Don’t Be Afraid of Your Broken Places; That’s Where the Light Is Hiding

i want to begin the class today with reading an email that i received yesterday or two days ago two days ago after the first class monday in this mimer anila day divided leela cotara parties for aid aflame at base i'm going to read it almost verbatim good morning rabbi y first of all thank you very much for whatever you do okay goes on a few things saying a few nice things thank you very much i do business consulting and i get to speak to people from different backgrounds this is what this man writes i had yesterday a conversation with somebody a jew and he shared with me that he's unfortunately not observing shabbos i was able to listen to him he then asked me do you look down at me now that i shared with you the truth about my issues with shabbos i watched a part of your class the king is in the field how hashem is coming to us without any official dress he tunes into us the way we are connects to us the way we are this is the uniqueness of the month of ello where hashem is accessible to all and that itself helps us get closer to him it helps us realize that in any field that we're in the way we are authentically we could connect i believe that our work then in these days of the month of ello based on this mime that you taught is the same like god we should also be in the field the focus this month should be to accept every jew the way they are and really be able to embrace them that itself without any strings attached is amazing and also is what allows them to get closer just a thought i figured i will share and therefore i told them no i don't look down at you and this i don't dismiss you this is more or less the content of the email that i received and i want to say that it was very gratifying because sometimes we learn things but we don't apply them to our lives it's an idea maybe a nice idea it may even be an inspiring idea but really the purpose of everything we learn is for us to assimilate it into our system to integrate it into our daily lives and encounters and relationships with strangers and with friends with people of all backgrounds and walks of life mundane situations and holy situations to really be able to breathe it in to internalize it and to embrace it so here was an example of a drew he learned something we learned something on monday morning and literally the next day he put it into practice this is not in any way condoning or making light of somebody not keeping shabbos khasf what it is doing is allowing us to tune in to a deeper dimension of a person which ultimately allows people to be able to feel the love and acceptance and in all likelihood it only influences them in the future to be able to re-embrace the holiness of shabbos especially in our generation when we see clearly that when you want to be makaire of somebody when you want to bring somebody closer to yiddishkai to tara the path of positivity and love and affection and closeness is really in all likelihood the way to do it so let's now continue inside uh if you open your source sheet that's great if you're not pl if you're not please open it whether you're on zoom or the yeshiva.net or youtube please go to the yoshiva.net and you have the class on top thursday morning and you'll see a source sheet above the video below the video view source street download source street so you could follow it inside we learned the first chapter of this mimer anila dei di viday di li roshitavus elu which as i said was said by the balatanya on shabbos the shabbos blessing the month of elul preceding of the year 1797. published in his lakuta toyotas a very brief summation of the first chapter and then we'll continue into the second chapter and i emphasize a brief summation because there's a lot there but the point that he said was that ll begins the process we call isarusa de la sata an arousal from below anila daidi i develop a closeness a commitment a relationship with deity with my beloved one and then comes vedi lee which is primarily rishoni and kipper which is a revelation of god's malchus which is what allows the neshama whose antennas are very much sensitive and fine-tuned to feel the godly vibe that's what a soul is a soul has antennas that experience the godly vibe it's why rosh hashanah says the jewish people the soul of the jew is driven and and moved to accept the yoke of heaven one will which will continue throughout the year this is the gift of the revelation of god's malchus which is the arousal from below in the month of ello that's why ello is a nila divi said but one second we know that diarizal says that elul is the time of revelation of the thirteen attributes of compassion it's not just anila deity the arousal from below there's a tremendous revelation from above in the month of l that's why it's called the month of compassion that's why this fired them say slickers the whole month of ello even ashkenazim says at the end of ello so how can you say elul is a nila deity the arousal from below so the altitude says the answer is with another quest by ants asking another question why is elo why are all the days of elle considered regular weekdays not shabbos and yamcha what makes shabbos and yamcha unique why don't we go to work on shabbos and yamato why don't we do all the labor that we engage in the rest of the during the rest of the week and the answer is because there is a divine revelation and in order to be able to pick up that revelation in order to be able in order for our antennas to be able to absorb it to be able to become aligned with it we need to abstain from work we need to prepare ourselves you need to be in a certain state of mind state of consciousness so there's a way you dress on choppers there's a way you talk on shabbos there's a way you live on shabbos there's a way you behave on choppers and there's a things you don't do on chop it's just like there's things you do on chambers in fact your xiaomi says a it's a very interesting just parenthetically is that in the time of god which means during the second base the sages realized that there were many jews called ameyarets which means not that they were only ignorant they were not very scrupulous in following the laws of terror and there was a big problem with the tithing if you would buy grain from them or fruits or vegetables it was not sure that they did all the timing because it's a nice amount you know it's taxes two percent you have to give to the cayenne truma so that they they did but they were afraid about the other 10 they have to give to the levy and the other ten percent that has to go to jerusalem so they made that when you buy this grain and you're not sure it's called the damai the maya is two words domi the ark says what is it you're not sure and you have to re-tithe it some of the tithings you have to reduce from his meister my sushini that's so the khazal say a very interesting thing that let's say it's already shabbos and shabbos you're not going to tithe your grain because you're not going to fix your grain and you ask dharma or it's on shabbos yeah you got fruits from him you have apples and cherries and you have a lot of guests and you're serving it then you realize oh you may have not been tithed so you asked him did you tithe it so shabbas you believe him because i feel thou i'm a urets ain't a meshach shabaz a jewish soul is different but sorry shabbos already you have to tithe it if you want to continue eating it you have to tithe it but sorry shabbos aye if he was honest on shabbos and it's tithe you can eat it matsai shabbas but this was a special said for shabbos rambam says my sir that amos shabba salah of course if somebody really wants to lie on choppers they can lie on shabbos oh so we still love saharan shabbos but the point is that there's an energy there's a revelation on chaba said although asks if that's the case why is elo why are all the days of the month of el regular mundane days with such a revelation of humans which is similar to yum kippur obviously there's a big difference and this is with alternative introduces us to his classic metaphor known as the metaphor of the king in the field and the point of the metaphor was that in the mother the time that the king before coming to the city and going into his palace he goes into the field and it's an opportunity for every person all the people to come out and greet him in the field and then there's absolutely no necessity for any protection you don't have to have connections you don't have to dress up you don't have to make an appointment you don't have to be in an elevated state you don't have to be a friend of a friend of a friend who knows somebody in the palace who will get you in whoever wants as he says call me charlotte so ever once can go out and greet the king and i'm on be on behalf of the king he's present and he's present with full joy with a glowing countenance mariponum sarcasm displaying a smiling face of joy to every single person and then when he goes into the city they follow him and when he comes to the palace now it's already much more difficult to get in a person has to be ready person has to have permission there's preparations and even then you have to be worthy of getting into the palace so the altar ebba says the month of elul hashem is in the field accessible to all but just like when the king is in the field nobody forces you to go out and greet him even the king himself he doesn't have that full royal attire and that entourage and that sense of glory and aristocracy and royalty and monarchy that really inculcates in the days of yore although lives 1797 so all of russian life revolved around the tsar that sense of awe that the subjects have when the king is in the field you're not stimulated or compelled to go greet him he's just one of the boys he's just one of the buddies but if you want this is a tremendous opportunity this answers the questions on one hand we say it's a time of revelation but it's not like kim kippur it's a time of revelation of humidity but what type of revelation it's a revelation in the field god dresses up like a peasant in the field in other words he comes out to your domain the way you are you don't have to be anything else in your pure raw vulnerability and authenticity you don't have to dress up this is a metaphor the month of ello i meet you where you are in hebrew they say bigo vai nayem i look at you in the face you remember that song they used to sing in camp don't walk don't walk ahead of me i may not follow don't walk behind me i may not lead just walk beside me and hold my hand and together we will walk in the ways of a chum da da da it's probably a so so that's the idea i don't want to walk ahead of you i don't want to walk behind you so melanchola therefore doesn't turn ello into a yamta for a shabbos where if it's a type of revelation of the king the way he's a king and therefore you have to be open to it you have to be receptive to it and if we have to remove the garments of mundaneness i have to abstain from the 39 types of labor that are forbidden on shabbos because each one of them really is a contradiction it would undermine the energy of shabbos but the uniqueness of elol is it's a tremendous revelation but what type of revelation the king is coming into my zone to my space into the field with the pitchforks and with the shovels and with the hose and with the axon and with the plowing and the planting that space he's in the field accessible to all and in a very very calm fashion i want to get to know you i want to connect to you but you have to initiate you have to be interested if you're not interested you're not interested if you're interested there's a unique opportunity for a relationship that is extremely powerful vulnerable real simple and authentic this answers the questions it's arusa it's even though there's a tremendous revelation and it's very different than young kipper it is considered a regular weekday in order to explain this more dalton says what does it mean the his galaxy what does it even mean is the revelation and he started to explain this the concept of yoyo kale it says into hilliman halal hashem hashem shines his light and he explains that this light is the light of infinity valley it's the light of hashem and the light of the fire the light of the sun is a direct continuum of the sun and it reflects the power of the sun that the light that vayar lano represents infinity itself and this exists and shines in every jew that's the hizgalos of that's why a jew is called israel israel means sarkeel the kale the aspect of kale hashem kale hashem vayar lono as we say in halal so this israel the kale is a siren which means what what really rules the jew who is the prince who is the king in the jews life it's kale a jew's posture is a manifestation of infinity of the light of hashem and yud israel means that it's perpetual it's constant it's not just on shabbos or yamato but it's constant the state of the jew but it can be eclipsed but even when it's explicit every single jewish salt has the kale in it the light of divinity infinity which gives life to your godly soul and it's why you have this natural connection that's even beyond rationality and intellectualism because it's a complete oneness like a child banim atamalake with the child is like the leg of the father the knee the leg the foot of the foundation says what's the metaphor here the metaphor is that a foot is never disconnected from the head it's completely one entity nor does a foot even have its own desires a leg doesn't have a separate separate personality my brain wants one thing and my leg wants something else and we're busy fighting that means i'm a very sick man physically in a healthy person the foot the leg the heart the arms all the limbs and organs and the brain are all unified because it's one singular organism there's no separation there's no separateness barak haired a child and a father are one and when you say a jew is a child of hashem it means that in the ultimate space the jew doesn't even have another desire it's not this two separate desires his desire and my desire and the ultimate truth of who i am israel where the kale is the tsar is completely one i'm a channel for his desire for this i have to go in deeper into myself that's the revelation of this which is uniquely and emphatically expressed in elo that revelation where the king is shining his face is his pl his his plymouth his innermost will that i may become open to and become a channel for but here is the point it's in the field it's not in the palace and this is what he begins to elaborate on and explain in chapter two so in the beginning of the miami he laid out the foundation at the end of chapter one he started to explain what is his galaxy given with this chapter 2 is going to be focusing on what does it mean that it's in the field in every single person you have the concept of a settled city earmarsh of is a habituated city a city where people dwell you also have a field and you have a desert the question is where do you live do you live in the city do you live in the field or do you live in the midburg so we all understand people usually live in cities habituated places sometimes it's urban cities some of us live in suburbia but there's the concept of living in a city there's a field a field is a place where people also you go to hike you go to work if you're a farmer you take a walk you take a stroll but then there's a desert a desert you have to be equipped to hang out there because it's not a fertile place it's infertile a real desert real wilderness is a place that's not conducive for human habituation so you may go there for a few days and if you're god you can take the jews there for 40 years and serve the mana from heaven and give them the rolling stone which gives them water but generally a desert is a place there's an expression in say it's a place where adam can't live we all have these three dimensions in us i have the city inside of me the field and the desert mid bar he eretz loy zerua midbar the navajo mayo says you remember we i still remember you following me into the desert into an unsown land into a place that's not planted you can't grow anything there it's a real desert and therefore it's not a place that you can live there's no source for water there's no source of food what does this represent spiritually when i'm in a place of wilderness there's no fertility there's no growth all thoughts all actions and all words and all thoughts that are misaligned with hashem so they're misaligned with the source of life fertility growth that's the state of the desert certainly a person who blemished his or her thoughts words and actions even things that may be permissible they're not immoral or heinous but sometimes in life there are things that are completely not necessary and in no way connected to service hashem for example words that are just idle wasteful verbatim expression of zaya it's not the way of the king to other peasant-like words so sometimes there are words that are forbidden words we have words of gossip words of slander words of toxicity but sometimes the words he says it's vitamin taylor it's idle idol chatter and you won't find the presence of the king there you don't find there any refinement anything that helps people anything that's conducive to growth that's why the navi says about the desert adam does not dwell there literally he means a desert is not a place that a person ever settled in ever dwelled in pirush it means something deep ezekiel in his chariot vision myself he imagines a throne we call it the kisea covet and he says on the image of the throne i saw another image it was the countenance of an adam the adam hahelian the supernal per person who sits on the throne which is a metaphor for hashem so that says when it says in the desert lord yahshua the ultimate adam hashem doesn't dwell there kiva assalamu shahanti the passage says in truma build for me a sanctuary and i will dwell there a midbar a desert represents not we're not just talking about a physical desert we're talking here a desert that lives inside of my home or inside of my heart it may be physically very very conducive the ac may be on and they may have a sprinkler system and my pantries and refrigerators are full of food but what yosha of adam sham means it's a midbar the adam alien the ultimate adam the adam sha allah doesn't live there doesn't dwell that there's no vasanti berserker meaning i'm in a place or i'm in a state or i'm in a space or i'm involved with thoughts or words or actions that are not conduits for divine infinity sometimes it could be things that are immoral sometimes he says it may even be permissible things but there's absolutely no meaning no nothing exciting nothing fertile nothing meaningful to it there's no bonding experience so this is sometimes a person could be hanging out in this desert sometimes a person lives in this desert so you have a city that's the place where the adam lives that's the place where the shakhanti basaych where the lives then you have a desert that's off limits of and then you have the intermediary space which is the field the field is a place of fertility that's the purpose of a field melaka nevada you we go to the field we farm we sweeply plant we plow and we plant and then we hopefully harvest thresh and winnow and grind etcetera like all the melakas of shabbos during the past the first 11 laborers of shabbos that deal with processing bread which begins with plowing and planting the field but the field is not a place where the adam lives the field is a place where we go work so the field is the intermediary between the city and the desert comes alternate says the idea of elol is that the king comes into the field in order to be able to be with every single person even that jew was on the outskirts of the city he's in the field or even more in the desert yeah often southern mid by the mepharsham say are often interchangeable in tanakh even that jew who's outside of the desert the king reaches out says i'm available i'm here the eights are you it's eliza what's the advice what does this mean he makes if and what does it mean he's in the field he nexive it says tells us very powerful passage you will search from there hashem the language of the pastor parties verse hmm is speaking about exile it's part of the reading of the terror of tish above soiled bonnet bonneville when the jewish people will lose their privilege of being an heir to israel and they'll be scattered around the world and he says and from there you're going to search for god and you'll find him because you're going to search for him with all your heart and soul what does this mean would be kash to me shum there's two points it would be kashtan you're gonna search we shum and it has to be from there it can't be from here that's me from there and this is gonna be the point that he's now going to make first of all you have to search second of all me shum from there not from here but what it means you have to search god is lost you have to search you lost your keys you lost your hat you lost your phone you come to your parking place your car is gone you lost your car you lost your wallet so you have to search it's called an aveda we have a mitzvah in paris he said you find a donkey of your friend you find the shirt of your friend you find something else that belongs to your friend you have to return it to him or to her if you don't know them you take it home what does it mean that god hashem is lost because in the word to search we have the word bakasha as requesting like levakesh you want to ask to vakesh but bakasha is akhas is you have to search for god from there what are you searching for peter says it says listen to this deposit says in the opening of creation do you see harmony and my marijuana and zojar's kabbalistic sources halachic sources tanak sources he mentioned just in the last few lines beginning with chapter two if you go through every line usually has references to a few sources just a word or two words or an expression but it's interesting literally from the whole tire that's why when people learn a miami they often don't they don't grasp all of the nuances because literally in every line there could be a few quotes but he doesn't say it's a quote he doesn't say the source you just have to be sensitive to it so right now he's going to partial spirituals the posix says the first thing hashem creates the first day in the beginning god created heaven and earth the earth was void darkness was everywhere by yamir al-aqim god so god said let to be light it was light what's the next scene vayara al-akir masa araki taif god saw that the light was good what does this mean he saw the light was good and it says he separated the light from the darkness so hazal say you pierce he saw that the light is so powerful it's so good it's good to hide kitaev league nice it's good to hide you see something is so good it's good to hide to put away what does this mean and they say this is called the urhaganus the hidden light the hidden light this is the source of lignus what does this mean if it's good why would you hide it and if you want to hide it don't create it so he says it means as follows this light what's this light it's not just the physical light the physical eye was actually created on wednesday the light of the sun the light of the stars this is the light of the first day the earth of your magician he says this light referring to us this is the light the expression what is light light allows us to perceive to perceive reality light is what extends say from a source of light from a luminary like the sun or another source of light so he says this light prince which is the expression the manifestation the continuum of his inner will that we spoke about earlier in the first chapter last week's class and the summation today [Music] from the word this light representing hashem's inner core inner desire inner infinity yes is embedded it exists in every single juno exception but naturally it could be extremely concealed with saric lagalas and that's why hazal talked about there is a treasure of yirishimayum of awe of heaven that is embedded in every single jewel but you have to reveal it god saw that this earth was so powerful it was so potent legalized he hid it doesn't mean he hid it somewhere in the seventh heaven no he hid it into every single jewish soul it's there that's the era gone is inside of you you have that light in you that's the light of absolute divinity and infinity which is an expression of hashem himself like he said earlier in chapter one the light is never interrupted from the source you can't create an enterprise interruption between the light and the source if you put down your venetian blinds the rays of the sun are not going to last why because the ray of the sun is a continuum of the sun and it's a reflection of the sun and she said that's what it says it's like fire the light of the fire is a continuum of the fire it's a reflection of the fire the greater the fire the more intense the more ferocious the fire the greater the light so this is the earth of hashem himself it's not filtered it's not condensed and that's ganuz it's hidden it's the this where is it it's inside of you it's inside of me i may not be aware of it that's why i have to excavate it this is the eat sir of your shaman that i have to excavate this is the yasmi and there's somebody for whom this light is in aveda it's lost when i have something i own it and then it gets lost i don't have access to it i don't even know where it is for all i know it could be under my nose but i'm unaware of it so he says this is the idea that something is an aveda by you wouldn't mean it's an aveda this light is hidden and it's lost the object may be hidden somewhere in your home but it's lost because you don't have access to it you don't know how to find it but it's near it's just lost and it means it's also in a state of exile meaning it's not manifested it's not expressed it's not ruling your life israel means that the kale is a tsar the kale is what rules your life you're not ruled by your pettiness or mediocrity or insecurity you're ruled by your infinity i like that ruled by your infinity that's yisrael sarkeel but here is lost and it's even in gallus and golos means it's exiled that's why maestro venus says you have to search we need a shovel what's the story of life the story of life is our shavasana we're always doing ashava's evade we're returning the lost object to its owner what's the greatest lost object this hidden light that's inside of me inside of you may be lost and we have to return it [Music] he asked the question before i don't understand hashem is lost we asked hashem islam you have to search what does uncle mushi teach we're doing the songs today yeah hashem is here hashem is the hashem is truly everywhere up up down he's not lost he's not lost but you're lost i'm lost meaning this light inside of me i may not have access to it so what do i need to do i need to be cashed you search for something that's lost something that's present something that's clearly in front of your eyes you don't have to search like the gemaram soccer discusses you know biddika's comments you've searched for the comments i'm going to search for jerusalem with candles you're searching for something that may be hidden from your eyes it doesn't mean it is lost essentially it means from my perspective for me it's lost but is it's hidden it's an exile and an exile doesn't flex its muscles we're talking about the divine spark the divine infinity which is the truth of your identity as he said earlier the end of peric aleph chapter 1 that every soul has a divine spark which gives life it animates it vivifies his or her godly soul and it's what causes you by nature to gravitate to be one with the source of life to the point of complete alignment and oneness and dedication that's why we remember we spoke about this light of hashem's inner identity comes from kale kale hashem this is the light that comes from kale so it's called your kale oh because the light from kale that is inside of you that's the way kale becomes yours most of hashem's names are not personalized youth there's one exception and that's kaler ali kim it becomes eloi right hem so this is hashem becoming your god your strength your consciousness because it dwells in you to give life to your soul that's what you're looking for the god that is you that is inside of you says you have to search from there what's from there where is there not from here from there because to me literally it means wherever you are says dalton is a person cannot search for something that's lost and he certainly can't find it only in the place where it was lost if you're going to go to anywhere else besides the place where it's lost it's going to be a waste of your time you don't search for something that was lost and you certainly don't find anything that was lost only if you go back to the place where it was lost says them you have to search but from where me shame from there don't search in the wrong places we'll soon see what this means it's very powerful but i want to tell you a little story it's a telum story you know the khalam story it's a great story there was a jew from hellem and he's walking home at night and his friend is also walking home and suddenly he sees that this jew is standing they would have these lanterns that they would light up with oil with gas with coals so that there would be some uh you know some light at night in the city in the shtetl so this jew is standing by one of these lanterns and he's searching for something so his friend comes over and says yankel vazquez what are you searching for he says i lost the key to my home i can't get into the house so i'm searching for it he says where did you lose it where did you drop it he says a few blocks away she says so why are you searching here he says because here's the light the problem is that two blocks away it's dark so i can't search so i'm searching here so that altered quips about this and he says you have to go to the place where it was lost not the place where it's easy to find this is a mistake i go to the light because that's where it's easy to look for it but that's not where it was lost it was lost somewhere else are you ready to go to the place where it was lost second line from the bottom a person cannot grasp the light of hashem the light of the face of hashem that the love and the or next column page 64 column 1 the place that it was lost from all data as the navi says means let us search search through our ways i have to search base what does it mean to be able to go to that place what does it mean to go to the place where i was lost so he explains a fast space a person has to be able to look through the mass of one's actions the buddha of one's words makes your voice of one's thoughts that have passed which are not aligned which are not good the zeal will be kash to me over there i have this is the ideal because i'm when you say this it's something that you could point your finger at my beds and therefore the real they can only say on hashem like they said zekely van veyo after the splitting of the sea and the shira this is my god and i will adorn him because the whole world is filled with his glory so wherever you are you could say here clippers but the place of shells and husks and cover-ups that's called sham it's not here it's there because by definition it's about hiddenness it's camouflaged it's covered up there are husks there are shells there are concealments the definition of hashem is truth truth never has to hide truth is everywhere truth is always it's right here lies you have to cover up lies are always there i never i can i can never be upfront with you i can never be straight with you i can't look you in the eyes and say this is it you know when you're hiding something it's always hidden you're always covering up you always have excuses irrationalizations and another story and another story and then you need a story to cover up that story like they say a liar has to have a good memory somebody who speaks the truth enough to remember anything what you see is what you get so he says the real zea is a la cosa lucas is real there's no cover-ups it's the real thing clippers always shum it's always there where is it there where can i speak to him he's not here he's there where he's dart dart and dart and darting it's always shum gives you a few lines of references to different sources and zaya and other works of kabbalah and other my mother to explain this more so let's just so it's a few lines that go into different different aspects but i wanna i wanna stay focused on the theme so go a few lines later the line starts just like five lines later is hashem took us out from there it doesn't only mean from there from egypt he took us out from the concept of sham you don't have to anymore live in the place of there you can live here don't live there shum live here that's what vegas means vegas means that i'm always living here i'm living in the presence i'm not busy denying a major part of klippe is always denying always going somewhere else i'm not fully here i space out i'm detached because it's too painful for me to be here there's a reality i'm covering up and therefore i could never be fully present i'm always in a place of shame i'm never fully here but god is always that which is right here right now full presence what a powerful idea the difference of ketucha and clippers clip is never fully here it's always there you have to look and douche is always uh here so he says you have to be able to go to sham to search somebody whose thoughts words and actions are blemished and by the way it may be their fault it may completely not be their fault search from the hainu fashion i have to be able to go into my actions be able to go into my life see that which is not aligned to me daisy then is person really will experience a sense of frustration a sense of sense of pain vias available this is from the after of a fast day you shayah navi perique nun hey you remember he says let a person have the courage to abandon his path return to god viracha what does this mean and hashem will have compassion on him but al-triba says something else doesn't only mean god will have compassion on you it means you need to have compassion on god the yahshua hashem listen to this literally we translate return to god and he will have rachel on you she says that's not the literal that's not that's one meaning that's the literal meaning but there's something much deeper the joshua return to hashem and have compassion on him who is the hymn the hymn is the last one you spoke about who do you speak about hashem you will have a yashev shruva is having rachem on hashem why do you need rachel because that spark of hashem is inside of you that's what you're having compassion for you're having compassion for yourself for your divinity for your light for your urhaganus the yoshif that's what truvia is everyone learns you'll return to god viraca mayu and he will and he hashem will have compassion on the person on on the person who's doing trivia he says no viracha mayu is the person will have him on him who's the hymn the last hymn that was mentioned in the past you will trigger you will arouse tremendous compassion on the divinity inside of you the spark of godliness inside of you which is in a state of exile alzheimer's says for yaakov who redeemed avraham what does this mean yaakov represents compassion of ram represents love it's the compassion that you have for your own haganus that liberates your love it allows your love to flow nick that's why he's called our father we all have that love we inherit the dreams of our father we are the genes of our father for leo is and then you could become the person you are the child who's a leg an extension of the fatherly bottle village to become completely submerged and aligned with god's will so what does ubiquisha mean in a practical way it means something and this is this is going to be our final point um means don't be afraid to look at the broken places my keys were not lost here under the light my keys were lost over there where there's no light moisture says uh what are you looking for you're looking for your divine infinity that's been lost you have to look at the place where it was lost can you go back to the place where your light was lost that place that space where the brokenness happened where the loss happened where the gullets happen we often look for all the good things in the good places but that's not where you lost it i didn't lose it in the good places i lost it in that space in that moment when i experienced disappointment betrayal and the fact that place may be so deeply hidden that shum may be so beneath the surface so beyond my radar i don't even know about that moment or those moments and i'm not necessarily talking about one moment of abuse sometimes it's accumulative experiences over years but al-taraba says will be kash to me means i have to be able to search for the aveda in the wilderness in the mid bar or in the field where it was lost not in the place where it's all dandy and great and luminescent that's not where you lost your key it's not where you lost your light it's not where i lost my origamis so i have to really be able to go into that space to be able to look at that space it's not easy it's not easy it's it's meaningful it's powerful but it's not always easy the place that the way out of pain is through pain the way out of pain is through pain it's hard for us what does this mean in a person's real life we often don't want to go to that place but if i don't go to that place if i don't go to my broken place my most vulnerable place where the wound happened i'll never be able to find my light because that's where my light got stuck that's where it's stuck i'll turbo here in five words puts in here 50 years of psychological 100 years of psychological research you know the story with the two jews in the hospital this is a good one there were two jews who suffered from gout mentioned they were in the hospital sharing a room the doctor comes in for you know checkups he goes to one of them a non-jew one of them was a jew one of them was an andrew he says no show me the show me the foot so he sticks out the foot and the doctor starts looking and poking and the poor man is screaming from pain i the doctor tries to relax somebody has to do what he has to do in order to be able to examine his condition and figure out what to do for the future he finishes with this patient he goes over to the jew and he says give me the leg that is hurting and the jew gives him one of his legs and the doctor starts poking around and searching and poking the jew the patient doesn't utter a sound for a half an hour the doctor is touching and feeling and turning and poking and removing skin and the jew is quiet the doctor leaves and the gentile turns to the jew he says i don't understand you how do you have such self-control i've been with you a few weeks you're actually a coward the slightest sensation of pain you screaming much worse than not me and here the doctor for half an hour is poking around your gout and you don't utter a sound how did you do this a miracle and the drew looks at him and he says i showed him the healthy foot what do you think i was so stupid to show him the foot that was sick so why should i scream in life it's so easy to show everybody my healthy leg my healthy foot the problem is that at some point in my life or at some points in my life or certain experiences in my life my infinite light what does it mean my infinite light let's translate everything into our lives my sense of self as a manifestation of divine infinity my fully erect posture which is a ladder that begins with heaven and comes down to earth has been broken it's been compromised it's been blemished it's been affected and that light went in not only to hiding but it got lost i don't have access to it and i'm living in a place of shum not in the place of ze i'm always there i'm not here i'm spaced out i'm detached or i'm angry or i'm frustrated or i'm depressed or i'm sad i'm not here i'm not fully here or one way of dealing with it is i just detach i detach i don't want to be grounded anymore it's too painful and and those of you who understand what i'm talking about you know how deep these experiences are so dr ebba tells us the king coming into the field means he doesn't say come to the city come to the place of no i'm coming into your place i'm going to help you go into your place go into your desert go into your field and i'm going to be there will be cash to me shum over there over there you're going to find me it will be cashed i mean you have to search i know you have to search because it's not easily accessible but where should you search search me sean don't be afraid of examining all those words all those thoughts all those actions that i have done and been involved throughout my life that don't reflect this oneness because they have the key they hold the key to the brokenness to the devastation in some people's life that that pop some people's lives that means i have to be able to go into those places where my light was concealed where i couldn't feel the love anymore and therefore i said goodbye i covered it over and i started to create substitutes never being in touch with my real self now is the time of bakashta misham can you go there can you experience it and you'll find that over there in that wound your light is present it got stuck and it's waiting to come out that inner child is waiting to come out remove the rubble remove the debris it's been waiting there it's not gone it's always there the light could never be obliterated and let it emerge and let it fill your soul let it fill your life so that you transform your shum into any questions you cannot mute yourself or you could put it in the chat okay question number one is this a concept that applies only to jews or is this a concept that applies to every single person so like everything everything in exidus on one in one way or another applies to every person not only to jews but the question is how to phrase it in the right terminology to put it differently every person in the world was created in god's image so every person has to find that sellamala kim and every person has a soul not every person has a jewish soul there's something unique about a jewish soul and this mimer is obviously speaking to a jew in the context of the month of elul and rosh hashanah and yem kippur like much of the toyota and speaking about the uniqueness of the jewish soul but the concepts are applicable to every person again you have to know how to present it in the right way without diluting the truth of it so the concept there is not only a jewish concept the concept is true for every single person like every single concept in exodus but the language is going to change the language here of israel sar kale what a jew is brachara davua that's going to be different with an andrew but the concepts the truths of it relate to everybody next question this is an important idea people don't realize this is an important idea next question maybe what some people experience as existential angst is actually this idea of kashta you are so good that's beautiful what people experience as existential angst is this idea of obikashtan exactly the searching is being driven from the light within but it remains an angst because they are looking everywhere besides for the place that it was lost maybe our job is to be the field for every single jew and every single person and not just in the month of ello yeah that's exactly our job our job is to be able to be that field and to be able to go out to that field where people have to search and to be able to be accessible for them but this is what you're saying about abhikashta misham is really on target the whole existential angst that we have is it's a search and the search is being driven because i have a hidden light and i know it's there and it's pulling me it's like find me find me find me light calling on to you the high multi but i don't sometimes don't know where to look i sometimes don't know how to look sometimes you need help sometimes i need help searching sometimes i need real help searching i need a support system i need a mentor i need a friend i need a coach sometimes you need i also need professional assistants to be able to go to those places you know with real real trauma real real trauma they literally talk about this concept literally what although says here the trauma is stuck it's stuck inside of me stuck in my body and in that drama is hidden all my light and my creativity but it's all stuck and when i release it will be cash to me i release it i can become a person next question why is the opposite of and not poi like in the dreidel right nez gadol i think paul means here zem means this it's even deeper paul means here shall means there so yes the opposite of sham is poi but says even deeper z is this with hashem you can always say this because godliness is the truth of every reality so you can always say not only po but ze za includes paul is it wrong to look to the world for light instead i'm always looking to the world to find light i don't know what you mean to the world which world do you mean the outer world of the inner world i don't know which world you mean the whole world is god's world so it's good to look at the world but you have to know what aspect of the world to look at question does the ultimate goal of revealing one's light apply only in the present life or in alam haba okay you have to join us much more often and then you'll have the answer of course it's all the present life for sure but of course the present life we're talking about the present life of course for sure but we're talking about this world the present life the the light is hidden in this world next question beautiful questions you speak about desert field city we were meant to live in cities the basal migration was in the city the city our food comes from the field a less habitated place plant food animal food all comes from the field terror was given in a desert our nation was molded in a desert so maybe what this means is that when hashem revealed himself to us it was in the desert to tell us that torah could be found even in the desert yes that's beautiful beautiful the shallow writes aries when the lion roars who will not fear arya is an acronym yoim kippur and yes but here we're learning about the king being friendly in the field that's not how i always understood ello i always understood l as a very scary month a month when the lion roars arie ello and you're telling me that god is my friend and he's in the field and he's smiling and he's accessible you're contradicting everything i ever learned about the month of ello i love your question i love your question good good thinking good thinking so the truth is that of course elul is a serious time l is a time of introspection l is a time of reflection l is a time of getting closer to our truth but the altireba is giving us the soul of elo the soul of elo is not about dread the soul of elol is about love the soul of hell is not about god trying to scare you like a lion the soul of elol is god wanting to be one with you that's the solavello the soul of elul is the infinite love and trust that hashem has in every single jew the secret of elohim is that i come out into your field dressed in your garments speaking your language accessible to you on your terms dressed in your attire relating to you where you stand today in order for you be a for you to be able to connect to me in the most authentic raw and vulnerable fashion so at the core of elul is and anila divided lee is the ultimate expression of love in the song of songs you could look it up and thyrizal is the one and the raham and the bach creator shoinum and makabalam who connect us to elohim is revealing to us the essence of hell is a tremendous relationship of love the fear that we talk about an elo is a fear that comes from love and if you want to understand more about this fear i'm going to ask you to please listen to the tuesday morning class this week it's it's a very very important class for reference we did it just tuesday it's called does fear of god create anxiety this is a very important class especially for our our friends who struggle with this and we all do basics of amount of 36 the sphere of god create anxiety it's on the yeshiva.net on the home page don't fear punishment fear the ruin of a splendid relationship we learned inside a teaching of the maggot of misrich what fear of hashem means it's a piece that everybody has to learn i know i say this about a lot of pieces but this is a piece of the magic that of the maggot of misread of the altareba the teacher of the alta rebbe the margaret of dave bear he teaches us what it means to fear god so i'm going to ask you who asked this wonderful wonderful question to please uh to please listen to that class i think it will help a lot at the end of chapter one dr ebba says battle ritz nullify your will for his will how does that fit with the king coming to the field which shows me that even when i'm being in my even when i am in my lower state and the unworked parts of myself god is still coming to visit me that's beautiful that's exactly the idea the idea is what does bato ritsu mean batter doesn't mean you're a smarter batter means that you're a child of hashem you're a leg of the brain you're a conduit for infinity how can i even get to that place that's the idea the king comes into the field and shines his inner infinity so that if i want i can enter into a relationship with that place but who is the me that's entering into our relationship the me that's entering into our relationship is my authentic me battle doesn't mean that i become the person i'm not battle means that i become israel i tune into i really who i really am the challenge is i completely don't feel that space because i'm out there in the field so the king comes into the field and says you you that farmer in the field you are israel i'm not talking about the saint who lives in a garnet and i'm talking about you in the field you are the israel you are the kale you are the kailashenvayar lano hope i answered your question if not you can ask again you spoke a lot about being here not being there i love it the way i take it is be here right now live in the present don't live in the past don't live in the future don't space out don't detach don't run away from challenges problems pain throughout life we are often running away but can i be fully here right here at this moment maybe this is what it means avramovin who came with all of his days he was fully present in every single day very good the ramchow writes that hashem always has his light that he wants to shine on us but our windows are dirty so we don't allow the light to enter through the window we have to clean the window to allow the light in perhaps based on this mimer we could say that we need to clean the window in order to let that light within us to be able to shine and project outwards and influence others and that is the rahmanus for hashem that our light will help those that he wants to help but it's so to speak trapped in ourselves and it can shine outwards yes that's true when you reveal it it can help so many other people you speak about going to the broken places to heal this is so so powerful and true it resonates but it's also true about creation the world was made out of the vessels that were shattered the sparks that were scattered the job of the is to gather the sparks and the shattered pieces and bring them back to a unified hole so we never run away from the brokenness beautiful yeah beautiful i also want to add people are wondering if god is a lion a lion's roar is so scary that's true but only if the lion perceives you as an enemy the lion takes such good care for his or her cubs the cubs are never scared of the lion's roar they see in the lion's roar protection they see in the lions roar him saying nobody's gonna mess this is our territory forever and therefore you guys are protected as long as i'm here when you realize that you're part of god you're not afraid of the lion's roar the lion's roar is we're in this together i love you and i'm always going to be here for you that's a really beautiful insight that's a really nice insight okay next question what's the point the field what's the point in this idea of the field the field is the place where we're where we research where we work where we take walks yeah the point is that the field is a less habituated place and that's where the king wants to come to that's exactly the idea yeah beautiful questions i see there's some more questions you could check them out in the comments or in chat in the meantime i'm going to wish everybody a beautiful beautiful day and a happy month of elul and a meaningful month of elul to be able to meet hashem in your field and in your desert and to be able to do the bikash to be some work that is so so incredibly important sending you love and blessings for