President Obama Performs at a Sheva Brochos in Borough Park @ Shlomo Bochner's Simcha

I think this is what we've been waiting for so I hope everybody could just stay in the seats and and try to give the biggest respect I'll explain later how I got in touch with this person who's coming but right now please stay calm in Collective and I want to introduce to you are you ready lady ladies your ladies have to sit down please be just for a few minutes and I guess you all understand why I'm a little nervous I want to introduce to you the president of the United States of America [Music] president here's the president [Music] [Applause] [Music] the [Music] [Applause] thank you thank you thank you um I know it's Tuesday but feel free to get excited if anything happens I promise you you're covered under Obamacare now first I'd like to thank Heim for that wonderful introduction let's give him a big round of applause thank you so much now an event like this needs a voice from Washington a voice of reason a voice of Hope someone who's going to look you right in the eye I give you a big hug and let you know everything's going to be okay but unfortunately Michelle couldn't make it tonight now just like the good mother she is she's back at home watching my two tprs now I want to report that the state of the union is strong and let me be clear by that I mean Bubba all right now I want to take this opportunity to congratulate bub on their big win so let's give them all a big round of applause and trust me I know what it feels like to be a winner as president of the United States I hereby clar there is only one Bubba now perhaps we can fly Rabbi Aaron beny and bagel to Washington so he can straighten out Congress once and for all uh my administration's out there creating jobs every day I'm out there fighting for people like Mary Grady from Tallahassee Florida Mary worked for Tropicana for 22 years until she got canned it turns out she could never concentrate but in the past few years we've seen over 4 million jobs created in the private sector a boom in small businesses and for the first time in the history of the United States uh 75% of the people in this country make up 3/4 of the domestic population that was a big one but I'm humbled and honored to be speaking in front of a room such distinguished individuals tonight you see usually I'm stuck talking to Vice President Joe Biden now he's a great guy and all but he's got the attention span of a fruit fly he wanted to come tonight but he's in La competing on the hit show are you smarter than a fifth grade but we're here tonight to pay tribute to scha bachna how you doing now the prominent president of a very important and prestigious organization Bon Ola scha is a great American a great Patriot he makes me proud to be an American Mr M Mrs bachner are credited for helping 4,000 new babies being born now of course I'm hoping that means that's 4,000 new Democrats being born but we can only pray now I'm hereby making an official announcement as soon as I get back to DC I'm going back to the Oval Office to sign an executive order to issue $100 million to Bon Ola now with $17 trillion in debt what's another 100 million it's Trump change we'll let the next Administration worry about that there's nothing in the Constitution that says I can't do this so I'm going to do it and if there is something that says I can't I'll override it so uh you know just uh let me be clear you can already uh account for that in the bank now I hope everyone here tonight will follow my example of giving this is good for the country everyone must pair uh pay their fair share now everybody knows I'm raising taxes on those individuals fortunate enough to make over $250,000 a year no no it's okay coincidentally my uh plan also caps the presidential salary at $249,999 and some change so I'm cool now Wall Street is still in need of serious reform there's nothing right about taking people's hard-earned money and using it for your own personal good in my opinion there are two places for people like that prison and Congress but people keep coming up to me saying Mr President your hair's getting more and more gray every day now look that's not just from the stress of the job my mother-in-law is living with us I remember the first day we moved into the White House I turned to her and I said Mama Mikasa sukasa that means my house is your house the next day she turned around and tried to sell it she had for sale signs all over the front lawn now I'll be leaving for Israel tomorrow and I'll be meeting with my good friend bibe I'll also be visiting the cotel and I know Esther who is a title bomb from satmar will understand now by the way I want to thank you Esther and for giving fabulous fashion advice to my wife Michelle now she advised her to wear long sleeves and high collar so now she looks like a real first lady thank you and you know after Israel the family and I are going to take a nice relaxing vacation in my home state where I was born Hawaii or as Donald Trump pronounces it Kenya now unfortunately I had to stay at one of his hotels recently and let me tell you that place was so backwards they stole my towels now I want to make a formal announcement tonight in front of you all at this Israel Street uh State dinner I'm going to finally pardon Jonathan Pard and I will pardon all the remaining Jewish prisoners as long as they're all Democrats now I'd like to thank my good friend and secret adviser Kim Seager [Applause] now without him I never would have won the election now by the way I know this community didn't vote for me so the fact that I'm here tonight can only mean one thing someone messed up the dinner invitations but despite the opposition I accomplished a lot in my first term I ended the war in Iraq took out Bin Laden and saved the US Auto industry no matter what I do Republicans stand against me last week I signed bia's report card and John Boehner tried to repeal it it's ridiculous but thank God I listened to heim's good advice he said Barack if you want to win just give give give and he he said give more increase all the programs that invest in the future of this great nation but live in the present and by present he meant give presents to everyone like Obamacare welfare and those prepaid Obama phones now I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet such a fine group here tonight and to partake in this lovely occasion now my only regret is that I wasn't invited to the wedding so you know living in the White House can get lonely sometimes Harry Truman once said that if you want a friend in Washington get a dog so we did his name is Bo actually his full name is Bo didley um Bo comes from my initials and didley represents the amount of support I've gotten for Fox News now that's why I play so much golf it's an individual sport you don't need many friends and Michelle had a putting green installed for me on the south lawn of the White House and the landscaper designed it with my personality in mind every shot starts out straight then breaks hard to the left so we have a lot of fun out there now uh I just have a few more words to say before I go let me say this I know I'm a busy man and all but next time there's a wedding in this community please make sure to invite me I wish the new Newly Weds yudis andari a lifetime of health happiness and success and don't worry your presence are being flown in by Air Force One for DC so thank you God bless you and God bless the United States thank you all so much thank you I just wanted to continue barack's statement I sure all of you want to know how I met Barack the president I I was in a very nice hotel about 6 months what was it about 6 months six or seven months ago and I I'm in the lobby going to the elevator and the elevator opens up and there you see the Secret Service president I was just caught by surprise I said I'm proud to be Mr President I'm proud to be an American he you enjoyed that at least at that time you smil well I I could imagine how amazing that moment must have been for you yes it was great me and then he said to me he turned around and he said what's your name I said he says do you play golf I said that's my sport is golf he says I want to see you on the greens in about two hours could you make it so I looked at my wife my wife sure and I was on the court with the president I didn't tell it to anybody cuz I didn't need the Secret Service haunting he couldn't ruin the surpris but I don't know if any of you have golfed with K but he's got a shot that goes straight up and straight down right in the hole I I call it the stock market show so the bottom line was I went out there got my I went to the sports shop got really fancy clothing and I was on the court with the president and what can I tell you the first nine holes I was way ahead of him then I decided uh if I want to be friends with the president if you invite me to the White House I got to pull back on my sports and I will not win this tournament you remember that that's how it happened that's what that bottom line I lost by three shots he liked it till today he didn't know why I lost but I could definitely beat the president anytime I want after that we became close friends and he said the next time you have a party you invite me so I said two of my children just got engaged he says I'm coming and you remember that Mr bndy he's he's Mr B you remember him at the hotel it was right there he your C he was my caddy man he was bottom line is I I want to all thank you and I want to thank the president in person that if he can make time before he goes to Israel make a stop here and wish you all the best so we wish him he can't run the for president again could you well you know I might be able to do some things but bottom line is all of you have a pleasant night I hope you enjoyed it and thank you Mr President for coming thank you f [Music] that's [Music] there [Music]