Do You Ever Feel Like a “Loser”? - R. Zecharia Wallerstein - TorahAnytime.com

is even in the worst place in your life to be able to see something to thank hashem for if i didn't go through in my life what i went through as a little boy there's not one girl in this room that would be sitting here because there would be nobody no buenos bena there would be no a terrorist nava there definitely would be no bca there would not be a ranch in bethel because i don't do this for a living just the opposite it costs me over the years millions of dollars i make a living but hashem i have a great business i don't do this because any of my daughters ever came to my seminary my high school or my ranch i no one in my family ever came to my seminary my high school in my ranch so rabbi wallistein if i could pick your brain what do you do with girls why do you have a high school for kids that are that are that are struggling why do you have a ranch why do you have seminaries when you need seminaries if you don't make money it's not israel we're charging 25 000 right you're not making money so it's not money why do you do this i've asked that question all the time like stay home with your family you got kids you got grandkids like you know sell more plastic bags make more money what are you busy with these kids for my friends asked me that what are you busy with this for father didn't do this your father wasn't in and the answer is because i had a lot of trauma in third grade and in 10th grade and i will never forget how i felt when i went through that and therefore i am very sensitive to kids who go through abuse and to kids who no one believes in but hashem i had parents that mama saved my life but my teachers i had a teacher that that that called me a sewer rat at 16 years old in 10th grade a rebbe who after being abused in third grade and really not liking webbies i finally found someone that i loved the rebbe that i trusted and i looked up at and then one day he was told that i was talking to a girl which wasn't allowed in my high school by another boy who wanted to save my so he ratted on me to get me kicked out yeshiva it was a shame shamayam for sure he was just jealous he liked that girl [Music] so so i got called in by this finally this rebbe that i looked up to and he said wellestein do you know what happens to boys who talk to girls do you know what you're going to grow up to be i'm thinking i don't know what he's going to say he says i'll never forget he put his thing he said you you allosting you you're gonna grow up to be a sewer rat so they're little rats but then there's these big rats i don't know if you ever seen them in new york you have those long tails imagine the man that you love the man that you finally is gonna is gonna help you get through your trauma that you had in third grade just talk told you i was 16 years old tough guy with a tough guy someone once said something i didn't like in yeshiva i broke his nose they threw me out of yeshiva i was like you didn't talk to me the wrong way i was a hockey player i was my whole thing was that during a hockey game i needed stitches got stitches and came back to play in the middle of the game like i was a marine i didn't cry you couldn't get me to cry and now this man called me a sewer rat that's pretty heavy i remember going to the bathroom in my high school and i closed the stall to the toilet and i just started crying so out of control that like a little kid when you go oh and you can't catch your breath that i was 16. everything that happened just all came out i just i just fell apart so i know what it means to be embarrassed i know what it means to someone that you thought looked up to you tell you that you're garbage i know what it means for people to give up on you russia my parents didn't but everyone else did by far you girls don't know me my far the least likely to be successful i didn't know how to spell the word gamora when i went for my first rebbe job i spelled the word gemara wrong the guy another rabbi embarrassed me and said are you like a gayer or are you about chuva like how do you come to my school i want to teach sixth grade boys but you don't even know how to spell what he should have said is okay i'll look at your resume and i'll call you back and then probably went into the room and started laughing like this guy's 20 years old he doesn't have a smug tomorrow anyone else spoke tomorrow i was like the least expected ever to teach kids i always loved kids in camp i was the man hockey player drummer i'm a musician always always was good with kids but not not tyra not so yeah wallstein is very sensitive to being embarrassed and feeling like that specifically in school not at home but specifically in school and therefore i said to at 20 years old when i got married to my wife i said listen it doesn't make any sense because because i wasn't that definitely not yeshivish and whatever i'm not going to get into what i was whatever but i said to my wife that i and my friends that i want to be a rebbe and they were like huh like well i didn't marry a rebbe and i was like i know but half a day i'm going to work i'm going to make millions of dollars i'll take care of you but the other half of the day i want to teach what do you want to teach want to teach for who likes to teach they don't pay you they don't pay you anything and they don't pay you on time and if the kids like you the parents don't like you if the parents like you the kids don't like you and then holla never likes you it's like the worst job it's like why would you teach and i was like i'll tell you what i'll teach because the 25 boys in my class no one's going to touch and no one's going to embarrass so i can't change the system i can't protect everyone but 25 guys a year i'll protect and i taught eighth grade boys for 30 years 30 years from when i was 20 cloud was 50 every single day of my life from eight o'clock till 12 o'clock i taught eighth grade boys crying to shivama basin that 750 guys went through my class and if an english teacher or any teacher would embarrass i became assistant principal i had a lot of power in that school if anyone would embarrass one of my boys you were gone the next day because you don't tell a kid you're a rat so my hakara satov and i'm going to tell you something crazy my hakara sato my recognition of the good is that wallistein is who he is because of my trauma because if i didn't go through that trauma you wouldn't know me i would probably be in vegas right now or in florida just having a good time and if hashem would come to me today and say i'm gonna give you your life back you're gonna die but i'm gonna bring you back to the world right away and you're gonna have an amazing life and i'm gonna spare you third grade i'm gonna spare you tenth grade you're not gonna have to go through that you're gonna have the perfect you'll be like the perfect kid perfect marks all the teachers like you in the back of my report card has said the same thing all the time he has potential but he's not he doesn't live up to it which is the worst thing you could do if he says he's stupid okay my parents don't expect anything they don't know he's he has potential but he's a he's a loser he doesn't do anything every report got the same thing we use i thought my father used mean unbelievable he didn't buy it with f's i told him it's fantastic he didn't buy it he didn't buy any of that stuff struggled really really struggles for school for someone come back to me today and say you're going to be a third grader like every third grader you can be a 10th grade you're not going to have any trauma you can have the perfect childhood i could give you your life over again i would say nope i don't want it because who i am is because of what happened to me and if it wouldn't have happened to me i wouldn't be who i am you