Rabbi Binyamin Yuhanan Parenting Class 42 The Perfect Chinuch Plan 2

professional washer. I hope you will find this story worth publicizing. Maybe it will have an effect on some teacher, rebi or a parent. If it does, it will be a merit for my rebi. He deserves it. This is the end of the beautiful example. Now the author continues, "The fully significance of this story will emerge later on in the last chapter of this book. Here we will just point out the two stages of the story. The first was where the Rebi reached his students heart by the means of positive association and inspired him to want to apply the lessons he was learning. He called him a professional learner. He encouraged him. He told him that he not only knows how to do but he can even teach an adult. He praised him. But as we discussed above, that was not enough to integrate it into his real life consciousness. It never really got past the realm of theory. I would get all excited in class and then right afterwards I would forget about it and fall right back into my old ways. It's very important to educate in an inspiring way. But then it was only the second stage when the Rebi managed to connect the child's enthusiasm to his real life experience that the lesson was truly integrated and the process was complete with the child having the knowledge and wanting to do it. All of this is just the preface and background to the discussions that lie ahead. the nature of real active education. To keep the fundamental premise of this chapter in perspective without having to repeat the point again and again, we will clearly establish that for the purposes of our upcoming discussions. The term internalization refers to the fully rounded understanding that we have described here. And that is knowledge that we teach the child now the knowledge that the child now experiences as the reality of life. It begins as knowledge as lessons that the child was taught whether in terms of mousar how to behave properly self-control good character traits or whether we talk about amuna belief in God the Torah or hashkafa proper outlook on life it starts with knowledge that's veryant important, but it has made its way into the child's natural instincts, into the way he senses himself and the world around him. Now, note 152 on the bottom. This is related to our earlier discussions about the child's self-image. By integrating our values into the child's real life, we're trying to make them translate into the child's sense of self. Just like this Rebi said, "This boy is a professional handwasher. He knows it well and he can show it to you." So he created a self-image for the child that he is knowledgeable, that he is good and competent. That's how the child will view himself for the rest of his life. But in contrast to that discussion which is about how a child views himself consciously, here we're discussing the way the child's unconscious sense of self will cause him to instinctively respond and relate to the reality around him. For example, when a child draws back when he suddenly finds himself facing a dog, it is not an intellectual decision. It is an automatic instinctive reaction stemming from his sense of self in relation to his sense of general reality. His sense of self says I am small and weak. His sense of general reality says this is a big strong dog. Dogs can bite small weak children and that's going to hurt. Both together his sense of who he is and the sense of the world dictate his instinctive response. I am scared. I have to run away. The child's inner grasp of the whole experience is the result of information that he has internalized. It has become part of the way he experiences and relates to real life. To illustrate in terms of education, a child unconsciously reaches for a light switch on Shabbat and then suddenly recoils. This is an example of internalized information. On the one hand, his reaction is the result of things that he learned that it is Shabbat today and the turning on the light is not allowed on Shabbat. But this information has made it past the limited realm of theoretical classroom knowledge. The child does not have to think about it and try to remember it in order to apply it. The child's the child knows it in a sensory way. He has integrated this knowledge into his life to the extent that he recoils automatically without thought. The atmosphere of Shabbat has become a part of his natural reality and in that reality turning on a light just does not happen. This is also similar to a person who keeps kashut passing by a non-coosher restaurant and not even thinking about it and not having the slightest desire to come in because part of his reality is the fact that he is a Jew. That he is an observant Jew who keeps the Torah laws. that there is God who to gave us the Torah and in it it's written not to eat non-cosher and that's just who he is. It's no longer in the realm of decision making. He has made his decision long time ago and he has practiced. Now it is sensory. This is what we refer to by the term internalization and that is knowledge that has become integrated into a ch the child's experience of real life. Real life experience that includes both the child's perception of himself and of the reality around him. Since education is not primarily about knowledge but about real life character and behavior and since character and behavior will not change or improve unless it is internalized meaning integrated into the realm of real life and become experiment experiential knowledge. Therefore, the goal of of education is to bring the child to internalize the values we imbue in him. Connecting to this idea, we have a note on the bottom of self-image. When we talk about causing the child to internalize these values, an inherent part of that goal includes helping the child to develop a positive self-image characterized by these values. His positive self-image should be connected to the positive val values that we're trying to teach. If he doesn't have a positive self-image, there will be no connection. There's nothing to connect to. So we have to develop positive self-image. We have to develop the positive image of the commandments of mit of Torah. And we have to connect the both both of them. In other words, he comes to perceive those values as in integral part of who he is. I am good and and doing mitzvot is good and learning Torah is good. And since I'm good, I have to connect to good things. I do good things. I don't do bad things. What are good things in the world? Learning Torah is good. Being kind to others is good. Being patient is good. I'm good. Therefore, I have to do those things. It will come automatically. The goal of is to bring the child to internalize the values we imbue in him. From now on, when we talk about a child internalizing something, we do not only mean that he knows and understands it, but that that knowledge has become a part of his identity. and his reality. So much so that the child will say, "Of course I am good. Of course, this is what Jewish people do and I'm a good Jewish boy. Of course, I do it." And then he will actually look out for other things that are connected with being a good human being with going being a good Jew and his door will be open the door of his heart and his mind will be open to accept that that uh information and to integrate it. Now we have finished chapter one of the um this section fundamental uh prefaces setting the goal and we discussed that the goal of our parenting is to train the child to develop a good habit. Then to educate the child to have knowledge about the details of his proper behavior and then to inspire him all along to develop his self-image, positive self-image and to show him that whatever we taught him is good and to connect the two so that he will want to do it on his own. He will be inspired. He will connect to it. He will identify himself with this proper behavior. And then when he leaves our home, when he's no longer under our supervision, we don't have to worry. He will go on in life, continue on the proper path happily thereafter. We will stop here bazat. Next week we will do chapter two, honesty and sincerity in huh. Thank you for um joining us. Have a good night. Shabbat shalom.