Educating Through Experience

Hello everyone and welcome to the Oh, You podcast. Hello everyone and welcome to the Oh, You podcast.  Today we are pleased to have with us Rebecca   Shrag or should I say Rebecca Mayer who's with us  today. Great question to start us off. Thank you   for having me. Rebecca Mayer. Going Rebecca Mayer.  This is, yes, one of my biggest identity crises in   the OU is I've been married for over 10 years and  still am going by my maiden name. But it's because   you started, when you started here, your name  was Rebecca Shrag. So, you've been with us from   before. Yeah. During and after. Exactly. Exactly.  We're lucky to have you. So, we've jumped all the   way in already. Usually, our first question is our  hardest one. Okay. Who are you? I'm Rebecca. I am   a mom and an employee of the OU and a passionate  part of the person who's a part of the Jewish   community. Is that the answer you were looking  for? I'm not looking for any answer. Everybody   answers it differently. So it's interesting you  started with mom. It's actually something I am   working on. Being a full-time employee in an  organization you care a lot about and having   children and small children. A question that  comes up a lot is work-life balance and things   of the sort. So, I'm sure you're familiar with  those sorts of questions and. I was once asked   to speak on work life-balance and I suggested they  get somebody who knows what they're talking about.   Same but probably for a smaller crowd. Yeah.  It's something I think about a lot and I do   feel that one of the best gifts I can give to my  children is exposure to the types of work that we   as a collective OU are doing and passion for the  community that we're a part of. How many children?   Four. Four children. Ages? My oldest is in third  grade and my youngest is one. And, wow. And what   are their names? Tehilla, then Sarah, Shlomo, and  Doni. That was a test. They asked me to make sure   that you remembered. And I got them in order. You  got them all right and in order. Very successful.   And when you're not doing that, you are the Talent  Development and Volunteer Engagement Director at   Yachad. Correct. Did I get that almost correct?  Yes. And we wanted to give you a mouthful. Good.   See how it would come out. Right. And when when  people ask, hey, what do you do? Do you say all   of that? I usually don't. Okay. Also, what I've  done at Yachad has changed a lot over the years.   So a lot of times it's just easier to say. Tell us  how long you been. Professionally, 15 years, but I   got involved in seventh grade. Wow. So 16 years  ago. Yeah, basically. Right. Okay. Feels that   way. Wow. What were you doing in seventh grade?  Okay. Should we should we jump in hard? Let's go.   Okay. Ready? All the way in. Yeah. Seventh grade,  I was in Westchester Day School, and at the time,   Westchester Day School had a 7th grade Sunday  program with Yachad leading up to an eighth grade   Yachad Shabbaton. And our seventh grade program  was at Sports Time USA and I don't remember so   much of what happened but I do remember the phone  call that changed, I guess my career trajectory.   Love those. Yeah. The student activities  coordinator called my mom to say, "Today was   such a nice day and it really seems like Rebecca  connected with this population with this sort of   work. We were so happy to see." Okay, filed away.  It was a regular. Did you feel that way or it was   like a surprise? Honestly, it didn't even matter  because then I did. I got praise from an adult.   Right, You know, so I am pretty sure that I  enjoyed it, but it was more the feedback that   came afterwards that I was like, "Oh, like I guess  this is something that I connect to, that I'm good   at." And... Those are two different things. They  are two different things. You could be passionate   about something and not be good at it, or you  could be good at something and not be passionate   about it. But here it seems like you hit both.  Yes. And I actually feel like most things that   you are passionate at, you probably work to get  good at, but maybe you don't see yourself as good   at it because you hold it to a higher regard?  I don't know. Okay, we won't get too deep on   that. Should we go back to the story? We're going  to go meta. We'll go back to the story. We'll   come back to it. Okay. Then eighth grade rolls  around. My parents offered to host a graduation   party in their backyard. Which was so nice of  them. This was in? In Westchester. Westchester   is a big place. In New Rochelle or... So, I'm on  the Scarsdale-New Rochelle border. New Rochelle,   Young Israel of Scarsdale. Got it. Yeah. So you're  both. Yes. Okay. So you started with Yachad,   8th grade party, volunteered after that.  Yes. From 8th grade, I probably didn't get   back involved until Yachad came to where I was  in high school to talk about Yad B'Yad. I grew   up with the same group of friends my entire  life, who are still my closest friends today,   and all of our moms were friends, and I went  with them to schools and camps and seminaries and   college and graduate school and everywhere along  the way. Wow. And everyone was going on one summer   program. But I really loved how I felt during my  time volunteering in Yachad. What it did to me,   the person that it made me feel. And when I heard  that there was a summer program, I went to go hear   about it. I think it was me and one other kid that  came to the presentation and decided right there   I'm spending my summer with Yachad on Yad B'Yad.  How many summers did you end up doing that for?   12. Yeah. So that was a good meeting for you to go  to. It was a very good one. It was the first time   I wasn't with all of my close friends and went  totally alone. Yep, and came back as a counselor,   girls head counselor, director for many  years. Wow. You chose the path less traveled   and that has made all the difference. Okay.  Beautiful. Now, when you were in college,   you got involved with a different OU program. Yes,  so when I was at NYU, Rabbi and Michelle Sarna   were everything to to me and my group of friends.  We couldn't have asked for better role models.   Sometimes when it's like you know quiet and  you start like reflecting, I'll hear like Rabbi   Sarna's Friday night davening. But some of our  best memories were in their home and at Hillel   with JLIC and during that time I actually, I was  teaching Tanach at a high school and Michelle was   amazing. At Kushner. It was a great experience.  So, that planted some seeds to maybe not do   not-for-profit work or informal education but  go to formal education at the same time while   you were at NYU, not only were you doing Yachad,  not only were you doing Kushner, you were also   involved in some other kiruv organizations. Yes.  So, school was not the most of your time. In other   words, at that time. You found out how to balance  different things. So, I actually learned that more   in high school. I went to Ramaz, but I spent a lot  of my high school career in the student activities   center with volunteer missions and different  chesed projects. During lunch periods, we would   walk around the corner to Lennox Hill Hospital  to volunteer. There were just tons and tons of   volunteer opportunities. And actually one of the  very few phone numbers that I remember by heart is   Miss DeeDee Benel, A"H, who was running student  activities, who I was very close with. Julie,   my wife, was also big fan. Yeah. Okay. Well, she  taught work ethic. Those like 5:30 a.m. calls on   Sunday like, "Hey, is rooming done yet?" And  you're like, "Why are you calling so early?"   So, in terms of learning work ethic, yeah, I  attribute a lot to Miss Benel and a lot to my   father, who is now retired, but every time we  FaceTime him, he's still sitting at his office   figuring out like something to do. And the two.  Yeah, the two of them have pretty unparalleled   work ethic that make me feel like a slacker.  But yes, after that it seems like there was a   lot of free time in college when you're used to  day school schedules. So that's why you decided   to spend more time at NYU so you can make up more.  Exactly. More time in class and you got yourself a   master's degree. Yes. In social work. With a focus  on? I focused on siblings of individuals with   disabilities. Glass children. Amazing. Would love  to read that someday. What do you do when you're,   when you have downtime? What brings me the  most energy? I guess in terms of hobbies,   I like nature. I like animals, cooking,  travel. Do you guys have a family pet? Okay,   so we were just talking about this earlier. We  right now have fish. We don't have anything furry   at the moment. Not everyone in our house feels the  same way about animals. So, you must love animals.   Yes. How much do you love animals? I love animals  enough that I became a vegetarian when I was 8   years old. Wow. And it stuck. Was that because you  saw something that you didn't want to see? No. So,   most people credit like the OU class trips going  and hearing about how animals are shechted. I   didn't have that. Okay. It was more, I was hanging  out in the backyard with friends at a neighbor's   house and they were like, "If you like animals so  much, then why do you eat them?" And I was like,   "Don't anymore." And it stuck. Wow. That's real  commitment for an 8-year-old. Yes. Yes. And I went   hard. And you've never had meat since you were  eight years old? Not on purpose. Not on purpose.   Okay. That, you know, mistakes happen. Mistakes  happen. Yes. That doesn't include eggs and like   any animal product? Are you vegan or you're? No.  Okay. I am not vegan but I don't eat any animals   that were alive. What do you do for protein? Daven  that it comes. Okay. Yeah. Beautiful. I eat a lot   of ice. We have bitachon in protein. That's going  to be. You heard it here first, folks. Okay. So,   you graduate, you have a graduate degree, doing  some, doing a practice, you're still tied to   Yachad, still tied to all kinds of things, still  teaching, and you have basically a decision to   make. Do I continue in the nonprofit informal  education path? Do I go teacher and so on so   forth? Like, what did you, who did you want to  be when you grew up? Okay, great question. Well,   when I was asked that in kindergarten, I wanted to  be a mermaid. So, that lasted a bunch of years. By   the way, could still happen. Who knows. Anything's  possible. Yeah. And then years later, I wanted   to be a social worker because that's what I knew  from my mom and then it evolved to wanting to be   the school principal. And I held on to that for a  long time. I really wanted to be a principal. And   I always admired the energy and the tone that  the principles set in the schools that I was a   part of and I thought it was an amazing job.  Okay. Until... Are you still going to be a   school principal? No. You know what changed  that? What changed? WhatsApp groups. Really?   Yeah. People talk about like their teachers  a lot. I don't know if I have like right the   kishkas for that. It's really, it's really  something. So, being a middle child, right,   and wanting to sort of have the spotlight on  others and focus elsewhere, and then, you know,   wanting to help people in the growing professions,  it's not so surprising for you to choose a title   of talent development, right? And volunteer  development. Right. Right. I wanted to be in   formal education for so many years and it became  a joke in Yahcad because anytime I did, you know,   anytime I signed on to another year, it's like,  "Oh, and this is my last year because then I   need to go to school in pursuit of the things  that I'm going to be doing professionally."   And a mentor finally said to me, "You know,  like this is a profession? Like, you're doing   it." And why informal education over formal  education? You've been in both worlds. Yeah.   I actually felt we get so much credit and people  in formal education are doing so much hard work,   right? 10 months of the year they're investing  in their students, day in, day out, and somebody   comes on one Shabbaton or one summer program and  their life is changed. And thinking back to all my   formative memories, it wasn't necessarily things  I learned in the classroom. it was mentors that   I had or experiences or the way that I felt coming  from a program. And I felt like in a way guilty to   throw in the towel on the the formal side but  like how amazing to be involved in this sort   of work that you make such a big impact in such a  short amount of time. So don't lose that thread.   Why do you think that is? Experiential education  with less time makes maybe a similar impact or   per moment greater impact. Why is it that the  stuff you're doing with Yachad and the whole   Yachad team and across the OU, has that outsized  impact compared with, like you said, the day in,   day out, commitment of class time and homework  and grading and tests and so on and so forth?   Great question. I wish I had all the answers  because it would make my job so much easier.   But I do think, I mean you go to school because  you need to go to school up until a certain grade.   When you are choosing to do an extracurricular or  go to a summer program or a Shabbaton, the whole   element that it's something that you're choosing  to do, there's already greater buy in. I remember   seeing in one study, it's 30% of what you hear and  20% of what you read that you retain. But 80% of   what you say. And when you go into these informal  realms and you're getting people to do and to   experience and think in different ways, they're  going to retain it more because they're a part of   it. And maybe they're even seeing themselves in a  different sort of way than they were previously.   I think that that's where our job comes in as  the informal educators, is just framing it.   The experience is happening. You're coming to  rocking Yachad Shabbaton and interacting with   people that you may not have interacted with  somebody with a disability before or going to   an NCSY event and you may have only known people  that go to your school and haven't seen people   of different backgrounds. If we're able to frame  it for them and allow them to see themselves and   point out that they are acting maybe in a way that  they always hoped that they act or in a way that   they didn't know that they had the capacity or the  capacity to make other people feel or the capacity   to be a role model, that that's something that  becomes a moment for them and not just, you know,   the hour. Yachad brings the fun. We bring the  fun. Right? And so, there's a piece of that,   when somebody's enjoying themselves, camp, Yachad,  any of the other, you know, projects around the   OU or beyond, and there's a fun component and  they're experiencing it, you know, like you said,   they're doing some talking, right? They're  bringing themselves. They're not sitting maybe   passively, as we might imagine a classroom, but  they're speaking up and they're doing and they're   engaging. Even if it's one-on-one, it allows  them to bring more of themselves. Right. And so,   I wonder if it's not just experiential education,  but it's my own experience. Totally. And how do   you create the leaders of tomorrow? By  giving them leadership opportunities,   right? So if you're taking teenagers or you know  in my case earlier on, elementary school students,   and saying here be a leader organize a party  for this organization and your friends or be   a leader and come up with you know the ruach for  this Shabbaton or the itinerary for this trip,   it many times, it's the first time these kids  are being asked to be leaders. They're used to   following the adults in their life. Right. And if  we give these experiences to our youth, of course   it's going to be a growing experience for them.  It's interesting how you frame it. They're being   asked, sort of like calling up somebody's mom and  saying in seventh grade, "You know, she did this   great and we'd love to have her continue to do  that." You're being invited in. Right? Totally. So   there's a piece of that is the core of mentoring  and mentorship. You mentioned a couple times in   the conversation, mentors. How important for  your job today or how important actually for   your career to get to the point where it is today  have mentors been in in getting you here? Great   question. Essential. I have many known and unknown  to them mentors, but I'm a school person. I always   loved formal learning in addition to the the fun  outside of the classroom. But reflecting back on   all of those years, I remember very little for  most of my classes. I remember how the teachers   made me feel in the class and the tones and the  messaging that they gave off. I think that people   find mentors in many parts of their lives and it  happens naturally, but we have an opportunity to   help people identify and articulate is your mentor  somebody that you saw on TikTok? Is your mentor   somebody that you know from your community?  And helping people make good choices of like   what they're learning from who. But yeah, I think  that I have so much hakaras hatov. I wouldn't be   here today without the mentors that have been  in my life. But I also think the more that we   can get people to see themselves as mentors,  everyone has something to teach and give. What is a must-have dish on Shabbos or  Yom Tov? Okay, it depends which family   member you're asking because each of my kids  come with their requests. Wow. Yes. Specific   to each one. Yes. That's a good mom. Specific to  each one. But I feel like the most common answer   is potato kugel, which makes me want to not say  potato kugel, but it is. Okay. And we started   putting it in a Crock-Pot to make overnight  potato kugel. Got to try it. Okay. You know,   you're free to bring some in for us to try it  out. Got it. In what year did Yachad start? 1983. What is something that you learned from  a mentor of yours that you would want to   share with people thinking about coming into  the helping fields, Jewish nonprofit space?   I just wrote a piece about this and so...  Totally read it. It hasn't been published yet,   but yes. You might have actually been there  when he said it. We had an event in this room   where one of my mentors, one of my formative  mentors, Richard Joel, was here and he asked   why we refer to ourselves as "not-for-profit" and  instead we should be referred to as "for purpose."   And I think instead of being defined by our tax  status. Okay. The notion that we're doing this,   you're doing this, because you feel called to  higher mission. Right? Not that you're not here   because you don't want to make money, but you're  here because you want to be elevated. I think that   is such an important point that people think  about and people ask me all the time, a lot,   like even though it was a long time ago, oh, you  were on Wall Street, how did you make the move?   Why did you make the move? I'm working, you know,  I'm a lawyer, I'm in finance, or wherever I am,   and I'm thinking about it, but like how different  is it? How do you make the switch? And so on and   so forth. And I think the notion that people feel,  whether it's lay leaders, or professional, or   people that you're growing in talent development  and volunteer development, the more you can tie   them in to say like, "Why are we doing this?"  Simon Sinek, it's about the why. Why are we doing   this? And if the why is an elevating why, let's  go. Right. Let's get involved. Let's do it. Okay.   The way we like to end is we ask you for a bracha.  Give us a blessing. I give our OU family and the   wider community a bracha to recognize how the  community needs to be supported and the tools and   ability and passion and strength to support the  community around us. Amen. And at this time, thank   you for inspiring us, for growing us, especially  with what's going on in the world. Our thoughts   also on Israel. Our thoughts are on, ultimately  a geulah and ultimate redemption and yeshua that   everybody should be safe and protected, and that  we should keep on having these opportunities to   have incredibly wonderful talented professionals  who are dedicating themselves to their families   and also to our team. So, thank you so much.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your time.