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Emotions: When to show & hide them, Rebbe wasn't greeted upon arrival in 1941 for 3 days- RC Dalfin
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So we're learning a
uh kind of addendum to the Tanya.
Section five of Tanya technically
essay 8 where we're using the lessons in
Tanya now page 3
87 the last paragraph the alterba
taught us
that
that the avoid in
post
the time of the mission the gamura the
emphasis be on prayer not on tal study
that's the way it was not that it should
be that's the way it was
and he explains not so he doesn't
explain at length here in this letter
but he explains it elsewhere we we have
actually learned in different letters in
the
that over there in the he puts the
emphasis also on
that the
Here he emphasizes the avoid is because
over here he's not talking about sodoka.
He was talking about Torah and so in
that scenario
the the virtue and and the way to go
during
iso
when you include saddaka in the in the
equation I believe the ultimate is
saddaka
but again suck seduka is a misa an
action
prayer here
is limot so you have learning praying
and giving so there are three different
platforms
I mean we yes it's true in this it says
that the the says
I think one of the
began with that that part of that verse
And the act of sodoka shall be.
So the alterbus
explained that
the word
also is associated with the word
which is kind of you have to force
yourself
that there's the element of oil in the
act of giving sudoka. You like it, you
don't like it, you feel good, you don't
feel good, just do the mitzvah of
sodaka. So in other words in saddaka the
emphasis is
the m
the m being the the act the kabil
in prayer it's not about kabil I'm not
talking about now the
I'm not talking about the the idea of
prayer the idea of prayer is very non
it's it's very It's it's it's not you're
forced into prayer. If you feel that you
need something or want something, you
pray, please give me this.
So the the underlying theme in in
davening is as Kabad calls it
from below to above. What does it mean
from below to above? It's generated by
your situation on the ground. And that's
why there are days when you get up and
you dive in and you're elated and days
you're just so tired or so un
uninterested. In other words, there is
no equinimity in
someone who
goes about their with equinimity
is not davening. It's not davening. It's
being robotic. And you know it's like do
this and do that. You know they they
they say be at the at the of the stand
it says um
know before who you're standing.
Sometimes it says you know over here you
need to do this or do that. So,
in general kind of
um laughed at that, belittled it. It's
like here you need to jump, here you
need to pray, here you need to cry. It
doesn't work that way. Now, please
understand that you know when you're
giving instructions whether you know
there are people who need instructions.
So, you give instructions. It's like I
don't know how it's about you guys in
shul but in our our bea here I just saw
it last night the laws of ka
are printed out under the plastic of the
of the cover of the beimma so that when
the reads the in case he has a shila I
guess he could quickly look into the
paper
that's a technical thing and of course
It's
but fel is it's it's not robotic. It it
don't go together. People make this.
It's a mistake. It's such a big mistake.
Fila is the the movement and feelings of
your heart.
I told you I' I've told you that this
many times because but it it I I repeat
it because it it's it brings it makes it
clear. There was this
he was called the Schneider the tailor.
He came from Russia from Moscow came to
America to Crown Heights
and in his old age he was already you
know half scenile he wasn't you know all
there and he was he would wear his
going into night because he didn't
realize it's day it's night and for
whatever so the 770 he said
it's already night
you need to take your off and he would
answer them with with his good thick
Russian Yiddish accent. And he would say
in English, "If you're diving to the
stars and the moon and the sun, you're
all right. You're all you are all right.
I have to take my trillin off cuz it's
not light outside. It's dark." But if
you're doubting to Hashem, what's the
difference?
Now, of course, that doesn't add up.
It's wrong. We know that. But in in in
concept he is so right.
In concept he's so right.
So someone's going to tell you you're
fetching too much advening.
You're crying too much. You're laughing
too much.
If they're coming from a place and this
addresses what Mosha said many years ago
and I always bring it back to the table
because it's important. If you're crying
on Roshana
is because you were told you have to
cry, then
cut it out. Ju just cut it out. You
know, you you know, excuse the
expression, go take an ex XLax tablet,
you know, come on. You know, like what
what do you you know, you're such a
faker. Like don't be don't be an
embarrassment to our religion.
But if you cry and if you're because you
feel you you know you can't you know I'm
saying something inside then there's no
there's no uh there's no time there's no
limit there's no sheer the shabas I was
in long beach of the young Israel I told
you I think so I spoke about the
rebalich and pretty much more about
rabbi salvich so
when I spoke and I got really into it
the whole place was silent you couldn't
hear a pin drop. A pin drop. And and
they were all glued and just looking at
me. And I was looking at them and and I
said to them that the brisk for which
Rabbi Shalovich came from and
represented
not the brisk of Jerusalem which also
is brisk and they contend they're the
real brisk and salvage and of New York
is not the real brisk but anyway
so I said that he tells over a story the
RV himself tells over a story that's
printed in the in in his swarm and the
swarm about him that once in this in the
town in the town of of Kaslavich
where he was raised
and where his father was the the RV of
the he contends it was a kabad shul but
the rv was a litag and this case it was
salvik
and he would always say the rub would
say this was a payback back
to the the Salvatics and the and because
they didn't sign the excommunication
letter against the Balatana and the
other sadikim the other so they were
rewarded that they would be the raanim
in the labaves in c you know in certain
labavs
and one of them was inlavich
where he he he said he would he said
that they were they were the raon were
always lit fox
but the the mispim were lab and I assume
it wasn't
aashkin
which by the way just for the record I
know you guys like the history a little
bit um we had this even here in America
in Brownsville
where yro ysro klatkin's grandfather was
aikl baltila
in a kabad which I went to see but now
but it doesn't stand anymore it's
because it's now projects and the entire
area was turned into like a midraov
but when I went out there probably now
about 5 to 10 years ago that's the way
it was but over there was a very big it
used to sh because the browns what was
called the yushlay shell America
Jerusalem of America
so I was writing about something and
then documented it so I wanted to see
this this prominent Ani Lubavich I think
it was called Ani Lupitz Ani Levich
whatever they called it you know
so so who was the RV the RV of the shul
in the 1930s and 40s was a lintfisher
ago
and he was very good with the previousb
but he wasn't a
and the was anari
So it was the same way in these in some
shs. So
was there
in this sh in
who was the baltoa? the bala was
and he he he records
says that he he remembers one
that the bay went up to the beimma go to
the beimma to blow the so that everyone
can see and hear him and it's the
pinnacle moment of
and he becomes very emotional
and and he and and he can't get himself.
He can't calm himself and therefore he's
not making the bra yet yet. And the
rabbi, the Rabb is standing there
and he says, "No, no." And this guy is
totally emotional crying.
He's it's the yoy
he has to builder as the for the entire
congregation
and he's he's he's
basically said stop crying and blow the
sha for now
I don't know if it was the rav or who
said he compared it to to the taking of
the of the of the lulaf make your bra is
and he based it on a raam like the
brisker that there's a the act is what
counts not the emotions so there's no
place for emotions here
that's a very very uh not fish it's a
very brisker mahal and I told the people
and I I could see they couldn't they
didn't believe what I said but I said
the r himself said it that his father
never kissed him
and he never kissed Not because he
didn't love him because that was the
that was the kind of the minab brisk in
the bay harv
cold emotions
you know.
Yes Misha give me some water please.
Have you seen are there other
communities maybe other different
communities groups
who have a somewhat of a similar
approach?
Um I I I I don't want to um
I I'll say something maybe controversial
but controversial you know um the famous
book by um
the chosen the chosen by I knew I knew
this was coming.
So is that based on
something that is real the treatment?
Yes. Between the Yes.
Whether it was exactly the way that
paints it.
Not necessarily. But overall, yes. The
Kutsker, it goes back to that same
person we spoke about yesterday, the
Kutsker, the Holy Katsker.
for for for some reason he g um he gave
I think one of his sons in ceremony
right um a a they say up to sevenyear
silent treatment or something like that
again so I don't know if it was seven
years may maybe but
the idea is true whe you know whether it
was seven years five years three years
that I don't know but but Moshe a like
you said like you said yesterday there's
no cuts today and like I expl explained
at length that the gear of today is not
the Kutska then and the last remnant of
that was the basis Ro who passed away in
and um amongst
groups I don't believe that that's uh
the maj the case for most groups
that there is um
there is a concept of reverence
I'll tell you a story. Okay, here here
here's two stories.
One story is that the rebal
had a very good kafus for 30 years. His
name was Yakov
Morai of Paltova. Bes was his last name.
Best pal. His son of came to America. He
lived in San Francisco. Aid of full garb
lived in San Francisco
in the 1940s.
You imagine hate Ashberry. It was up 20
years before hate Ashberry. I don't know
what he would do then. He probably would
go would jump into the grave.
But anyway,
his father was
and he was a a big
and he once told the Reb
he once told him how
wonderful his son
the previous Reb is. He he expressed it
in an endearing way when he was a little
when when the freik was a little boy and
the rashab had an urge to give his son a
kiss.
you know, he heard these beautiful
things about him
and he held himself back
and at his birthday, he he tells him
this story that I just told you and he
said, "I'm now giving you a kiss."
And he set a mimer for him. And he gave
it to him. Now,
I don't believe, and again, this is
conjecture, I can't prove it. I don't
believe that he didn't give him a kiss
later or before. At that moment, this is
the way I explain it. At that moment of
endearment where he just heard this
special sweet report about his his his
only child, his only child. At that
moment, he wanted to kiss him out of
love. And he he elevates that same kiss
to not just a physical kiss of love but
the ultimate kiss which is the kiss of
and on and and that was what he was
substituting at that moment. I don't
believe for a moment that he was
reenacting the cutscer's approach not to
or the brisker approach uh not to kiss
your your child because that's not in
the um lexicon
and mindset of kabat. are for sure not.
That's one story.
Another story is when the Reb, our Reb
came to America 1941 in June of 41, just
a few uh weeks ago
was the Hebrew date. So now we're in the
Zion Tamas a week, week and a half ago.
Now you understand that the Reba and his
wife miraculously saved from the Nazis.
They couldn't get a visa to go along
with the previous Reba and his entourage
of 11 people in total.
And and and the previous tried getting a
visa for him, but it didn't work out for
whatever reason.
So the Reb makes his way to Vishi and
then to Marseilles or Marseilles and
Vishi, whatever. And he's saved because
the the Jews were running there and and
and the Nazis hadn't yet gotten there.
And then someone got him a visa to go
through Portugal and he was saved.
Miraculous.
So he comes to America
pretty much a year after the previous.
The previous came in March of 1940.
Reb and his wife come May June of 1941.
So,
and I heard this I'm going to tell you
now from someone who was in in the in in
in the room in the in 770 in the time
that the night before the Reb everyone
knew he's he's arriving at the port the
previous Reb called in his older
Rabbitten Rabbi Saul Jacobson Rabbi
Simpson and Rabbi Rifkin, Rabbi
Kazanovski, a group of them, the you
know the of the Rashab who made it to
America and who were like the um the
ones who established for the previous
rebad in America and from the 1920s on.
Okay. Kazunovski came in 1923, Simpson
came in 192 um also 23 I think uh
Levittton came in 38 and and Jacob came
in 26. But these these were they were
there way before. So they laid the
groundwork anyway
and he tells them tomorrow my son-in-law
is coming. You should go greet him at
the port. He's a ye that knows
me with all all the commentaries
and he knows all printed.
This is I I heard some a few versions of
exactly but this is basically he's an a
go and learning and he's worth going to
to greet.
So you would think after surviving the
Nazis and escaping. And here is a person
who is now be known that he's genius of
geniuses. And he comes and the door
opens up in the taxi or the car that
went to bring him. And he comes to 770.
That's where he stayed until he found an
they got him an apartment on president
in New York in Cran Heights in a
building on the third or fourth floor
or he got himself the apartment. I'm not
sure. But anyway,
you would think what's the first thing
he does? He goes to see his
father-in-law, the Reb.
This isn't just a son-in-law,
father-in-law. He's a Reb. And the our
Reb considered him a Reb. Just look at
any. I mean, he considered him a Reba
like no one before in history. There's
never been a son-in-law that was more
dedicated to a father-in-law than this.
hour of the Baba. This I this I say and
I take full responsibility
and I I could document it 100,000 times
when the Gmorra speaks about the the the
the rabbi tying the shoes of the rebi as
as apprenticeship
our that's what he did thousands of
times not I don't mean literally tying
the shoes but take take a look at 1949
of the pictures where there they came to
the the dud do the citizenship with the
previous Reb. It's online that there
pictures of it and and and and and you
take a look that it wasn't the older
brother-in-law who was in the office. It
was the Reb who was with his
father-in-law. And look at the way he's
holding his hand. You have to look at
it. And it's on video. You can see it on
video, too. They always have video of
it. And you'll see that the endearment
is is is superior. Really superior. So
after everything everything I said and
everything after this is the case
the previous gives
notice he doesn't want to see his
son-in-law today.
A day goes by the next day again he's
not ready to see him. A third day he's
not ready to see him. On the fourth day
after the third or the fourth day after
he came, he saw his son-in-law and his
daughter.
Very, very strange,
right? Isn't this strange to I think
it's strange.
And
again, I don't know who said it and who
asked, but the understanding was that
the Fredba said, and remember, he wasn't
in great greatest of health. It was too
emotional for him
and he needed like two or three days of
calmness. In other words, you've
arrived. You're an you are on American
soil. You're here.
that is so overwhelming and you know and
I know some will some the babes when
they'll hear this they'll say well
mind over matter control your feelings
and greet your greet your son I don't
know one daughter who just came was
survived
that's I I that's his I don't know you
know I'm I'm a simple man I I little guy
I I don't know
fact is the facts are the facts.
In other words, it doesn't make sense
that he wouldn't see him because he
doesn't love him. You understand? But
for whatever reason, and this is a
possible reason,
there needed to be that um two to three
day pause.
So, this is all a long response, Misha,
to your to your question about
that there were whether it's by the
rashab the story with the rashab the
story the previous
there were these times when the emotions
were put on hold or uh harnessed but not
as a shittita do you understand there's
no shitta in labavich in kabadis
to not display emotion
It it it's not a
and I know this personally since we're
speaking and we're fraing here.
I know this because my mash Khan
was known as the intellect of the
intellect. the genius of the geniuses in
in in in
especially right and if you ask many
students and many
people that you you meet in
I know some of them will say well
yeah he's a genius but you know I
couldn't develop a relationship with him
you know he he was too too intellectual
and I'm not that way or you know he
didn't he gave me a cold shoulder and
stuff like that
and it's I could tell you as an insider,
as someone who in a sense spent time in
his house, not just in his classroom,
it's completely wrong.
There's a time for a shir there's a time
when a person is totally lost in thought
and that's not the time of kissing and
hugging. I'm sorry. It's just a you're
in a different world. There's the right.
It it you know those that are a that are
you know that that that that do do 10
things at one time don't do anything
right.
But so many times
he expressed
physical
um maneuvers and the wrong word physical
um aspects of of love and kiru that I
felt that shows he's a very warm person.
You just need to know how to get in.
Do you understand? And and this is
important because it comes up today, you
know, with the youth. My rebi, my
teacher, my father, and my mother.
Maybe your father is so busy running
around to make parnosa
that he's hardly home. You think he
doesn't want to be home. He doesn't want
to do the homework with you. He doesn't
want to cuddle up with you on the couch.
Of course, he wants to,
but he's overwhelmed.
So it's not fair to box someone in into
the, you know, the cold emotion
emotional style again. Does it exist?
Absolutely. So that's my long answer,
Moshe. And you got me to fabbrang again
today
which is important because these these
iss these these ideas that we're
discussing are very important to to
Yiddish and also toidis and also to us
as as parents grandparents and and
leaders you know in the community you
know is a doctor imagine a physician
that shows you know so much kiru and
love to patients there needs to be a
distance he is the physician. Otherwise,
they become pow-wow pow with you and
they want you to do things that you
shouldn't be doing and they and they
want to tell you what to do and it it
becomes a mishmash.
A teacher, a leader, a doctor, a rabbi,
a person in a in a author authoritative
position needs to to remember that. And
like what I always would say to my kids,
I am not your friend. I am your father.
Doesn't mean I'm cold. I'm far from
cold. But you have, you know, I'm a
father. A father is a a father. A friend
is a friend. I don't know if you guys
agree with that, but
I think it worked for me, you know, in a
in a certain certain sense, you know. I
think
any comments from the peanut gallery
here.
I didn't know what Mos was referring to.
Having not read The Chosen.
You have not read The Chosen
in school. They didn't make you read it.
Oh, I read a lot in school, but not The
Chosen. Wow.
So, did you Okay, whatever. But you've
heard you've heard about it, right? or
not. I've certain I certainly have heard
of it and I I I've heard that the author
and I think they made a movie about it.
Of course. Yeah. I interviewed the
author in Marian Station in Philadelphia
for my book conversations with novel.
No, it's it's it's a it's not a
historical
it's a novel. No, it's a novel novel.
And and and uh the person he wrote the
book My Name is Usher Lev as well,
right?
Kim Potech and there he depicts aid and
it was an artist they say it's my wife's
great uncle the brother of Rab Mendel
Futafas his name was Hendel Lieberman
one of the first kidic artists or the
first kasidic artist Hendel Lieberman so
Rabbi Shtov may be well from
Philadelphia
was you know Kim Pot lived right you
know right there Marian station so they
knew each other and his conflict I think
to the rebba was although his wife
Potc's wife was from Crown Heights. So
he would come to Crown Heights when he
was dating her. So, you know, he knew
the the scene, you know, a little bit.
Um, so Shtov introduced him. This is
what they say to to Hendle Liberman,
Hendle Futafas, the artist, and then he
based on that he wrote his novel, My
Name is Usher Lev. That's that's what
they say.
Um,
since we mentioned that and he he's nam
you know how you know how I got to
interview him was uh I'll say it very
shortly the story this was at the height
of the Msiah controversy in Kabad
and when I called him he said I don't
want to have anything to do with with
Kabad now you guys have your internal
issues and just leave me out of it. It
it was like too much
you know and and and I needed his
interview you know the book was called
conversations with the rebba I
interviewed 14 leaders reform
conservative orthodox different who had
connection with the rebba
shamir I I went down I was in Tel Aviv
and I interview I interviewed Shamir for
example now from Turski
so I I really but PC was another you
know because he was like the
conservative he was very he was
considered he considered himself
conservative. So I wanted that was
important. And he was also a prominent
writer and very well known on and on. So
so he says he's not giving me the
interview. So I'm thinking to myself,
what could I do to get him to give me
the interview? So he happened to mention
in one in the first call that he's busy
now call him back in two weeks cuz his
brother Shimman is ill. He's sick. He's
not well and he's occupied. So after the
second time I called him when he
rejected and he said I'm not giving you
the interview. I don't want to be part
of you guys, right? You know, I'm just
want to distance myself. I said I wrote
back I faxed back to him. I think I
said, you know, send send me your
brother's name. I want to d him for him
at the Reb's Oel for Abraa.
Immediately immediately I got a fax back
with his name.
the next phone call he gave in the
interview,
you know.
Is that is is is there a video of that
interview or No. Did I what? Uh um is
there a video of of the interview? No,
cuz I only I only recorded them on tape.
It was It was before the It's a big
kaval. Rabbi Lipsker from Florida,
Olivitzk
Shamir. So I said to him, Rabbi Lipker,
the book is verbatim. And you see in the
English, I I I didn't correct. I I I
like I, you know, even someone spoke a
little not proper English and whatever.
I left it. I wanted it to be authentic.
So I said, you have the entire interview
with Shamir there. He says, I have to
hear his words. I have to hear his
voice. I never found it. I must have
thrown it out, you know, once when we
went when when tapes went obsolete. I
didn't or maybe I still have it
downstairs in boxes. Who knows where
they are. But um um so much it wasn't it
wasn't on video. It if I would have had
those 14 those 14 interviews on video
would be in it would be great today, you
know. It would be it would be viewed by
thousands of people. But it was um so
I'm saying with
you know in hindsight like you know I
feel like you know I helped this nishama
you know to to connect to you know to
connect to who he really was in his in
his youth. He was a he was an orthodox
boy. Kimotech was not considered he was
orthodox till he went you know I think
to JTS and you know he okayra have a
great chabas and we will see everyone on
Monday mashem and hopefully we will
learn tata
okay thank you very much chabas good
chabas bye-bye good chabas everyone
regards bye Hey.