Eps 8. Strength from Within: Courage, Balance, and the Real Superwoman

Welcome to Good Vibes, the podcast that brings the timeless beauty of Asia Kyle into the rhythm of real life. Each week, we unpack one puzz, but as a spark for honest conversations, refreshing insights, and a little tower light you can carry with you. Because meeting shouldn't feel heavy. and connection doesn't have to wait for quiet. This is good vibes for the Jewish woman who's doing a lot and still reaching deeper. Hello everyone and welcome back. Today we're going to be speaking about pakress. I'm actually so excited to talk about this topic and this lesson because it just may be the most practical topic we've discussed so far. I would say practical and relevant or at least I feel like a broad spectrum of people are really going to relate to it. I think that it's just such a relatable topic for so many women wherever we find ourselves in life. So here we go. Okay. So states it's very interesting. The literal translation is that she girds her loins with might and strengthens her arm. Right? Like I said that's a little interesting. That's a little bit like what does that even mean? So we're going to explore it but at face value that's a very interesting which honestly it sounds like almost like just a description of something we are going to delve into it. So let's look at what loin girding and arm strengthening actually mean on a deeper level. So on this puzz so the brings down how the lash that he uses isma she overcomes and rises above by herself to continue doing what she needs to be done. That's the lashon that he uses that's the wording that he uses that she within herself finds the strength the mabaris comes from the lush of gura of strength she finds the courage and the strengths within herself to to overcome and to continue doing what she needs to do. Meaning this lushon of girds her loins and strengthens her arm is talking about how she has challenges. It's not that she doesn't. The isas kyle very much has challenges but she has it within herself her strength. She draws strength from herself draws courage and rises above and keeps pushing forward. The the malam says that this is in all aspects of life. Her home life her work life hernas life all aspects. The as Kyle is someone who has the strength within herself and has the tools and the self-awareness and the resources to be able to bring that strength forth and continue pushing forward, continue moving forward even when something hard comes her way, which inevitably something hard is going to come her way. I think this also teaches us that sometimes like the western world of like a wife is sitting at home and getting her nails done and drinking coffee, which I'm a big fan of coffee and nails. I'm not, you know, bashing that at all, but as if the wife, the western version of uh an Asia Kyle, quote unquote, doesn't have any challenges and everything comes easy to her. And we see from here so clearly like not only is that not true, she does have challenges and she has the strength to overcome these challenges and she has the courage within herself to rise above, to find the strength within herself to keep pushing forward. So with that deeper understanding of a seemingly strange act of girding loins and arm strengthening, we can now understand what this pusk is coming to teach us. The asyle taps into the power within herself, the strength, the resources, and she overcomes the challenges to keep moving forward. And like I said at the beginning, I think this is such a practical lesson, such a practical tool because we all do this. We all do this to some extent at one time or another. At times, we all put one foot in front of the other in front of the other just because that's what we need to do. And in many areas of our lives, we try to get out of this rut. We try to get out of it. And we're still going. And we're still going. We're putting one foot in front of the other, in front of the other, trying to find strength within ourselves to keep pushing forward, to keep moving forward. And we hope or we aim to at least try to shift from survival mode to thriving. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can't. I I feel like I guess it depends on the situation. But as women in whatever stage of life we are we're in, Hashem throws something our way that he believes we can overcome and he believes is part of our tough to overcome this and that we have it within ourselves to overcome it. And that's what we do. We go we find the strength within ourselves and we put again like I said we put one foot in front of the other. So luckily I have here with me Mrs. Brown to shed some light on this topic. This idea of courageously moving forward, the hardship in all areas of our lives and finding the strength within, locating that and having the ability to bring it out into our lives. So Mrs. Julie D'vorah Brown is a kala teacher, EFT practitioner, life coach, and proud mother of 11. Married for over 40 years. With warmth and wisdom, she helps Jewish married women who feel stuck in their relationships, reconnect to their own strength, and upgrade their marriages even when their husbands aren't actively on board. So, thank you so much, Julie Zavara, for being here with us. I'm so excited to hear what you have to share and add on this puzz. >> It is an honor to be here and uh let's get to it. >> Okay. Amazing. So maybe you can start off by telling us a bit about your thoughts on this topic in general. What do you think about it? How do you deal with this topic in your line of work and the women that come to you? >> It's a very very very good question. First of all, the point here that I think I need to mention is we don't need to be super women. And I think part of the problem is we go to either extreme. either we're going to be the superwoman or we're going to be I don't know I'm not talking bad about anybody. I'm just being a little bit um graphic depressed and stay in bed all day. In other words, like we go to either extreme. We don't know how to be in the middle and function on a in a balanced way. So, what I would like to say about with the women that I work with, I was thinking to myself, I'm so lucky. You know, the marriage that I have with my husband is quite nice. He's a really nice guy and uh I'm really lucky. So like why I'm in this line of work? It's not like I'm traumatized or anything and like oh I'm bouncing back and therefore I'm going to help the whole world. It's from the people that I see that I feel so bad that these women when they look at their marriages or their life in general it's kind of like >> so hard. It's really so so hard. I don't want anybody to have to feel that way about their lives at all. And yes there are hard things that are happening in our lives but we don't have to feel like it's a heavy burden. we can look at it like a challenge and halivi to be able to look at it like an opportunity. So basically if a woman comes and whether it's a student or whether it's a client and their perspective their perspective is basically what needs a little bit of an upgrade and I am going to very very um respectfully hold space for where that woman is right here and right now. And with that respect I'm going to help her respect herself where she is right here and right now. And I believe that through the recognizing and acknowledging where she's at without all the stories running in her mind and all the justifications and all the righteousness just to acknowledge right here, right now I feel confused, angry, sad, um, fearful, whatever it might be. I believe that's the opening to where she can then yes dip into her inner strength and her inner courage because that's what this puss is all about strength and courage O's and so it's something that that's what I end up doing I help them accept who they are and where they are and at the same time because of that they'll be able to tap into what they're really made of. I was meeting with a client just recently and uh we were saying you know life happens life is going to continue to happen. So even when things are wonderful and great rather than say to yourself oh when's the other shoe going to drop >> um to embrace and be grateful for what I do have. Now that's very clichéish and you can't tell that to somebody that's you know living in through a very difficult time right but we do we say please Hashem don't want to be we don't ask to be tested and of course we know we're going to be tested but we say we definitely ask Hashem don't test us and as you said in the intro we're going to have it it's going to happen in our life and as long as this is the point here as long as I recognize the strength that hash Shem has given me has made me according to his will and so the strength that I have and are very connected the connection that I have with the desires that I have in my life that I have to be connected to a bar gives me an awful lot of power awful lot of strength here I am I'm a human being and I've got lots of challenges in my life a lot I believe though that I'm also a very hopeful person and I think that's really helpful because I'm hopeful and I'm very non-judgmental. That's why I think those people that do come to me appreciate coming to me because I'm I'm not judgmental. I mean, I've got my judgments. Don't worry about that, girls. I've got my judgments, but there I'm not too judgmental. And I think that helps me with myself as well. >> So, when I look at life and I look at this puss, it is beautiful. It's you have the O's and you have the omit. You have the O's which is strength and you have the omits which is which is courage. Um a colleague of mine a wonderful woman named Miriam Esther Alman she has something called home runners or something. I'm not quite sure exactly what she calls it but she taught something to me that I thought was really beautiful that the word o in the is in the word as aerdo. So we are all called an azerdo. But don't make a mistake girls. You're not your husband's helper. He doesn't need your help. What? He doesn't need your help. No, no, no. He needs your encouragement. He needs you to energize him. And the word O's here and the word Azer here means that you can energize. So, let's go back to me as a person, I need to first know how to do that for myself. When I'm able to learn how to energize myself and when I'm able to find courage to be vulnerable with myself and with others, I believe that I can tap into what a kadesh bar is giving me as a woman specifically, which is this ability to with the pusk here that says that I'm able then take my life's challenges, events, opportunities, problems, >> and I'll be able to have what I need to keep going. Okay, there's so much to unpack. I'm so excited to to get into this. The first thing that you said that really caught my attention was how we don't need to be superwoman. And I think that is just whether you're in a stage of life right now where this is relatable to you or previously we all know this phrase of being a superwoman. And I think that we need to find the balance of it. That's really the key. Meaning and balance is going to look different for every woman. No, >> definitely. I agree with you. That's true. It's a personal thing, isn't it? >> It's a personal thing. And I think two things that come to mind. First of all, if it's such a personal thing, right? It's not just like a blueprint where I'm, you know, we're saying, okay, like buy pizza once a week for every wife to buy pizza once a week cuz that's not the same thing. Maybe one person needs three times easy supper and another person in her stage of life right now doesn't. It's a balance. It's different for every person. And I think that the only way to achieve that balance is being in touch with yourself and knowing who you are and being honest. And like you said, knowing where you are right now, knowing and saying, "I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared. And you know what? Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I have different emotions." And right now in this stage of life, I need pizza twice a week or I need more help or whatever it is and the balance that she can kind of concoct and create for herself. And I also think that we have this belief of like to be superwoman everything has to be perfect. The way I kind of see it and maybe superwoman isn't the right word but this balance to me is being superwoman. This balance of what right here and right now is my tough kid. What right here do I need to put my efforts into? What is the most important thing for me for my husband for my family? Then when if we have more khos then for kalisol right and once we take care of our home we can start thinking about we can start thinking about the community and when I find that balance and again it could be different from week to week from day to day depending on your life circumstances but when you find that balance that to me is like okay today I did my job as being superwoman not that everything was perfect not that everything was even great not that everything was great or not that everything was good the kids were tantruming supper was not happening laundry was not happening I was grumpy at times, but you know what? I did the best that I could in that moment to ground myself, try to get out of my funk and be the best wife and the best mom that I could be in that moment. Was it a great day? Maybe not. But it was my superwoman of today. It was my superwoman of right now. And hopefully maybe tomorrow is going to be better. But every day waking up and saying, I'm going to find my balance, whatever that is, and learning from my mistakes and moving forward. But that balance in my mind is being superwoman. Being superwoman is not being perfect, but being superwoman is finding this balance that as a from Jewish woman wife and mother is so hard. Our roles are constantly changing. Our roles and our responsibilities are it's so difficult. But that balance is like the gold. It's the superwoman in my eyes. >> You said it so beautifully. You really expressed yourself so so beautifully. And I mean ladies out there, can't you to relate to everything that Raali just said? Doesn't that mamish land? Doesn't it land in your heart and mind, heart and soul? >> And I think it's important a person really has the responsibility to themselves at the end of the day to be able to say, "I did good." >> And good enough. And it doesn't need to be perfect. Good enough is good. And sometimes I had I have a teacher in high school that would always say like, "Hashem is looking down and smiling at you." And it's like if I had this day and it was a hard day and like like I said, you know, things were just not happening. It was not a good day. I was in a bad mood, but I did my best and I tried and at the end of the day, the kids were safe, the kids were happy, the kids were secure, my husband was happy, my husband was safe, my husband was secure, I was doing the best that I could. So, Hashem's smiling down at me, even if it's not the greatest day, and maybe for, you know, next week I need to figure out a different technical setup. But that balance of, you know, every day trying to find that balance. Hashem is, you tell me, you're the expert. But I think that's what makes Hashem happy, trying every day to serve him in the best way that we could with that balance. >> Listen, I ain't no expert, lady. I'm not an expert. I'm just a little bit older than you. You know, I have I've been around. Um, but I will say that when you're in the thick of it, you really you deserve to give yourself a pat on the back as much as you can and whatever you might need from your husband or your children or your mom or your best friend. If you know you need something, then that makes you into a wise woman that you know how to give that to yourself. Again, I'm not speaking I do this when I speak to my students. >> I'm looking at you and I'm not saying you're some JAT, you know, Jewish American princess. You remember that girls many few a couple decades ago the you know that you know that's not we're not dealing with selfish women we're dealing with women >> that are coming into themselves. You are queens. We are princesses and we have to remember to own that about ourselves. And the way that you can fulfill your potential is to make sure that you have everything that you need. In the midbar listen to this all girls listen to this. in the midbar when we were going outside to collect the mun for our family. Do you know what you would receive from a kadesh bar who was a gift? I like to say it was your birthday and you go outside and you find this beautiful package with a beautiful bow on it. It says from a bar, happy birthday. And you open it up and you know what's there? You've got jewelry and makeup. What in the mid butter? We need a jewelry and makeup. Yes. Those are the those are the tools of a married woman. So, if you live on two floors, if you have a beautiful home and you have two floors, then I sure hope you have a broom upstairs and a broom downstairs because you need your tools. So, whatever those tools are, you have to figure that out. That's your privilege to figure out what you need in order to get yourself going every day and have the energy to energize others and have the courage to encourage others. So, how do you practically teach your the women that come to you to do this? Meaning, you know, first of all, I wonder if there's a difference between O's and utsma. I'm not I I don't know you maybe you can tell us, but regardless, even if we're not going to delve into that, how practically a woman comes to you and she doesn't feel like she can take care of her needs and she doesn't feel like she has the strength to keep going forward. So, how do you help her and coach her through? Maybe you can share with the audience some tips and perspectives and tools of okay I know that Hashem wants me to continue but how but what where do I even go from here? How do I find this internal strength? >> Right? So of course when you sit with a therapist or a practitioner each one has their tools that are in their toolbox. So I like to right away go to whether it's the belief that she has in her mind which is definitely causing her to have certain emotions in her body. So we try to center in on the emotions that are being generated because of the thoughts that she has. And once she can hopefully come to alleviate the intensity of the emotion that she's having, then her brain is back online and she'll be able to analyze that belief that she might have that is not serving her so much anymore. That's how we do the therapy that we do, how I work with her. Otherwise, it's just very important for her to stop and say, "Wait a second. Is there something that I can do that can help me? That's what I think. That's how I look at it. >> As you're speaking, I'm noticing that there's almost like two components of it. And please correct me if I'm mistaken. There's the from what I hear, the emotional, mental work, the therapeutic work if you will, where, like you were saying, the beliefs and the emotion to the beliefs feed off each other, which as you said that I was like that is mind-blowing. And I think that is so powerful and that our beliefs and the way that we selft talk channels into our emotions and then our emotions channel back into our beliefs and it becomes this like figure eight of and when you put a stop to the cycle when you don't like the cycle and you want to change it you change your beliefs you change your emotions you change your emotions you change your beliefs and it's a beautiful it's just it's so eye opening and I just wanted to touch on that for a minute but that's one aspect and then the other aspect is once we have that Let's see if there's something practically that we could do. Let's see if, you know, if you need more help, if you need more support, if you need more time for yourself, is there anything? I'm just throwing those out. You tell me if there if it's something else that you recommend. No, >> you've got it, Raeli. You've got it. You're momish. Spot on. That's what I'm saying. That every woman has to come to trust and believe that she knows what she needs. I want you to know the person that walks into my office, I want her to come to believe that there's something deep within her that that she knows is right, that she knows that is what she really needs. That to me, I believe that's message to us. Meaning, you believe that Hashem put it in every woman. Like, it's something that we innately know. It's almost intuitive. And the way that I'm thinking about is like sometimes like the smoke like covers it up and like all the stuff that are happening in our life are so you know might block it but really underneath it we know we can learn more about it and we can tap into it but we have it within ourselves to know what we need. Is that what you're >> definitely the there's one of the so we see that it's in plural there's so many different amazing things out there to teach us there's so many pieces of advice there's so many helpers out there but I'm the one that has to decide what's going to be best for me in my home >> oh that's so >> it has to be that way I don't have to be independent I grew up thinking independent meant you don't need anybody no I'm sorry that is not called being independent being independent means that I know how to stand on my on two feet and get what needs to be done from, you know, I'll say for my dollar amos. But the fact that I can be interdependent is also very important. I should be able to work with another person, >> right? >> Be super dependent. We grow out of that, God willing. We grow out of that when we're younger. We become independent. Then we become interdependent. >> Oh, that's beautiful. >> I believe that you, every one of you ladies that are listening here have to >> trust me, okay? Trust me. Trust me. >> I trust Julie D'Vor. >> It's within you. Yes, girls. It's within you. But what do you said the great word you said the word funk, right? All the funk. Yeah. Not a word for my generation. It's really I love it. But there's a lot of funk, you know, and if we can figure out how to get through the smoke, then we'll be able to see something more clearly. So what is the smoke? The smoke certain thoughts that I keep having repetitively. It's the story that I'm telling myself. And the story that I tell myself could be modified if I'm able to, but sometimes so quickly it causes me to have an emotion that I'm stuck. I'm in that emotional rage. whether it's whatever emotion it might be and then I'm going to behave a certain way. Right? So at one point it's up to me to make a shift. Either I act differently, I think differently or I on purpose feel differently. Something I have to do to break that cycle. And then I believe I'm going to come to a deep knowing. It has to be that way. Das a deep knowing of who I am and what I need. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to call up and say, "Mom, what would you do?" You know, it doesn't mean I'm going to cry to my husband and say, "Husband, I can't get it together. What can we do together? Can we work it out?" >> Right. Right. I think it's such a beautiful, you know, we hear this verse of bin. And when you're under the you get bina and sometimes I like say like, "Oh, my bina, you know, this is what I think is best." Almost like as a joke, but really you this, you're tapping into this bina. Hashem gave us bina. Hashem gave us wives and mothers bin Sarah to be able to build our home, grow our home, nurture our home in the best way. And we have that like as I'm saying that, as you're telling me that, like it's such an encouraging, empowering like almost like backbone like, oh, Hashem trusts me. Hashem gave me this bina to say I don't need to ask for help. Not to say I don't need advice. Not to say that we don't ask when when you know when something comes up, but Hashem put this within me. And I think that that's the part that connects so nicely to the this puk of this inner strength like the mats was saying it's comes from within from herself msabaris of this strength this courage that comes up it's within us it's the bina it's the strength within us the knowing within us and sometimes like you said we have the thoughts we have the emotions we have the actions and those are all so interrelated and one feeds into another and I believe that different women will connect to either changing the emotion more, changing the thought more, changing the action more, meaning depends on the situation, but it's a kind of this trifecta of our emotions, beliefs, and our actions relate so nicely together. And they really can relate so nicely together when we, like you said, clear the smoke and we stop the negative cycle and then, you know, hopefully tap into our bina and find the strength within, find the knowledge of what to do and the strength within. And I want to ask one more thing which again I think is going to hopefully help people listening. Are there times in our lives where we are we're on survival mode and yes we can work on this and yes we can try to make it into thriving but like are there times where it's just we're just we're in survival right now and that's just where Hashem put us and hopefully it's not going to last for months and years but right now this is I'm putting one foot in front of the other. I'm getting up. I'm taking care of my family. I'm trying. I'm definitely trying. But where does survival mode, you know, kind of fall into this? >> So, you're saying a very important thing because I do remember those years. My youngest is 20, married, thank God. So, I do remember those years that, you know, you want to wake them up to send them off to school and you want them to come home again just to put them back to bed again. That idea, you know, busy everything. I was never working outside of the home. So, I cannot speak to any woman that's working, you know, the nineto-five, right? >> But I was a full-time, you know, mom all those years. And it's a lot of work and it's just like yeah survival mode. So I want to just add something to this survival mode thing that I believe it's very important. I'm going to start with marriage now. I hope and I don't know how many of your listeners are actually married. If you are so then you'll be able to take this lesson home. When you can work on and deeply connect with work on the relationship with your husband and learn what it means to deeply connect with your husband whether it's spiritually, emotionally or physically. I believe that's where a woman can reset all of her batteries and get everything that she needs so she can yes meet another day of survival. I hate to say that it's called survival. Yes, there are times of survival but you're going to get wiped out. You cannot stay in survival. We know from a physical sense when we have our nervous system is turned on. You know it's going to get wiped out. It's going to get exhausted. >> It's not sustainable. >> Very well said. Good for you. It's not sustainable to stay in survival. So, we do not want that, right? We want to find some sense of stability, cope, and hope. I like the hope point very >> I think that there's times of our lives where we're coping and then it can lead to hoping and then it can lead to thriving. >> Right. Beautifully said. Yeah, coping also is very empowering. You know, just surviving is kind of like, you know, you get another breath. When I'm coping, I'm on top of things. I'm managing, right? So yeah, I think we have to learn to be managers which means that we're on top of the wave. We're not being you know pulled under. I want to add one more thing if I could if you don't mind about so let me add a little point about in the Torah says when created there Rashi says what you say that when he created it uses the word and we get from that and there's been if I'm not mistaken says there we have two mitzvah in our life that we have to be almost like born with your sham in order to be able to do those mitzvah and kash. Just think about it. There's no mash breathing down our neck in either one of these two things. We're trusted with these two things. So, I'd like to add this idea of your sham which has always helped me in my life from the lush of seeing. I see Hashem in my life. I am aware of his presence. When I live my life with my husband and my children, knowing that Hashem is in my home with me, I look at it like, "Wow, of course I'm going to have strength. Of course, I'm going to have hope. Hashem is right there with me. He's our partner. So, I don't have to lose hope or lose strength because Hashem is right there with me." >> That's so nice. That's so encouraging to me to hear that. So, thank you for sharing that. Okay. I am so grateful that you came on and shared your wisdom with us. Thank you for enlightening us on this topic of how to find strength, the steps to find strength, and that we all really have it within ourselves. If you would like to connect with Julie D'vorah, hear from her. She is also the author of Messages from Julie D'vorah, a beloved weekly email corresponding to the para filled with insight, heart, and inspiration. You can sign up for that at www.julie'vorabbr.com. That is d'vorah with an e and without an h. julie d'vorah brown.com. And feel free to connect with her via email at julie d'vorah browngmail.com. Thank you so so much Julie D'vorah for being on. I have learned a tremendous amount and I hope everybody listening also does. It was so amazing getting to know you. So thank you so much. >> This was a treat. Continue to do these wonderful things. Right. She's terrific everybody. but doing for us is really great. Keep up the good work. >> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for joining us. Please reach out and email us with any questions or thoughts. We would love to hear from you. Stay tuned for some more good vibes.