Eps 16. More Than This World: Finding Meaning in Everyday Life (feat. Rebbetzin Aviva Feiner)

Welcome [music] to Good Vibes, the podcast that brings the timeless beauty of Aishes Chayil into the rhythm of real life. Each week we [music] unpack one possuk. Not as a sheer, but as a spark for honest conversations, refreshing insights, [music] and a little Torah light you can carry with you. Because meaning shouldn't feel heavy, and connection doesn't have to wait for quiet. This is Good Vibes, for the Jewish woman who's doing a lot and still reaching deeper. Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Good Vibes podcast. So, today we are actually up to possuk ayin. I can't believe that we've made it all the way to possuk ayin. It's really a long time coming, baruch Hashem. So, possuk ayin says, "Oz v'hadar levushah, vatischak l'yom acharon." Which translates loosely somewhat to, "She is clothed with strength and splendor." Oz v'hadar, strength and splendor. And she looks to the future cheerfully, or she will be happy laugh on her last day. V'tischak l'yom acharon, tischak is laugh and happy, l'yom acharon is last day. So, for this episode we are going to talk about the second half of the possuk. So, on these words, "V'tischak l'yom acharon," Rashi brings down and says, I'm going to quote it, I'm going to quote it in English. "They need not grieve over the day of judgment because they will be saved from it and all the days of their life they will rejoice at the day of judgment." Meaning, an Aishes Chayil, well in this case what we're talking about, an Aishes Chayil does not need to grieve over the day of judgment, Yom Hadin, the day that she will die and stand before Melech Malchei Hamlachim, the day that she's going to stand in front of Kisei Hakavod, because she's going to be saved from it. And all the days of her life she's going to rejoice at the idea of Yom Hadin, the idea of standing before Hashem. Now, meaning she's not afraid of Yom Hadin. Rashi's telling us she's not afraid of Yom Hadin. She's She's not afraid of standing before the Kisei Hakavod on her last day. Why? Because she's going to be saved from it. Because she will be saved. She almost greets her Yom Hadin, her death day, with laughter, with simcha. Why? Because she lived her life with this goal in mind. She lived her life She treated Olam Hazeh as just as a hallway to the next world. She lived her life with the right priorities and the right values. So, when she stands in front of Hakadosh Baruchu, she's smiling and laughing. And her whole life she's smiling and laughing because she knows that she's going to reap the reward on her last day. She doesn't need to worry. Those who don't need to worry to face Hashem must be the ones who live their life with the proper kavanos. So, when I hear this pasuk and when I think about this concept of the tzaddik choleh umacharon, like Rashi's telling us that an Eishes Chayil is really living her life in a way that she does not need to be fearful of dying. She's living her life day in and day out with the proper with thinking about the future, with thinking about Olam Haba, with thinking about what does Hashem want for me here and now every single day. So, on her last day, on the day of her death, after 120, im yirtzeh Hashem, when the Eishes Chayil is before Hashem, she's full of I almost imagine like her mouth is full of laughter. Her She's full of simcha. She's ready to face Hashem. She's ready to reap the rewards of her life. Now, actually, this concept brings something to mind. This idea of the Eishes Chayil not worrying about what's to come really reminds me of a story that I actually heard in seminary. And it's in it's in Medrash Koheles Rabbah. So, it's really like a Medrash that I remember hearing a long time ago and still really is something that I think about constantly. And I want to share it with you. And it really touches on this point. So, there's a fox and he sees a vineyard. And the vineyard has a fence around it, but there's a tiny little hole underneath one of the fences that he thinks maybe he could fit in. He tries to fit in and he can't fit in, but he really wants those grapes. So, he fasts for 3 days until he's weak and thin and he can shimmy his way underneath the fence. He gets ints into the fence and for 3 days he's eating the grapes and eating the grapes and eating the grapes and oh, they're so delicious. They're the best grapes he's ever had in his whole life. And then he's trying to go out of the vineyard, but he can't because he's too fat to fit underneath. So, again, he fasts for 3 days until he could fit through that hole to go out of the vineyard. Now, if we were looking at this fox, what would we tell him? We would tell him, "You silly fox, take these grapes and throw them over the fence so that you'll have them where you actually want to be. Then you won't be stuck inside this vineyard, this fence, this gated off vineyard." Karem karem aval chamasukim aval mai achani lan. Your vineyard this vineyard karem karem your fruit your grapes are so sweet. But what good do they do for us? What good do they do for us? And this is a a mashal the nimshal is that the vineyard the enclosed place is olam haba and outside the vineyard is olam haba. And what the moral of the story is instead of the fox eating all of his grapes inside olam haba, take these grapes and throw them over to the next world. Throw them over past the vineyard so that you have them to reap in the next world. And that really is what an eishes chayil is. That's really what we're learning from this pasuk from this rashi that her whole life is for the next world. Her whole priorities, her perspective is all for the next world. She is in the story taking the grapes and throwing them over the fence so she has those treasures waiting for her on the her last day. And that's why she's going to be so happy on her last day, because she's going to have all these beautiful, wonderful grapes, {quote unquote} these mitzvahs. This mysterious nefesh, all of her life's work is going to be waiting for her there. So, today I want to take the opportunity to discuss this further, this idea of living our lives day in day out practically having olam haba in our minds, having a higher purpose in our minds, thinking what does Hashem want from me? So, that we too can learn from the Aishes Chayil and we too could strive to be the tischak le'yom acharon, laughing until our last day where we'll have benefits to to reap. So, how can we learn from this on our level? How can we apply this practically into our lives? What tools can we use on a daily basis to implement these thoughts in our lives? This idea of always living for the next world, throwing over our grapes, our treasures for the next world. How do we do that in the daily grind? So, luckily, today we have on Rebbetzin Aviva Finer with us today to shed some light on this topic. Rebbetzin Finer is a native of Riverdale and she lived in Yerushalayim for many years. She has been involved with girls and women's Jewish education for over 30 years and she's currently a menaheles at TAG High School and a guest lecturer at Stern College for women. She's a regular contributor to Mishpacha Magazine's Family Firsts Family Fundamentals column. She's also the beloved Rebbetzin of the renowned White Shul in Far Rockaway. She is regularly invited to lecture worldwide as well as at various conventions. Many of her lectures can be found on Torah Anytime. Her passion and talent for teaching have been recognized by Jewish communities at large. Thank you, Rebbetzin Finer, so much for being here and taking the time to be here. Welcome to the Good Vibes podcast and thanks for coming on. >> Thank you, Rochel. It's exciting to be here. >> So, maybe you can start by telling us what you think of this idea, this concept that the Aishes Chayil is thinking ahead, is making sure that she's living her life with the perspective and the purpose of Olam Haba, of serving Hashem to her fullest so that when she gets to the Kisei Hakavod after 120, she has treasures waiting there for her. How do we implement this in our lives? >> So, I think that we have a duality going on in Aishes Chayil. We have more than a duality going on in Aishes Chayil because we always have the Aishes Chayil being something that's referring to the woman, the Aishes Chayil, and we have the Aishes Chayil being something that really is talking about just the middos that anybody has in life and using the Aishes Chayil as that example. So, I think that I'm going to start with general, if that's okay, like who would you is and then attach it to the Aishes Chayil. I really when I thought of this and again, this is I didn't have a chance to check with my husband because sometimes I'll say, "Wow, that's mamash emes." But, I think there's there can't be any risk in saying this because when I think of bat tischak, that that lashon of bat tischak, of the abandoned happiness, you know, that that sense of it's more than simcha, it's the it's a fullness of happiness. We have that also in our Shir Hamaalos kuf kuf vav where we say, "Az yimalei s'chok pinu." That when Mashiach comes, we'll have s'chok. And I think that there's very much a connection between being a person who is Olam Haba oriented and and Mashiach oriented. And that is what we are as the Jewish people. We believe in something bigger, we believe in something greater. In fact, a story that I love to quote is a story about the Lubavitcher Rebbe who not the Lubavitcher Rebbe who's buried here in in Queens, actually not too far from my house, but what they call the Friediker Rebbe, his father-in-law, that he was once he had for many years been teaching Torah already in what was considered communist Russia and at one point soldiers stormed his house where he was learning and teaching and everybody ran out and he just continued very serenely to be learning at his table. And the soldier came and put a gun to his head. I actually heard this on a tape, if I can date this experience, on a tape from Rabbi Freiwaxman I heard this story I think at least 25 30 years ago and that the soldier put a gun to his head and he kept learning. And the soldier, you know, said to him, "Rabbi aren't you afraid?" And he responded to him, "That little toy doesn't scare me. That toy scares someone who has two gods and one world. But I have one God and two worlds." A Jew lives with the reality that there are two worlds. That there's something bigger. And there's something greater. And my avodah is to know that I'm making myself the best person for that next world and that I'm going to do that as best as I can. I actually took a quote here that I've been teaching a lot of the Torah of Rabbi Shimon Schwab, zatzal. And I find it very relevant and very human. And in talking about the Krias Shema he says that he would like to suggest an additional meaning of uvochoma odecha which means literally of all your possessions. But he says you should love God with all your very muchness, which I just like that expression. All your very muchness. This would refer to the extra talents or abilities which Hakadosh Baruch Hu has given a person me'od. More than that which he has given to other people. Examples would be utilizing one's great intelligence or musical artistic ability or building skills to demonstrate his love for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So that the concept of knowing that who I am and what Hashem made me and everything that's in my life, I'm living for a higher purpose. And that really is the cognizance of a Jew every day. That I'm living for a higher purpose, sh'lo asani goi. You made me part of klal Yisrael. And I'm living for a higher purpose, v'chayainu v'kayamenu l'olam haba. And the reality continues to exist l'olam haba in everything I do. >> Um an additional meaning of b'chol midah is found in the Mishna, b'chol midah umida sh'modeh l'chaviv umodeh lo. For every measure which is um the Gemara Brachot, for every measure which he meets out to you, be thankful to him. Rashi in Devarim renders this dictum, b'chol midah sh'modeh l'chaviv bein b'midah tovah bein b'midah ra'ah nis, meaning we are to love Hakadosh Baruch Hu regardless of which measure he assigns to us, to be good measure that a good measure or one that involves punishment. That we have to be mekabel to know that we with whatever Hashem gives us, we're going to serve be it chesed, be it gifts, we are going to serve him and we're going to serve him for our whole lives and we're going to be confident that if I did that, that if I used what Hashem gave me in my life as best as I could, then I'm confident that things will be good for me l'olam haba. And that I live with that reality. I live with that consciousness all the time. And that gives me the ability constantly to be happy. And that's really who we are as klal Yisrael, b'tis'chaki l'yom acharon is like she's like laughing to the last day. I recently returned from Eretz Yisrael. I I'm I had a nice that I was able to go for four days and actually right before I left, I I actually didn't tell anybody I was going because I really didn't think I would, but I did. And the first thing I noticed in the airport when I when we came out of the plane and we walked towards that circle, you know, when you come off the plane and then you walk a little bit in the airport and then you oversee the the circle of all the people who are leaving, it was full. In Klal Yisrael, when I went to Yerushalayim, the Kosel was full. And the cafes are full. And we are one stubbornly happy people. It's really true. Baruch Hashem. And that bitachon in Hakadosh Baruchu, that this is what we need to go through and I'm going to take what I'm going through with the confidence that as long as I'm using it to the best of my ability, as long as I'm doing as best as I can, then this is what's going to give you nachas, then that's what I'm going to do. And I know that right now it's hard, but az yishmachu chokrei finu, there's a land, there's a place, there's a time for every individual person l'olam haba, for Klal Yisrael, for Bi'at Hamashiach. Rabbi Chaim Vital says that looking at our pasuk itself, that oz v'hadar l'vusha v'tis'chak l'yom acharon, that the the oz and the hadar refer to what kind of clothing. And that you sometimes have clothing that's very beautiful, that has hadar, and it's made, he says, of meshi v'zahav v'rikma, it's silk and it's gold and it's woven, but it can get damaged very easily. And at the same time, you could have bigdei krav, you could have war clothing of warfare that's tough and endures, but it's ugly, it's not pretty, it's nothing attractive. And that the Torah and mitzvos that a Yid accomplishes in life are not only beautiful, but are also strong. And it's with those kind of clothing that we can confidently go to Olam Haba, and he actually quotes here one of our favorites, miros, which is Yona Matza b'fi Noach, which was written by you Yehuda Halevi. And he says that is why I'm Rabbi Judah Halevi actually quotes this it's a positive from Eov. That there the people who are tired will rest in all of them above that that this life is tiring. And we have to put a lot of effort into serving Hakadosh Baruchu each day of our lives and serving him with Simcha. But in that world the Sadiqim will be Smeichim on that last when in that world to come. They'll be happy. They'll be happy that they're there. And that's the most Mashiach. We actually it's not I don't know when this is being posted. But we didn't have our Seder that long ago. 31 days in the Omer now. And and we say on the Seder night our Achman Yanti and Yam Shekulo Tova Shem should give us a day that's all good. Yam Shekulo Aruch. A day that is all long meaning bring us to Olam Haba Yemos Mashiach Yam She Sadiqim Yoshvim. Batarotzeihem Baroshehem that that Sadiqim are sitting with their crowns on their heads. Simcha Kelenu Mahem let's be with them. What a happy place. What a happy place it is for a person who chose Hakadosh Baruchu in this world. And chose to be Mefayer Umromem Umgadel his name in this world. How happy they will be in a world of Emes where that's all it's all about. And they'll be so proud to be there. And that's really the role of every Jew every day of their lives in everything they do. And that's really very special. But now I want to go back to the to the woman. To the woman. And I think that really this parallel works. The woman has a lot in her life. I like to say that Eishes Chayil refers to a very busy woman. Racheli you're learning any of you been studying line by line this Eishes Chayil I like to call it her busy hands. How many times her hands are mentioned here? >> Yeah. >> And all the different things that she's doing. >> Mhm. >> And and she lives with that confidence of knowing that she's living for that that higher purpose. And that I I actually saw that that a lot of them are fashion connect this line to to the to the possuk from Tehillim Mem Hey Gimmel Aleph K'chudah Bas Melech P'nimah Mishb'tzos Zahav L'vushah. That the kavod of a Bas Melech is inside. >> L O L >> And she wears golden raiments. I don't even know what raiments are, but so that we have, you know, two allegories here. She wears golden raiments. And that's in the possuk in Tehillim. And HaMelech Dovid HaMelech and HaMelech tells us that she's wearing oz and hadar. And that either one could really be referring to the clothing that she wears. That she is a regal and royal woman. And that that really is how a a initial woman conducts her life. That when she walks outside, she looks like somebody who is a Bas Melech. She looks clean, she looks neat, she looks royal, she looks regal. Which is obviously the very fine tightrope of fine and good and royal and regal and tzanuah at the same time. What she is both supposed to be. >> And that and that she is oh, she does wear oz and hadar. And and she knows that tistakli l'machar. That she is representing somebody who's going to that world of emes where there's no body to wear clothing anymore. But that she used the body that Hashem gave her in this world to be royal and regal and represent Malchus Shamayim. A beautiful My husband actually gave me like a Likutei Sichos on Aishes Chayil. And I see from a Yom Tov which I don't know who that really is, but he says something very interesting that called food of a smell of panima that even though she has beautiful clothing and she has beautiful things she doesn't show them off to everybody. That she's strong in what she does with them and she's strong in where she takes them and she's strong in who sees her beautiful things. An example that that I really used and looked for this the book, but I can tell you that I read it many times. There was a woman in this neighborhood whose name was Mrs. Schunkoff one of the frocha. She was a survivor of the Holocaust. She left she had one son before the war and people were her was her only son. But she has tremendous equals in a huge mishpacha from that one son who should live long and good. And in her memoirs she talks about I wanted to look up what her maiden name was, but I don't have it. I couldn't find the memoir. She talks about how in Europe prior to the war she had been a very wealthy woman and her father was a very wealthy businessman and that he once went traveling and she was one of many of a number of sisters and they were all very tall, beautiful girls and he brought back mink stoles for them which is like a scarf and they had a huge house with a lot of land and he told them that this is to be worn only on our property which I think is a value that is almost absent in our world today that just shows everything off. But that that the old that she has a perspective of the beautiful things that she has or of her own beauty of where it belongs and what she should do with it and she's confident that she used it properly so she can move to the next world. the Tislach Li Amachrum. She's happy for that next world. And I think to make it a little more practical, and that's a value that we all can try to appreciate somewhere, somehow in our lives that not everything beautiful that we have is shown off because we're strong in what we have, in our beauty, and that it isn't meant to be shown off, but also that Oz V'Hadar V'Haprusha that she wears Oz and Hadar, and I actually want to find I have a few books open here that Oz and Hadar are details are names that we actually give Hakadosh Baruchu. Okay? If we look at our davening, and we look at Hodu, which is something we say very often, we have two lines pretty close to one another. One is Hod V'Hadar Lifanav. Oz V'Chedvah Bimkomo. And Rav Schwab understands this Hod and Hadar, glory that Hod is glory, and Oz is might, and that these are midos of Hakadosh Baruchu. And Rav Schwab in his commentary on these words actually says, "Do not look for dignity or beauty from any source anymore, for these attributes are only Hakadosh Baruchu's." Historically, people who aspired to satisfy their intellectual capacity or their artistic ability were drawn to various forms of religious worship. This mizmor, we tell the world, "All of your intellectual religious yearnings and de- sires can be satisfied by coming Lifanav." All the glory in the world only comes from serving Hakadosh Baruchu. Oz V'Chedvah Bimkomo. Might is his. The honor and power in world affairs, which you, the combined family and nations, the superpowers have considered as yours, actually belongs to Hakadosh Baruchu. I think if these times we really realize this more than ever, right? Is it Trump? Is it this one? Is it that one? Is it Iran? Is it who? Is it Netanyahu? Is it It's really all the Oz in the world belong to Hakadosh Baruchu. And that the Aishes Chayil lives with that reality. Lives with that reality that in terms of her life she very much encompasses many of the middos of Hakadosh Baruchu in that even though she does not have the mitzvah of asiyah as a man or a woman of the man she does keep many of them. And at the same time she's very involved in intimate things that really very much reflect the middos of Hakadosh Baruchu. In that when a wife, when a mother tends to a child who cannot help themselves or even children who can't help themselves but helps them anyway that is mahu afatah. It's caring and giving and caring in such a great way. And that oz and hadar so so that she is very much connected to the glory and strength that is Hakadosh Baruchu in this world that he is that only Hakadosh Baruchu really is. But she echoes that in her avodah. And that she lives with the knowledge of knowing that her avodah as a woman is godly. And that she is confident as she moves to the next world. That's who she is. And I think that we all are always balancing in our lives. And that's something we need to make a bigger consciousness all the time. Everything that we do should be serving Hakadosh Baruchu. And if it doesn't serve Hakadosh Baruchu then we shouldn't be doing it. Now, a lot of our physical things we might think that doesn't serve Hakadosh Baruchu. But I I I would use something just because I want to you want practical. A woman who exercises so that she can be healthy, so that she can be attractive to her husband is serving Hakadosh Baruchu in that exercising. A woman and that's always the of this world. A woman who exercises because she wants her body to be the best so she can wear the tightest clothing, so she can show it off to everybody else. Is taking what gave her and to quote the gone, it's like a golden nose ring in the nose of a pig. So that the Jewish woman should realize and know every piece of her order connects to something higher and lofty. The world is like a call he feeds all. The world is bringing us into this world and gives us and we bring children into this world. The enables us to live and to be strong and we give and feed and clean and tend to that others are well and strong. It's really very much part and parcel of the world and not to lose sight of that reality. You know, there's there are very often young women who complain, you know, I I I don't know the last time I saw my sitter. I don't know, you know, the last time I heard a sheer, whatever it might be. You weren't listening to this podcast. But whatever it might be and and that she just needs to remind herself that that this is her world. Her world is doing and being just like we will have to according to what we said earlier. If this is what gave her now, it's from that place that she's going to be doing and that she she's living in this world. This is the world. His world is that you're running to the world. His world is that you're doing whatever you need to do right now and that I I the shasanis and if I live shasanis that it's with that reality of knowing that I'm living what's on a sham. And I quote my husband's book which leads to I love this little vignette friend of my husband's told him told him that he met with three. And his 10 year old son was with him and his 10 year old son had the audacity to say Rabbi can I ask you a question? So he asked him. Rabbi what do you think about when you're not learning or davening? And and Rabbi answered. I'm just thinking what my husband what is the sham want for me now? And and that's really. How we're we're meant to live our lives. What does a sham want from me now? And with that confidence. That is if I live with that reality. If I make that shekel with O's and hot jar. With strength and with glory and beauty. I can be confident. And really I think that. You know a sham wants a mesa. I think that's what every Jewish home needs to have. A Jewish home should be strong. It should be a fortress. It should be a place where kadusha is incubated. And from that place it will spread. And that the woman she is the safa bias. She's the gatekeeper. Of what comes in and what goes out and what's in her house. And at the same time her house is hot jar. >> Thank you so much. For sharing that and something that keeps on coming to mind from everything that you shared is how you shared that O's and hot jar could be like Torah and mitzvahs. As if we're wearing Torah and mitzvahs and that's why we're going to tis hot little maharon and when we wear. Torah and mitzvahs so then we are living life the way that we're intended to and we'll laugh on our last day. And it just it just making an impression on me thinking like our love wash our clothing is something that's so physical that's so physically tangible. And if we really envision wrapping ourselves, clothing ourselves with Torah and mitzvot, so of course we're going to with and something that just is keeps on coming up for me when I'm thinking about what you were saying. So thank you so much for sharing all of that. >> Right. And you know, thank you, Raquela. I think we need to be reminded that you call my selfish and that even if we're not at the point or stage in life where we are actually doing practical Torah and mitzvot all the time, if everything we're doing is the same as mine, that is Torah and mitzvot. And that is the I mean, if you read through the and everything she's doing, is she's in business, she's getting up early, she's going to sleep late, she's involved in a lot of very material things, but it's with and and it's all the same as mine. So I'm home. And there are actual mitzvot and actual Torah in there more and more, whatever we can do. But yes, that's what we wear every day of our lives. That's what every wants to take with them to that final day. >> Wow. Well, thank you so, so much Finer for coming on. And thank you all for joining us. Please reach out if you have any questions or thoughts. We would love to hear from you and stay tuned for some more good vibes. Thank you. >> Mhm.