Dealing With the Stress on Relationships During the Coronavirus

thank you so so much rabbis ik and thank you so so much to the amazing community the Jewish community of Mexico City for this wonderful wonderful invitation as I was telling rabbis ik a few hours ago my trip to your community was I think the second - my last trip before the outbreak of this pandemic of the corona virus and I'm glad that it was the last trip of one of the last trips because now that I have been quarantined in my home for quite a while together with the rest of you and and most of the world the flavor of my visit in your community still lingers in my mouth we all know that as a hala cod is a Jewish law by Pesach that a mafia naturopathic afikomen that once you eat AFRICOM on the mats at the end of the Seder before we bench after that you don't need because you want the do the flavor of the mats of the afikomen should linger in your mouth because it's a commemoration for the carbon pacer for the Passover offering that we used to eat in the time of the base--emitter so they didn't want that any flavor should replace that flavor so my last flavor of a journey of lectures was in your community and the hospitality and the warmth and the love and the affection and the sense of of camaraderie and Brotherhood and sisterhood and the real sense of community and togetherness that I experienced in Mexico City was so extraordinary and really transformative I thought will be there for an hour or two hours and you remember many of you we remain till close to dawn dancing and singing and schmoozing and for bringing and sharing and teaching and learning from each other so I am so glad to be back with this great community of Mexico City and I'm sorry that it's under these circumstances but this is the miracle of technology that we could share and learn and connect together through our zoom chat and I as I was telling the teenagers last Thursday during our program the reason Hashem created the Internet the reason Hashem created the technology that allows us to communicate on this level is it says in pre-k a vote the end of ethics of the fathers call Marcia Baraka there's Martin who Bilaam a lie bro LLL fight that whatever a sham created he created for his honor so this tremendous power that the Internet provides this extraordinary technological development that we could communicate each other to each other with such ease why was it created it was created for this it was created that Torah should be able to saturate and fill the entire world the Prophet says when Messiah comes Mullah are it's daya soshim come i'm lia Mikasa the world will be filled with divine awareness like water covers the sea so this is our opportunity today to prepare such a world to usher in such a world with the whole world is filled with divine consciousness with godly awareness like water covers the sea so I'm grateful for this opportunity I want to thank the hundreds and hundreds of people who are joining us here on our zoom chat from Mexico City and in your graciousness you opened it up to the whole world so there are many thousands more for our joining us literally the world over via value Sheva dotnet and I want to welcome all of you wherever you may be I know we have people literally from all over the world from the United States of America and from other countries even though the hour is quite late but we have people from Israel who I guess are up very late and of course Australia so I want to thank you wherever you are in the world South Africa Australia Europe Asia the United States of course Eretz is wrong and thank again our hosts and are those who invited us in Mexico City thank you thank you I hope we have a meaningful and inspiring and impactful evening together I am going to share some thoughts ideas and feelings and then afterwards as a Isaac said we'll open it up to questions you can write if you're on the zoom chat from Mexico City you can write your question in English on the chat I will go through the questions ways erm if you want to write it in Spanish you can write it in Spanish and remise it will translate if you want to ask your questions from the yeshiva dotnet you can also do it on that page if you go to the yeshiva net and you see the lecture to Mexico City you can click on it and you will see the opportunity to ask a question or leave a comment and we shall but a zero address as many questions as we can now our topic our topic today is and this is how they let me read it how it was it was written in the Spanish so I guess a more or less accurate translation would be dealing with our relationships during this corona situation we are all home we are all in the same boat naturally a lot of issues and situations come up how do we deal with the stress on relationships during the corona virus and we're referring of course to marriages marriages between spouses the stress and relationships and marriages and also all the relationships in the home primarily of course between parents and children children and parents we are all on one way or another homeschooling our children even though school continues thank God through zoom or through telephone conferences or whatever the technology that is being used by that particular school but the children are all home their home from warning tonight including night as well so there are new dynamics that we were not dealing with two months ago we were not dealing with two years ago both in terms of marriages and our relationships with our children what is the best way to handle it how should can we enhance it how can we deal with the challenges and problems and how can we really make it a special time of growth and much more happiness so this is the ich these are some of the issues we're going to address thank you so yeah yeah I just asked my son to make me make me a coffee please this was a very long day and I just asked him for a coffee you'll excuse me let's let's begin this coronavirus covered 19 as it's called is a challenge which many of us have not faced during our lifetime an invisible enemy the size of 125 nanometers has brought humanity to its knees there is not a single person or industry or sector that has not been impacted transformed and turned upside down as a result of this invisible virus fascinating not a single bullet was shot no terrorist attack no war no nuclear attack no violence an invisible enemy which begins in Wuhan China changes the world and changes the world within a few days or a few weeks to the point that great industries structures of power of Commerce of Finance of entertainment of the arts of academia of literally every industry and every sector has been not just affected but affected at its core and transformed in our community we don't go to shul our schools have been closed we are all quarantined at home and this is the first time that I can remember that the whole world is talking about one topic constant there's one thing in our mind 24 hours a day and suddenly we discover our shared humanity whether you live in China you live in Australia whether you live in South Africa you live in Brazil from Mexico City to Alaska from Hawaii to Peru from Tokyo to Moscow and from Jerusalem to New York and Los Angeles there is one thing on our mind and with shared humanity and all of us being confronted by this coronavirus which does not discriminate does not discriminate between nations and between tribes between religions and between faiths between colors and between races it doesn't ask questions it travels with tremendous swiftness and it's contagious in ways that we did not imagine initially and is so dangerous for a significant percentage of our people and of humanity this is an unprecedented event in our lifetime in our history and this certainly will go down into the history books and in this case it's not a cliche because all of you will yet talk about this for many years even after the madness is over we will be able to look at history and we will always talk about pre corona and after corona this happened before corona this happen after quran and it's a difficult time this is challenging and it's challenging in a very serious way and do not underestimate its impact literally on every level many of us certainly in my community and many many more communities have lost loved ones we have lost relatives close friends teachers mentors and some communities an older generation was wiped off was wiped away their souls taken back to heaven so many people that we know have fallen ill and are struggling in their illness may God bring NATO force lamer a for crave a complete and speedy recovery for all those who need it and give solace and comfort to all those who are deeply in grief and in mourning over the loss of loved ones this is a difficult time there are many wounds there's a lot of pain there is profound tragedy in so many so many communities I'm speaking here from Muncie New York New York was hit very very bad and so many families shaken and so many lives affected in one way or another but everybody affected we are the Jewish people if there's one thing that defines the Jewish people is resilience they say that the Chinese lasted 5,000 years because the same character that they have for crisis is the character they have for the idea of opportunity intimating the idea that every crisis is also the beginning of an opportunity that's true waha Todd I know Elena milazzo alum shahe coil me abit vara thank you in the Jewish language though it's even more significant because we have a word called marsh bear what is a much bear Marsh Bear means a break down from the word Chavira something that's shattered broken fragmented lives bore shavoo sivaram but you know what else much bear means in Hebrew when we describe a woman sitting on a birthing stool we say you're Sheva al Hamas bear the birthing stool women would sit on a rack that was like a birthing stool to give birth it's called a marsh bear because in the Jewish imagination of the Jewish perspective every broken moment every breakdown is also this springboard the catalyst for a new birth it's a birthing stool now birthing stools are not places that are pain free giving birth has agony and suffering and a lot of pain and often many sobs but the mother knows that this is not the end this is a new beginning it's a mush bear there's a new birth and I say to you my dearest friends brothers and sisters in Mexico and brothers and sisters the world of whoever is tuned in presently whoever is going to watch or listen later this is a time of a Mars bear it's a time of spirit so many lives have been shattered and we cry for every loss and we fight for every life and we pray for every person who needs our prayers but the wall on to us if we allow this moment of crisis just to pass and we just go back to normal life and we just hope soon the virus will be curbed we'll be under control we'll flatten the curve and I'll be able to go back to work you'll be able to go back to work the kids will go back to school we'll go back to shul we'll go shopping will mingle once again we'll go to bar mitzvahs we'll go to weddings and life will come back to normal woe unto us if that is our wish that should not be our wish after going through such a transformative crisis what we need to discover in ourselves are the resources to open ourselves up to a whole new type of beginning to a new consciousness you know there was a concept that many great Jews called for a moment of silence in public schools one of the great crises here in the American many other places is the violence in public schools that was unprecedented recent years so much violence in public schools with shootings and deaths and bloodshed incredible and one of the great suggestions was that a school should have a moment of silence in the beginning there should be a moment of sounds when students reflect on their values and their purpose of life to create a consciousness of values in our public education so children just be information with the Shinobi's beat the show's will be a focus on responsibility on morality on ethics on decency on kindness and compassion well today the entire universe is experiencing a moment of silence less cars on the street the malls are closed the stadiums are closed the theaters are closed the bars are closed the clubs are closed public places parks are closed Lahav bill schools and shoes and not just by the Jewish people but among all nations the world is experiencing a moment of silence we have retreated back into our homes we are quarantined by Eva say Yaakov Levada by Yo Ma who it's difficult it's challenging sometimes children are climbing on the walls there's fighting there's chaos people are stressed people are afraid there is hysteria this panic this fear these are all normal emotions but I say to you as a friend to friend as a brother to brother and as a brother to sisters at such a moment don't surrender to pettiness and mediocrity don't surrender to fear panic and hysteria to quote Thomas Paine these are times that try men's souls this is not a time to be a victim this is a time to be a leader this is a time when you must become stronger than ever these are challenging times that are designated to bring out your innermost resources your innermost focus your innermost fortitude resolve resilience the termination and most importantly courage courage as they say in Yiddish this is a time for courage this is a time for rediscovery it's a time of silence that allows us to pause and whenever you have a pause you can emerge from the pause with a new perspective with a new sense of vigor with a new set of priorities I once read there was a great great pianist a world-renowned pianist and a colleague of his it wasn't so successful ask them what sets you apart what made you so successful I also played I also play the piano I also read notes brilliantly why the difference in quality between you as a pianist and me the man looked at him and said it's the pauses it's the pauses in between the notes and I always understood that as a metaphor for Shabbos Shabbos is the pause and in a way now there's a Shabbos quality to the whole week we were forced to pause everybody in one way or another everybody had to slow down everybody is to stay home everybody is retreating naturally it brings out new challenges that we never had to dealt with because we were on the run you didn't like it in the house you ran away to work you didn't like coming back to your house you stayed longer at work well you found the reason to go on a business trip today we are forced and challenged and stimulated to deal with our stuff to deal with what's going on at our home but this is a tremendous opportunity to pause to go back to our core and to re-emerge from this crisis as literally new people welcoming a new world welcoming a new language thinking about life in a new way and I know I may sound very dramatic but are these not dramatic times the world has changed the question is are we ready to change and one of the greatest areas where we can do this is in our relationships with our families let's begin with our marriages it's not a secret that so many marriages were stressful before the coronavirus many people have been experiencing miserable marriages divorce has gone up even people who remain married a lot of fighting a lot of mistrust a lot of challenges and a lot of issues this is the time to go back to the beginning press restart and get married again I don't mean literally to get married again and renew your vows under a chuppah but I mean conceptually to start over from the beginning I encourage all of you and I'm we're gonna give a few practical tips how to deal with your marriage during this time now of course these are general concepts they don't apply to every situation every marriage is different every marriage is individualistic you have to know what's going on in your life what problems are you dealing with in a good day but the issue is whatever you were dealing with is now emerging in a more powerful way and a more potent way because everybody is spending much more time with each other so here are a few tips number one it is critical every single day to spend time with your spouse this was before coronavirus too but now especially I don't know where everybody lives and if you're a lot of walk outside but if you're allowed to take a walk according to the guidelines of the health officials it is very very important every single day to take a walk whether it's a half an hour whether it's 45 minutes whether it's an hour and no phones if you need to take a phone the phone should be put away you don't walk around with phones texting and e-mailing I'm talking about a real walk or if you can't take a walk outside you can go to the porch or you can sit at home whatever your circumstances allow you must follow the guidelines of health officials because this is the mitzvah of the hour to protect human life and not like those people who mark it and don't believe in quarantine I can't understand that for Jews we are the people who introduced the concept of protecting human life saving every possible life and doing whatever we can to save a life but under the guidelines of the health officials it's extremely important take a walk and shmoo chat remember you and your spouse are both in this together but you're not experiencing it the same way men experience the coronavirus in their way women experience it and their way every individual couple has their own experiences and it's just important to talk to each other to listen to each other to laugh together to schmooze together to date together to get to know each other and do a lot of listening and be curious don't impose your opinions and perspectives and fears and concerns on your spouse she may be experiencing different emotions you may be experiencing different emotions he or she whoever I'm talking to I'm talking to both respect it allow the other person to share but it's so important to bond to listen to each other to connect this is also a time you can work through differences we all have our own demons we all have our own skeletons we all have our own ghosts we have our issues sometimes there is a very extreme situation where there's very deep trauma or powerful personality disorder or mental illness and these are unique categories where you may need serious help from the outside but this is generally a time when we should address our differences in a calm way not in a judgmental way understand that this is a unique opportunity to press restart on our marriages you know how when a computer gets stuck and it's not moving you press ctrl Alt Delete and you log out and you restart we were all given an opportunity to restart restart in our own life get to learn yourself better get to learn your spouse discover more of your spouse ask yourself what are your real priorities in life where do you want to spend most of your time have you been a squandering time on things that really were not very necessary and immaterial as much of your life been pursuing things just to compensate for voids that you never dealt with to distract yourself from pain you don't want to feel can you really embrace your truest self your ultimate vulnerability your nakedness and really connect to that and surrender and start over again in times of uncertainty we are given an incredible opportunity to surrender into the loving embrace of God not knowing what tomorrow will bring for some of us it creates crisis and for some of us it creates an opportunity to surrender in the loving embrace of Hashem and they clear those words of David amela gunky a litigates our mother's low eerie rocky at a muddy shifter home in Santa Monica Moony wherever I walk I am Not Afraid because you are with me and to be able to shed all of our cover-ups all of our masks our falsehood our fakeness our lies and emerge as authentic people how beautiful will that be when we emerge from this much more honest much more real much more pure much more authentic not because we don't have anything to deal with but not because we don't have selfishness and greed and evil and negativity and toxicity of course we have it but this gives us an opportunity to put in put it in its place to be able to identify my traumas to be able to identify my insecurities and to be able to let it be but not allow it to take over my life and the same is true in our marriages to be able to go to a much deeper place to rediscover our spouses to rediscover our relationship so I say to you spend this time talking listening connecting and bonding and here is an important rule you don't have to agree with your spouse but you have to be able to trust your spouse we don't have to agree with each other but we have to be able to lean on each other I have to know that you got my back a thousand percent and you need to know that I got you back a thousand percent so that even if we disagree with each other we could disagree with each other but for that I must be able to know for sure that I can trust you and you have to know for sure that you can trust me and then the disagreements become actually a source of humor or a source of conversation or an intriguing it's intriguing and actually funny and charming there are some things we will always disagree on the mission in Pirkei Avot says McLucas feel ashamed Sam I am so Feliz kaya on arguments for the sake of heaven endures an argument that for the sake of heaven doesn't endure and one of the charming interpretations I once heard from a marriage therapist is an argument that's not for the sake of heaven doesn't endure because we have to figure out who's right and we fight all day I'm right you're right these bright G's right no you're wrong you're wrong but an argument for the sake of heaven meaning an argument where we know that we're both part of heaven and for me to be right I don't need you to be wrong and for you to be right you know it needed me to be wrong the math likest can endure that can endure the disagreement can endure we can disagree and still have fun with each other but there's one condition the condition is that I know that you're not disagreeing with me because you want to disagree with me and I know that when you're sharing with me your opinion it's not an insult to me sometimes what happens is when a spouse shares with another spouse their deep emotions their deep frustration or pain or agony or they may criticize something in the other spouse so the worst thing for the other spouse is to take it as you don't care about me you don't trust me you don't like me you're do me your demonizing me your denigrating me if that's the case you have to talk about that because very often that's not the case we have to learn that I can disagree with you but I still have your back and you can disagree with me and you have my back so there is complete trust there is complete camaraderie and I also have to learn that your emotions may be very different than my emotion than your perspectives may be very different than my perspectives and for me to listen to your perspective comes from when a place of wholesome this meaning when I could be internally wholesome then I can listen to your perspective without judging it and without thinking that you're judging me so I want to ask all the couples listening to me to try to do this exercise and if they really this is not a challenge for you that's awesome but I know that sometimes we're pretty often this is a challenge and that is the next time your wife or your husband says something makes a comment about a belief that you have or a behavior that you have or a habit that you have and that must be happening a lot now when you see each other so often you may hear a voice that right away becomes judgmental and critical oh here he goes again here she goes again but that's the voice coming from the eighth Sahara that's the voice coming from your animalistic small petty self can you watch this voice and then try to observe it and introduce another voice and the other voice is really saying no he has my back he loves me she loves me I trust her she trusts me he trusts me I trust him he trusts me we trust each other she's just sharing or he's just sharing their soul their perspective their emotion it's not an attack you don't have to take it personal you don't have to get defensive you don't have to attack back some of us who have been traumatized from youth are always in that state the fight or flight every comment is like another attack and I have to go back it's like a wrestling match it's like a boxing match but that's living in a place of exile and pettiness and goeth and fear and insecurity it's like you're stuck and paralyzed can you watch it you can't get rid of it but can you watch it can you watch it from a distance distance and extricate yourself from it extricate your mind from it don't let it define you you define it and that makes all the difference because then you could respond to your wife will respond to your husband from a more wholesome place from a more splendid confident happy divine godly infinite internal space and when you can respond from that space everything changes because then instead of demonizing the person and right away getting negative you can actually hear it watch the thoughts that are coming from your pettiness and what they're doing to you and choose to respond from a place of inner wholesomeness of inner sacredness of a place of inner value and your inner value is you want to be close to this person don't you you want to grow old together with God's help you want to raise a beautiful family together you want to live a long and happy and harmonious life together and if that's the case you could respond from that place this is my spouse we are here for each other let me take that comment and not take it wrongly and not internalize it as a criticism as an attack let me just see it as another perspective somebody expressing their feeling and therefore I could remain in the relationship and remain connected throughout all of this which now brings us to another very important practical idea this is a story about the famous Russia Shiva of Tara vadas rabbi yaakov kamenetsky is a photonic live Raja he actually lived in Muncie for many years and then ultimately moved to New York lived in Toronto Toronto Muncie he grew up and he was a common in the yeshiva of Slovakia Slovakia is a city in Luther way Neum and there was the famed yeshiva of Slovakia with the altar of Sobotka finkles a trial of Rothko's fnatic laranja anna gabov kamenetsky came from a Luther Wayne Ian a little ish a town learned in Slovakia which was a very famous Lithuanian yeshiva and remained one of the literature Laird are one of the great sages of the last generation of the Luther a nian community Lithuania and dalam and a fascinating thing happened that once read this about him and that is Ruby akov remarried he had a second marriage and one of his grandchildren came to him for Shabbos and he sees that Rabbi Yaakov makes Kadesh and after kid is Shabbos afternoon shop this morning after most if he makes kid dish and after kid is she goes and he has some his sinus like some cake a little schnapps a little wine a little I am I don't know some herring some MS onus which he never saw by his grandfather this is not usually what at least many of the literature the Lithuanian Jews do this is a tradition by many of the Casa de communities not all of them are many consider communities have this custom they make kinder some wine and then they eat like they have a little kid issue eat something and then you go wash so he asked rebuke of seda since when did you adopt this sedition custom you're not you're not a constant you're on the track you're a real you lose away knee injury and he said something so moving he said that his wife his second wife in her first marriage this was the custom of her husband that Shabbos morning he made kiddush and he had thee on the wine and then he had a little you know snack what we call a kiddush and then he went to wash and he knew that if he does not do this for his wife something will be missing from the Shabbos experience because this is her minik and out of respect he decided to adopt this Hasidic custom and do it this way make kiddush and then eat some cake before going to wash interesting just me Indian Lee in a parenthesis he had another interesting custard accustomed that he didn't eat gab rocks which means he wouldn't make as matzo wet and pacer which as you know is a stringency by Hassidim but most of the literature communities had that except astringency and i was wondering about this and i once heard i think from a family member or a student or maybe I read it somewhere a fascinating reason for this when he was in Slovakia sheave you know they were very poor and they used to eat for Shabbos and other times it was called egg you would eat by different families and he once came to a particular a particular home and he was there for the Seder he was there for the city he couldn't make it home for sale I guess he didn't have the money or the mean so he was there at that home for the Seder and for some reason he doubted something about the cash reserve in the home but he was already there at the meal so what does he do they serve the soup and he was doubtful about I guess it was chicken soup maybe the chicken he was doubtful about the cash rose and they had Canadia which of course is made for matzo matzo balls you take flour you take matzo and you you crumble the matzo and you knead it together with with with water and you make matzo balls whatever else you put in there you make matzo balls clay block look I said I'm only do with a credential paste that's the last night of Payson but not the first seven days of basic so he gets the soup and he doesn't want to say that he's down in the Contras so you know what he said he came up with something he said he has a minute that he doesn't need your brackets and he has admitting he doesn't need to Brooke so they if we can't eat the soup so they understood okay you have a custom at the end he broke they understood and they didn't give him this soup and because he told them that he has a custom not to eat the Brooks so therefore he never ate get Brooks for the rest of his life not to utter a lie when I want to bring out from the first story the second story is also a powerful lesson about the need to be honest and truthful what I want to bring out from the first story is a very powerful idea and that is we each have to cut each other's slack right now it's very very important there's enough stress in the house speak with respect to your wife speak with respect to your husband there may be issues we may be angry we may be very upset we may feel obsessive we may feel overwhelmed these are normal emotions find a way to express them but it's very very important to cut each other's slack this is a time to be extra kind extra sensitive extra loving extra warm extra affectionate and even if you have a sacred tradition that you right away drink wine and you go wash right away to have the meal of Shabbos and there's no point to have cake in the middle Rob Yaakov coming as he said but this was my wife's Shabbos and I have to respect the way she experiences Shabbos and this is so true about everything in life you don't have to with the other person but respect where they're coming from listen to where they're coming from cut them a little slack especially during this time and it's very very important to remember something and that is people feel a lack of stability now people are worried they're worried about their future they're worried about their businesses they're worried about economics they're worried about a lot of other things there are reasons to be stressed out people are in pain people have lost loved ones during such a time when people are stressed out realize that they sometimes react from a stressed place and we have to be able to trust that we could speak about it to our spouse don't repress it don't hide it and don't get angry and run away communicate what is going on in your life with your spouse that's why I say everyday have conversations communicate how was your day how are you feeling what are you experiencing with the children this is also a time when we are all given special time with our children let's face it till this coronavirus a lot of children away in school even if they live at home they're away much of the day and they come home late at night it's a different reality now this is a gift I know it could be stressful but it's a gift it's a gift to spend time with each of your children to make sure this extra family time now I know Mexico City this isn't a good day a very sacred tradition not like us New Yorkers us New Yorkers if you get a family together on Shabbos it's already a big miracle when I came to Mexico City I remember I landed and they told me Isaac said we're going for lunch some with have a little lunch and I came in and I saw half the community there everybody takes so off a few hours by day a few hours at night I know that the family values are very very powerful and that's amazing and now we have to strengthen it even in Mexico City and certainly around the world this is a special time listen to your children if I bring with them dance with them have fun with them play games with them play sports with them learn with them davin with them and this is I should say a very special time for Dominic and learning we love shoe we love community but sometimes we have to learn to davin on our own and it's a special time because you can dove in and focus on a few words I would suggest that everybody everyday you focus on one paragraph and you read a translation of it so that you understand it so that your Davin is more sincere more premieres dick more genuine more authentic you could read books that you never had time to read you could learn forum that you never had time you could bond with your children in very special ways listen to them so don't forfeit this opportunity another very important principle don't expect everything to be perfect in the house your children are also going through a lot of experiences they're going through ups and downs there's a lot of fluctuations and a lot of moods teenagers in a good day don't have it easy you know their bodies are changing and they go through different moods and different ups and downs you have to know not to sweat the small stuff not everything is a big story not everything is a dramatic picture kids react in different ways kids fight with each other kids say sometimes things it's important to have a home that is a place where children can feel safe that means it's important that the home has structure the home has discipline the home has respect just like a home which is a boot camp we rule with an iron fist it's not a good home it can create trauma for children children need love and excitement and fun and relaxation the opposite is also true a home where there's no discipline where there's no expectations where it's a free-for-all can also create trauma for children because what happens then is the children don't feel that they are valuable they don't feel they're important they don't feel their parents are really involved in their lives so it's very very important balance between a home that's open and free and loving and exciting and fun and enjoyable but also a home where there is consistency where there is structure where there is discipline where there's accountability where there's conversation but without anger without it coming from your own insecurities don't lash out at your children because you're having a hard day the structure in the house must come from a place of love from a place of wholesomeness from a place of authenticity this is a great time to have conversations with your children different ages age-appropriate talk to them and more importantly listen to them it's extremely important that the technology in your home that you're using has the appropriate filters or that somehow you're monitoring you're overseeing what is happening because as children are growing up there are pop ups and even if it's unintentional you do not want your child by mistake to encounter websites that can drag them down into a place that can lead to disastrous results and even addiction it's also important that there's times in the home where there's no screens no phones and no screens yes we are all using screens now in one way or another but it's important that a few hours there's no screens and no telephones because it becomes addictive it's not good for the brain we use it much of the day but there's dinner time there's lunch time there's breakfast time there's Dominic time there's learning one on one with books not through technology very important not to use screens that people have to bond with each other we have to talk to each other we have to enjoy each other and we have to listen to each other I also want to share something else with you my dearest friends here I'm going to share a story and I find it to be a very it's a simple story but it's a very deep story it's a story about the ballot Anya and the story comes with a little history the year is 1812 Napoleon Bonaparte the Emperor of France decides it's not enough that he rules Europe he needs to rule - he had an appetite to rule the whole world and Russia remained you know the last standing fortress he was going to bring the Tsar to his knees and in June 1812 youth based Thomas Tov goof iron Bay's I think it was Napoleon's army six hundred thousand men the greatest army that ever existed and was mobilized best soldiers from all over Europe entered into covenant and went to attack Russia the ballot Anya the Altair ever about snails almond of Leah D lived as I just said in a city called Leah D Li a di Lama dude I love dollar dude Leah D it's still a little town you can visit it although there's nothing Jewish there that the Germans killed out everything and destroyed everything when they entered in the early 1940s with the Einsatzgruppen Masha mom and alter rebbe rabbi Schneerson and the ballot Anya lived in Lea D and he knew that Napoleon will soon enter his city and he refused to be under the pole Ian's rule even for a moment so before Shoshana a few days I think was every straightish Ella right before L oh he took his family and they escaped from Lea D and they escaped deep into Russia they went east towards the direction of Moscow and then they went down south to southern eastern Ukraine and there the Reber fell ill from one of the coldest winters in Russian history the N December 1812 and he passed away in a little town called P Anna and he's buried in ha ditch near Poltava we passed away Havdalah tava stuff KO phi n gimel the 24th 24th of Tabas Tov KO phi n gimble the end of 1812 December 1812 when there ever left Lee Rd he left himself himself his wife children grandchildren and all of their families and many of the clothes Hassidim lived there so they went with 60 wagons and because he was very helpful to the Czar in his war against Napoleon which is a whole separate story the Russian the Czar's army sent guards troops from the army from the Tsar's army to protect the ballot anja in this escape it's an incredible story the whole escape but I want to share one detail of the story has to do with marriage there was a wealthy about costed of the ballot Anna's name was Ruby it's Kyrgyz Oliver and a beautiful silver was a very affluent drew and he sponsored the trip he basically paid for the expenses of the ballot Anya travelling in 60 wagons with the family they needed food that had to remain there they stopped in different cities they took hotels wherever they stayed he paid for everything he came with our backs a chest filled with gold and silver coins he was a very affluent Jew very very close to their ever close disciple he paid the expenses the bow vitaly once arrived in a particular city during this escape before Shabbos and they spent Shabbos there and they stayed in a hotel or a motel rabbits cook silver traveled with his wife and they also state they also stayed in the hotel they had a room and the room had a porch like a balcony you went out and the balcony had a a gate that blacked and protected nobody to fall off from the balcony because they were on the second floor of the hotel as they were sitting there by the balcony they were sitting in schmoozing the buicks wife started to complain and she said I really don't understand you why in your right mind did you accept upon yourself such a financial yoke to sponsor this whole thing mainly you want to give money to the rabbit to the ballot Anya okay you want to you want to sponsor him but it's not just him you know it is 60 families you're bringing and it's all on you come this is not fear you're being used and soon everything will be depleted we will have nothing left for ourselves and as a good Jewish couple they got into all argument you know she said and he said and he said and she said and he's in a reason and she started to give him a piece of her mind she was chastising him and screaming at him and rebuked II in the middle she got so upset she got so fired up she stood up and she came close to her husband screaming at him and with his hand he gave her a little push he gave her a little push unfortunately and she slipped and fell on the fence on the on the get there on the fence of the of the of the balcony and apparently it was weak and it broke and she fell down from the second floor she fell down to the ground of the first floor and he saw this and it was obviously a mistake in an accident and he ran down and she was there lifeless lifeless so it seemed and he started to scream and scream and and they started to scream for doctor doctor and he ran to the altar but he ran to the ball upon you he ran to his room he knew where he was staying and he told her never what happened they got into an argument and they gave her a little push and she slipped and the fence was weak and she fell down and she's there and she's she's mum she's lifeless she's not moving she doesn't want to get up so the bow her Tania stood up he had a stick he came over he stood by this woman by rebukes wife and the story goes that he said these words in Yiddish and I'm gonna quote Maximus Manish certain Ephesus asmath survey told Sushma Taman stay off engaged Oberyn I think I once read that her name was higher I think so for summary that's my memory and he said Kyla Marx's nourish as thefts as MIT services with a man stay you're from gangster borough which means Kyla don't be petty don't behave like a fool sometimes we get in to a fight to a word argument MIT's of Vettel's if you get into a word verbal fight with your husband it's nothing stand up and come back home and hila your pizzas over his wife stood up she went back home as though nothing happened now you'll choose how to interpret the story I'm not here to do that but I'm here to discuss the holy words of the ballot Anya Kyla Masterson is Manish certain ephesus as MIT surrett oldest Mitama we have to have perspective and this is where it is so important to develop perspective especially nowadays and that is normal arguments with words are common this is what happens we have different opinions different experiences different perspectives the question is how do you contextualize it do you see it part of a story of strife or do you see it as part of a story of love and I want to clarify what I'm going to say by an insight of another topic who once said what's the difference between or rich you're gonna you're gonna like this in Mexico what's the difference between a rich man and a poor man what's the difference so you'll say well our rich guy has money and a poor guy doesn't have money but you know that's not always true very often there are rich people who don't have money now they don't have cash they don't have liquid their money is invested they have a huge lawsuit they're in debt they don't always have have some money but they don't always have money and sometimes this poor people who have a good day yeah fundraisers or snorers or other poor people and sometimes they make in one day quite a car a nice amount of money and they have money today yet he's called rich and he's called poor why so one of the great drivers there our shop once said as follows he said it's not about if you have money you don't have money it's how you look at yourselves at yourself it's the general perspective how you view yourself a rich man's says themself I'm a rich person I'm a wealthy person I'd is somebody suing you in court for twenty million dollars are you owe the bank thirty five million dollars oh you took a loan for another three million dollars okay I have to deal with it but I'm a rich man I have connections I have good standing have a great reputation I'm a rich man I'm a person who's rich right now I need a loan I need to deal with this headache I need to deal with this SEC a poor man he looks at himself generally I am a pauper I today I happen to have money today was a good day somebody gave me a wonderful check for $5,000 today I have money in the bank but Who am I I'm a poor person it happens to be that today I have money said this is true in life as well there's two perspectives in life one perspective on life is I'm a poor person I'm a traumatized person I'm a problem case I'm hopeless I'm depressed I'm a loser I'm confused I don't have a good marriage I can't have a good relationship with my kids I can't have a good relationship with God I can't have a good relation with myself today happen to have money it's a good day okay but Who am I am a poor person this is what the HR Hara wants you to know about yourself there's another approach in life and the other approach in life is no I'm a rich person I'm a great person I'm with splendid purse my soul is a fail Achille comi my Amish my soul is a piece of Hashem I am a manifestation of God in this world I am a divine ambassador of love of light of hope of wholesomeness of healing of Redemption there was greatness wherever you touch me there's greatness today you have a lawsuit I'm in debt I have to fix something I have to fix a few things I have to say I'm sorry I made a mistake I need a new children but Who am I I'm a wonderful person I'm one with God I am a piece of sanctity I am slow so I shall Adam camisa I'm Ashley I am an ambassador of the rebind asylum in this world I represent the Shemin this world and therefore at my core I have all the confidence and all the strength and all the resilience and all the happiness and all the beauty that I need does it mean that there's no dirt to me of course this dirt to me does it mean I don't have to make mistakes doesn't mean I don't have bad moments doesn't mean I don't make do transgressions doesn't mean that I don't have to make men's does it mean that I don't have conflict conflicts as far as I have conflicts rich people don't have conflicts which people don't have lawsuits rich people don't have dead but I'm really I'm a rich person it's about perspective who you are and the same is true in marriage you could have two types of marriages one marriages by definition this is a miserable marriage and every time there's an argument it just confirms you see I can't trust them I can't trust her I can't trust them I can't trust you decided already 20 years ago 30 years ago 40 years ago three years ago that this is a bad marriage and you keep on confirming your negative prophecy it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy every time he says something or she says something that doesn't fit your imagination of what you would like to hear right away you see I knew I can't trust this person we have to change our perspective the perspective has to be you are rich you have a great marriage you're both wonderful people there's so much good in you there's so much good in him there's so much good in her there's so much beauty there's so much potential there's so much love there's so much warmth there's so much affection what does the Ballentine is a misogynist Manish I'm all surrenders with their mom of course this conflict of course is arguments of course there's different perspectives but put it in the context of richness put it in the context of trust we have to learn that we could trust each there tell me that you could trust me I want to be able to trust you within that context we can deal with conflict we can deal with disagreements because we can give each other the benefit of the doubt instead of it saying oh I don't have money today it means I'm poor no I don't have money today we have to deal with that but we are rich we are rich in spirit the Gemara says in the Dharam ain't on ele badia poverty and richness is a mindset it's a form of consciousness richness it's good to have money in your bank account don't get me wrong everybody should have a lot a lot of money in their bank account but it's critical to cultivate oh so richness and mindset and poverty in mindset okay my dearest dearest friends there's so much to say but I think my time is up I already spoke I think for close to an hour so let's go to the questions and answers so here on chat people have been asking questions people have been asking questions here on chat in Spanish and I will begin to address the questions and yes so I was looking about questions questions that people have and if you are long to me there is a few important questions that people want to know your advice please your approach please go ahead so somebody wrote that she feels that he's very involved helping all type of institutions here in Mexico and he's all day long in SU meetings trying to help all kinds of institutions but he's a little bit like ever the importance of [Music] so he's not he's not so involved and family values and he's more like outside trying to help everybody what your well is he here with us as he is she asking for him or he also cares about it okay well it's it's hard to answer because we have to hear what he has to say but generally it's very very important for all of us who are involved in community affairs and helping people as the Navi says what you know via Shire says key serie our room with he seesaw when you see a person who's naked give him clothes and when you see a person who's hungry give him food and when you see a person who's thirsty give him a drink whom absorb the Altis alum but don't run away from your own flesh and part of what that means is as many of us are leaders we are heroes to the world it's great but be a hero to your own family to your own wife and children or to your own husband and children and let's face it and trust me I have a little experience with this it's very easy to be a hero by the world it's much harder to be a hero for your own children you know why because they know you much better right take a person like myself if I want to be honest and vulnerable til Corona I traveled the world and I traveled extensively and I come to a place like Mexico City or Melbourne Australia or Johannesburg or Cape Town or Los Angeles or Brazil and I give my speech and I get a wonderful round of applause and it's beautiful I was there one night for two hours they enjoyed it I enjoyed it and I go home wonderful but home that's where real life is happening that's where you're raising your own children that's where you're building your deepest and greatest phew so it's so important not to get involved in the community and neglect your loved ones many of us do it and it's a tragic mistake some of us do it because it's it's hard at home so we use our community leadership as a distraction but some of us do it actually for good reasons we are idealistic we want to help people and we don't realize that our boys and our girls and our spouses really really need us so that's why I say to all of you help people as much as possible but remember the first people you're responsible to is your one you're married to in your children you must spend time with them you need a bond with them you need to listen with them because if not god forbid when they get older you may be experiencing so many challenges because of a lack of a relationship that all of your communal involvement you will see was not worth it because today especially children need dedicated and caring parents and the most important thing is emotional connection with parents you need to be emotionally connected with each one of your children to the best of your ability and that's why I say to all of you to this person asking the question at everybody else help people and be there for people but do not neglect your family and if you have to make compromises and figure it out figure it out but this is extremely important [Music] because he's very far away he knows this is a excellent excellent question excellent beautiful question so my dearest friend what I would suggest what I would suggest as a first step first of all I'm so proud of you for asking such an important question during such an important time and it's really great that you're focusing on this fortunate are you that you're utilizing this moment to discover a deeper part of yourself I'm going to suggest a few steps to begin with I assume this is a man or a woman do we know Isaac a man or a woman a man okay so here's a few steps that I would suggest the first thing is to do something very practical every day and that is to try to put on tefillin if you need to get the pure filling you can get in touch with your bicycle with me and we can help you but every day for a few minutes to wrap to fill in in the morning and say a prayer to God and it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be prescribed by anybody speak from your heart God understands all languages it could be for five minutes 10 minutes 15 minutes you can use acid or a prayer book with the language that you understand you could do that but in addition to that works besides that pray from your heart speak to God tell him this tell God that you know this is an opportunity to come close but you don't know how to get close this itself is a very meaningful relationship because this is how a relationship begins when you could say I want to be close to you but I don't know how to be close so I would suggest to try to do this every weekday morning for a few minutes to put on tefillin and say a prayer till you get that fill and you could do the prayer without that film that's number one number two to give charity every day the gifts is that car every day it could be a few coins a little amount a bigger amount but every day to give charity to somebody in need and and this is a suggestion to everybody by the way give what everyday give one lonely person a call an aunt an uncle an old friend a person you used to work with a class McGavin spoken to in ten years the guard at the door the person in the grocery stop in the shop a great uncle a brother-in-law a second cousin everyday a senior citizen even a stranger call somebody up and reach out to them this is how we emulate and become agents of God's compassion in the world my last suggestion to you is and a very very important suggestion is to build a relationship with God we have to start getting to know God's perspective how do we get to know God's perspective through learning Torah every day take five or ten or fifteen or twenty minutes as much time as you have and start learning Torah what should you learn here is a few options you'll know what speaks to you most either you can take a book of Judaism a book of Torah and start learning or if there is a teacher that you love to listen to or your cherish go online and listen to a class every day maybe you could do one class over a few days 20 minutes a day for example if you're enjoying my lecture I have a few thousand classes online you can go on to the you see with that net or any other rabbi or Rebbetzin who you enjoy and listen every day learn a little Torah from inside from outside as you start learning you internalize more and more God's perspective on life God's expectations from us in life God's love to us in life who we are as people who we are as Jews and already in a few weeks you will find yourself growing in so many ways and I wish you a lot of success in this amazing beautiful journey with love and not slacking there watch over there on vacation okay I don't know the details but it's not such a terrible thing maybe you should also start feeling you're on vacation it doesn't have to be a time of stress now your children are filling their vacation you know why because they do have a little vacation let's face it nobody is running to school everyone has more time classes are a little different right you get to leave class when you want and I have some teenagers here in my house right and I heard one of them saying I'm ditching class today and things are a little different things are more relaxed instead of convincing your children that it's not vacation I would do something else try to make this time special for your children make it meaningful do you know that there are many children now who are learning better than they learned in school you know why they could read a lot of books that they couldn't read in school sometimes they're pursuing things and projects that they didn't have time to pursue in school so turn the vacation into a time of growth let it be learning with a different energy with a flavor of relaxation that's what I would say of course you want to encourage them to show up to school on time and be responsible to school for school work but nothing wrong with a little experience of vacation in a good way that's my opinion that's my opinion excellent excellent how do we maintain some things that we learnt and the answer is you have to take some of the new discoveries that you had and make them a permanent part of your life maybe it means that from now yeah you're going to spend some extra time with your spouse every single day without your phone maybe it means that you're Davin is going to be a little different that you're learning is going to be a little different maybe it means that every single day you're going to sure to spend special time with your children and put it in your calendar maybe it means and this is more general that you're gonna learn to speak differently to people for example I'll give you a simple example there are people now who are feeling closer to the world you know when you're in a crisis together you feel closer to people and you're less smug and arrogant so there are people today walking in the street and they say hi to everybody with such warmth maybe it's gonna be that when you go to the store and you see somebody cleaning and mopping instead of just walking by you're going to acknowledge them and thank them maybe it's when the kids go back to school the janitor is gonna be thanked and appreciate it these are habits that we create in our lives to make the world a much more spiritual and kind place I would say take a few things that you're learning now and make them concrete in your daily life and don't forget don't become arrogant when this is over remember that the whole physical structure of the world as powerful as it looks is really heavy LaVon says thou shalt you know the song says thou shalt available and ain't no in the middle of our day right everything is vanity there's nothing outside of my Shem so it's always hard to talk about this really come on come on look at politics look at the arts look at money look at the Wall Street look at the power and comes a little coronavirus that nobody could see and brings the whole world to its knees and suddenly you see that there's only one reality in the world one real reality in the world and that's Hashem there's one reality in your life and that's your own internal connection with God and if you can discover that now and live with that the world will be a much more redeemed place when we emerge from this the vacation that person is asking it's not only because playing electronics all day long is not a good idea so you have to in a kind and respectful and loving but firm way you have to create structures for the benefit of the children there's something called gaming addiction there's something called screen addiction it's very very important to have limits because when you're on games all day you can't think there's no normal social interactions and social communication you stay up all night then you wake up late it's simply not good for the brain so yes we all want entertainment then we all want fun so it's important to make times and explain to them it shouldn't be done out of anger and impulse and screaming no create structures in the house maybe after a certain hour they have to give in their screens or after a certain hour the internet goes down or after a certain hour they have to shut it off and put it away somewhere create structures that are normal that are balanced that are fear to the children so that they should be able to be more successful and they will be thankful to you because remember children often have a temptation right I want this lollipop and I want another lollipop another love another lollipop but when you say no you're doing me a favor because even though I'm going to cry right now but deep down I want to be a responsible person deep down everybody wants to succeed our teenagers want to succeed and they need our their parents to be able to step into their life and in a loving rational balanced and caring way create structures that are good for them not structures that make them feel that they are you know being monitored every single moment and they're now that express themselves I'm not talking about that I'm talking about structures that help bring out the best in them Entertainment is great but like everything in the world that needs limits food is great but if I don't stop eating it's really not good for me a game if I don't stop playing one game another game another game another game it's really really not that we have to get out we have to exercise we have to communicate with people it's simply much better so it's important to create these structures with kindness and settle with wisdom don't be right be smart you know the difference in life it's more important to be wise than to beasts than to be right Alta yet so Dec tetra ham that's the expression what what's your opinion when we come in contact with people that they don't have about the quarantine so here in Mexico we are experiencing a lot of people that some people that they're 19 Wow my advice is that it's extremely important to educate everybody that you can educate about the seriousness of this the fact is that 99.9% of rabbis and a hundred percent of doctors the world over have cautioned and warned that quarantine saves lives and even though some people say oh this doctor has an agenda and this president has an agenda this doctor has an agenda look at Israel look at Israel they certainly care for their people there's a lot of good doctors there and they care for their people look what they did learn from Israel the politics that we have here is not an Israeli politics over here the Republicans and Democrats and Trump and anti Trump and this doctor and that doctor look at Israel and Israel was defined as the safest country now they went on lockdown first they shut everything down they quarantined people over pace us there were days where stores weren't open even grocery stores they used a holiday of Mesa to be able to enforce an absolute quarantine and the results were incredible by Russia so it's so important to explain to people we are the nation that gave the world the gift of a half dollar Africa Maya we are the nation that taught the world about quarantine 2,000 years ago when it was unheard of the gomorian Baba kama and it's broadened our warfare discussed that when there's a pandemic you must go into quarantine so that you shouldn't get infected and not affect others we know the fact that this pandemic travels so fast and that it's extremely contagious and that there's a certain percentage of people who get very ill or die from it how can people whose lives are dedicated to caring for other people we are the nation that taught the world that saving one life is saving the world and destroying one life is destroying the world how can it be that our people are being so callous and insensitive in such a crisis and even if you think there are errors better to err err on the side of caution even if it's a Suffolk and Suffolk it's faxmaker maybe maybe maybe maybe let's understand this when people go to a minyan or people go to a bar mitzvah or people go have dinner together or people go to a supermarket and they mingle together if one person has the virus he may have the virus but not have any symptoms he's young and healthy and fresh and vibrant many people have the virus they don't have the symptoms and he puts it on a piece of foods cuz it stays on a piece of food and that piece of food gets delivered that night to a 70 year old man and his life is in danger the more we mingle the more it spreads and spreads and spreads and look at the communities where they were not quarantined how many funerals were there how many funerals so we must educate and enlighten people and explain this to people in kind but very firm and non-negotiable words this is absolutely irresponsible it is such a lack of sensitivity and literally a cause of spilling blood of murder how can people be so insensitive to this and we have to stand up to such callousness and to such insensitivity and to such denial of reality and facts every doctor in the world and every doctor in Israel is wrong and you're the only one who's right because you have to go to a minyan because you have to go to the mikveh cuz you have to go to up a mitzvah cos you want to be social that's my opinion sorry for not being sorry for not being too diplomatic okay somebody's asking that with their shared about what's happening they get up at night excellent excellent question how do we arrange the fear of our children they get up at night oh they can't fall asleep at night and the answer to that is this is where it's so important to try to meditate with your children and maybe exercise with your children or do exercises that can calm them down one important thing is to listen to the fears of your children and to be able to talk to them maybe do breathing sessions together where you could breathe in and breathe out slowly and they can imagine the color pink encompassing them help your children think about the fact that Hashem loves them infinitely and unconditionally and holds their hands and takes care of every single one of us and every single human being every moment of our lives every single moment of life is a miracle as a divine miracle 50 trillion cells 50 trillion cells maybe a hundred trillion cells according to some each have to function in an incredibly complex and intricate way to allow one living organism one body to be healthy and that's the divine energy guiding every single life every single person every single organism and every single single aspect of our creation Hashem loves you he wants your best he takes care of you he protects you speak about this with your children meditated on it together do relaxing things together when they go to sleep it may be important for you to lay with them a little bit to speak about these things to share with them heartwarming stories I will suggest something else every single Sunday 4:00 o'clock New York time I do a special children's program we have already done eight programs in the last eight weeks with children and part of my program is doing meditations with the children to be able to help them relax so you could come every Sunday 4:00 o'clock New York time on the yeshiva dotnet and maybe your children could benefit a lot from that program but try during the day to help your children process these emotions by calming them down and explaining to them that there is no reason to fear yes we're going through a challenging time but we are in the hands of Hashem who loves us in the most incredible and powerful way also look in maybe two different vitamins or nutrients or diets that can help your child speak to people in your community who are experts in this area because there may be a supplement or a vitamin that your child can have maybe for sleeping or during the day or during the night that can help them also in this area another important thing is it's good if you didn't do it in the last 12 months it's good to check the mezuzahs in your home the mezuzahs as the commentators say are very powerful protective measure if you didn't do it in the last 12 months make sure it's a good idea to have the mezuzahs checked in the house another thing is in every bedroom of each of the children put a hamish a scissor and at sadaqa box it should be the child's commish and the scissor and it stock a box and explain to them what it is and it should be his or hers whether it's a girl or a boy or both of them can have theirs if they're sharing a room these aren't some suggestions that I would share with you there's a few questions devising a few questions that came in through the is she banette do you mind they were good questions do you mind if I go through them okay so people asked questions on the issue but that mess I'll just go through them okay when a teenager is dealing with a sick parent and I am her friend how can I help her now if I can't pull her out of her house because of quarantine and my close friend she's a teenager has a sick parent excellent question and the most important thing is to be here for her in any way possible what that means is maybe you can help with shopping so deliver food to the house that would I'm sure be a major help call her reach out to her FaceTime her a text her message ur caller on the phone zooom whatever the technology you use but just be a support for her tell her that you want to be here for her you're thinking about her you're diving for her and you're diving for her parents let her know that she could lean on you and she'll already deal with it in the best way she needs one day she'll be more talkative one day she'll be less talkative one day she'll be in the mood of talking to you one day nah but don't worry about it don't take it personal you reach out to her in the morning and in the evening every day and tell her that you love her you're here for her you want to be there for her if you could help in any way maybe by delivering food or helping in any other form or fashion just be present in her life that's the best thing that you can do is there a message we should transmit to our children about this present situation yes there's a very important message and that is our children are the future tomorrow of the world our future our children represent the future the world is now going through a change this is a very very important change and our children are the ones who need to be at the forefront of this transformation and this is the message you want to bring to your children the world is now becoming a more refined place a more caring place a more loving place a place where people are becoming more in tune with their natural and innate kind ourselves this is a very very special moment this is a time to be able to discover your inner spirituality your inner soul your inner core or to put it in other words this is a time that the world is preparing to cultivate a consciousness of gula rather than a consciousness of Bellis the consciousness of dulles is we are all alone selfish greedy not trusting a consciousness of gula is we are all one we are all part of infinity we are all a manifestation of infinity in this world we are ambassadors of love light hope healing and redemption that is Who I am that is who you are that is who each of our children are that is the person you want to identify with when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night and during the day who do you want to identify with you want to identify with the person in you which sees herself or himself as a divine ambassador of love light and hope if yes just yeah I want to take Isaac Sita for all these Airport and sponsors in Mexico coal and gas and we're very excited to announce future events with you and with speakers and thank you thank you thank you thank you should I continue should I continue okay and I want to thank all the sponsors and I want to thank the whole community Mexico City and I want to bless all of you that you should go from strength and continue building yourselves as a community as an in the viv area meant in your homes with Avatar M rata Torah and eyevac Israel the love of God the love of Torah the love of the Jewish people and the love of humanity which as I know exemplifies the Jewish community of Mexico City in all of its rainbow colors and the entire gamut and spectrum of this very fascinating and beautiful and loving and warm community so Kazak ver mots let me thank thank you thank you for the privilege and thank you for the sauce if a soul has multiple physical bodies in which it appeared in this world my question is take a father whose father died mom remarries and they have a new family together when Messiah comes which father will the original family have will their father who died young get up physically and be reunited with his kids what about his wife who now has a new husband excellent question and my answer my answer to you is let me assure you one thing and that is when mushiya comes everybody is gonna be as happy as can be everybody will feel that they are exactly where their neshama asked to be they are in the relationships where they have to be they are married and connected to the people they have to be connected to in a way that everybody is the most fulfilled so the exact way how it's gonna work out we're gonna leave up to God and mercy occitane know but one thing you don't have to be afraid that every relationship and marriage is gonna reach its ultimate fruition so that every soul mate will be connected to the person it has to be that he or she has to be connected to I love bar mitzvahs I love to dance I love to make people happy now we are home how can I make people happy I know I can call friends uncles ends bubbies eighties but is there any other way to make people happy oh so can you please say a joke okay that's funny okay so the answer is every every generation has its unique opportunity every time has its unique opportunity there are times Hashem wants you to go to a bar mitzvahs this time Hashem doesn't want you to go to bar mitzvahs you could dance in your home you can dance with your brothers and sisters you can dance with your parents you can call people on the phone and sing a beautiful song to them you can upload a video of you singing and send it out to your friends and community members remember there are so many ways to make people happy if you just call a few people a day and sing the song to senior citizens sing the song to them you will make their day question how to deal with mikvah and couples purity during coronavirus okay many of the mikvahs were not closed but they are following very very strict guidelines only one person comes at a time after every you person they disinfect the mikveh people maintain the proper distance so you have to find out what are the guidelines in your community and follow it and if necessary call two competent doctors who are experts in this area and consult what you should do in your particular situation but obviously we want to maintain maril life in the best way possible especially now what can yeah but they think that this is something that we have to weep like this one so something very big and very big catastrophe doesn't happen how to do with such and we am and where do they want to leave to know they know they have to be where they are why do you have to have such a catastrophic mindset the great sages used to say track good but sign good think positive what does it help you to be in a negative mindset negative mindsets come from the X ahora if there's something practically you have to do we have to do it Hashem says to listen to doctors we have to take care of our health we have to protect our families if there's something you have to do physically make sure you do it but in terms of your spirit and your mindset this is not a time to get depressed and into a conscious graphic mindset you have to do what you have to do you have to protect yourself you have to protect your family if there's something you know you needed to do you need to do to secure your health and your loved ones health of course do it but in terms of a mindset I don't see the benefit of such a mindset the mindset has to be to remember that Hashem loves you Hashem is guiding us a Shem is taking care of us this doesn't mean we understand everything there's a lot of things we don't understand there's a lot of things we can't wrap our brains around there's a lot of tragedies that are devastating and they devastate us to our core and we may never know the reason for all of these things but our mindset should be one of trust our mindset should be one in which we know that God in His infinite wisdom and his infinite love to us takes care of us this is a crisis that has its own meaning and its own purpose it's certainly beyond me an hour opportunity is now to become leaders don't be a victim be a leader instead of being worried anxious wake up every morning and ask not what the world can do for you ask what you can do for the world can you please can you please I live in a neighborhood where all shoals and all mixes are open without social distancing my wife keeps on asking me why am I not going to show like all the people in my neighborhood how do I deal with it my wife asks this question in front of my children well I don't know what to tell you but you're now allowed to go to shul at this time you're now allowed to mingle with people at this time it is absolutely immoral and dangerous and it's the wrong thing to do it can literally cause the death of other human beings so that is what your family has to understand every moment we are quarantined we are part of the Mitzvah of hot solace the forces of saving people's lives obviously the conversation with your wife should be done in a kind and respectful way I am a little surprised because women are usually smarter than men and more practical than men okay my men how do I get my 9 year old boy to sleep at a normal hour he sleeps whenever he wants I tried everything bribes consequences conversations nothing works he never sleeps sometime but since Cairo he never goes to sleep on time but since Corona he sleeps he goes to sleep on me and 11 or 12 even 1 a.m. ok first of all welcome to the club you're not the only family where kids are going to sleep where kids are going to sleep late however I think the most important thing is speak to them understand what's going through his mind create a schedule for him create a healthy structure maybe there's games you could play at night maybe he needs to be a little more tired that night maybe he can take some melatonin maybe he could take some other vitamins but have a conversation with them in a structure works from I mean is he getting up for school on time is if you go to sleep at 1:00 a.m. it's very hard to get up on time so my point is I don't know how your home works but it's important to have a conversation with them and come to a realization help them come to the realization that there's something wrong but it could be you have to listen to maybe he's scared maybe there's something bothering it maybe you have to spend more time with him in the bedroom maybe there's something eating up at him and that's why he's not falling asleep so you have to make sure that that is being dealt with okay my dearest friends my dearest friends I think I think it's well it's late okay I think that okay excellent so I want to I want to send my love and blessings to all of you all of you in Mexico City thank you so so much for joining us it's been a great honor and a great privilege and very meaningful that I want to bless you to go from strength to strength and utilize this time really for tremendous growth this is a time where you could reveal your deepest strength and leadership qualities and I really bless and hope that every one of us utilizes this time to discover a deeper dimension in ourselves and in our loved ones so that we can emerge from this much more blessed and much more wise and much more enlightened and much kinder and much purer and much more sacred and much more true to ourselves so that together we can usher in a new dawn of redemption boom hey Rob you may know our main stay healthy stay healthy and be blessed Kazak Kazakh the niska's ake thank you very much I love you all have a wonderful evening thank you and thank you and thank you for bringing those together