Habayit Event - Rabbi Joey Haber

Okay, thank you very very much for being here. I understand we're in a tent, but it's definitely still a little hot outside. >> How long are you sitting here for? >> An hour? >> What hour? >> That's not a great way to lead into a speech like spitting an hour before. >> So you would I be doing you a favor if I said thank you and go home? >> No. >> Oh, thank you. Okay, good. I wanted I wanted to hear you say that. It makes me feel good. Thank you very very much for being here. And the truth is I would take all the credit. I would happens to be I give a class at 11:30 and I have to drive through here to get to that class. And I saw how many people were already here at 11:15. So you're obviously not here for me. You're obviously here because this organization, this organization is one of the more unique and incredible organization that has really piqu the imagination of our community and I don't even know how many years ago it began, but it's something that's so interesting and so unique. >> Three and a half >> three and a half years ago. Most organizations wait 20 years to get an audience like this. You started three and a half years ago and look at the kind of reception and all day there's been tons of people here in and out. By the way, just another little side note, if you're ever at a bake sale or an event and there's a rabbi speaking, don't be caught walking out when he's walking in. Cuz like any person that I saw walking out, I took their name down. I was like, "One second. I thought I thought you were." And here's why Habay is an incredible concept. Oh, thank you. I don't mean to make anyone jealous, but here's why Habay is an incredible concept. The reason it's an incredible concept is if anyone here has ever had a family member that's not well, obviously the number one thing you care about is are they going to live? And most outsiders once they are comforted with the knowledge that they are going to live, they pretty much ignore the subject. Oh, that person. Oh, you heard what happened to that person? Yeah. Oh, so sad. She's going to live. Move on. That is the mindset that so many of us have. And what you don't realize until you have a family member that's in this kind of position is just because they're going to live doesn't mean it's going to be easy. And the journey even if they're going to live is so intense. It's intense physically, it's intense emotionally, and it's very intense financially because what happens to a family is there are so many side costs that come along with having a family member that's not well besides maybe spouse is not on a job, both spouses are not on the job. Now picture a family, a member, a ch person coming from a different country and now they have to navigate this country. They don't speak the language. They don't know where to go and they definitely have no place to stay. And never did they imagine when they boarded the plane from Israel or anywhere else in the world that they would come here and there l literally would be everything that's embedded in a bay in the habay apartment care love toys food everything that could be and suddenly a person who comes to a different country feels like a lonely person and is nervous that maybe Trump is going to catch them to all of a sudden feeling like they are at home, like they are where they belong, like they're cared for and loved for. And that's what makes Habay incredible. [Music] And there are so many people, young and old, that have used habit in the last three and a half years. How many parms do you have so far, Ali? >> 20. 20 apartments. Wow. 20 apartments that are usually used. >> Almost always used all the time. >> That's why we have 20. >> That's why we have 20. We could have done 15 if we're using 15. Get it? So 20 apartments that are used almost all the time. It's incredible. And part of what's beautiful about it is everybody knows our community has tremendous. It's not only our community that knows it, but frankly every community around the world knows it. And when we have the opportunity to share it, it's what makes us incredible. And part of the beauty of Habay is someone could come from a different community, never even doesn't know any one of us and they can instantly feel at home. So, I'm going to try to give a message and make it relatively short because it is hot, but hopefully important nonetheless. Is the tent going to fall down? We're confident. Oh, you're holding it up. Okay, very good. Oh, boy. I guess if someone gets hurt, you have a place for them to stay. Okay, whatever. I don't know why I'm in a funny mood. It's all good. Okay, it's all okay. Okay, here's what I'd like to share with you today. How do you get from here to there? What is the quickest way to get from here to there? That means that every person in every stage in their life, you're in a position and there's some place you want to go to. Maybe it's get married, maybe have children, maybe get better, maybe get wealthy, maybe get through school. You want to go from here to there, how do you get there? So, I'm going to share with you something, a contrast that's in a Mishna that's based in last week's para. The Mishna writes that look at the difference between the students of Abrahamu and the students of B. And the Mishna cites the differences which is not our point here today. But our point is today is that why is that the comparison? If there was anything I would compare Abraham maybe to I don't know Abel I don't know someone in his time Ephron. Why are you comparing Abraham who was a few hundred years prior to Bam? If you want to compare Bam to someone, compare him to Mosenu. Compare him to why Abraham. If you look deeper, there's a lot more comparisons. The lot more comparisons are is that both Abraham and Bam were told some kind of power of blessing and cursing. Both Abraham and Bam woke up early to saddle their donkey. Both Abraham and Bam were confronted by an angel. Why are what it makes these two people compatible? So before I answer the question, I tell you this. There are two types of people and there's two ways to live. There's one type of person that says if I need to go someplace, I need to do whatever it takes. And sometimes that means what am I hearing? Someone's talking. Whatever it takes. If I have to lie a little, if I have to cheat a little, if I have to step on somebody else a little bit, if I have to hurt someone else's feelings, I don't want to. It's not on purpose, but I have to go where I need to go. And then there's another kind of person, the kind of person that realizes the fastest way to get from here to there is there. The fastest way to get from here to there is for Hashem to take you there. And there's nothing in the world more incredible than when Hashem is taking you. So when you insult someone, when you hurt someone, when you cheat someone, you're in essence stopping the blessing that's supposed to come your way. You don't have to force Hashem's hand. You don't have to tell him, "I need it to happen, whether it's good or bad. You need to trust that he takes you from here to there. Many people, especially if they work really, really, really hard and now all of a sudden there's one person in their way, they'll just do whatever it takes because I work so hard to get here. I need to keep pushing to get there. And it's a mistake. It's a mistake. It's a mistake. Let me give you a little personal first. I'll give you a non-personal story, okay? A little while ago, I was in someone's house and having a conversation. And he said to me, he says, "Rabbi, let me tell you our story." He says, "I got I sell cleaning detergents." He said, "One day, I don't understand why he couldn't explain it to me exactly. One day we got a shipment of 80 containers. You know what a container is? It's like bigger than this tent. 80 containers of Lysol. I had no idea what am I going to do with all this Lyso. Then I got another 30 containers and then another 30 containers. 140 when I did the math. 130 containers. Do the math. 140. Take a second. 140 containers of Lysol. He said, "I had to rent a warehouse, put all the Lysol in the warehouse, and I started selling it for half price, and I know what am I going to do with all this Lysol," he says. And then it was March of 2020 and COVID came and next thing you know, I'm selling the Lysol for triple the price. He says, "Rabbi, you have to see this new house I'm building. It's what? Humongous." He says, "Some people build houses on real estate. Some people sell house build houses on retail. I built a house on Lyso. Hashem got me there." That's just how it works. You know, Hashem told the Jewish people shared this. He says, "You should keep Shabbat because I created the world in six days." He says, "What is creating the world in six days have to do with why we're supposed to keep Shabbat?" He said, and says, "Here's why." Cuz the fact that Hashem created the world in six days, we believe two things. Number one, that he created the world in the past. And number two, that he's still controlling the world today. two separate things. He created the world and he's controlling the world. And he says because of that, when we keep Shabbat, we're not just reflecting that he created the world thousands of years ago. We're reflecting the fact that he's still controlling the world. And every week I stop on Shabbat to acknowledge that Hashem is in control. and says, "The gift that Hashem gave us back for giving releasing control to him is means that Hashem watches us individually. Only when we give control to him does he watch us and in fact is for people that have medical challenges. Every person with a medical challenge should know that that Ruin Feinstein shared he said that Aman says that when a doctor gives you a prognosis and he said statistics say this or that your responsibility is to say that's what nature does but I live with and based on my hashem could do anything and that's what we literally supposed to say that says if a doctor astrologer tells you a You have to believe that you're controlled by being. And if you do, Hashem controls you differently. And he said, "The Malib says that when the doctor tells you there's a 20% chance you believe the doctor, then you're under the control of the doctor. But if you stare at the doctor and say to your mind, it's nice. He's telling me stats. It might be true. I don't know. But Hashem runs the world and he controls my world. I go out of the statistics and I now go into his control. In fact, I'll tell you a real story that I one day I bumped into someone. He shared with me the story. Man's name is Joey. 13 14 years ago, I really wasn't well. And this happened a while ago, this story. And he said he went to Sloan Kettering and the doctors gave a very grim prognosis. At the time there was a doctor in Sloanketering named Dr. Zelefki. He's a from Jewish doctor. And Dr. Zeleleski called this Joey into the office. He said, "Joe, you're Jewish. You're Syrian." Wasn't wearing ka. He said, "Joey, you're Jewish." He says, "Yeah." He said, close his door. Let me make this clear. We are Jews. We don't go by statistics. You're nervous. You're worried. That's statistics. But we live differently. We don't go by statistics. The prognosis at that time was that Joey's going to live a year. He's alive and well 13, 14 years later and inshallah many more. Because the quickest way to get from here to there is not my way. The quickest way to get from here to there is his way. It's like a song like that. No, >> I'm not supposed to know that. But oddly enough, I spoke a little bit about this topic in my sh this past Shabbat in Sudashit. And after I was done, the Kazan sang Kadesh to the tune of my way. I don't know why. Let me share with you my own little story. This story is going to embarrass me, but I'm okay. I hope about seven six seven years ago I was already speaking in this community for 17 18 years. I said you know what I feel like there's people who benefit from the classes and I feel like the Eshkanaz world would benefit from it too. I said but I don't know we're on the website it goes to the people in the community for the most part. some people in other suad communities maybe in Queens gray neck but not really out there. I said, "Okay, I guess that's what Hashem wants." I said, "You know what? Maybe I should try." So, I had an idea. I said, "Maybe if I make a short video clip, maybe it'll help." Again, I feel weird that like I even cared about this, but I said to myself, maybe that's what I should do. So, I did a little research. It cost about $3,000 to make a short video clip with some music and this and that and cut it the right way. So, I was debating maybe I'll go here, there, maybe I'll get a sponsor, maybe I'll pay out of my own pocket. I make a little video clip, people see the video clip and it'll help, maybe it'll help the classes go out. That's going to seem to help them. That was my thought process. Then I said, "But how are people going to see the video clip?" So, listen to this idea. I know it's going to sound really ridiculous, but just bear with me. Again, it's it's very embarrassing, but just bear with me. My idea was that like maybe I'll get Miss Saskin. You heard a Mask like they give the chairs said I'll get Miss Saskin. Maybe they'll put like a little paper card when they put the chairs in people's houses and they'll put a QR code and people go on the QR code to listen to my three minute clip. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was really thinking about this for like a month or two. I'm trying to figure out there's a person Yankee Meyer had a masked him. I was going to try to reach him. How do I reach him? Get his phone number. Who in the queue knows him? Going to call him. I'm going to make the clip. I'm going to get a sponsor. We're going to put out the clip. People are going to see the clip. And because of that, it's a whole spiel. It's obviously the dumbest idea mankind ever came up with. Literally the dumbest. Like you see some guy sitting in Miss sitting in a Shiva house. Especially Ask a Shiva house. They're very depressed. They're going to go to Ashiva house. think they can take out their phone and say, "Let me take a little QR code of some rabbi I never heard of in my life." But that's what I thought. By the way, if you ever went to the difference between Ashkanaz and a Syrian Shiva House, it's mindboggling. Ashkanaz house like they're sad because like somebody died, you know? A Syrian sha house is like an engagement body outside the lawn, the front, the kids, the grandkids, the friends of the friends of the friends are coming. You don't even know who died. They're just there. The food, the whole thing. It really is true. You shouldn't have to go to a sha house for many years, but if you ever bump into one, you'll be shocked the difference. I even have someone I know well who went to a Shiva house one time and he walked inside and he really thought it was engaging. He says, "Where's the groom?" It didn't go well. So anyhow, what's my point? I gave up on my idea. I said, "Okay, the classes will be whatever Hashem wants the classes to be." I don't know what happened, but I know at this point maybe six or seven clips from me go out a week that I have nothing to do with. I to cuts three or four clips. Torah anytime does a daily dose meaningful minute will take something by your mind will take something. Stories to inspire take a few stories. No one even asked permission. Just if you're wondering I don't know when they're coming out. You find out before me. I'm like oh wow they took that clip. That's adorable. And I'm like one second. And I keep thinking to myself one second. Six years ago I was Hashem. How am I going to get one clip out? And now Hashem just tosses the clips. That's why I learned there's a clip. There's another clip. But what happened? The answer is as long as you think it's you, there's as far as you could go. But when you realize it's him, Hashem could do take you anywhere. Take you anywhere. And this is the difference between Abraham and Bam. Abraham was told that whoever blesses you gets blessed because you are following the path of Hashem and whoever curses you gets cursed. Bam wasn't satisfied with that. Bam said, "I bless and I curse." Abraham was the kind of person who turned to Hashem and said, "Hashem, where do you want me to go? That's where I'm going. You want me to slaughter my son? That's where I'm going. You want me to leave my father's house? That's where I'm going. Wherever you send me, that's where I go. And I know you'll determine how I get from here to there." Bam was the opposite. Bam was, "I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to get to where I want to go." And what was the result? All of his cursing curses went the opposite. The sins caused destruction to Medyan and he was killed early. Because as long as you think your results are in your hands, you'll be stuck with warehouses full of Lysol. The minute you stop, throw your hands in the air. And I say, "Hashem, it's in your hands, he can very easily get you from here to there." That's how it works. That's how Hashem runs the world. And what's amazing is Habay has done this for been that conduit for so many people. So many people got on a plane or came from a different city and said where do I go and Hashem said I'm going to send him a gift. I'm going to send you a few people. I don't know if I know all the names. Whose name should I say? Ali Shabi. Whose name else should I say? Elliot Shabby. Where's the paper? I'll say their names. I'm happy. Just we did it already. Okay. And all the wonderful women that are involved. And Hashem says, "I'm going to make people a place that will literally get them wherever they want to go." I'll give you another wonderful example. I learned in Ruben Feinstein's yeshiva. And Ruben Feinstein, yes, his father was with Mosha Feinstein. But when I was in the yeshiva years ago, Ruben Feinstein was very humble. No heirs. When I say no heirs, I mean no heirs. No effort to be the person. Ruren Feinstein would come walk into Yeshiva sometimes with his jacket off. He'd be like, "Rabbi, sometimes he'd have a newspaper under his arms. No heirs." That's not what most do. I still remember one time looking out the window of the ishivan. He was fixing his car. I was like, "What?" But here's I know next thing you know today is considered one of the Gdole and one of the leaders of the Jewish people. Not cuz he tried but because Hashem decided how to get him there. You can either live with your own statistics or you can live with the power of Hashem. And I'd like to conclude with one story. I like this little story. I hope I look sound okay again. So again, I grew up in deal and I went to Yeshivot in Lakewood Lakewood for many years and yeshiva I was a very focused determined yeshiva buffer from the morning to the night we barely stopped. ninth grade. I used to play basketball somewhere around ninth grade. I stopped pretty much forever. Not forever, but you know, and was, you know, never spoke to anyone, especially any girl outside of my family, outside of my siblings, maybe my cousins. Anyhow, then my old my sister who was younger than me but got engaged ahead of me got engaged and the engagement party was in my parents' house. This is almost about 30 years ago almost right now and they got the engagement parties in my parents house. Anyhow, one of the guests, one of the relatives of my brother-in-law took me for a walk. I was young, younger than I planned on getting married. And he took me for a walk around my parents house. You know, my parents house is awing court. Like the the block goes around. And he was trying to convince me to date somebody to start dating. I said, "I'm young. I'm not like I'm going to go to Israel first." He said, "No, you don't know how good it is. You get married early. It's a beautiful thing." And he's trying to convince me to date a specific person. I don't know. We went around the block three, four times and I said, "I hear. I'm not sure if it's going to be that person, but I hear. Maybe I should be open to it." I never told the story out loud. I hope this recording is not going anywhere. Anyhow, I walked into my parents' house and there was a girl walking down the steps and the girl was my sister's friend. I said to myself, you know what? I might start dating now, but if I start now, I'm dating her and it was my wife Marlene Shalon. What's cool about the story is the person who took me for a walk that day was Elliot Shelby. >> Do you remember the walk, Elliot? >> One or three times. >> I was one more than three times. a lot of currency [Applause] and in my mind I had no plans in the world when he started the walk. I had no plans in the world to be dating then but Hashem had a different plan and Hashem had some person take me for a walk. It's not like Elliot and I talk every day. take me for a walk around and around and around the block until he convinced me. And Hashem wanted me to get married when he wanted me to get married to the person he wanted me to get married to. And what's incredible is that I didn't know then I knew then I was going to be learning in K for many years. I didn't know then I'd be doing now what I was I'm doing now. What's cool about it is is that my wife is the most incredible person in the world. But what she's most incredible for is being supportive of a husband who's doing this. She doesn't ask me when I'm coming home, when I'm leaving, what I'm doing, why I'm busy, why I'm involved, why I'm answering the phone, why I'm giving another speech. Never ask any questions. Just is there to support and be behind it. When I took that walk that day, I never knew he could clap. [Music] Don't worry, she's nowhere near here. She's running some camp. I told you I have no control. I runs the world. In a million years, I never thought my wife would run a camp. And I have no idea why she does it. I'll tell you the truth. But that's not for now. I guess I have to give up. No, I'm not saying the next part. I know the next fight you mean to say. I'm not saying the next part. I'm not because that's I'm not saying the next one. I know. I know. I know. I'm not saying that part. I know what you mean to say. >> I don't know. Should I say it? >> Are you sure I should say it? This is I I take no responsibility for what I'm about to say. It could be it's not appropriate to say. The girl that he wanted me to date ended up getting married to a wonderful person and her son married my daughter. That's what you wanted me to say, right? >> That's a true story. My point is this. You could try if you'd like. You could try to run the world. Get to work. See how far you get. You could come up with your ideas of what your future's going to be and what house you're going to buy and who you're going to marry and what your income is going to be and how you're going to get there. Or you could sit back and say we are the descendants of Abrahamu. We don't tell Hashem how to run the world. We ask Hashem how he wants to run the world. If you want to know the reality is the fastest way to get from here to there is through there. Thank you.