Mekudeshet Event - Rabbi Joey Haber

Good morning and thank you very much for having me here. This is a beautiful setting to the Montu family only filled this home with happiness and but I don't know if everyone back here understands what pain looks like and what pain sounds like. I'd like to describe it with a brief thought. Everyone here heard of. Do you know where in the Torah she passes away? You look hard enough, you won't find it. It doesn't say that she passed away. Sai is a whole story. If manu doesn't say there's one word that talks about her nurse passing away and she says this eludes to the fact that also passed away and she asked this powerful question I don't understand this one about matriarchs why does it the Torah tell us and she says here's why had a child named he wasn't a good man and we were afraid faith that people would talk when she passed away. This is the woman who gave birth to they would curse her. So in order to avoid that curse, the Torah hides it. That doesn't tell us our passing. Now I have a question. I understand she had a challenge. Sai also had a challenge. She had a lot of challenges. She was in world wars. She was taken from her husband twice. She didn't have a kid. though she was older. Why? Why s we glorify and if God we hide? And I think the answer is very real. There are some challenges in life that when you overcome those challenge, you're a conquering hero. You got thrown a curveball. You dealt with it. You deal with it well. Wow. People talk about you heard the story. You heard his before. You heard the after. Wow. And then there are challenges that you're embarrassed of. Guy man was challenged when she's embarrassed. She's lonely. She's dealing with it alone. And therefore, she doesn't want anyone to know. The pain of a single girl is not the kind of pain our community had 30 or 40 years ago. For the most part, it's a modern current new pain. And it's probably the most common and most difficult pain in our entire community. And I get a lot of calls and a lot of texts and a lot of emails every single day. And they're about all different kinds of issues, but by far and away, the group that's two phones, this one and this one, the group that's emailing and texting and calling are single girls. I haven't gone on a date in two years. My two youngest siblings got married and I'm alone. And until now, we had no answer for them. We would tell her, "Okay, go to a party on Sunday. Get drunk before you get there and maybe that'll attract the boy. Maybe if you go to some island for seven days in the middle of the winter, maybe something good will happen. You got seven days. By the time you're home, it's over for six months." That's what they're told until enter. Hashem gave us the gift that is mikesh is there for every girl and for every boy so that no person feels this pain of being alone and sometimes a matchmaker calls with a good idea. Sometimes it's not the best idea but next thing you know the next idea is awesome. Only takes one. So someone throws at you three prospects. Two of them are not relevant. One of them is a good idea. You go on four dates and it didn't work out. Okay, there's hope. Two months later, you go on another five dates at least to another five at least another 10. Next thing you know, you're married and you have a family. They told me that we just saw you already had a baby. It's unbelievable what could be done. There's no stigma. It's gone. I'll tell you the stigma. The stigma is 28 years old and feeling like nobody cares. The stigma is feeling like I haven't gone on a date in three years. The stigma is feel like everybody else is building houses and building lives and I am completely alone and irrelevant. Until came along and said, "Your pain is our pain. Your struggle is our struggle. Your future is our future. Your hope is our hope. Your dreams are our dreams and the work that they've done. And it's hard work. That's why people need to be compensated because it's hard work. You get burnt out by doing this. It's so hard because when you're talking to a girl that's in pain and you're talking to a boy who's nervous about what it costs to live in this community, you have a lot of back and forth. And I don't know, and I'm not sure. And maybe I'd have to call my rabbi and my sister, my brother, my mother. And then I have to call my rabbi again. And then I'm not sure. My friends tell me that I shouldn't maybe I should be nervous about this one. It's so much by making it organized by creating a database by focusing on each people individually by caring by taking care of the matchmakers to make sure they can get it done by making sure that this is something that happens no matter which school you graduate from in this community is for you. I don't care what your religious level is. Doesn't matter how you observe Shabbat. Do it. There's 100 different levels in this community. You could be any one of those 100 levels. Idea of having someone call you up and say, "I have a suggestion. There's a boy for you. There's a girl for you." Do some research. Don't just meet her somewhere and try to hope that you get the right girl. Do some research. Ask five people. Call their friends. Call their rabbit. So now when you're going in, you're already going in with confidence. If this works, this is something I'm so excited about. The number one pain in this community is the pain of the sickness. And this morning, with everyone's participation, we have the chance to alleviate that pain. Don't let go of this incredible responsibility on you and on me. Thank you.