Even if I Betrayed You, When I Get To Your Core Desire, All Can Be Repaired

the yeshiva.net [Music] what's our shabbos hashem the slickest so before slices we have a priest this fabregan or comes it's 10 o'clock with sari shabbas in the tent tenth gimmel everybody is invited it's for men and for women they have a majitsa and for children so please come and tell your friends or relatives that's this coming midsize shabbos as we do usually every year and also shabbat shiva which is the shabbos after ishashana they have shabbosh russia in the afternoon at five o'clock shabbos afternoon that's uh also in the tent for men and women so everybody's invited to that now in terms of this week so thursday morning i'm not here but friday morning we'll have a share because i don't want to miss another share so this coming this week we'll have it the next year will be friday morning instead of thursday morning same time 7 45. okay tonight and tomorrow happens to be high ello the 18th of ello which is the birthday of the balshemptiv and of the balatanya they were both born on the same day on wednesday yay maruvi just like this year moshemthu was born in the year nakhos hey allah from nakhas 1698 and al-tirab at the balatanya tough cafe 1745. used to say review on wednesday it says hashem hung in the sky the two great luminaries his name is you cried sometimes deep deepest truths come from places that you don't expect them right the passage says in tehillim where did i find him i found him he was lost so the cause i'll say him i found david mulligan's dime you understand light and his daughters david came from rus russ was a moabite woman the moabite nation came from light's daughter from a relationship between the daughter and light and the boy was named mayav and he fathered the tribe of which included the princess rus who was the great grandmother of david so what did i find of it i found them in this dime over there i found them you don't know from where inspiration and truth and authenticity comes from it's not always to be found in the expected places listen there's there's a there's a line that says in a lot of swarm of kabbalah ain't below the ability which means we live in a world where you're not going to find taive wholeness that's not mixed in with some brokenness and you're not going to find ra right brokenness which is not going to happen that sparks of toys of goodness you know it's very few exceptions to this rule you know the question is if if one can access it how one can access it what's the best way to access it if one goes there so that's uh you know that's a very good question but uh sources of wisdom and truth or what kabbalah calls nitsuza's divine sparks are everywhere in fact that's part of why we're in the world right to to find them and elevate them and extract them beginning with themselves so yeah so that's why the ballast binder he got this this nugget of of inspiration which wasn't just inspiration it was transformation the most unexpected place sometimes that's where or to put it differently she knew how to speak his language if he would have sat at a at a sheer and shull mismadru he probably sat right he was probably she spoke his language she tuned into him you know what i mean she just one line and i said at the end of the there's a mime from the rabbit champ he says the blossom in the day was a panima he wasn't a kid there's a there's an expression called somebody who lives on the outside which means i just want to impress people a people pleaser so what i do and what i say is never what i do and what i say it's what i think i have to do when i have to say in order to fit in to flatter to be accepted a panimi is somebody who cultivates a certain level of authenticity where actually when i'm communicating to you something i'm communicating something that's internal it's real i don't live on the outside i live on the inside yeah previously writes in one of his circus that in the city he grew up in lobovich in belarus with his father that have a mirage and his father said he said the worst insult the worst insult you know russian russian language has some pretty hefty words when you want to insult somebody i'm not going to repeat them here but uh they have mastered much better than the the brits or the english you know how to tell somebody what you think of them so if it's putin or zelinski whoever you know was in your way so uh he said that the biggest insult when in labavich the biggest insult was to call somebody a kitson to say somebody is a hitsun was the worst insult you understand because who you do who you there's it's inauthentic so he says that blossom and the diet there's a miami but there was a he fell very deep but he was he was epitome he was authentic in other words he was trying to be true to his own form whatever that was that could be you know he was very mistaken and he was he fell down low but that's why when she said it when she said something to him that hit the spot it hit the spot a hits and you never hit the spot i had an uncle his name was absmul of great great uncles he once said that a darshan he says every jew does truva at some point besides one type of jew a darshan a speaker why she said because every jew yeah once in a while before shashana before him kippur at another point in the year he sees up as a good vert in a safer he hears something and it touches him he says you know what it's time for me to uh to become better he says but a darshan when he hears a good vart what does he think this is gevaldic for the next russia right so he doesn't have the ability to internalize this is gevalde for the next speech so i once said that they once told us to adarsha somebody was answered and he said you know you're the only guy who can't do triva because anything you hear you're thinking about your next speech he says you know what that's a govaldika void for the next that a darshan can't do truth so uh the point is it's always on the outside do you understand i take it in in order to give it back out the blast there was an element of enemies when he heard something that touched with where they went through and through boom penetrate it so what was the main occur just to summarize literally in a few sentences the question in civ base of the maya metiko was what's the mechanism of true how does truva work and why does it work i understand there's a concept of forgiveness but if something is missing if there was a flow missing if every mitzvah is a limb of the king like a limb it accesses the divine energy and that divine energy was an access there was an excess is is missing that limb physically or spiritually it's missing if the mitzvah really represents that how does trevor change that or does it change it so he brought in the passage right and he explained me my makham is double plural from the depths of me i reach the depths of you but for this i have to go me my makim from the umek to amick is the depth depth much deeper than usual hashem doesn't only mean i call out to you god but crusader i re-access the flow of yud kevafka bibamak and the main point that he explained was that there's points in life where a person a person's very conception of i breaks breaks down sometimes i'm experiencing something that hurts that's painful that's difficult but my soul can contain it in other words it's hitting upon some an identity that can deal with it but sometimes that very that very dealer also falls apart he says and that's that was the truth of the blessed daya to the point that in his case it was physical he didn't survive he physically didn't survive in other words it was in the most real sense in the most real concrete sense that his soul can't contain the experience anymore because the experienced defied it challenged the very very conception of i and he says a person sometimes experiences that type of pain where their heart cries to the point that words which are limited and finite can't contain it it comes from a much deeper place than words and then sometimes the soul can't contain it in other words my thoughts my my emotions my identity can't contain it and when rebbe saw this he started to cry it brought him to that type of experience he's going to explain and he said yes sometimes you're kind of your islam you acquire your world bashan in in one one care so when this so to speak system of consciousness breaks down and is disintegrated like where abalazabinder daya what happens two things can happen this is this depth of depth so you say that there's nothing left the person falls apart the palatana says that at such a moment there's also the opportunity to reach into another imek that's also beyond the regular the regular rats in hashem also this type of experience opens up a person to reach the divine in a completely different way and that's what he's going to start explaining now what this means and he says that's the nakuda why the ghazal said that whereabouts overstands nobody could stand it's not an issue of quantity he does more mitzvahs he takes it more serious the lotion of the zodia is mashin lay bachela they draw him down with a different type of vigor so it's a different type of energy that they're accessing what does this mean so this is what he starts explaining now we're holding page 107 and tap it should say jerusalem non-dalit column two in the middle of the page the line starts bachelors probably around 15 16 lines from the top rats when you say alien means the divine will has two dimensions what does it mean two dimensions two general ways in which you talk about desire one is rutsen that's manifested it's enclosed malubosh is like from the word levush it's enclosed it's dressed up and it's camouflaged it's manifested through wisdom through we know is the beginning of what's called in sephirah ms and sephirah kabbalah this is the beginning of the beginning of the system as we always say is the epiphany the first glimmer of consciousness which later develops and becomes concretized but that's the first glimmer of awareness which of course still needs to be developed but that's in the divine system it's called the beginning of the same we're in the image of the divine by a person also that's why in the tense virus it often starts off with the sphere of khachma which is the first glimmer of consciousness the conception of i that rats are in the the disruption is malubosh in other words it's channeled through through through wisdom through some type of understanding this datsun is accessed through trader and mitzvos we call it hashem's wisdom and every single nakuda in thailand has it's an idea there's an idea sometimes the ideas are very very deep and the person's mind doesn't get it but something you get something somebody once said about hummus right everybody learns it nobody understands it fully and everybody understands something we learned before mitzvah every mitzvah has a minute do i fully understand it do i understand one percent five percent ten percent remember the result says that every possible homage has six hundred thousand interpretations so we mitzvah six hundred thousand interpretations and that's an introduction and said because every soul has its own interpretation rashi says in shah hashem in the beginning that tam me torah the reasons and the secrets of title will be revealed through mashiach he's going to reveal saitama so there's layers and layers and layers and layers sometimes one mitzvah has so many different layers of reasons there's the way the reason is in asea the way the reason is in yitzira the way the reason is embryo the way the reason is in acilis if you'll google why should we eat why do we eat kosher or why do we put on fill in or why do we keep shabbos right one one mitzvah can be explained on many different layers in the writings of the arizona you'll find one type of explanation in the writings of don yitzhak barbanel you'll find a different type of explanation in the iranians of the rambam you'll find a whole different type of explanation in the writings of musa you'll find different types of explanations and it's all tamim of torah so this is all mitzvahs is the way hashems wrote in through awareness this perspective there's wisdom it's called you're learning any suggest any safer in today but what is it it's divine wisdom it's a divine lens to look at the world everything even a question in gemara araya gemara it could be about a very technical topic it could be about civil law it could be a person damaging another person or it could be very abstract it could be whatever it is but it's hashem thinks this way so to speak like we often learn there's layers and layers and layers what are you getting in that right you could just get the very concrete layer okay this is a swara and this father goes deeper and deeper we often we we split into the mind of a sam dr ebba says toys vs rosh and ron say the same idea in different oysters and really none of the isis captured the idea the idea is a svara dhaka rookness it's a core spiritual transcendent idea that could be stripped further and further until you go deeper and you can get to us but that's the source who are the masters of accessing this ratson through he says this is through sadiq means truly truly righteous good people wholesome people who fulfill their mitzvahs throughout their days for lloyd bhagavan without without without missing a beat the blueprint of life articulated by the rabbinicial islam the internal internalize they embrace and they live it when he says it's not necessarily talking in tanya the level of atsa gamma is very very deep level but here he means a jews who's committed so to speak to god's blueprint of life day in day out he also doesn't mean a person can't make a mistake and do truth but the pattern of this person is that throughout the days of their life just like physically every person they live a healthy lifestyle a day is a day a night is a night right the way they eat the way they behave the way they walk the way a person could live you're in tuned with your rhythm you're in tuned with your with your own energy spiritually as well i'm saying in tanya the level of santa crumb is a very very high level i don't think that's what he means here i don't think so i'm not sure but i don't think so it doesn't sound like it he's talking here about a person who's who lives with the rats and alien yeah vas ville de la brister in yiddish yeah in every moment there's a blueprint how god sees this moment what's the opportunity what's the rats not not hulelusa notification it's not frivolousness and not some uh you know emptiness so what's not so this is watson alien but of course although says there's something else it's a different type of rocks not a different type different level there's a rats in alien there's a divine desire that's higher than it's higher than ashton it's higher than any system any structure is divine structure and structure always begins with i told you last time we all have systems by which we function those systems can be damaged sometimes those systems can be wholesome at least theoretically that system begins with it's a concept and the concept always gives rise to everything that comes from that just like in the physical world you start with a concept and from the concept the concept grows it grows sinews it grows bones it grows meat right but it begins with a with a with with a germ with a germane concept with a nakuda a child that begins with a concept a tip it's develops and builds and that's the system if you build a computer system those of you who are computer geniuses right there's a system but the system is based on it's based on an akuda and a concept on a truth that then gets built into the point that it could be used by dummies too because they can't access the back end program they don't know the nikudas but they already have their caleb to access it i don't know what happens when i type in in my email address i type in your email address right but something happens yeah it works that's the brilliance of all you guys who do that we have a bunch of them here in the room brilliant programmers if i would look at your back end it looks like just it's worse than a challenge in terms of the beans and the concoctions but somehow the email went went through so it always begins with ahmed and it develops he says there's a rats in the alien that's beyond the stashless completely the in this form of cabal already but zoey there's an expression gal galte the skull golgoylis is the skull in aramaic algal the which hovers over the brain the brain is contained in the skull so the brain represents he's going to say what do i mean from the word hovers over it covers [Music] there's three spaces within the skull three parts of the brain that parallel to the faculties of binandas in other words regions in the brain they're called three regions in the hollow in the empty space within the skull in the brain but then there's etzem there's the there's the x of the bone the so to speak that covers over the brain and that's not weird the intellectual experience will be dwelled and manifested that's called the golgoles that's on top of the brain you have a kabbalin expression you have the mayak the brain and then you have chroma the membrane it's chrome and then you have what's called chroma d'aviri of the space the tiny little space between the brain and the skull you have the skull itself so already in sifriya kabbalah it's at each one of them it's not nothing over there is where any every nikuda of the brain and what's around the brain is a kaley for a different energy so he says this is the gal gauta kakal derek that's far beyond being manifested in khmer and bina and das in the parts of the brain it's called above the gal galton cabal it's also called casser the crown because the skull is like the crown right to the king or the now it's the king used to be the queen the crown the royal crown that sits above the head it's called casser now the physical crown is just a physical crown on top of your head here it's not on top of your head it's also in your head but the point is it's not in the head it transcends essentially the whole experience of that's called galgalta what is balatanya saying whenever you talk about desire if you talk about the explanation of the desire how the desire translates into an idea that's not pure dots that's already diluted ratsu it's powerful but it's not pure dots pure ruts and raw naked desire by definition completely transcends or to put it differently now you have to understand in this generation his generation to say this was not simple if you have an explanation why you want something it's already not what you want it's already the ruts in the way it's it's camouflage i want because because because and it makes perfect sense you want it but that's not that's one level of rocks there's a deeper level of rutsen you may call it primal it's at your core and over there it doesn't need khachma it doesn't have it won't manifest itself through it won't manifest itself through any levush and that's the pure naked raw vulnerable desire otsum that is beyond any garment that has an explanation that has a chakra to it to put it in simple english if you're talking about what you want in life as long as you're talking about why you want it it's not what you want you understand why or but that that itself i'm asking you to understand why if you understand why it's not good is big but a layer is an aspect is beginning of systems the child the child zeratsum sometimes it comes out in children the way they cry and scream you talk down the trunk but i'll explain to you why you shouldn't want it when you're 50 it's a joke yeah the child looks at you i'll explain to you why you don't want but when you're 40 50 60 it's still a joke for that child the explanations mamas don't matter you hear now this is not so easy to hear because the vocabulary of judaism for so many begins with khakima dalton said that's not where it begins it begins with sin it's very far beyond generally in our culture and it produced so many blessings it produces geniuses and nobel prize winners and la have del goin it's always hakama right using your brain and we often think i'll sit you down on my couch and i'll explain to you why you shouldn't feel this way how much does that help you tell yourself it helps emma's but how much does it help you have to know the vocabulary of ratson that's higher than it's a different vocabulary in fact it's not a vocabulary no but it's the same for everybody that just like by hashem there's a razor beyond but that's called gal galta so the altar says an unbelievable art who accesses the datsun through the sadiq yeah how do you access the rats in beyond it says this rotten is what comes out in the whole avoider of healing of transformation which happens through the breakdown of the system has this rats and we also have this rodson remember it's a mirror image but salmeinu there's rats in the alien in the soul so there's the rudson in the soul that comes through and then there's the ratsuna alien in the soul that's beyonce and it's beyond what my soul can contain can carry you know why because my way listen to this because my very concept of i start with kagama so when this razor meets the eye it's like oh omg the soul has a concept of self that concept of self is called khachma anybody here has a concept of self do you know what that looks like it's self conceptualization that always begins with kahma now sometimes it's amazing it works amazing in the case of the tsaddik to use contemporary language the case of the sabbath is the case of the healthy person their self-conceptualization is aligned with divine conceptualization that's good that's called harmony it works the system works what happens when my husband is damaged where my self-conceptualization is damaged in other words my system is not working what does that mean you have to go to therapy therapy helps some people go to therapy for 40 years yes healthy tighter bankers some people i don't know i don't like to say this but some people learn to bankers the concept of a balchuva is not just a concept like you say he cindy he didn't have he's doing truva baltruva is a it's a it's a it's a way of life it's a modality of life it's when my system disintegrates and i have to find my immediate life that's beyond what i knew about myself it's very hard because you let go of everything and in that surrender you have to go back to your primal razon and in that outer episode you know what you touch you touch the divine rats and that's higher than establishless you touch the radson of hashem that's beyond any structure he says that's called russo de liber russe of the lib is the aramaic expression for ratso in haleiw rusev is the pure pure pure desire of the heart without any delusion without any diluted it's not diluted to the even an iota of it is not diluted it's pure desire which could sometimes look like chaos it could look like chaos it's not chaos it has its own rhythm but it's beyond rhythms that we're familiar with because it's beyond so it's beyond rhythm it has its own internal makeup but its makeup is not one that we're familiar with because it's beyond structures that's now revealed in their soul only in the soul of baltimore in the tsadik what's revealed the rats in the alien that's filtered through because he's a good guy the system is aligned with the divine system his life is a mirror of establish but the where everything went haywire my life disintegrated i don't even know who i am and my soul can't even contain the pain in other words my system is shattered at this point i can touch my own rudson my own pure pure pure desire in the most primal primal sense what happens i open myself up now to the pure swords of aesthotrolus to the source of everything to the infinite undefined primal divine desire kavayako so what happens he says so all the voids and all the blemishes you talk about in terms of true the person didn't do all these mitzvahs so all this flow of energy is missing it all gets filled up why he says the mitzvahs are rooted you say this its foundations are in the mountains of holiness which is and you missed that you didn't get that commercial you have a river and the river is flowing beautifully but what's the source of the river a wellspring a spring there's a subterranean spring a spring under the earth and that spring like many rivers it feeds the cavity of the gnar and it's a beautiful beautiful river it flows we enjoy it we swim in it we look at it we hang out by the river you drink pina colada at the river etc one day the river dries up why so you take a look and you see because the mayan is not flowing anymore there was an interruption of such an interesting muscle so what do you do he says you have to dig you have to dig to a much deeper place in the well the well spring dried up on one level but not on another level but you don't know that level so he says you have to go march deeper into the mayan and to the source you can't deal with the river the river is just reflecting the source the source dried up so you have to go much deeper and then suddenly boom is there a uh uh a burst a burst of water and then the river will fill up also what's his muscle is he gets to the rats and that's the source of terror mitzvahs the pure not to be he digs the well to a much deeper place so what happens it bursts out and the river gets refilled so all the begum all the blemishes that was missing because there was an interruption in the flow now gets refilled from weir from the source of it all from the source of lots of i call out to you hey i access you you know when you call somebody they come over right please ankle come here because the ultimate source was exposed and when that source gets exposed it's like nuclear energy nuclear spiritual energy when that nuclear spiritual energy comes out it refills every gap in the river so be making from the i can access we get the flow of yud and hey and hey which represents estos we learned above his middles but was gone that's that's what it means it's gone it's missing right the aviar is missing but you went to that place when rebbe saw this debbie said he started to cry this was something that keva yoco it changed debbie it transformed rebbe and he said yes he was the gomer that's how the government here and beyond and here's allah right he was clean everything how i don't understand and he died and i don't know the basketball called him how does that happen this just transformed the debbie debbie started to cry rebbe became a balchuva at that moment when do i cry i cry when my system can't contain it when do you start crying people get very emotional sometimes very happy very happy moment you start crying it says in zoey where if yakiva would say him he would sob shashiru is not a sad book crying doesn't mean necessarily i'm sad crying is something that the regular system doesn't contain in a comfortable fashion you'll say this is overwhelming it touches me in in a deeper place joseph keeps on crying when he meets his brothers he meets binyamin i got very emotional rebbe started to cry why did he cry because this broke his system in a good way whenever there is betrayal in a relationship whenever there is betrayal to yourself see this is where shuva is seen in its true colors and as we often learn in lakota true is for everybody because we live in a broken world yeah now somebody once told me he said nobody has perfect parents every parent in the world makes a mistake besides your parents i know that and then he added and if your parents are perfect then you're really messed up in other words we live in a world it's like you know you talk about you talk about pain of people it's almost designed that at five at five age five most children's many children's hearts have been shattered at least one and a half thousand times there are dandelions and there are orchids there are you know highly sensitive people and different types of people how we deal with it but we live in a world where there's dissonance where where there's disassociation and where the system does break and disintegrate so the altareb is telling you here that when that happens it's an invitation to go beyond the system to go beyond your own system you have to get to your datsun what's our path to get to our pure datsun how do i even know about it only when i'm terribly disillusioned or i'm terribly broken but nothing works and i just like like rebellious he felt so hopeless he was not he was not making he was not putting his life into a system anymore we love systems right we all love systems you know you run a company you want system system systems people of systems and their yeshivas and their schools and their corporations and organizations systems and and the ultimate system is a system you're calling it ocd we're not calling it ocd you're a scientist what would happen if the atomic world would say i'm not ocd anymore we're not following the system the electro the electron is not revolving anymore we know what's going to happen what happens if one of my cells the eight you have 80 trillion whether so well you know i don't believe in systems anymore systems makes the world go round obviously there's healthy systems and there's crazy systems there's dysfunctional systems there's a ocd systems but in the kuda is we love systems and system of the good person of the topic it's it's god's blueprint for life how you eat and how you sleep how you have relations and how you have a marriage how you wake up in the morning and how you go to sleep it's a manual well the manual doesn't tell you how to eat than to eat eggs or to eat cucumbers but it's a manual to say that before you eat you meditate and after you eat you show gratefulness and you don't throw bread when you eat and this is the way you bathe this derek by a soda yeah it's it's a blueprint for for for a meaningful life for a divine life of course it could be it could become ocd classification but now i'm talking about that think everything could be misconstrued a person who wakes up in the morning and has a routine that builds his stamina and gives him a lot of energy that's beautiful you're not going to tell a person disrupt that who needs systems your your ocd don't don't don't exercise in the morning eat pizza instead of cucumbers in the morning it's going to do you very well go to the bris and eat up the cheesecake it's not it's if i can't it brings depression it it it it it invites less of me to life not more of me so we have to know what systems are there are systems that are that are that are amazing you you walk in though you go into a store or a company and there's there's a system and it's everybody knows what to do right a symphony has a system ms the body has a system and we're very grateful that the body has a system illness means when that system breaks down the same is true spiritually and yet and yet we often live lives in which we make so many mistakes in which we lack awareness to the point that sometimes i look at it and there's so much pain and there's so much regret and there's so many wounds that i don't recognize myself and i can't recognize myself and i almost lift up my hands his soul expired in his tears and rebbe said yes that moment he touched the source of everything he didn't need the system because he went to the source of the system and when you go to the source of the system you can get all the water even though you didn't work through the system because that's what sugar is that's why it's called true which means you're returning you're going back to the place of rats and beyond it's like you go to the back end of the boire before the bria you touch the boy ray higher than the bria yeah it's very conscious it could be sometimes not but it could be on the conscious level because the rats and that he says it's misgalab it comes out in a person's soul sometimes you we can even have it emotionally all i have is my desire i don't have anything else yeah but but but here the ratson is very good it's always very good because this rats and that mirrors hashem zeratsun is is is dvacus it's the ultimate connection yeah i just want to use the word his rodzin as evil today we understand it much with more clarity i would say he doesn't know who he is he's trying to survive he has a lot of coping mechanisms he has a lot of coping mechanisms to cover up for the fact that the system is very wounded so that's what we do we make believe we have a system truva means when i say you know i don't have a system anymore i'm done i'm done with systems it's a very vulnerable moment because you give up everything you know about yourself and that's the hardest thing i walk into a place i have a shtell this is me this is me this is my soul this is my identity especially if you have a little dosage of self-confidence right what happened to the blessed bin dudayah was there was not an akuda of i that remained nothing remained and when all that fell apart what came out the eye that's higher than i and exit is that's called higher than establish the i when you lose that r you don't lose everything you suddenly find everything here's the cloud from nothing you find everything because nothing is not nothing nothing is no thing when you go into no thing you have everything you hear a thing is a thing it's called yes we're talking you're healthy we're not talking bad we're talking about when i disintegrate into nothing no thing so there's no thing so what do you touch you touch pure datsun in the person sometimes what comes out is the purest purest core of a person's desire that has no it's not camouflaged by sophistication it's not camouflaged by brilliance it's not camouflaged by reasons it's not camouflaged by intellectual justifications beautiful music it's not camouflaged rabbi verba has there's no there's no there's no intellectual sophistication right there's no behaviour in this bid i don't make as i'm at the with my hand anymore so what what what's l what's left what's left so often you feel you're left with nothing he said you're not left with nothing you're left with that which is higher than estarcialus and that which is higher than australia's accesses hashem's droughts in the tithe nationalist that's what the baltroom touches unadulterated truth unadulterated truth and over there there's a tremendous source of comfort because it's not a comfort that comes from a superficial comfort it's going to be a ride you'll figure it out you didn't make any mistakes so it's not so bad that's called nicholas it's steering somebody once said there was a philosophy he says when you stare at the abyss long enough it starts staring back at you right those of you who stared at the abyss long enough you know what that means right start staring back at you but here there's a deeper nakuda when i could come face to face with my own abyss in other words with his touchless disintegrates and it's like this bottomless pit so now i ask the question who am i what what is there what is left and he says then you'll find something that's beyond your it's in the gal it was never conscious it didn't have to be conscious these things are not so conscious it's the most primal primal space of the inner child that touches the primal space of the ribonus and if that starts flowing through your heart if i become open to that so paradoxically all the blemishes get refilled from that water of the spring not because i did everything right not because i didn't make any mistakes but there's a light that comes from the source of tyramitas could be kristin hashem in a person's life you see that very often there is an element of betrayal and i can ask you for forgiveness and you could even forgive but the begum was missing the gum was missing the gum was there in other words what's missing was missing and nothing could bring it back nothing could bring it back here in this miami's makhadesh or magali reveals that that's also not true the facts may be true this was missing that was missing that was missing that was missing but this type of trooper brings you to a place that's at the source of everything the reason what makes it missing is it's a chakra that comes from ratson but you go to the source of that it's almost like i give you the the secret code that is the source of everything else so automatically everything gets filled up it's hard to articulate in words but you see it in a relationship also sometimes there's a relationship the relationship was very flawed because people were working with their hands tied behind their back they had a lot of wounds and they could only access certain parts of themselves so there was no flow everything dries up the only way the river could flow is if it's connected to the mayan it's connected to the spring it's not connected to the spring it dries up and then the spring also can dry up the spring is like the that accesses the rots and there's an interruption it's extremely powerful because in contemporary language this is really the essence of emotional disassociation in other words what does a healthy person mean what does that i don't know is there such a thing but what does a real healthy person mean and the answer is integration everything works together we all have parts and the parts work in unison what does a healthy company look like what does a healthy corporation look like the answer is there's parts and they work together right they help each other they communicate with each other what's the worst thing that happens in a company or in an organization you do your thing i do my thing we don't even communicate after a year we stop looking at each other you know those types of organizations after 20 years the paralysis and the levels of dysfunction are beyond you have sometimes schools that way you have shulls that way you have companies that way it's complete complete like it's it's infected through and through in a body hospital when there's no integration between all of the moving parts of the body that's very dangerous for the body it's also true spiritualism emotionally psychologically and when the moving parts are not working together you know you have a choir i was once in a choir when i was a kid ellie lipskis choir in the middle of one of the songs there was a fellow a kid standing near me and he started to sing another song now it was in front of everybody so what's titamin sadly lip skull of hashem was trying to give him his eyes to make him realize that he's just singing another tune it took him a while to get it but what's the problem the problem is the power of a choir is you have distinct voices but they're singing the same song when they're singing different songs and which can acquire so we all have different parts in our brain right we're not made up of one brain like he says flas there's a lot of different parts but they work together so the rats and feeds the men feeds the bean and the benefits feeds the question and the all the way to malchus and thoughts and words and actions there's like an organism that's alive and functioning well then sometimes things happen to a person in their life for whatever reason and other circumstances what happens certain parts stop functioning now they don't really stop functioning they function but they don't function anymore in harmony with other parts some parts go offline some parts go into exile and gullus like he often says in lakuta toyota some parts become completely eclipsed some parts become distorted and now there's chaos it's like uh you ever read about what happened in the titanic before it went down when a ship is going almeime nukes everybody sits in their place and they're enjoying right this one is drinking a cup of wine someone is drinking a cup of water this one is sleeping what happens is going down this one jumps this one is holding on to the wreckage this one ran into a lifeboat this one is hollering this one faints why because my life is in danger so what happens when your life is in danger emotionally or physically what happens the system goes berserk right so we call it trauma what's what happens the parts are not working together anymore there's no flow there's no flow and everything becomes its own thing it's an incredible description of how that works and to some then at some point it disintegrates and i can't function anymore and he says and then you reinvent yourself from where from the place of rutsen that is at your core which touches our shems rats and at his core which is beyond the starchelas and when you tap into that space the whole flow comes back and it fills up the whole system again because he went back to that source and you know you went back to that source everything gets refilled but it's very very humble process it's a humble process because there's no ego left this is not done with ego it's not done with self-consciousness the islam understands what we're talking about a little bit huh half liver fella ah it exists pre-birth but even after birth it emerges very often you could often see in children right their desires come out and they're very primal they don't come with explanations of course that's why the gemara says kalyama of batuva we should all strive to become chivalrous truth is not just i did something horrible and i ask forgiveness that's also true but truva is a modality for life it's it's it's it's a modality it's the modality that breaks all the other models and you don't say eft of usher the mission says you don't say i'm gonna destroy my life so i could do chiva you don't do that you know i'll destroy my marriage so i can have a better marriage yeah maybe but you may end up with nothing you know i'm gonna become six i could become healthy and appreciate my health you know i don't appreciate my health let me get sick you don't do that you don't do that you know yeah exactly exactly but the operating system beautiful expression the operating system of the sondik the good guy let's call the good guy right it's it's exemplary it's exemplary we all want to learn from it we want that operating system you're right it says that is going to bring make this abolition so so the operating system of the tsadik is is is glorious it's extremely beautiful and this irat sign this this puritan that he talks about is at the core it's at the core but i'm often completely unaware of it you know what what what does that dotson look like sometimes if i'm not compelled by my life story to go there i never go there i don't know how to go there i don't have to go there and i remain in the world of ratson that is always filtered through and condensed and channeled and limited through that and that's where i am because that place of rats and beyond is very very vulnerable it's extremely vulnerable but when a person does get in touch with that when a person could really really get in touch with that and embrace it and hold on to it and allow it to become a kali for hashems ratson because the two are always connected it refills everything all the voids all the casseroles all the blemishes of all these years that we're missing it's like this river has holes everywhere no water you know and worms and and bacteria gathered and other things gathered weeds and and all types of uh thorns in this void in all of these gummim and castranas and blemishes and boom it's it's it's like a a refill in a moment yes it's like a transformation that brings you to the core of it all and if it's at the core at all you have everything everything but not you have everything because i have everything you have everything because you went away from a place of system and structure to a place of pure infinity that's very vulnerable because it's not something you can you know show off on your resume it's not something i can hold on to it holds on to me i don't hold on to it the eye has disintegrated i don't hold on to it that's the vulture of it i don't hold on to anything it holds on to me in other words i become a conduit for it it's a second mountain it's a different experience you know saw that he looked very stern his his face was very um it looked like his face was fallen he was an anguish so they dive in stronger and it was already later in the day music and the seemed very disturbed by something like his face was on fire and nobody knew what's happening but they saw they could see on his face that he was sensing something and the talmidim who were very sensitive and great jews the talmud of some of them were going really great people over there this was something about shisham kiboydam he had in his intimate group and his kavraya kadushi shishim gabor 60 talmidim the mogan had 120 but he had a 60. you had people of the stat of the stature of the market of misridge of uh the tallest jack of yosef etcetera etcetera and bonsampton was still in anguish and they davin and everybody was trying whatever they can spiritually to you know to make a change and nothing was happening anyway there was a farmer's boy a boy who grew up in a farm and he was an orphan he didn't have a family and he didn't have an education like many kids then maybe some kids today too but not everybody went to school yeshiva you know they lived in farms in little stetlach and they owned taverns and inns it was a very different matzah you could understand this is eastern europe you understand ukraine of the balshampton's days 1700s early hundreds middle seventeen seventeen hundred shepherd passed away seventeen sixty tough cough so there was a boy who grew up on a farm but yum kippur his the malabas who took care of him brought him to shul cause him kippy he went to shul there were no shules where they lived but they went to the city to the big city the boy never learned how to read olive base so he opens a maxer but he can't read anything he can't read muy d'ani he can't reach my israel he can't reach me now so he can't read so he's looking and he opens it and he wants to say something but he can't and he sees everybody darvaning with such gusto and ecstasy and the monsanto a canist so what does he do he knew the language of chickens he grew up with chickens and with roosters so with all of his might imagine the middle of shul yeah a man in the middle of shro he started but not stom i'm i didn't grow up on a farm so i don't know how to do it i just know the story you know i'm copying the story but he didn't just do it he did it like the chickens and the chickens do it when they're running away from the roosters you know what it sounds like you have to spend some time on a farm celebrity frailer they know how to do it on top of his lungs because he went to the darwin with all of his salt what's his darkening oh he's screaming so you always have a gabba in the show right then what does the dabbage do he does his job what's his job throw him out you know throw him out listen so sugar in the place here some basement should go you see goes and he tells this kid either sugar nice it's not it's not not your chicken farm so sure but the boy is overtaken by emotion and he's so he wants to start slapping him out and the boshemtivs the baashemtiv face suddenly became a glow with joy and he turned around and he showed that they should they shouldn't touch him he should let him continue and later the bashamtive said that he felt you know not good things coming and nothing was helping and this kukuriku it changed everything what's up exactly he didn't need the system he didn't need systems now does that mean i should come to sri lanka and start screaming kokuriku if i do it i'm going to be copying him but if i could do it not copying him and this is so this is so important it's one of the assailants in yiddish we have systems right we have systems but we don't worship systems you don't become obsessed by systems what often happens is the system becomes obsessive you lose sight of that ain't safe when you lose sight of ain't served you have no space for truva in simple english it means we start worshipping the people who look good and everything is perfect and anybody who's imperfect has to be perfect but you're not so you make believe but that's not where real truth happens yes there's a system in this toyota and there's mitzvahs and it's like and as he says before him like pogba call your name he uses the word because that's the right word but then you also have to understand that there's no hopelessness the the power of this kukuriku was it went to the back end program to the code you know to that to the code that precedes everything and to the code that precedes even the code to that nakuda that precedes even the first code from which all the other codes come from he went back to that source how did he get to that source because in himself he went to his what's the kukurikuna person that's the chicken in you the chicken in you is the primal the primal part right with they call that we have the reptilian brain the mammalian brain you go to the to the chicken inside of you the chicken inside of you is not sophisticated but it's a chicken that's where we do kapadas with a chicken so that's that that kukuriku transcended everybody's filler what does that mean it shows what it is what's it what its power is and today we need lots of people screaming kokuriku that's what we need whatever your kukuriku looks like what does your cooking look like you see that kid at least knew what his kukuliku looked like he knew when he wanted to speak to god he knew what to say many of us we don't even know what am i supposed to say i don't even know he knew what to say came out okay buddy have a beautiful day listen when you get to that space there's not so many retainers you want a thousand things only when you're not in touch with your ultimate the primary sinus of people are very simple i want to be connected i want to be loved i want to love i want to be attached sometimes said the is the simplicity of the simple jew is one thing with the core simplicity of hashem there was a president of israel zalman shazaar so he once came to see the labarava cherub in the early 70s he was the president serving president in israel so it was around 73 so a lot of russian jews came out in 72. so a lot of them came to israel a lot of jews from georgia came out in different parts of russia there was a certain exodus a limited one but a lot of jews came out in 1972. so he spoke to the dead but he said that he's meeting all these russian jews that came to and he said you know their their precious jews is you know completely ignorant so he said he says the my father-in-law he liked better the word but he again in the conversation he kept on saying he didn't mean to put him down he was just describing you know the the lack of education in russia so a few times he corrected them because the marriage brings out its you don't know anything means is not a complementary term you know uh yeah he didn't mean that he didn't mean to be the right just he just it was just an expression means there's a simple person simplicity for carrots simplicity is the deepest simplicity is higher than sophistication right the simplicity of a child it's pure an ish touches the simplicity of hashem why the simplicity of an ishikaya the simplicity of an ish parashat comes because he's not learned he's not literate he's not sophisticated he's not intricate that's true but that has a purity that touches the core of everything beyond sophistication and that was of art that was a perspective that was had to teach this because it wasn't obvious yeah but i'll emphasize himself himself explains this i'll tell once you should understand even that even that should be in chabad that goofer should be understood so it could be internalized it it has to be explained because because yiddishkai does have a system and what happened at the time of the balsamic was the system was so worshipped which had tremendous advantages but anybody who didn't fit in felt like a loser the system broke down for so many besides for elite and externally too and externally too besides all that soros and the shrita's and sharp seats v so what had to happen was you had to reveal the the omega well sometimes revealed the mama them so that there's a whole uh well martial rabbi told us once when he was in moscow when he was in russia so he wanted to do a pesach cedar but he couldn't get a haggadah so he and his friends what did they get what they wanted to say that they wanted to say the text so where did they find the haggadah encyclopedia like we have exactly britannica they have a jewish encyclopedia in russia that was allowed in the communist country because even the computer wasn't allah so they took the encyclopedia and that's what they did the haggadah now does that if i go to my house today and i open up encyclopedia instead of i got there right or you can use a haggadah but you understand that what does it represent huh he'll find an encyclopedia and that's where he's going to read the haggadah from okay another sheer in a few minutes the next year is friday morning 7 45 not thursday friday this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyshiva.net donate