen that
shouldn't then life makes no sense
anymore you can't go on after that
because if this can happen and it
shouldn't then anything can happen for
no reason and then you fall
apart the brain can't handle
that it's not the
pain it's the
senselessness a human being can't handle
senseless if things can happen for no
reason I quit I
quit because you can't deal with no
reason you can't make sense of no reason
[Music]
oura is that it came from Hashem Hashem
did it he had a
reason I don't know what the reason is
that's the mystery but that there's a
reason of course there's a
reason I think what makes it hard is
because excuse me we're Jewish we're
supposed to all be beloved by God you
know then why are we different from
other Jewish families or individuals I
think that's what I find pain more
painful you know yeah but you see you
just asked a very intelligent
question thank you didn't think I was we
are his favorite people why would he
treat me like this that's a logical
question and it's asking for life to
make
sense but when you come to the
conclusion no it just happened for no
reason oh then we're in deep
trouble let's make it even more
clear if
ien believe that something happened to
me that should not have happened it
shouldn't have happened it was a mistake
it was not meant to be and and it
derails me from my life because this
should not have been part of my
life the problem with that is
if it shouldn't have happened then what
made it
happen who made it
happen this is this is bordering on
a if Hashem didn't make it happen who
did you have a good God and a bad
God the Satan made it
happen this borders
Onish so how could something happen if
it wasn't meant
to if Hashem did it then it was meant to
if Hashem didn't do it then how could it
have
happened who else runs the world besides
Hashem so when we say no bad thing ever
happens bad means something that
shouldn't have happened
a thing that shouldn't happen cannot
happen God runs the
world nobody
else do we need to know why Hashem made
it
happen not
necessarily but we need to know that he
made it happen to his favorite
people so there must be a very good
reason there there better be a good
reason knowing that there's a reason is
good enough to keep me
sane I'm still upset but I won't go
crazy if I think that it happened
without reason I I'm going to go
crazy cuz then life is out of control
it's I can't I can't function like
this the brain doesn't allow
senselessness so that's part
of the
amuna the amuna is it's God's fault he
made it happen I can be angry at him
because then I know there's a reason and
I know who to
blame that will keep me
sane I just want to say that doesn't
mean I expect life to be just a walk in
the park but I'm just saying when you're
talking just
yeah me extrem the situation yeah yeah
so so the best question to ask when
something happens that we can't handle
the best question to ask Hashem is what
do you want me to
do it's not business as usual ual I'm
devastated in this Devastation what do
you want me to
do that keeps you
going keeps you from becoming
victim let's to the closing segment now
um wow very powerful share tonight so
first of all coming on tonight giving in
a very important topic and hopefully we
could take it from here there's a lot
more to talk about and hopefully
everybody gets from this and is able to
deal with their pain and suffering has
more of a global
view why we're here tonight share share
196 if anybody wants to join the
WhatsApp chats please WhatsApp me at 732
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different topics and therapist please
join us next week August 4th August 4th
with Joey Haber from who's now in Dale
New Jersey from M and David in New York
um he's an amazing speaker hopefully
we'll have to topic uh wrapped up this
week that should be an amazing share
please join us um if anybody everything
is all recorded m.com if has any
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lwn Central from jcn going to go to the
closing SE segment I'll speak first and
then we'll leave it ra to leave us with
strong words after such a powerful sh um
I just want to say that thank you for
coming on it's I believe that we're
seeing very difficult things in the
world today and people are in a lot of
pain and people feel a lot of suffering
it's also people are very you know I
don't want to use the word self-loathing
but people do get into the pain a lot
and it does bring them down and it's
painful and the Sorrows are a lot and
it's hard you know people ask we we
doing this for years and years me and
coach and the the pain that we've seen
come out on this program and pain that
so many people are in everybody's in
pain some people are stronger than
others it's just it's hard to see so
much pain and to be like you know and be
able to you know give to people and just
tell them that you know have more and
mindset But ultimately you know there's
only really two options the way I see it
is either you could self Lo in it and it
brings you down and it's it's a sad
demise and the other option is you you
you do everything within your power
whether it's
learning coming to coach getting
speaking to a friend going to a
therapist anything and everything that a
person needs or could do that could help
him get out of a mat of of depression or
Yos or hurt
is is a is a person's to do and I feel
that we need to work on that very
strongly and it's something that we
always me personally we always need to
constantly do it and you know for fre we
probably spoken a lot about hm and a lot
about and a lot about a lot of stuff
over the past four and a half years but
it's it doesn't make a difference like
we always need that
recharging of our and strength
especially when you see so so much
difficulty right now going on so I feel
like M tonight here people could have
some clarity and realize that Hashem is
with us and that we have the power to
mind frame ourselves to give ourselves
theic ultimately we all want to get out
of the depression we all want to get out
of our mat we don't have any control
there's nothing that RAB Freeman could
say that's going to answer why you went
through this and why hasem chose you and
why there's so much pain there's no he
doesn't have the answer only hasem knows
the answer but we could reframe our
minds
with to really give ourselves the
strength to go on
they say this by S by the way it's a
good word somebody said what's when give
when you give somebody SED when he's
down in the dumps he can't pay his bills
you give him $1,000 he can pay his
mortgage or you help a person out he
gets because if a person never gets out
of his mat he just gives up and he just
comes into deep depression and it's over
but that little that you gave him that
you helped him or whether it's money or
whether your guy comes to you he's
depressed and you put your hand around
them youo with him you give him the time
of day you see somebody that's lonely
you invite them for suda that one bit of
goodness you give to a person who's down
could pick them up to help them for the
rest of their lives because they could
take it to the next level and then now
that they feel a little better they can
go get the help they can go reach out to
somebody else they could rebuild instead
of being all the way on the bottom so
when you do a for somebody even talking
nice to somebody or being there for
somebody you can give them they pull
themselves out of the the the depths of
depression so that's what I just want to
say and thank you for coming on and cl
everything fre we love when you come on
you you always choose a topic and we go
to the the
depth yeah I want to thank refan like we
heard Ori said every time refan comes on
there is what to think
about we've heard it we have to hear it
again it's something sometimes we
understand it sometimes you have to wait
listen to it again and eventually you
get theic
needed and uh basically just a takeaway
to understand that there is no one else
in this world only you and Hashem like
everybody trying to figure out what's my
purpose so we heard the concept of
purpose you put it down very good but
but how do I know what's my purpose so
we heard your purpose is whatever you do
there's no one else that can do it the
way you do it and every person is is a
you are you and hem the relationship you
and hem the mitz that you
and to focus on the things that you do
good like we heard you know that hasm
has a he gets the an know that you're
doing that Mitzvah you know instead of
going to the things that are so hard
challenge go to the things that you're
doing and live with it and uh feel
it and like we heard most of us already
for mashiah we're not stopping we're not
waiting we're we're continuing to do
what we need to do to bring mashiah and
hopefully the 20% will latch on with the
80% and we'll all be ready and
should frean after two and a half hours
of talking of existence pain and
suffering
demeaning and how to really give
ourselves the proper mindset what do you
want to leave the o
with I had a couple came for marriage
counseling they were happily married
until the week that they came to to see
me what happened all of a sudden he
invested all his Savings in a in a
business
deal and he lost the whole thing he lost
all the money he was never a rich man he
invested
$300,000 and he lost all the
money he was devastated to say to put it
mildly his wife said
It's Only Money it's no big
deal he can't look at her he hates her
she's a monster he wants her out of the
house
immediately and she's
saying what did I
say I gave him good
advice I tried to help him
out what was the issue here
before you tell someone that your
problem is not serious you first have to
feel the
pain she didn't cry with him and then
say It's Only
Money she stood Like a Stranger like an
observer like a
spectator and passed judgment on his
pain you don't have to be so upset it's
just
money you're a
monster when I needed you the most you
walked out on
me moral of the
story before you give someone advice
before you give somebody an answer feel
the
pain and that's why it's hard to do over
the
internet but if you know you're talking
to somebody
individually before you say have have
it's all for the good
don't be the
enemy First share the pain as an Insider
then you get to say something but if
you're standing
away immune to the pain you have no
right to say
anything the Abad does the same the Abad
doesn't say trust me trust me first he
feels your pain he suffers more than you
do now if you know that he's on your
side if you know that he's there with
you then when he tells you to have B you
can hear it you can appreciate it you
can
try but if he's just sitting up there in
heaven telling you to be
cool that that's
horrible so first empathy than
advice okay thank you everybody for
joining tonight thank you for giving us
so much of your time we really
appreciate it and um sh again in the
future we hope to see you again hope see
next week August 4th Sunday night 9:30
p.m. Eastern same time same place R Joey
habber everybody have a wonderful week
Kakak