Emotional Bathroom Break: You Deserve Space to Feel, Inner Peace #173

Welcome, welcome everyone to another Wednesday night, the fundamentals to gain inner peace with your host, Coach Man Bernfeld. Tonight's topic, emotional bathroom break. You deserve space to feel. And I wonder what you thought when you saw that topic. We've been spending the past few weeks discussing letting go, the concept, the idea of letting go emotions. And we're learning we're learning something new that it could be that we want to get rid of something for many years of a certain emotion or something that we're holding on to story could be a belief about ourselves. And what we're learning is to the way to let it go is actually to allow it to embrace it to bring it in. So there's there are many ways you know we discussed um the parts to listen to it. Don't push it away. Listen and to allow it. Spend some time with it. sometimes inner child but the idea is not to push it away. So you might say but I don't want it exactly but the the way how it's going to slow down, calm down, quiet down and slowly let go is through allowing it to be and not fighting it. So that we could understand. um the past two weeks we discussed the Sedona method with a few with a few questions three questions basically first you feel you allow yourself to feel and for many that's that itself can be a a challenge and we've learned you know in the past on this journey how to feel we're learning feelings how to feel but step number one is feel. And then once you allow yourself to feel, you can ask yourself, could I let it go? Would I? And when? With the three questions, there's a shift. Something happens. We don't have to know exactly what, but there are some shifts that happen. And you through allowing it, you can let it go. But that's only after that step number one of allowing yourself to feel And we discussed for those who have a hard time feeling that itself could be a belief that itself could be a feeling. So, so um that's okay. You know, if you see yourself in a place where I don't know what I'm feeling, feel that. What does it feel like? I don't know. Just close your eyes and feel it. And okay, so we'll continue mitem um something that you're holding on to some beliefs or maybe something that you don't like in your life. Usually that's a an emotion and we'll we're going to continue to let it go to release. Okay. So before we get started, let's get grounded. Come into the room. Come into the space. Here we are. And just become aware of what your day look like. How did you get here? Become aware of your surroundings. Where you're sitting, you're in the car listening to the recording or whatever it is. Just become aware of the moment. And then you can close your eyes and turn inwards to see where is my body? Where am I? Feel the chair you're sitting on. And just become aware of any sensations, any feelings that you have in your body. Take a deep breath in and out. any tightness, any pain, calm, quiet. Just be aware of what your body feels. You might want to stretch or just sit still. And whatever it is, we're not changing it. We're just being aware of it. Beautiful. Deep breath in and out. Okay. Okay. So, if you can take a moment and just see how you're feeling and if there are any emotions or something that you're holding on to. So, let's sit in this moment for a minute and just become aware of things that are bothering you, things you would love to change, things that you're working on ready for a long time. or any emotion, something you're holding on to. Could be anger, a belief I should be doing something else. I should be somewhere else. Things should be different in my life. And I believe everybody has something And somebody mentioned to me they've been doing they've gone to help and healing for a long time but nothing has worked. It's just not working. So that itself can bring up feelings. How do you feel about it? Just be aware of you can be frustrated, upset, anxious. Just being aware of that feeling that comes up and that story that you're holding on to the belief. Okay, hopefully you have something, some idea. Doesn't have to be big. You can write it down. So the concept of letting go is not something new to us to our body. We do it every day. And we're just going to discuss a few examples just to see how we constantly hold on and let go. Number one is our breathing. Deep breath in and then we let it go. We breathe in and we breathe out. Nobody had to teach you to just that's how it works. You hold on, take a deep breath and then you let it let it out. And uh I was thinking about it for a while. The concept of emotions itself number one is for many people they have to learn what it is. Is it something that I could feel? So that's step number one, just learning how to feel. And we've been doing this for a while now of understanding emotions that those feelings that come up, sensations or everybody has their the pain in their stomach, shoulders, the jaws, you have different feelings. Those are from stress, from emotions that come up. So you can actually feel them. So the concept of taking a break during the day, some people take a cigarette break and I used to think to myself, why should they get a break just because they smoke and I don't smoke so why can't I have a break? So I decided, you know what? I can go outside for two, three minutes, stand outside, just look at nature, take a deep breath, and then then go back in back to work. Taking a break. And it's important. People need it. For kids, we train them. Yeah. Toilet training, for example. The first, you know, till they're trained, they don't know. They just do it whenever they want. They release whenever they want. They don't have the concept of holding on to it and waiting for that right spot, the right place. You go to the bathroom and when it's the right time, they release. So they learn. You have that little kids takes time. Some learn faster than others. They learn that now I have to hold on and now I let go. So your body feels the feelings and you learn how to let go. The same concept is with emotions. When emotions come up, we feel it. And we were taught when we're young that just hold on to it. There's no place to talk about it. There is no place to release it. Or we don't even know that there's a concept of releasing So we hold on and what happens when you hold on too long it doesn't last and that's where pain chronic pain and uh different illness different beliefs of just because I have to hold on to it. So I think you know it's something that I was able to understand. This is more physically and this is more emotionally but we're trying to get the emotional concept in a way that you can actually look at it physically. Can maybe not physically but you're starting to feel it in your body. So you're identifying it. Many times you can even ask yourself what shape it is. What color? What's it does? Is it hard? Is it soft? So, you're actually taking we're learning how to take that emotion and looking at it, feeling it, seeing it, and it becomes something that we can deal with. Once we can deal with it, we can learn how to release, to take a break once or twice in the middle of the day and take an emotional bathroom break. So it could be that safe space we discussed a while ago. Just have your place where you can sit and just relax and you do whatever whatever works. We'll see soon some concepts, some ideas of what we can do that helps to release. So that's the concept. So letting go and releasing like we've learned in the past is not something that you push. It's not something that you try to run away from. It's just opposite. You allow it. You welcome it. You sit with it. You lean into that discomfort. You lean into it. Don't run away. Just it could be for 2 minutes. You don't have to stay there the whole time. Just for 2 minutes you sit down and you feel what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? Just see if any answers come up. There's no right or wrong. So again for beginners the feelings something you have to learn what is a feeling and you sit with those thoughts even though you're not sure what to sit with you're it's okay stay there and even if you don't feel allow that not feeling to be you might have the urge to run away but stay there. Okay, just a second. Okay, so let's see what are some concepts, some ways that people can do to release. So here we go. Here are some simple examples of letting go. But really, it's seeing how we automatically let go if we allow. If you don't fight, I think it's really we have to stop fighting. If there's something in your life you don't like, you might be fighting, trying to change it, been trying for years, it's not working. Let go. What does that mean? Stop fighting. allow it to be. So the example that we discussed breathing so everybody knows breathing. So these are these are some examples that we do automatically. Number one breathing. Number two is a good example. A kid throwing a ball. If you think about it, when a kid wants to learn how to throw a ball, it takes time. They don't know when to hold it, when to let go. But just holding that ball or small ball in your hand, you're holding on to it and then you want to throw it very far. So you swing back. You're still holding on. And then you put force and you know exactly when to let go. So it flies. That split second. It's a skill. Just letting go. Another another concept is blinking. We keep our eyes open. We're looking and once in a while it blinks. It needs that little bit of of a reset. Let go. Let it blink. Sleeping. Those people who try very hard to fall asleep usually don't fall asleep because you can't push. the more the harder you're working to push to be able to fall asleep, you're not allowing yourself to fall asleep. So, you have to do just the opposite. Just take a deep breath and stop trying to fall asleep. Digesting food is another interesting concept. you know, while you're chewing, you're working on it, you're doing yours, and once you swallow, you have no idea what's going on. Nothing. It's not up to you. So, you let go. Your system takes care of it all by itself. Look at that. Letting go. Um, crying. Crying can help releasing. um stretching your muscles, doing some exercise. So those are some concept of seeing how we let go automatically without thinking. Now we have to take it to our emotions. Once we understand emotions, we understand what it is, we can learn how to slowly let go. So here are some concepts, some ideas of how to just a second. So number one physical exercise physical u moving your body physically let's say you you do have an emotion let's say you feel stress anxiety you allow yourself to feel it and then you can do some stretches you know stretch your muscle walking in nature helps you release dancing moving your body and if you want you and scream in a pillow. Sometimes that helps just letting it out with your breath. We have done in the past the voo sound. Let some sounds come out. Or it could be singing a song. If you see me singing, you know I'm stressed. My family knows that. Like what's going on? Not always, but sometimes. But that could help, you know. But sometimes I'm aware of it, sometimes I'm not. Um, journaling, taking a pen of paper, writing, freewriting without, you know, any judgment. Just write whatever is on the paper, whatever comes to mind. Spill it out on a piece of paper. You can write and then tear it up. That itself could help. tearing it up, throwing it away. And um some people they there are spiritual ways. I personally know um some therapists that when you go from one therap client going to the next sometimes they feel they need to just uh release because talking to somebody when they have a lot of stuff going on a lot of emotions just by listening to it you can start feeling and you're carrying stuff with you. So before you go to the next client, they have, you know, things that they do in between clients. Again, it can't be for too long obviously, but even taking a bathroom break, taking a drink, eating something, you know, deep breathing for a minute, all of this can help you release what you picked up and start fresh. And that's what we're looking for. Some people have these, one therapist said that they go to the mikvah, but I don't think they can do it in between clients. probably once in a while when they feel they need to rel, you know, to purify, but you want to find something small that works for you. Something that you can do 2 minutes deep breathing, easy. Find a space. Again, if you you don't have a place where you feel comfortable, you go to the bathroom, close the door, and you do your emotional emotional restroom. Just release, and then you're fresh out. Start again. But if we don't do it, then you'll be you've been walking around for so many years with all of this these emotions. Time to start releasing a little bit at a time. Little bit at a time. [Music] Meditation for some people. Beautiful. Okay. So, what's something that works for you? something that you feel or you've done in the past, you can share in the chat, something that when you feel stressed, you feel overwhelmed, something that you do and it helps to release and then you go back to work. Some people have this say, "Beautiful. If that works, that's amazing. Again, if it's intentional, if you set your intention, then then you feel it. If it's something that you're not thinking about, then you're not there. Listening to music, dancing, walk in nature, even a short work walk, going outside, just connecting to the fresh air. Walking outside in this heat can be a little bit of a challenge. But I was thinking about it. Sometimes we pay a lot of money to go to the so I guess it's all the mindset and we know that if we're forced to be in this weatherm but if I choose to go toitz we'll pay $100. What changed? So basham those who have air condition here in Lakewood some people don't some electricity is off and uh it's been hard air condition I did go out on my porch for two three minutes and just imagine I paid $100 to be in this ahitz as long as I know I have the house to go in to go back in. Okay beautiful aerobics whatever works. Let's do a short guided walk through some releasing meditation yoga amazing even one capital if it's intentional you know the capital that you like you have it and anytime you feel that stress you feel it again I don't want you to run away from it you feel it step number one is always see where am I what am I feeling what's my body feeling and now that I feel it I allow the feeling. I'm not running away from it. I'm not pushing it away. I'm allowing the feeling. And what can I do just to feel a little bit better to let it go, let it be? Amazing. Okay. So, let's do this exercise short and sweet. Let's become comfortable. Take a deep breath. You can close your eyes if that feels good. if it feels safe. And a deep breath in. Slow deep breath and a deep breath out. Beautiful. One more time. Deep breath in and let it go. Beautiful. That's the first letting go. You just did automatically. You did nobody have to tell you how to do it. You just let it go. That's what letting go feels like. Natural, safe, just allow. Let's do it again. Take a deep inhale. Gentle inhale and slow exhale. Ah, let it go. Now bring your awareness to your hands. Make a tight fist. Both hands really really tight. Just feel it. Feel it and let go. Release. Feel how you can feel the energy. Just feel it. Beautiful. One more time. You take your hand. Squeeze. Just feel yourself squeezing it. Feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel. And now let your fingers soften, open and relax. Just feel that feeling. Feel the difference of holding on and letting go. You don't have to do anything. Just release. Return to that easy easy state. That's what it feels like to release, to let go. Now, think of something that you're holding on to, a thought, a feeling, or even just a pressure. Pressure around something. You don't need to fix it. Just breathe with it. And on the next exhale, let it go. Deep breath in and exhale. And you can say, "It's okay. Let it go." And just feel what it feels like. You might feel some movements, some shifts, you might not, but that's okay. Just become aware of what it feels like. Beautiful. That's what it is. That's what letting go means. Allowing, seeing it, feeling it, being there with it, not trying to push it away, and let it go. What does letting go mean? It's a good question. By now, you should know the answer. What does letting go mean? let it be because we don't realize the stress, the pressure is because we're fighting, we're pushing, we want to get rid of it. It's been so long. You can allow yourself to take a break for a few minutes and let it go. Let it be. and just let it be. I know you don't like it, but it's okay. And then see what happens. Usually there's a shift. Usually things calm down. It relaxes, becomes a little bit soft, and you can see it moving. That's what we're looking for. You've been holding on to it tight, stored away in a very, very deep place and not allowing it to come out because it's scary or for whatever reason. Amazing. Okay, so that's it for tonight. Any questions you can put in the chat. Let me know if there were any shifts, any insights, any ideas that came up. Or if you feel numb, you've been coming here for a while and you don't feel any difference. That's a feeling. Or if you don't see any move any movement that's a feeling just stop and see it. You feel restless. So you raise your hand to ask a question. I'll unmute if you want and you can ask a question. Just a second to make sure I hear you. Here we go. No, I can't hear you. Hi, good evening. Thank you so much for letting me ask. Thank you. I wanted to ask you what how how can I for example if I do for example a dinner for Shabbat, right? like I invite a lot of people and I put a lot of effort into it and everything and and I know it came out beautiful but it's like I feel like like as you said you know sometimes like numb it's like I feel like I should I should be overjoyed like really enjoyed so much and I don't I don't feel that closeness that ecstasis that you know like I don't give myself credit for everything that just just happened, you know, it's like Yeah. Yeah. So, um it's it's so weird because it's something that I I look forward to like I have all my children, my grandchildren, my in-laws, my parents, my brother. I have every reason to be so overjoyed. Yes. Okay. So, let's do let's do the exercise. Are you ready? Okay. So, let's take a deep breath and sit with this feeling that you have that you said you feel numb. You would love to feel something else and you're wondering why you're not feeling that something else. But first, what do you feel? Let's take a deep breath, close your eyes, and just become aware of what feelings you can connect to. It's like a bunch of feelings. It's like so many feelings at the same time. Beautiful. So that is step number one to be able to sit with all of these feelings. Okay? Not trying to change it. Your thought is going to tell you it has to feel something else. But you want to spend a little bit of time with all the feelings and just feeling. Can we do that now? Yes. Thank you. Good. Good. It's you're in a safe place. You can close your eyes and just feel all of those feelings. Yes. I I can Where do you feel it in your body? I I think I feel it in my throat. Good. Good. Just be aware of that sensation. Feel it there align on my shoulders. Your shoulders. Just just go there. See feel it on your shoulders. Feel it in your throat. Just just be there. Don't try to change anything. Deep breath in and out. How does it feel now? I feel like like peace, you know. It's so weird. That was That was pretty fast. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like peace, you know? It's like sometimes I It's like Do you Do you enjoy feeling peace? Of course. Yes. When was the last time you felt peace? [Music] No, it's it's I don't know. It's I cannot pinpoint, but it's it's been a while. Um, not so long because, you know, it's like I feel peace when when I listen to myself, you know, it's like it's like so weird like it's like I I punish myself and then I I talk to myself and I say, "Why are you punishing yourself? It's not your fault." and so why why you want to suffer just because you know let it go you know it's okay and when you say let it go you're you're also you know what we're learning is letting go is nothing needs to change sit for two three minutes become aware of all of those feelings breathe in and out and just feel your body what it feels like your thoughts what it's saying punishing not punishing just be aware of those thoughts and then for some reason you start feeling at peace which is amazing and your mind might say but I want to feel that I want to feel this just be aware of it so that is step number one just allow whatever is to be don't try to change it don't try to push it somebody's asking feel it and then what the Uhhuh no you know the weird thing for me is like um it's like you can feel overjoyed and you can be so wet uh annoyed at somebody's um commenting, you know, and it's like it's like I I think I put too much, you know, focus in whatever didn't work out so nice. So like when I'm talking to you, I can understand that things can happen at the same time and like I I can choose where I want to put my attention, right? We're not really choosing. What we're doing is not choosing. We're creating a safe space to allow whatever is. And you should be doing this. Don't wait till you feel miserable. You should be doing this every day, maybe twice, just for two, three minutes. Sit down and become aware of where you are, what you're feeling, and allow it to be. And if do this every day twice, and we'll be in touch next week, you will see the shifts of your your whole day. By doing this, by seeing what comes up, by allowing, not trying to change, control and push and fight, you will learn that this new skill of connecting to it, and not fighting. Just allow the feelings to be. You're going to be aware of feelings that you do like, feelings that you don't like. And that's okay because the other way doesn't help. It makes it worse. So what we're learning is stop, create some space every day once or twice where you can allow whatever it is to be and you will be at peace and it's exactly what you're looking for. Once you're at peace, you will slowly start feeling different feelings which is beautiful and if you don't at peace is amazing. Thank you very much for asking and this was a very good you know guide people to hear that just by sitting and allowing after a few seconds you feel at peace. You might think is something wrong with me. We mentioned a while ago some people their life is the noise and the chaos and when they start feeling a little bit of peace and quietness they're like I need some life. It's okay. Take a deep breath. Thank you very much. Thank I want to thank everyone for being here. Thank yourself for taking some time off and we'll see you when it's Hashem next week, Wednesday night. Take care of yourself. Take some emotional bathroom breaks, wherever you need it, whatever works for you. And enjoy. Thank you, Rabbi. Bye. Bye.