Disappointed with Life?

spirituality here in Asia tour in the old city of jerusalem overlooking the Temple Mount please join Yom Tov media club.com there I was in fetal position having cried out everything I had in my post trauma of birth experience and I didn't need two mountain bike for three months straight which had never happened to me before there was something that I came out of that cry with at that post birth separation moment and that was that was loving connection like that's all I want is loving connections all I need is loving connection anything else I do is just hoping to get it and maybe it's some kind of counterfeit like attention you know attention it's the counter for the flood in connection did you know that attentions the counterfeit think about everything everything a woman does everything she wears anything that that might get that attention might somehow maybe she could transfer it to mentally to loving connection a man driving a BMW SUV x6 has is really in the counterfeit of it because in that case it's extra counterfeit because you start living an exclusive life he will you wind up excluding all the loving connection from your life so not to mention the amount of work you have to do is the sacrifice of one's wife and children's loving connections so but in the end if everyone looks at their life if they get honest they would consider that that they've been going for the counterfeit of loving connection anyway I came out of that fetal position and I was I was clear that loving connection is the goal that's what I want and it was all around me it was everywhere and so I didn't write my mountain bike for three months which leads me to believe that the mountain biking is a stimulation you know because I'm doing extreme mountain biking not just like a ride in the park so that extreme stimulation was going to somehow that sir plant or replace the need for loving connection and then I thought a bit about why after three months did I have to go Mountain back to my mountain biking and why did I not have it to begin with meaning why did I need the fetal position cry and I'll share with you something very deep about connection and that is that there was there's a book out there that you might want to check out I forget who wrote it it's called the continuum concept not a lot of people have read that book it's called the continuum concept it was written by a by an anthropologist a woman who had had a theory that just like the development the baby's gotten continuity from literally from conception all the way to birth that that baby that has spent the last nine months in total connection total connection after being born should remain in connection stay in that same loving connection okay not the same as being in the womb but as close to it you want to recreate it as much as possible to keep that so that there's no real break in the connection now Western birds don't look like that at all western birds are you know the babies born in a hospital situation it's been taken away whisked away put our under lamps cleaned up real quick it's often shot up real quick and it's and then and then maybe makes its way to the mommy to nurse or maybe a favor even if a dozen Earth's not very long and them could have been a c-section so it's not really gonna be nursing at all and and now that baby's in a nursery isolated in a you know a little rolling what do you call those things that's Annette in a controlled temperature room with fluorescent lights on it in a room filled with babies that there's no way that a couple nurses three to three nurses in there are gonna be able to take care and and that's the baby situation until it finally comes to and screams it's bloody head off in full a salacious and of course that one believes it's hungry that's the whole you know especially if you're Jewish or Italian so it's clearly hungry but they don't realize don't realize the hunger is an emotional thing hunger is emotional yeah you can feel hunger pains but they go away eventually you notice by the end of Yom Kippur you're not as hungry as you were during when your stomach was ready to actually have something hit it like around mid-morning you know that's when it's kind of bad cuz it's like your body's just like hey where's the food but those hunger pains go away image yeah you're weak you're kind of not very strong but you but you're not hungry and how many of us have at the end of a 24-hour fast even in the tisha Bob fast in the middle this summer it was finally time to eat and drink we're you gave it another few minutes not a big deal hunger is not physical hunger is emotional our need for nutrition is physical but the word hunger is no knoweth physicality and it might be good for all of us especially those of us are we're trying to watch our intake in our relationship with food needs a little fixing is to recognize that hunger is is emotional it's not physical yeah I mean well your stomach will growl when it's time for intake until my stomach growls I usually would not eat once in a while I know I'm going out for hours and I will not be around food and we don't have power balls at the time might we have raw food there the whole containers of you know raw food power balls that my wife and daughters make that are super food foods you know it's date based you make them in a little balls and pop them in a little bag stick it in your pocket for the day but sometimes we're out of power balls and I might eat a little pre-emptive food this morning I did my wife made a delicious oatmeal with nuts and various and stuffing and I was teaching a lunch and learn in this building but I had a feeling I was gonna be doing the teaching and they were gonna be doing the lunch and that would have gotten me to 2 p.m. without a single bite of food today because I was not yet hungry and so I preempted the lunch and learn with about five bites of oatmeal and so anyway hunger is an emotional state now again if you're Jewish or Italian and a baby's crying it's because it's hungry in your opinion but that's not what's going on what's going on is the babies in the shock of disconnect it's Anna total disconnect it's spent the last nine months in total connection in the undifferentiated oneness of its mother's womb and now it's kind of woken up to isolation and now here it is in a crib or bassinet whatever stroller whatever it is start screaming its head off and of course that one yeah and what does everyone say the baby's hungry and then what do they do they take the baby of the mom here The Mummy takes the baby and then she stuffs it with warm sweet milk well what's happening whatever she's up to now what happens when you stuffed somebody with warm sweet milk what do they do they pass out and so now the baby passes out and the mommies like what do I need this appendage for yeah let's just pop it right back down into its padded cell back into his little isolation tank and you know like women's liberation from her child you know he's gonna liberate herself and there goes the baby back into its isolation and and she's back at work until screaming away again and baby must be hungry no babies ever been they just don't have that we've been hungry because you know we were the ones who need the loud music in the in the drugs and the alcohol and me and the fast driving and that crazy relationships and you know but but we're messed up and and in the book the continuing concept she believes were messed up because of that separation that it's called the continuum concept but our continuity was broken up through sporadic connects and disconnects connects and disconnects connect to the mommy pass out disconnect scream in isolation and lonliness brought back connect pass out disconnect and so the theory is that that the reason your relationships are the way they are like accordion relationships where it's like you know what an accordion is the music accordion so your relationships are like an accordion where where you know you he says I love you and she says I love you and then and then of course they most people because of this disconnect would rather want love than habit and that's a very deep statement I want you to think about that would you rather want love than have it to the point where you sabotage relationships so that you can go back to wanting instead of having but what happens is there's a is I love you I he says I leave it she says I love you but but then but I don't I'm having an identity crisis having this connection because I've I'm addicted to wanting love I don't know what to do with myself when I'm having it and so therefore I must sabotage it in some way by doing something toward my spouse that's gonna make the make it painful and hurtful at which point he says I hate you and she says well I hate you and the next thing they say is I can't live without you baby I can't live without you I love you I love you do something stupid I hate you I hate you I can't live without you I love you do some stupid I hate you I can't live without you do something stupid and so everyone's got this accordion relationship going on so so the author of this work said to herself what if I went down in the Amazon jungle and found untouched tribes of people who give birth in the jungle no hospitals no nurseries no strollers strollers wouldn't be very effective in the jungle no cribs no bassinets what if we go there and check things out and so that's exactly what they did when she went down to the jungles did her whole anthropological looks you know it's an exploratory trip and and what she did find was there are no cribs or strollers or any of that stuff nurseries that as soon as the baby's born the baby is put on top of the mommy and begins nursing and never leaves that mommy or any other human being till the baby is already able to walk or crawl so the baby's able to crawl so she proves this amazingly in that there's no baby's hands sorry babies bodies have no muscles a baby can't even hold its most important appendage up which is the head you know when you hold a baby you gotta support the head cuz the head the neck has no muscles yet none of the body has muscles except for what part of the body the hands it's got this Vulcan grip and she claims that God gave the baby the Vulcan grip because the baby was gonna be holding on for the ride meaning the baby's gonna be attached to her hip and the upper part of the body of the baby is gonna be supported by its grip on the on the sling on the right side and maybe her closed or the sling on the left side coming around her back the baby's just gonna hold on for that so she's going to climb trees for coconuts guess who's coming if she's going down river to get water jumping over boulders and getting her way down the river guess who's coming if they're running away from a cannibalistic tribe guess who's coming yeah and that the babies are born to be held full-time all the time never separated from their source until the baby itself can crawl away and grow it Halloween crawling all the way and and unlike Western parents who try to show the kid how to be independent by putting the baby over there and seeing the baby can navigate back to mom and dad which just shows skip fear young give builds fear but they let the baby keep running away and coming back and it's called proven dependence you give the baby proof independence meaning I'm I'm I will prove to this baby that I am dependably here for that baby so the baby's ready to actually go around a corner which for babies means you don't exist anymore because they don't have they're not so conceptual so they don't have a concept you still exist once they go around the corner of course they come flying back around the corner to see if you're there and there you are and so hey they start going around another corner come flying back to see if you're there and that's proven dependence I'm proving you can depend on me so they checked out these tribes as adults and they noticed a couple things one of the things they noticed was that there's no such thing as accordion relationships there's no one there who would rather have love sorry would rather want love than have it but they actually have it and have it and have it and have more of it more of an wherever think the intimacy is very high in these tribes they don't have this shoot yourself in the foot accordion thing going on that's not part of life there they also noted that that adults and even adult males there were no Daredevils which is an interesting thing because this whole class is being taught by a daredevil and I mean I do things with skills and you know years and years of experience but but certainly a daredevil and the after having a primal scream cry after birth and coming away with this realization that all I really want is loving connection I didn't need to mountain bike for three months and in these societies men don't have those needs and they explain the connection that that when you're born holding on for dear life you get it out of your system it's just part of life it's just the ride and you're you're not protected the way we protect our babies there's there's a rawness to being an adult in the jungle and the babies part of all of that and isn't looking for the limb raw stimulation of a precarious dance between chaos and order I mean think about me going over a you know we have a lot of ancient walls here with on the trails sometimes the only way down the next chute is on a corroded old stone wall that's become like almost are arched around and you have that you got an abyss on either side of you nothing there and that's chaos but your concentration on the center of the wall riding that's order or if I'm surfing a wave is the ultimate expression of chaos and you've seen the whitewater I mean it's funny order in chaos because waves coming in perfect you know they're exactly the interval between wave is exact you know we have a swell in California like the ultimate swell was like straight out of the West at an 18 a 20 second 18 second interval or even more but it was exactly 18 seconds between each wave and that and that's a really good swell and Israel this interval that there wind waves in Israel we get them from storms in the Mediterranean and so they deliver like seven eight seconds so it's kind of like a bathtub you get tons more exercise per minute because you're just every time you get out there there's another one seven second intervals you're not waiting around much but it's good cuz it holds a crowd well when you're ready when you have 18 second intervals you got to kind of wait your turn to get in position for a wave whereas in Israel there's just so many waves coming through that everyone gets their pick but think about when that way breaks into the white water the white wash that's just total chaos and think about a surfer inside the tube of a wave of a big wave he's in the he's an order with chaos all around him and if anything goes wrong so we have some kind of need for chaos and our need is deep too I think they I just saw studying that statistically people have better relationships are more likely to break up there's a certain challenged in challenging marriages where your spouse challenges you now if you're always challenged that's also gonna break up you understand it for marriages nothing but challenge that pride you know unless you're very traditionally based the chance of a breakup for a challenging marriage is high but but it's interesting that statistically apparently with marriages with no challenge also have a high chance of breakup so there's a certain aspect of chaos there that we thrive on thrive often as Westerners in relationships that don't exist in in the people who care for the chunk of the babies in with continuity from birth no I'm by the way I'm not here to tell anybody to have their baby on them full-time but my wife and I were like midway through having children we had a good like 20 year run of children and in that but it was about halfway through that when we got ahold of this information and the second half of our kids got much more holding time much more continuity with us in the first children and I wonder I guess we'll only know and there will be adults that panned out for them you see I don't have any questions at this point I never break for questions but I feel like this is of us this is the time okay so I just want to bring up one more thing and that's the is it artificial stimulation is is you know it's it's because I was talking about sports there's also amusement parks and water parks and hang gliding and sky diving and there's returning our relationships into rollercoaster rides you know that that's the stuff we were talking about but there's also there's also people who use who use opiates you know narcotic type painkiller stuff for their for the pain of the disconnect you know the many people you'll notice that there's a direct correlation between drug addicts and families that were not safe and sometimes the family was safe for them but that kid you know like it's pretty safe for everyone except that kid which is interesting that there are families that were safe for everybody but one kid just did not feel safe enough in and it's not hard to understand because let's say you have a very structured family so you got two parents and three kids because that's what fits best in a sedan and the and nobody wants a minivan you know in the in that community and everything's very structured except what happens is kid number three is born a total Flowmaster not a structured bone in the body of that kid doesn't get mad doesn't get riding doesn't get rules doesn't get school doesn't get he just doesn't get any of that stuff like this is the kid who will not sit down on the yellow flight you know he's just gonna be that's his jungle gym for the next 12 hours that kid and that I can tell you right away that family's not safe for that kid they love him or her they love the chalk but but this is going to be a situation of a of a you know good 18 years if not more of a complete misunderstanding of what that child needs that's that's and that's you know that's hardly called abuse but it is abusive in that denial that God creates flow and structure people in a family is that's pretty that's pretty harsh to do all every one of us the second our child is a toddler we have to identify whether their flower structure and then and then move accordingly so it doesn't mean you're not gonna send your kid to school what school floor structure stronger you got a senior kid at school see sentiments go but you always realize that you're undamaged control when they get home flow in structure the family which one and there are a lot of scenarios which scenario structuring yeah you know some of the greatest people in the world went through hell first and I think it could be that God sometimes wants either a structured person in a flow family or a flow person in a structure family to go through hell and then come out the other side and make a big difference so I think when we're when we're gentle and kind and sensitive to a kid who's a little different in our family that kid come becomes well-adjusted but well-adjusted people don't often make a difference like kids who had to go through a lot they don't come out as well-adjusted and they and they and they may come out actually having had to work out a lot of stuff and there's something there's a correlation between people who had to work out a lot of stuff and be able to help others work out their stuff you understand like if someone worked out a lot of stuff they'd likely help you do the same and though they couldn't even lead people into victory in various ways that would require them to go through a hell of a lot more hell to get to there to get to peace in their hearts that why go through hell when you can have someone who went through the real hell who had to figure it all out and can guide you out of your own lesser hell you know not all of us has to figure out everything like let I figured it all out anyway but there are there are stimulants that are knowing agents but there's also stimulants that people get into that are you know that are what's weird vibes there's a less fancy word that imbibed ingestion yeah there's other things that people ingest that are Disneyland like things like yesterday our class was on cannabis that's a Disneyland like thing and there's there's things that people ingest that are highly stimulating not a non-addictive not they're not there for pain and they're there for it's just pure stimulation and and it could be the same exact thing that's going on is that disc the discontinuity of childhood just come to your childhood is in the lack of stimulation of running around with the mommy is causing some kids to be what you call Psychonauts I don't know if you know there's a whole population today people called Psychonauts you can look that up online it begins with a PE by the way Psychonauts and there there's a whole underground world of Psychonauts out there in there and it could very well be the same thing it's just instead of me like on the mountain bike they're just doing it all internally you know using other kinds of stimulants and so the mystery I'm gonna leave you with is because we're at four o'clock now the mystery I'm gonna leave you with is you hit the power button on the AC on your way out just to yeah there you go the mystery I'm gonna leave you with is that I didn't answer is why after the three months having realized that loving connection is all that there is and all that I want all that I need which took away all need for my sports what happened after those three months yeah they did go away it did go away and the stimulating came back all the stimulation came back meaning the external stimulation came back and I'm just thinking about back to the Western is amiss if they're just a basic underlying Western ISM disc a disconnect among in Western ISM trainer I don't know the answer right now I'm thinking about my my narcissistic background I grew up in a place where narcissism is not listed you know is one of the personality disorders there's 10 personality disorders you know BPD and bipolar and all these different person I started I say by Claire I didn't mean that BPD and and no CDL what nice yeah split personality and anyway one of the personality disorders is called narcissistic personality disorder unless you're from a lake it's not a disorder it is the order and it's not a disorder it's the order and being a narcissist is amongst narcissist which is really easy it really works more or less in LA because you one narcissist can say yeah when I hang out with another one and then you do hang out as long as it works for both of you and there's no hard feelings at all if it doesn't really I mean it's weird in LA how you can like be really quite close with someone and then not be and absolutely no drama like East Coast people who would get that close and then not me that'd be like something that you'd have to work out in therapy for like a year there's there's no drama involved in the narcissistic culture of Los Angeles to be super close just not talk ever again cuz you're just going whatever works for you at any given time so that's my inquiry right now and I'm gonna think about that maybe I'll speak more about that later in the week but I gotta think about it is I'm wonder if the narcissistic upbringing engenders a disconnect that that is counteth etiquette to to the to the loving connection that we all seek including all those narcissists deep don't want but is there a part of us if you're if you've got that narcissistic background that that will nevertheless go back to pushing away pushing away and and I think about that mmm depends who and where not everyone was gonna be born with it like that yeah but yeah but social you can socialize that all about me baby into being communal very quickly [Music] yeah I haven't lived in LA for 35 three years but I've been spending a lot of time the East Coast so I work mostly with the East Coast over her to be imaged people you know really overly a mesh people especially in the Hasidic world where it's extremely emission um okay gang well that's today's class I'm not sure what it was all about exactly I hope y'all grew from it and learn something and and maybe all of us will need a little less stimulation today and maybe a little more connection with our loved ones will be the on order now