Don't Give Up on Date Night - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] one of the most interesting things I've learned as a marriage therapist is when couples come to see me and a few years ago I noticed that the majority of couples that came to my office seeking marriage therapy had two children why is that true when you have one child it's a great thing in your life and it's really exciting you've given birth to a new child you have to raise a child you have to feed the child you take the child to school you have to put the child down to sleep at night it takes a lot of effort but after a year or so couples reorganize our lives and get used to it then what happens the second child comes along when there's only one child there would be two parents in one child but then when the second child comes around there's two parents and two children or sometimes one parent and two children and it gets really overwhelming especially for mothers better at home all day with one or two children the pressure is immense they spend so much time taking care of these new lives they don't spend a lot of time taking care of themselves and what's even harder for the couple and they spend less and less time together they're so busy / in their kids asleep they're so busy getting them up in the morning getting dressed feeding them breakfast and getting out to work they forget about each other so I tell young couples with children the most important thing you need to do right now in your marriage is spend quality time together and therefore I ask all these couples when they come to see me with marital difficulties how much time you spend together as a house without your children it used to be a few years ago I'd say well why don't you go ahead and spend one night a week with your spouse and i found it was too much my suggestion these days is spend at least one night a week every two weeks with your spouse it's so important I know everybody's so busy we're all working so hard sometimes you work during the day we work at night work on the weekends but I guarantee you the most important thing that could help your marriage is make the date with your wife or your husband put it up on your calendar and you know something you don't have to spend a lot of money going out to be as simple as taking a drive together taking a walk together but I guarantee you if you spend quality time together and re-energize your relationship they'll have a happier marriage welcome to this new series and he's a brute called marriage matters my name is rabbi daniel chamba and on the licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world will cite a missed important earrings i will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue here in the family relationship but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on the seashell