Ep. 5: Experiencing It Today with Rabbi Yossi Lew

If you really, really, really connect, you're going to be connected. Your mind will be there. The only thing you're missing is the fact that it's physically not happening. But there's more than physical that's happening around you. There's energies and there's and there's rebt intangible. And those are things that you can absolutely be connected to. And I and you are connected to. I'm Yasi Cayman. Welcome to among an ongoing faban about life as aid, our vibrant connection with the and inspired living shaped by the way he teaches us each and every day. This episode is dedicated [Music] for Shandi. How are you, Rabbi Louu? Well, we're doing this podcast right after Shabuis and it feels like the as the freed said, we're still on the mountain. We're still at least we're still in the shadow of of the mountain of Matra Matu that was always a special yont in the Jaffy Lu family because my grandfather used to come to the Reba every year for Shabu. So, Shabuis is uplifting also. I was born right after Shab. So, it's a good time. I'm Hashem. Doing well. When is your your birthday? One week after Shabu. Very nice. Okay. Oh, man. Um, actually, it's interesting. I think um a number of people got a little bit of a window into the story of Zam Jaffy of your grandfather and yourself because uh this month's the magazine has a whole feature where we interview you and you discuss you're discussing primarily your grandfather but also relates to you. So a little bit of people got a little bit of a window into into that including Shivus. By the way, it's actually interesting in the other part of the magazine earlier on in the section where we have theim the so we highlighted and there's also a beautiful picture of the talking to your grandfather by the car and the was going in. So, uh I think the people already got a little bit of a window into into what's going on over here into myas. Is that is that what you call it? Yeah, that's how the the hair article began. The first line it says, I came to New York with Right. But you you actually said something very interesting in the article that you had a whole story that the Reb asked about you during with your grandfather and the way you said it was that it was really a kov to your grandfather. It wasn't a k to you in when you're in. You didn't get special uh kim like that. I I didn't mean that it wasn't a k to me. I meant it was a kir through my grandfather, but I didn't have kiruim usually like my grandfather had. In other words, it if he gets the yashak for that the reb sending me regards and that wasn't tough me when um you know I don't live my life with regrets um in life you make mistakes and everybody makes mistakes and you have to learn from your mistakes but move ahead and move on. You can't dwell in the things that you didn't do or the things that you could have done. You have to only dwell in what you can do from here. But one thing in my life sticks out as a like a regret and that is when the Reb turned 80 on Alfiss Tshin memba learning in Yusha which is a whole other story how I got there and I had not just a ticket to come to New York but a boarding pass. I already had a place on my on the a seat on the plane and then the rebesh at 10 11 days before he asked that people don't come and take the money and give it away for half to saddaka and half for the expenses of pesak and I was a baker I couldn't get rid of this ticket I was there was no exchanging this ticket so I would have lost the ticket and I because there were people around me who kept on saying how could you go to to New York and the Reb said don't go the Reb didn't quite say don't go but the Reb suggested it was it was the pressure was put on people anyway I don't want to get into the whole story but bottom line is I didn't go and I felt very unhappy and I regretted the fact that I didn't go with my own gut feeling and and just uh just go. And that year the Reb sent me regards and so did the Rebbitson. Um because the dollar was that sun was a Sunday and my grandfather went to see the rebbitson and he told the rebbitson how disappointed I was how unhappy how upset I was and the rebbitson told my grandfather to tell me tell yi that he doesn't have to be at every single thing something to that effect I know I didn't hear it from the rabbits so I'm not sure exactly what the words for but that was a you know the message was it's okay you know or after I fang with myself a little bit I realized that I think ydal of Nissen can become Nissen even without me being being there but but still it I felt like yeah yet you still have the regret I still feel that the one time in my life right where is where I could have really just done something for me and I I was I was listening to other people. I mean also the Reb that time there's a whole story that the Rebba told people not to come but then at the end gave a yash for those that did come and give yeah the Reb did say in the of not to come the Reb said that it's my birthday and on a birthday one is needs to be in exclusion on their own and I need time for that and if I have too many guests I won't be able to spend too much time on my own that's what the reb say never said it any other year but he said it on that year in memb he he was he was basically didn't want the big crowds I think that the rebbber heard and I know that the rebbber heard of the people who just didn't want to go and they felt very pressured because around the world was saying if the rebb means anything to you you need to be there and that's a true sentiment obviously the rebba is turning 80 and no labav Reba turned 80. So this was a very big moment in Libavage and they wanted that there should be the biggest crowd ever and um the Reb was very unhappy with people who are unhappy. If you people were were pressured to come that was something the Reb never wanted to tolerate. So you're so what you're saying is that I mean obviously this is your interpretation but right I don't think the I mean the way you understand it is that and the connection to the should come not for like a peer pressure type of thing. Is that the way you're reading into it? Yeah. In Topshin Lammed Bay, there was a a philanthropist who lived not too far from Manchester and my grandfather connected with him and he started giving money to Labavich. And my grandfather wanted that this guy should go to New York and have a yeshidas with the Reb. And the Reb sent out a long settle which is printed in the in the yearly um uh um collections when they collect these settler And the Reb wrote then that first of all sending somebody from overseas to meet to meet somebody else just like that isn't uh isn't something that's that that that is like acceptable and let the guy the guy doesn't know me. You're putting pressure on this person to meet me. that the the gist of the title was that the Reb didn't accept that somebody's putting pressure even if he's visiting New York and say that at 12:00 1:00 in the morning he should meet this great rabbi and everything else he doesn't even know what the seda is he doesn't know labavich he doesn't know the rebba he doesn't know the system he doesn't understand and he's not he's not uh made that way at this stage at this stage it's not a good thing and I know I know the names of people who wrote to the Reb feeling the pressure that other people were putting on them pes it was staying for Shabas and Sunday and coming from overseas and their wives and their children but most of them were making pro maybe making excuses I would think but even either way the rebba was not uh going to accept something and I know that I know people who actually wrote to the reb I know the names of these people so um that's why I believe the reaction was so strong. It's the the Reb was had a reputation of making sure that whoever comes to visit comes to visit with uh all the permissions and don't owe any money. Reb would give certain that a few times right before yeah but you have to come I think you have to be able to afford it. That's what the Reba said and also has to be with permission from your household and from your wife and they don't need you don't need you back in town and so on. The Reb would say this before Tish and um so this was not a new thing. It was just it was such a tuml in the world to go to the Reb for the 80th birthday and it just it just stopped. This mountain just dissolved in within a minute. What do you mean the mountain dissolved? You're saying like the whole There was such an excitement. There were charters, there were planes, there were tickets and boarding passes and excitement to to to just to be there to just to show up the says which means with a with a multitude of people. That's the glory of the king. Just the people, the amount of people who are showing up and saying, "Thank you, Reb. this is this is such a beautiful important milestone for all of us um etc and it just it dissolved it was a big fabangan but not nothing to what it could have been thousands of people didn't come well it's interesting that you see like a certain thing by the I obviously is the one we we know what his because the Reb explained it so much in the especially you know especially right after but for all the years on the other hand you have this certain element that like I mean there's the the said about you're looking dka for questions to ask even though you don't have them and uh you're asking and the mashim are telling people to to ask questions even when they don't have them there's a certain that wants it to come so it's it's just an interesting. Uh I think everything with the dab is uh very nuanced, right? It's not it's not black and white. So with this as well, it's interesting has to work both ways, right? There has to be you have to have the reb but but you also have to have the person who is willing to put him or herself over there and and and do what needs to be done. Right. The Reb also said once, but it's also part of like like the Reb said once um I think it was [Music] I believe said I only need a minion here. the saying in that context like that everyone should go on but I don't I just need a minion like it's not about you know the we we need we need this like uh we're trying to we're trying to accomplish here and uh you know you know I don't need it I don't I we we I deval to build the community the goal was to build the world, right? So, it's like um it's interesting because um some other other mo most uh manhigim that that the whole thing is about the community. Anything else is like extra credit. And just is just the opposite like the right and he was looking to not not to build lobavich around the world but to build the world around the bavich really in other words to make people come closer to the aster and of course toidas and of course to labavage but the goal was to get out and bring them in and that's so Yeah. And that depends on the people and the Reb had to choose different people for different places certainly at the beginning and places that would uh that would fit those people. As in the article in the deer I wrote about Rabbi Shmp, Rabbi Ben Shiff who was sent to England. You just can't imagine England today is England. What it was 100 years ago was much more England. And Ben Shento was the complete opposite of England. But it was Davka him that was chosen by the rabbim to be there and to and to do what needs to be done because he didn't care what England thought and he didn't worry about protocol. He wanted to spread wanted to spend his and he built it. He actually did build it. I mean that's the that's how you he was the connection with with your grandfather like that's how uh That's that's how we came to Labavage. Exactly. And it was it was he wrote about in the article that it was it was in the blood comes from your grandfather came from from lab stock but uh in Manchester was uh I met I met I mean over the years I met a lot of people from the original pillars in uh in England that said that their first connection was bent. That that that was the you you knew him like he like you you grew up with him. Sure. Absolutely. He he left England in the late 60s. Uh but so I remember him as a very very young kid but he also came very often back to England after he left because his son-in-law was was then the headach he kept on returning and he would stay in England for a few weeks and he would continue helping and doing work and whatever it was I I'm not sure what he was doing. The last time I saw him was a few months before he passed away at Baritzo of Yasi Futafas who's the the director of the Ganyuro and um he asked me if I'm going to invite him to my bar mitzvah. He knew exactly who I was. He was very very connected with my family and um from both sides, even the loose side, it was very uh very connected that way. You're saying he he knew your father from from New York? I'm not sure if he knew my father that well, but his his son Afrel was involved with my family, my father's family from Ghana because they all went to Ghana. And his son Barl was involved with my father personally bringing him close to Labavich. Um so the Shents like knew the lose as well, not just the Jaffies. Yeah. And when this fidd came wrote a letter to my grandmother in English and we printed that letter in the in the diaries of my grandfather and in it he wrote I've been around three labavbas and I don't ever remember seeing a reb to be this involved in a so you know that this is going to be a great one. So he wrote that to my grandmother who was complaining that my mother was a little too young and whatever. So he wrote that. So he knew my father and um but I mean obviously he was much older and from a different generation and um I I think um I think that when your father was in Teras uh I think Barl would come learn Tanya over there, right? Is that is that accurate? Yeah. She would give a Shia Tanya and um he was the first one my father learned with. Mhm. Was Barl. Yeah. And Barl's grandson is married to my daughter. So now we became Okay. But so when you were learning in England like um when when did you come to New York? You came to New York like in high school. I was born in New York. I started in New York. I was in Yiddis when I was I was inidas twice before I even went to England even though I can't say I remember anything but I was a young kid young baby. Um but I was we were living in London and we would come often more often than anyone else and my father for a few reasons. First of all my father had his father and his whole family back in New York. That would be a a very balabata thing. Second of all, um the and I would say the more important, not the most important, not more important, the most important reason was because my father wanted that there should be to the rebel mamish. And when we came, we got tremendous care of him um in Yehidis and in at Fabangan's public. Um and the picture in the hair the Reb shaking my hand. These are Kiru that you just didn't have. And when when children of came by the Reb seemed to be very like he he was looking at this these are the people that are growing up on the front where whereas was happening and it seemed to bring a lot of tob a lot of joy. There was one time at the fab and I think I wrote about this in the in the I didn't write I think I I mentioned it that um at a faban and once of me the rebba seemed to be after the after the niggan started after the rebba seemed to be a little serious still from the whole the whole sugia the whole para of of mi y hoodie and it's and and and the aggravation from it and my grandfather whenever there was a a lively niggan. My grandfather was sort of stand up and sort of like go to the Reb like come on let's uh let's let's be happy like every time. But this time he did it a little stronger because he felt that the Reb looked a little I guess down or whatever. And the Reb looked up and the Reb smiled. The Reb smiled broadly and the Reb started like uh uh um encouraging the song with the with with the movements of his head. Then the Reb turned around and saw that my that I and my brother, my brother and I were saying. So the Reb nodded. Then the Reb turned to my grandfather and said, "Learn from your grandchildren to say, not just stand over there clapping and things like this. We we got attention like that whenever we came." And I think my father got attention like very strong attention as well because he was more he came more often than most people and he got special permission from the reb to come for different reasons even though the rule was you came once every two years. When we came we would stay for three or four weeks. We hardly ever missed anything. not a min or maybe in time would be very late but eventually we didn't miss fabans even though we were much very young and we would have to run out six or seven years old you have to run out and I remember things from those years I remember from tough lammed from 1970 I was only six years old and I remember different different parts that went on at that time lammed bay lammed gimmel lammed hey the different years that I was there so we came much more often so we weren't that distant and I think that other people in England saw that and they started taking their sons. I was about to say that though that was probably a rarity in in England. very rare. It cost it was cost a lot of money and it it wasn't a simple thing. And I saw that my parents had to give up different uh luxuries around the house or around their own lives so that they could afford to go to New York and take us with them or take my father with him and or my mother with with the girls. And it was so it's so rewarding that till today it has an effect uh on us this uh being there and just knowing understanding the ropes also being in we never when when we came Rabbi Khadikov insisted that we go to school and so I met a lot of people who later became very dear friends in when we used to go to and and classmates um for two or three weeks. That's very interesting. I I I just we I just did a interview with Greenberg and he said he came for Tish. I asked him if he went to school. He said no. Tish yeah tish is a disruptive time but shabu time or even khan time when we came other times I never came for tish as a kid but the other times is sh is two days and the rest of the time it's regular school day and we went to school from you know from 9 to 4 we went the whole day you went to went to remember Rabbi Shiner remember Rabbi Rabim and um Rabbi Angel all the different rabbis that were there. Rabbi Marov, you knew uh Yiddish then? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. The Reb spoke to me in Yiddish and Yiddish as well. Your parents spoke to you in Yiddish? No, but in school, the first language I learned in school, how to read, to write, and all of that was was Yiddish. Mhm. As the Reb spoken Yiddish. So there were uh the broadcast the the the uh the hookups telephone hookups from the rebangans. I would sit and write that that began my career in writing sikas. I didn't quite write the I wrote words that I heard you know unandic words like that that the reb would use and I would they would write them now. still have those little uh little booklets that I they were doing they were doing that in New York also by the rallies. Um that was a thing that kids would do. They fabans also they would write kids would write down the words that they uh heard right. It kept you busy. it kept you busy or or else in London it was 2 2:30 3:30 in the morning and um so we would go to sleep a little earlier get up in the middle of the night and then go to the the labavage house there and and Fabang could have gone on for five six seven hours and uh to keep a kid busy for all that time you had to find ways you know the were not uh unfortunately were not that interesting at that time I don't know what the Reb was For example, I remember the from I was just about 10 years old at that time and the Reb said the very famous which was the Hadran the end of the ma of Suka about Miriambasila and I heard this Miriam Basil name quite a few times and didn't know what had no clue what was Derba was saying and I didn't know it that that's one of the most bombshell sikas in history. How powerful that is. How amazing that outlook of the Reb the typical outlook of the Reb to find the goodness in every person. And but I do remember the Reb breaking down and crying and saying, "Lucos Lucus," which which means wolf wolf. And I had no clue what it means and I didn't know what context it was in but I remember actually I can still hear it. I remember these moments even though it wasn't uh you know we didn't understand the context at all but we were listening. Yeah. I'm saying that's very fascinating that you remember the and even the words but then uh only later did you actually understand what what what you what you experienced. Well, when I was about 13 or 14, I started going through all the hanas, all the sikhas that were that were there till then and um I found that to be like so interesting. I said, "Wait a minute. I was there and I and this was happening. I didn't have a clue." Yeah. You were doing this in in England. You're doing this. Yeah. My father had the collection of all the kesh, you know, people are doing this till today. Of course, so do I. They're learning a that they might have been at when the rabbi said it. And uh either they don't remember or they didn't they weren't cognizant of what was saying. Then there are sikas that I've I've learned maybe 30 times. I was there and I read it again and again. It's it keeps it keeps it fresh and it keeps it uh it keeps it in your mind and it keeps the when you read a that you were actually there for especially when you were a little older it really it brings back the whole the scene you remember where you were or how you felt when it was happening. So actually I was few few little while ago I was learning forgot what I was learning but I just remember that whatever whatever it was was you know something that and uh I was just thinking to myself like it's an you know a lot of especially in certain years would talk about on chabas that uh people aren't listening like rabb mentioned this there's this concept by the and uh but I'm thinking to myself, you know, I'm sitting 40 years after the was was said and uh whatever there's a Jew in a corner of the world that that that that was leapt because of it. So it's I think it's all part of the the it's perpetual, right? So saying what what what is the hold dear? The hold de hair is basically doing this. It's it's taking things that exist already and uh unpacking it and un unleashing new layers to that uh many people might not have uh I feel it feels like the was doing everything with tremendous speed like over the years. one mitzvah another mitzvah another all all the concepts that we're just constantly doing you know introducing new concepts and uh we're just unpacking all of them now that that's how I feel I don't know I don't know how you feel I think that we haven't even touched the surface yet because there's so much in those and in the letters and in the all the other things that are it's mindboggling ling. You can't imagine one person leaving that kind of material behind. Just one person. And if that's all that person did in his or her life, you would say, "Wow, that's just a small part of what the Reb left behind here." Yeah, it's mindboggling when you when you take it that way. When you think about all the different people that the Reb helped over the years and especially and if you think about the and the and the investment that the Reb had in that plus all this but the Tyra itself it's it's it they started 30 something 32 years ago to start giving out all the in renewed way in the Hebrew the lak and they haven't finished yet. And they were only going to do the first 30 years from to me and they still haven't finished. And this is what the Reb is not saying it. It's it's written down and to go through it and to and to unpack it and then for people to learn that and to understand where the reb's coming from and and wow what the the revolutionary uh ideas and thoughts and explaining thousands of pieces of garra and rashi tisim and kabala and hal and It's amazing. Yeah. Uh I mean I you particularly see it when you if you learn a whole and I was I learned on and like you like I learned malad. Were you there mdalad? I was at that time I was on in South Africa but I remember mandal I remember the fabbran. I remember exactly what Reb was saying that was a very energetic high energy faban including that about the Rambam as well. It was a it was a a very powerful particularly both those years were very very very strong and about the and the other things and uh and it was every year but there was a specific emphasis on godliness in those two fabans. Yeah. So when I'm learning it, um, so you think you've done the fab and like it's a very it's a long you think you done the says we have to finish so we could have before before but then the as usually does gives a in the next day and says you think the's done and then then there's a whole another tremendous so it's like it's It's never it's it's never ending. So in the lammed when when a lot of more people were were were attending and and and impresent it it it happened much more than once and more than 10 times or the reb would say you look at the clock you would look at the watch there was always a watch on the on the table of the he look at the watch from look at the watch and then the rebb would say because it's late tomorrow is a work day so Bikitser we'll talk bits now about the semium of this maka an hour and a half later what had gone through and then on shabas he would say we didn't have enough time to finish so they would go back on it ah those days wow you also I'm saying you also have um a unique I mean you you're involved a little bit with khazar also right with like you were involved in in the writing of of what were you doing? You were doing the like what were you doing in the hanus? Yeah. What were you what was your role? So again, I since I'm a kid, I'm writing when I was in in my young teens when I was ready 13, 14, 15, I was writing by the Fabangans the the Fabangan, not just uh words. I was writing them. So I can I have You're talking about still on the on the hookup. Yeah. Yeah, in the lits when I was when I was out when I was not in New York, I would sit and write the faban and um I would also record the fab make tapes as well. And so I would keep it with me. You know, the WLCC wasn't so advanced in that time and the Hanukkah could have come a few weeks later. So it was good to have with you reminder sometimes ever said a about the para about whatever it is and I had a non lab teacher and lad and less the fabian of shabas were always m shabas and school would start late he wouldn't know cuz he was not lab if there was a fabangan or not so he would come regular time he come at 9:00 and we wouldn't come in till 10:30 and it frustrated him. And one time after a few weeks like this, he said, "Okay, so you were up for 3 or 4 hours from from 11:00 to 2:00 and then 3:00 in the morning and you're coming late in the morning for for your gumar. Tell me what did the Reb say in these three or four hours?" And so we started giving Khaz and he said, "Forget about the continue." Yeah, he got very inspired and he started coming himself to uh to one once or twice. He didn't come every week but he came didn't come every time but he came once or twice. He says this is this is this is inspiring. He was very taken. So anyway so when you had a particularly heavy beautiful like that it was good to have in writing. Um so I had experience in this area to begin with and I came in me giml when I was in New York. I came to learning in all I was I was in Zo right was on Troy Avenue those days and I was asked to come in to be Mia to check for mistakes. Those days it would all be typed. So Simon Jacobson who was the writer he would type it up and then it would go undergo different people would look it over his father-in-law for language and then other people who are writing the and so the it was retyped again to be in the format like of printed like you have it today but the retyping needed to be perfect it needed to be without mistakes I came in as a without mistakes And within a few months though I was already started getting involved with the writing. But then um in the beginning of Mdalid in Tavis of Mdalid I was had the one of the biggest hus of my life that we were chosen Tan Bram were chosen to go to open up a yeshiva in South Africa Johannesburg. So we left um when we came back we came back at the end of me hey that's why I said before me mis mandala that was in South Africa was me hey we were still in South Africa it was a two-year not to come back in the middle type of schlick and so we came back in of mehe so mev we got very involved in me pes time was the first the first one we started giving out the katzer Katzer was more than a rad was like two pages. So Katzer was a smaller version in Hebrew of what the Reb said a brief version. So first there was a no the first thing came out was so was something else. Theat came out because also wanted to give something out I guess. I'm I don't know how. So that is okay. Yeah came up and I was extremely involved by that point. me. We were writing already and um but the I was writing it together with Abrahams who today is in Postville Iowa and we were on together in South Africa and then is a mev problem with me was when we came back from South Africa Tish Mev uh David Rasin Shalom came over and he said that he wants us to go to Ocean Parkway. Ocean Parkway needs a lot of he wants us to go to Ocean Parkway. So we told him, "I'm sorry, but we just came back from a two straight years without seeing the Reb and we are done. We're finished and he started badgering us was very good at getting things done." So he came it came and but we there was a never said as he wrote about him metapo that he he really getting things done right and he knew that it would be critical ocean parker was about to fall apart and he did it he was relentless and we but they had they had a z there they had a a a missifal so the kids were 13 14 15 and we were 21 22 23 and We were not listening. There was no way he was going to get us to go. There was just absolutely no way. Among is brought to you by We live in a chaotic world. A world where for us is a we do not have the ability to hear and see the on a daily basis. Yet we know that the is very much with us and is alive and thriving more than ever before. one needs to only tap into it. Provides you and your family with the tools necessary to tap into all of this. Whether it's the monthly magazine, the way it all began, whether it's their hair books, their hair online content, and so much more, men, women, and children throughout the world benefit and use these tools on a daily basis. Whether it's children enjoying the children's magazine that comes along with the regular deher or enjoying the children's podcast. Whether it's bakim in yeshivas receiving the deer, whether it's girls in high schools enjoying their hair club in their local high school, people all over the world and from all walks of life enjoy and utilize these tools and take advantage of it. If you're not already subscribed to the hair monthly magazine, do so today at theorg. That's der.org. The hair is a dynamic organization which is committed to continue providing these tools, grow on a constant basis, and do all that we can to help this effort. Barakashem, it takes a lot of resources and finances to make this all happen. You can be part of the through your financial support as well through visiting our website.org or through contacting us to setting up a meeting. Thank you very much. Enjoy the rest of the podcast. So he went over to the rashag and the rashag had aidas with the rebba in ganak in beginning part of tish and the rashag asked the rebbber if he could make this happen. He said he said he wants the kutzer from we came back from South Africa to go daska disutzer everybody's talking about disutza so we didn't know any of this but uh that year nv was on Monday Tuesday and on either the later in the end of that week maybe Thursday that week or Sunday of the next week after shabas penacious Bin naming Klein sent a message that he wants all the 10 bakr to come into mosquitoes. I said we're going to the mosquitoes and he says the Reb wants you to go to Ocean Parkway. Huh? The Reb wants you. So one of the brim with a little bit of guts said to him, "What the Reb said? What did the Reb say? What the words the Reb say?" So he says, "I'll tell you exactly what the Reb told me." said the Reb said Africa and Ocean Parkway. I want that the group that came returned from South Africa should go to Ocean Parkway. 7:30 the next morning we were all at the Seda and we stayed longer than any other group that was sent to Ocean Parkway. We stayed all the way into ear basically till the end of almost to the end of the year. So mev we weren't really around um we c we didn't miss any shabas of course and we didn't miss any fabbrangan in the weekday even the quick the the the sudden fabangans didn't take that long to get from ocean parkway to six 20 minutes so we were there and but we weren't like I would come back to check over the hanus every time or they would send it to me or so you know I was involved but not it didn't have my whole uh my whole focus but me Zion was a great year in that sense we didn't go anywhere and so we started the kata then and I remember I was the head counselor involve told me he he needs to go over with one of the head counselors to get dollars and he found me so I went with him. Yeah. But me Zion, he came to me again and I I wanted once you're there, you really it's it's a special specialus to be the head counselor there. But um Simon Jacobson told me now that you're writing this camp is finished. Your tal on is finished. You need to be at the Fabangans. You need to be there on time and you need to be you know you can't you can't sherk your responsibility. Even when I became a and I wasn't able to he says you need to find a replacement or else don't get married. You wrote to the dev about any of this. I didn't write to the Reb. Oh, I only wrote to the Reb when the Reb asked for three for three things in he asked for three things that you did that you accomplished um over the last kufur I wrote about the we how how much we invested in it especially later the reb was one of the and the was the And we went crazy. I mean this what the Reb also ones the Reb called in uh certain people he called in he called in Gash Jacobson and he told Gash Jacobson that it take it saves me hours of work because people would call in after Shabas to understand what was going on and the weren't available until Wednesday, Thursday. Now these we we write it on Shabas no matter what no matter what happened after we did not go to sleep until it was done. So by Sunday morning the whole world had it and we faxed it. We used a fax machine. So it was it was we bought a fax machine. So it was available everywhere by Sunday night and we had a special section for Hirosh and the Reb praised it greatly a few months after was mia the katzer. So we put in a lot more effort to the kat at that time and so I wrote to the reb then and I was one of the people involved but otherwise I did not write. And the tan kata went all the way till tough I believe. I mean you were you were already there but Jesse Jacobson I was the one who appointed him as my successor and he continued writing it until basic. At first he told me I don't know I can't do it. I'm too young. I'm just a bucket. So I told him try and if it doesn't work I'll I'll see if I can find somebody else. But there were others writing it also with him I think. So Abrahams was writing it and then the fabas became so much shorter that it didn't really take that much time uh um at that point after tism some of the finished at 3:00 at 1:30 finished at three it was only two and you know all the rashi all the heavy stuff the stopped yeah stop the stop we were also in the gods the last thing the was for was was was that the or that was no but essentially the same thing at that point there was always two there was might have been even three if I'm not mistaken later but there was also facts of right the fact was written right fact started this thing when we were doing the kit wasn't a faban of an hour and a half or said two or three sikas. This was this was three sikas or two or three sikas before then there was a m then there was a rashi the raam the za the obvious this was a whole faban sometimes finishing at 5:30 6:00 there was a lot of stuff there could have been 20 pages and so we didn't have a limit of one page or two pages it was like a except that we that that we took the liberty if there were things that the Reb said that we didn't quite have the time to go into and get to the bottom of we would we would leave it out and leave it for the which came later that week. Right. It's still it's still a right. It's still it's not right could be 50 pages. 100 pages, right? 100 pages. Yeah. Very interesting. So, so this was like a it was a tremendous tremendous amazing time of my life because to to first of all you cannot stand at a fabangan with a good memory and then walk away. There was a whole there was a seda of how this needed to be done. This was Rabiel who taught it. It's it's it's in it's in especially about ble that if you want to explain if you want to hear something if you want to learn something you can't think along with the reb was saying something at faban let's say the rebba asked a question on the rashi but your mind tells you you just learned that rashi but doesn't the rashi say something different than the next pik and everything else. You can't think that way. If you thought that way, then you didn't hear. Then you weren't listening. So, in order to be at this faban on Shabas and be part of this team, first of all, you had to have a good night's sleep on Friday night. Second of all, no ch before the Fabrangan. Nothing that's going to make your stomach rumble. I didn't say I didn't say I didn't make Kdesh ever before the Fabangan. I just took took I heard Kdish and I took a little sip of wine not to get my mind cloudy. I ate very very little. Just a kick that they were giving out that's all. And then I had somebody who stood right on top of me on a bench on top of me and he didn't understand Yiddish hardly. And so as soon as the was over, that's the next step after listening. And it's one of the hardest things to do is not think along when somebody's talking to you because you're you're immediately trying to take what the words a person says and apply it to yourself. But then you're not listening. Then you're thinking there's a listen there's a art in listening just absorbing taking it in. But then the next step you need to do is review. And so there was a guy standing next to me right on top of me who didn't understand Yiddish. And so I immediately soon as the sik was over the niggan would start I would go over this the the and then after min there would be a a impromptu khaz in English by rabbi label all times and I would join that and then I would go to simmon jacobson's house for to eat the shabas and then we would put together the whole no kiter we would go. So by the time Shabas was over I had had reviewed it in my mind three time I read it or heard it from someone else three times and then there was Rabiel of Moz Shabas at that time you can write so Simmon would be I wouldn't be at that because we would immediately start writing as soon as Shabas was over soon as Abdullah were made we sat down and we started writing and so Simon would later our later would bring the notes that he had from from the because there were certain elements where and he would go to right so he would bring his notes from the because there were certain elements of that the Reb said it and when while the Reb said it it might have made sense but when you start putting it down on paper there's too many issues here you need to see some words maybe you missed a word here or missed a connecting uh idea so then we would have it on paper then we had Simmon was available to talk to him to ask So this was uh it was it was not just simply listening to a fabang with a good memory. The memory is just a part of it. Rebel didn't just stand there and take it like a tape recorder. He between each would sit down on on the bench where he would be standing. He would actually sit down and he would you would see him with some many times his hands over his his eyes and going through it reviewing it hazering it and when you had these you know sukus three day so the would say Wednesday night Thursday night Friday night these three straight nights and you couldn't do anything until m shabas so we would have khazar twice a day after shakus and after each one each. And um one time on the by the of Kipper and Me Z to the Reb would come a few minutes before mentioned that went on for about 23 minutes and the last two minutes were the microphone went out. was already was ready and so it needed from that. Um and so on you know there were many times like this the night of sukus in in the I was always inside right in the front in the in the when the spoke to the guests um after there was at 2 in the morning. No, we didn't need that because we would write after sha as soon as y was over. The only thing we needed to write. So, you didn't stay by. Oh, I never would. I didn't go anywhere. I stood right opposite the rebra. You'll see you won't see me in most of the pictures cuz they don't they don't have the pictures of the crowd. They have the picture of the Reb in the crowd, but I was opposite the Reb. So, you don't really see me, but I you see me in the videos. You see me in the mat shabasma. You'll see me. Anyway, I did not move. I was right in front of the Rebish in front. Not when it finished at 2 or 3 in the morning. Then it would be Sunday. It would be it would be Yeah. or something or the next morning. No, but we didn't need because there was a recording of it. We we would write down the words of the Reb as soon as y was over. So the faban would always be begin within within a few minutes before and then they would sing a niggan after the rebel washed and ate some. So and by the time every the time the rebel started the was already after the first. So the first was about 15 20 minutes or 25 minutes and that was it because as soon as was over they would there would be paper and pen would be so you you sat in front of the by the by the let's say and once was once it was yumpt was over you were writing in front of the even though everyone was yamik not quite so I had my place was opposite the rebba by the fabbrans but on yumpt fabans I would sit inside of Ville right under the table and the Reb couldn't David Feldman and Simmon would both sit and write. They would have notepads and they would pads that you can quickly turn the page and keep on writing writing and writing and writing. And um where they sat they couldn't see the Reb and the Reb couldn't see them only on Yamv, right? There's a table they only sat on Yam. There's a there's a table in front of the Reb's Fangan table. And on that table they would sit they would they would they would sit uh they would have a couple of of uh there would be like a bench there or or maybe a a seat and they would sit down right at the table and they would pull out this envelope this bag that they have inside. They had three or four pens because in case a pen runs out and they would have extra or whatever and they would have something not books in it so they can bring it with them. You couldn't hide it anywhere and you can put it under the table but they removed all the fabangan tables for our coffus. So they could only bring it in anyway. They brought it in and they as soon as they had a watch with them as soon as y the minute yont was over they would bring out the pen. Nobody could even the crowd couldn't see it. Nobody could notice it. They were hunched over the whole time. So they were like hunched over like under the table. Who was looking down there anyway? So no, I don't think the crowd saw them. The Reb definitely didn't see them, but the Reb knew that there were this was happening that the Reb knew the system and um so I didn't really need to write. It was only one time that I wrote, but it wasn't necessary. But I would still sit in the front just in case I would need to write. And also because people who came, the people would start coming from Long Island and from New Jersey, as soon as y was over, they would get in the car and try to catch the last hour or two or three of the fabra. Um, and so the there would be a tremendous racket. It would be a big noise because women were coming, children were coming. It was a big noise where in my place, much bigger. So it was often that I sat in the on also there were times that I also sat inside but usually in those in those years still no it wasn't you weren't supposed to sit in the like there wasn't I never I never sat in the any other time I wouldn't sit there and I wouldn't sit stand I would always stand but uh only those times were the exception because you couldn't stand in Nashville and there were other who sat in Nashville I would tell the other can you do me a favor just for this fabang and you stand in my place. It was very good place right opposite wasn't a bad you know you didn't have to go to the other side of the world some people protested that but uh I I I wasn't I wasn't there that that often so it's a it's a whole thing in labage my place it's a big it's a big concept right I had a place my place and this is my all the but you don't start with someone's place by There was one time that I actually put somebody in my place by the because this person didn't have a chance and I just gave him my my spot and every time I see him he just he constantly excuse me I thank you. He says turned my whole life around. Someone that you knew. Someone that I knew. Yeah. Who's much older than me? He's got to be at least in his 80s today. But um every time I see him, it's like he's the Reb's was a Gilus m talking about the Reb's own the whole the whole was Gilus the whole everything was but this was this was the Reb pouring out just pouring out and so to give that away was one of the biggest mysterious sniffs I ever had but I felt that for this guy I just just felt you must be you must be like from England or something because you did that the guy is from England. Yeah. You you you must be from England or something that you gave away your place. I don't know if many people would do that. It's not for it's not where you're from. It's it's it's when you're in the presence of the Reb and feeling the Reb. What would the Reb want you to do? And I've had to use that in my life quite a few times. What would the Reb want you to do? You know, I was there Gimmel Thomas like everybody was there and then Nandal Nandal I was inside the during the Leva and I said to myself, okay, the next year came Gimmel was nunhe. I would go to it was a shabas and go to New York in nunv. My wife was in the ninth month and she basically said I cannot go and I didn't go and I don't think I had a more miserable day in my life than that year and that year I made a that's never going to happen again and three years later not only was she in the ninth month um in Tamos Giml but the baby was due on Gimmel Thomas and and I davin shakers in Atlanta and I flew to New York and I called every hour. Those days the the the planes had a phone. You put a credit card. It was a $10 a call. I called every hour because if if any kind of labor I would turn around and get in the next plane and come right back. And I was I was at the I was in New York from landing to takeoff. I think it was 4 and a half hours. I just went to the oil. I went to Crown Heights for a few minutes and then I went straight back to the airport and I was adaven Ma back in Atlanta. Shaka was in Atlanta but I was there and then about five or six maybe seven eight nine years ago I got a call from somewhere. It might have been South Africa. It might have been one of these places to come fab for the whole week. Gimmel Thomas and I said I'm sorry not Giml Thomas. They said, 'What do you mean when Thomas? I said, Gimmel Thomas, I need to be at the And they said, why? So I said to them, you know, I told them I had I'm not going to miss it again. It was the most miserable day of my life. It's miserable anyway you are, but when you're among and when you're at the you feel there's a camaraderie, you know, misery enjoys company, as they say, a very hard day. So the guy said to me, "So you're going to go to the I said, "Of course." So he said to me, "The Rebba that you're going to be standing next to, how would he feel that you're standing there on Gimmel Tamuz and you could inspire hundreds or thousands of people back here? Can you tell me in your knowledge and know how the Reb would be? How what what do you think the Reb would advise you to do in such a case?" And I all I went all I said was um um you're right 100% right. So then I made a when I go away I I will not come back home. I'll go straight. Maybe it's Hey Tamos, maybe it's Zian Tamos, whatever it is, I'm going to go at some point within that kufur and I'll do my my business then. So these are things that regulate sometimes your life. What would the Reb want you to do? And so standing at our coffus and the Reb coming to dance is it's an indescribable it's an indescribable moment. It's it's engraved in anyone who was ever there. I'll give you an example. I don't know how we got to this but I'll give you an example. Inshin meshes. My grandfather had just had an hip replacement surgery and the doctor told him he cannot go to New York and be in a crowd like that. And so he said I will take every precaution. And so when it came to Hakoffus that was it was impossible to take any kind of precaution in our office. There were just too many people there. And whoever was there was very very it wasn't just you were there and packed in. You were there with an excitement which again it's so it's almost impossible to describe this. There was this anticipation and this this haven kite. You were not just like you in a different room and you in a different you were in heaven and therefore you knew it if you're going to be there. You heard about it and they described it to you and so if you were you physically there you knew the Reb is about to come in and your whole year is like going to be changed as a result of this. And when you saw the Reb, it was a different person. And when the Reb got to and the Reb started walking down, there was a shine, a glow came from the Reb that how do you how do you describe that? So there was this it wasn't just a crowd of people. It was a very high strong crowd of people and not always did the people look out for each other. There was a time where the Reb once turned to somebody who was pushing someone who had to hold the safety and the Reb said if you're trying to make a place for the safe remember that there's a person who is holding the safety he's more important. Yeah. It was hard to remember that when you were in that kind of another I don't know if they're talking about the same time but um I think I think it was fell while holding a tra and people tried to take the from his arms and the said dimension pick up the person not the like like there's a there's a person yeah because that was the atmosphere and the rebel was scholars like like like he never had like there was no other time of the year like this. And so I said I would stand with my grandfather by the Reb's haka and during the rest of the hakafas when the reb was in his place and the older people would stand like on the side. So I me young guy with a you know just just married I would be standing with him. So I did I went with him and I carried the seafetera. He was he was always given a safety to go with the with the entourage that went in for the first hakafa and the last hakafa together with the would walk down the would walk down the pathway to the middle of the sh where the bimma was. The bimma was surrounded by a by a a row of tables in a shape of a steel tables that were welded together like stuck together. So because of the crowd was so so heavy and the people who were in this entourage who were standing inside of the would be asked to lean against those tables. So sort of to either lean back or sit on those tables because the crowd outside of them wanted to see and they would be blocking. So that's what they did. And I put myself, plucked myself all the way down by my grandfather's feet. So I sat on the floor right next to my grandfather inside of the fence where the Reb would be dancing. And the Reb starts dancing with the safet. And then the Reb in the later years when the Reb was dancing by himself, the Reb would take the Tyra and basically fab with every person there, make eye contact, look into the eyes, and there were thousands. And so the Reb would would would would hold the safet and go like this for all corners of this bema. They would look to every side and spend a lot of spend some time. I can't say a lot of time in tism the river spent a lot of time but in regular years it was several minutes on each side and the side each side the river was on the back was to the other side the the side that the river's face was towards would go crazy jump up and down screaming like you know this this would be such a moment such an incredible moment and I'm sitting on the floor and the Reb comes over to this side and the Reb's shoes were by my shoes. That's how close the Reb was. Mama is standing at the table where the people were. And I I all all I did was I looked up I looked up at the Reb's face, the Reb's holy face. And I know I'm going to sound like a radical mishuga and perhaps I am. I could be considered one of those. But I'm telling you, streams of light were just pouring out. I never saw the Reb like that because I didn't see the Reb that close when I was uh by our coffus. I stood a little further back. So, you know, from the distance you saw, but you I didn't see that close. I was literally wi within 3 ft of the Reba and all I saw was this this energy this light that was projecting out of the Reba which is as long as I sit here it wouldn't be impossible you know one year on Giml Tamas in the earlier years it was in the nuns and there was a fabanan in Brifka so it's it's a long time ago I don't think they do the faban basifa anymore Yeah, I'm I'm not around. I'm not around these days. I I'm all usually somewhere. So, I was in uh Brika and it was 2:00 in the morning. It was in other words, the crowd was much smaller and there was a side table. Rabel was leading the fab and next to him was label Shapiro and there were other other you know prominent and rebel went on for two straight hours. I cannot I cannot forget this because what he was saying was something that I'm saying right now I know this he was saying could you imagine a should when the Reb received the terra a human being should change this way the reb his face lit up that's what how was saying it and for two hours he continuously belabored this point that how how do you explain that a human being gets a safer and the entire demeanor changes you couldn't literally you couldn't recognize him that's what he was saying not you couldn't recognize the rebba obviously the looked like the rebba but there was this energy that was pouring out of the reb that you just didn't see only on several occasions here or there special occasions you'll see So moments, days, times like this, you didn't want to miss a second of it. It was special. It was unique. Each year was different somewhat. It was it was an experience that you took with you for the rest of for the rest of the year or even for the rest of your life. It was as I said before was it was engraved. It became engraved inside you and you couldn't you you couldn't tear yourself away from this. You didn't you just you were hoping it would never end. It was such an uplifting, incredibly elevating experience and to give it away especially when the reba himself was dancing and to give that away was masses. I don't think I ever did it again. There were a lot of people who were wandering around. We once took Mayor Kken, the great from the town of Neville, and we dragged him all the way up to the bleachers and we squeezed him in between us. And he said he hadn't seen the rebuff. This was in the mems. He hadn't seen the rebuffer since the yuds. He didn't have a place. He didn't have a place. He wasn't one of those that was going to stop pushing him, you know. And he he he started kissing after hakafas. He started kissing us and he he came home to his house and started bringing all day long about about this what they did for him how he elevated he was. It's it's understand that not everybody could have seen it because you you needed to be uh youngest you need to have a good nephas and you need to have a good place. So how do you connect to this type of duly from from the Jaba today? I talk about it as much as I can. I describe it to people. I try um and I I am told that I have a a way of describing things with with many details so that they could um you know so people could sort of put themselves there can imagine themselves being there. I've also written several articles before that the hair I think that their hair might have come from from this kind of thing. I've written a bunch of articles. I'm about to give out a book about about you wrote those from I I I read many of them maybe all of them where you go through certain time periods and that some of them are certain dates and some of them are like topics um describing things by the you wrote those all from memory I started writing it from memory but then I realized that there may be things that I didn't see whatever I remember I remember But there may be things I didn't see and there may be sikas which I'm writing about that I might have missed a point here or there. So I started um looking up and asking people. I'm in the middle of writing now an article about the Reb's nigim that the Reb introduced and I'm the kind of person first of all I the last niggan that the Reb introduced was before I was born but I already wrote about of before I was born I wrote an article about that and the people who were there I heard from several people who were there who read this article and They said wow first of all there are details over there that they forgot and second of all there are details over there they didn't know because I went and asked about 20 different people but this article I must have met 50 people that I'm writing I'm working on now it's very very difficult to write this article but I'm working on this one now because where was the reba when he was teaching these naguna where was he standing I asked yinsky I I I even introduced him. I even interviewed him. I said the Reb's eyes were they open or were they closed when he was teaching the Shamil preaching like this or the Reb's hands was was the Reb so the Reb was not animated. Reb had his hands by the side etc etc. I asked all kinds of whoever you can think of I asked. So I don't take this and do it on my own. Also when I finish when I finish writing Mhm. when I finish each article that finished writing I sent to between seven to 10 people to look it over. So what I'm understanding from what you're telling me it's very interesting. So on the one hand you have the ability because you were there to be and to remember what you witnessed and the way you describe looking at the rabbits it's it's amazing. I mean just just to hear that is uh is worth it that we're having this conversation. But it sounds like that it's more than that for you. It's like an aa it's an a it's part it's part of the one of the ways of escash and part of a to describe and to relive moments with the so you're even going to do moments that you weren't there because this is this is something that needs to happen right am I right it's a little bit more than that I don't consider this ziness means memories I don't want people to to read memories of the rebba I want people to actually feel that they're there when they're with me and I'm putting myself there. In other words, if I don't feel like I'm there, I can't write about it. So when I wrote about after I asked all these people, I started learning the hanus and then I listen to the tapes many times over just to be able to imagine me being there and then I can feel it. I don't want to just write what the Reb said or what the Reb did. I want to wrote I want to write how people felt and my some of my buddies would tell me what do you need to write your feelings you felt this was a very nice who are you like some of some people criticized me for that and I said if I was you and you were the writer and I and and if you were the writer and I was you I would say have the same complaint I don't need you to tell me how to feel but I said you have to realize that the people reading this don't know don't know what's the big deal of the Reb saying a mimer. For example, I wrote a whole article on the Reb saying a mimer. The Reb saying a mimer sounds like the Reb saying a watch a video and yeah, the Reb has his eyes closed and his eyes are down. It's so much it's a world here and that's the point. The point is not just to say that the Reb had his eyes closed to say how the crowd felt, how the crowd sang the song, what was the crowd doing during the mimer and and so on. It was it's not just about what the Reb did. It's about the experience with the Reb. It's about being there. And that's what I want to convey in the articles that I write. Not just about the information. I want to I want the people to come with me and experience it with me, feel it with me. So I that's why I don't call it memories or remembrances. It's not it's it's it's it's I want want people to do it now. That's why if you ask me what I'm doing about it, I wish I could I wish I can tell you that this book is about to be printed. It's not because there's articles I need to write and I I haven't found the mental capacity yet to finish it. There's just a few more. I've written about 25 articles and it's going it's book one of at least uh three. The book one is about around the year. So what was Rashashana like? There's something for every date, special day. Um, but these are the the feeling the the feeling of it. It's based on what people told you. Some only some only only the ones that I wasn't there for. Number one. Number two, I'm able to to not just to hear from people, but I'm able to read what other people wrote. And when you put certain elements together about when this one adds a detail, the other one adds a detail, the other one adds a detail, you suddenly have a a picture that you didn't feel before. And so you're so you're basically recreating the experience for yourself. and then you're putting it to paper. I I'll share with you a story in that vein. Um when I was I I mentioned before when I was a young teen 13 14 I started going through all the all the of the Reb that were not in you know the Hanas and I came to Lamit days I came to the Reb's 70th birthday and I remember that I remember the tomb I was only 8 years old not just before my 8th birthday so I wasn't old enough to understand anything but I remember the the tomb I remember my father leaving for Shabas right before Pesak was like wow and I remember the fabangan I was at that fabangan I in in London I heard the the the hookup but I didn't know I don't know what was going on but in there is a line in the han that says after the mime they sang the something like that with a great inspiration and the rebba afterwards after So this niggan and the rebba said the following one of the integral components of being aim and whether it's or these days give us an opportunity to connect with our to connect with each other and be better. What is the story behind each of these days? How did the rabbi commemorate and celebrate these days? And most importantly, what are the lessons, the takeaways, and the action items needed for each of these days? All of this and much, much more are answered in the new set recently published by our days is a journey through the Kabad calendar in story, meaning, and practice with over 700 beautiful glossy pages with elevated content. Beautiful, beautiful photographs. You, your family and friends will enjoy and live with each. This book is a must for every labamature home, for every schul, for every school. It is a perfect gift item. This will not collect dust. It will be used day after day, month after month, year after year. You can have this set. Go to.org/our days. Order your set today and start living with. What did the Reb say? The Reb said that there's something that I wanted to introduce into Labavage, but the Reb didn't say introduce. The Reb used the word I wanted to basically hammer it in. I wanted to install it into Labavich. And I was waiting for a special moment. So the Reb called this a special moment. This niggan a special moment. That's why they wrote it in the Han. There's no other page of the Reb that says anything close to this. It says that the Reb still look to dance and there's it doesn't say they sang a song with great inspiration. Like what what does that mean and what did the Reb mean by that? So I read that and I said, "Wow, that's that's amazing. What what does that mean?" So I waited for my father to come home and I said to my I showed my father I said here's a he said oh it was amazing I said what happened like what manana what was the difference between this niggan and any other niggan that they ever sang at the faba because you don't see this any other page he says it was indescribable it was amazing it was unbelievable it was a it was it was one of these moments it was like I said what what what happened and he needs no answer. He just didn't know how to answer it. And so I was friendly with with the older Bim at that time. This is Zion. It must have been Lat. And I asked different people who were there, 10 years older than me, Yasi Galitzki, Richie Witness, different people that I know. And everyone answered the same way. Ah, I was amazing. It was unbelievable. I said, but describe to me what happened. And nobody could. Not one person. And over the years I kept on asking this in mem gimbal they started giving out the tapes. WLCC gave out the tapes of previous years. I bought that tape and the whole niggan is missing. It's just you hear the beginning of it and then they they didn't used to record the took up too much space in the tape. So they they would stop it and they would open it up again when the reb started speaking. So he didn't have it. Only about uh 15 16 years ago, a bach gave me a gift and the gift was all the available at that time available clips of the reb special moments. It was on CDs. It was it was a a case of of CDs probably pirated by this baka. There was about 25 25 I have I have one of those sets, right? I still have that set. It was 25 CDs. I I should say I don't know if I have it or I left it at my parents house because we don't have DVDs anymore. Right. Yeah. Right. So, I had I had a whole package of that and each one of them had the date on it. So, I came home and I opened this up. Wow. What a treasure of clips that I never saw before. So, I went through the dates and the first thing I saw was So, I watched that. This is about 12:30 at night. So 1:30 in the morning then I took out the Islam base they had the whole niggan on the video the whole faban on the video and I watched this this thing for the first time in my life having for 20 years wondering what is going on here and why is this considered such a special moment that the Reb himself says I was waiting for a special moment and um you see that the Reb is encouraging the niggan from time to time, shaking with the head and a little with the hand. And when the Reb would do that, the crowd would uh would liven up and according to the um energy that the Reb was giving that's how the crowd became energized. So the reb was moving very very fast, the would go very fast. If it was a little slower, it was be a little you know it was the reb was the conductor. In this case though, that is singing disproportionate to anything the Reb was doing. They were jumping up and down and you can see there's like you can't see the color. It's a black and white there like a red in their face kind of thing. And everybody is just going there singing it over and over and over again. And the whole place is jumping up and dancing like this. And there were notorious non- singers at the rebangans. People who just didn't sing. Maybe they didn't know how to sing. Maybe they didn't want to sing. I don't know. Even though even the go old guys at the back behind the reb the old written and and the Rifkin and the Simpson they're all moving up and down and the hands are moving and it at one point even the guys sitting were standing up and dancing. It was like it it was a crowd that was just you don't you just don't see that because at the reaing you see the conductor part of it but you don't see how the the place is just going crazy by themselves. So I watched this. It's about 20 minutes and then I rewound it. I started watching it again. By the third time, maybe even the second time, by the certainly by the third time, I it suddenly hit me and I jumped out of my place and I started jumping up and down and I stayed up for the next thing I knew it was 5:30 in the morning. I had watched this maybe 10 times because I suddenly caught on to what was happening there. And this was a moment where the place was screaming three words. I love you. The amum the people who were there got so caught up in this that it just spilled out. There was no controlling it. And the Reb at the time there was no one saying that everybody was just singing and dancing. The Reb is moving back and forth. He's watching. He's looking. He has a slight smile on his face and he's like taking in at the same time is, you know, Reb is is but but is and they're screaming out basically, we don't know how to say this. We love you. And the Reb said, I wait. Oh, you love me. 71 new institutions, please. Now you now you can take over the world if you love me. It's not about dancing and singing it. We need to dance. We need to sing. But now you take this energy with you and take over the world. This is how this is my way of looking at it. But what I found amazing was that I jumped out of my chair and I found myself there. I wasn't there. I wasn't there ever. I didn't know what happened over there. Nobody else could tell me what happened over there. But when once I watched it and I saw it and I internalized it, I became part of that crowd. I was there. I transported myself there. My whole Mitsus was there and then I understood that's what made me understand. And by the way after that I approached all these people from my father to Galitzki all these people and almost all of them nodded and said you you're right that's that's a good way of of describing how we felt at that time. So, I got it. You know why I got it? Cuz I was there. But you weren't there. You were just watching a video. I know. But somehow even watching a video and but focusing on what's going on, not just watching something that you memorized or you heard or you're thinking about, but actually being there, you could you could put it put yourself there and stop feeling what they were feeling. That's how I that that that that taught me an important lesson and that when you want to say something about the Reb, it's not just saying I remember the Reb. It's about saying you need to come and experience it today. So it it was Shabas in me in the summer of me Zion. It was either Bulock or um Matas Mas, one of those weeks. and and the fab the rebu was going on. It it was one of those really beautiful. Everything was just so uplifting. I just I felt up different than a different than than a regular chabas. And the faban ended quite late. It must have been about 5:30 and it was min. And then there was Khazara which I stayed for not too long and I was in this in this heavenly in order to understand this let me share with you this story label growner allum is a mutton of mine and he was he was I I spent quite a bit of time after we became with him and he was in my house 10 years ago almost to the day now for a sim of an anacle of one of our an forget about the context of or like how this story got in but he said every time you walked into the Reb's room and he walked in several times a day every time without fail you walked in to the Reb's world. So as soon as you walked in there, you were no longer in this maz. And he said it was usually heaven and sometimes it could have been the opposite of heaven. I said what the opposite of heaven? Heaven I can understand but opposite of heaven. He said sometimes the Reb was frustrated about different things and the Reb would sometimes voice them and it would be very very uncomfortable and very you know first of all you were you were hurt because the Reb was hurt and second of all you were hurt because you didn't quite know whether the Reb wants you to do this or that and the other. The Reb would give us instructions sometimes to do most of the times just wanted to get it get it out. And he said that was that was the opposite. I said then I said what about heaven? can you give me example and he said at that po at that I can't uh that that will go down with me he said I cannot talk about it but he says that's he says you know that before you started working in the mosquitoes rabbi would tell the people there are three kinds of secrets a statement from the fikba and and what the rebb told rabbi khadikov to tell the people who work there are three kinds of people who keep secrets one is a person who has a secret and you know that he has a secret because he tells you I have a secret but I'm not going to tell you. A second kind of person he doesn't say anything but you can look at that person and you can see that that person has something that they that they can add a secret that they can tell. Then there's a third kind of person when you look at them you don't even know that there's something going on inside. And would say that's the kind of person you need to be here. So labor girl told me that's in that category that we that we don't talk about. You'll never hear it from any of us. That's not going to happen. Now at the fabans there were times you were in heaven. That's why I say I can understand what heaven means. You were in a different you were different mitsas. You were just you were elevated to the reb's world. You were elevated to the the world of the world of aisha. You you were elevated to a different different place. And there were certain fabangans that I felt that way as well. And I left 770 to go onto Eastern Parkway. I walked up the stairs and I started rubbing my eyes. I could not understand how the cars were going up and down. I was so lost in in this heaven that I forgot that there is a a world just for a second. But I just like look I said what to come down to earth or as I said right at the beginning to come off the mountain. This was the kind of experience that one was able to have and he sometimes had this to have it not just at a special moment but sometimes even in a regular moment to be elevated to the Reb's world and that's why I say that when writing something about the Reb it's not just simply a memory then people read your memories he has nice memories first of all the details are very very important and that's why I said to you before I don't only rely rely on my memory but I want to know if I missed a detail here or there. So that should be part of the part of the equation and the details are very important. And secondly, even more important, most important is that you have to be descriptive and write not just what happened but write the the whole atmosphere of what was going on. And that's why I speak as well. When I tell it, I tell I tell it with as many details as possible so that people who are listening should be able to feel what I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing. So it's a clear by you that someone who doesn't remember the rabba or never saw the rabba can have the same experience without a doubt. Without any doubt. But at no doubt whatsoever. I I I it happened to me and it happened to me more than once in different the different settings and different places and different part times of my life. It's happened to me more than once. If you really really really connect, you're going to be connected. Your mind will be there. The only thing you're missing is the fact that it's physically not happening. But there's more than physical that's happening around you. There's energies and there's and there's reb these are things that are intangible and those are things that you can absolutely be connected to and I and you are connected to so in other words when you learn a when you learn a mime you're learning the reb's learn the rebba's wisdom and it says that his to theb is is is uh paramount in that way that's because you think like the rebba thinks but there's I I think there's another step to this and that is not just to think well he says right the writes but another thing is I think by the right absolutely but that that's in order to to be this podcast is a this podcast is called among that that's what that's what we're doing here right to be among totally that's to be but I'm saying that there's another level here and that is sometimes you just simply need to be with the rebba not because of learning and not because of other and simply to be with. So you had that chance with when there was when there was and and things like that but that as if you really really push yourself when you need to and you want to you can experience that today as well. So you're saying because this is all happening right and all of these things and is today. So since this is happening so that's the reason why it's possible physically if you work at it and if you concentrate on it and use the proper tools you can actually have this gashmistic feeling of being as well and that's the key word the tools because you didn't need that you just showed up for our coffers and you had you had yourself for the whole year you had whatever I always tell people that that's I'm saying The reason why we have for example is for this reason to to give people tools as you know from the beginning I'm a massive fan of the de hair and I've been a big supporter over all the years and I can you I I will use words of encouragement to all you guys who are working on this. Um, I'm always going to be your number one fan because you keep this uh uh notice going in addition to all the great things that you have, the details that people won't know about and you uncover stories and and and whatever it might be, but it's just the fact that every once a month you have a Reb walking into your house. You have to read it. It's not the same, but it's it's a magazine that's sitting there. It's in English. It's available and it's it's it's uh fantastic. It's it's just a fantastic thing. And lately you've uh you you've cleaned it up there. We know the writing has become so much better. We started we started writing it in English. Yeah. You used proper English. I that was my big complaint to you. And um got you got to get details correct. your your your you know it's it's probably one of the most challenging things to continuously write things that you haven't written about before because after how many however many years it's been over probably close to 15 years it's you start running out of material and you're keeping this thing going and keeping it alive thanks to the big big big fat and to you who actually you run you direct the whole thing so You are the one who raises the money and you were the one who makes sure that it's it's going the buck stops with you. So I give you a big big yash to you and to your wife obviously who who is your partner in this. So it should be uh continue. Please don't ever think about stopping this sh. Yeah. Um, and obviously there's other tools that um, saying I'm saying learning the is all is all part of it. saying this is all it's all one big or I don't know the word I'm the word that I'm looking for but it's a life long mission and and and and and that that needs to be done and it's done it's done it's done through doing what the Reb wants through going through being a through learning the Reb's through watching the Reb's videos through reading I'm saying but this this is this is this is a this is a this is a constant a that we that we engage with that's um that's it's just it's interesting the way the way the way the real what the reality is that I'm mull you just had to be there in the right place at the right time and now it's needed it's But ultimately because of that because it because you need to work at it, it's a lot deeper saying anything that you need to work hard for is uh is ultimately going to be a lot uh a lot deeper. So the fact that we know that today people you know especially older people like saying that people today are more mush than we were etc. There's a reason for it because people people actually work for it. People actually engaged in doing this on on on a daily basis. Yeah. So several points you you can comp compartmentalize this whole thing by saying there's a time for learning and there's a time for doing there's a time for watching and you know getting involved everything else but his was not just learning the Reb's story. It was also coming to visit the Reb and it was also hearing the Reb and watching and observing the Reb, dvening with the Reb. It there was there was more to that than simply being a in other words putting on a kapata and a hat is a big zus and a big zus because now you're saying I want to follow the Reb. But following the Reb, if you really want to feel, you know, in in my day, there were people who were not so uh connected even though they were there for Hakus and they were there for Napoleon's march at the end of Yipper and they were there for and they were there for dollars and they were there for even but they weren't they weren't so so connected, so committed. But the Reb gave us tools. And of course, learning the Reb's Torah is of the bedrock because that's how you think along the same lines as the Reb, that's how you become inspired by the Reb. But going on is obviously or even if you're not officially ach but doing the Reb's work or supporting the Reb's work, those are all tools to be connected to the Reb. I would say I, you know, my obsession. And I this had to come up sooner or later in this podcast about the Rambam that the learning of the Rambam every day is the biggest tool for for his scars. And that the reason is because every other thing that the Reb wanted was really not about us. He wanted you to go and he wanted you to to to help this one out and go. But the Rambam he wants you to learn every day. You me us he wants us to learn and is something that the Reb spoke about thou and spoke and wrote about thousands of times but that wasn't from the Reb. Rambam is directly from the Reb. And it's not something that he asked you to do with other people. Of course, learning with other people is a big thing, but that's not that wasn't the mitzvah. The mitzvah is to go and learn by yourself. That means you spend 15 20 minutes every day. Sometimes a little bit more, maybe a little bit less sometimes. Every day, every single day without fail. And it's 365 days a It's not like filling where the days you can't do it or matzah even obviously if you're not around Jews. This is every day for you for me for us to do personally and that's your moment with it's your 15 minutes of escashas. Of course at the same time you're getting a very big knowledge of the entire ta which is another gift that the reb gifted us. So you if if you're not going to go through shas and tuskim you're going to know about uh not just about trait that we're learning today but about how you shuck an animal that this today's rais and things that you're not going to not going to get to whole mamish the whole but more than that you're you're spending 15 20 25 minutes with the rebs you do that he didn't ask you to He didn't ask you to learn. It should be an obvious, a given, but he did ask you to learn the Rambam every day. So when you're doing that, that's your moment with the Reb, which is why I say I can't imagine, I don't understand going to bed without doing that. It's the one thing in the day that he wants you to do every single day. on in the that the Reb gave to Israel the Reb said that there are certain elements of each day that that belong to each day including and the Reb said there's a this and there's also the Rambam which is which we also do which one comes first and so the Reb said then that this is shalo words of kazal kav is a measurement it's my own measurement in other words it's my own thing it came from me and so therefore I have a certain preciousness to it. And so aid knows that this is the kind of thing that needs to be happening every day. Every day you have a moment with the Reb. Every day it's built in as a of this Reb of our Reb who came up introduced learning every day for us. There's a certain an older that was once and some saw him looking at his Rambam tracking how many pages it is for today's sh. So they asked him you look you want to know how short it is like what what are you what are you doing like he's like no I want to know how long much longer I have to be makush to theb wants me to do today. Yeah. And you can't push it off the next day. also the it's a especially in the shiv they talk about it a lot speaks about about learning that very strong that the gives there about if you learn the is connecting it to to like it's like infa you know talking about limit Rambam and um yeah every explain explained the Rambam from after once the once instituted the tak of learning every day that's that was also one of the more amazing things because the Reb spent you know talked about hundreds literally hundreds of different places in the Rambam after that Reb spoke about Rambam a lot but this was such a a massive amount of of of ideas of the Ram. There's over there's over 2,000 remarks either or or flamus on the from the on the Rambam. Unbelievable. And there's also the general outlook on on how you're supposed to approach Rambam. And this that I mentioned the rabbit speaks about a lot. How people their whole approach to Rambam in the in the whole approach to Rambam is they see it brought down isolated and then they they look back and and they learn the Rambam in order to make a pilp out of it. Right. But um if you read the rabbi says it was yeah it was written the raam wrote the to be learned. So if you don't learn in an alisa if you're not learning in an order and you're just learning it isolated in order to make a pilpull you're going to learn the raam wrong because the ra relies on what he said earlier. So your whole pilp doesn't carry any weight because you don't understand the raam because you didn't learn what the ra says before. So therefore you have to learn the whole raam. the long s of that. Yeah. Yeah. So that's also part of discussions. I would also say that the gem video that comes out every matabas that you can watch is definitely part of this and very very very important for the for the whole family. It's very short. It's only a 15minute maximum and it's usually quite interesting. Not just it's not just a but there's other things involved and um it's it's something that is it's there every week something different something new amazing and uh these are the tools that the Reb left that there's no God who ever in history who was recorded and obviously videoed this amount of times there and so many different ways and the Reb wasn't necessarily as comfortable as as he might look. The Reb expressed several times regarding videos, regarding pictures, but it possible that the Reb left allowed this so that it should be left behind that we can continue getting this connection to the Reb. Okay. Our coffus isn't available. But that's re that for that reason, as you asked before, for that reason, I feel a a a a personal responsibility to talk with as many details at as length as possible to anybody to just to go, oh, I have to put out this book. Just that people should be able to have this kind of experience themselves. Not that people should know what happened. Mhm. So, okay. So, I think that the the question really is the question really is why what why is this whole thing needed? What I mean to say is Mashiah could have came before Gamos like like like it was supposed to or or maybe obviously it wasn't because it didn't but why is this why is this whole attainable that we can have why is it why is it needed I mean it whichever way you slice it it's a very tricky time you know it's the now saying it's a it's a very tricky time in history there never was such a there never was such a concept that uh you know 30 years after in in nothing's ever existed da dk now da mashia is coming we have this experience the question is what's the purpose of it and you expect me to have an answer to that you know I'm assuming you had 30 years to think about it. The Reb had more than 30 years to think about it. And the Reb would say often the Reb in in this classic and to a certain extent the very heavy. So heavy heavy crying weeping from the Reb on Gulas and in each one of those and in lots of other places where the Reb wasn't necessarily crying the Reb would say this just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense why this is happening. This is the reb you know when I was on Russash after um there's a little that you say only on Russash there's a similar that you also say on and that basically the is that these days we don't have a melik and we don't have a this and we don't have a kay and we don't have this and they don't know this we don't and asking the to put an anticolus that's just filler and I when I looked at that fer I was standing there in 770 with the rebba I was inclined not to say that it didn't make sense when the reb would stand there and talk about gulos and the reb would sometimes cry about the gulos in memble was winter mevian I remember was pushing this very very strong and I would always say to myself I I just I don't understand this would the basikdash be any greater than what we are having here right here this is the basik this is that experience you're going to watch cows be be slaughtered is that obviously that's of course that's the greatest thing and that we ask for say that in But I can't imagine standing and watching him sprinkling blood on the misbak and the levim singing songs everything else. I'm sure that must have been great but we don't have anybody who wrote is from there but here you're standing in it's there's such an elevation you how could you get away from the still when you're standing in this kind of presence and the reb pouring and and you know the atmosphere the the the the hakas all of these things and here's the reb crying he's in terrible pain he's crying about about and about and about the etc etc. So we don't it makes no sense that said many times it makes no sense. So I it's it's impossible to understand but I can tell you on the other hand if you would have told somebody 33 35 years ago that the gimlas is going to happen and 30 years later they're going to be who will tell you the said this and they said this and you're going to say I understand the guys who were there guys who were in there but after Gimmel Thomas after a thing like this how is it possible And there's only one answer to that. Whatever the did on is the but the did not go away. Okay, you can say that and we all have our stories and we all have our things. It's but even if you want don't want to say that thing that you can learn abran you can watch you could you could you can watch a video and and bring yourself and transport yourself into it is you can't do that about with the you cannot do that with you can learn raam every day and you don't know who the raam was you can't connect to the raom like that you cannot connect to anyone like you could connect to the Reb. And it's not just about going to the or 770 or or or learning. It's that this this atmosphere, the energy that the Reb develop is is never happened. It's unprecedented. Not just because there's no but because the Reb hasn't gone away. whatever the reb I don't understand that because I was around in the mess and I did not feel the I went to the oil and maybe and I you know I I did not I didn't get it. You know what? I we I didn't see a a video of the FB until after Gimmel Thomas where you see the FBA receiving the citizenship in his flickering his eyes. His his his eyelids are opening and closing and said, "Wow, this the first time you saw even like a living moving thing you have thousands of hours of video of the Reb. I don't know why Gimmel Thomas has to happen and why hasn't okay Gimmel Thomas had to happen but why can't it be over already what what's he waiting for now I don't understand that and I don't think anybody could explain this you know but what you're seeing is people who are continuously connecting to the Reb even young people whose fathers didn't see the Reb didn't hear the Reb and they are very into it and they're very connected and they're very motivated to go out on to far-flung places and they have to work very very hard and they have to do things because only because the Reb wants them to do it. This is unprecedented. It's unheard of and this is who we had. This this was our gift that the Aisha gave us the Reb. And that gift continues to give and continues to be available. And um and when when the when this golus will be over and we're going to go wherever we're going to go and 770 and whenever whatever whatever is going to happen then these the people who are connected to the rebel like this are going to be in very good shape because we'll be ready. The reb wouldn't have to skip a beat. People wouldn't have to skip a beat. We're just We know the style, we know the person, we know we know how it is. We're ready. We're ready. And uh we're ready. We're ready for uh the grand sing. Everyone likes talking camp terms. I was the head counselor. Okay. So um I think that uh it's appropriate that uh we should it should be pale mameish and take it from y mish and um it should be today now mamish mamish mamish and I I you know one thing we know there might be a debate who is Mashiach what when it ever comes we're we're going to be right there next to the Reb when hope hopefully the all the hopefully we'll have a we'll have a spot you know you said before about Makavo I don't know if we're going to have a be able to retain our old places but hopefully there'll be place there's an old vanel I think he says that comes you're not going to be able to get in that you you'll be lucky if they let you in that's the thing in other words yeah it's not so simple but I don't think there ever you know we say in There's a mish says you have a good eye, he should be blessed because received the and he gave it he was he was he was so he's because of his goodness. So ouru I don't think is going to let us stay outside the door. This is those are the frebba's times where couldn't come in but the rebba wanted everybody to be allowed in and I'm sure we're going to all be there then we're and in a short unfortunate time until then we can still be connected we can still relive reexperience all of those things brings us many times says that they're not just simply days of commemoration. There are days of reexperience, reliving. It happens today happened earlier this week and and uh happened a few weeks ago and and these are things that happen on those days and all of these things are happening every year. So with the reba of course that's the same thing that we could re live them reexperience them and that's I can't say why it happened so long but the test thean of giml has proven completely in the way the reb would want it means we're all in and we're doing it and we're following it and we're learning it and we're experiencing it and we're we're waiting we're waiting we're waiting we haven't let him go. We'll never let him go. Okay. And um thank you very much for the very uh and meaningful conversation and okay. So let's play this