Episode 11: "Good Income, Still Struggling? Take Action, Build Confidence & Control Your Success!"

meaning that send the children to school they have to pay the highest tuition because they make so much money most people make the decision based of uh based on fear but once you develop this type of mindset of being intentional of what you're doing it affects every aspect of your life US Embassy in Colombia cancelled see you bye now you come run after me however it is important to recognize that Donald Trump is able to be Donald Trump because he's developed this confidence over the course of many decades I'm not changing anybody's life I'm not changing anybody I'm helping them bring out what's inside of [Music] them hello how you doing how you doing today I'm doing delightful how are you I'm doing very good and I I want you to if you can share again on the air you just mentioned to me that you saw a post of me that uh it's not an uncommon scenario so talk about it for a minute yeah you were just talking about the situation where the fellow who's earning 300 grand um and is still living paycheck by paycheck now you know spgr does sound like a lot in reality if you're living in in New York and you know that that's probably about what you need to earn to just get by but still you know I your your point was is that it you you should be past the point of doing paycheck by paycheck at that stage and I I think I think you're absolutely right but what I was pointing out was it's it's not an uncommon scenario it's not an uncommon situation to hear people you know who are in this situation we get so caught up with with just trying to pay the bills and just trying to maintain our lifestyle we don't get intentional about just sitting down and saying okay ad can I need to get a bit more in control of the situation you know which is I think a statement about life in general we all kind of fall into life's the cycle of life and not and not intentional about where we really want to be uh but particularly in finances it's it's very acute because that's where you really feel the pain I agree um but I'll tell you what I always say that the worst people in America are the people who making about2 $300,000 a year because people who make little at least they can have some government assistants um people who you know people who make $2 $300,000 a year they have to pay so much in taxes and so much in uh and and the the wealthy guy also in the school system so meaning they send the children to school they have to pay the highest tuition because they make so much money and then you know it's it's a the biggest Rus I'm telling you you need you need if you if you want to be 100% uh you know if you want to be able to afford your Al normally below $5 $600,000 a year is very difficult I'm talking with the family with children um if you make $300,000 a year you still have to be very frugal in order for you to make it in the long term for sure for sure but it can be done I mean I think that's the point you're making is that there's no situation that cannot be rectified and can't be sorted but you have to be intentional about it you have to decide listen if if the gave gave you this situation that means it can be done I I find it too much too many people are rather interested in in reasons why they are Justified you know I'm sorry I'm going to use the word loser they're not Losers of course but a Justified loser meaning a Justified failure or a Justified unfortunate situation they would rather find the people who are to blame for it than to find the solution and and I think that's the point that I was making in that post you know LinkedIn and and and I for a very it it I'm getting now more messages than I ever got people email me about their situation about uh you know after reading the book and and they find themselves in certain the book is meant to be information for some people but for most people it's a wake up goal and they find themselves in a certain situation where they feel I speak to them so when when somebody in a situation when they feel that I speak to them they have two options one is to ignore it and say that X doesn't know what he's talking about and one is to consciously think is this me is this something maybe that I need to improve that I need to do something better in order for me not to be another statistic or another story and that's the reason I get a lot of emails lately and this is you know I'm just saying it because not everybody saw the post it was on LinkedIn so that's why I'm saying it that um somebody is emailing that he's making $300,000 a year and they can't afford you know a whole list of issues can a a you know quite a few children also and he can't afford his budget and and I'm talking about about it in LinkedIn you know I wake up you know it's something that you have to you know start start taking responsibility yeah no and this has always been your your your main focus um you know since I've known you has always been like you know take control be intentional it's it's you absolutely find Solutions let's put it this way it's very easy to say this is B this is what what what meant to be but that's not what you should do of course if you if you see yourself that something happened and nothing you can do of course that was the The Roots inm and and keep going but if you still have a s a an opportunity to change if you still have an opportunity what you to do something to improve this is your to think about what can you do to improve the situation and know that by isem you're going to succeed and you you shouldn't you should most people make the decision based of based on fear Don't Be Afraid don't be afraid you should know that wants you to succeed and go do whatever is in your power whever you have in your hands knowing that you don't have anything don't be you don't have anything to fear right and I I think this comes up throughout the show but I think it's worth mentioning again which is it's not only are you going to find success financially but once you develop this type of mindset of being intentional of what you're doing it affects every aspect of your life you become a better parent you become a better employee or employer or or entrepreneur whatever the moment you develop an an intentional mindset you you automatically see how that bleeds into every aspect of your life and and you know and and finan is a good starting point because it's finite it's something that's you know it's it's something that you can handle you it's Quant it's quantifiable whereas a lot of other areas of our life are much more gray but once you develop that mindset it affects every aspect of your life so all I'm getting at and I know it's come up throughout the show but it's just worth repeating over and over again is it doesn't just stop with finances it it starts with finances and and it and it and it it it affects every aspect of your life Absolut you know something I wanted to share with you I wanted to share with you I got a message from somebody yesterday um I don't want to say too much details for confidentiality of course but I'm going to try to mix up a little bit of information a guy sends me a message and says how can I ask something from schulen frma because he listened to the to one of the podcast and he thinks sh Freeman has the answer for him so I told him send me an email and I'll make sure to bring it up on the podcast so he asked like this he is working as a salesperson in in a company somewhere for many many years you know more than 10 years let's put it this way and he's earning a beautiful income but what's what's happening is that through certain certain situations the company shifted owners and whatever happened and and and the it ended up in a situation that he's earning more money than his than his employer and it's very difficult for his employer to to see such a thing but he knows what he put into this business for the last I don't know how many years and he's working very hard in the business and he starts getting scared who knows if I have a future in this business maybe I have to leave because you know I'm very limited how much I can make if you know if if I know that my my employer has a IR TOA on me and he knows that you know I I I I get I deserve what I get and I have no issue but if I know that that something like that can happen that he's one day going to come you know he's going to come maybe with an attitude of G you know not me and not you um maybe it's something that he has to consider leaving so he asks me such a question that I should ask it from schul frma okay well I'm very honored that that someone wants to ask me a question um but I I think my general approach with any dilemma is to First identify okay so we know where you are now we know the situation but where is it that you want to be what what do you want the situation to be like you know and looking down the road how what would be the ideal situation whether that means staying within your present position and coming to some type of arrangement where the the threat or concern doesn't exist or maybe it means it is tet time to move on but that has to be clear where do I want to be and then as we spoke about last time reverse engineer so then we know where you are now we know where you want to be let's discuss what obstacles are getting in the way to get there and identify the problems the issues that have to be addressed let's identify the resources that you have to indeed address them and then let's make a work plan of how to actually Implement that but again it it's about identifying first recognizing where the the situation for what it is and understanding you know if it's workable if it's not workable you have to know which will then determine your ultimate goal of of where you end up seeing yourself again but with that in mind of course there's going to be obstacles in the way so let's identify those obstacles and and analyze them and figure out what we have to do and what resources do you have to make that work and then create a plan to implement that I mean I think that that that's that's generally the tried and proven method when dealing with any dilemma and it's it's just it's a very simple four-step process but it's that key to intentionality that you're always talking about you know the importance is to take control take ownership of the situation and don't allow it to take control of you okay I I think you said it very well but I want to elaborate a little bit on a few things that you said and um and by the way I'm not going into any political uh conversations here but I think one of the reason I love when Trump becomes president I loved it eight years ago and I love it even more now and and besides besides the policies let's not talk about it but the fact that I get free business coaching for four years that's the number one reason why I love it okay for selfish reasons okay um and one of one of the thing you know I read the the the book The Art of the deal a very very long time ago from Trump and I watch him how he makes deals and I'm Blown Away a lot of times and I I'm bringing this up because I think this could be very uh relevant to the conversation for this sing man and the the the one thing that is very important when you do a deal when you negotiate anything so part party a wants uh something a party B wants B so it become becomes a negotiate a negotiation you know who's going to win who's going to win who's going to lose this this is how most people look at it of course it's not the right approach you have to always try to find a win-win situation how can both win but sometimes you're dealing with people who are not uh realistic right and they have unrealistic expectations of the other party so it's very hard to find the win-win with such people because in their mind they think that if I win he loses so it's very hard to negotiate with some such people so what what I see Trump is doing every time when he negotiates anything the first thing that he does he puts himself in a situation where you need something from me very badly if you need something from me very badly then we can negotiate okay you need this okay you give me this I can give you this an example is the flight that was uh that the Colombia didn't let let the the the the immigrants land and I would have expected when Trump would hear such a thing he would say no let's talk and let's this let's that no no no no no no no okay tariffs Visa cancellation US Embassy in Colombia cancelled see you bye now you come run after me so he he until now he wanted Trump wanted the illegals to get to colia and now yeah I want that but you want even more to to take off the tariffs and to and to to not penalize me in all all the other areas and now we can talk okay you do this I do this if you don't do this I don't do this so when I when when I look in a such a situation as as as we're discussing the the subject that we're discussing I think the first thing that this s man has to work on before he even starts negotiating before he even starts to to to uh have any conversations with the employer is to have a very very strong base have a very strong footing he should know exactly what am I what am I doing what is my strong points what is it that the business needs me so much how can I be indispensable for the business and when I say indispensable I mean it in a healthy way not because you you're a control freak but you you add so much value that there is no way no way in the world that a business can afford to have the business going on without you if you can do that even if you're going to leave the business you're going to be invaluable for the next business yeah so if you do such a thing I think it's going to it's going to increase your negoti negotiating power and it's not it's not going to be only about how much do I pay you how much do I you know do I lose by paying you can I have it for cheaper Etc it's going to be yes or yes basically so I'm I why do you think about it I think this is a very strong way to to uh that she should focus at least for the time being until he is ready for negotiation or until he's ready for this next steps this should be a very strong thing that he should focus on absolutely and I think that what boils down to having confidence developing your self-confidence you know and and self-confidence doesn't mean telling yourself how great you are self-confidence means recognizing what what you bring today what your value is and and and and and being able to articulate and identify how your value plays a role in whatever situation you're in but but not only recognizing that but internalizing it believing it feeling it I think that's what you're touching on and I think confidence is one of the hugest players in any situation if you I know I do I deal a lot with people who are looking for jobs and you know I I've researched it and one of the key issues that people have when when they're having a difficult time getting a job is because they're just simply not confident in what they have have to offer and if you're not confident then why should an employer who's think about investing in you feel confident like you haven't sold me on you yet if you're not sold on yourself how can you sell yourself to me and we we forget that step and I think that's when I when I mentioned initially know where you are now and then know where you want to be I'm including within that this element of confidence for sure I think however it is important to recognize that Donald Trump is able to be Donald Trump because he's developed this confidence over the course of many decades and you he's also had a he's also had situations that allowed him to be able to develop these skills which not everybody has so we you know this and this is maybe where some coaching comes in because everybody's different everybody needs to be you know everybody's got their own individual um context and situation and therefore one blanket rule isn't going to cover all um I think it's aite that everybody that I think we we all um need and and and I think no one would disagree that we all need confidence but but how to gain that confidence and what do you do with that confidence afterwards is really more of an individualistic individual um situation per person um you know and and one thing you don't want to do is is convince somebody that they have to really be you know like the school bully you know you convince yourself I'm going to go and I'm going to just I'm going to beat him I'm going beat him up back you know I'm going to hit him back the differ the problem is he's two times years size usually when somebody does that is because the lack of confidence but of course but I'm saying you as the victim just because you now have confidence yourself that you're going to swing back at him that doesn't make him any less than two times bigger than you and a lot stronger right absolutely you know you know you mind me remind me somebody once came to me and told me I don't know what to do my my employeer wants to fire me so I asked them why he said because he is this and he's that and know he gave me a whole list of how how bad I am EMP lawyer is so I as the guy let me ask you a very open question I hope you don't mind but be honest with me if you would have been your employer would you fire you or would you would you keep you and he said yeah you're right that would have fired me so what do you want from your employee just doing what you would have done right but but very good but I I I think back to your point and I think this is so crucial in every discussion but developing confidence is probably one of the first steps in being able to get over that fear that you talk about but how how do you develop it give you took my question out of my mouth so how do you develop not how do you get over the fear how do you develop confidence that's my question to you what what what is the is there an equation is there I mean how how do you make it how do you make it click how do you make it happen you asking me I'm asking you okay listen we can talk for hours on this and it's not because I have all the solutions because I'm also struggling with the same thing I mean I'm struggling on it differently now than I struggled 20 years ago 20 years ago I wouldn't be on a podcast 20 years ago I wouldn't speak in front of of a audience but but you know it it I want to tell you something as long as you're going to live if you're going to keep improving you're going to have fear you're going to have fear to go to the next step always it's not going to go away maybe you will be trained better how to deal with the fear maybe you will it it will be you know it's a different style you know to fear that you have not being able to speak to people is a different fear than you have of U you know speaking to 10,000 people instead of 100 people it's a different it's different styles but um it's also something that I I I he Shan Hannity asking Trump in the interview of like not long ago he asked him you know how do you deal with it he had so much heat every they tried to destroy you they triy to kill you they triy to do this that how did you how how did you survive how how did you manage to get back in the Oval Office and Trump answered something that was fascinating and he said you know something I don't focus on that I just focus on what I need to do and I do what I need to do most people the focus that they have is in the fear and what what what what can't I do what will go wrong what might go what what might go wrong what if this and what if that and a whole list of thing that they they focused on the fear and because of that they're very limited where they can where they where they can go versus if you focus on where you want to get this is where I want to get and this is what I need to do together yeah it's scary yes it's it sounds scary it's not scary is it scary I mean think about so many things that you do now and I'm talking you I'm sure you also have stories like that definitely I have stories and I'm sure everybody who listens to this has some stories think about certain things that you do now and you succeed with it and a certain period of your life it was scary you didn't think you're going to get there you have stories like that of course 100% And and if I could just interject for a moment I I I I'll share with you my thoughts because I I I put a lot of time and and effort into thinking about how to help people develop confidence because it's such plays such a big role in the work I do and one of the things I discovered butul I know you have the answer why did you say that you don't have an answer because I think you have you wanted to give it a cover to me I think you have better answers but one you know but I'm I have to work on your confidence no it just means I I recognize you for your value that's all and that's okay okay I appreciate it uh but but based on what I know know no you know what let me be quiet let me listen to your answer so my I one thing I I thought a lot about is one one area of or one job that people really demand absolute confidence is in sales a successful salesman has to be so confident about the product that they're selling that no matter what and you have to be prepared that out of every 10 uh sales pitches you're making nine are going to be rejected you you but you have to have such utter confidence in that product you know when I was a kid we used to have we used to still have door Todo salesmen so I remember when when they would come trying to sell encyclopedias or vacuum cleaners and you know sit down with my mother but they the these salesmen didn't say I have a hunk of of of plastic and metal that when you connect them all together and run some electricity through it you have suction and it vacuums up your car but that's not what they were selling they were selling a beautiful clean home they were selling Pride that you could have people come in and such a and your house will be so clean and it's going to be so sparkling and your carpet's going to be so you know because back in those days everyone had carpet your carpet is g to be so you know clean they were selling something to my mother that was beyond just the product they were selling a value and they were so confident in that value that no matter what you asked them you couldn't you they you couldn't give in some otherwise because they believed in it in the encyclopedia they weren't just selling stacks of paper that were bound you know into a book they were selling to my mother you want to bring the world to your children you want your children to learn all about everything that's possible right here in my hand is is is is the key to teach your children about the world you know so they they were bringing value and and they were so absolute confident in it that no matter what questions my mother had they they they're easily answered because they they knew it back and back and forth and they felt so strongly about it they knew their product and they knew the value that their product brought and that's what they were selling and that's what they were focused on and I I just find that when it comes to developing confidence in ourselves at the end of the day life is full of sales pit if we're looking for a job if we're dealing with a with a customer if we're dealing with our employer if we're dealing with our children we're making a sales pitch you know runam have to make sales pitches all day long they're selling Tyra they're selling Yiddish kite but in order to be successful they have to be so confident in that value that that's what sells itself we have to do the same for ourselves we have to view ourselves as a commodity as something as as something that's a we're a product in and of ourselves but it's up to us to decide what is do I recognize the value that of who I am of me as a product and if I really recognize that value am do I feel strongly am I passionate about that value and I and I want to share that value and no matter what you throw at me I doesn't change who I am I know my value I know what I have to bring it might not be something valuable to you but the value I bring will be valuable to somebody else and you know I I always refer to that salesman type of of mentality and just but we have to we have to apply it to our own selves how do we develop that self- knowledge of who we are and what value we bring there's tools to do that you know and there's very reliable tools but at the end of the day they're tools but it it falls on us to say you know what I am who I am I have the Bish have made me unique and I have special value that nobody else has but more than knowing it you have to believe in it and feel passionate about it and that only comes through recognize and becoming aware of that self- knowledge and recognizing it and and and you know and and being able to to um internalize it and appreciate it which of course takes time but when you focus on that and you recognize that your what value you bring then then nobody can can can convince you otherwise it so so he doesn't recognize my value but it doesn't change who I am and like I said there are definitely vehicles and tools to use that can authenticate that value so you don't have to be concerned it's just in your own head but nonetheless the point is we have to be salesman for ourselves and we have to recognize the product we have yeah I I I I think it's a definitely a good a very very important First Step but it definitely doesn't end there you also have to you also need to be able to communicate it and not everybody not everybody has the communication skills for that that's number one and and but you know my my my my rby used to always say if if if it's if it's it misses it misses aun so it's definitely number one but number two you need to be able to communicate and it's also something that you can acquire if you don't have the communication skills you can acquire the the communication skills and then the other thing is the impastor syndrome some people think that you know what what why am I bring I know what I know the value I have but they assume because it's so natural to them that some everybody else has it right and those are something you have to realize I I just want to share with you you know I was in the Life Insurance business for a very long time and they used to say that whoever can sell can sell life insurance can sell anything because you know you have to talk to people about dying and then it's it's it's a very hard sell you know you know the first book I read besides the book of The Life Insurance exam and all the licensing I need needed to get first book How to Win Friends and Influence People by D Carnegie that was my first book I probably read it six times and I think it helped me a lot sure you know I I don't think I don't think I I I was born with good communication skills I have it now I think to a certain degree for some people for some people probably not but I I'm trying very much you know you talked like three minutes now I was quiet you saw that yeah you did well yeah but my point is my point is that that it's something that you can train yourself if it's something that and it's it's worthwhile if you really want to grow in business the truth of the matter is in any area of life is as you said with your children with your wife you want to sell something to your wife to your children to your partners to your employees to your co-workers it doesn't matter to your friends you you be you have to be able to speak but especially in business the highest paid position the highest paid positions in the in in companies is for people who know how to communicate absolutely it's the it's the biggest the hardest commodity there you know it's very hard to find somebody like that and not everyone is a natural Communicator um you know and and there's again like with everything it's a skill and it and it it comes out and like in my end of the work you know I oftentimes have to help people to write their resumés and prepare for interviews in other lines of work you have to learn public speaking you have to learn you know there are there are are people who who are coaches in in in and communication um one one great way to develop confidence in yourself is indeed through public speaking and there are opportunities out there that you can join organizations that give people an opportunity to to develop their public speaking skills but if you can speak publicly well and convey a message within the few minutes that you're allotted you you you've reached a level of communication that most people haven't absolutely and and it's all attainable you can you can you know I spend a lot of money and time to improve my professional speaking skills yeah and I and I once asked my my uh coach my my speaking coach I asked them um you know I see that you changing people's lives some so many times I see that you're changing people's lives uh how do you feel about it he said no I'm not changing anybody's Liv I'm not changing anybody I'm helping them bring out what's inside of them so they the people who come to me have it inside of them otherwise they wouldn't have come here they have it inside of them I help them bring it out I have them become who they are I don't I don't I don't show them how to change I show them how to not have their skill buried right you're you're a facilitator exactly you're facilitating their their own exactly okay gal it was good to see you again and and by the way I don't know if you I don't know if you know people will realize that you know I can hear in your voice that you have a cult and you still made an effort to come and uh it's very appreciative and uh and uh you know I'll be okay wisdom for your [Music] will get down the wisdom for your wealth