Even Moses Had Haters… So Why Are You Trying to Please Everyone? Rabbi Tzvi Nightingale

Do you have anyone in your life that uh doesn't like you? >> Do do you have some haters? >> Yeah. Yeah. You have some people like you know there's like certain people that you always rub them the wrong way. Like no matter what you do, they just like it just doesn't click with them and they just you can't do anything right with these people. And so show anyone here have those sort of people toxic people in their life a little bit haters? Anyone? Or let me rephrase that. Is there anybody here who doesn't have someone like that in their life? Anyone here who does? >> Oh man, they all love you. >> Wow. >> So, um, here's the thing. If you think everybody loves you, you're either like a real sadik or you're you're not attuned to what's going on because I shouldn't say that. Okay, you know, there's certain people wonderful, but most of us most of us have those people who just don't like us for whatever reason. and we have difficulty with them. And I got news for you. If you're one of those people, you are in great company because in this week's parasa, we see that Moshe, Moshe, the great Moshe, he suffered from this. He had this because if you look at the para, the first half of the para is very kind of easygoing in a certain sense. It's all it's the continuation of the census of the Jewish people and where they are to be encamped and the levim and what they're supposed to do and it's all very nice and all very orderly and it all works very very well and how they're supposed to travel and encamp etc. Very nice. And then what happens? All hell breaks loose. They start complaining. Jews Jews complain, right? Jews complain here and there. We sometimes complain. we complain. So they start complaining and they complain about the food and they say they're tired of the man. They're tired of this. They don't want it anymore. And so they complain to Moshe. And listen to what Moshe says. Moshe says to Hashem, "Why did you do evil?" Evil. This is This is Moshe talking to God. Why have you done evil to your servant? Referring to himself. Okay. Why have you done evil to me? Why haven't I found favor in your eyes? You know what? Like he's basically saying, Hashem, give me a break. Give me a break. These people, the demands that they want, they want meat. And he goes on to say, where am I supposed to get meat? Where am I supposed to get all this stuff? It's not like we're in South Florida. Just go into uh, you know, by by me. They turn the Wind Dixie. They're turning into aisle 9. It's going to become like a kosher a whole kosher supermarket. Kosher Kingdom. He he didn't have that access to any of that stuff. And how exasperated does he get? If this is what you're going to do to me, this again Moshe speaking to God. If this is what you're going to do to me, kill me. I've had enough. I don't want anymore. Take my life. That's how exasperated Moshe gets with the Jewish people when they complain to him and demand from him this thing that he feels is impossible for him to fulfill. And as we continue on in Bidbar and Safer Bidbar in the in the fourth book, we see Moshe, he had Korak, he had his detractors, he had his haters, he had his enemies. And so think about this for a second. If the great Moshe, Moshe, the greatest Na'vi, the greatest prophet, the greatest individual in the history of mankind, if he can't make everybody happy, and the Torah testifies that he couldn't, he had his haters. He had his people who didn't like him. If Moshe can't do that, where does that leave you and me? There's no way we're going to do it. Moshe couldn't pull that off. There's no way we're going to pull it off. And so if you're walking around thinking, you know, I got to try and make everybody happy, forget it. Give it up. It's a dead end. You'll never be able to make everybody happy because again, Moshe couldn't make everybody happy. Neither can you. And so that's why I say you're in good company. There'll always be the people who for whatever reason they're not going to like you and and that's it. Just accept that. Accept that's half the battle. If you can accept that and again look at the para about Moshe, that fact that he couldn't do that, then that's that's it. Just keep that in mind whenever you're meeting these people who don't like you. Fine. Okay. I can live with that. If Moshe can't make everyone happy, What's how's Hashem supposed to expect me to do that? Simple, right? And I know they all love you, but in case you meet anybody like that, that's the thing to keep in mind. That Moshe couldn't make everyone happy. Neither can you. All right. The other couple other things that we I want to look at in this week's para is well, actually to continue on that, I'm sorry. to continue on on that topic before we move on. So then the question becomes, so you have these people who don't like you. It's very nice to know that I'm in good company with Moshe that he can't make everyone happy. Neither can I. So then pragmatically, how do I deal with them? So like what should I do? You know, they don't like me, they dislike me. So what on a pra practical level on a daily like how do I deal with such people? So there's a few different things. The first thing is based on what we the a prayer that we make we say every morning. Every morning we say this and what do we say? We say there's different versions of it in the Ashkenazi versus the one and says it should be your will of the Lord our God, God of my forefathers. What do we say? You should save me today and every day from people. We ask God these people who give me a hard time in life, we pray that like keep them far away from me. Keep them out of my kind of orbit. Mayra from an evil person from an evil companion from an evil neighbor. And then it goes on to say that whether a person like they want to take me to court, they want like a litigator whether they're Jewish or not. So in terms of like dealing with difficult people in your life, the first thing you got to do, the first thing we do and we do it every morning is we ask Hashem that they shouldn't be in my life. I don't want those people in my life now. Keep them at distance from me. And that that that's what we we pray for that the people who give me a hard time, they shouldn't they shouldn't enter into my life. That's number one. But then the simple re reality is let's face it you're going to run across these people. People like this they're going to come like in Moshe you run across. So what do you do with such people pragmatically? What do you do? So there's a there's a mission and it says as follows in the very first chapter it tells us the rabbi says and it says you should try and keep far from a bad neighbor. That's number one. the Russia and don't connect from the word connect join in don't connect with an evil person and then it has this third phrase which seems to make like no sense seems to be kind of like a nonsequittor and it says you shouldn't give up on the concept of justice a reward and punishment of justice I would suggest the Mishna is suggesting three different levels of dealing with difficult ult people. First one we just said that asked them not to be part of our lives. We don't want to Hashem keep these people out of my life. But the fact of the matter is like we said you're going to get these toxic people. So what do we ask Hashem? So the first thing what's the Mishna saying is to keep your distance. That's similar to what we just said. Just keep your distance from these people. You know when you're driving on I95 and a guy's like weaving in and out like a maniac. You don't race him. You don't try and like teach him a lesson about driving. You just keep your distance. You don't want to get involved with that. Nothing good could come from that. So, you keep your distance. That's number one. But then it says that you shouldn't join with an evil person. You see what's that saying? The fact of the matter is you're going to have these people in your life. You can't disassociate. As much as we pray for it, as much as we make the effort to disassociate with negative people in our lives, with toxic people in our lives, you're not always going to be successful. And so what does it say? It's saying that when you have these people and they might be in your family, they might be by your job, they might be like somewhere, you know, within once again in your orbit. So what should you do? have the minimal amount of connection with them. Minimal amount. You know, you got to be cordial, you got to be nice. You got that family member who really gets under your skin and is always trying to give you a hard time or the person at the work who's doing the same thing, but it's not like you can escape them. The best thing is, yeah, you don't want anything to do with them, but you can't help that. You're with that. You're with that person. So, what should you do? So, you have the minimum amount to be cordial and that's it. And so what's the third statement of the Mishna now saying that you shouldn't give up on the concept of puranut of reward and punishment? Because we've all experienced every one of us, I'm sure, has gone through something where someone did something to us and it just wasn't right. It wasn't nice. It hurt us. They hurt us materially. They hurt us financially. They hurt us emotionally. They did something wrong and they were wrong. and they were wrong. So the final statement is when all is said and done, the Almighty runs the show. God runs the world. That don't give up on the concept. It might not be in this world, maybe the next world, whatever you might see, you might not see it, but know that it it's not missed. Hashem sees everything. Hashem is aware of everything. And if someone's done you an injustice, if someone's ripped you off and they ripped you off, you're not going to get your money back, then yeah, okay, Hashem runs the show. Don't give up on that. So again, the three steps, you pray for it, you keep your distance, you keep you keep it cordial, and if all and after all that, they still have hurt you. So then don't worry about it. The Almighty runs the show ultimately. That's that's what the mission is saying. Let's move on to something more positive. Okay? Because that's so far as like, oh, hey, rabbis like talking about people who hate my guts, you know, like great, you know, that's a downer. So, let's talk about something a little bit more upbeat. And that is getting back to this in this week's para, what happens? So, Moshe says to Shemaha, I I can't run the show alone. I I can't do this by myself. I need some assistance. So what happens? Hashem says, "Fine, I'll give you assistance. I'm going to give you a Sanhedrin. I'll give you a court. There's going to be 70 people, 70 individuals, and they're going to assist you with the Jewish people." And says, Hashem tells to Moshe as there's 70 people Israel from the elders of Israel. And then he says to him, Hashem says to Moshe, you know, you should stand them with you. They there was a whole lottery system of these 70 individuals that they picked that are going to assist them that are going to be part of the the Sanhedrin and the word is the word etsel in Hebrew is like you know by me it's close to me it's next to me so I will kind of like like pull off in a certain sense I will take off some of the ru the spirit which is on you the allehem and I'm going to put it on them I'm going to kind of transfer er this kind of rule, this spirituality from Moshe to these like 70 guys, these 70 elders that will become part of the Sanhedrin that made up the first Sanhedrin that made up the first Supreme Court. Very nice. So it goes on and they go through this thing and there's 70 of them. And then the Torah narrates that there's two of them, Eldad and Maid, who they're kind of prophesying. They keep giving prophecy, keep giving prophecy. And the Mapor in the commentaries talk about what exactly were they prophesying because Yahosua, Mosha's assistant, you know, the king, Mosha's successor eventually. So Yoshua is very very bothered by the fact that these two guys keep prophesying that they keep going on and on and on and on. And it was associated with what exactly were they prophesying? So they complain to he so so Yeshua complains to Moshe and what does Moshe say? He says he basically says to them you know are are you like jealous for me? Like he basically says you're jealous for me it would be fine if all the Jewish people had prophecy like this is no skin off my back. And Rashi tells us how does this work? Why is it like why is Mosha reacting this way? Because Rashi gives the example, he takes it from the Gammorra. It's like when you light candles. You have the candle and you got the flame and you light other candles. When you light those other candles, is anything lost from the original flame? Not at all. Doesn't lose anything. And so he takes it and he lights other ones. And that's what that's what Hashem was telling Moshe because I take from your ru. It's like transferring the flame from one to the next to these 70 elders. And the fact that they have prophecy has nothing to do it it doesn't diminish from Mosha's prophecy. It doesn't diminish from his spirituality. And there's a very very crucial lesson that we got to take out of this. You see, when it comes to material things, there's a limitation. There's only so much, you know, there's only so much food I can eat. There's only so much money I have. There's only so much help I can give a person. There's only so much time I have. There's only so much energy I have that I give to another person. But when it comes to when it comes to spirituality, then it's endless. It's limitless. There's no you know you think of the idea a person when it comes to love. We have seven children. Seven children, nine grandchildren. Thank God. All right. So, it wasn't like I'll and I'll I'll confess here. The seventh kid was was a mistake, okay? Wasn't planning to have that seventh kid, right? It just kind of happened, right? How did it happen? I don't know. It happens, right? And so, what is it? Does anyone look at the Did we say, "Well, you know what? I have enough love for six kids. I don't have love for a seventh kid. I'm done. I'm finished. I'm teetered up. You know, there's no there's no more love in the bank account." That's a That's ridiculous. We didn't say to our kids, "Hey, you know, don't have grandchildren. We We have seven We have seven children. We're tapped out when it comes to giving love." No, that's an absurdity. That's ridiculous that when it comes to ahava love, it's limitless. It doesn't stop at six kids or seven kids. It doesn't stop at one child grandchild or the fifth grandchild. It just keeps going on. And I got news for you. When you get married, if you're not married, is it all singles here? Married? Any marriage here? Few married? Anyone married? Married. How long you married? >> 10 years. >> 10 years. You love your wife? >> What's your name? >> Odette. You love your wife? Let me ask you something. Do you love her more now than you did in year one? You think >> more now than in year one? But wait a second. in year one it's like you know you were really like infatuated and it was exciting this that and the other you love her now more what about year five you think you love her now than more than year five >> yeah yeah because the I asked my mother when I was a teenager when I was a teenager I asked my mother I don't know why I remember where I was standing in the kitchen when I asked this you know she'd been married for a number of years already at that point I said like don't you get bored being with the same person all these years And she went, "Oh, no, no, it just gets better and better and deeper." Because with love, it's like an onion. There there's endless layers to it. And so the depth of love in year one, as much as you think you're in love with each other, I got news for you. You're going to be more in love with each other in year five. Hopefully, if you do things right, like Oden, and in year 10, and in year 25 or in year 73, my grandparents lived had 73 years. They were married together 73 years. Yeah. So, so when it comes to aava, when it comes to love, when it comes to spiritual things, there's no limit to that. It just keeps going on and on and on and on and on. And that's what Moshe was telling Yoshua. What are you worried about me? You think you think it it it takes away from me that these guys are prophesying? This isn't this that's not how it works. It's just more and more the more people have nva the more people have a close connection to Hashem that's what prophecy is the better I got no problem with that I want to share that I don't have to be the best and the highest or anything it's like yeah let other people also do that and that's what Mosha was saying but actually when you think of it even when it comes to the um material things in life it actually applies also You ever heard the term zero sum game? Zero sum game. Anyone hear that? Ladies are like, "No, I know what he's talking about." Guys, no. Zero some zero sum game. You heard that? Okay, I'll give you a definition of it and why it's so not a uh Jewish idea. A zero sum game is a concept in game theory and economics where one participants gain is exactly offset by another's loss. When we talk about you'll see this this is actually very much part of politics going on right now that you read about. They might not use this term but this is kind of underlying it all. Okay going back. So zero sum game is a concept in game theory in economics where one participant's gain is exactly offset by another's loss. In these situations the total wealth resources or points in the case of a game remain fixed meaning any win inherently comes at the expense of someone else. There's a fixed number of things here and if someone's very rich and they that's what they say. Oh, this billionaire Basos, he's a billionaire. But that came at the expense of someone else. If somebody is winning, it means someone else is losing. And that's what the social de social socialist democrats, whatever they call themselves, that's where they're coming from, is take the money away from the rich, that's Manni, and give it to the less fortunate. The Jewish idea of rain, which is braha, okay? The idea of braha, of blessing, it's not win-lose because they look at it from the perspective of win lose. We Jews, we look at it from the perspective of win-win. Abraham is told all the nations will be blessed through you. The word blessing in Hebrew, braha is from braha, a pool, like a fountain, a spring. When you see a spring, does it run out of water? It doesn't run out of water. It keeps going and going and going and going. And so people who are rooted in Torah, Judeo-Christian ideas, whatever you want to call it, okay? The ones who believe in God, because let's say face it, this is like an expression of an infinite God. God doesn't have limitations. It's not like this zero sum game has no no relationship with God at all because with God he he could be all giving and he can give and give and give and it like like with motion with the spirituality it's no skin off his back and so when someone is successful even in the material world for sure the spiritual world but even in the material world if someone is successful it's win-win situation that's what like if someone creates if Basos creates a a a company of Amazon. So, think of all the thousands of people, the hundreds of thousands of people who now have jobs because of him. There's recently an article in the Wall Street Journal of how many manh hours he saves of people that when you got to buy something, you don't have to get in your car and go to the place and it takes you an hour to get this thing. You save it. You save an hour of your life because this guy put together Amazon. And so the capitalistic system, the free market system is very much in tune in line with the Jewish system of Braha because that's what Braha is. It's win-win situation. If someone connects themselves with Abraham, connects themselves with the Jewish people, is supportive of the Jewish people and history bears this out. So they win, we win and they win. But it but but their perspective and that's why generally I know I'm getting a little political here but generally the people who are anti this idea they're generally atheists because atheists they're not grounded in the concept of an infinite God who could do infinite giving and that's one of the most fundamental concepts of Torah and Judaism because let's face it God created the world based on the notion of isn't just being a nice guy and doing nice things for people. It's like it's it's contributing to other people and contributing and making their lives better. And that's why Abraham, the first Jew, the the the quality, the character trait of what he is and what he's defined by is he is the greatest expression of this infinite God who can give endlessly and people don't lose. It's not win lose, it's winwin. And that's what Moshe was saying over here that certainly on a spiritual level it's win-win that if someone I take from my nvua my prophecy my spirituality and give it to someone else that's win-win. And when it comes to love or any other you know important emotion then that is no limit to it. Even in the material world it works that way that that and that's why they you know the the more people connect themselves with Jews the more braha they get the more blessing they get and it's win-win not win lose zero sum game has nothing to do with Judaism and braha has everything to do with Judaism and defines who we are and what we are allighty any questions or comments or anything it's going on and on and on and on. Okay, one other thing, one other po point that I want to get across in this week's para and that is we get towards the end and there's this kind of conflict with Miriam and Aaron, Mosha's brother and sister, regarding this wife of his without getting into the details of what exactly were they bothered by, but Hashem kind of intervenes and steps steps into the middle of it. And the Torah testifies before I tell you what the testifies what it talks about. If I were to tell you that one of the most humble people in the world, one of the most humble individuals is going to walk through that door right now. More humble, humblest guy in South Florida going to walk through that door. What? What does he look like? What do you think he looks like? There he is. Here he is. I There he is. [applause] He's got a beer. He's got a nice Look at what's your name? >> Oh, if your name is Mosha, then I really freaked out. There's a good name, too. Okay. So, Abair who's very humble, but what would he look like? The most humble person. Would his Would he Would he have a puffy chest? Would he be walking like this? Like, would he look like Trump, you know? No. Wouldn't look or behave like Trump? What is What's a super humble person normally in your mind look like or act like or behave like? Come on, work with me over here. >> Soft spoken. >> Soft spoken. What else? >> Like flowy. Like fluid. >> Flowy. >> Not stiff. >> Oh, kind of fluid. >> How's that connecting with humility? I'm just curious. >> Sorry. >> How How does that a an expression of humility? >> Um, I think that it's just like soft way of going through life and >> like your body language is humble as well. You don't feel as if you need to be seen. >> Okay. >> Kind of like structure to be yourself. Like flow through. >> Flowing through. He's like connecting in with with wherever he is or wherever she is, whatever the case may be. Fair. Okay. I like that floaty. That floaty. What else? >> Someone has been through a lot. >> Someone who's been through a lot. Oh, he's been humbled. Beat like beating him down. >> Okay. What else? Quiet, >> quiet, unassuming, introverted maybe. Right. >> Well, lo and behold, in this week's parh, we have Vahish Moshe anav. Moshe was very, very, very humble. The most humble person in history is Moshe. Now, think about this for a second. What did Moshe just finish doing before we get to Bidbar? He takes the Jewish people out of Egypt. But when he's having that battle with parro, I mean, it's like a battle of the gods. That's what it is. It's Hashem, God versus their view of God. And the representative, it's it's it's a it's a not a welterweight battle here. It's a heavyweight battle between Moshe and Parro. And Moshe is a very very powerful person. I mean, he's the lawgiver. He gives us our Torah. Okay. And not only that, but when we first meet Moshe, the first incidents that we meet Moshe way back in Schmoth, way back in Exodus, what is the first thing he does? What's the first thing he does that that we we hear of him doing some sort of activity? We Yeah, we hear about him as a baby, but the first time that he kind of like does something, what does he do? kills an Egyptian. Very not a flowy kind of guy, you see. You know, sees an Egyptian striking a Jew. Looks coco. He's dirty hairy. Okay, you don't know who that is. But he kills the guy right then and there. You know, vigilante justice. And then he goes out the next day and he sees two Jews arguing. And what does he do? He's he he doesn't kill them. doesn't kill them, but he he like he gets involved, you know, he he he insinuates himself into that disagreement and then word gets out. Uh-oh. You know, like they're after me. And he has to escape. And he goes to Midian. And what happens there? He sees these these Jew these non-Jewish women being harassed by other non-Jews. Nothing to do with Jewish people. And what does he do there? He steps forward. He does something. This is You ever hear of dirty hairy movies? you know, the dirty harries from the, you know, Clint Eastwood, you know, Charles Bronson way back in the day, the vigilante justice movies and such from the 70s. You're too young. But the point is, this guy does not fit our description of Anava, of Humble. He is not in the background. He's not a wallflower. He's not just, you know, keeping to himself. He's not an introvert. He's not quiet, softly spoken individual. And yet the Torah says, "This is the most humble man Moshe is." So, how do we understand this? The Jew. Yes. >> What's your name? >> I didn't mean to cut you off. >> That's okay. I'm used to being cut off. What's your name? >> Danella. >> Daniela. >> Yes. >> Give it. Tell us. >> So, I when I think of someone, I don't think of someone that I actually think someone extremely capable but doesn't need consistent praise for it. >> Okay. >> Yeah. Like whenever I think of humbleness, I think of someone who you want to be like and this is my friend and this person is amazing and does this and that that and that person instead of being like yeah I did that. They're kind of like I'll stop. >> They don't make themselves the focus. >> They make others humb with incapability or quietness or or um like you know like not wanting to succeed, >> right? >> I just associate it with not needing >> not need not needing the the ego, >> you know, stroking, >> but very capable, >> right? Okay. So, excellent. So, here's the in addition to here's the Jewish definition of humility based on what we know about Moshe, right? Based on all these things we say about Moshe, it's it's yeah, they don't when we think of an arrogant person, they take up all the space, right? It's always about them. They always bring it back to them. Right? So humble person, it's not that he's a a zero. He's an eff. He's a Gornish. He's a schleer. He's a nobody. That's not what it is. What only counts to the humble person? Whatever is true and whatever is good and whatever is an expression of infinite God. That's it. That's that was what Moshe was. And that's why Yeah. when he sees an injustice and a Jew is being s is suffering at the hands of an Egyptian, he steps forward and if need be, if he has to take the life of the Egyptian, so be it. And that's what he does. And when he sees two Jews arguing, he steps in the middle of that. And when he needs to represent God to parro and and have that battle of the gods as we say. Yeah, he does that because it's not about him. But in not but in terms of not about him, not in terms of he's a nothing. It's not about him. It's all about truth, justice, and the American way as they used to say about the Superman comics, right? It's all about goodness and truth and doing what's right and fighting for what's right. And sometimes, yeah, even putting yourself in uncomfortable places and positions because think of it again, Moshe, he could have had the easiest, cushiest life ever imagined. He was living in the palace of parro. Everything was just hunky dory and fine. He didn't have to jeopardize that by getting involved with these downtroddened Jews, which yes, I know I come from them, but hey, you know, I grew up basically an Egyptian. Leave me alone. No, no, no. He sees an injustice going on and he loses everything. I mean, he ends up gaining everything, but at that time he loses it all. All the wealth, all the prestige, all the power, all the connection to the most powerful parro gone in an instant when he chooses to make that choice. Why? Because that's what was the that that's what that was the moral thing to do. That was the godly thing to do. That was the right thing to do. And that's the Jewish definition of humility. Not that you're a zero and a schleer and a nobody. Excuse me. A and a nothing. It's that I'm a nothing visav what has to get done. And that's why those people are really really charismatic people who are you know they they don't need to be recognized as Daniela said because they're only interested in what's true and what's good and what's proper. That's what they're interested in. That's what humility really is. And so humility is very empowering. It's very powerful. And and our goal is to emulate Moshe to be like that. That when we see something has to get done, don't think, oh, well, who am I to do it? No, you are the person to do it. If you recognize something is wrong and you can fix it, go fix it. Because it's not about you. It's about making the truth happen, making goodness happen, making m making like whatever is just has to happen. And so if you could be a conduit for that and you can create that, then yeah, it is about you. But not in the pat on the back back sense, but in the in the sense of really doing what's good and true and what people need. So probably the most important lesson of the para of everything we said is this. how it ends off about Moshe. Strive to be like Moshe in terms of humility, but the true definition of humility, which is really, really doing what our world needs, and that is more people fighting the good fight, doing what you got to do, not worrying about the consequences to your reputation or this, that, and the other. doing whatever is true and right and proper and making this world more an expression of what God wants in his world because we're willing to be like Moshe to make goodness, truth, and his presence more aware in this world. That's our job. Have wonderful to meet you all and see you all in Shabbat. [applause] >> [applause]