Ezer Lenefesh Event - Full Coverage

so last night at 11 o'clock I decided to Google mental health statistics [Music] 19 pages I printed it out I highlighted they have a pleasant items because if I sat and talked about the statistics sub here the next couple hours but I'm going to bring out some highlights for this country and I and I quote the statistics 52 million Americans are living with some form of mental illness give your bullet points 27 million of them are not treated and if you think about that and you look at what's going on in this country with suicide with mass shootings in colleges part of it has to come from there is a mental illness it's severe it's just nothing attributable 40 million American adults are suffering with anxiety disorders making it the most common form of mental illness in this country it's reading highlights 37 percent of Mental Health and struggles are between the ages of 12 and 17 which is our youth Americans aged 18 to 25 is the highest rate the highest group for mental illness at 30 percent women in their adolescent is always double than men from a mental health standpoint with 40 percent of women in colleges today have suicide fluids over 20 percent actually has planned to commit suicide in lower land room so many doing it and here's the big one that the rabbis have been preaching for many many years not to say we think you know they make fanatical walks they're actually profits they're actually the leaders of our community social media between the internet and social media 64 percent just on Facebook alone is suffering with anxiety 71 of the adults use social media as a blame for their mental health issues either in disinformation or misinformation I'm just reading from what I printed and this is a big one also 14 countries the survey was done anyone want to guess who's the number one country in the world mental health beverage in the United States in the study in older colleges . colleges mental health I mean I could go on and on and you could ask me why I'm even telling me these statistics and I'll give you one simple answer it's infiltrating the Jewish communities and it's for sure it's the trading our our own safada community so let me share this with you in the list New Years there's been an organization called simcha led by Rabbi Davidson Mark Edgemere Nathan Hoffman I've been probably meeting my wife she's house Isaac kidney and Marjorie a few weeks ago Full House and Liz here that just started 800 cases they're dealing with to Mental Health League was just started an organization or a division within their group called Courage the hill they also had a part of the meeting in Lawrence Avenue sure Financial spoke they dealt with all this nation and I apologize tonight that there's a few words I might say that I say sensitive but it's something we have to deal with and we have to talk into I will share one statistic for the clothing Malone which again has a mental health division dealing with so many patients but I'll share one with you again I apologize for just reading the facts my daughter she had something that was involved in recording in the recent months when they just opened up this division 43 cases around their sexual abuse hotline organization hotline again I apologize and just delivering it it is but it's the facts um I didn't say two I'd say three I'd say 43 that's a that's a staggering number everybody something we have to talk into that's Allah we have members of hospital here [Music] and I could say this and it's disturbing it's it's painful how many calls does Hassan get a year for suicide attempts dozens and dozens I didn't say one I didn't say two dozens when we spoke to Rabbi Joey Haber who I'm not sure if he's here yet is coming I just spoke in I spoke to him a few weeks ago he runs cashier deals with a lot of the youth in that community and we'll talk more about that later know what's going on with mental health in our community this is Eddie I was on the film this night or the steering girl in the 20s when I married I want to commit suicide it could be two hours to give it to the suicide she was married dealing with the purchase that we have so the community has a Jewish world has an issue unfortunately what we Define and call Mental Health so there's three organizations and I advise everybody just not to think oh we have a mental health organization what does one do I would say that everyone needs to be educated and ask questions and impacts our children it impacts our youth and it impacts willfully lift water our children so let me talk to you about Canon as even iFish I'll talk for a few minutes and then I'll introduce our first speaker is founded by Rabbi hayam Epstein who 14 years ago also very close up big tell me but very close to Broadway diamond learned in the Mir in the BMG in Lakewood and the rabbi he's founded a a problem 14 years ago that people were suffering from Mental Health we decided to open up this organization called Kevin I had a fundraising on the house which I'll talk about in a minute nobody knows in at least in our community who they are but in the National men's World they've tapped into every Yeshiva I believe the number is 400 if she vote throughout the country 700 I apologize Ruby excuse me bottom line is they paid for therapy they work with the revi with the student who is having a mental health issue and with the parents they gave out in the list since Inception 20 million dollars therapy they have the success rate of 75 percent and again this little pamphlet a little booklet on your tables this is a progress report but they're just going to read some of the issues where community and launched our safari Community they're dealing with anxiety eating disorder depression molestation suicide depression I mean the list goes on look in the booklet I would say before the community got involved and before my son got involved they got gave out relatively half a million dollars because the way the organization looks at Mental Health and they say you know it's cancer of the Soul they look at every soul every person is an Ishmael they don't look at it as a girlfriend look at it as a Syrian an organization that has a CBM whatever and they gave our community over here to McDonald's before you know anything so let me talk about my son jack for a minute and then we're going to start this program by pulling up the first day speaker Jack my son took a direction in his life that he wanted to go to Israel come back learn and study the Khalil which he did he got a little resistance from his parents because it's something that we were used to wasn't part of the community signed up for if you will and 12 years ago he took that payment and I would say as he learned within a few years Rabbi josefizeri was his mentor if you will in learning and in life and in guidance and somehow there's a couple of boys that wanted to commit suicide but somehow to get my son got involved and when his boys were committing suicide you know you could ask him and share the stories he somehow flipped him to the point that he got the boys back on the path of where it could have been they could have taken their lives Robert Joseph gave him the place in recording which is in Yeshiva and with no experience he's sitting in the class with six eight people not off the theater just had my positions and he came to me one day and he said Dad this is the way we want to make my Palm Desert this is the way I want to help people in this world [Music] he took a pair of putting in the hours and night time with the tour rolls and then an undergrad wow and now today he's in Long Island University third year second year but for one resident will be still learning every morning has this company [Music] [Applause] he's in this cycle work right now it's the summer break he just shared that story with me and again in that Community but this is what's going on in the world the group that he's in that is somebody that he talks to was part of killed his daughter stand there many many times I apologize for just saying that he said she'll be dinner uh so we have to know what's going on in the world and he thought she had payments and that's what he needed to do so I guess the experience is needed it's part of obviously him going to college and becoming a document political psychology I think two years with the help of our Council graduate we'll come back into the community and continue helping in the meantime we found this organization and he started to help and I got involved and I shared over my house for fundraiser walking into the fundraiser into the community and to the part of the meeting they gave out toasted a million dollars never saw a dollar from the community we raised a few hundred thousand dollars the numbers don't even make sense to what they're giving to what we're giving but it doesn't make a difference it's a Jewish it's a soul that needs help so now we open up the symphonic division and the focus of the support of communities we need to raise from what is a few hundred thousand dollars that could be a few million dollars again they gave out 20 million dollars their budget and what they give out this year will be 3.6 million dollars give me an interesting number and then I'm going to pull up the next big secret staggering number I'm sure you'll appreciate it they pay a hundred correct me from object 100 therapy sessions a day a day dealing with severe mental issues it's a tremendous organization there's a video that's five minutes that'll explain the detail that the organization does I'm going to ask this room tonight to support every organization svh SIM card this organization because mental health is just not something we just talk about and somebody has a mental health issue it's a serious serious crisis problem and you know you look at somebody that has a physical ailment you can identify you can attack it the hard the kid with the kidneys we've got AJ Goodyear can't jerk off a big conversation with me one thousand by the one thousand foot leads this Monday transplant this coming Monday so but mental how do you touch mental health we won't have initial mind we will have soul can you can you touch it can you can you can you talk into it can you feel it it's there mental health is there you can't touch it you can't feel it but guys and ladies they're suffering you know AJ Lee said this in his meeting we saved A Thousand Lives they didn't have a life somebody that was molested as a child somebody wants to be suicide they don't have a life their life is miserable it's just as bad if they didn't have a kidney but you know what how do you identify with mental health so tonight it's going to be very informative evening I'm going to start with the first Speaker Dr Schlage Zimmerman who is a psychologist that deals with the community Hashem is a funny way because I work with him within my family we've got friends from 10 years we're with friends from 10 years ago just based on him helping my family and I just want to say before I introducing the word prevention because we could talk about Mental Health so I watched a video on Twitter anytime.com the title of the video four minute video you should watch it mommy and daddy and Robin talked about a marriage counselor that's a good friend of his that he taught the story it's kind of funny it's kind of simple but it's like if you think about it it's just brilliant he was telling Rabbi piss on Chrome there's a couple that got divorced couldn't work it out seven-year-old son and they made arrangements they went near each other the sun was fighting about there during weeks Shabbat weekends by the father three four months later after the divorce the seven-year-old boy comes wakes up one night screaming crying tantrum I want my daddy the wife calls the husband and says your son's having attention from him he comes to the house calms them down brings up to his house goes there daddy want to be with you he has a temper tantrum he goes whatever he does and then he calls the wife he wants his mom ends up coming to the house and the kids screaming went in front of the doors you wouldn't let any of them leave the next morning he called this marriage counsel his therapist and he said I think it's time my son needs a therapist and if the therapist told him he doesn't need a therapist he needs a bombing dad so I'm going to say this and I'm guilty myself with my own children parents grandparents are in this room our children are Priceless they're diamonds their treasure it's a complicated world it's a tough Community to live in they need us they need us to show us the values of what's important in life they need us to spend time they need us to give him self-esteem and give them confidence because when we live in a world and the community has wealth and it has its own challenges if we're not here for them and we don't give the values and get us live they're going to have mental health issues they're going to want to talk to Big commit suicide and go into depression or otherwise so parents we could be proactive we could be having a prevention that this doesn't happen and we could cut the numbers down versus growing because the numbers are staggering I don't even go into the numbers they're continuous so with that said I said unto all the parents I said it to myself be there for your children to get racial just spend time with them get the self-esteem they can feel confident it's a dangerous scary world and it's a different generation so I'm going to leave it at that I'm going to introduce Dr shlomi Zimmerman to say a few words and then we'll continue the program thank you so much Eddie it's a privilege to be here so I was standing at the bar earlier this evening number four the syrians shut off the ashkenazim were not on Sy time so and uh I was talking to one of the bartenders there explained you know there tonight there's going to be a Syrian rabbi schlier and I'm a shrink and he's like is this the beginning of a joke but that's the truth that's what tonight is you know that's who's here but it's such a good opening Syrian Rabbi khabajliac and Shrink but I couldn't come up with a good enough joke so whoever comes up with the best punch line to that joke tonight gets a free book of mine signed so come up to me during the event let's hear and maybe we'll publicize it uh at the podium afterwards um Let's Get Serious for a moment about a serious topic I'm gonna ask you to raise your hands you can do it with your forks in your hand because one of the most serious things I've ever learned as a menthol professional is you ashken as far as it doesn't matter you never get between Jews and their food that's a nightmare I once was speaking before a sweet table you would think everyone was starving to that I almost got killed nobody heard a word that I said so but quickly raise your hands if you yourself or an immediate family member is struggling with an emotional challenge psychological challenge or addiction you get to be honest here okay anybody who doesn't have their hands up uh if it's not in your immediate family do you have somebody very close to you or you care about who is struggling with an emotional challenge an addiction or something of the sort the rest of you are clearly diagnosed pathological Liars but or are you just eating but you could see very quickly uh you know what those statistics look like even in our community and of course every Community unfortunately no Community has the Monopoly on this um so I'll touch briefly on some stories and I was going to do statistics and this is what happened last time actually I I'm speaking for a behavior and he was part of something he was giving me speaking tips and he told me to do numbers and outline exactly what you're supposed to say so tonight I did uh top 10 statistics and of course God has a funny sense of humor and Eddie read all four of the statistics from Google I'm the mental health professional what what are you doing man you talk about Jack it's fine but so I'm going to cut those down to like three but let's talk briefly about an event that took place actually before the Karen existed so quite a number of years ago one of the most prominent rabbis in the world reached out to me that doctors and I need you to take this case this is actually uh one of the most prominent families in the Syrian Community they built the community in Brooklyn and Jersey uh their names are on countless buildings and their son is really struggling I need you to see them they've helped so many Jews please do whatever you can okay so I see this young man and some interesting thing starts to happen and I you know every so often I wait to get paid nothing doing um I wait a bit a little bit longer and sometimes I know that sometimes the wealthiest clients no offense uh can be hard to get payments from Jack good luck with this year's pledges um so I waited a little bit long and eventually becomes a clinical issue that I got to bring this up you know I'm starting to feel uncomfortable what's the story here and like it doesn't really make so much sense this is one of the wealthiest families in the community you think okay they have no money you raise money for them not this so at some point I bring it up and and this guy like wants to get buried in the floor he turns purple and he says to me I'm struggling with sexual stuff therapy is not something my family would be okay with like even if I would lie and just say like self-esteem or anxiety my mom and dad wouldn't have it there's no way I could bring it up to them and even my grandparents were the pillars of the community if I brought this up then they would just die so I'm out on my own and I actually go around Yeshiva and collect for a struggling young man's therapy so that's what happened before the Karen so you might think that oh that's somebody else's problem but there's a decent chance you're funding somebody very very close to you maybe your own child maybe an Easter nephew um and somebody who otherwise will impact his clinical care and then if he if he didn't have the rabbi call for him he wouldn't have even been able to get into therapy so that's that's one thing I'll tell you a little incident that actually occurred unfortunately my line of work I don't have to fabricate stories they they sadly come to me regularly so it's actually last week um probably you know from the families in June larger Jewish World maybe the top 10 philanthropists in the last hundred years one of their family members reach out to me we have a crisis this was a you know in another location um there's an abuse situation in a family can you do an emergency phone call consult as soon as possible so again I turn this is actually Sunday night I checked the time stamp on it it's like 10 minutes to 11 p.m Sunday night I try not to work sometimes definitely not deal with this but okay so a few minutes later I say okay have them reach out to me I get a text three of my daughters just had a disclosure we're in absolute crisis we need guidance what could you do I turn over my old day for the next day I send them in for a time slot and I send the confirmation which has my rates and contact information and etc etc so five to eleven I get back to text sorry we can't afford that thank you very much so I I don't want to leave them hanging I said to them listen I have Associates that are you know half my rate I'll try to work something out in the morning to see if I actually work out to get at 50 the rate nothing good so here's a person who has one of the wealthiest families in the world reaching out on their behalf but that my guess is that they're too embarrassed to also say we can't fund it we can't pay for it you'd think that there's an absolute crisis that three children in one family have a disclosure you do what it takes but I don't judge people because I don't know if the other choices that they can't put food on the table that week and they got to go do something so these struggles are incredibly real um you know we did a lot of the numbers here before Eddie covered it I'll I'll touch very briefly because they they share a little bit of story just to give you a concept so even prior to the whole coveted you know debacle the rates of anxiety depression in Children and adolescents in the U.S were far lower during the Great Depression World War II the turbulent 60s and 70s than they are today now during a child's Adolescence in the U.S between 13 to 18 up to 50 percent of them at some point will experience a mental illness a diagnosable mental illness that is what's going on today I'm going to jump through because this is where the Karen I don't even know if they knew this statistic but this is where they they do incredible work fifty percent of all mental health issues they come up by the time a person's 14 you start to see some of the symptoms and 75 percent by age 24. so they're covering actually a huge swath by targeting the ages that they target they're covering a huge swath of when these issues start to arise and when they become most prevalent or maybe what's most shockingly is that only about 20 percent of children with mental health and emotional psychological issues receive care from a specialized mental health profession so 50 don't get any care and of those many times it's a general doctor it's some coach some person nobody with specialized training only 20 percent and again 42 of adults report that they were unable to get necessary mental health care because of money and earlier today we happened to pray manhatt together and one of the rabbis actually I trained the rabbis for some one of the rabbis just we were talking to him and he said the biggest issue he has in making referrals in his sure is the first thing that comes up is I I can't have another ten thousand dollar bills for the year it's the biggest obstacle he's facing so what happens the trajectory between what happens when mental health is dealt with versus not so I think that's what's really important to think about because when a person doesn't get their care so not only does their life get massively impacted right whether they're super anxious they're depressed they have Eating Disorders they become suicidal they turn to some sort of addictive behavior how does that impact the circle around them and as the people here raise their hands being that close to somebody who's struggling or somebody you care about and love right how's that impact you how does it impact your happiness how does that impact your whole family or the broader spectrum's ability psychologically spiritually and even even financially the cost down the line that you know the dollar spent on dealing with this issue now versus when somebody is you know is married is down has a family uh can't hold the job turns to addictions you know once a person needs to go to rehab you could have funded you know who knows how many therapy cases just for one month in rehab so the more you get this at its earlier stages aside for anything else you save people and you save lives and you even save the community's money but I want to talk briefly about funding and this is where maybe only I have have this Vantage Point um many many years ago for some odd reason they brought me into the first funding meeting for a certain mental health project in the ashkenaz community I know I did what I was doing there I wasn't giving a speech they wanted me there and one of you know I'll mention his name uh Mendy Klein all of us is a tremendous tremendous philanthropist and particularly was dealing with the issue of sexual child sexual abuse and still is you know burned into my brain Mandy turned to me literally with tears in his eyes and he said to me you can actually treat a seven-year-old who's been a victim of this and when I said yes it just takes a lot a lot of time and a lot of work he said okay he pledged the million dollars on the spot another few families did a million there was an immediate three million dollar raise at that event syrians you always got to beat the ashkenaz and I expect over 3 million tonight okay um otherwise I'm gonna we're gonna publicize you know ashkenaz and crushed it um but the reason I'm bringing up this story really is is a different issue is that funding system became very complex it was a lot of bureaucracy a lot of paperwork therapists had to fill out a lot of back and forth to get people approved to get the money Etc and what happens is that any therapist that's worth half their weight in salt not this little assault um you know is busy I I immediately have to run two bills because the person's privately paying and now an organization's paying you don't usually have a back office staff that dedicated this now you have to fill out paperwork and all this stuff so quietly sometimes you start to be like well I need this like a hole in the head right I'm I'm do I have enough to catch up cases I I just become if you bogged down you slowly becomes a clinical issue and and honest to goodness eventually even though I was at that funding meeting and it was an inspiration for me for Life eventually I stopped taking that fund's cases because it was such a pain in the neck and it was taking up so much time that I could have been doing other productive things that I stopped taking it the contrast here is the Karen it's it's seamless yes I have to run two bill but we send them an invoice we get a check and the beauty is that a rabbi or a teacher is in charge of making sure that somebody's compliant and needs the care and is doing what they need to do so that you have wraparound care that this child is is being cared for by some mentor and it also takes a lot of the burden off of the mental health professionals so that you know me and my staff we're thrilled to to work with the Karen because we know it's a cassette and we know it's helpful and it's not an additional burden on us you know outside of okay we gotta run two bills so so it's an incredibly important thing who's doing the funding and how they're doing it um they also are targeting again like we talked about those critical ages that where we're going to capture a lot and hopefully make the biggest impactful difference um I'll share with you just a brief actually Karen's story this was a I'm good I'm bad I didn't okay so um so very briefly this guy great guy but had tremendous amount of anxiety particularly when it came to Social and particularly when it came to dating girls so you know with his friends in the dormitory was somewhat okay you put him on a date he's mute and it's like you know they reached out to the shout out and I'm like what what's up with the guy and it's like no go after no go after no go and even anybody who didn't really know well including me it was just pulling teeth and like we're working through some of these underlying issues and he's a perfect case because he was an issue at the time but he was a basement fellow his parents two working people who cannot fully afford therapy by themselves but he was had enough money that they could raise that it wasn't like you need to be a clinic case because there was no way you could be in private practice right so there's this gap between some people they need to go to a clinic because there's just no funds whatsoever here's a person that could get really high quality care but they needed to push the parents pushed he picked up side gigs and the Karen did the rest so it's like a perfect harmony and you know to make the story short is eventually we did a lot of good work together and he's dating and finally uh he meets this young lady and uh then the weirdest thing happened the therapy worked too well they're talking to like three four in the morning eventually one of the rabbis had to step in you know to put in a little bit hey what are you guys talking about this guy was uh you know talking to three four in the morning but Park Hashem you know married children happy healthy productive working contributing member of society that's what the Karen absolutely does [Applause] one moment okay so all right you know God has an interesting way so I'll keep this very brief but I I was actually reading a devartora this uh past job is that I don't normally read this pamphlet at all but a beautiful director from a great safaricon Vegeta right we're talking we're going tomorrow night is one of the Lesser known Russia te vote is each individual for his friends to be there as companionship friendship to be there as a community to give gifts to the poor to the people who need it but on the posseck right last week's Parish we had that the person whose destitute is going to come and you're gonna say it's getting close to to the shemit the time maybe I'm not going to lend the money etc etc so the great says give you give him and then Hashem is going to give you tremendous brother asks what's this second so he says the beautiful thing he says right we know that when a father let's say leaves over a will and he's got a whole bunch of kids and he leaves over always a state to one child so the Allah is that person is just the guardian it's just the custodian why because we know that a normal stable father loves all his children and if he's giving it to one kid it's because he just means to make him the custodian for everybody else so the hidad points out that if psychological gives you a Jew his money we're all hashem's children so if I shouldn't give somebody money not somebody else it needs yours custodian so if a person takes that seriously he's gonna say so I'm not doing anything I'm just giving out the money you don't celebrate the custodian at the executor at a will for giving the money away otherwise you put him in prison so maybe a person's gonna feel what am I doing I'm not doing anything so he says give you should give hashems giving it to you so you should give and the end of the Posse is that don't worry that okay you didn't do anything because that because of this is blessing and success in all of your handiwork and everything and is my blessing and prayer that accomplished Barack who gives everybody here in attendance and everybody who's supporting this wonderful organization everything they need whether it's for their own mental health whether it's for other people's success in business just Beauty happiness success connection and Immunity we should do the next meeting getting married to Sarah with Michelle thank you so much once somebody that needs therapy from one of these therapists the kitten isn't in that fish and I want you to listen very carefully they pay the next day the next day they don't get 30-day terms they don't want 30-day terms and why because if they get a top therapist that's suicide that's molestation or otherwise they want to keep them on so-called the payroll and make sure if this therapist could continue serving the organization they pay the next day so the next guest is a god Rabbi Rabbi who's in Salt Lake City Utah history you just wrote a book I'm standing here in trepidation even saying and introducing him because he's going to tell the story about his own personal life and again I don't even have the words to say it's even when I call them and shared an interest and a need for him to talk about his experience on sexual abuse I was shaking volume just wrote a book and went public to tell the story and he'll share that story with you and even when I send out the invitations Melissa somebody that has his own story but I can't even use the words I'm just but I don't know what to tell you other than you know some people approached me and said great it's important for the community here some people say like I could even write those words on invitation of the church and they might see it so say this this ladies are gone gentlemen Hashem should always protect us and at the same time we have to do our history loot we have to watch and we have to understand molestation and I said it before with the Colleen just 43 cases of sexual abuse and molestation he has history to tell our community God bless them we sent our kids to camp sleep away sometimes you've never been home the housekeeper we're not always with the children maybe we can't always with the children but there are signs that we could see and watch because okay it's devastating beyond anything that I could even put in words so I can't even go further than say Rabbi he's come up for coming here from Salt Lake City Utah give us give us how he could protect our own children and what we should watch for thank you everybody thank you so much you know Eddie mentioned I just wrote a book and Dr Zimmerman mentioned that in his line of work he doesn't need to invent stories and it reminded me that about two weeks ago I think I think I got a compliment somebody calls me after Shabbos he says I read your book on Shabbos very very interesting can I ask you a question is it completely non-fiction and I think there was a compliment in there I had to explain to him I didn't make any of it up it really is the life that I lived I did not take any sort of poetic Liberties sometimes I guess you live a life that leaves people wondering if you had to take any sort of additions to the script to make it more uh more ridiculous more insane more unbelievable but I'd like to share a little bit of those experiences here tonight and to share why I think the work that the Karen does is so vital it's so instrumental it's so important and yes it was worth getting on a red eye last night from Salt Lake City and taking the return flight tomorrow morning at 6am because there are some things that are important there are some things that are priorities and and it's that that I'd like to share with you this evening the moment when I needed the Karen was a moment far be far before I ever knew the Karen existed the moment in time I want to share with you this evening was in the winter of 2016 I was 24 years old I was married to my wife we had recently just been blessed with our first child a little boy and I was sitting on a couch in a therapist's office you know the proverbial couch the couch that we all think of the couch that we've all seen portrayed the couch that terrifies us I was sitting on that couch but I was living in Crown Heights before I went on schlichus there was a hakira amongst my friends and I how many times a week do you have to go to colel to be considered in Cola how many mornings do you actually have to attend Colo to be considered in Coal I think you can extrapolate that straight that same Shakira how many times does a person need to see a therapist before they be they can begin to refer to that therapist as my therapist so sometimes you see a therapist and then after a few times I went to see my therapist I was in a state of mind in that moment where I was unsure if I wanted to cross that bridge and in all honesty I was pretty certain I didn't want to at that moment in time my life at the outside it was managing quite swimmingly on the on the inside it was crumbling I was not a functional spouse I was not a functional father obviously I wasn't a functional or anything of the sense and as I walked into the therapist's office that morning I shared with him a sentence that I plan to disclose to him and him alone I had never said it to a single human being before that and I had every intention not to share with a single living Soul after I would let it slip out of my mouth just that one time and I turned to the therapist and I said look I'm here because I agreed to go to one therapy session and I've got 60 minutes and you and I have to talk about something and we spent two minutes on the weather and another minute on Sports so we have 57 minutes to go so here it is I think I was sexually abused as a child yeah hindsight is 2020 the disconnect was so strong it was 24 years old and I shared it in such a hypothetical in such a qualified you know it's possible I think that I was sexually abused as a child I had one burning wish in that moment I would have given everything in my life and One Wish in that moment I wanted him to tell me what I had to do so that I would never have to see him again pay money stay up all night learning read a book take medication I don't want to be in therapy for me to be a Chabad Shalia whose regular is regularly seeing a mental health professional is incongruent so so you tell me what I need to do for this to be a one-time relationship and send me on my way and I never want to see you again we talked for those very intense 57 minutes and at the end of the session he validated my hypothetical indeed I was sexually abused as a child and let me share why for me it was so hypothetical my parents moved to Salt Lake City in the summer of 1992. it was just before my first birthday the first event that Chabad held in the state of Utah was my first birthday party for many many years shloken have been manipulating their children as a great hero of method if you have kids it's a great way to meet other young families that have kids and it humanizes you and it normalizes you I grew up on the job as is very common which look nowadays I have now worked for the family business I understand that within the Syrian Community I can make that joke it's okay to make a joke about working for the family business and there we go and I'm the oldest my parents had a lot of kids bunched pretty close together at the top we were homeschooled in Salt Lake City there was no head there there was no talmouth Torah there was no Yeshiva my mother taught us at a very very young age my father was out doing all the things that hibachlief does and when we were young my parents brought in a housekeeper babysitter a nanny in September of 1999 months after my eighth birthday our family caregiver began to sexually abuse me this is a process that would go on for 10 years it ended just after I turned 18 and at that point most of us were grown up we were attending yeshivas and high schools out of state and there was no need for the caregiver at home anymore and so without anybody knowing any better my parents sent her on her way with hugs and warm wishes and Promises to stay in touch and I promised myself that the same way I had kept that secret for 10 years I was going to keep that secret until the grave I I had 10 years of baggage and Trauma that I had to carry along with me for that I had a plan for that I was going to take all that baggage and Trauma and buried in some dark deep recess of my mind and never allowed any oxygen and never allowed any life and it wasn't going to bother me anymore and there I sat on that couch in the therapist's office in 2016 because at some point that trauma had finally shown up and claimed its dues from my life and I wasn't functioning anymore and there I was telling the therapist look I think these things happen pretty sure they happened I think technically they qualify as child sexual abuse tell me what I have to do so this will no longer be part of my life tell me what I have to do so I'm not condemning myself to a lifetime of therapy to a lifetime of dealing with this and at the end of the hour he turns to me he says look I don't know that I can do that for you there's not a button that I could press there's not a book that I can give you there's not a medication that I can prescribe that will somehow cure you of what has happened to you as Dr Zimmerman mentioned this is going to take a tremendous amount of time and a tremendous amount of work and I think you should come back and and start this journey and I remember the world crashing beneath my feet at that moment it transported me back interestingly enough to a year about seven and a half years before that moment in time one of the most powerful moments that I ever experienced as a buffering Yeshiva it was 2008 I was learning in bismadrish in London England I remember one morning usually seder began at 7 30 we were woken about 6 a.m We were told to quickly go to the Mikvah before seder began we were going to recite the entire book of tehilim there was a situation that was unfolding in India that was unclear what was going to happen we're going to say to hillim and everything is going to be okay a little foreboding a little skimpy on the details but fine we woke up at six we went to the Mikvah we all gathered in the basement before seder began we've said the entire tehilim and were Laboratories we are naturally very optimistic perhaps a little bit too much on some occasions and so we said the hilum and everything's gonna be okay throughout the day information is trickling in there's a situation in India in Mumbai it is a situation in the Chabad house it's not looking good and it was actually somewhat remarkable every two or three hours there would be another leak of information the situation wasn't looking good and we would throw ourselves into whatever we were doing with even more Gusto and and take upon ourselves something additional to do in The Realm of Terror in Mitzvahs with even more energy and even more dedication because we were going to change the situation bad things don't happen in life we were going to learn with a little bit more energy we're going to do another Mitzvah and everything was going to be okay that Thursday night was a very special day on the Chabad calendar I know that for people who are outside Chabad it sounds like every Monday and Thursday is a very special day on the Kebab calendar but this was an extra special day on the Chabad calendar and as one might imagine Thursday night there was a long for bringing and we're all saying to one another and in Chabad in addition to the hills the hilums make good things happen also the crimes make good things happen and if you save the hill and while you're saying you make extra good things happen and we're saying to element we're saying like I am and and US 17 year olds sitting in this Mothership in London with a lot of vodka in our veins and a lot of to heal them in our lips we're going to change the world we for bring the entire night we woke up early Friday morning on Friday we go and tell you it was a short Friday and London Shabbos comes in at 3 20 or so and at about 9 A.M I hopped on the tube and I went to Central London on no sleep very hungover and extremely optimistic that whatever was happening whatever was unfolding in India I was going to put on filling with people in central London and I was going to change the world and I went door to door through the regular people I visited every Friday and I told them you know my colleague in India it's very serious and you have to put on to fill it and it's all going to be okay and people listen to me I was very impressionable back then I was mildly hungover back then but whatever whatever I was selling they were buying and I was living in a headspace that my optimism could cure whatever would come my way bad things wouldn't happen in life on my cellular route there was a it was a huge office space and there was a big food court that I would have to walk through just to get from point A to point B and it's about three hours into the Friday and I'm walking through the food court and the BBC is playing on a big screen in the center of the room and people are huddled around and as I walk by steal a glance at the BBC and it says Indian forces take Nerium and house six casualties no survivors the neriment house was the name of the Chabad house in Mumbai just before shabba's British time that receives confirmation that the Indian forces had finally taken the building right because Mumbai their death was confirmed just before Shabbos 17 years old and I remember standing there in this food court in the middle of hustling and bustling Central London and on one thought ran through my mind I want a refund because someone had life had taught me I don't know who was responsible for it but life had taught me that if we do all the things bad things won't happen we'll say more at the hill and we'll put on more to fill in and we'll say more like and they're gone the Holtz birds were gone they weren't coming back all the people had put on swollen that morning the Holtz birds were gone I went back to Yeshiva the Seder started for Shabbos we were all sitting around no one no one knew much but to do and whether one of the Russian shivas walked in and he said something to us that I'll never forget and he says you know for the past 36 hours you guys lived with something which you call them Muna you lived with a sense of belief and your belief was that if you do enough good things you'll never have to deal with adversity and now you're encountering what a Muna really means now you're dealing with what actual belief means in practice adversity has struck now do you have space for belief in God in your life you did all the things the creation of Mumbai were called back on high now do you have space for the Republic in your life I'm sitting on a couch in a therapist's office and now I have to Grapple with this question I want to be a schlier I want to be a rabbi I want to be a communal leader I want to be the proverbial kabadnik that we all have nightmares of and we all admire in equal Doses and I'm also going to be in therapy for years can those two realities coexist can a schlaf go to therapy does that work is there a place in my life to internalize that I have been through such sadness that I could also believe in something larger than myself and also sell something larger than myself to my community at the same time I consider myself blessed and fortunate that in that moment I had the ability to believe that I could make those two realities coexist I wrote These remarks on the plane last night and I'm not going to end up saying about 65 of them because in conversation earlier this evening when I showed up with my fellow Ashkenazi when we were standing around enjoying the bar waiting for the program to start I spoke with some of the administration of the parent and they told me about some of the beneficiaries of the carrying the boys and the girls who are inside the program who are the recipients of funding from the parent boys and girls who want to understand who want the belief that they have a life inside the system they don't want to be diagnosed as special needs or after that or somehow rebellious they they want to believe that they can have a future living and thriving and growing and prospering within the framework framework of the communities that they belong to and yet they've also been told that they have an extra special Miss sayon from their Bono Shalom with the challenges they have to deal with and more than the funding that the Karen provides that Karen provides them with a lesson that they can hold on to in life there is a place for you in our community there is a place for you and your Yeshiva there's a place for you and your girls high school you don't need to feel isolated you don't need to feel alone you don't need to feel like you're some stranger living in a colony of people who wouldn't even recognize you you've got what you're dealing with in life and you have but you're aspiring to become in life and that is just fine and I know we're at a fundraiser and I know that ultimately the goal over here is is a very very tangible one but tonight more than anything as a Survivor I want to salute the work of the Karen to normalize these realities for the young people in our community to provide that light to provide that hope for the young people in our community you know recently I had a conversation with a Survivor who shared with me a term that struck me so deeply and it was three days after I had a similar conversation within he tells me my cousin he says to me was recently diagnosed with the illness foreign there's a summer program for him there's a cruise for him there's Retreats for him the community has bundled hundreds of thousands of dollars for a treatment that is unproven he says I hope to God it saves his life the most optimistic doctor is is perhaps suggesting there's a 20 chance of success the community has bundled half a million dollars for him to engage in this treatment I recently came out to my parents as a survivor of child sexual abuse there's no Cruise there's no retreat there's no funding for my therapy because as a community he tells me I love the way he put it he says we've become pure obsessed we take on projects we take on ideas where we can be guaranteed a happy ending and for young people who are in therapy who as Dr Zimmerman said are likely facing a lifetime of healing there's something not romantic about it as a community we've become so desensitized we're going to put together money and they're going to get well and in eight months No One's Gonna know whatever happened we're gonna forget they were ever ill I there's a person who's going to be going to therapy for a long time unpacking years and years of trauma I don't know and this is the work of the parent that I want to highlight it's this commitment to creating that place in our community for the young people in our community more than the therapy it's the future it's the place it's the belonging it's the community I want to conclude as the previous speaker with a beautiful Devar Torah that I saw recently you know uh since verbati called me I've been researching the Karen and hearing about the Karen the parent the parent and it occurred to me one of the first times in the Torah we find reference to the Hebrew word spelled is in the end of parshis you see so we read how much came down the mountain and the terror tells us Karen not so much referring to as a horn but referring to the fact that my should have been his face was lit up with such an intense glow that he needed to put on his face a mask before he could communicate with Claudia strong it's powerful to me that in the Torah Karen Karan is not so much an organization as much as it is a light this is an organization that provides provides light it provides hope it provides a future to so many like me in our community and I hope you can support in my house remember you remember the guidance and advice you gave me so I'll say one thing if I run by Joey I mean everybody knows it spectacular speaker synagogue in Brooklyn synagogue and deal work with magnifica for many years but I'll tell you where I was blown away right away from you and I know you had this organization called kitchen and you know what kids in college have a rabbi I didn't get it early on I didn't understand it I knew you had a vision and I know when you left Niagara David Yeshiva you wanted to take on and I know what even in your days in Margarita Yeshiva Rabbi Joey Haber wants to take on every child every boy and girl in the high school one at a time not as a group not as a class not as agree and and when we had your Halloween Grand bodies what blew me away was the 100 plus rabbis you have and them announcing that those hundreds of rabbis 650 boys 650 girls equal not only the boys our youth coming out of high school following a direction that Torah needs to be a part of their life that they may be grounded with the community and around what year supporting 1300 children you're you're saving their lives you're giving them Direction but maybe we as parents can't do haven't done what should we need to do now you can see enough to have life God bless you you should continue the community serving the Youth of our community as a bless you with strength for continuing doing that thank you said no introduction and they give the longest introduction I ever got I am honored to be here but it's also late so I'm going to try to speak for about six or seven minutes and try to wrap this together I want to start by saying this and Eddie it's interesting that you mentioned that meeting in your house because I think before we start talking about ezel and emphasis for 30 seconds I want to tell you that your son Rabbi Jad Mizrahi is an incredible example of something that I think our community is learning it is the young man who went to a mainstream school who chose on his own to continue to grow into an army sport and then he went into collel and people think oh God goes into collab like you write a moss he went into Kalel in order to give back to our community and now he's a liaison for hundreds of communities boys and girls hundreds of community kids for them to get help so when we watch our young people the 18 19 20 years old they were watching them grow and sometimes they choose a path that might be a little further ahead than what we expected don't think that they're going off the wall they're coming back and they're giving to our community and sometimes the most incredible way so Jack having fought you imagine David and they both do all these years we're incredibly proud of you and it's 8 o'clock again it's okay and I'll tell you the truth I care about this organization enough that even though I have no technical involvement in it you saw me on that video I'm not sure if you could see my face I filmed that at like four o'clock in the afternoon in the boiling heat nine it was about 96 degrees after giving classes all day foreign he said the best place is your backyard I was in my backyard I said I spoke all day and somehow that's how much we care we live in a very unique generation we live in a unique generation because we are watching incredible things happen in our generation some of us remember a rotary phone and now many of us don't even have a phone in our house we remember old station wagons and now when I walked home with my little son this past Shabbat he said Dad could we count how many Teslas we see on the street the world's changing and maybe the biggest change is in a worth two words that I did not even know what they meant 10 years ago and I think most of you in the room were probably in the same category mental health I don't know what it was I don't know what mental health was I didn't know what it meant so our world has changed and Dr Zimmerman said I like numbers it's true doctor one of these days you're going to listen to my instructions by the way but I'm going to tell you three parts that this three angles that this has changed our lives number one is our self writes it gives an analogy and he says and he asks a question if we believe in Hashem do we have to worry about our own Danger we have to worry about physical Danger and here's what he says he says there was gives you an analogy that was once a king and the King told his servants he says I'm giving you one field to watch I think he says I'm giving you one feel to watch and your job is to watch this field until my servants come to take care of the field one field to watch years ago he says God gave every single one of us one property to watch that property is our own self now Shane said I want you to watch this I want you to protect this and I want you to take care of it so for someone to say I could do something dangerous so I don't have to worry I just have trust in Hashem he says you're absolutely denying your responsibility that God gave to you he said that's why suicide is even worse than murder because it's your own job you were given this one field to protect I want to tell you someone the kind of person that is the most disappointing person to me the most disappointing person I've ever heard of is the kind of person who has problems in their life and they won't get help and I can't tell you how many times I've had a wife tell me my husband has problems I said so why does he get help he won't do it because he thinks it's weak to do it there's nothing weaker in the world than being stubborn and not will